06x06 - The Double Take

[bunniefuu]

Sheep-herding of passengers
may be standard airport routine.

But at least the shepherds are
pretty.

Oh, sir, one moment.

It's my pleasure to inform you that
you are

the ten millionth passenger
to pass through Athens Airport.

What fun.
Would you come with me, please?

Thank you, but no. I am in transit.

On my way to Beirut.
I may miss my connecting flight.

Oh, please. It's my job.

And we won't keep you long.

The management want to make
a small presentation.

And a glass of champagne.

Please come.

All right. This way.

All this for being the tenth million
passenger? Well, you can skip the champagne.

Annabel speaking. Our VIP will be
with us in minutes.

minutes?

Just a moment.
I have a plane to catch for Beirut.

There are other planes. Yes, but my
bags happen to be on that plane.

Your bags are in the back of this
car.

Get in.
Now, please, don't be alarmed.

I am sorry, but it was the only way
I could be sure of getting you.

Getting me?
We need you.

May I be so bold as to ask for what?

Surely that's obvious.

After all, you're the famous
Simon Templar.

Mr Patroclos, this is Simon Templar.

Out.

I want no calls or interruptions.

Patroclos?

Eugene Patroclos?

You've heard of me?

Who hasn't? Goodbye.
Now, Templar, please.

You are very angry, yes?

That is an understatement.

It will all be made good.

You are here. Now listen to me and
sit down.

I need something done.
Done urgently.

Mr Patroclos, let's get one thing
straight.

I very rarely do favours for the over
privileged. And never under pressure.

So, you will change your mind
after you hear this.

I am being impersonated, Templar.
No, a better word, duplicated.

Disgusting.

Think of a carbon copy.

A photostat, so accurate in every
detail as to be identical.

There are two of me, Templar, two.

Quite turns my stomach.

That is your only comment?

Apart from the obvious. That it's
impossible.

So we agree. Impossible.

These old stories about perfect
doubles are all malarkey.

Yes, yes, to imitate clothes, that
is simple.

Mannerisms even. But beneath them
there is the man, me!

Quite.

Me, unique. Unrepeatable.

These lines. No man can have these
things without he be me.

You're absolutely right.

And there you have it, Mr Patroclos,
the case is solved. May I go now?

Nevertheless, Templar,

though we both know it is
impossible, there is such a man.

Have you seen him?

No, but my friends say to me
"I've seen you last week in Paris."

I tell them I have not been in Paris.

I've been here at home.
With a good book.

I am serious.

I find entries in my bank statement
showing I have made purchase of a new car

or a piece of jewellery,
when I have made no such purchase.

Have you asked to see the cheques?

Of course! My signature.

But I did not sign them.

Now, listen, Templar, I have houses,
apartments, offices all over the world.

And this man uses them.

Wherever I am not, he is.

He knows my every move.

And for every suit I possess,
he has had made another, identical.

I say to the London police
I am being impersonated.

"Please find this man quick."

They are very active.

A week later, they arrest me.

Wouldn't have been anything to do
with a Chief Inspector Teal, would it?

Huh?

Oh, just a joke.

You joke, you joke, but I am on my
way to an important meeting.

I say this to the police, but no,
first I must go to Scotland Yard.

They must see my passport.
The whole thing, you know.

At last they are convinced
that I am the real Patroclos.

I may go.

I precipitate myself to this
meeting, but what is this? It is finished without me.

This masquerader, he's been there.

Not only that.

He has blocked a deal
I was planning.

And instead he has negotiated
another.

Mr Patroclos,

that's quite unbelievable.

At last you are interested, eh?

But that, Templar, was just the beginning.
Since then there have been many such deals.

What sort of deals?

Oh, shipping.

All shipping.

Successful?

Very successful, but
erm...unprincipled.

In what way?

This, Templar, is confidential.

Arms to the Congo.

Hard dr*gs to the United States.

You know, any number of things
I would never deal in.

I see.

I'm sorry, Mr Niklas, he's in
conference.

No, I'm sorry.

He'll call you.

And you want me to find him?

I'll give you , American
dollars if you do.

Mr Patroclos, no.

I am on holiday.
You weren't listening, were you?

I said I never did things under
pressure.

You messed up my plans.

I thought I'd mess yours up for half
an hour.

It is Annabel, isn't it?

Well, seeing as you arrange things so
nicely,

would you like to pick up your phone and book
me a seat on the next Beirut-bound plane?

I've er...already checked.

There isn't another flight until the
morning.

Really?
Yes, really.

But since we do have a suite booked
for you tonight at the Minos Palace...

We do, do we? On the house I trust?

Naturally.

Well, I don't believe you about the
plane,

but a night here at the master's
expense could have its compensations.

You won't forget about the flight
tomorrow, will you?

I'll see myself out.

Ah, Mr Templar. Yes.

Will you sign, please?

Thank you.

And someone left this for you.

Thank you.

You understand? You will pick up
your cases.

There's a cab waiting outside to
take you to the airport. You will leave now.

How thoughtful, but a trifle premature.
Tell him to come back tomorrow morning.

No, sir. Patroclos will try again.
You may weaken. You must leave now.

So, pick up the cases.

And move out.

Slowly.

The plane leaves in half an hour.
We'd better hurry.

Argh!

I've thought things over.

And you've changed your mind?
Splendid.

Anything else I should know?

Yes, there is. For me, more
important.

This man or his agents have been to
my safe.

What was missing?

My code book.

It contains everything. Details of
my entire business empire.

Plus the code I use
to communicate with my companies.

But you immediately cancelled, I
trust.

That is not the point.

But this thing is my most key
possession.

A part of my very identity.

If he obtains this, what else may he
obtain?

My certificate of birth?
My passport?

Now, don't you see what it means?
I do indeed.

He becomes me.

And that's what he wants,
don't you see?

Force me out and take my place.

So, find this masquerader
and get me back my code book.

All right. Where do I start?
London.

In two weeks, I have a series of
important meetings.

He may have it in his head
to be there instead of me.

If so, you will foil him.

Fine. I'll leave tonight.
You'll leave in an hour.

Annabel has made you a reservation.

Come in.

You haven't seen us, lads, right?

OK, Pat.
All right.

This is strictly against the rules,
Simon. That's jolly nice of you.

Right, then.

Old Patroclos. Old golden guts, eh?

Mac, Nam, Pat. There we are.

Been keeping well?
Can't complain.

There we are.

All yours.

Thanks.

There he is.

Ugly-looking beggar, isn't he?
What's he been up to?

You tell me.
Wait a minute.

There was something. His ships have
been carrying dodgy cargos lately.

There were some mumblings in the UN
about it.

Ah, no.

We tried to work up a feature on it,
but it was too green.

The old man said, let it ripen a
little.

What about women?

No. Man's a monk. The only things he
takes home are bits of glass.

Glass?

Tinkle, tinkle. You know. Stuff you
drink out of.

He's got one of the finest
collections in the world. Antique stuff.

Have you found something?

Read the blurbs.

"Eugene Patroclos, party-going in
Venice."

"Eugene Patroclos presenting the Out
Islands' Yachting Trophy at Nassau." So what?

Now, read the dates they were taken
on.th July .

th July . He couldn't have been in
two places at the same time, could he?

Must be a misprint.
Do you mind if I keep them?

Help yourself. Just don't flash them
about when you go out.

Hello.

Yes, speaking. Hello, Annabel.

Yes?
Is Mr Patroclos there?

Of course.
Can I speak to him?

He's in conference.

Well, get him to the phone. Tell him
it's urgent.

He gave me strict orders
he wasn't to be disturbed.

I said get him to the phone or I quit
the job!

All right. Hold on.

PATROCLOS: I am extremely busy
so make it brief. What do you want?

I'm calling from London, Mr
Patroclos.

I just wanted to make sure you were
there.

I've been here all the time,
of course.

Now, if that's all you want to know,
excuse me. I've much work to do.

Bye.

Throwing a party.

Good evening, sir.
Good evening.

Your name, please, sir?
Simon Templar.

Miss Annabel.

Mr Simon Templar.

Annabel, how are you?
I don't think we've met.

Simon Templar.

San Remo. We shared a crayfish
on the esplanade, I seem to remember.

I think you must be mistaken. Although I
do seem to have seen you somewhere recently.

You are Annabel, aren't you?

Yes, but...

Oh, dear.

I'm a forgotten incident, am I?

Well, never mind. You just tell
Eugene I'm here.

Well, I suppose it's all right.
You'd better come in.

Not for me, thank you.

Do you know anyone here?

Probably. I don't see Eugene.

Well, he's busy at the moment.
But I'll tell him you're here. Excuse me.

Well, you know Eugene. Once he gets his
claws into a man, rends him limb from limb.

Don't we know. What did he do?

Sold the company. The chap along
with it.

Bound by contract for the next five
years.

Sold it to a firm of East End
bookmakers, if you please.

Sold into sl*very, what?
Exactly.

Marvellous.
Good old Eugene. He never changes.

Oh, I don't know. Wouldn't you say
he had changed a bit lately?

What do you mean?
Well, it's hard to explain.

Hadn't you noticed?

None of us are getting any younger.
You mean you're not, Charles.

Eugene seems to stay exactly the
same.

I don't mean exactly that he's aged.

Well, he's just changed.

Well, I hadn't noticed it.

Nor I.
Sometimes I wish he would.

Oh, it's just an impression.

Perhaps I'm mistaken.

Mr Templar, he'll see you now.
Thank you.

If you'll excuse me?

Strange fellow.

What was he getting at?
I don't know.

He was rather nice though,
wasn't he?

Mr Templar.

Eugene, good to see you.

Templar. What brings you here
at this hour?

Well, I was passing.

Saw your porchlight. Guessed you must
be home. How was Athens?

Not good. Political situation.
You look well.

You're not mad at me?

Should I be?

Well, Annabel gave me the glass
elbow. I thought something had happened.

Cigar?

No, thanks.

What have you been doing since San
Remo?

Oh, moving around.
Picking up a piece here and there.

As a matter of fact, that's why I stopped by.
I may have found you another Millefiori.

Is that so?

Yes, a matching piece to the one
I sold you in San Remo.

You do still have it, I hope.
See for yourself.

SIMON: Ah, yes.

Which one?

Well, I'm hardly likely to forget.

That one.

Glad to see you've done some
homework.

But not quite enough I'm afraid.

That piece came from Sotheby's.

The Cambrian Collection.

Enough games. What do you want?

You know what I want.

You think I might make a deal with
you, is that it?

Possibly.

It might just save your bacon.

Sit down.

When Annabel says to me you are
here,

I say to myself, "What is The Saint
doing in my house?"

It was...very inexplicable to me.

At first.
At first?

My good Templar,
you know I am being impersonated,

so you resolve to investigate on my
behalf.

You are very shrewd.

You confirm this, that you are here
to investigate this impostor?

I can't deny it.

Templar, you are hired.

Good night.
Good night.

Good night.

Fetch Bainter!
I think he's gone to bed, sir.

Get him up.
Very good, sir.

Templar is moving in. Have a room
prepared.

Tonight?
Tonight.

Tomorrow you will familiarise him
with my itinerary for the next month.

But, Mr Patroclos...
I trust him.

As of now, he's in full charge
of my personal security.

Templar, commencing next week
I have a series of vital meetings.

This impostor may try to worm his
way into some of them. So I want you to...

I know. See that he doesn't horn in
and gum up the works.

That is your assignment. Until the
commencement of these meetings,

you will remain permanently in this
house.I will what?

That is the condition of your
employment.

I see.

You're bottling me up in case I
should try to contact your other half.

Nothing personal, you understand?

Oh, no. Of course not.

Well, in that case, I shall go home
and pack some things.

That will not be necessary.

Bainter, come in. Bainter, this is
Mr Templar.

Take the car. Go to his home.
Pack enough clothes to last for a month.

And bring them back here.

That will not be necessary, Bainter.

That you remain in this house
is a condition of your employment.

Accept it or go.

There we are, Bainter.

That was so as not to embarrass your
servant.

I will remain in this house
for as long as I want to.

Not one second more.

We shall see. But now I have some
work to do.

Annabel.

Make yourself at home, Templar.
Treat this house as your own.

SIMON: There is a difference.

At home I'm not chained to the bed
post.

There, sir. I trust we haven't
forgotten anything.

Thank you. Not a thing.
"We" are very efficient, Bainter.

Thank you, sir.
You been with Mr Patroclos long?

years, sir.

You travel with him?
No, sir.

I erm...I just work here.

Allow me, sir.
Oh, thank you.

Must be quite a problem for a valet,

keeping up with his master's changing
moods.

I'm afraid I don't quite...

For example, this month, as you see,
I'm on a red tie kick.

But next month I could quite easily
change to another colour.

It's funny you should say that.

Colours, he generally wears
what I put out for him. But sizes?

His feet.
His feet?

Well, they vary. He always used to
wear eight,

but sometimes now when he comes back
from abroad, he can only get into nines.

It's obvious, isn't it?
What is, sir?

His feet travel badly.

Yes, sir.

I won't keep you, sir.

I expect you want to get some sleep.

Just one thing, sir.

If you want to open the window at
all, six inches is the limit.

Any more and the alarms start to
ring.

Good night, sir.

Good night.

I've cabled for someone
to call for it at the other end.

It'll be on the first plane to
Athens. It should get there about am.

Thank you.
Not at all.

Mr Patroclos.
Shh.

I'm sorry. You said over the
telephone, you were here incognito.

I have reasons for not wishing the
young man to know I am here in London.

I understand.

Here we are.

Why, thank you very much, sir.

What do you mean how do I know?
It is here in the paper!

What for I pay you thousand,
when I can buy the paper for pennies?

You told me they were fully
committed.

Coffee.

Pour me some.

Morning.

, at six, I'm telling you!

Well, check again.

Call me back.

They bleed me, these people.

Advance Information Limited
should read "Limited" in front.

Take a note.
Hustaco tanker building programme.

Morning. You slept well, I trust.

Yes, considering.

Considering what?

Considering my new responsibilities.
Oh, yes.

Well, now, Annabel, today you will
brief Templar

on the schedules for all the coming
meetings.

Have you given any thought to what your other
half is proposing to do at these meetings?

Bit by bit, Templar, he's trying to
take control of my business.

To what end?
What end?

Destroy me, of course.
And take away my empire!

You take it, Annabel.

Patroclos residence.

Hold on.

It's for you, Mr Templar.
A cablegram.

Oh, well, I'd better take it
downstairs.

No need! Annabel will take it here.

ANNABEL: Go ahead. From Athens, yes.

Your gift and communication
received. Stop.

Wonderful surprise. Stop.

Returning to London end of week.
Stop.

Prepare for big reunion.

Love, Mother.

No, no need to confirm. Thank you.

Your mother is in Greece?
It seems so.

It's amazing where the old girl gets
to.

Last week she was in Timbuktu.

Now she crops up in the Acropolis.

Remarkable woman.

Yes, wanderlust. Runs in the family.

Do you know we even sleepwalk?

Your bath's ready, Mr Patroclos.

Well, Templar, I approve.

A man who remembers his mother
is a man to be trusted.

Well, we're going to spend the day
together.

We'll start at eleven.

Fine. We can continue that delightful
chat we had in San Remo.

We had no chat in San Remo,
Mr Templar.

Didn't we?

Strange.

Could there be two Annabels?

That's it. No more tonight. We'll
finish tomorrow.

Can I pour you a nightcap?
Oh, yes, please.

You know, it's funny.

Now that I know you better,
it makes even less sense.

What does? Your bluffing your way
into this house.

All that nonsense about knowing me
before.

PATROCLOS: I did not send the
message. It's impossible!

I don't care. Check again!

Then double check, you fools!

Of course I'll countermand it!

Just as soon as I can make out a...

coded message!

Do it then!

Ring me back and hurry up!

Annabel, upstairs.

My safe.

Get me my code book.

What happened?

Why, but why?

Six cargo ships on their way to
Singapore.

Mid-ocean, they change course
for an unknown destination.

Who sent the message?

A communications officer says I did
from Athens.

Me? But I'm here.

It's obvious, isn't it?

The other you is there.

No, no.

Even he, without he have my personal
code, no.

What are the ships carrying?
Who cares what they're carrying?

It seems he does.

Agricultural machinery.

A little grain. Nothing.

The code book isn't there,
Mr Patroclos.

Of course it is, girl!

No. I looked thoroughly.

Puts on a great show, your boss.

You two could make a fortune on the
stage.

You took my code book.
That telegram from Athens.

Bravo. Excellent dialogue.

Beautifully delivered.

You're working for the other side.
Am I?

There is one way to find out.

The phoney is in Athens.

Why aren't we there now, tearing him
to strips?

Because first I had some business
to settle.

And is it settled?
Yes. Is the plane ready?

It's been standing by since noon,
sir.

All right. We'll face that impostor.
Pack your bags.

We go.

Where is he,
this man who looks like me?

Mr Patroclos, did you forget
something?

Who are you?

What? Mr Patroclos...

You remember me, Annabel?
Of course, Mr Templar.

Well, this is the other Patroclos.

Annabel, you're supposed to be
Annabel?

But of course I am.

Don't try and figure it out, Annabel.
Just tell us where he is.

Well, you... I mean, he...

Well...you just left, Mr Patroclos.

How long ago?
Just two minutes.

You went out the back way.

Where's he going?

He didn't say. He had a phone call.

Who from?
From the airport.

He collected his papers and rushed
out.Come on.

The airport. And hurry.

Ande, grigora. Grigora!

That's what I said.

Now you know who is real.

I arrive, he runs.

So, you are ahead on points.

It's still anybody's game.

The police.

I must warn Interpol.

Wherever it lands, they must catch
him.

Why, I don't think we need bother
Interpol.

So? You have an idea?

When we arrived, that plane was
practically out of gas.

They haven't had time to refuel.

You mean...?
Either he turns back...

or he crashes.

FIRST ANNABEL: Look, all I know
is that I work for Eugene Patroclos.

The Patroclos. Well, he must be
genuine.

She's lying.
I'm not!

Well, then why pretend to be me?
Why should I pretend to be you?

What's your full name?

Annabel Rawlings.
But I'm Annabel Rawlings!

You're lying.
Girls, girls, please.

Now, Annabel...
BOTH: Yes?

Annabel One. That's you.

How long have you worked
for the man known as Patroclos?

Five years.

And you, Annabel Two?
Five years.

Well, as the fake Patroclos has not
been going that long, one of you is lying.

Can either of you prove you have been
working for him that long?

I can. You can check
with the Bannerman Bureau in London.

But I was employed through
Bannerman's!

Well, unless Bannerman's carry
photographs of the girls they find jobs for,

which I'm sure they don't,
we are up against a brick wall.

Hello.

Yes, I see.

Thank you.

Well, it crashed.

Into the sea, five miles off Corfu.

No survivors.

So...

Thank you.

Oh, no.

I had to pretend while there was
still some hope.

Then he was the fake?
Yes.

I didn't know at first.

But then when he made me change my
name, I began to realise.

And he offered me a lot of money.

Satisfied, Templar?

There are still a few things I don't
understand.

We'll discuss them later. But now this
young lady and I have to go to the police.

Oh, please.
I will make no charge.

But you must give a full statement
of all this,

so that I may disassociate myself
from any damage this man has done.

You don't waste a second, do you?

You're the real Patroclos all right.

I'll see you both at the villa.

Well, that's that.

Is it?

What about the pilot? He must have
known the plane was low on fuel.

After all, he flew it from London,
so why did he take off again?

Maybe he was forced to.

Gunpoint?

No, I don't think so.

And there's another thing.

The code book. It never left London.

I got it out of the safe all right
and I even got it as far as London Airport.

But your Patroclos took it back
again.

And without the code book,
the ship couldn't be diverted, right?

Yes, I see what you mean.

Your Patroclos did the diverting from
London. He had the code book all the time.

No, darling, it just doesn't fit.
It's all too pat.

Plane crashes. Impostor k*lled. Case
solved.

What are you looking for?
Cargo manifests.

Anything to tell us what those ships
are carrying.

Of course.

Here's something. A repair bill for
a ship called the Macedonian Prince.

She was supposed to have sailed with six others
but got held up because of engine trouble.

She's still in port. In Piraeus.
She sails at midnight.

Annabel Two, I love you.

What do you suppose is in them all?

This one says "paint".

Let's have a look.

What is it?
Paint.

Let's try "farm implements".

Farm implements.

That's the quoc-ngu alphabet used in
Vietnam.

So, you think they're bound for
North Vietnam?

There's no doubt about it.

So are those other six ships. There
we have it.

The mystery solved.

But not the problem.
What problem?

To stop this ship sailing tonight.

Notify the police?

Why? There's no law against the
export of arms.

Well, then, why are they hidden?

To avoid trouble with the Americans.

That's it. There's a US Navy frigate
anchored in the bay.

See if you can contact one of the
shore parties.

Think you can make it alone?
Yes. But what about you?

I'll stay and see what other little
surprises they have in store for us.

PATROCLOS: Stop it, you fools!

It's Templar. He works for me.

Sorry, Templar. These idiots didn't
realise.

Oh, they realised all right.

Look at this.

What is the meaning of this?

Let me explain.

Singapore was just a paper
destination. A sop to the authorities.

All that guff about the ships being
diverted. They weren't being diverted at all.

The destination right from the outset
was Hanoi.

If this is true,

then it must be my impostor...

Come off it, Patroclos. There is no
impostor. Never has been.

It was you right from the start.

It was rumoured you were shipping
arms to North Vietnam.

You knew that once these rumours were
proved,

bang would go
your nice, fat investments in the US.

So you invented a double.
A scapegoat.

Someone you could heap the whole
blame on and walk off scot-free.

But then why would I
hire you?

You needed an impartial witness.

Someone to prove this other man
existed.

So all my work is for nothing?

But if you will not be a witness
for me, you will never be one against me!

k*ll him!

Hey, love!

Please listen to me!
I'm in trouble! Please help me!

Honey, whatever your troubles are,
you just tell 'em to Chuck Spendleton.

Honey, they's gonna disappear.

Hold it. You sh**t, the whole lot
goes up. Us with it.

Now, back off.

So it ends, eh, Eugene?

The big bamboozle.

I must say the planning was
fantastic.

The quick switch from Athens to
London, that had me fooled.

The slightly-altered hairstyle.

The careful briefing of your staff.

The valet, the chasing of the empty
Rolls-Royce.

Oh, and the plane. What did the pilot
do?

Set the controls and jump out
while he was still over land?

It was a brilliant plan.

Except for one thing.

The whole basic premise.

As I said when we met,

the whole idea of a perfect double
is just a load of malarkey.

What is happening?
Makes a change from the cavalry.

Hey. Is that thing alive?

Yes.

Paint.

But what could I do?

After all, he was my boss.
I had to go along with him.

Of course you did, Annabel One.

I believed everything he told me.
I thought the impostor was for real.

Of course you did, Annabel Two.

Anyway, I'm glad the Americans
intercepted the other ships.

What'll they do to him
when he gets over his nervous breakdown?

Legally nothing.

Financially, Uncle Sam
will cut him down to about that size.

You know what fooled me all the time?
What?

The simplest trick of all.

PATROCLOS: Templar, I'm extremely
busy so make it brief. What do you want?

I know what I want.

Lunch. How about you two?

That'll be lovely. Thank you very
much. Thank you.

I've been here all the time, of
course. Now, if that's all you want to...

Templar, I'm extremely busy
so make it brief. What do you want?