05x18 - The Art Collectors

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SIMON: Paris in Winter.

Cold outside, but warm inside.

And after a great meal,
only one thing is lacking.

Or is it?

Forgive me, Mademoiselle Ivanova,
an old friend waylaid me.

Vestiaire.

Excuse me.

Are you Miss Ivanova's driver?
Yes.

She would like to see you
for a moment.

I assure you, Mademoiselle Ivanova,
my husband would be most interested.

And discreet?
Absolutely.

He'll be back in Paris
first thing tomorrow.

Call him.
I will.

Thank you.

Can I give you a lift?
No, thank you, I've got my car.

Good night.
Good night.

Oh, do you think you have
some small change, please?

I say, I er...I'm sorry about the...

I thought it was meant for me.

But my intuition does tell me
you are a damsel in distress.

I beg your pardon?
Well, deserted

and alone in a wicked city
like Paris.

I'm neither deserted
nor in distress.

But you are alone?

I'm alone because I choose to be.

Is that clear, Mr Simon Templar?

Move the car.
I'm sorry, it's the, er...

Yes, I knew it. It's the petrol line
from the t*nk. It comes adrift.

Urgh!

Not in distress, eh?

Not deserted, and not alone either.

Thanks to you, nothing happened.

Nothing?
Just a slight case of kidnapping.

What about him?
He's all right.

He's just doped.

He is one of ours?
My chauffeur.

Mr Templar, if you are still willing
to help me,

oh, I would be awfully grateful.

I don't drive. If you would drive
my car home for me?

A pleasure. Where to?

It's in the country.

kilometres outside Paris.

I asked for it.

Are you all right now?
I'm better.

Then off you go to bed.

Mademoiselle, they might find out
about this house.

They may come here.
Would it not be better to go...

Hans, go to bed.

Do you think you'd call a cab for me?
Let me offer you a drink first.

Thank you.

Poor old Hans. He's such a worrier.

I can't imagine why,

working for a nice,
uncomplicated girl like you.

It is true they may come.
I don't think they followed us,

but it's possible.

Mr Templar,

would you stay the night?

With no toothbrush? And no g*n?

I can lend you a toothbrush.

You won't need a g*n.

By tomorrow lunchtime,
it will be finished.

I will have disposed of
what they are after.

And just what are they after?

A body? The Crown Jewels?

Dope?

These.

Hm.

They look valuable.
They are.

Three hitherto unknown
Leonardo da Vincis.

They're worth at least
a million dollars.

Yours?
Mine.

I'm going to sell them tomorrow.

I know, you picked them up
for a song in a little place on the Left Bank.

No!
The Right Bank?

No! They were left to me
by my father.

We are White Russians.

They're part of a collection
that my grandfather smuggled

out of Russia during the revolution.

Who's the lucky buyer?

The most respected art dealer
in Paris.

Marcel Legrand.

So, if you have any doubts
as to my ownership,

that should satisfy you.

Marcel Legrand
does not buy stolen paintings.

Agreed. So if they're yours
and this is a legitimate sale,

why all the cloak and dagger
business?

There are certain people who are
trying to steal them from me.

Such as who?
It'll sound crazy,

but I don't know.

So they're not stolen,
they're your paintings,

this is a legitimate sale,

and someone is trying to steal them
but you don't know who.

That's right.
Then why don't you go to the police?

There are many reasons.

OK, try me with one.

I don't like the police.

I wish to avoid the publicity.

Do I shock you?

No, you fascinate me.

Fascinate?

Why?

Oh, many reasons.

Try me with one of them.

It'll keep until morning.

Then you stay?

Good.

I'll just go and get the guest room
ready.

Now I'm shocked.

Yes, Mademoiselle Ivanova.

My wife gave me all the details.

Then I can expect you about midday?

Excellent.

Oh, you understand the transaction
has to be absolutely secret?

Of course. Of course.

Au revoir, mademoiselle.

Three unknown Leonardo da Vincis.

I cannot believe it.

And if it is true?

If it is true, then...

..you shall have a sable coat,
my love.

Excuse me.

Monsieur Legrand?
Yes.

My name is Matieu.

Inspector Matieu. Special Branch.

Madame.
What can I do for you?

The police are anxious
to interviewa woman

who we believe may approach you

regarding a sale of three previously
unknown Leonardo da Vinci paintings.

Surely you joke, Inspector.
Why, Monsieur?

Three unknown Leonardos?
It would be a miracle.

Maybe.

Nevertheless, we believe
the paintings exist.

And we believe the approach
will be made.

Well, I certainly hope
you are right.

If this woman does try
to contact you, I hope...

In that case, I would certainly
get in touch with you.Thank you.

With permission, I will check with
you again tomorrow.As you wish.

Good morning.
Good morning, Madame.

Shouldn't you have told him?
Why?

You have a reputation to think of,
my dear.

And if the paintings are stolen?
If the paintings are stolen,

I shall certainly inform the police.

But remember, if they are genuine,

and if the sale is legal,

I can make a fortune.

Well, it's nearly
so we shall soon find out.

Bye, cherie.
I shall pray for you.

And for the sable.

Have you found out
where he was going?

Of course. The girl's expecting him
at noon.

Here's his wallet and papers.
Good.

You will not be harmed,
Monsieur Legrand.

But it is necessary
that I impersonate you.

And his chequebook?

Ah, yes.

I will need that.

Marcel Legrand
for Mademoiselle Ivanova.

Come in, Monsieur. You are expected.

Monsieur Legrand.

Monsieur Legrand! Nice of you
to come all this way.

I'm delighted to see you.

For three Leonardos, Mademoiselle,
I would go round the world.

Stupendous.

Incredible.

Genuine?
Absolutely.

Monsieur...?
Templar. Simon Templar.

It takes my breath away.

Three unknown Leonardos.
I don't know what to say.

Say one million,
thousand dollar.

We may haggle, Mademoiselle,
but I don't think we shall quarrel.

Let us get started, then.

Simon, in the box room
there's a crate

I made for the pictures.
Would you pack them away?

Hans will help you.
Certainly.

Monsieur Legrand, I'm cursed with
a naturally suspicious mind.

You do have proof of identity?

I was wondering when
someone was going to ask me that.

Sorry.
Don't apologise.

We are not dealing here
with trinkets.

Well, I'll get these crated.

Happy haggling.

Now then, Mademoiselle,
you mentioned a figure

which I think is
a little too ambitious.

Let me hear from you, then.

Ah, thank you, Hans.

All I need now is a hammer
and some nails.

Yes, sir. I'll get them.

Of course I will make a profit!
That's why I'm in business.

But you must realise that I may
have to sit around for months

until the right buyer comes along.

And then I'll have to pay out
interest on all the money I have laid out.

Very well, then. $,.
Done.

All right, Hans, tell him it's in.
Yes, Mr Templar.

Come in!

The crate's in
Monsieur Legrand's car.

Thank you, Hans.

And what will you do
with all this money?

Live foolishly and marry for love.

There you are, Mademoiselle.

I am rich!
Yes. Yes, you are, Mademoiselle.

Mademoiselle, this has been
an unforgettable experience.

Thank you, Monsieur, for everything.
Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mademoiselle.

Hans! Open some champagne!

Simon, where are you?

You got them?
Yes, it went like clockwork.

Where is the trunk?
Upstairs.

Let's get it down here then,
shall we?

Here is food.
I don't want any.

When are you going to let me
out of here?

Argh!

Simon!

How did you know where I was?
Explanations later.

First we get you out of here. Go
to the police, tell them everything.

Get back to your house as fast as you
can, I'll contact you later. Go on.

You are coming too?I've got work
to do. Get the police, and hurry.

Monsieur Legrand!
Oh! Inspector, thank heaven.

I've had the most terrible time.

I've been kidnapped, assaulted,
impersonated...

Monsieur, take it more slowly,
please.

Get inside my car
and tell me all about it.

Thank you.

Not bad.
We'll have to remove the farmes.

Where's that Gunter? Is he telling
Legrand bedtime stories?

They don't weigh much.

What we are carrying is solid gold.

Disappointing, isn't it?

Ah-ah!

More hardware?

How about you?

I knew you were expecting
three Leonardos,

but you'll just have to do with
one Templar.

How did you get here?
I was right behind you all the way,

almost breathing down your neck.

How about the hair?

No, no, no!

Now, I've known Marcel Legrand
for years.

So why don't you tell me who you are?

I tell you nothing.

Oh, I've got it. You're expecting
help from Gunter.

Don't you recognise his g*n?

Why don't we join him? The cellar.

Allow me.

Open it.

Mr Templar?

Yes. Who are you?
Inspector Matieu.

This is Sergeant Bernard.
Monsieur Legrand sent us.

That was quick.
Er, we were watching this place.

Well, there's plenty to see.

Where is Legrand?
We sent him home.

He was shaking like a jelly.

Where is the man
who impersonated him?

Locked up downstairs with, er...
some friends.

By the way,
these are Legrand's papers.

Thank you.

Any idea what this is all about?

Oh, er, a case of thieves
falling out.

Thieves?
Yes, the girl on one side

and these people on the other.

Natasha Ivanova's a thief?
She is not Natasha Ivanova.

She is no more Russian than I am.

No, her name is Godford
and she's German.

The, er, the paintings,
they are in here?

They should be, but they're not.

And they're not there either.

Where are they?

They're back at the house,
in a cupboard in the box room.

Does the girl know that?
No, she doesn't know a thing.

Ah.

You are a resourceful man,
Mr Templar.

Well, let us see these villains.

So the pictures didn't come
from Russia at all?

No, the pictures did.
The girl did not.

If the police do not come too
quickly, we may get out of here.

Then hurry!

I do not understand.
Where did Mr Templar go to and why?

Perhaps his work was finished.

Without saying goodbye. He has not
even got a car. It's so strange.

Oh!

Mademoiselle Natasha Ivanova?
Yes?

Inspector Matieu. Police.
Special Branch.

May we come in?
Well, I don't...

Thank you.

Er, perhaps in the salon.
Thank you.

Well, gentlemen, what is it?

I understand you were visited by
Monsieur Marcel Legrand

this morning.
Yes.

That is perfectly true.

And you sold him some paintings.

Yes.

My paintings.

Oh, the ownership of the paintings

is, er, not yet in question,
Mademoiselle.

What is?

I regret to have to tell you that,
um,

Monsieur Legrand was, er,
m*rder*d today.

m*rder*d?!

He was k*lled in his car,

on a lonely country road.

I can't believe it.

His wallet.

His chequebook.

I see he paid you a very large
sum of money.

The paintings!
An empty crate.

No paintings.

They got them!

m*rder! I never dreamt
they would go that far.

They?
I...

have some enemies
who were after the paintings.

They must have k*lled him.

No. No, no. We have arrested the man
who k*lled him.

He has confessed.

Who?

His name is Simon Templar.

What?!

He was unlucky. The m*rder was
witnessed by some woodsmen.

They chased him and, er, got him.

They must have found
the paintings, too.

No.

According to Templar, he never put
the paintings in the car.

They are still, er, here,

in this house.

I don't understand at all.
It makes no sense.

He intended to k*ll Legrand and then
come back here for the pictures.

Perhaps you are very lucky
to be alive.

I don't believe it!

Well, it is very easy to find out.

Let us go and see where he said
he put them.

In a cupboard, er, in the box room.

Shall we go?

You wait here.

A thousand times I tell her -
do not trust strangers.

Your property is safe, Mademoiselle.

Come, you should be happy.

Now a dealer would be glad
to buy them.

It's just that...
Well, Simon Templar seemed so...

Let me tell you something
as a policeman.

Never be taken in by appearances.
You're absolutely right.

What are you doing?
Oh, I am taking the pictures

into police custody.

But they belong to me!

Quite so.
If you would like to accompany them,

you can spend the night in custody
yourself.

There is no reason for this.
The pictures are my property.

But Mademoiselle, you must
understand my position.

A m*rder has been committed.
A m*rder for these paintings,

which are technically
in your possession.

Take them to the car.
Be careful! You could damage them!

Oh, put the car rug over them.

Don't worry, madame,
I will give you a receipt

and you can come and reclaim them.

You can be assured they will be safe
with the Surete.

Your receipt for the pictures.

Well, when will I get them back?
We will let you know.

You will be needed for
identification purposes

when Templar is formally charged.
In two or three days' time.

You're not going away, Mademoiselle?

How can I without those pictures?

Oh, yes.
Well, au revoir, Mademoiselle.

Come.

You can put the car away, Hans.
Yes, Mademoiselle.

I'll unpack later.

I can't believe it.

Simon a m*rder*r!

Let this be a lesson.

I'll never trust anybody again.

Not in my whole life.

You...you...k*ller!

You are talking to me?
You k*lled Marcel Legrand!

Nobody k*lled Marcel Legrand.
He's at home, safe and sound.

If you don't believe me,
you can call him.

And that wasn't Legrand that came
here this morning.

You're lying!
Gospel truth.

But the police inspector told me...
He wasn't a real inspector either.

What?!
A fake.

I gave him the paintings!

You are a silly girl, aren't you?

This is your fault!

All of it!

Why not try the roses?

Damsel in distress, you said!

You're behind the whole thing!

Aah!

May I get you a towel?
Beast!

That does it.

If you'd minded your business...

You wait. Wait.

Wait now.

Ow!

Now... Argh!

Is the party over?
Go away! Leave me alone!

All right.

But before I go,

I would like to leave you with
something to remember me by.

Simon!

Well, don't just sit there,
upsy-daisy.

Simon, you're a darling!

An absolute darling!

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah

My, you are a moody girl, aren't you?

Sacre bleu! It's forged!

But those men, Monsieur.
If they come back.

Say we're headed south.

Don't worry, Hans,
I will sell the pictures.

And we will have more money
than we know what to do with.

Thieves.

Hiding.

I hid my car here
when I saw you had visitors.

You think of everything.
All the time.

They're back.

Oh, dear, that's a pity.
I had hoped they'd get to Paris

before they found out.

What can we do?

Spike a few tyres. You wait here.

You're not dealing with amateurs,
old man.

Where did they go?
South.

That is all I know.

With the pictures?
No.

I... I didn't see any pictures.

Come, we must search the house.

Constabulary deflated.

Yeah.

Now where?
Guess.

Marcel Legrand's.
Mm-hm.

For some instant money.
Mm!

Oh, Simon, you're a divine man!

I bet you say that to all the boys.
Where would I be without you?

An interesting question.

You know there are two lots of people
after these pictures.

Two?

The first lot's German, and
our flat-tyre friends are Russian.

You're not by any chance
in a White Russian's little black book, are you?

Not that I know of.

Natasha...

Simon.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

No. Never before, I swear.

I don't suppose
you'd like to marry me?

No, but I am open to
all other suggestions.

Mm.

You think Simon will come?
He always keeps his word.

I long to meet him.
Don't count your sables yet, cherie.

Do you really think I care about
the sable coat?

I know you do not,
that is why you shall have one.

If the Leonardos really exist.

Which they may not.

With women, Simon is infallable.

With art, he's an amateur.

Speak of the devil.

Not a sound.

Bring the car round to the side.

Who is in the house?

No-one.

You are alone?

Marcel!
Please keep quiet, Madame Legrand,

and you will not be hurt.

I do not know what you want,
Monsieur,

but I beg you, my husband
has a heart condition.

Any severe shock might...
Then I suggest he cooperate.

Has Templar been here?
No.

But you expect him?

I do not know.
We do.

He will come here with the paintings
and this girl.

And you are going to help us.

I do not understand.

Cherie.

We will be in there, Monsieur.

With Madame.

You will act completely normally.
You will examine the paintings

in your best professional manner,

you will offer a reasonable
market price and pay by cheque.

Then you'll get rid of Templar
and the girl as fast as possible.

I cannot do this, act normally.
I am too nervous.

I do not like this business,
Monsieur,

but we are playing for
very high stakes indeed -

over a million dollars.

So if you fumble, or betray us,

Madame will be sh*t.

Please, Madame.

Please, cherie.

Monsieur, for both your sakes,
cooperate.

What is Legrand like?

With women, Marcel's an amateur.

But with art, he is an expert.

So I wouldn't try telling him
any fibs.

Why should I?
I'm telling you why you shouldn't.

Try, Monsieur.

Please.

Ah, Marcel. May I present
Mademoiselle Natasha Ivanova?

Monsieur, I've looked foreward
to this meeting for so long.

Mademoiselle.

This way, please.

Oh, what a lovely room!

Thank you. Please sit down.

Marcel, where's Madame Legrand?
I haven't met her yet.

Lucille? She's, er...

..she's dining with friends.

What's the matter?
Matter?

They gave you a bad time today,
didn't they?

Yes. I was upset. I...

I still am.

Never mind, these'll cheer you up.

They're from a collection owned by
Natasha's grandfather.

He smuggled them out
during the revolution.

Incroyable!

Fantastique!

The suspense is k*lling me.

Well, they are certainly genuine.

What I cannot understand is

how they came to be in the
possession of someone called Ivanov.

These are from the collection of
Prince Alexei Voronov.

And where is he?
He was sh*t during the revolution.

None of his pictures were ever seen
again, neither here or in Russia.

It was thought that his collection
was destroyed.

What was that?

My cat.

You see, Mademoiselle,
these pictures have a pedegree.

They were Prince Alexei's.
My grandfather was his bailiff.

The prince gave them to Grandfather
because after the revolutionaries came...

That's when the Vulgar Boatmen
were rowing for Harvard.

Simon.

That's my name.
But Ivanova's not yours, is it?

It's Godford.
What are you talking about?

I didn't speak Russian to you
in the cab,

but you wouldn't understand
because you're German.

Fake lover!It does not matter
if the lady is German

or Russian or Japanese,
none of the Voronov family

are alive to claim the pictures.
Meaning you'll buy them?

For five million.
Francs?

Done.

Any cigarettes in here, Marcel?
Wait!

Here.

Thank you.

There you are, Mademoiselle.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for coming.

And now, Simon, you must forgive me,
I've had a very long and tiring day.

I must go to bed.

Marcel, in view of what's happened,

wouldn't it be better if we stayed
the night?

No, no, I shall be quite all right.

Why don't you ask the police
to put a man outside the gate? Yes.

I will do that, I promise.
Good night, Monsieur Legrand.

Thank you more than I can say.
Thank you.

I'll call you in the morning.

Congratulations, Monsieur,
you did very well.

Have Mundt bring the car around.
Get the trunk in here.

Get your wife a coat, Monsieur.
Coat?

So that you don't do anything
foolish, we must...take her with us.

Why have we stopped?

I have news for you, Mother Russia.

That cheque is no use at all.

Legrand was scared stiff tonight.

And his wife wasn't dining with
friends,

she had taken coffee and brandy
with him.

Conclusion - they had visitors.

Them.
Them.

And before I stick my neck out
for you again,

I want the whole truth
and nothing but.

Otherwise I resign.
Oh, no, no, no, I will tell you.

It's a long story.

Oh.

Well, you'd better tell me en route.
Where?

Darling, the object of this caper

is either pictures or money.

And at the moment, we have neither.

Not another inch
until you get to the point.

Well, my father was a colonel
in the German Army.

And when they invaded Russia,
he occupied an old castle.

Prince Alexei's?

And way up in the cellar,
he found the paintings.

I found them!

Hacking my way through a cellar wall
with a pick axe.

I showed them to my colonel,
the girl's father,

and he says,
"These priceless works of art

must be sent to our belove fuhrer!"

Then the lying swine
kept them for himself.

Right, get the trunk out of here
into the car.

There go the paintings.

Wait here.

Three months ago,
by a million to one chance,

I learn where the girl is living.

I write to her,
ask her to share the paintings.

She agrees I have a moral right,
at least, to something.

But when I go and see her,
she is gone.

She has left the country and brought
the paintings to France to sell.

Well, now you know.

Come, Madame.
Do not take my wife away.

I will do nothing, I promise.

When we are safely out of France,
your wife will be released.

Ow!

Ssh!

Come, Madame,
I don't want to use force.

Simon Templar. Excuse me.

Well, gentlemen, we meet again.

For the last time.

Bernard?

Can't we settle this amicably?

Oh, very amicably, because
we have two g*ns.

Oh, Monsieur, Madame,
sit if you please.

You, sit.

Now, you will all stay here
under Bernard's, er, care.

Mr Templar, this way if you please.

Simon!

Ah, now the party is complete.

You will come with us, Mademoiselle.

Please.
Manners.

Oh. Pardon.

Comrade, just which team are you on?

Ah, Special Security Corps.

Attached to the Hermitage Museum,
Leningrad.

My, er, job is to recover
works of art

looted from Russia during the w*r.

My methods vary.

Sometimes, er,
I appeal to the heart.

Sometimes I buy.

Sometimes...I steal.

Sometimes he hits people over the
head when their backs are turned.

Yes, I am sorry about that.

Nevertheless, the Leonardos once
belonged to Prince Alexei Voronov.

Now they belong to
the Russian people.

He does have a point.
My father found those paintings.

He kept them for more than years.

Your father looted them.

Comrade, suppose you pay Natasha
% of their value?

No.

Surely she's entitle to something?
She's entitled to nothing.

That's what I like - compromise.

Oh, never mind!
I'm sick of the whole business.

Let him take them.
They're in a trunk in a car outside.

I know.

That seems to be that, then,
doesn't it?

Presumably we're free to go.
Oh, but of course.

Well, there's nothing left to do
but say good night.

Good night, Mr Templar.
And, er, good luck.

The same to you.

What are you laughing about?

I took a leaf from your notebook.

While all that was going on
back there,

I took the paintings
out of the trunk.

They're in the back of the car now.

You know, I don't understand you,
Mr Templar.

Well, it isn't that I object
to doing the fair thing,

it's just that I don't like being
forced to do it at gunpoint.

Well, er,

there you are.

% of the value of the paintings.

One million francs.

Thank you, comrade.

I, er, may take them now?

With our combined compliments.

Thank you.

Allow me.

Mr Templar, ,
it's been a pleasure.

You know,
I could use a man like you.

Well, the next time I'm unemployed
I'll call you.

I hope so.

Goodbye, Mademoiselle.
Goodbye.

Well, at least I got
a million francs out of it.

Half a million.

Do you mean you are going to take
half?!

I earned it.

Every single centime.

Well, I must say you do take reverses
with admiral good nature.

I despise greedy people.

Oh, yes. Quite.

Simon, what about Van Dykes
and Reubens?

Do they fetch good prices?

Very. Why?

Darling, the Leonardos
were just the beginning.

There are plenty more
where they came from.