[BELL TOLLING]
[GIGGLING]
- Good morning, Mr. Roarke.
- Good morning, Lawrence.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[♪♪♪♪♪]
[GIGGLING]
Smiles, everyone, smiles.
[TROPICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
LAWRENCE: Ah, such
a nice, young couple.
Here for a romantic
holiday, I presume?
Mmm, that remains
to be seen, Lawrence.
- But they look so happy.
- And one of them is.
Mr. Gary Tucker is
a very happy man.
His wife Kathleen
is another story.
She's here to try to
save their marriage.
I don't follow you.
Well, you see, Mrs. Tucker
has recently discovered
that her husband...
has a mistress.
-LAWRENCE: A mistress? -Yes.
And he doesn't know
he's been found out.
No wonder he looks happy.
- And not that I approve, sir.
- Neither does Mrs. Tucker.
Her fantasy is for her
husband to make a choice
between his wife
and his mistress
before they leave the island.
LAWRENCE: Oh,
dear. They're starting
a vacation together,
they're not even speaking.
It doesn't bode
well, does it, sir?
I'm afraid you're jumping
to conclusions, Lawrence.
The lady is Mrs. Joan Mallory,
a widow from Coos Bay, Oregon.
The gentleman is
Mr. Alan Reynolds,
a widower from Bangor, Maine.
They have never seen each other
- before today.
- I stand corrected.
There will be no more
jumping to conclusions from me.
That's good.
I assume her
fantasy is to recapture
her lost, wild youth.
No, Lawrence.
-No? -No.
Her fantasy is to get to know
a suitable gentleman
of her own age.
-Object, romance. -Uh-huh.
Then, it is safe to
conclude that Mrs. Mallory
and Mr. Reynolds
will not be strangers
- for very long?
- Yes, but I'm afraid
Mrs. Mallory's problem
cannot be solved
with a mere kiss or two.
My dear guests, I am
Mr. Roarke, your host.
Welcome to Fantasy Island.
[♪♪♪♪♪]
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Oh, Gary, isn't it beautiful?
You and me alone
in a tropical paradise.
Oh, it's been so long.
Kathy, please, I know
how long it's been.
I know I've been spending
too much time at the office.
Gary, I didn't mean...
I know what you
meant, all right,
but making a career
work takes time, lots of it,
and I don't want you
making me feel guilty about it.
I didn't mean to make
you feel guilty, Gary.
Sometimes, well, sometimes,
things just come out wrong.
All right, hey, forget it.
You practically kidnapped
me for this vacation, so,
let's enjoy it.
What do you say, I
check this place out,
make some plans for us
while you, you unwind?
You can call the concierge
on the house phone.
Well, I know, but I kind of
feel like stretching my legs.
See you soon.
May I direct you some
place, Mr. Tucker?
No, thank you, Mr. Roarke.
I'll find my way around.
Uh, may I?
-Please. -Thank you.
I just hope he's not finding
his way around to a phone
to call her.
Why upset yourself by jumping
to conclusions, Mrs. Tucker?
Because that's all I
seem to do anymore
ever since I found
out about them.
When he's not with me,
I'm sure he's with her.
And when he's with me, I'm
sure he's thinking about her.
What are you willing to risk
to find out the truth?
Anything. Anything.
Well, then, will you and
Mr. Tucker be good enough
to join me in the
Renaissance Garden
at, uh, noon?
All right.
[SIGHS] Any member of
my staff will direct you there.
-Will you excuse me? -Thank you.
Well, Mrs. Mallory,
I see your fantasy
is well underway.
I see your fantasy has begun.
What?
- Can you hear me, Mrs. Mallory?
- [SHOUTS] What?
-How you doing? -[SIGHS]
Oh, better now that
I know I'm not deaf.
[CHUCKLES] Good.
Mr. Roarke, if
you have a minute,
I'd like to talk to you
about something.
Oh, certainly. Uh, do you mind?
Thank you.
[EXHALES] Now.
I'm starting to have
second thoughts
-about my fantasy. -Oh?
Well, back home in Coos Bay,
in the middle of a cold drizzle,
coming to a tropical
island, and having a...
Well, a romance,
it seemed like just
what the doctor ordered.
But, well, now that
I'm here, I feel...
well... maybe stupid
is an understatement.
Is that really how
you feel about it?
Huh?
I can't fool you,
can I, Mr. Roarke?
[CHUCKLES]
My real problem is
it seems too soon.
My husband hasn't
been dead that long.
How long has it been?
-Ten years. -Ten years?
- So it wasn't exactly yesterday.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Here are the dresses for
Mrs. Mallory's perusal, sir.
Excellent, Lawrence,
excellent. Uh, Mrs. Mallory,
may I suggest that
these, uh, gowns would be
a wonderful addition
to your wardrobe,
that is, if you decide to
go ahead with your fantasy.
These gowns would
be my wardrobe?
Indeed.
Let's go for it, Mr. Roarke.
On with the fantasy.
You look lovely,
Mrs. Mallory, lovely.
Thank you.
I... I don't even feel like me,
- and this is very nice.
- Oh, better than nice.
And now, there is someone
I'd like to you meet. May I?
Mrs. Joan Mallory,
Mr. Alan Reynolds.
- Don't I know you?
- Don't I know you? Oh!
[JOAN LAUGHS]
Even if you don't, I'm sure
you'll both soon remedy that.
- Will you excuse me?
- I'll see you later, Mr. Roarke.
Thank you.
[ALAN SIGHS]
It's a beautiful day.
What do you say we make
some memories together?
[ALAN AND JOAN CHUCKLE]
[GARY SIGHS]
-Hi. -Hi.
We're expecting Mr. Roarke.
LAWRENCE: What
a nice-looking couple.
MR. ROARKE: Yes.
And, uh, Miss Sinclair, did
you extend my invitation?
Yes, sir. In fact,
she's on her way now.
-Good. -If you don't mind, sir,
I checked on the lady.
Miss Sinclair does not seem
to appear on any of our
lists as having put in a request
- for a fantasy.
- Yes, Lawrence, I know, I know.
Then why is she here?
Because she is
Mr. Tucker's mistress.
The mistress of that Mr. Tucker?
I believe there is only one
Mr. Tucker registered with us.
Isn't that so, Lawrence? Hmm.
Ah, Miss Sinclair.
- You must be Mr. Roarke.
- Welcome to Fantasy Island.
[EXHALES] Well, thank you
for the intriguing invitation.
- You are most welcome.
- And do you still promise me
that mysteriously
unforgettable
weekend you spoke of?
Absolutely.
It will begin if you
come right this way.
Uh, but, sir, don't you think
it's a bit crowded over there?
It will be by at least
one. Miss Sinclair.
[CHUCKLES]
Mr. Roarke, I love fun and
games as much as anyone else,
uh, but I do like to know
what game I'm playing.
- What's this about?
- A marriage, Miss Sinclair.
Uh, no, more
precisely, a triangle,
and the bringing together
of the principle players.
[SCOFFS] Well, you sound
like you need a social worker
or a stage manager,
but not me, Mr. Roarke.
- I mean, where would I fit in?
- Unfortunately, in the middle.
Mrs. Kathleen
Tucker, I'd like you
- to meet Miss Helen Sinclair.
- GARY: Helen?
-Gary? -Helen?
And now, if you'll
excuse me, I must work
on the afternoon
plane. Uh, Lawrence.
-Uh. -All right, I'll go first.
What is this, some
kind of a joke?
Some kind of a
rotten, lousy joke?
-She knows. -Of course I know.
What do you think, I'm stupid?
You have to be deaf, dumb,
and blind not to know.
It's not what you
think, Kathleen.
- Oh? What is it then?
- Uh, it's... it's a mistake.
What, you having
a mistress or us all
- ending up here together?
- [STUTTERS] I... I'm sorry.
I... I'm really sorry...
uh, but I... I'm leaving.
- Kathleen, I can explain.
- I doubt it.
[♪♪♪♪♪]
Ah! Oh! [CHUCKLES]
- ALAN: Very good.
- I haven't had so much fun
since... well, I can't remember.
- ALAN: Aw, it's been too long.
- Oh!
Now, what do you want to do?
That is unless I have a stroke
within the next five minutes.
Well, I'm happy just being
with the most attractive lady
- on the island.
- Well, that's a very nice thing
-to say, Alan. -I mean it, Joan.
Tell me, uh, do you
think that love at first sight
is just for kids?
Well, I've never really
thought about it...
until now.
Well, then, how about giving
it your immediate attention?
I've thought about it,
and I definitely don't think
the kids have a lock on it.
[ALAN CHUCKLES]
[PANTS]
Well, Mrs. Mallory, you
look very jaunty and dashing.
Oh, Mr. Roarke, I'm having
such a wonderful time.
I hope to get to the
boutique before it closes.
I have to get some new
lipstick, and perfume, and...
Listen to me, I'm carrying
on like a schoolgirl.
[CHUCKLES] I am glad
everything is turning out
as you had planned. Oh!
Uh, there is one thing.
Well, but, I'm sure it
will make no difference.
What is that?
Your son and his family
have just arrived on the island.
Oh, no.
[SIGHS]
How did they find me?
Well, your son told me
that, um, he became worried
when he noticed your suitcases
and some of your personal items
were missing. And
then, he apparently found
the itinerary for your trip.
Was there some reason
you didn't wish your son
to know your whereabouts?
I couldn't very well tell
him I was running away
from home to...
you know.
Mother? Mother!
We were so worried about you.
- Oh, Mom, you look terrific!
- Thanks.
I... I'm glad to
see you, but I, uh...
- I really must be going.
- What's going on here?
Nothing, I'm just
having a little holiday.
A holiday, uh-huh?
That's it, isn't it?
You think we've been
neglecting you at home,
so you decided to
teach us a lesson.
Richard, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
I've never thought that ever.
And now, I really
must be on my way.
Where are you going?
We just got here.
Nice seeing you all.
- Mr. Roarke?
- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Mallory,
I'm sorry. I never
interfere in family matters.
Uh, well, almost never.
Will you excuse me?
Mr. Roarke.
I thought you
might need to talk.
How could you do that to
me? How could you spring
his mistress on me like that?
It's called
confrontational therapy.
It's very difficult to fight an
enemy you've never seen.
Oh, and what did
I see? Mr. Roarke,
she's not as gorgeous
as I expected,
and she's not some
-year-old nymphet.
Oh, what's wrong with me anyway,
if he's so anxious to have her?
It's not necessarily
that anything
is wrong with you, Mrs. Tucker.
Some men just
like the adventure,
the excitement of someone new.
So the marriage gets stale,
and the romance
isn't there anymore.
Oh, who am I kidding? It's
over between Gary and me.
You wouldn't be here
if you really thought so.
Would you? No, no, no.
No, Mrs. Tucker, you've
come to Fantasy Island
to find out if you can
save your marriage
when other women
might have given up.
Oh, do you think
there's still a chance?
The answer to that
question is exactly
what your fantasy
is all about, isn't it?
Okay. I may not win, but
that octopus is gonna know
- she's in for a hell of a fight.
- Good girl.
He wants adventure,
he wants surprise,
he wants something new?
I'll give him something new.
He ain't seen nothing yet.
Thank you.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
Well, what'll it be, Joan...
a dance or a stroll
on the beach?
How about just being together?
I'll buy that.
You are a beautiful
lady, Mrs. Mallory.
And you're a wonderful
fella, Mr. Reynolds.
-Hmm. -[CHUCKLES]
How about that night cap?
[TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[SPECTATORS EXCLAIMING]
You must think I'm a
real lowlife, don't you?
I don't take it upon myself
to judge people, Mr. Tucker,
but now that you mention it...
Well, I... I didn't mean
to hurt either one of them.
Sadly, there are some situations
which do not have within them
the ingredients of success.
They're, uh,
they're both terrific.
Kathleen is... is safe.
Helen is... is exciting.
I need them both.
Yes, I tried to
explain your attitude
-to your wife. -GARY: And?
Men have been trying to
expound upon your theory
for thousands of years.
Perhaps you'll have better
luck. And if you do, Mr. Tucker...
you'll be a legend
in your own time.
Will you excuse me?
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
This should complete
the picture, Madam.
- Oh, Lawrence, it's perfect!
- Hmm, very effective.
- Yes.
- Please let me know if I can be
of any further service.
Thank you, but now, it's
time for me to go to work.
Kathy.
[SIGHS] I've been
waiting for you.
Wow.
I thought you'd be packing,
or I thought you'd be gone.
I didn't think you'd...
[MOANS]
And where would I go?
I came here to be
with my husband,
and I'm going to
leave with my husband.
- Listen, about Helen...
- Forget about Helen.
-I want to talk about us. -Whoa!
Now...
I love you,
and I think our marriage
is worth saving, don't you?
Of course and I love you too.
I didn't want a divorce, if
that's what you thought.
I know you, Gary.
I knew you'd realize how
much we meant to each other.
I knew you would
make the right choice.
- Choice?
- Mm-hmm, between Helen and me.
I know you feel bad
about what happened.
I know you do, I can
see it in your eyes,
although it was a
rotten thing to do.
But if I wasn't there
for you, if I let you down,
well, it won't happen again.
So, when's she leaving?
Who?
Who we've been
talking about, Helen.
Oh, Helen's not leaving.
Of course, she is,
once you tell her
how much your
marriage means to you.
Why would I tell her that?
-Why? -Yeah.
Gary,
you just said you
didn't want a divorce.
-I don't. -Well?
I don't want a divorce,
but I don't want to stop
seeing Helen either.
I thought you understood.
I understood
nothing of the kind.
What is it going
to be, her or me?
Kathy, baby,
times have changed.
Where were you
during the sexual
revolution, hmm?
Probably buried under
a pile of your laundry.
So what's it gonna be, pal?
I won't choose.
Oh, really?
You won't choose, huh?
Okay, okay.
Then, I'll choose for you.
-Kathy. -Out.
Out!
[GROANS]
Is this the way to our bungalow?
No, it's the way to
Mother's bungalow.
[WHISPERS] Alan...
Alan...
I'm not sure.
Not sure about what, Joan?
Your feelings for me?
No, not that.
It's a magic I never
thought I'd feel again.
-[SIGHS] -I don't
want it to go away.
-Do you? -No.
I feel that magic too.
Then?
Then...
kiss me.
-[KNOCKING ON DOOR] -Mother?
Excuse me, I didn't
mean to interrupt.
We just stopped by to tell you
that we love you and need you.
But you obviously don't need us.
[DOOR CLOSING]
INSTRUCTOR: Now, walk it out.
Two, three, four, five.
Seven, and eight. Take a breath.
Exhale, stretch it
all the way down.
And now, shake it out.
Bend those knees
and slowly round up.
-All right, very good. -Woo!
- [JOAN PANTING]
- INSTRUCTOR: Great, now,
I'd like you to come over
here, and let's go through
a few more things.
All right, stamp your feet hard.
Shake out those shoulders.
Deep breath.
Drop those heads forward...
Here you are. I've
been looking all over
for you all morning.
As opposed to avoiding
me yesterday, yes?
I wasn't ready to
see you yesterday.
Or last night, correct?
Especially last night.
I'm sorry about that.
Why be sorry if that's
what you wanted to do?
- Oh, Richard, try to understand.
- Oh, I do understand.
Poor mother,
she thinks she's been a
burden to her son and his family.
So what does she do?
She packs her stuff off
to some fancy
resort island, and...
she falls into bed
with the first man
that she sees.
That is not what happened.
You've been here one lousy day!
You're my mother.
And you think your mother
is the only woman in the world
who doesn't have
need for companionship,
and sharing, and love?
We love you.
Oh, grow up, Richard. I
haven't done anything wrong.
Maybe not in your eyes,
but what about your
granddaughter's?
Did you give a moment's
thought to Michelle?
- What about Michelle?
- She knows as well as I do that
that was some guy you never
saw in your life before yesterday.
She was there last
night too, remember?
Oh, Richard.
Hi, how did you get out?
Kathleen threw
me out last night.
- What?
- Kathleen really put the screws
on me to make a
choice between you.
Oh, honey, my nails are wet.
And, uh, when I refused
to make that choice,
she made it for me.
[CHUCKLES] She'll come around.
She'll take you back.
Oh, no.
No more sneaking around.
We're out in the open now.
Mine'll be the first face
you see in the morning
and the last one at night.
Oh, no.
Gary, you're moving too fast.
Your wife is a lovely
woman. I really mean that.
You two have too much time
invested together and memories.
Well, it would be a shame.
No, it would be a crime
to throw that away.
I always knew you
were beautiful, Helen,
but... but to be
honest, I never knew
how really good you are
and... and... and noble.
Boy, I've really been a
bum, and I swear to you
I'm gonna make it up to you.
All these months of making
you my back-street woman,
they're over. From now
on, it's you and me, kid,
right out there for the
whole world to see.
I'm sorry I'm late, Alan.
I was just having a
little chat with my son.
Hmm, explaining
the facts of life to him?
Oh, he... he knows them.
I'm afraid it's the fantasies
of life he's weak on.
I'm sorry, Joan, I...
I wish last night hadn't
have happened, but...
Well, at least now, we
can have our brunch
and map our itinerary
for the rest of the day.
Oh, I've already ordered for
us. I... I hope you don't mind.
Oh.
Have you ever seen
anything so wonderful?
Doesn't that look
glorious? [SIGHS]
I've never seen anything
like it until just this moment.
Papaya, and guava, and...
-What's this? -Baloney.
This is all baloney, Joan.
You're acting as if
we were two strangers.
I'm afraid I'm upset.
What did your son say to you?
Words to the effect...
I should set an example
for my granddaughter.
[INHALES] Joan,
what we have here
is the beginning of
something that's truly lovely.
He doesn't seem
to understand that.
I know, Alan, and
I agree with you.
But...
from his viewpoint...
he may be right.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
Bartender.
Could you send a drink to
that gentleman down there,
the one with the mustache?
Thanks for the drink.
- I'm Matt Vernon.
- I'm Kathleen Tucker,
and I've never done
anything like that
- in my whole life.
- Well, I never would've guessed.
You did it with great
finesse and style.
- Are you an American?
- Don't I sound like one?
Oh, yes, of course.
I always seem to ask that
question whenever I travel.
Hmm.
- Do you travel a lot?
- Almost never.
[SIGHS]
Well come on, Kathleen
Tucker, I'll make it easy for you.
Let's dance.
All right.
Do you remember, sir,
when the music we
listened to had lyrics,
and the dances we did had names?
-Ah, yes, yes. -The Rumba...
the Cha-Cha, the Tango.
Such fire, such grace.
Why, Lawrence, a side of
you I've never seen before.
Most dashing.
Why, thank you, sir.
Oh, look, there's
Mrs. Tucker now.
Apparently, the lady
has taken charge
of her own destiny.
- And I say bully for her.
- [CLAPPING]
[SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
I know a good girl isn't
supposed to come on
the way I did, but
you know something?
What's that?
Sometimes, a good girl
has got to be a woman.
Terrific, a lady with
brains and sex appeal.
What do brains
have to do with it?
MR. ROARKE: May I?
-Of course. -Thank you.
- May I?
- Oh, I didn't know the fantasy
included a dance with the host.
Are you enjoying your
fantasy, Mrs. Tucker?
Well, it didn't turn out
exactly like I expected,
but yes, I'm enjoying it.
With strange men
you meet at bars?
Why not?
He thinks I'm smart,
and he thinks I'm sexy,
two things about me my husband
has seemed to have overlooked.
Are you ready
to end your fantasy,
Mrs. Tucker?
Uh-oh, something bad's
gonna happen, right?
- I knew it, I knew it!
- I can only control the present.
The future is up to you.
[SIGHS] Well, I don't seem
to have that much to lose,
so I'm gonna stick with it.
-Excuse me. -Of course.
LISA: There you go!
[LAUGHS]
Richard, why don't
you come in and join us?
Because I don't want to.
Good answer.
- Is daddy still mad at Grandma?
- Shh.
Uh, excuse me, uh, Richard?
Uh, I'm Alan Reynolds,
and I'd like to talk to
you about last night,
- about your mother.
- Get lost, will you?
ALAN: Listen, I didn't
expect this to be easy,
but give me a break, will you?
Look, you may not
want to hear me out,
you may not believe me,
but I am not in the business
of corrupting lonesome widows.
- What would you call it?
- Attraction, admiration,
appreciation for who
she is as a woman.
She fell for that line of bull?
That is demeaning to her
and not very flattering to you,
and it doesn't say an
awful lot for me either.
Frankly, Richard,
you can go to hell.
- Did you hear him?
- Loud and clear. We all heard.
You... you know, my
apartment's not that big.
So, we'll move.
I like my apartment
and you hate my dog.
We'll all get used
to each other.
[SIGHS] Gary, uh, you
know, we've never even spent
a whole night together.
I snore.
So do I.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Your hat, Madam, you
left it on the table yesterday.
- Oh, Lawrence, come in.
- Oh, I don't want to intrude.
Oh, please, intrude.
-Uh, Mr. Tucker. -Lawrence.
Uh, would you like a
drink? Uh, play some cards,
watch a little TV?
[STAMMERS] Perhaps I
could just help Mr. Tucker.
- Um, unpacking, are you, sir?
- Uh, that's right, Lawrence.
Uh, maybe you could
hang these pants for me.
Yes, sir.
There doesn't seem
to be any room.
Oh, that's another thing, Gary.
I'm an absolute clothes horse.
I buy, buy, buy.
Why, I owe every
store in town money.
I'm an absolute clothes junkie.
Do you realize that
there are clothes
in that closet that still
have the price tag on them?
Well, that's why you
always look so wonderful.
Gary, would you listen to me?
Would you please listen
to what I've been trying
to tell you for the
last four hours?
Well... you have your hat,
he has his pants and
I'll be taking my leave.
I have heard everything
you have said.
What you are trying
to warn me about
is all the terrible
things about you,
none of which is terrible.
Don't worry so much. Everything
is gonna be just fine, baby.
Everything's not
going to be fine,
and don't call me baby.
[SIGHS] Read
between the lines, Bozo.
Everything's not gonna be fine
because I don't want
everything to be fine.
-I don't understand. -Obviously.
Read my lips.
The reason that
you and I have had
such a great thing going
is because we didn't have
to deal with each
other on a daily basis.
[EXHALES] All you think
about is what you want.
Well, we don't happen
to want the same things.
I don't want a roommate...
and I don't want a husband.
I love my job, I
love my apartment,
I love my dog, and
I love married men
because they're
somebody else's problem.
Helen, what did I do
that was so terrible?
You left your wife!
Married men never
leave their wives.
MICHELLE: You know Mom and
Dad aren't talking to each other.
Mom went to go
take her tennis lesson,
and dad went off to
mope somewhere.
Your father always did
that, take it out in junk food,
eat himself into a coma,
and then upchuck all night.
Yeah, I know.
Your boyfriend told him off
and said a lot of
nice things about you.
They argued in front of you?
Well, sort of, but it was fun.
Michelle, darling, do you
know what all this means?
And don't start
out indignantly with,
- "Grandma, I am years old."
- Almost .
But anyway...
Mom always says that
a meaningful relationship
is for two people
who are old enough
and... and who really
care about each other
because if you don't
care about each other,
sex doesn't mean anything,
and you might as
well go bowling.
[CHUCKLES] What
does your father say?
Well, mostly, he lets
Mom do the talking
about stuff like that.
Michelle, there's one
very important thing
happening here, and I
want you to be aware of it.
Well, what is it, Grandma?
Whatever you do
in life, whatever,
is going to affect
people around you and...
you have to be absolutely
sure you don't hurt them.
And in some way, even
though I didn't mean to,
I have hurt your father.
How?
I'm not quite sure...
but I think it had
something to do with the fact
that I behaved in a way
that disappointed him.
[SIGHS]
What's the matter?
I sure hope when I'm your age,
I'm not letting other
people push me around.
I thought that was just supposed
to be when you were a kid.
I am more than astonished.
I am absolutely appalled
that you obviously have no idea
about the shamelessly
flagrant behavior
that's running rampant
on this island of yours.
You no doubt are referring
to your wayward mother
and the infamous Mr. Reynolds,
who are fast becoming the
scandal of Fantasy Island.
They certainly are, cavorting
around the way they are.
Cavorting? By whose
sense of morality?
Morality, ha-ha!
There, you've said it.
I'll tell you there would
have been no mistake
in my mother's mind
what morality meant
when my father was
alive, you can bet.
Well, then, perhaps it
would've been better all around
if she had just jumped
into his funeral pyre.
- That's a low blow, Mr. Roarke.
- But close to the mark,
- nevertheless.
- Now, wait a minute...
So you've become the
judge of when grandmothers
can no longer think
about romance.
- I didn't say that.
- What about your own wife,
Mr. Mallory?
Would you leave
my wife out of this?
How can I?
At what age will you decide
to move her into a
separate bedroom?
At ? ?
Perhaps when you
put in for social security,
sixty five.
Yes, that seems to be the
universally-accepted age
for some to assume
that life is over.
When you make me
look at myself like that,
I really don't like what I see.
I had a very nice night.
Thank you.
Good night.
Excuse me?
Okay. [CHUCKLES]
I'm handling this badly.
Hmm. You don't
want to invite me in.
[SIGHS] It was something I said?
Something I did?
No.
Huh, well, I like
guessing games.
-Let me see, uh... -Look.
It has nothing to do
with you, honest. I...
[CHUCKLES] I... I
just made a mistake.
I thought I could
forget my problems
by having an affair
with you, but...
I can't.
You... you see, I
really came here
with my husband and
just before I met you,
I threw him out. And
now, he's off somewhere
with his mistress. And
now, I have to figure out
what I have to do
with the rest of my life.
So if I went to bed with you,
it really wouldn't be any fun.
I'm preoccupied.
Right.
Kathleen, that's too
terrible a story to be a lie.
[SCOFFS]
Here.
You need this more than I do.
Good luck.
Thank you.
I know somebody who's going
to need this a lot more than me.
[CORK POPS]
♪ The party's over ♪
♪ It's time to call it a day ♪
♪ They burst Your
pretty balloon ♪
♪ And taken the moon away ♪
[WHIRLPOOL POWERS DOWN]
[SIGHS]
Shoe.
Thank you.
[KATHLEEN GROANS]
Wet.
Water.
I'm sorry.
You're a very nice lady.
I... I didn't mean to
break up your marriage.
It was his choice.
Anyway, it's decided.
Uh, I don't want him.
[CHUCKLES] I'm a
professional girlfriend,
not a wife.
Uh, if it had worked
out some other way,
I might have been a wife.
But as things are...
I'm the mistress,
you're the wife.
Was.
Was a wife.
Come in, everyone.
Food, drink, the
party's on the house.
- Wait, wait, what about dinner?
- I made reservations.
Excuse me, uh, that's
supposed to be my line.
Come in, Alan, join us.
Would you do the honors?
I suppose you're all
wondering why I asked you here.
Mother, really, you
needn't go on. I...
All those things that
I said to you, uh...
I just want to apologize to
you for sticking my nose in.
Thank you, Richard.
And I'm sorry too...
that I didn't come right out
and say what was on my mind.
You're a grown woman.
You don't have to account to
me for everything that you do.
That's wonderful, Richard.
That's all people who love
each other should expect.
And you know I love you all.
All.
-Richard. -Thank you.
Your mother's a wonderful woman.
I only hope she'll
let me live up to it.
If that's what she
wants, I do too.
I'm gonna move out,
get my own place
when we get back home.
- It's about time.
- What are you talking about?
-You can't do that. -Can't I?
Only if you promise to come
over to dinner once a week,
if you want to.
I'll think about it.
Now, listen to me, Kathleen.
I don't love him.
I never loved him.
He was just...
what all married
guys are to me...
Something I can count on
that doesn't give me
any grief, you know.
No, I don't know.
But I don't love
him anymore either.
I used to, a lot.
But he's not the
same Gary I married.
He's not nice anymore.
He's not nice to me.
Nope, he's all yours,
honey. Congratulations.
Well, I... I don't see
why either one of us
have to take him.
Let's throw him back.
That's good.
-I like that. -[LAUGHS]
I don't want him, and
you don't want him.
Let's throw him back!
[BOTH LAUGH]
Hey, how about this? I
knew it would work out
once the two of you
got to know one another.
Oh, that's funny!
- This is it, huh?
- HELEN: Oh, yeah!
One big, happy family,
just the three of us.
I saw your son and his
family off on the early plane,
Miss Mallory. They said
they'd see you at home.
I would have joined
them, but I had other plans
- this morning.
- It appears you've had
a very successful fantasy.
Oh, more than a
fantasy, Mr. Roarke.
A wonderful new reality.
I'm very grateful
to you and Alan.
It was my pleasure.
No more so than it
was mine, Mr. Roarke.
And for that, I thank you too.
You're very welcome,
Mr. Reynolds. Goodbye.
Excuse me, sir, but
you never did tell me
what Mr. Reynolds' fantasy was.
Surely you must have
guessed, Lawrence.
His fantasy was realized
at the same time
as Mrs. Mallory's.
Smashing, sir. Simply smashing.
-Well, Mrs. Tucker... -Shh.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
Thank you, Mr. Roarke,
for everything,
for showing me how
to make my own choice.
I realize now that's
what you were trying
to get me to do all along.
No, when you deal with
a, uh, I'm terribly sorry.
When you deal
with a thoroughbred,
there is no need
to go to the whip.
- A little nudge.
- Thank you for using
a velvet glove
while you were at it.
Thank you.
Lawrence.
Oh, I hope they have
aspirin on the plane.
[♪♪♪♪♪]