01x17 - Monsty

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

- Eh, meat just tastes better when it's cooked over

an open fire fueled by crude oil.

- Smells a lot worse. - Of course it does.

What you're smelling is the bad flavor leaving the meat.

- You're so wise, Ray.

- Another fun fact: oil is dinosaur blood...

- That's wrong, Ray. - No it's not.

- And coal? Why, that's just dinosaur poop.

- WHERE'S MY MEAT?!

- Is this your meat?

- YES DID YOU ALL TAKE IT?!

- You know the rule: You leave it I eat it.

- Finders, eaters. - Losers starvers.

MIKA: I gotta get more meat where am I gonna get more meat all the meat stores.

Where's the nearest meat store does anyone know?

- Oh. No.

- What do you mean, "Oh, no?"

- She did something wrong.

- Who, Mika? - Something bad.

- Are those my pants?

- Can't talk gotta rob a meat store, byyyeeeeee...

- Oh, whoa whoa whoa! Why are you wearing my clothes?!

- Why are there bags on your feet?

- Yah, why are you acting so crazies?

- I did a bad thing.

- I told you!

- It's Mika, how bad could it be?

- You don't understand.

My sister almost never makes a mistake.

But when she does...

It's bad.

[ thunder ]

- I did a bad thing...

MIKA: Okay... you know how I've never, ever won

Man's Nest Employee of the Month?

Like not once? EVER?!

RAY: We don't have a Man's Nest Employee of the Month.

- I know! But if I were a good enough employee,

you'd make the award. And I'd win it.

Every month. Just like I do at my dentist's office.

CHAPA: You go to your dentist's office once a month?

- I've won Flosser of the Month thirty-three times in a row

and I don't want to break the streak!

- Thirty-three months?

That's like a hundred years. - Buddy.

- So remember a couple weeks ago when Ray got that summons

to go to jury duty?

- Alright, great month everybody!

Another thirty days in the books.

Hey I want you to know you're all equally great employees.

Oooooh, except for Mika who just broke a glass.

[ laughter ]

- I'm just kidding.

- I'll clean it up. And maybe clean up some other stuff, too.

Just to be... you know, equally great.

- I'd help but I wanna bounce

before Ray randomly gets mad about something.

- AHHH DANGIT!!! - See ya!

- I just got selected for jury duty in two weeks.

- In two weeks?! But that's when you're supposed to be here

co-hosting the Swellview Telethon for Children

of Unchill Parents Who Only Let Their Kids Eat

One Piece of Halloween Candy A Day!

- You mean STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD?

- The same! - Errr!

- And you'll be joined by Swellview's

beloved T.V. personality Danny Chest.

- We love you Danny Chest.

What? That's a thing people from Swellview do.

Whenever anybody says beloved T.V. personality Danny Chest,

someone else has to say...

- We love you Danny Chest! Huh, he's right.

Anyway, why are we raising money for STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD now

instead of in October.

- Because unchill parents are a year-round problem.

- And the struggle for candy equality

doesn't take a month off, Mika.

- I'm so sorry.

- So the real question is, how is Captain Man supposed to host

the STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD in the Man's Nest

if Ray Manchester is stuck in jury duty the whole time?

- What's a "jury duty?"

- Eh when you turn eighteen like I did a few years ago...

- [ snickers ] Yeah. Aye.

- Sometimes you get picked to go to court for like a week,

and watch a trial,

and decide whether somebody's guilty or not...

which anybody with long hair always is.

- Facts. - How dare you?

- Change my mind. You won't.

- Okay, can I just say... - I'll change your mind?

I'll change your mind. I am not guilty.

MIKA: So then I got an idea. I'd win Man's Nest

Employee of the Month by making a clone of Ray

so he wouldn't have to go to jury duty.

I mean, jury duty is important, and I believe in

fulfilling your obligations as a citizen...

- Do your part. - Do your part.

- Yeah, you should do your part, you should do your part...

- But Ray would make a terrible juror.

- Ohhhh! - That is a fact.

- Really bad. - You should not do your part.

- I'd make a great juror! - You'd be terrible.

- I am better than everyone at everything!

- Debatable.

You have a lot of biases against a lot of people.

- What are you talking about?!

Any guy with a man bun is guilty.

Show me a left-handed person that doesn't cheat on their taxes.

I'll wait.

I'm waiting.

Never trust a person with two first names.

Sam Martin. Andrew Thomas.

Mike KAREN.

Tom Brady, Jake Paul, Andrew Jackson--

Huh? The only exception to this rule is Jennifer Lawrence.

Who by the way once checked me out at the close Nacho Ball.

- What was Jennifer Lawrence doing at the close Nacho Ball?

- Checkin' me out.

- I don't think so. - Stop that.

- You weren't there!

- Hey, oh wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Mika,

did you say you're going to clone Ray?

- Yes! I was going to use Schwoz's cloning machine.

- Wait what? - To make a clone of Ray

and give it to him as a gift. It would solve

all our problems at once --

Ray gets out of jury duty, Captain Man can co-host

the STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD with us,

and Swellview's beloved T.V. host Danny Chest.

[ Bose and Miles in unison ] - We love you Danny Chest!

- And I win the first ever Man's Nest

Employee of the Month Award,

and the defendant actually gets a fair trial.

- Whoa whoa whoa wait a minute, don't you need

some of my DNA to clone me? Where did you get that?

- You know how you've been eating

a lot of BBQ short ribs lately?

- I do.

So I says to the guy, I says to him

"Hey, why don't you keep your'napkins pal.'

I got God's napkin right here. It's called m'tongue."

A guy with man buns, there's no way

I was gonna trust his napkins.

No tellin' where his napkins have been.

- Wait. You didn't just put the short ribs

into the cloning machine, did you?

- What does that mean?

- Well, if you start with short ribs,

that means you'll end with...

[ thunder ]

- Short Ray.

- Ahh!

[ Tiny Ray screams ]

[ high-pitched ] - What did you do to me?

[ Mika screams ]

[ speaking gibberish ]

- And I'm Tiny Ray... I'll tell you what.

Down the tube.

- You blew up my cloning machine?!

- Tiny Ray blasted it!

- Wait is there a Tiny Ray somewhere around here

shouting gibberish and zapping things?

- There's actually an Old Ray somewhere around here

doing the same thing, but that's a different story

for a different week.

- Okay but what are we doing this week?

Finding Tiny Ray? - Why not?

- Because ya' didn't give up, did ya', sis?

Did ya'?!

- I did a bad thing.

MIKA: I took some books from the restricted section

of the Man's Nest Dungeon Library...

I "borrowed" some of Schwoz's antique lab equipment...

and after Ray ate some full-sized ribs one day,

I took some DNA and started to clone Ray

the old fashioned way... the scary way...

[ Herman groans ]

- Mika, no more doing homework go to bed.

- Okay love you, daddy.

- Love you, too...

[ thunder ]

- Annd this is where the story starts to get weird...

- Starts to?

[ growls ]

- Mamaaaaaa...

- I named him Monsty.

He's a good boy.

- It all just kinda happened.

[ kids all talking at once ]

- Stop talking!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!

[ kids in unison ] - Emergency!

- That's just the doorbell. - I know.

[ music ]

- Go get it Captain Monsty!

[ groans ]

- Okay I want the phone banks over there.

- Very good, sir. And where should I put the thrones

for the Swellview Telethon for Children of Unchill Parents

Who Only Let Their Kids Eat One Piece of Halloween Candy A Day?

- Okay, first of all, call it STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD

like a normal person. And they should--

Okay why is Monsty wearing my old Captain Man suit.

- Because he's your clone and he loves it.

- I'm okay.

- You listen to me, Monsty.

- Feels good.

- That wasn't even my thing-- aw my socks what is this?

- Looks like pee, sir. Monsty's if I'm not mistaken.

- I know it's Monsty's! He's been doing his business

all over the Man's Nest for days now!

- Stop, Ray, you're scaring him.

- And I don't care how good it smells, it's still pee!

- Well maybe you shouldn't walk around in socks.

- I wouldn't need to walk around in my socks

if this beast here hadn't chewed up m'Stonkenbirks!

- Want me to order you another pair, Sir?

Size eight and a half?

- Eight and a half? Are your feet really that small?

- Hey! My eyes are up here!

- Yeah, but your feet are in Monsty's pee bucket.

- That thing has got to go. - No, please--

- No we are hosting a telethon in here tomorrow okay.

I can't have Monsty wazzing all over the Man's Nest

while Danny Chest and I are trying to sing the Thon Song.

- I thought Danny Chest only sings the Thon Song by himself.

- Oh ho ho, we'll see about that!

- Ray, just listen. - No! I'm putting my foot down.

[ Monsty groans ]

- I want him gone by the end of the day. Okay?

- Where am I supposed to take him?

He can't live at my house. - Drive him out to the desert,

open the door and push him out.

- I'll gas up the truck. - No!

- Why don't we have Miles teleport him out to Cavetown?

- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah! Where all those Cavemen moved

when Drex brought them back from the past.

- Exactlies! - That's settled then.

Have Miles teleport Monsty to Cavetown.

Same way he teleported Chest Monster to Barstow.

- I don't want Monsty to leave.

- He'll be very happy living among cavemen.

- Ugh. - Great idea, Schwoz.

Hey I just might make you employee of the month.

- Hey-ayyye! - Uhhhh!

- Sir, they're out of the eight-and-a-halfs.

Should I get the nin-- - Just... order the eights.

[ music ]

♪ So pick up Yeah pick up ♪

♪ You fools Pick up your stupid phones ♪

♪ And call the number on the bottom of your screen. ♪

♪ Ya gotta call ya gotta call 'Cause these kids ♪

♪ These kids Can only eat ♪

♪ They can only eat... One candy a day on Halloween. ♪

♪ Eeeeoooooowww

♪ You gotta think of the kidsah! ♪

- Thank you.

And thank you Captain Man for deciding to join me

halfway through my song.

- You're welcome Danny Chest.

- We love you Danny Chest!

- Thank you. And now!

Let's check the telethon totals!

When I started singing, we had one-hundred dollars in pledges,

and now we have...

one-hundred dollars in pledges.

- Come on people! For the price of one candy bar a day

you could feed one of these children.

One candy bar a day.

- We're not raising enough money.

- I can sing a song. - Oh! Me too!

- No! Sit down!

- Geez! - Pretty "unchill," Danny-boy.

- I was afraid of this.

- Afraid of what? That I'd sing better than you?

- No. - Well I did so...

- The last few years STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD

has raised less and less money for Children of Unchill Parents

Who Only Let Their Kids Eat One Piece of Halloween Candy A Day.

So this year, I've decided to do something a little different.

- Ohh! Dancing!

- I can dance! - Me too!

- I don't like to, but I will.

- Danny Chest, I feel like something's going on with you.

- I'll tell ya what's going on!

If this telethon doesn't raise fifty thousand dollars

in the next hour, I'm going to launch Captain Man

and Danger Force right through the roof of the Man's Nest

and down the side of Mount Swellview.

- Ah. Ohh!

You're about to turn into a bad guy.

- Ah, surprise villain. Classic.

- I don't know guys. Gettin' launched sounds kinda fun.

- No one's launching me--

- Hey!

- Are you going to donate more money this year?

Or am I going to have to launch them off a mountain?

- Ah I see. Evil chairs. Classic.

- It's your choice Swellview.

See ya after this commercial break.

- Ah I see. Now we're gonna cut to commercial.

Classic.

- Thank you so much for your donation, Jen.

You are a gift to the world.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Jennifer Lawrence just donated ten thousand dollars

to STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD.

Put it on the board!

- You were on the phone with Jennifer Lawrence

and you didn't let me confirm

that she once checked me out at the Close Nacho Ball?

- That didn't happen dude.

- You weren't there.

Now I hate you, Danny Chest!

[ AWOL and Brainstorm in unison ] - We love you Danny Chest.

- No we don't. - He tied us up,

he's threatening to launch us off a mountain

and only now you hate him?! - Yeah, I'm indestructible.

Gettin' launched off a mountain is only gonna hurt for a second.

Missing out on confirming my Jennifer Lawrence story.

That's gonna hurt me for a lifetime!

- Okay that's enough.

- No no that's Monsty's pee bucket!

- Ohhhh.

[ phone rings ]

- Is he okay?

- I think he fainted from being grossed out.

- Is that even a real thing? - Yes.

- Hey. Why don't you super-scream this guy

through that wall? - Ooo good idea.

- Hey! I scream, you scream, we'll all scream when I--

Oh c'mon!

- Why didn't you just scream when you had the chance?!

- Captain Man wants us to say cool stuff

right before we use our powers! - You should've just screamed.

- I'm trying to win employee of the month!

Does no one even remember that?! - No.

- Ya know, when I was a kid...

my parents were very... un-chill about Halloween candy.

So this issue, is personal for me.

That's why I'm willing to sacrifice other people for it.

Growing up in a household with unchill parents...

- Well this is just great.

Me and AWOL's hands are pinned down so we can't use our powers.

- Wait, how is that great?

- Brainstorm, honey, you're kind of our only hope here

so momma's gonna need you to levitate something heavy

and drop it on Danny Chest's head.

- On it.

- Don't lift the pillow.

- It's surprisingly heavy.

- Lift the anvil.

It weighs like five-thousand pounds.

- Yes lift the anvil and drop it on Danny Chest's head!

- Okay. But you guys all owe me fresh underwear after this.

- Years of intense therapy have helped a little...

[ grunts ]

- This might take a while. New plan.

You need to let Monsty know that we're in trouble.

- How's Monsty supposed to help us,

you teleported him to Cavetown, remember?!

- Yeahhhh, what if I didn't though?

- Ray wants you to teleport Monsty to Cavetown.

- Okay. - Bye.

- I'm gonna miss you, Monsty.

♪ You're here,

♪ there's nothing I fear

♪ And I know that my heart will go on ♪

- I can't do it!

[ all are crying ]

♪ We'll stay forever this way

- I couldn't do it.

- Uff. Did I faint because I was grossed out?

That's a real thing, y'know.

- AWOL, where is Monsty?!

- I couldn't take him to Cavetown

so I put him in the Man's Nest Dungeon.

- You did what?!

- Yeah, he's down there with Chest Monster right now.

- You didn't get rid of Chest Monster either?

- I just couldn't do Chest Monster like that.

- Hey, Ray wants you to teleport Chest Monster to Barstow.

CHEST MONSTER: Aw why you gotta do Chest Monster like that?

- I'm gonna miss you Chest Monster.

♪ You're here,

♪ there's nothing I fear

♪ And I know that my heart will go on ♪

- I can't do it! I just can't do it!

[ AWOL and Chest Monster cry ]

- So you lied to me both times?

- Got him!

- You were supposed to drop the anvil on Danny boy.

- That would make more sense.

And you owe me new underwear.

- Listen! If ShoutOut can scream that we need help,

maybe Monsty will come upstairs and save us!

- [ clears throat ] From the depths of my soul

to the depths of the Man's Nest, may my voice carry a message--

- Just scream girl!!!

- Do not interrupt Swellview's beloved

T.V. personality Danny Chest.

[ AWOL and Brainstorm in unison ] - We love you Danny Chest!

CHEST MONSTER: Hey do you guys like Shawn Mendes?

I'm kind of on the fence about him.

[ Monsty and Tiny Ray speak gibberish ]

CHEST MONSTER: Then the fence is where I shall remain.

[ SUPER-SCREAMS ] - HELP ME MONSTYYYYYY!!!

- Momma!

CHEST MONSTER: Hey, Tiny Ray, what do you think about Camila Cabello.

[ speaks gibberish ]

CHEST MONSTER: Yeah, I mean, besides the good looks

and talent and generous spirit

I don't know what she sees in that Shawn guy.

- I don't know who Monty is, but he's not coming to save you.

- His name is Monsty! And you're wrong!

He's coming through that door right... now!

- Awwww, that's... Dangit.

- You mean this door?!

Monty's coming to save you by breaking down this doo-

- It's Monty!

- His name is Monsty, dude.

You've been here the whole time.

- [ grunts ] Monsty missed you.

- Yeah yeah yeah, I missed you too but I need you to fetch me

the remote so we can release ourselves from these chairs.

It's over there by the guy you just crushed.

- Good boy Monsty.

- Monsty see it!

- Nooo! - Bad Monsty!

- He's right. He's right behind you.

- Turn around. - Surprisingly heavy.

- Told you!

- Gah!

- Noooooo! My sweet boy!

- I've bested your monster!

- You're the monster, Danny Chest!

[ AWOL and Brainstorm in unison ] - We love you Danny Chest!

- And now for the grand finale!

To launch the rest of you losers!

- You've already got enough donations

for the STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD

you don't need to launch us anymore.

- I know. But now I kinda' wanna see

if these chairs actually work.

- Volt, is there any way you can zap Monsty?

- Yeah, but he's knocked out, isn't that kinda' mean?

- No, because-- - I mean I'll still do it tho--

- I brought him to life with electricity,

maybe electricity can wake him up!

- Worth a sh*t. I'm not gonna do that thing you do

where you say some long, cool line before I do it either.

I'm just gonna zap him. Y'see, I use my superpower,

for the real superheroes, the people that go to work

every day, gettin' the job done...

- Just zap him!

[ groans ]

- And now simply to press the launch button.

- Gahhhhh!!

- Yay! You did it!

Great job buddy now all ya gotta do

is grab that remote and free us.

Over there, go get it.

Go get it. Come on.

- Monsty got it.

- Press the button. - Press the button bud.

[ beeping ]

CAPTAIN MAN: Ahhhhhhh!!

- Ruh roh.

- It's the, uh... It's the other button.

[ music ]

- And now it gives me great pleasure, to present

this Employee of the Month award to someone

who has exhibited great courage and sacrifice...

CAPTAIN MAN: Mika... Can you get out of the way, please?

- Monsty, because of your heroics today

at STFCOUP-WOLT-KEO-POH-CAD

you are the Man's Nest Employee of the Month.

- You must be so mad.

- No. I'm proud. - Dangit.

[ Chewbacca-like roar ]

- Yay! I'm so proud of you. - Good job.

Great work. - I'm so proud of you.

- When all this is over,

get him a one-way bus ticket to Bordertown.

- You got it, sir.

Aw snap dude.

I totally forgot to tell that you had jury duty today.

- Oh. Don't worry, I took care of it.

JUDGE: Juror number nine, please state your name.

- [ sighs ] I am Ray Manchester.

JUDGE: Good enough for me -- you're on this jury!

[ whispers ]

[ music ]

♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪

♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪

♪ I'm okay

♪ I'm okaaaay!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!