03x08 - I'm Disappointed in You

[bunniefuu]

[TOHRU]

Kyo, wait!

Um...

[TOHRU]

It's just...

There's something I'd

like to tell you if I can.

--[TOHRU] Kyo, I--

--[KYO] Me first.

[KYO]

There's something that I've been

wanting to ask

you for a while now.

If I've got the wrong idea,

you can laugh at me.

Call me an idiot if you want.

Tohru.

I need to know.

Do you love me?

[gasps]

[MOMIJI]

I mean,

you know, right?

[KYO]

Are you stupid?

sh*t, I can't believe

my hunch was right.

Of all people, why me?

[KYO]

Your mom--

she was the person you

loved most in the world.

What was that? A lie?

Or did it just disappear?

[KYO]

I can't do this.

[KYO]

It was foolish.

Wishing to stay with her.

f I'd known this is

how it would turn out,

I would never

have wished for that.

How'd things get so screwed up?

It's not fair.

[TOHRU]

Kyo, wait!

[KYO] I don't wanna say it.

I don't want her to know.

I don't wanna admit it.

But... this just isn't fair.

Please listen to me!

I just want--

[KYO]

You don't know anything!

Not what I did,

or what I failed to do!

[KYO] You love me...

and I pity you for it.

So much.

So ridiculously much.

[KYO]

I'm sorry.

[KYO]

I'm sorry.

[KYO] She could've lived,

but she didn't, 'cause of me.

Your mom would've

lived if I'd helped.

I never told you, but,

your mom... I knew her.

And that day...

The day of the accident,

I was standing right there

and I recognized her.

Her hair color. Her face.

They were just like

they were when we met.

I was a kid.

Master had only

just taken me in.

Back then I was still

too self-conscious

to go straight home

to the dojo after school,

so I'd just wander around.

[KYOKO]

What's your deal, kid?

You're way too young

to go around dying your

hair different colors.

Wait, hold on, is that natural?

Jeez! What's your deal?

Just leave me alone! Ya say

anything else and I'll k*ll ya!

Oh, wow. You're a total

brat, aren't you?

That's so darn cute!

[KYO] Hey! Who do ya think

you're callin' cute? Old hag!

[KYOKO chuckles]

Listen to the mouth on you.

Insulting a random stranger.

Stinkin' adorable.

You're gonna get kidnapped

if you don't stop being so cute.

Better go home.

Your mom'll be worried.

I don't have one,

okay? She d*ed!

And your dad?

I don't need him

either. The jerk!

I wish he'd die.

He wants me dead, too!

[KYOKO grunts]

[KYO gasps]

[KYOKO]

Wow. Sounds lonely.

[KYO grunts]

Hey, weird lady. Your hair real?

Well, weird lady's a bit rude.

Why don't you call me Kyoko?

The name's Kyoko Honda.

[KYO]

What? Her name's like mine.

[KYOKO]

So what do they call you?

Not telling.

[KYOKO]

All right.

I guess I'll just have

to call you Squirt, then.

[KYO] We kept talking.

She told me she worked nearby.

[KYOKO]

Come by again sometime, Squirt.

[KYO]

We met a bunch after that.

Kyoko Honda told me

about lots of stuff.

About herself,

about Katsuya Honda,

and about Tohru.

[KYO] I wondered what the

daughter of someone like her

would be like.

Today I'm gonna show

you something special.

This girl is my treasure.

Tohru!

[KYO] I wondered what her

laugh would sound like.

[KYOKO gasps]

Oh, Squirt.

Tohru... she must be lost.

She hasn't come home.

I looked for her,

but I can't find her.

I can't find her anywhere!

She's gone!

[KYO]

Get it together!

Because I'm gonna

find her for you! I swear!

You wait at home. I'll help her.

I'll protect her for sure!

And that's a man's promise!

[KYOKO sniffs]

[KYOKO]

A man's promise.

[KYO panting]

[KYO]

Why?

Why couldn't I keep it?

[KYOKO] Squirt!

Thank goodness I found you!

You were still

searching for her, huh?

Tohru is safe and sound!

Someone helped her get home.

I'm sorry.

You looked for so long.

That hat...

Where'd it come from?

Oh, this thing?

Tohru says the kid who

helped her was wearing it.

You recognize it?

[gasps]

[KYO]

I did.

I'd picked it out for myself.

Master bought it for me, and

it ended up with him instead.

[KYO]

Yeah.

Yeah, it was mine,

but it's not anymore.

Not if he's touched it.

That guy... He sucks.

He has everything.

People who care about him.

So why does he have to go

and take stuff from me?

This boy helped Tohru

come home safe.

[KYO]

I don't care! He still sucks!

He's not a good person!

I was gonna do it.

Protect her for you.

[KYO] What a jerk. He was

already born luckier than me.

Why can't he at

least let me have this?

[KYOKO] The bad guy--

that's what you wanna see.

[KYO gasps]

[KYOKO] 'Cause if he's not

as awful as you think,

who do you have left to hate?

[KYO gasps]

Are you kidding?!

You're on his side, too?!

You're saying it's all my fault?

No, I'm not.

It's pointless, you know?

Labeling good and

bad. Taking sides.

Don't live your life

worrying about that stuff.

You understand me?

Really. It would be a waste

of a good, kind boy like you.

[gasps]

That's just stupid!

And you, you're a traitor!

I've had it! I'm done

with you and her, too!

[KYOKO] Hey, Squirt!

I'm holding you to it.

Your promise.

[KYO grunts]

[KYO]

I never went back.

I was lonely because

I felt betrayed,

ashamed because I couldn't help,

and stung because it felt

like he'd stolen something.

Basically, I was sulking,

so I avoided seeing her again.

But then,

one day, there she was.

I was trying to decide whether

to say something when I saw it:

A car... coming toward us,

out of control.

I thought, "Oh, sh*t,

I have to help her."

If I grabbed her arm and

pulled her back against me...

But then I remembered

I'm not human.

[KYO] If I caught her

in my arms, I'd transform

and people would

find out what I am.

[KYO]

So instead, I let her die.

If I had just pulled her back,

then she wouldn't

have gone flying.

She wouldn't have

felt all that pain.

I know she'd still be alive.

But I didn't.

I weighed her

life against mine...

[KYO]

...and I chose me.

[KYO] I protected my secret

at the cost of someone's life.

Even though...

I hate myself so much.

So intensely, so completely.

I wish I'd just go away.

Disappear for good.

And yet, in the end,

I always protect myself.

Instead of taking

responsibility, I run away.

Every damn time.

Like now.

[KYO] I'm too scared

to even look at your face.

[KYO] My mom.

She was sent flying, too.

That's how she d*ed.

Only it wasn't an accident.

She said she felt guilty

for giving birth to me.

That she pitied me too

much to be around me.

She was sobbing uncontrollably.

And the next day... she d*ed.

[FUNERAL ATTENDEE A] An

accident?

[FUNERAL ATTENDEE B] I thought

there was a su1c1de note.

[FUNERAL ATTENDEE C]

People heard her fighting with

her husband the

night before, too.

[KYO'S FATHER]

It's your fault!

Kyo, you drove your mom

to do what she did.

She's dead because of you!

Just shut up!

No! This isn't my fault!

You don't understand!

No! No! No!

[KYO] Who do you

think you're convincing?

Just admit it.

You know the truth,

and that's why

you've been running.

Admit it, fool.

It's my fault.

Everything's my fault.

Their lives... I stole them.

It's true.

[KYO]

They both d*ed because of me.

[AKITO panting]

[KYO]

Honestly, I almost cried...

...hearing her say that.

[KYOKO]

Sounds lonely.

[KYO] Because even

if I didn't understand

exactly what she meant,

I felt forgiven.

Forgiven for existing

by a total stranger.

[KYO] That probably isn't

what she intended, but still...

[KYO]

Today I met someone weird.

Huh? Weird?

Oh, um, I mean, not in

a bad way or anything,

but different, you know?

It's not like we're

friends. We just talked.

She said to come back sometime.

[KAZUMA chuckles]

Well, in that case,

you'd better go back sometime.

[KYO] I thought Master was

the only person in the world

who would actually

want me around.

My mom was always

consumed by her fear.

My dad had nothing

but hatred for me.

The Somas looked

at me with contempt.

I was so used to being rejected,

she was like a ray of light...

...of hope.

[KYO]

And then there was Tohru.

I wanted to meet her, too.

Even so, I only actually

went to see her that one time.

I watched her sitting

alone in that room,

and I didn't like how

lonely she looked.

I wanted both of

them to be happy.

I wanted their days

to be good ones.

I wanted to erase that

loneliness.

Childish thoughts,

but they got trapped in my mind,

and I found myself thinking,

"Are they lonely today?

Are they smiling today?"

It was like something

bloomed in my chest

and the worry wouldn't go away.

[KYO] So that day,

for the first time,

I made the conscious

decision to visit...

...not that it ended well.

And when I saw her again,

that ending was much worse.

She said she

wouldn't forgive me.

She was lying there

in a pool of blood.

She noticed me

standing nearby and said,

"I won't forgive you."

At least that's

what it sounded like.

And then... I just

stood there, frozen.

[PEDESTRIANS chattering]

[KYO]

My mind went blank.

I couldn't think.

Couldn't understand.

Get help! An ambulance! Quickly!

[KYO] Then something

snapped... and I ran.

[KAZUMA]

Kyo, what happened?

[KYO] After that, Master took me

away to live in the mountains.

[KYO]

I'd fallen into the dark...

...and I stayed there, trapped.

Master tried to

get me to keep living,

but I was so lost.

I couldn't forgive

myself for what I'd done.

[KYO]

It felt like I deserved to die

and the only way to keep

going was to tell myself,

"It's not my fault."

Yuki's fault. That's what it is.

He's the reason things

turned out like this.

That Rat stole all my hope.

I made it Yuki's fault 'cause...

...it couldn't be mine.

I created a "bad guy" in my mind

and made him take

responsibility for everything.

It wasn't logical.

It didn't need to be.

I just needed him

to be the bad guy.

As long as I could make

anything inconvenient his fault,

I could pretend to

forget what had happened.

As long as I could

just keep hating him.

[KYO]

I focused on that--my hate--

and used it to erase my memory

of the day your mom d*ed...

...because of me.

[KYO]

I still can't believe

I managed to keep it

buried all this time.

[KYO] The other day,

I saw that hat in your room,

and it came flooding back.

The memory I'd

conveniently repressed.

The guilt I'd shifted

on to somebody else.

Figures. My whole life,

saving my own skin's

been the one thing

I was ever any good at.

Awful, right?

Anyway, when I "got better,"

I decided to leave the mountains

and use hatred to keep me alive.

Master just gave me a sad smile.

My dad had told Akito

I dropped off the map,

so I was summoned to the main

estate when I showed back up.

Akito scolded me.

We argued,

and then we made a bet.

Before you graduate

from high school,

prove you can defeat Yuki.

Win, and I'll stop

calling you a monster.

I'll even welcome you

as a true zodiac member.

[KYO] Maybe I was secretly

happy to hear that.

Not because I wanted to be

welcomed into the zodiac,

but because it fueled my hate.

So I went straight to find Yuki.

Of course, I never imagined

I'd run into you, too.

Now, Kyo, this young

lady is Tohru Honda.

[KYO gasps]

[KYO]

No.

What is she doing here?

[KYO] Knowing that,

can you forgive me?

The guy who ran away?

Who always runs away?

Who never said anything?

Who pretended he didn't realize?

I was so angry and scared.

I didn't mean to

get so close to her.

[KYO]

I didn't mean to fall in love...

[KYO]

And yet...

[KYO]

How?

I can't forgive me.

[KYOKO]

I won't forgive you.

Your mom was right to say that.

And I don't want you

to forgive me, either.

Not now.

[TOHRU]

I won't.

[TOHRU]

Is that what you wanna hear?

What I have to say?

Either I forgive

you or I don't--

is that what it comes down to?

Are those choices the

only ones I have left?

I can't believe she'd

really tell you that.

It doesn't sound

like her... not at all.

[TOHRU]

I can't believe it, but...

...if you're right,

if you didn't mishear

and that's truly what

she said to you, then...

Then...

I know my choice.

The only one I can make

is to go against Mom!

Kyo, please, isn't there any way

I can get you to see the truth?

To accept the fact

that I love you,

and nothing you say

will change that?!

[KYO gasps]

[TOHRU whimpers]

[KYO]

I'm... disappointed in you.

[KYO]

You won't disappoint me.

[gasps] Kyo, wait!

Kyo! Come back!

Miss Honda.

Miss Honda, you should go in.

Dry off or you'll

catch cold, okay?

I'll be back.

That idiot!

[KYO]

Pathetic.

I was completely selfish.

I confessed my own sins,

said everything

I wanted to say...

[KYO] ...and trampled

all over your feelings.

Then I ran

even though I know that

sometimes in this world

you don't get the

chance to see someone again,

to say you're sorry.

[KYO]

I know that.

[KYO] But if I'm just

going to repeat history,

then how's that any different

than knowing nothing at all?

[TOHRU]

"Tell me... What's your name?"