02x06 - False Possessions

[bunniefuu]

Are you kidding, this is a disaster!

Operation Sleeping Beauties is a go.

Launch a ground-based att*ck

and occupy the Wakefield premises.

[all] Woo.

[whistle blowing]

What's going on here?

[Winston grunting]

[Elizabeth] Next on Sweet Valley High.

[girls screaming]

Dang.

Okay, so it was the dullest night of my life.

[Lila gasping]

[both screaming]

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

[upbeat music]

Hey.

Jess, where have you been?

We're working on the guest list

for the annual Wakefield Slumber Party.

Great, because I have been fine-tuning

my Truth or Dare questions.

It's taken me a year to get the delicate balance

between minor embarrassment and utter humiliation.

You're not still holding a grudge

against Lila, are you?

If she made you put Fluffernutter in your hair,

you'd be mad, too, it took me three weeks to wash it out.

Anyway, we need tons of food.

Pizza, barbecue, Chinese.

That sounds expensive.

You have money.

Liz, try to keep this simple.

I mean as it is, we have to get decorations,

games, invitations.

Jello molds.

Sounds like you guys have a lot of work ahead of you.

And what exactly are you planning to do?

I'm the idea person.

Besides, someone has to make sure

the football team's going to raid.

Aren't they at an away game this weekend?

Are you kidding?

This is a disaster, now who's going to raid the party?

Operation Sleeping Beauties is a go.

The football team's away, so it's our duty to crash.

You round up the AV crew, I'll take the chess club.

Affirmative.

So basically it's just gonna be the girls hanging out.

A slumber party?

They're so ridiculous.

I don't think so.

Once on a sh**t in Milan, they put all the models

into one hotel room, we had a blast.

Slumber parties are so kitschy, they're cool.

Oh let me finish, what I meant to say

is they're ridiculous kitschy.

What can I bring?

Oh, Jess, don't forget--

I know, I know, : at Dionne's Party Palace.

So, Jessica, what's up?

Your time, goodbye.

Such a kidder.

Listen, I'm having dinner Saturday evening

with my cousin and some of his friends from Harvard.

They just finished exams and are tired of thinking.

Want to join us?

My date canceled.

Jessica Wakefield is nobody's backup.

Besides, I have plans.

Hey Jess, my mom lent me some cool gowns from the 's

so we can play dress up at your slumber party.

[chuckles] Slumber party?

So that's your idea of a fun evening?

Well I guess an adult dinner party pales in comparison

to eating raw cookie dough with the girls.

Good morning, gentlemen.

As you know, the football team is away

and Todd Wilkins is at his cousin's house,

so it's up to us to provide the masculine presence

at the Wakefield Slumber Fest.

[boy] All right, excellent, woo!

[boys cheering]

-Oh, yeah. -All right, man.

Today's mission, launch a ground-based att*ck

and occupy the Wakefield premises.

In other words, crash the slumber party.

[boy] All right.

Our plan is to enter the premises

through the ground accessible windows,

confiscate the food supply, and annihilate the enemy

with state-of-the-art water projectiles.

[boy] No doors.

[Manny laughing]

[boy] Manny!

Sorry.

Of course if any of you are captured,

tortured, or k*lled, Manny and I

will completely and totally disavow any knowledge

of your actions.

This projector will self-destruct in five seconds.

There's nothing like New York at Christmastime.

Oh I totally agree.

The three Bs: Bloomingdale's, Barney's, and Bergdorf's.

And don't forget the Philharmonic.

Have you them perform Handel's Messiah?

I heard them last year at Lincoln Center.

They're divine.

I just love culture.

Oh yes, Jess has box seats to Snoopy On Ice.

Jess, where have you been?

Enid and I were waiting for you

at the store for an hour.

I'm sorry, I was just too tired to meet you guys

after rollerblading.

You could've called.

Well, I figured you guys had left already.

Oh, by the way, I dropped your Walkman on the boardwalk.

You are unbelievable.

Relax, you can get another one at Circuit Shack.

You just don't get it, do you?

It's not just the Walkman, which by the way,

you took without asking.

It's your whole attitude this week.

You won't lift a finger to help me with our party.

You stand me and Enid up--

Look, I told you, I had other things to do.

Jess, when are you gonna stop acting like a two-year-old?

Hey, I'm just as old as you are.

You'd never know it.

Oh yeah, well I'm not the one

who wants a stupid slumber party.

Well if you're so against this party,

why didn't you just say so,

instead of playing hide and seek with me all week?

I can't deal with you anymore.

Come see me when you've grown up.

-[boys snickering] -Ooh.

What are you snickering at?

Oh look, Jess is cranky, what's the matter,

miss your nap time?

[Enid] Chinese checkers.

[Liz] Check.

[Enid] Scary movies?

Check.

List of embarrassing Truth or Dare questions.

Check.

-Water balloons. -Check.

-Silly String. -Check.

-Breath mints. -Check.

Double strength.

[All] Ooh.

[crickets humming]

Jess?

Jessica?

This is ridiculous, I can't believe she's still mad.

The party's about to start, maybe you should talk to her.

[sighs] You're right.

[doorbell rings]

[girl] Yoo-hoo!

Hello, hello, hello, I brought all the optimum

slumber party accoutrements.

Seaweed wraps, super rub facials, Bonbons--

Wait a second, Lila, we already have everything, see?

Oh, I don't believe this, Operation?

Please, marshmallow roast, I don't think so.

Hey!

[Liz] Jessica, everybody's here.

Now after the peels, I thought we could--

We don't have time for peels.

Now give me back my list.

[Lila sighs]

[girl] Relax.

Jessica why are you wearing a dress?

It's only a slumber party.

You're right, it's only a slumber party.

-Huh? -Jessica?

I, on the other hand, have a slight more sophisticated

evening planned.

What are you talking about?

Hello, ladies, ready to go, Jess?

What's going on here?

Lila, what time's the pillow fight?

Um, :.

Jess, what's he doing here?

Bruce and I will be spending the evening

with a more mature crowd.

-Oh, right. -Okay.

Look Jess, if you're still mad--

Please, Liz, only children hold grudges.

After all, you said I should grow up, so now I have.

We should get going, they're holding a table for us

at the club.

But Jessica, these slumber parties

are a Wakefield tradition.

We always throw them together.

Not this year, sis, you're on your own.

-How lame. -As if.

[melancholy music]

How could she do that to me?

Don't worry, Liz, we don't need Jessica

to have a good time, we've got Twister.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Men, synchronize your watches.

It's time for Operation Ambush, let's go.

[All] Woo.

-Okay, let's go. -Okay, this way.

[whistle blowing]

[upbeat music]

♪ Whatever thing seems to be falling into place ♪

♪ We're friends 'til the end, everything's gonna be okay ♪

[girls chatting]

♪ Hey pretty boy, you know where you're going ♪

♪ Hey pretty girl, yeah, you know what you're showing ♪

♪ Hey pretty boy, do you know what you're doing ♪

♪ Hey pretty girl, do you know who you're fooling ♪

♪ Oh who you fooling now ♪

♪ What you doing, whatcha, whatcha doing tonight ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ What you doing, whatcha, whatcha doing tonight ♪

♪ Do you ever really find time to let it go ♪

♪ We're all right ♪

♪ Good times on my mind, just find time to let it show ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ You pretty girl, do you know what you're showing ♪

♪ Hey pretty boy, do you know where you're going ♪

♪ Pretty girl, do you know who you're fooling ♪

♪ Hey pretty boy, do you know what you're doing ♪

♪ Whatcha doing now ♪

♪ Whatcha doing, whatcha, whatcha doing tonight ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Whatcha doing, whatcha, whatcha doing tonight ♪

♪ Some sometimes you never know what's going to ♪

♪ Be become a rule ♪

♪ Whatcha doing ♪

♪ Whatcha doing, whatcha, whatcha doing tonight ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

♪ Whatcha doing now ♪

♪ Whatcha doing tonight ♪

[girl] Best conditioner, I love that, yeah.

[whistle blowing]

Time for charades!

[girls cheering]

Sharon, you go first.

Yeah, go for it!

Uh, the music man, Michael Jackson!

[girl] Camera!

Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree!

A movie?

-Yeah. -Oh, okay.

-Two, two. -V, V, uh,

Victor Victoria, um, Valley Girl!

-Wait. -Howard the Duck!

[girl] Two words.

-One, first. -Okay, first word.

-Small, little. -Tiny.

-A, A, A! -The?

-Okay, right. -The.

Richard Simmons, Trottin' to the Oldies!

-The Disco Years? -The Fugitive?

You got it.

[Enid cheers]

Okay my turn, my turn.

-Oh is that what is it? -Yeah, go for it!

Okay, wait.

A song!

I'm just itchy.

-Oh, come on. -Binoculars?

[Liz] You're looking for something.

-Glasses? -Devil!

You have wax in your ears!

A musical!

[girl] What is she doing?

-The Birds? -Bye, Bye, Birdie?

What are you doing?

I think your comparison of Nietzsche's Superman

to Machiavelli's Prince is clearly misguided.

Anyone who knows Prince would see the connection.

Jessica?

I think you mean The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.

[Waitress] Would anyone like to start with cocktails?

[Woman] Oh sure, that'd be great.

[Man] Yeah, that sounds fabulous.

I'll have a screwdriver.

I'll have a and .

And I'll have an and .

[all chuckling]

And I'll have to see some ID from everyone.

If one of you is underage, I can't serve any of you.

[woman] This is so embarrassing.

[girl] I am so confused.

[girl] Do you get this?

Well it's gotta

-be something. -A book?

[girl] Sun?

-Rays? -A drone?

The?

-You're kidding. -Oh we got something?

-I don't believe it. -Second word.

[girl] This is only the second word?

[girl] We only have the?

Oh I know, Clueless.

Enid, we give up.

Duh, The Piano.

-The Piano? -Come on!

-What? -No way.

[woman On TV] I think I heard something.

[man on TV] That was strange.

Don't go down there!

Why do they always look in the basement

when they know that's where the monster is?

[foreboding music]

[girls screaming]

Okay, so plans A, B, C, and D didn't work.

Now it's time for plan E.

Right, plan E, smoke out the foyer.

In approximately zero to seconds,

this apparatus will produce enough smoke

to cause the females to d-house out the back.

Now, man your battle stations.

Prepare for water m*ssile att*ck.

Hide in the bushes and fire at the first thing that moves.

Now go, go!

Okay, I removed the safety pin,

now I just need to guide this smoke through the slot.

Check, check, check.

Uh oh, negative on the mail slot.

What?

[grenade hisses]

[Manny coughing] Oh, man.

[Winston moaning]

Dude, you all right?

[girl] And your parents are gonna pay for...

I just know I brought Operation.

What was that?

-I don't know. -That was weird.

Must be the neighbor's cat.

So Liz, truth or dare?

Truth.

-Boring! -Knew it.

If you had to be stranded on a desert island

with any teacher, who would it be?

Mr. Collins.

-Ooh. -I knew it.

Is that why you're always working overtime at The Oracle?

- No. - [laughs]

[man] I've always admired

the distorted perspective of Fauvism.

You're such a radical.

I know, I can't wait for the Matisse exhibit

in New York this Christmas.

You must come with me to Lincoln Center.

My father's on the board.

Oh, really?

Then you must have seen Phil's harmonica.

[man] What?

You know the guy that handles the messiah?

He's divine.

[both laughing]

So, Jess, aren't you glad you ditched your slumber party?

Couldn't be happier.

Slumber party? [chuckles]

How quaint.

Who's the caterer, Chuck E. Cheese? [laughs]

[people snickering]

[girls laughing]

So Lila, truth or dare?

Truth.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

-Ooh. -Ooh.

When Bruce saw me at Tre Chichi on a blind date.

All right, so the guy was wearing

a plaid polyester jacket, satisfied?

Now it's my turn. Enid, truth or dare?

[girl] Yeah, come on.

Truth.

How far did you go with Jay O'Connor?

-Ooh. -Ooh hoo.

Just to the mall.

-Oh, come on. -Enid.

Okay, so we're outta plans.

I know, let's ring the doorbell.

Nah, that would be giving in too easily.

Hey, maybe Liz's window's open.

And to think, me without my bat wings.

Just use this.

Hey, it's worth a sh*t. Good work, Manny.

Guys, go wait outside with your water balloons.

Go, go, go!

Carry on.

[suspenseful music]

[Winston grunting]

♪ I'm a Chiquita banana and I'm here to say ♪

♪ I'm the top banana in the world today ♪

[camera shutter snapping]

For the yearbook.

[girls laughing]

[grunts] Ow, I can't believe this.

[grunts] Whoa!

, , .

We've got to teach Lila

-a lesson. -.

.

[people laughing]

The seafood bar is now open.

Ooh, oysters on the half shell, my fave. Let's go.

So, Jess, you having

-a good time? -The food here

is always top notch.

Couldn't be happier.

-Me, too. The best. -You must try the crab.

You hate this as much as I do, don't you?

What makes you say that?

You just built the Eiffel Tower out of sugar cubes.

[Jess chuckles]

Come on, let's get out of here.

Well, if you insist.

Ask her.

So, Lila, truth or dare?

Oh, ask her if it's her real--

Dare.

I dare you to run down the street to mail a letter.

No problemo.

In a towel.

[girls exclaiming]

Guys, guys, you gotta get me down from here.

Guys? Guys?

Come on, you said you'd do it.

[girls laughing]

[girl] This is so funny.

She did not look happy.

Was that Lila?

In the flesh.

[Lila screaming]

Nice hair, Delilah.

What did you use, Fluffernutter?

[Lila yells]

[boy] Wait, guys, in here!

And I thought she'd never top Tre Chichi.

[all shouting]

[Lila gasping]

[both screaming]

Now where did I put those Barry Manilow CDs?

So, Jess, how was your evening?

Bruce's friends are fascinating.

We had so much in common, I could've stayed all night.

Which is why you're back here at .

Well, I didn't want to spoil myself

with too much of a good thing.

Oh, am I glad we ditched those bores.

I thought Jess was gonna fall asleep in her veal piccata.

Okay, so it was the dullest night of my life.

But you know, I learned something.

Being mature isn't all it's cracked up to be.

It still wasn't nice what you did.

Yeah, well, hey, I brought you something.

What's this?

An IOU for a new CD Walkman.

And?

And, okay, okay, I'm sorry.

And?

And I promise to help you with next year's slumber party.

Just don't be mad at me anymore.

Come on, let's dance.

Hey, who put my mom's dresses in the trash compactor?

[boy] Enid!

♪ Yeah she's got the answers ♪

♪ And she's also got a hold on me ♪

[boy] Hey, where's Winston?

-♪ Yeah, she's got me ♪ -Help!

Somebody let me in!

[thunder booming]

Guys, please?

[rain splatting]

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪♪