04x25 - All the President's Thunder-Men

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Thundermans". Aired: October 14, 2013 - May 25, 2018.*
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Series revolves around the Thundermans, a family with superpowers who try to live normal lives in the fictional town of Hiddenville.
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04x25 - All the President's Thunder-Men

Post by bunniefuu »

- And that's when I knew I had seen my th UFO.

- [laughing] Wow. Another great story, Cherry.

- BARB: Kids?

What happened to you?

- We saved a beached whale.

Then it said thank you by spitting seaweed on us.

The save would've gone smoother,

if I had the land, air and sea rocket

I requested from the Hero League.

- Oh, the rocket shark. - Yep.

It goes from scuba to sky in . seconds.

- Hey, thanks for waiting for me, Cherry.

- Aw, it's cool, but I can't hang out

or else I'm gonna be late for work at the Clam Castle.

- If President Kickbutt had just made you my supe assistant

like I asked, your job would be hangin' out with me.

- I am very qualified for that job.

- I know!

Know what? I'm gonna call Kickbutt right now.

- Not if I call her, first.

- Hey, kids! You can't bother President Kickbutt

with your frivolous requests. - ALL: [gasping]

- I have been called a lot of things,

but frivolous is a word I don't know.

- It means she's too busy to take your silly requests--

like last week when somebody asked for space hair gel?

- Do you think I want my hair to look like yours?

Okay, fine. We promise not to call President Kickbutt.

Thunder Monitor, call President Kickbutt.

- FEMALE VOICE: President Kickbutt is not available.

- Is she blocking our calls?

- FEMALE VOICE: Yes, but you didn't hear it from me.

- She can't hide from us. Chloe?

- [whooshing]

- Hey, we need you to go get President Kickbutt.

- I guess my tea party can wait.

[whooshing]

- So, did I ever tell you guys

that I once met an alien named Gramulak?

[laughing] Funny story.

- [whooshing]

- So, I say to you supes--

Why am I here?

You kids interrupted my State of the SuperUnion speech.

- Sorry, but we have some issues

that are really, really important.

- Yeah, I need my rocket shark.

- I'll tell you what I told you the last ten times--

never!

- Well, have you reconsidered my requests

for Cherry to be my supe assistant?

- Here's my resume.

- This is just a picture of a cherry.

- I feel like it sums up my experience quite nicely.

Nailed the interview!

- I'm getting out of here

before anyone else asks me for something.

- Yo, Evelyn!

How 'bout a date?

- How about I end you?

- That's not a "no."

- Take a hint, Colosso. She doesn't have time for you.

- Yeah, she's here to give us stuff, so I was thinking--

- The rocket shark, it's like this car, three wheels--

- Enough!

- But we're contenders for the Z-Force.

Helping us is part of your job.

- Maybe I don't want this job anymore.

- Well, you're the president. You can't just quit.

- Watch me!

I quit! - Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Kids, I told you not to call President Kickbutt.

- Well, they can call you now

because you're the new Hero League president.

- Me?!

- Regular citizen Kickbutt, out!

Psst! Chloe, teleport me home.

- [whooshing]

- ♪

♪ What you see

♪ Is not what you get

♪ Livin' our lives with a secret ♪

♪ We fit right in

♪ Bet you never guessed

♪ 'Cause we're livin' our lives ♪

♪ Just like all the rest

♪ A picture perfect family ♪

♪ Is what we try to be

♪ Look closer, you might see ♪

♪ The crazy things we do

♪ This isn't make believe ♪

♪ It's our reality

♪ Just your average family

♪ Trying to be normal and stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Livin' a double life ♪

- ♪

- Did you just make President Kickbutt quit?

- And did she just make me the new president?

Kids, you need to fix this.

- I feel terrible. We didn't know she would quit.

- Yeah, we just asked her for a few things

every day, over and over.

- Well, maybe Kickbutt didn't mean it.

She didn't even send a presidential liaison.

- Hello, I'm your presidential liaison.

Hank Thunderman, I need to know

if you'll accept the nomination.

- This is insane.

Uh, sir, we need to speak with President Kickbutt.

- Oh, she's disappeared to a place

where you annoying Thundermans would never find her.

Her words, not mine.

- Don't you speak that way to the emperor's daughter.

- I don't know. It's a big decision.

- Oh, it's bigger than big.

The Hero League will be without a president, if you decline.

I'll give you some room to decide.

- Phoebe, do you realize what this means?

- We drove poor Kickbutt so crazy, she quit her job.

Am I really that annoying?

Don't answer that.

- No. Now that Kickbutt's gone,

we can get everything we want.

We just have to convince Dad to become president.

- Kickbutt did say she's not coming back.

And I do want Cherry to be my assistant.

- Uh-huh...

- And I do love making you wait for me to decide.

- And you know you want to! Come on!

- I don't know. It's a really big responsibility, honey.

- But, Dad, it only makes sense

for the greatest superhero who ever lived

to become the Hero League president.

- Oh...I wouldn't go that far.

But you can.

- And, Mom, you would make an amazing First Lady.

- Oh, I would, wouldn't I.

Once a simple farm girl,

Barbara McBooger's been picked for greatness.

- Phoebe, look at them.

Something's different. - Yeah, you're right.

They look almost...

"presidential."

- The superworld needs us, honey.

- Yeah. - Mr. Liaison?

It's time to make Hank Tiberius Thunderman superpresident.

- [laughing] Wonderful!

- NORA & BILLY: Congratulations, Dad!

- Congratulations, Max. - Congratulations, Phoebe.

- ♪

- Okay, Mr. Thunderman, after you've been sworn in,

you'll take a bite from the inaugural cake.

- Ooh, my stomach is ready to serve.

- Superpresidents have taken a ceremonial bite

from the cake for over years.

- Two hundred years old?

Hope that comes with a barf bag.

- Oh, there it is-- in that dish.

- [gasping] - I'll be right back.

I forgot to bring the Hero League handbook.

[laughing] I'm a train wreck today.

- Barb, I have to tell you something.

- You ate the cake. - I ate the cake.

- How? When? I have so many questions!

- I was coming back from the bathroom.

It was sitting there.

I thought it was hallway cake.

- That's what you're going with--hallway cake?

- I don't know. I am new to politics.

- We can't have a scandal on your first day.

You'll go down as the worst president in history.

- Oh, you're right.

No one can ever know about this.

I won't wanna be known as Superpresident Cakebutt.

- Let's begin the ceremony. - HANK & BARB: Mm-hm.

- Mr. Thunderman... - Mm.

- ...please place your hand on the Hero League handbook.

Do you swear to serve the Hero League

with the utmost honesty and integrity?

- Of course. Why do you ask? What have you heard?

I do.

- Congratulations, Mr. Superpresident!

- CROWD: [applauding, cheering]

- Get to the cake, people!

- Oh, Hank...

[whispering] We have to do something.

- Oh, uh...

Let's skip the cake.

Uh, fun fact about your new president.

I am a health freak.

- Nonsense. [slaps hand]

It's tradition to take a tiny sliver

of the three-layered, buttercream--

Oh, my gosh, someone ate the whole cake!

What? Who?

Whatever monster did this is an enemy of the Hero League!

- Mr. President, will you launch an investigation

to catch the cake eater?

- Uh, yeah, of course I'm gonna do that.

That filthy criminal will pay for eating

that buttercream cake with the chocolate spirals

and delicate vanilla chiffon--

- They get it, Mr. President.

Neither of us will rest

until we find this unknown person

who no one knows the identity of.

- Dad ate the cake, right?

- Oh, totally. - Definitely.

- Max, I'd like to introduce you to

my new supe assistant, Cherry.

- Oh, Ms. Thunderman, you have a bestie

dance break scheduled in five minutes.

- Oh, um, let's move that to now.

- [lively dance music]

- CHERRY & PHOEBE: [laughing]

- Hey, Cherry, can you, uh,

pass a message along to your boss?

You're both dumb!

- It is so cool that President Dad

approved you working for me.

- Actually, before Dad left for work,

I borrowed his "approval" stamp.

We can get anything we want.

All we have to do is stamp it with this.

- Max, how could you--

not tell me that you had this?

[clears throat] Two milkshakes, please.

[voice quivering] It's almost too much power.

- Don't worry, Phoebs. We'll use it responsibly.

- [jet engines roaring]

- That's my million dollar rocket shark!

Ah!

[gasping]

I love you, rocket shark.

You're perfect!

- I knew he'd find a new girlfriend.

- I already like her more than Allison.

- Max, take me on a ride.

I wanna go somewhere exotic--

like the moon or Bruno Mars.

- No, way. I get to go, first!

- No, me, first! - [lasers zapping]

- BILLY: Okay, you first.

- Nora, you just lasered Billy.

- Yeah, it's my thing.

- Well, our thing is protecting the First Family--

even from each other.

From now on, you have to stay ten feet apart,

at all times.

- If this involves math,

you should probably talk to Nora.

- Billy, he's saying we can't play together.

- This is why I hate math!

- Whoa, Billy and Nora aren't allowed to play with each other?

- Well, maybe some time apart will be good for them.

- Hm, make them learn to be more independent?

- No, until Billy's laser burns can heal.

Anyway, I'm gonna take the rocket shark to Australia.

- Well, Cherry and I are gonna take

Dad's approval stamp for a spin.

Uh, assistant, do we have time

for a little shopping in Milan?

- I've already filled out the request form.

- You just put giant cherries on all your paperwork?

- It's gotten me this far.

- [engine revving]

- [rockets f*ring]

- Max's new girlfriend is very rude.

- Domo arigato, SuperAmbassador.

I'll see you at the summit, SuperSenator.

I look forward to high tea, SuperQueen of England.

- Hank, here's your presidential schedule.

- [groaning] It's gonna be a busy year.

- And that's just for this morning.

- I'm too busy dealing with the cake-eating investigation

that I've called for and also am the subject of.

- Sir, I have an update on the investigation,

and, frankly, I'm disappointed.

- Oh, no, this is it, Barb.

- All of our evidence points to it being...

a wild animal.

- [laughing] Really?

Why do you think that?

- Only a rabid beast could eat that cake so thoroughly.

- Oh.

- Where was a lot of hair and saliva and claw marks--

- Okay, okay, okay.

Thank you, uh, for the update.

- Oh... - Oh...

- That was close.

- I wanna celebrate, but I still wish we hadn't lied.

- Me, too, but we avoided a scandal

and no one will ever find out.

- [cell phone bings]

- Unless an unknown stranger

sends a video of you eating the cake.

- Oh, come on!

- "If you don't meet my demands,

I'll release this video to the press."

- [chomping, laughing, garbled speech]

- Did you get some in your ear?

- It was everywhere, Barb.

Everywhere.

- ♪

- Gidday, Thundermates.

- Oh, my gosh, you would not believe

what Cherry and I did in Milan.

- Shopping?

- Okay, yes.

Nora, what're you doin'?

- Just playing checkers by myself

because I'm not allowed to play with Billy.

[whispering] Watch this.

[clears throat]

- BILLY: [zooming]

- Oh, that's pretty brilliant.

- [zooming] Yeah.

They'll never catch us, if I don't stand here too long.

- They're playing together!

Code Red! Code Red!

- What are you guys putting on them?

- Necklaces that will zap them with electricity,

if they get within ten feet of each other.

The closer they get, the bigger the blast.

- Is this a joke?

- [electrical zapping] - NORA & BILLY: Ow!

- The joke hurts.

- This isn't fair.

- You know what isn't fair?

I still live with my mother.

- You can have our bedroom, Nora.

I'll sleep in the bathtub.

- Oh, this isn't good. - Yeah.

Now I've gotta walk all the way upstairs

to use the bathroom.

- What's wrong, Chloe?

- Mommy's too busy to do story time,

so, I'm stuck with this guy.

- "Then, Super Little Bear said,

'Somebody's been eating my porridge.'"

Okay, bears don't eat porridge,

and they certainly don't sleep in beds.

- He's killin' the magic!

- [groans] Max...

all this bad stuff is happening

because we made Dad president.

- True, but let's not ignore

all the good stuff that's also happening,

like I got the rocket shark,

and you're payin' Cherry to hang out with you.

- Hey, it's not a job, if you're doing what you love.

The point is our whole family's lives

are being destroyed because of us.

- I wouldn't say our whole family.

Dad loves being president.

- HANK: [muffled sobbing]

- Do you hear crying?

- HANK: [sobbing] I'm president...

[sobbing]

Oh, hello.

- Dad...

are you cryin' in my lair slide?

- Kids, being president's making me do things

I wouldn't normally do.

But I made the decision to be president,

so, here we are.

Close me up, children.

- No matter how far I go in that rocket shark,

I will never escape the memory

of that blubbering man-child.

- We have to fix our family.

- HANK: Why me?! [sobbing]

- Fast!

This all started because we made Kickbutt quit.

Maybe we can find her

and convince her to take her job back.

- Good idea. Let's go find Kickbutt.

- Sorry, kids, but Former President Kickbutt

doesn't want you to find her.

I am authorized to use Painful Force to stop you.

Painful Force, get in here!

- Hello, friends.

- You're the guy that's gonna stop people?

- Please, don't be afraid.

I know I'm very intimidating.

- There's no way you're gonna stop us

from getting Kickbutt.

- Yeah, so, get outta the way,

unless you want the kick of the butt

to be your butt gettin' kicked...

by us.

- Phoebe, freeze breath!

- PHOEBE & MAX: Ow!

- If you try to use your powers against me,

you'll feel a painful force.

So, you guys will stay?

- Yeah, sure.

After I use my heat breath!

Ow!

- Heh, heh, what he's trying to say is...

we'll stay.

- ♪

- All right, so, in order to find Kickbutt,

and save our family,

we have to get past this Painful Force person.

Any ideas?

- We may not be able to use our powers,

but we can use these bad boys.

[chuckling]

- Oh, yeah, we'll knock him out with your stinky pits.

- Does anyone know if I can wear

this shock necklace in the bathtub?

- That's it!

We're gonna give this guy the shock of his life.

- Hi, Painful Force, I see you do Sudoku puzzles.

- I like to tease the brain.

- Billy, go!

- BILLY: [zooming]

- [electrical zapping]

- [heavy thud]

- BILLY & NORA: [weakly] We did it.

- Are you guys okay?

- BILLY & NORA: [weakly] We did it.

- They're good! To the rocket shark!

- Hank, come on out.

I know you're in your cry spot.

- [sniffles] I'm not crying.

I just got some slide dust in my eye.

- I just got another text.

The person who has the video of you eating the cake

said to meet him in the lair.

- It could be anybody, Barb.

- Like Colosso?

- Nah, he's not smart enough to pull this off.

- I'm the blackmailer, you jerks!

- What do you want, rabbit?

- To be the Hero League's Secretary of Fashion.

I wanna outlaw dad khakis and yoga pants.

- But that's everything we wear!

- Do as I say, or the world gets to see

you stuff your face with history.

- I am not making you Secretary of Fashion,

even if it means I tarnish the Thunderman name,

and get kicked out of office in disgrace!

Oh, I can't do it, Barb!

- Just give him what he wants! We're in too deep!

- HANK: [sobbing] - COLOSSO: [evil laugh]

- [easy listening music playing]

- Okay, the rocket shark ran a global search

and said that Kickbutt's here.

- What is this place?

- Welcome to Kickbutt Travel,

where your happiness is--oh.

You found me.

- Uh, can we chat?

- I don't have time for this.

I run a travel business now for non-flying supes.

- Hi, here's my ticket to Aruba.

- Ah, the Astonishing Beach Bum.

It looks like you're about to depart.

Thanks for flying the Kickbutt skies.

[kicks butt] - Yaho-o-o-o-o!

- Whoa! - Cool!

- Uh, how do people get home?

- Well, that's their problem.

- Kickbutt, we need to talk to you.

- Please, please, please be president again.

- Oh, first you tell me I'm not doing my job.

Now you're begging me to go back to it?

- We're sorry.

You were a really great president,

and we never should have wasted your time

calling you every day.

- Yeah, we realize we were just being selfish,

and if you would just come back as president,

we promise to stop calling you.

- Except to see how things are going with Colosso.

- So...

what do you say?

- Look, the Northern Lights!

- It sounded like you said--

Ahhhhh!

- Ah, you don't need to kick my butt home.

I've got the rocket shark.

- You got the rocket shark?

[roars] - Ahhhh!

- Ahhhhh!

Oh!

- Ahhhh!

- [heavy thud]

- BOTH: [grunting]

- Well, that flight was terrible.

- What's going on? - Better hurry in and find out.

- BOTH: Ow! Ooh!

- [mixed conversations]

- PHOEBE: Whew.

- Uh, who are all these goobers in our living room?

- Yeah, what's going on?

- Mom and Dad are having a press conference.

- Hey, Hank, Barb,

I'm real excited about being the Secretary of Fashion.

But I also want something bigger.

- Like what?

- The Statue of Colosso.

- What does that statue have to do with

you being Secretary of Fashion?

- Nothing. I just want it.

And if I don't get it,

I'll release that video, President CakeButt.

- Are you ever gonna stop making demands?

- Are you ever gonna stop

stuffing random cakes in your mouth?

I'll answer both.

No!

- Can I have your attention.

I came here to make a special announcement

regarding Dr. Colosso.

- ♪ Here it comes

- Instead, I am going to say that

I am the one who ate the cake.

- COLOSSO: Huh?

- CROWD: [mixed conversations]

- Is this seriously a shock to people?

- I'm sorry, everyone. I know I let you down.

But being president is really, really hard.

- I could have told you that!

- Kickbutt's back!

- Our eloquent plea touched your heart.

- Not even close.

The Liaison told me Hank was crying like a big baby--

on a slide.

His words, not mine.

- I said it and I own it.

- I knew I had to come back to be president--

that is, if Hank is willing to step down.

- Yes! I step down!

Oh, it's over, honey.

- It's over, baby.

- Billy, we can hang out with each other again.

- How about we go play our favorite game?

- Sure. [lasers zapping]

- Ow! I meant checkers.

- And now we'll reinstate President Kickbutt

with the traditional reinstatement cake.

Oh, my gosh! Somebody ate this cake, too!

- It wasn't me.

- [whooshing] It wasn't me either, baby!

- ♪

- ♪
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