02x15 - Theo and Cockroach

[bunniefuu]

Cockroach, Don't You Ever
Get Tired Of That Gag?

No, Because You Fall
For It Every Time.

You Ready For The
Shakespeare Test Tomorrow?

We're Not Worried.

That Play's Hard To Read.

We're Not Reading It.

You're Taking The Test
Without Reading "Macbeth"?

We're Getting The Album.

Album?

These English Guys
Made A Record.

No Music-
Just Words.

When Perkins Assigned
It Two Weeks Ago

We Signed Up At The
Library For The Record.

We're Picking It
Up After School.

Tonight We'll
Listen Our Way To An "A."

I Wish I'd Known They
Had "Macbeth" On A Record.

It Took Me A Week
To Read It.

Later, Fellas.

See You.

A Week To Read The Play.

We Did The Right Thing.

Yeah.

Oohhh.

What?

Burger Alert.

Ooohhh. She's A
Double Burger.

No, No. Deluxe Burger
With The Works.

I've Never Seen Her.
She Must Be New.

New And Improved.

I'll Introduce Myself.

No.

You Can't Just Go Up
To A Deluxe Burger.

You Need Something
Interesting To Talk About.

I'll Talk About Me.

I Saw Her First.

Then You Go Talk
To Her About Me.

Hey, Her Locker's Stuck.

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.

Having Trouble
With Your Lock?

I Can't Get It Open.

All Right.
Here's My Combination.

Are You New Here?

Yeah, We Moved Here
From Chicago.

Oh, Chicago.

I've Heard It's
Pretty Nice There.

Yeah, It Is Nice.

That's What I've Heard.

Theo, Having Some Problems?

Sorry.
It Won't Open.

Go To The Office
And Get A New Locker.

Good Idea.
Thanks.

I'll Take You.

I Know
Where It Is.

What's Your Name?

Theresa.

Mine's Theo.

I'm Cockroach.

Cockroach?

My Real Name Is Walter,
But I Prefer Cockroach.

Nice To Meet You.

And Theo, I Really
Appreciate Your Help.

Any Time.

Did You Hear What
She Said To Me?

"Theo, I Really
Appreciate Your Help."

So?

So?!

That's What She Said,
But What She Meant Was

"Theo, Welcome To My Life."

Hi, Mommy, We're Back.

Do You See
What You're Doing?

What?

You're Making Puddles.

Please Leave Your Boots
By The Door.

Okay.

Have Fun Sledding?

Yes. Daddy Got On, Too.

He Did?

Are You
All Right?

No.

You're Making Puddles.

Oh, I'm Sorry.

Come Here.

Go Downstairs And Take
Those Wet Things Off.

Okay.

I "Zrbtt" You.

"Zrbtt" Mommy.

I "Zrbtt" You.

Thanks. Go Change And
Come Have Some Hot Cocoa.

With Lots Of Marshmallows?

Lots.

With A Candy Bar?

No.

Okay.

What Happened?

I'm Old.

I Watched The Children

And I Stood There
Like A Father, Smiling.

The Kids Were Going Down
The Hill On Their Sleds.

All Of A Sudden
I Started To Remember

When I Was A Kid

How I Used To Run
With The Sled In My Hand

And Keep It From Banging
This One Knee.

You Have To Run That Way.

So I
Said

"Honey, Can Dad
Do One One Time?"

She Said,
"Dad, You Don't Know... "

I Said,
"When I Was A Kid... "

Then All These Kids
Stood Around Me

Acting Like I Didn't
Know What I Was Doing.

So Then, Of Course,
I Really Decided To Show Them.

So I Got Back About Ten Feet

And I Ran With
The Thing Beside Me.

I Started Going,
And I Was Running Real Fast.

And Then I Put It Down
And I Hit The Sled.

And, Um...

Well, My Stomach Is Much
Bigger Than It Used To Be.

I Knocked The Wind
Out Of Myself

And The Sled Went That Way.

All I Remember...

I Woke Up

And The Little Children Had
Built Snow All Around Me.

Cliff, I Think You
Deserve Extra Marshmallows.

Oh, Thank You.

I'd Like It In My Tea.

You Want Tea?

Yes, Please.

With A Candy Bar?

No.

But If You Go Lie Down

I'll Bring You Tea
And Give You A Rubdown.

Yeah?

Mm-Hmm.

Just Tell Me

Where
It Hurts.

Missed Us!
Got You Last!

Hey, Dad.

Hello,
Dr. Huxtable.

Do You Know How Much Damage

A Snowball Can Do To A Window?

It's Their Fault.

You Didn't Throw At Them First?

Just In Self-Defense.

Oh, No.

What?

I Dropped The
Shakespeare Record.

You've Got To Go Get It.

Hey, Hey.
Get Down.

Stay Away From The Window.

You Go Man The Door.

Go Ahead.

All Right...
Hit It.

Aaaggghh!

We Need That Record
To Study For The Test.

Dad, They Won't
Throw At You.

Please,
Dr. Huxtable.

Step Out Of The Way.

This Is Dr. Huxtable!

I Delivered Some Of You!

I'm A Parent And A Taxpayer

And I'm Probably The Only Adult
Who Will Sue Little Children!

All Right.
Thanks, Dad.

Here You Go.

Cliff, Where Are You Going?

A Man's Got To Do
What He's Got To Do.

When Are You Coming Back?

Cliff?

Yeah.

We Better Get Ready.

One More Game
Of Tackle Hoops.

We Have To Listen
To "Macbeth."

You Going To
Ask Theresa Out?

Thinking About It.

If It Doesn't Work,
Point Her Toward A Real Man.

Do You Know Any?

Maybe We Could Double Date-
You, Theresa, Me And Denise.

Denise Huxtable?

Yeah. Your Sister
Is A Major Burger.

Get Out Of Here.

I'm Talking

Double, Supreme-Deluxe Burger,
With Fries On The Side.

You're Out Of Your Mind.

Come On.
We've Got To Get Started.

What's Your Rush?
Loosen Up A Little.

One More Game,
Then We'll Study.

You're On.

Cliff, You Were
Magnificent.

When Those Turkeys
Saw I Meant Business

They Headed For The Hills.

I Didn't Even
Throw One Snowball.

I Did See You Throw One

At That Child
You Hit In The Back.

I Wanted To See
If I Still Had It.

What's Going On
Upstairs?

Oh, You Know What That Is?

Cockr... Walter
Came Home With Theo.

Why Do They Have To
Tear The House Down?

Because They're Boys, Dear.

Teenage
Boys.

You Don't Understand.

Fifteen-Year-Old
Boys Get Together

And The First Thing They Do

Is They Start To
Talk About Girls.

Then That Gets Them All Excited.

Then They Don't Know
What To Do With Each Other

So They Start Throwing Each
Other Up Against The Wall.

Dad, You Moved The Basket.

Really?

Aren't You Supposed
To Be Studying?

We're Taking A Break.

So You Have Been Studying?

No, We Thought
We'd Break First.

Let Me Explain To You
How This House Was Built.

There's Only About Six Inches Of
Wood And Plaster Between You...

And A Twelve-Foot
Drop To The Living Room.

You Are Less Likely To Fall
If You Are Studying.

Right, Dad.

Got You,
Dr. Huxtable.

By The Way

The Front Of The Huxtable House
Is Now Free Of Desperados.

Come On, We Better
Get Started.

Yeah, Put On
The First Record.

Okay.

"The Tragedy Of Macbeth,"
By William Shakespeare.

Act One, Scene One.
Scotland.

Enter Three Witches.

When Shall We Three Meet Again?

In Thunder, Lightning,
Or In Rain?

When The Hurly-Burly's Done,
When The Battle's Lost And Won.

That Will Be Ere
The Set Of Sun.

Where's The Place?

Upon The Heath.

There To Meet
With Macbeth.

I Come, Graymalkin!

Paddock Calls.

Anon!

Fair Is Foul, And Foul Is Fair.

Hover Through The Fog
And Filthy Air!

Exeunt.

What Was That?

Are They Speaking English?

What's A "Graymalkin?"

I Don't Know.

What's A "Hurly-Burly?!"

I Don't Know!

We Better Skip
To The Middle.

They Won't Ask Us About
The Beginning, Anyway.

If It Were Done When 'Tis Done

Then 'Twere Well
It Were Done Quickly.

If The Assassination Could
Trammel Up The Consequence

And Catch, With His Surcease,
Success

That But This Blow Might Be
The Be-All And The End-All Here

But Here, Upon This Bank
And Shoal Of Time

We'd Jump The Life To Come.

Cockroach?

Yeah?

We're In Deep Trouble.

That's Amazing!

I Couldn't Have Said That.

I Don't Know,
But I Wouldn't Have Said That.

Vanessa, Get Off The Phone.

This Is
An Emergency.

Hold On, Janet.

What's
The Emergency?

We're Calling The New York
Shakespeare Company.

Why?

We Have To See
"Macbeth" Tonight.

Janet, Can I Call You Back?

Yeah.

What's Going On?

We Were Listening To
The Record Of "Macbeth"

But We Don't Understand It.

If We Could See
What The Actors Were Doing

We'd Understand.

Is This For A Test?

Yeah, It's Tomorrow.

Did You Read It?

No.

Why Not?

Vanessa, I Really Don't Need
Your Criticism Right Now.

Fine.

I'm Coming Back For The
Phone In Five Minutes.

Here It Is.

Great. What's
The Number?

- .

Hurry Up!

Okay, Okay.
It's Ringing.

Hello?
Are You Doing "Macbeth" Tonight?

You're Not.

"The Taming Of The Shrew"?

Is It Anything Like "Macbeth"?

Oh.

Do You Know Of Any Place

Where They're Doing
"Macbeth" Tonight?

Are You Sure?

Okay, Thanks.

We're Sunk.

Hi.

Hi, Denise.

Hi, Cockroach.

Wait A Minute.

Denise, You Studied
"Macbeth," Right?

Sure.

You Read It?

Yeah.

Tell Us About It.

What Happens?

Didn't You
Read The Play?

Why Is Everybody
Criticizing Me?!

Please, Just Tell Me
What Happened.

Take It Easy.

Macbeth Is A Soldier.

He Wants To Be King.

He And His Wife
Decide To k*ll The King

And He Does.

And Then The King's...

The King's Son Comes
Back With His Friends

And Right Before
Macbeth Gets It

He Talks About How
Life's Meaningless

Because We're All Going
To Die Anyway.

Got It.

I Really Like
Your Hair That Way.

Tell Us All About
The Symbolism.

If You Knew
You'd Be Tested

Why Didn't You
Read It?

It's Impossible
To Understand.

You Know What You Need?

What?

Cleland Notes.

What's That?

They're Study Guides
For Shakespeare Plays

That Tell You What's Happening
And What The Symbolism Is.

So While You Read The Play,
It Explains Everything.

If You Have The Cleland Notes

Why Read
The Play?

You Should.

Where Do
We Get Them?

At Renner's
Bookstore

Near Brooklyn College.

Ooh, Cockroach.

I'll Bet Some Great
Burgers Hang Out There.

Yeah!
College Burgers.

What's A "Burger"?

A Good-Looking Girl.

You Call Them "Burgers"?!

Yeah.

A Burger's A Piece Of Meat.

We Don't Mean It That Way.

I Don't Care.

That's One Of The Most
Sexist, Degrading Remarks

I Have Ever Heard.

You Don't
Call A Woman

A "Burger" Or
Any Other Object.

We're
People.

What If I Were To Call You
A "Clydesdale"?

Look At That Clydesdale!

He's A Twelve-Wagon Puller!

Are You Finished
With The Phone?

Do You Know What These Guys
Call A Good-Looking Girl?

You Mean "Burgers"?

You Know?

Yeah.
It's Kind Of Cute.

You Should Be Insulted.

A Burger Is A Piece Of Meat.

I Never Thought
About It That Way.

You Guys

Are Disgusting!

We're
Sorry.

We Won't
Do It Again.

Wait,
Denise!

How Do We Get To
Renner's Bookstore?

If You Want
To Know

Find Another Burger,
Clydesdale.

These Cleland Notes
Are Great.

"Macbeth" Summarized
In Twelve Pages.

I'm Finished Reading
The Play Already.

Me, Too.

We're Done,
And It's Only : .

We Should Thank These People.

Yeah.

We'll Ace This Test

And Get B's
For The Semester.

"Also Available
In Cleland Notes:

'Julius Caesar.'"

We're Reading That
Next Year.

All Right, Cleland!

They Also Have
"The History Of America"

"The History Of Civilization"

Chemistry, Physics-
Everything.

Let's Buy The Whole Set.

We Can Get Through College
In One Year.

I Wasn't Even Thinking
Of Higher Education

Till I Found This.

We Could Major In Everything.

I'm Going Home
To Watch Tv.

I'll Go Downstairs
And Watch It.

Hey, Mom.

Good Night,
Mrs. Huxtable.

Finished Studying?

Yup.
Can I Watch Tv?

Ready For Your Test?

Definitely.

See You, Theo.

See You,
Cockroach.

Walter,
What's This?

What?

This.

Cleland
Notes.

Helped Us
Study.

Oh.

Well, I'm Off
To The Hospital.

Hey,
Dad.

How You Doing?

Remember This?
Cleland Notes.

Cleland Notes!

Sure I Remember.

Kids In Our School
Would Read This

When They Didn't Want
To Read The Assignment.

But They Weren't
As Prepared For The Test

As They Thought They Were.

None Of Our Children
Would Do That.

Never!

Never.

None Of Their Friends
Would Do That.

Of Course Not.

If You Read Only
The Cleland Notes

You'd Know Character Names
And Main Events

But You'd Miss Some
Very Subtle Points

Like What Lady Macbeth Meant
When She Said:

"Screw Your Courage
To The Sticking Place

And We'll Not Fail!"

You Know What Took Place
After She Said That.

Yes, Indeed!
It Did Happen Then.

Mm-Hmm.

Well, I Certainly Am Glad

That I Did Not Graduate From
The Cleland School Of Medicine.

And I'm Sure
That My Patients

And My Insurance Company
Are Happy

That I Did Not Graduate From
The Cleland School Of Medicine.

I Will See You All Later.

See You,
Dad.

Bye-Bye.

Not A Fit Night
For Man Nor Beast

But I'm Going To
Deliver These Babies.

All Right,
You Asked For It!

Now You're Going To Get It,
You Little Weasels!

Good Old
Cleland Notes.

Here You Go.

Well, As Someone
Once Said:

"Tomorrow And Tomorrow
And Tomorrow

Creeps At This Petty Pace
From Day To Day."

Was That
From "Macbeth"?

It Couldn't
Have Been.

It Wasn't In
The Cleland Notes.

Are You Worried

About
The Test?

No. Are You Worried?

No.

Think
We Should

Read The Play?

No.

Aaaggghhh!

Cliff, This Is Where
We Should Go Tonight.

"El Rio De La Plata
Restaurante."

El Rio De La Plata Restaurante.

Yes.

"Taste Of Argentina

"Nestled In The Heart
Of Greenwich Village.

Authentic Nouvelle-Style
South American Cuisine."

El Rio De La Plata Restaurante.

They Have Strolling Guitarists.

El Rio De La Plata Restaurante.

Stop It!

Hi.

Hi. How Was School?

Good.

And The Test?

Not Bad.
I Think I Did Okay.

Really?

Yeah.

I Was Worried When I Heard
You And Dad Last Night

But Half The Questions
Were Covered By Cleland Notes.

And The Other Half?

I Recognized Some Names.

I Think My Answers
Made Good Sense.

How Did Walter Do?

He Was Smiling Afterwards.

So You Just Got By?

Better Than That.
Probably A "C."

So You Must Be Happy.

Yeah!

I Did Pretty Well

Considering I Didn't
Read The Play.

You Ever Plan To Read It?

That Test Is History.

You Haven't
Taken

Your Last Test On "Macbeth."

I Haven't?

You'll Read "Macbeth"

And You Won't Do Anything
Until You Do.

And Then You'll
Take Another Test

Given By Me.

Are You Serious?!

Dad?

She's Serious.

I Am Very Serious.

The Test Will Be All Essay

Covering Acts One Through Five
And Footnotes

And There Will Not Be
One Question From Cleland Notes.

But I Have A Date With
This New Girl At School.

You Better Get Started Then.

Okay.

And I Know That
Shakespeare's Language

Can Be Very Difficult
To Understand

So If You Want To
Discuss Anything

Feel Free.

I'll Be In My Room... Forever.

I Like Your Style.

I Haven't Read "Macbeth"
In Years.

I Only Remember Some Passages.

You Better Start Reading Then.

Come On, Cliff.
I Need Your Help.

No.

Please?!

You Only Have To Read
The First Two Acts.

I'll Read The Last Three.

Whenever I Used To Read It-

"Thou Goest... "

I'd Spit On Myself.

Cliff, Please?

We Could Snuggle Up
Under The Covers

And Read "Macbeth"

And It Could
Take All Night.

Really?

And I'll Be
Lady Macbeth.

And I'll Be
The Big Bad Wolf.

There Is No Big Bad Wolf In "Macbeth."

There Will Be
When I Read It.