02x10 - Like Water for Hot Dogs

[bunniefuu]

[Jessica] Next on Sweet Valley High.

It was our first date.

Look I've asked Liz out before and I can do it again.

I haven't been able to count on Todd

for much of anything lately.

A professional actress doesn't need

tapes to learn her lines.

Just because your stupid plan backfired

don't blame it on me!

[Both] We love it!

After everything I put her through

I don't know why Liz would ever take me back.

Now we have some work to do.

Now Todd's sure to ask you out.

He thinks I can be a big star.

Go out with me Saturday night.

Just get out of here and leave me alone.

I'm sure you and Liz have reheated your soufflé of love.

[theme music plays]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

[Jessica] I can't wait to be in The Wizard of Oz.

[Liz] You haven't even tried out for it yet.

Hi, Enid.

Guess we'll have to sit here.

Try these new hotdogs.

They're all beef, like me.

Suddenly I've become a vegetarian.

Freeze, egg breath.

These onions are grilled, I ordered them raw.

Maybe there's a little too much beef in these hotdogs.

Where are you going without taking Liz's order?

And hers, and hers, and theirs!

We need shakes, we need fries.

Move, move, move!

If you don't mind.

Yes ma'am.

Enid, I've never seen you like this.

You're so--

Pushy.

Rude.

Mean to Winston.

[Both] We love it!

It's my assertiveness training.

See, all these years of picking on her really paid off.

Actually it's my new job at the library.

We just got a shipment of new subliminal training tapes.

[Liz] Hey, I've heard of those.

They're so cool.

All you hear is soothing music,

but on this other track you don't hear

it's teaching you stuff.

Wow, maybe there's a tape to help you with your audition.

You know, to help you study your lines.

Please, a professional actress doesn't need

tapes to learn her lines.

I am Doris.

You mean Dorothy.

Her too.

I boiled, steamed, and grilled those myself.

Are they delicious or what?

Pretty good.

But it doesn't compare to the ones at Bun Doggies.

[Winston] Come on Liz, back me up here.

Bun Doggies doesn't come close to this.

Bun Doggies, haven't heard that in a while.

They had the best onion rings.

When were you ever at that dive?

It was our first date.

Ooh, that's classy.

Where did you go for dessert, the gas station?

Actually it was very nice.

He was trying so hard to impress me.

He even borrowed his dad's car.

But it broke down in the middle of the highway.

So we missed our reservations at Luciano's

because the tow truck was like three hours late.

Fortunately we broke down right in front of Bun Doggies.

Bun Doggies.

[Enid] Okay, so what's the -?

[Liz] What?

You and Todd, that's what.

First date, Bun Doggies, laughter, smiley faces.

Oh, you saw that?

Come on, Liz.

There were so many sparks flying between you guys

I needed safety goggles.

I don't know, maybe we've just relaxed a little.

Maybe we're getting to be friends again.

Or, maybe Todd's gonna ask you out

on your anniversary this weekend.

I wouldn't count on it.

I haven't been able to count on Todd

for much of anything lately.

Perfect.

Love only happens when you're not expecting it.

Now Todd's sure to ask you out.

So let's have it.

Not that.

I'm talking about what's going on between you and Liz.

Nothing.

Yet.

So how are you gonna get her back?

Dude I don't even know where to start.

Dude, you have the answer, you just don't know it yet.

Bun Doggies.

Oh yeah, of course, Bun Doggies.

What are you talking about, bro?

Recreate your first date at Bun Doggies.

Girls love that stuff.

Wait, I'll prove it.

Why are you touching me?

We need a female opinion.

That shirt is Salvation Army material,

those pants need to be b*rned,

your fingernails need to be sand blasted.

No, Winston thinks I should ask Liz

to Bun Doggies for our anniversary.

[scoffs] Women want romance, not pig parts.

Point isn't the food, it's the memory.

I even have the shirt you wore that night, remember,

you gave it to me because you ruined it fixing your car.

And you still have it?

Forget Bun Doggies.

Show Liz you can make it all the way to Luciano's this time.

Rent a limo.

No.

Rent the tow truck that picked you guys up that night.

You need linen table cloths, soft music, candlelight.

French fries, chili sauce, onions and pickles.

No, scratch that.

Pickles make me sweat.

Thanks for sharing.

[man] Library pass?

I'm telling you, you don't need my library pass.

I don't ever read anything.

Jessica Wakefield?

What are you doing here?

[Jessica] Get a life, book dorks.

[Enid] Okay let's see.

[Jessica] Enid.

[Enid] Ssh, I'm trying to concentrate.

[Jessica] Enid!

Okay, finished.

Can I help you?

I thought I'd try some of those submarine tapes of yours.

Subliminal.

I think you're assertive enough.

I was thinking more along the lines of memory enhancement.

After all, nothing else about me needs enhancing.

Thanks, Enid.

And if you ever mention this, you're dead.

[Enid] Now where was I?

Biology.

Winston!

Listen, about Todd, I was thinking.

Yeah I thought I smelled wood burning.

Funny.

Now we have some work to do.

♪ There's no pretending ♪

♪ That all around I've been feeling down ♪

♪ And there's no inventing ♪

♪ That all around I've been feeling down ♪

♪ But I know that the dust will clear ♪

♪ And I know that we will be there ♪

♪ I know that when the dust does clear ♪

♪ I hope that I'll see you there ♪

I think a single rose says so much.

Yeah, it says you would spring for the other .

[talking over each other]

You know what guys, I think I'm just gonna wing it.

How can you even think you're romantic?

I am romantic, I have taken girls flowers and candies.

Gummy worms are not fine candy.

I didn't say gummy worms are...

Wait, where is he?

[gasps]

[Lila] Winston, stop him!

[Winston] He's gonna ruin everything!

[Lila] I know, he's not even moussed!

Get off of me.

Thank heavens I was here to prevent that almost disaster.

And you'll be pleased to know that Liz is,

as always, clueless.

Yeah she's not the only one.

What?

What did I do?

Besides possibly break one of my ribs?

You're driving me insane.

Look I've asked Liz out before and I can do it again.

By myself.

[melancholic music]

Talk about ungrateful.

What size does she wear?

I don't know.

Is she a winter or a summer?

Who cares, right?

Teenage girls, they look good in everything.

Have you tried this?

How about this?

[Todd] Maybe.

Oh, your little girlfriend, she's gonna love this.

[Todd] Hang on.

And this, and this.

You know something?

Your little girlfriend is gonna love this.

Here.

They'll look great on you.

Hey what about a good jumpsuit?

Help me, please.

I'm begging you.

Okay.

Okay?

That's it?

You're not even gonna t*rture me first?

What I just saw in there was so pathetic

you have no lower to sink.

One condition.

Anything.

I think.

You have to do whatever I tell you,

whenever I tell you, without question.

Follow me with blind devotion and I'll turn you into

a romance machine in time for the big anniversary.

Well teach me, Obi-Wan.

Which one was Obi-Wan?

Not the puppet with big ears.

Oh I saw a dress at Rampage that would be

perfect for your date with Todd.

I keep telling you, he hasn't asked me yet.

Maybe he never will.

For all I know he's seeing someone else.

Who? A nurse?

Because the guy needs oxygen every time

you get within two feet of him.

I just don't wanna get my hopes up.

If I do, and I'm wrong, it'll really hurt.

Look, you love Todd, Todd loves you.

By Saturday night you two will be a couple again.

Get it?

-Got it. -Good.

Thanks, Enid.

You know I couldn't have gotten through this without you.

Hot guy, o'clock.

[melancholic music]

Lila and Todd?

Excuse me.

I don't believe it.

[Lila] These outfits are to die for.

And they were half off.

Thank you, Lila.

Liz is gonna love this stuff.

You think we're done?

Silly boy, I've only begun to work my magic on you.

I can take it from here.

Excuse moi, but I believe you agreed

to total and absolute compliance.

Now, I've prepared a list of romantic phrases

guaranteed to sweep any girl off her feet.

Repeat after me.

Love of my life, I want you, I need you, I love you.

No way.

You're starting from scratch with Liz.

"Wanna do something" ain't gonna cut it.

Now.

"Light of my life, I want you, I need you, I love you."

That's a start, continue.

"My world without you has been dark and cold,

but now with you in my life I can finally feel the sun."

Hmm, that's so sweet.

"Go out with my Saturday night,

I promise you won't be sorry."

[Lila] I'm all yours.

[Liz] This mask you gave me feels like glue.

It's not coming off.

Jess?

Jess!

Don't worry Toto, I'll protect you from that wicked witch.

Jess.

You are not gonna believe this.

Not only did Todd not ask me out for our anniversary,

but I saw him with Lila.

♪ If you only had a brain ♪

You're right, I'm being stupid.

I just need to calm down and collect my thoughts,

and accept the fact that--

♪ We're off to see the wizard ♪

You haven't heard a word I said.

Fine, I don't have a boyfriend,

I don't have a sister who cares,

at least I still have that pint

of Haagen Dazs in the freezer.

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto.

[cassette speaking in Spanish]

Hi, Liz.

Oh, hi.

You know, this Saturday's our anniversary and--

Is it?

Totally slipped my mind.

Well, I was planning to...

I mean, if it's okay with you.

Why are you checking with me?

It's not like I have any claim on you.

Do whatever you want.

You don't understand.

My world without you has been dark and cold,

but now with you in my life I can finally feel the sun.

Go out with me Saturday night,

I promise you won't be sorry.

You've got to be kidding.

Do I get the late shift or the early shift?

Huh?

You treat me like dirt and then you hit on me

with the same sleazy lines you use on the other girls?

What other girls?

Spare me the innocent act.

Just get out of here and leave me alone, permanently.

If that's the way you feel, fine.

Sorry I ever bothered you.

[Enid] Hi Principal Cooper.

Miss Rollins.

Yeah?

These subliminal tapes have had no effect.

Conversational Spanish my foot.

I'm planning a trip to Spain,

I can't even ask directions to the Prado Museum,

which houses the works of Goya, El Greco, and Picasso,

one of the originators of cubism.

Did you know that seasonal rainfall in Madrid

averages inches?

Wait a minute.

Why is power memory in Spanish?

And if power memory is in the Spanish box,

then Spanish must be in the...

Uh-oh.

[man] That was very nice.

Dorothy and Glenda.

The wizard, I mean the professor, will see you now.

And your little dog, too.

No problemo.

Just close your eyes and tap your

heels together three times.

[speaking in Spanish]

And think to yourself, there's no place like home.

[speaking in Spanish]

[group laughing]

[Jessica] I'm a little muddled.

[speaking in Spanish]

Huh?

Ay, caramba!

[speaking in Spanish]

No need to thank me.

I'm sure you and Liz have reheated your soufflé of love.

On second thought, give me all the details.

There's nothing to tell.

I don't know what I was thinking.

After everything I put her through

I don't know why Liz would ever take me back.

Nice going, Winston.

You just sabotaged a wonderful reunion.

Not to mention the gossip event of the season.

Me?

You put so much gel in his hair

he looked like an extra from Water World.

Oh and I suppose you think operation greasy shirt

was a big success.

Hey, just because your stupid plan backfired,

don't blame it on me!

Maybe next time you won't be so difficult.

I'm always difficult!

It's what I do best.

Why can't you just compromise?

Compromise?

Hmm.

So crazy it just might work.

Where do you think you're going senorita?

I'm sorry, Jessica.

I am so sorry!

I'll make it up to you.

Can I wash and wax your car?

You need some cash?

Just please don't hurt me.

As much as I enjoy watching you squirm,

you're gonna find out anyway.

You already hired the hit man.

Nigel Savant was so impressed with my language skills,

he thinks I can be a big star in South America.

And after that, who knows!

Maybe you'll go to North America.

So, I guess I actually did you a favor.

Don't push your luck.

You can still wash my car.

[knocking on window]

New rule.

No more hanging around and moping on Saturday nights.

Thanks Winston, but I'm really not in the mood.

Are you saying that you'd have

more fun alone than with me?

Don't answer that.

Come on, let's go kiddo.

Keep 'em closed.

Ta-da!

Bun Doggies.

Lila, believe me, this is the last place

I wanna be tonight.

Oh look, isn't that Winston?

Yeah, so?

Hey man, what are you doing here?

Just helping out some friends.

Liz?

Come on, Winston.

I'm sure Todd and Lila wanna be alone.

Please.

My job, thank god, is almost over.

Your job?

More like charity.

You mean, is that why you were spending

so much time with Lila?

Of course.

Don't tell me you thought I was interested in hot dog boy.

-I'm such an idiot. -I'm so dumb.

Even I have to agree with that.

Thank you for forcing us to figure it out.

Dinner is served.

There's more?

[Lila] Right this way.

Liz.

Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I've ever made.

I'm sorry for everything I've put you through.

I've missed you so much.

Me too.

I'm gonna make it up to you.

If you'll let me.

I think that can be arranged.

Would you care to dance?

I'd love to.

♪ But you just look away ♪

♪ No you don't hear my prayer ♪

♪ Hear me ♪

♪ Hear me out ♪

♪ If you call out my name ♪

♪ I'm yours ♪

♪♪♪

[theme music plays]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪♪