01x19 - Radioactive Cat

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

- What is a door?

[ AWOL, Volt, and Brainstorm groan ]

- Oh -- I know! I know exactly what a door is!

- Okay relax, Hermione.

- Ha! - Ha!

- Not an insult.

- Yeah okay, Hermione.

- Smartest, hardest-working student at Hogwarts.

I'll take it every time.

- Yeah, I bet you will, HERMION--

- Can we please get back to you pretending

we don't know what doors are?

- Yes! Ten points to AWOL.

- Woo! - What?

- I'm kicking this door. - No no no no no!

[ Danger Force groans ]

- Just let us kick 'em!

- Kicking open a door is one of the most important

and, dare I say, sacred things that a superhero can do.

- I thought saving people

was the most important thing we can do.

- Oh yeah? How are you gonna save those people,

if you can't even get through a door?

- I'd just walk around.

- No no, Bose? Bose?

What if there's a wall where you just walked?

- Then I'd walk around the other side.

Is-- is he always this dumb?

- I'm kicking a door!

- What are you doing?

- Mmmmmmmmmnothinnnnnng...

- I don't believe you. - Back to the lesson!

The first step to kicking open a door

is to acknowledge the door and thank it for its service.

Door. I greet you as an equal.

And yet, I must kick you.

- You seriously do that every time you kick open a door?

- Every time.

- We've seen you kick in

about ten different doors without doing this.

- Yeah, you usually just yell, "Ding-dong! Special delivery

for a buncha gunches -- my foot!"

- Yeah that's exactly how it goes.

- Yeah, well before I yell that I always offer a silent prayer

for the repose of the soul of the door I'm about to kick.

- You don't, though. Never have.

- He never will. Not at all.

- Amen. Ding-dong, ya buncha gunches!

- Dude! That was supposed to be my door!

- Yeah...

- Fine, I'm taking AWOL's...

- Uh No! You will not be kicking my door today.

- Move. I'm kickin' this door. - No you will not

I will teleport you to the Bhutt Factory!

- Ho-kaaaay! Who wants vitamins?

Special Schwoz Schwatz Vitamins all of you do so there you go

eat the vitamins don't ask questions

just shut up and eat them right now.

- Okay... - Whoa, whoa, whoa...

- These don't look like vitamins.

- Whatever, Hermione, just eat it.

- Ha ha ha ha Yeaaaaaah!

- Ugh. These vitamins are gross, Schwoz.

- That's because they're not vitamins, they're iodine pills.

- So? - So why are you trying

to get us to take iodine pills?

- No reason...

- You're supposed to take iodine if you've been exposed

to a dangerous amount of radiation.

- Oh, really?

- Yes! Really!

- Schwoz, have we all been exposed

to a dangerous amount of radiation?

- Byeeeeee!

[ music ]

- That was concerning.

- Pfft. Maybe for you. I'm indestructible.

- Then why are you taking iodine from everyone, Ray?

- Ding-dong! Daddy's home!

- Dude!

That was my door!

- Yeah.

- Can we get back to our possible-slash-likely exposure

to a dangerous level of radiation?

- It's fine... - Dude!

- Stop taking everyone's iodine, Ray!

- If you could all just line up for me

so I can get a quick reading...

- Okay what is going on, Schwoz?

- I'll tell you what's going on -- my foot.

On a door!

- There's no way you said a prayer that time.

- I pray fast. God's busy.

- Schwoz, why are you wearing that suit?

- Ho-kaay... I'm going to tell you something,

but I don't want everyone to be angries at me.

- We're already angries at you.

- See that's exactly what I don't want.

[ school alarm goes off ]

SCHOOL ROOM VOICE: Stranger approaching.

School mode activated.

[ school alarm continues ]

- Ding-dong! - Yeah!

- Mom? - Mom?

- Yes, I'm Bose's Mommy.

- Well ding-dong indeed.

Come on in, we're just poppin' vitamins in here.

I'm Ray. I'm in charge.

- What are you doing here, Mom?

- Oh, you left your bag at home, Bo-bo.

So I brought it to you.

- I think that's yours. - Yay! I love this bag!

I was soooo jealous when I thought it was yours.

- Okay a lot of things suddenly make sense to me now.

- Facts.

- Okay now that you've got the whole bag mystery cleared up

maybe you should go and let us get back to class.

- Rude. - Okay, Hermione.

- Not an insult!

[ sighs ]

- Well hello there gorgeous...

- and I was in my lab just, you know, doing some jazz science.

- Jazz science?

- Yeah, just science-ing without a plan.

Letting the chemicals lead me where I want to go.

- That's astoundingly irresponsible.

- I was doing a little bit of this, a little bit of that,

then my jazz got real funky so I opened a window...

Scat-bop-biddely-dat, in comes a kitty cat.

Scat-bop-biddely-ation, cat gets filled with radiation.

- You filled a cat with radiation?!

- That's jazz, baby...

- So in your lab, right now, there's a radioactive cat.

- That cat is long gone, daddy-oh.

- You're so pretty. Yes you are.

You're so pretty.

- Wait -- what does "radioactive" even mean?

- It means that I have to find the cat and give it a cure

before it spreads radiation to anyone else.

- We gotta find this cat.

- Yes! But if you see the cat

do not do any of the following things:

Do not approach the cat...

- I'm coming to getcha! Hi!

- Do not snuggle the cat...

- You are so snuggly! Yes you are!

You are so snuggly!

- And do not give the cat a name.

- I think I'll name you Meatball.

- Why can't we give the cat a name?

- Yeah, what's wrong with that?

- Because that's the first step!

You give the cat a name and then next thing you know

you're doing something really dangerous

like laying on the ground, letting the cat

drink spicy milk out of your mouth.

- No one would ever do that...

- We've got four hours to find that cat and bring it back here

so I can give it the antidote.

- What happens after four hours? - Ehhhhh I'd rather not say.

And you'd rather not know.

- Hey, let's pop some iodine pills, split up,

and find this cat before some rando does and brings it home.

- I am taking you home.

- It all just kinda happened.

[ kids all talking at once ]

- Stop talking!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!

[ kids in unison ] - Emergency!

- That's just the doorbell. - I know.

[ music ]

- ...yeah yeah, I miss you too, babies.

- Miles... Miles!

- I'm on the phone with the Fudge Girls.

- Oh you mean those girls you teleported to prison last month?

GIRLS ON PHONE: AWOL? AWOL?

- The same. I'm on the phone with all four of 'em.

And they only get fifteen minutes a week for phone ca--

[ gags ]

What is that smell?

- It's my Mahi-Mahi Muumuu.

- What?! - It's a shirt made of fish.

I was hoping the smell of raw seafood

would attract my radioactive cat.

- Did it work?

- No, but I ran into a bunch of other cats

that scratchied my hands. And my arms.

And you can't see it, but they also scratchied my--

- I don't wanna know!

Now I'm on the phone with my girls, so...

- At least I'm trying to find the cat!

Hey we only have two hours left and you're makin' kissies

through the phone! - I'm tryin' to make kissies

through the phone, but somebody keeps stinkin' up my vibe!

ANGRY PRISON VOICE: Your call with

COMPUTER VOICE: "The Fudge Girls"

ANGRY PRISON VOICE: has ended.

- Now I need to do yoga.

Where are my yoga pants?!

- Okay are any of these the radioactive cat?

- Mmmmm... no. No and no.

- Dangit! Get outta here.

- Y'know, it would have been easier if you sent us

a picture of the cat we're supposed to be looking for.

- I didn't know I was going to lose it,

so I didn't bother taking a picture.

- It would also be a lot easier if you would get off your butt

and help us look for it! SCHWOZ: Yes.

- Uh first of all I was talkin' to all four of The Fudge Girls

and you know I do my best talkin' when I'm sittin'.

[ tube alert ]

- We're back! - We got cats.

[ cats meow ]

- Not the cat... not the cat...

[ music ]

Noooooo... - Surprised all those cats

aren't chasing your fish suit, Schwoz.

[ cats meow loudly ]

- Aiiiiiiieeeee!

- Well I like seeing Schwoz get hurt,

but other than that this was a giant waste of time...

- Speaking of time, I gotta cruise.

My mom has been texting me all day to pick up some cat food.

I guess she found a cat outside our school

and decided to take it home.

[ Bose texts ]

You guys!

Do you think my mom's new cat

knows the cat we're looking for?!

- I don't know. We could ask it.

- Great idea! Does anyone speak cat?!

- Dangit, Bose!

Your hot mom obviously took the cat home with her.

Now I'm gonna have to do a hundred push-ups,

and downsize my shirt, and go on over there.

- And bring back the cat so Schwoz can give it the antidote.

- Yeah yeah that too.

- Hold on, we don't even know if it's the right cat.

- Your mom send you a pic? - Oh I don't need one!

I saw her earlier! Approved!

- I meant a picture of the cat.

- Oh yeah good idea... - I think so...

- Schwoz!!! - Found it!

- Yes?

- Is this the cat? - Yes!

- Great! - Not great!

- Why not? - Yeah, why not?

- Yeah, why not? - Yeah, why--

- Because Bose's mom has probably been snuzzling

and naming and petting and lovin' up on

a radioactive cat all day long!

- She does love cats. She's a cat lady.

- Good to know what she loves.

Ooo. I wanna write this stuff down.

- Ray. Bose's mom is married.

To the Vice Mayor. - Yeah!

And he's out of town!

- Not helping. - Perfect!

Schwoz go get my smallest, most alluring t*nk top.

- Hey man -- can you give us the antidote for that cat first?

- [ gasps ] I knew I forgot something.

- You haven't even made the antidote yet?

- I was busy making my Mahi-Mahi Muumuu!

- Your what?

- I have to go make the antidote...

- Bose, let's just teleport over there

and get that cat away from your mom.

- Wait wait wait. Wait for me!

I just need twelve minutes to get my abs into mom form.

- Can you do it in two?

- I've got a six pack in here. Okay.

It takes a full two minutes each to wake up

Khloe, Kim, Kendall, Kylie, Kourtney, and Kanye.

- Just go. - No no no no...

- Take these for when you grab the cat.

- Copy that.

- Wait. Wait for me! Wait for me!

NOOOOOOO! Dang it!

I gotta wake up the Hard-Ab-Shians!...

Come on Kourtney.

[ music ]

- Man, pretty lucky that you accidentally teleported us

to that ice cream place before we got here.

- Yeah, yeah that was definitely an accident.

- And then to that store where you had to return that shirt!

What a coincidence! - Total coincidence.

Quick question for you, though.

- I am bad at answers, but continue.

- Why can't we go to the front door?

- Ah. This is the side entrance.

Good for sneaking in and out.

I don't even think my mom knows about it--

Mom! - What are you doing?

- Hi! What are you doing?

- Well I was giving Meatball a tour of the house,

when I heard voices from behind this weird wall

with the doorknob on it.

I turned the knob and here you are.

Who were you talking to?

- Myself.

- Oh, did you bring the cat food?

- Thank you, honey.

- Uh, yeah, anyway... gonna need that cat, mom.

- Why? - Well first of all,

it's not yours-- - Finders keepers -- next.

- Third of all, it's radioactive.

- No it's not -- next. - Yes it is!

Why do you think I have these space gloves?

- Maybe you were shaking hands with aliens?

- I wish.

- Fifth of all, your step-father's out of town,

I have no joy in my life,

Meatball's already moved into your room,

and I'm never giving him up -- ever.

- He moved in my room?

- Yes, you can go stay in the guest house from now on.

- I get my own house?! - Yes!

- I love you, Mom. - Oh, I love you too, Bose.

You enjoy your house.

- Dude.

- Did you hear?! I get my own house!

- Yeah, but what about the cat?

We needed to get the cat.

- House.

[ Bose whistles happily ]

- Something wrong with these people...

[ music ]

I mean, she just gave him a house.

Just gave it to him like it was some kind of punishment.

What does she do if he leaves dishes in the sink?

Send him to the Bahamas?

- Oh, I didn't know this wall had a doorbell...

- Hiiii, Mrs. O'Brien!

- Oh, it's Mrs. O'Brien-Willard.

I'm the Vice Mayor's trophy wife.

- Uh, we go to school with your son,

and we're just looking for our lost cat and--

[ gasps ] Why, brother! Gasp!

Gaze upon our cat! Who was heretofore lost!

- I don't understand any of those words.

- That's our cat. We lost it.

Can we have it back? - Oh, this isn't your cat.

- It is, though.

- No, I've had this cat for twenty years. To the day.

- Mmm. Have you? - Yes.

Now if you'll excuse us, I'd like to celebrate our cat-iversary together.

- Bose told us that you found that cat today.

- Lies like that are exactly why my son is now living in

a luxurious guest house!

- Lady, just give us our cat back please.

- If this is your cat, what's it's name?

- Uhhhh, snow... - Mmmm, pudding...

[ in unison ] - Snow Pudding.

- That's right. Come on, Snow Pudding.

Come on, girl... - Boy.

- Boy. - His name is Meatball

and I will never give him up! Goodbye!

- Something wrong with these people...

- Right?!

[ music ]

[ doorbell rings ]

- Ehh, Schwoz just texted me.

Will you type "Shut up Schwoz" and hit send?

- He says that if the cat is glowing, it's a real bad sign.

- And I says, "Shut up, Schwoz."

- So I guess if the cat's glowing

then we just grab it and run?

- Yeah yeah for sure for sure.

- You remember why we're here, right?

- I'm here to flirt with Bose's mom.

No idea what you're doing.

- Getting the radioactive cat!

- Just don't blow it for me.

- Oh my gah.

- Can I help you?

- Hey you got a towel? 'Cuz I'm all sweaty.

From my job. Saving animals.

And working with my callused hands. So...

- Uh, I... think I have towel.

- We're actually looking for a cat.

It looks like this. It's got rabies.

And it's poisonous. - Haven't seen it.

- You're holding it. - You're fired.

- What?!

- My husband is the Vice Mayor.

He's out of town-- - Oh is he?

- But I'm calling him right now and he'll have you fired

if he finds out you're trying to take my cat away from me.

- Well we're gonna need that cat, lady.

VICE MAYOR WILLARD: Whaaaaaaat?!

- Vice-y, dear. There are two city workers here

and they're trying to take away my cat. I need you to fire them.

VICE MAYOR WILLARD: Are they listening?

- Yes. VICE MAYOR WILLARD: You're fired.

- Uh sir, how long are you gonna be

out of town for exactly?

You see how she was flirting with me?

- Not even a little bit.

- Yeah, she probably can't date a city employee,

that's why she had me fired.

[ chuckles ]

Let the games begin...

[ cat meows ]

- I will never let them take you, sweetie...

Aww, you're glowing! With love!

Bose never glows for me.

Awww.

[ music ]

- Barium. - Barium.

- Felidae deoxyribonucleic acid.

- Okay that is... - I heard the letter "D."

- Felidae deoxyribonucleic acid.

- Clarified yak b-- - Clarified yak butter.

- Ya.

- You know, I feel like you guys got this.

- Can I lick the beaters when you're done?

- Bose, how about you run to the outside door and back?

I'll time you. Go!

BOSE: Are you timing me?

- Yep.

[ tube alert ]

- Got her! - You got the cat?!

- What cat? I found Bose's mom on EnvyGram!

[ laughs ] The Vice Mayor is away

on official business a lot, you guys...

- You were supposed to come back with the cat.

- So were you! Twice!

- Schwoz is almost done with the antidote,

but we gotta get that cat!

- What was my time?

- Uhhh... six? - Yes! Try and b*at that.

- No. - Okay.

- So Schwoz, is that cat gonna end my mom or what?

- Well we almost have enough time to--

- [ gasps ] Look at this glow up!

- Aww... - Aiiiiieeeee!

- Right?

- If they're both glowing like that we're almost out of time!

- Well did you even done make the cat antidote yet?! - Just finished!

CHAPA: Looks like Bose's mom needs some antidote, too.

- Did you make one for her?! - Yyyyyyyyessss...

- Okay, new plan: we go to Bose's house

and inject his mom and the cat whether they like it or not.

- Agreed. - Let's roll.

- And we'll time ourselves!

- Ohhhh ohhhh, hold on hold on...

Nah, I got a better plan.

First, we need fourteen Friesian horses. Jet black.

Long hair. - Of course.

- Next -- a hot-air balloon with a giant winky emoji on the side.

- I see where you're going with this...

- Why don't we just go down there,

kick down the door, and inject them?!

- Yeah, we don't need some elaborate plan.

- Been a superhero for a long time. Okay?

I think I know what I'm doing...

Okay, Schwoz, pull me up a map of Thailand,

but back when it was called Siam...

- Yes, Siam -- of course!

[ Ray and Schwoz laugh ]

- enhance.

[ music ]

Invert.

Skip.

Draw four. Bingo.

Now, lock in those coordinates in the Man's Nest Computer.

Call Bigfoot, tell him to cancel whatever he's got going on

because he is going to want in on this...

- Bigfoot! Schwoz here.

Remember when I gave you that kidney?

Well now I'm calling in that favor...

[ music ]

- Lady come out with your cat up!

CELIA: No! You're going to take Meatball away from me!

- Just come out, mom! - Don't!

- ...ma Mia, you are frustrating! Us.

None of whom are your kids.

- But I'm her ki-- - Shh shh!

- Either you come out or I'm coming in!

CELIA: Oh, sure! Good luck with that door in the way!

- Been waiting for this all day...

- I think you gotta greet it as an equal.

[ groans ]

- Door. I greet you as an equal.

And yet, I must kick you.

- Amen.

- Yay!

CELIA: Please wipe your feet -- these are new floors!

VOLT: Get out! - Everybody ready?

[ cat screeches, glass breaks ]

- You're timing me right? - Yeah.

- Hey!

[ ShoutOut super-screams ]

[ cat meows ]

[ music ]

- Meatball, don't leave me! You're all I have in this world!

- Mom! - ...ma Mia,

that's a mean thing to say! If you have kids.

- I'm her kid-- - Shut up.

- Does anyone else hear screaming?

[ Captain Man and Bigfoot scream ]

- Is that a hot air balloon with a winky emoji?

[ Captain Man screams ]

[ Bigfoot screams ]

- Thanks for breaking my fall, buddy.

- No problem. I'm indestructible.

Danger Force! Okay, here's your part of the plan--

- We took care of it.

- What? But I already paid for the horses!

- We had our own plan. - Sorry.

- Byyyyeeeee...

- 'Foot?

- Celia?

- Hey there...

- I didn't know we were rescuing you.

- Wait, do you two like..?

- Do you wanna come in for some tea?

- Love to.

- Orange pekoe, no sugar, little bit of milk?

- Aw, you remember...

- You bet I do...

- You good, buddy?

- What? No, no I am not.

- Okay...

[ music ]

- What a colossal waste of time.

[ music ]

♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪

♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪

♪ I'm okay

♪ I'm okaaaay!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!