02x07 - Fami-Lay-Lay-Reunion

[bunniefuu]

[Lay Lay] Okay, I know I came
from a phone,

but even I know a toothbrush is
for cleaning teeth, not walls.

I mean, what's next,
flossing the floorboards,

mouth washing the dishes,
tongue-scraping the toilets?

Don't give my dad any ideas.

He wants the house to be spotless
for the family reunion.

Wait a minute.

Is that my toothbrush?

Don't worry. I'll put it back.

Anyway, what's a family reunion?

Oh, a family reunion brings together

all the people who are more like you

than anyone else in the world,

the ones that make you feel
like you belong no matter what, you know?

Actually, no, I don't.

The only people like me are the avatars
from your other apps, oh,

like that GPS lady with the snooty voice.

Don't tell me where to turn, Ms. Lady.

Hey, my family will be here any minute.
And nothing's been set up like I asked.

Well, you know what I say, Mr. A.

If you want something done right,
do it yourself.

Heh, you're not getting out
of cleaning, Lay Lay.

Besides, I have
the most important job of all,

putting last year's family reunion photo

front and center.

[laughs] More like left
than front and center.

Oh, um, now it's too far to the right...

It's fine.

[Lay Lay] It looks good, Mr. A.

But it's missing one thing.

Ooh, a quick dusting.

Good eye, Lay Lay.

My mama always says
a dusty house is a crusty house.

And we shall not be crusty.

Okay, but no, it's missing me.

I can't wait to add
a little Lay Lay slay-slay

to this year's photo.

Uh, usually the photo
is just the Alexander family.

Oh.

Boom.

Trish "Grocery Bag Biceps"
Alexander is back.

Did all the shopping, and I got a workout.

Why is the photo off-center?

[both] Told you.

It's fine.

Mrs. A., how did you get out of cleaning,

and why didn't you invite me?

I did, but you said, "Sorry, y'all.

I only shop for shoes, clothes,
and bling-bling."

Remember?

No, but that does sound like me.

So while you were cleaning,
I was at the market,

prepping for the big day.

I get to help cook the family dinner.

What do you think about that?

I think you are real excited for something
that sounds like a chore.

Trust me, Lay Lay, this is huge.

This means Grandma Flo finally thinks
I'm mature enough to help cook.

I remember the first time Flo let me help.

I'd been married to Bryce for six years.

She just wanted to make sure
you were sticking around.

Ooh, pretzels.

Ah-ah, those are not for eating.

Those are for the annual
Alexander card game.

Honey, why do you subject yourself
to that humiliation?

Every year, you lose,
and you've got to wash all the dishes.

I just want my dad to respect my skills,

so I've been watching videos.

My card game is up,
and my family's going down.

Ooh, I love when you get ruthless.

-Lay Lay, let's go set the table.
-All right.

What's the big deal
about a family reunion anyway?

Sounds like it's just people
coming over for dinner.

But y'all are acting like
Beyoncé is dropping an album.

It's not just people.

A family reunion is about getting together

with your extended family.

Once a year, we all get together
to eat, take photos,

and get your boogie-oogie on.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you like it.

You like it. You like it.
You like it. You like it.

No, one, and two,
never, ever say "boogie-oogie,"

and don't do that.

Boogie-oogie. You're not the boss of me.

Okay.

Look, everyone's so excited
for this family reunion

because sometimes you only see
these family members

but once a year, so it's really special.

We all have our own little inside jokes,

and my dad gets to hang out
with his parents

and see his brother.

Who wants to hang out with their brother?

Marky's at Entrepreneur's Camp
this weekend,

and you are thrilled he's away.

Well, that's because he lives here.

Once he moves away,
I'll be happy to see him

once a year for / hours.

♪ I'm Sadie's affirmation app ♪

♪ And so no matter
What happens, I got her back ♪

♪ 'Cause see my homey Sadie
Wished on a star ♪

♪ She said, "I wish you were real" ♪

♪ Now I'm as real as you are ♪

♪ And now who's coming out the app? ♪

[chorus] ♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

[Lay Lay] ♪ Whose avatar power
Is to freeze? ♪

[chorus] ♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

[Lay Lay] ♪ All day, all day,
It's your girl ♪

[chorus] ♪ That girl, that girl,
That girl Lay Lay ♪

[doorbell rings]

Mom, Dad, you're here.

Ahh, look at that good-looking family.

Y'all get it from me.

Trish, what a beautiful hairdo.

Aw, thank you, Mama Flo.

So glad you let the Donna Summer go.

[laughs]

Hi, Grandma.

Oh, there's my grandbaby,

the one who wasn't too busy
for a family reunion.

And here's a tiny little tender
I don't quite remember.

Oh, Mom and Dad,
this is Sadie's friend Lay Lay.

She's an exchange student from Houston.

Excuse me. Excuse me.
-pound turkey coming through.

Actually, .

I got hungry in the car.
Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom.

[laughs]

Uh, who's the comedy team with the turkey?

Those are my parents.

They have been acting like that
the entire drive.

That was my Uncle Luke and Auntie Emily.

Oh, and this is my cousin Gabe.

How you doing, Gabe?

I'm good, but it's cold in Cleveland.

Guess I'll stand in the corner...

[both] Where it's always degrees.

All right, all the Alexanders are here.

It's time, Pops.

Oh, time to eat?

No, baby. This is an Alexander thing.

-You wouldn't understand.
-Oh, okay.

You know how it goes.

♪ O-H... ♪

[all] ♪ I-O ♪

♪ Fam's here ♪

[all] ♪ You know ♪

[laughter]

Hey, y'all, my name's Ray Ray.

And I'm all about this place.

Hey, that's the exact same thing I say

when I walk into places.

Everybody, this is my friend.

He's an exchange student from Dallas.

You're an exchange student?

So am I.

Hey, I'm Ray Ray.

Hey, I'm Lay Lay.

No way-way. That's cray-cray.

Ahh!

Oy vey-vey.

[laughs] Okay,
time to cook the family dinner.

Sadie, you ready?

I was born ready.

Actually, I was three weeks late,
but I'm ready for this.

Don't worry, Sadie. You got this.

Hey, that's my line.

Why did you freeze time?

Doesn't this positively cool kid
remind you

of someone you know?

Chance the Rapper?

Are you not seeing this?

Lay Lay, Ray Ray, Houston, Dallas.

He's got bling. I've got bling.

You're both very extra.

What's your point?

Sadie, he's just like me.

He's an avatar from the phone.

I thought I was all by myself.

I may not be an Alexander,

but maybe I do have a family.

An avatar from the phone?

I'm sorry, but Ray Ray is not a Lay Lay.

Yeah, well we gonna find out
today-day, okay-kay?

Thanks for letting me help today, Grandma.

I am so excited
to finally learn how to cook

from a real cook.

Ahem!

Trish, you need some water, baby?

Nope.

Just a little loyalty from my firstborn.

You want loyalty, or you want honesty?

I can give you one but not both.

Now, Sadie, since you're old enough

to finally help out in the kitchen,

I figured you're old enough
to be trusted with these.

[gasps] Are those
Great Gram Gram Susie's earrings?

They sure are.
She wore them every time she cooked.

And the first time I helped
in the kitchen,

she passed them down to me.

And now I pass them to you,
my sweet grandbaby.

Oh, I am so honored.

Thank you, Grandma Flo.

How do I look?

Like a woman ready to cook.

[both] Bars!

Okay, so I was thinking for an appetizer,

we could try prune
and pepper jack potatoes.

Ooh, child, let's hope Sadie
got the Alexander cooking gene.

Because your side can't burn for nothing.

Oh, I can burn, Mama Flo.

Mm-hmm, burn toast.

[both laugh]

[clears throat]

Wow, they have a pet pig?

Awesome.

Oh, I've always wanted
to ride a pet pig to Alaska.

Bacon, you up for it?

[pig oinks]

That's a no.

Holy tech yourself
before you wreck yourself.

That's a Sock-It-To-Me- .

Hey, Ray Ray, let me show you
how it works.

Bacon, Sadie thinks I'm crazy,

and she might be right.

I am talking to a pig.

But I know for sure that Ray Ray
is an avatar from a phone.

[pig oinking]

Yes, I do have a plan to prove it.

I'm gonna get Ray Ray to hold his breath,

because then it will activate
his powers of invisibility.

I'll give you this licorice

because then it will give you
really bad gas.

Yes, there you go,

my little tinkie-winkie-stinkie.

Ooh, it's gonna be nasty. [laughs]

Wait.

It will make me hold my breath
and turn invisible too.

Everybody out.

Bacon's gonna reverse oink. Go, go, go!

What's a reverse oink?

You want to ask questions,
or you want to gag and die?

Go!

[pig farting]

Oh, Bacon, why?

Chef Sadie, be a dear and walk us
through today's menu.

Yes, ma'am.

[French accent]
Today we have a five-course, five-star,

guaranteed to make you gain
five pounds family dinner.

Oh-ho-ho-ho.

And we will start with the mac and cheese.

[French accent]
Guaranteed to make you say please.

Check.

And we'll make collard greens so mean...

You'll have to unbuckle your jeans.

Checkity-check.

And then we'll finish with potato salad,

hold the raisins.

'Cause, baby, we ain't Caucasian.

Ha-ha, checkity-check...

check.

[laughter]

Oh, Mama Flo,
I just got the best cookbook.

It's by Chef Raw. Let me grab it.

Oh, no, no, baby.

We don't use recipes.

No recipes?

How will we know the measurements
for the ingredients?

You just pour until
the ancestors say stop.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I love recipes, but, you know,
the ancestors.

Yeah, I bet these ancestors had diabetes.

Hey, hey, Grandma, um,

don't these earrings look great on me?

Yes, baby.

And they're gonna shine
at today's family photo.

Oh, I love that tradition.

Maybe I could get my own pair too.

Maybe not.

Now, for our mac and cheese,

first I need the condensed sweet milk.

Oh, I prefer nonfat cottage cheese.

Say what now?

You're making it really hard

to be on your side right now, Mom.

Well, it's just as creamy,
twice as healthy.

Oh, yes, because that's
what soul food is all about, health.

Lady and gentlemen,

it is time for our annual card game
to commence.

Good luck, everyone.

You're going to need it.

Can't stand the idea
of being up against my

Lovey Lukey Baby Bookey.

Oh, that's her nickname for me.

Yeah, we got it.

Well, my nickname for her
is Em-mmm-mmm-mmm-ily.

Oh, thanks, babe. Up top.

Whoever loses has to wash
the dishes after dinner

by themselves, Bryce.

Hey, what are you all looking at?
Who says I'll lose?

Uh, every family reunion
since I was seven.

Son, you want to know
why you're not good at cards?

Because you giggle every time you bluff.

I do not.

[giggling]

That's all I needed to hear.

Read 'em and weep.

[groans]

[giggles]

I don't sound like that.

Sure you don't.

[all giggling]

I hate to brag, but we did that.

We did all of that and then some.

Uh, ladies, be humble.

Who and I kidding? We cheffed it down.

Oh, Sadie, I am so proud of you.

You really stepped up
for this new chapter.

It was easy learning from the best.

-Ahem!
-And the other best.

Now, let's let this food set
for minutes to give me time

to fix my face for the photo.

Oh, Trish, you want me to fix yours too?

[both laugh]

She gets on my nerves.

In a good way?

[laughs]

Sadie, you did so great today.

Thanks, Mom.

It was all in the earrings.

Wait, where's your left earring?

Uh-oh.

One of Great Gram Gram's
earrings is missing.

Okay, don't panic.

We'll find it.

This is okay. This is okay.

This is not okay!

The family photo is in minutes.

And if we don't find it before then,
Grandma Flo is gonna flip her wig.

And there's nothing scarier
than a Black grandma

with her wig flipped.

Well, it has to be here somewhere.

We never stepped foot
outside of this kitchen.

Sweet James Brown.

It's in the food.

There's only one thing to do.

Trish "Dig Deep" Alexander to the rescue.

[gasps]

Don't just stand there. Dig.

I said dig!

Are you sure you don't want
a pair of goggles?

I mean, they're protective.

[laughs]

I've never been more sure
about anything in my life.

Curry.
Oh.

Okay, Bacon, I came up
with the perfect plan

to get Ray Ray to use an avatar power.

I'm gonna get him to sneeze,
because then he'll teleport.

And nothing's better
for a sneeze than paprika.

All right, who's ready
to watch me get my Lebron on?

You gonna try to trademark Taco Tuesday?

No, I'm gonna do this.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Oh.

[clears throat] Ah! Ah! My eyes. My eyes.

I told you to wear the goggles.
They're protective.

Well, that didn't work.

Achoo!

Hmm, I stand corrected.

Last hand.

It's where we separate the card players

from the card fakers.

I fold.

Me too.

Up top.

It's just me and you, Dad.

Whoever loses this hand
washes all the dishes.

A man's eyes are the window to his soul.

And when his soul is connected
to a weak hand, it always comes out.

[both slurping]

Well, now you can't see my soul. [giggles]

But I can hear it.

All in.

I call.

Bam! Full house.

Well, does your full house
have a golden toilet?

'Cause ha, bam!

That be a royal flush.

But...but you giggled.

Oh, that giggle was fake.

[giggles]

Up top.

You've gotten better. Respect, son.

Oh, thanks, Dad.

That really means a lot to me.

But you've still got to wash them dishes.

Sadie, I am scooping and I am scraping,

but I can't find that earring anywhere.

But if I'm not wearing
that earring for the family photo,

Grandma Flo is gonna freak out.

And then she'll ban me from the kitchen.

[gasps] Or worse she'll ban me
from the family.

And then I'll have to spend
every family reunion

at Entrepreneur's Camp with Marky.

I don't want to go to camp with Marky.

If you get banned,
then is just me and Florain

in this kitchen.

Keep scooping.

[Florain] Dinnertime, everyone.

Oh, no.

Maybe they won't notice?

[both gasping]

Ooh, y'all in trouble.

What happened?

This is a new style of serving

where everyone uses their hands
and digs in.

It's called Bear Goes Fishing Style.

[growls]

Somebody better get her before I do.

[together] Ohh, ohh, ohh.

It's not her fault.

It's mine.

I lost Great Gram Gram's earring.

-[all gasp]
-Sweet James Brown.

Sadie, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Well, does it help that I was

super responsible with this one?

Well, hey, at least the pie isn't ruined.

Oh, I can fix that.

[gasps]

What are you doing?

I was just trying to prove
Ray Ray was an avatar.

I thought if I threw a pie at his face,

he'd have no choice but to freeze time.

I mean, because obviously,
who wants to get hit with a pie?

I left you alone for three hours,

and that was what you spiraled into?

Yeah, but I guess he's not an avatar.

I guess he's just
a regular, super-positive,

blinged-out guy
whose name ends with Ay-Ay.

Did you just hit me with a pie?

Did you just hit him with a pie?

-Did you just hit him with...
-Enough!

Little girl...

...explain yourself.

Well, I...I was just...

I found your Great Gram Gram's earring.

It was in the pie Lay Lay threw.

Lay Lay, you found the earring.

Yes, that is why I threw it,
all for the Gram Gram.

Love you, girl.

Well, hey, since we're throwing food...

up top.

Ahh!

Ooh...ha-ha!

Oh, it is on now.

Food fight!

[all shouting]

I'm sorry I lost Great Gram Gram's earring

and ruined all the food.

I guess I wasn't mature enough to handle
the responsibility after all.

Here, I'm giving this back.

Well, there's a chance
I may have overreacted.

You may not realize this,
but I can be a bit much.

Sadie, your grandma once lost
those earrings

in an alligator pen in Florida

and made me dive in to get them.

That's how I knew he was the one.

Aww. [chuckles]

You keep those earrings, baby.

The fact that you confessed
shows you are mature enough

to handle this responsibility.

Really?

Thank you, Grandma Flo.

Ohh.

I love you, Sadie,
but I've got to get this pepperoni

before it gets eaten
by Lovey Lukey Baby Bookey.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I was just really hoping that there was
somebody else out there like me.

But I guess I'll never have a family

or a family reunion or a family photo.

I really am all alone.

Lay Lay, you are many things,
but alone isn't one of them.

We're your family.

You really mean that?

In ten years,
Marky will be happy to see you

once a year for / hours.

Thank you, Sadie.

It's time for the family photo.

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hang on. Hang on.

Marky felt bad about missing
the family reunion,

but he still wanted to be in the picture.

What are you doing, Lay Lay?

You belong in the family photo with us.

I thought it was Alexander family only.

Girl, once you throw a pie
at my head, you family.

-Get in here.
-Come on.

Lay Lay, get in there.
I'll take the photo.

You don't want to be in it?

Nah, y'all ain't my family.

Got it.

[laughter]

Come on, family.

You know what time it is.

Oh, it's time to boogie-oogie.

Boogie-oogie? Really?

It sounds better when I say it.

Oh, okay.

[Sister Sledge's "We Are Family"]

Five, six, seven...

[singer] ♪ We are family ♪

♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪

♪ We are family ♪

It takes time to look this good. [laughs]

Whenever I'm needing a confidence boost,

I'm like, "Let's dye my hair.

I'm gonna go red. I'm gonna go blue.
I'm gonna go pink."

Like, right now, I feel good
'cause my hair's dyed.

My character has her signature two buns.

I wanted to make a tutorial

and show them how to do it.

These are flat iron curls,

but I also like my natural curls.

-...your edges.
-[laughs]

You just have to embrace
and love your hair, 'cause I know I do.

And that's Life with That Girl Lay Lay.