01x21 - Captain Man Strikes Out

[bunniefuu]

[ alarm blaring ]

[ alarm continues ]

CAPTAIN MAN: Be with you all in a minute.

My hands are super dry hands today...

- [ super-screams ] Stop!

Oh...come on!

- I don't know if it's the weather

or my new turpentine soap I've been using

but my paws are crackin'...

- Noooooooo!

- Stop! - Yeah time out, time out!

- Why'd you call time out?!

I was about to bash the Pittsburgh Stealer

over the head with this fire extinguisher.

- That's not a fire extinguisher, man.

That's art. - Whaaat?

- It's an original piece of modern art by Andy Warthog.

It is worth millions.

- I am so sorry.

I did not realize it was a Warthog.

- Look at the post-industrial typeface,

of course it's a Warthog.

- It's staring you in the face. - Use your brain, man.

- Do you not see the line confidence?!

- Please don't make me feel any more embarrassed

than I feel right now! - Okay, breathe.

- Okay, look. We obviously want to catch you

before can you steal any of this priceless modern art.

- And I want to steal this priceless art

and bring it back to the City of Three Rivers.

I'm speaking, of course, of the world-class metropolis

of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

- Is Pittsburgh a world-class city, though?

- Pittsburg is a world-class city!

- I think it's just a city.

- PARIS, VIENNA, PITTSBURGH!

- Listen, man! We need to figure out a way to do this

without breaking any of this amazing art.

- Well, it looks like we got ourselves

a real Pittsburgh standoff.

- Oh my god time in.

- Alright, m'Man Hands are properly looo-tioned

let's do this...

Aw, when did that happen?

- While you were moisturizing your paws.

- Nice! Only one thing left to do then.

- Take him to jail?

- Celebrate the win!

- No no. - Come on, man.

- You didn't even help. - This song is awesome!

[ shouting over the music ]

- Hey hey hey! - No no no!

♪ Dannnnngerrrrrrr!

♪ Whoa-oh-oh!

♪ Whoa-oh-oh!

♪ Dangerrrrrrrrr!

♪ Whoa-oh-oh!

♪ Whoa-oh-oh!

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ One two three Force!

- On top of how cocky it was to sing your own theme song--

- Well, I'm not gonna apologize.

- --that fire extinguisher was valued at

over four million dollars.

- Four million what?! - Dollars!

It was an original Warthog.

- Did you not notice the line confidence?!

- How can a fire extinguisher cost four million dollars?!

- Because it was art.

- Art is fancy paintings! And sculptures!

And sometimes my face when the morning sun hits my eyes!

Art is not a fire extinguisher!

- Expand your mind, man.

- NO.

And none of this matters, anyway, okay,

because all crime-fighting damages are covered

under my super-hero contract with the city.

Including victory dances. - For real?

- According to the Captain Man User Agreement,

which you signed-- - Nobody ever reads those!

- Eh, lawyer up, pal.

- Look, you either pay us back for all the art you destroyed

or I'll repossess the Man Copter.

- I'll just buy a new one. - Then I'll cancel Mom Con.

- I'm permanently banned from Mom Con.

- Then I'll take your name off one of the twelve streets

that are named after you and I'll rename it after...

- Don't you say it. - Joey...Lawrence.

[ all gasp ]

- Okay. Then there's just one thing for me to do.

- Let me guess, completely overreact to the situation?

- By refusing to work? - And going on strike?

- And hoping that the city gets overridden with crime?

- And comes crawling back to you?

- Wow. I was just gonna say apologize for my misdeeds

and pay him back but you know, I like your idea better.

- Dangit! - Why do I ever talk!

- Should've just shut up! - Why did we do that?!

- Hey Vice Mayor!

Captain Man is goin' on strike!!!

- I know I heard all that.

[ music ]

- Well? - Well what?

- Well, what are your visions telling you

about the ending of the next Battle Pigs movie?

- Pfft. That's not how my visions work.

[ everyone groans ]

- Be a lot cooler if it was.

- I can't control when I have visions of the future.

They just show up when they show up.

I mean, if I had some Nacho Ball right now maybe they'd show up.

- I'll teleport to Nacho Ball right now!

Be back in a flash.

Sorry guys, I don't know what's wrong

with my portin' powers today.

- Bose for the last time,

you do not have the power to teleport.

- You have telekinesis!

- I do?! That sounds serious.

Tell my family I loved them.

- Emergency! Everybody up to the Man's Nest, STAT!

- What's the emergency? - That you guys haven't seen

the four million dollar pro-crime commercial I just sh*t.

- You sh*t a pro-crime commercial?!

- For four million dollars?!

- Well... Jon Favreau did. But I wrote it.

- Why didn't you just pay that four million dollars

to the Vice Mayor?!

- Because you guys told me to go on strike!

Now, do you guys wanna come to the Man's Nest

and see my ad or not?

[ in unison ] - NO!

CAPTAIN MAN: Hey people of Swellview!

Do you ever think about committin' crimes?!

Well now you can, because Captain Man is on strike

and there's nobody out there to stop you!

- You made a commercial to encourage people

to commit crimes?! - That's right.

Crime wave minus Captain Man equals the Vice Mayor realizes

he needs me and comes crawling back to Daddy.

- Ew. - I'm Daddy.

[ Mika and Chapa in unison ] - Ew!

- What about all the victims of the--

- Da-da-da-da, this is the best part.

Crimes like... postal fraud, pyramid schemes,

mobstering, buffoonery,

releasing wild animals at the mall, pirating DVDs, ...

- This is messed up.

- This is the best part.

Or capturing Danger Force

and slowly lowering them into a pit of lava.

- You're encouraging crimes against us?

- What is your problem?

- Shhh, this is the best part.

So get out there and get criming!

This ad was paid for by the committee

who loves Captain Man.

- You spent four million dollars on that?

- Eh, you got me, it was five million.

- Why would you spend five million dollars on an ad

encouraging people to commit crimes?!

- Fine it was six million, but this is the way, Mika.

- This is not the way!

- And now simply to turn on the news

and watch the Vice Mayor cave.

- Breaking news! - The Vice Mayor

has a big announcement about Captain Man's strike.

- Oh! I hate it when I'm right.

- You're never right. - This is a good example of--

- Yeah yeah yeah yeah, this is the best part.

- After seeing Captain Man's eight million dollar ad--

- [ whispers ] Nine.

- It has become clear to me that Swellview

desperately needs a superhero.

- Oooo, say the words...

- And I have come up with a solution

to end this Captain Man strike.

- Say the words, old man.

- I have reached out to our friends in France,

who have generously agreed to lend us their superhero.

- Wait what?!

VICE MAYOR: Until Captain Man ends his strike,

Swellview will be under the protection of a new superhero!

MONSIEUR MAN: Beep beep beep, out of my way!

[ horn beeps ]

I am...

- Monsieur Man!

- Monsieur Man! Hoh-hoh!

[ Trent and Mary cheer ]

- Let's go. Hoh-hoh!

It all just hoh-hoh happened!

- Okay so Ray went on strike--

- --nine million dollars for a commercial--

- Keep talking!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ Un, deux, trois, Force!

[ in unison ] - Emergency!

[ doorbell ringing ]

- Ray, are you okay?

- He stole my theme song!

♪ Un, deux, trois, Force!

[ accordion music ]

- Beep beep beep out of our way.

- Hoh-hoh-hoh! This guy gets it! Ha-Ha!

- You're really just gonna stand there

and watch this guy move into your nest?

- Dude! - What?

- You bet I'm gonna watch him -- with my fists!

- What? - Hey, Dame Judy French!

Get ready to feel Truth... Justice...

...and the American Way!

- Are your insults also on strike?

- Yaaaahhhhhh!

- Ah-ah-ahhhh!

According to the agreement that you clicked on

when you joined the Good Guys Guild --

if a foreign superhero is covering a strike,

the local superhero has to let the visitor live in his lair.

- You mean I could have stayed in your place

when we were in Paris?

- Oui oui! You could have stayed in the Monsieur Mansion.

- This also says he gets to use your science guy

and any sidekicks.

- Oh my god Mika, stop reading.

- It also says we have to tell him our real names.

- No!

- I'm Miles Theopholis Macklin.

- And I am Michel Manchestier.

- Oooo. - Okay.

- Hey, Michel where should I put your stretchy piano thingy?

[ accordion notes play ]

- Put it with the rest of my stuff in Captain Man's bedroom!

- Would you like some coffee, Michel?

- Is that my Man-mug?!

- American coffee tastes like ketchup and gasoline. Ptooie.

[ mug breaks ]

- I totally agree.

- Hoh-hoh! - Hoh-hoh!

- Heh-hoh!

- Now you look here, French Stewart--

EMERGENCY ALARM: Beep! Beep! Beep!

- There's an emergency at The Swellview Mall!

There's a troop of silver foxes on the loose.

- Like the animals with the sharp teeth and claws?

- Or a bunch of classy guys that look like Anderson Cooper?

- The animals with the sharp teeth and the claws.

- We gotta roll... - Yeah.

- Well, you guys can't use any of my weapons!

Don't even touch 'em!

- Ewww. For some furry little foxes?

Pfff. The only w*apon I will need

is my natural French charm.

- [ giggles ] This guy's got style.

- I like him.

- Wait up Michel! - We'll come with!

- Wait wait wait. Don't help him!

I need him to fail so the city will take me back.

- Sorry man, we're not on strike.

- And we swore an oath to Swellview.

- I'd never betray you. - Same.

- Down the tube! - Down the tube!

[ music ]

- You know how to play the accordion?

- No. I just know how to play our theme song

on every instrument in the world.

- Hey, are they back yet?

- Why are you wearing medals?

- Oh these guys?

I always wear 'em when I get out of the shower.

- False. - Never seen you do that before in my life.

- You trying to big-time Monsieur Man

when he comes back from fighting those foxes?

- Pfft. No.

But do you think he'll be impressed when he sees 'em?

[ tube alert ]

[ laughing ]

- Now that's a well-timed entrance.

- We're back! - Oh these medals?

Well, I gave myself this one after I put out a fire

that I accidentally started.

- Yo, we just had the best mission!

- So much fun!

- And, uh, this one I got when I helped--

- This guy handled those foxes like a bauss.

- He just walked up to them, started rubbing their bellies,

and singing them a song.

- Boring! Everyone stop talking, look at my medals.

- Ba-ba-ba-boh, this is the best part.

- Okay, so a mom that he saved from the silver foxes

gave him a kiss on the cheek!

- Oh look, it's on the news right now.

- Now that's a well-timed news report.

- Monsieur Man was able to subdue the wild animals

just before they att*cked local hot mom, Kim Danvers.

- What?! TRENT: Welcome, Kim.

- Thanks for having me.

- It's so nice to finally see you.

- You can't save her! She's my ex!

- You said you don't like her "like that" anymore.

- Yeah, but, don't mean I wanna hear about her gettin' saved

by some other dude!

- Tell us about this kiss!

- Well, first of all he was French.

- Love that. - Ooo-la-la...

- And he saved me. So I kissed him.

- Wow. - Lucky guy.

- Yeah... I think I'm finally over my ex.

- Grrrrr!

EMERGENCY ALARM: Beep! Beep! Beep!

- Looks like there's an emergency at Dinnyland!

- Do you mean Disneyland?

- No! - No no no.

- No no. We can't say that.

- We definitely do not mean Disneyland.

What's the problem?

- Looks like one of the rides got stuck.

They fixed it but everyone is too scared to go on.

[ gasps ] They need ridetesters!

- So the emergency is we get to skip the line

and ride a roller coaster?!

- And we get to take our picture with Morky Moose!

- Alright, yeah. Wait for us!

- Annnnd I hate this day.

[ in unison ] - Down the tube!

[ somber accordion version of The Danger Force Theme plays ]

- Now that's a well-timed accordion sting.

[ music ]

- What a week it's been for Danger Force!

- And Monsieur Man!

- After test riding at Dinnyland,

they jetted over to Swellview's famous

Sweet Pete's Candy Factory, which was being att*cked

by a swarm of The Toddler's sweet-seeking laser drones.

But ShoutOut super-screamed them right out of the sky!

- Oh. [ super-screams ]

Got 'em!

SWEET PETE: Thanks, ShoutOut!

- You're welcome, Sweet Pete!

- Au revoir!

- Then Brainstorm and AWOL teamed up with Monsieur Man

to rescue Kim Danvers from Cavekid.

- I think Kim Danvers is looking for trouble

so Monsieur Man can find her.

- She certainly seems to be over her ex, whoever that is.

Monsieur Man and Volt rounded out their Week of Victory,

winning both biweekly Swellview Battles of the Bands.

♪ Mon-sieurrrrr...

♪ Hon-hon-hon,

♪ Hon-hon-hon!

♪ Ooooh-ooooh-ooooh!

♪ Un, deux, trois, quatre!

- We're not sure when Captain Man's

strike will end but who cares?

- Don't need him.

- Shut up!

- In other news--

- Ray, Ray, the kids need you!

- No they don't. Haven't you been watching the news?!

- Noooo I've been monitoring the sensors on the kids' suits.

They're on a mission at the lava lamp factory--

- Whole Lava Lamps? - Yes!

And their temp readings are almost scary high.

- Pff, they're fine. Monsieur Man's probably just

"charming the lava" with his stupid accent.

- But what if they are in trouble for realzies?

- Probably gonna get the lava to kiss him on the cheek.

- Dah! Their temps are officially scary high,

you need to go help them!

- They're fine.

[ groovy 's music ]

[ yelling ]

- We're in trouble.

- No, we're not. I'm sure Monsieur Man has a plan

to get us out of this. - Of course I do!

Monsieur Man always has a plan.

I will throw the baguette at the lever.

[ grunts ]

I have missed!

- Ooooh. We're in trouble. - Yeah.

- Oh, no!

[ AWOL whines ]

[ groovy 's music ]

MONSIEUR MAN: Oh, no no no no!

- Why are you doing this?!

- I'm That Seventies Crook, baby!

Roller dancing is what I do!

- No, he means why are you lowering us

into a pit of lava?!

- Great question...

- Yeah, we were wondering that.

- Owning a lava lamp factory was gettin' me down, Charlie Brown.

Then I saw this commercial on Boob Tube.

Saw this cat Captain Man laying down some heavy ideas --

saying that I should start committing crimes.

And so I thought, "Well that sounds grooooovy, baby.

And why not start with melting Danger Force?"

- Because that's m*rder?!

- Mmm. Says you, Nancy Drew!

- Says the law!

- Say goodbye, Danger Force!

- No no no no!

[ lunch whistle blares ]

- Yo boss! - Yeah?

- That's lunch, ya dig?

- Mmm. Groovayyy...

Why don't you guys hang while me and my crew get some fondue.

Let's cheese it, boys! Roll out!

- Okay. While they're gone we need to figure out a way to get outta this.

- Yeah, Captain Man's on strike so it's not like he's about to

waltz in here and say, "Ding-dong, dummies.

I'm here to save you."

- Ding-dong dummies. I'm here to save you.

- Now that's a well-timed entrance.

- Hey, Cap-ee-tan Man!

It seems we have been captured by That Seventies Crook!

- But if you pull that lever it will stop us

from being lowered into that lava.

- And then you can save us. - So pull it.

- And save us. - Please.

- This lever? - That's the one.

- And now simply to pull.

- If only it were that simple...

- It's literally that simple. - There's a sign.

- Iiiiiiii know what's going on here.

- [ gasps ] He only says that

when he has no idea what's going on!

- It's obvious.

You guys set this up because you could see

that I haven't felt needed all week long.

- I have not seen that. - Yeah, we were so busy

fighting crime with Monsieur Man.

- I honestly thought you left.

- Okay, so I'm supposed to just "believe"

that on the very day that I'm feeling so sad

that I almost called Kim Danvers to take her back--

PHONE VOICE: Calling Kim Danvers.

- Ew!

...that Schwoz just "happens" to see

that you guys are in trouble

and you "need me" to come help you?

- We need you to pull that lever!

- And I suppose you're all going to tell me

that you all got trapped here by some kind of wacky criminal

with an arbitrary gimmick?

- Well-timed entrance coming.

- Captain Man!

You're just in time to watch me "fondue" you in!

- Wow. Wow.

- Just pull the lever!

- Ahhhhh! - Enough.

- Ow. - Great sh*t!

Now pull the lever!

- Whoa! Yo, man.

Did you just laser That Seventies Crook?

- Ooo oooo, Henchmen!

I suppose you expect me to "fight" these guys now.

- We expect you to pull the lever.

- Okay, I'll play your little game...

Come on. Let's do this.

Oh, wow, four of them?

Matching outfits too.

Okay, here we go.

- Huh! Ha!

- You like that?

Is that what you wanna see?

You wanna see me fight these guys?! Huh?

Is that what you want?

How about that, guys?

- Awwww!

- Are you not entertained?

- Yo, daddio!

- Does that make you happy?

- Yes! - Because you know what?

This makes me happy! And I'll tell you why...

- Could you tell us after you pull the lever?

- Please. - It's getting a little hot.

- No! This can't wait.

In fact, I'm gonna tell all of Swellview why I'm so happy.

[ yelling ]

[ music ]

- Hello? Captain Man, are you there?

- Hello? You're live.

- I've got something I need to say

to the entire city of Swellview.

MARY: Go ahead. - Someone help us!

- I just want to say that I accept your apology.

- I don't believe one was offered.

- Well, I still accept.

- Help!

- But I only accept...

because of these kids right here.

- Just pull the lever we're about to get melted!

- I mean, the effort they put into creating

this whole fake scenario... - It's not fake!

- Did Volt just say they're about to get melted?

- Yes! - No.

I mean, the effort they put in to faking this

shows me that they know...

they know how much this town needs Captain Man.

- I don't see how you can possibly draw that conclusion.

- And so, I'm officially ending my strike.

I'll pay the fine and go back to work.

- Wow.

- But it's only because of these kids right here, who I love.

- If you love us then save us!

- Oh my god shut up I'm on the news!

Ugh, it's like "Gah, gimme a second" y'know?

- We are running very low on seconds.

- So Swellview -- you got your Man back.

And I accept your apology.

- None given.

- Shut your mouth, Trent.

Whew! That felt good.

- Will you please pull the lever?!

- Alright. I'll pull your stupid lever are you happy now?

[ everyone sighs ]

- Now we just gotta figure out

how to get this guy back to France.

- Hoh-hoh! - Can you get us down first?

- This lava's really hot.

- This lava's not even real.

It's fondue.

- No no no no no!

[ Captain Man screams ]

- Ahhhhh--I'm ok.

Let's go home dummies.

- Hey, wait wait wait. - Dude, get us down!

[ all yelling ]

[ music ]

♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪

♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪

♪ I'm okay

♪ I'm okaaaay!

♪ Danger

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Whoaaa-oooh

♪ Ooooh-ooooh

♪ Danger!

♪ One two three Force!