02x14 - The w*r of the Pom Poms

[bunniefuu]

[Jessica] Next on Sweet Valley High.

If we didn't live in Sweet Valley,

no one would ever miss us.

I am your guardian angel.

-Ah! -Wait, what are you doing?

[Man] That's him.

Todd's been arrested.

Welcome to Studio Winston.

You're right, this parallel universe sucks.

[Man] Back off, tree hugger.

Farms, not arms!

My parents kicked me out, man.

I would rather walk around naked

than wear dead animal products.

Everybody's much worse off without us.

No maybes about it.

[upbeat music]

[vocalizing]

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

[majestic music]

[Man] Excuse me, sir, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield

are in trouble, I think we should send down an angel.

[God] Well, who's next in line to get his wings?

[Man] Wegbert.

[God] Uh-oh, not the guy who keeps

getting his head caught in a harp?

[Man] All angels do get a chance to earn their wings.

-Okay, send for him. -[whistling]

[Wegbert] Wegbert reporting for duty, sir.

[Man] Get that thing off your head.

[God] Your time has arrived.

Pack your bags, we're sending you down to Earth.

[Wegbert] Earth, cool.

Should I bring my roller blades?

[God sighs]

[bright orchestral music]

I can't believe my Lila canceled.

Look, it's still gonna be a great tree-trimming party.

Besides, I'm sure she has a good reason.

Camping out for a sale at the Leather Factory

is not a good reason.

Well, at least Jared's coming.

Jared?

You know, the guy that I plan to spend

the rest of my week with?

Oh, Jared.

That reminds me, he called to say he can't make it.

What?

He better have a real good reason to blow me off.

-I am talking full-body cast. -[doorbell rings]

Actually, he's having pizza with the guys.

Don't worry, all of our friends will be here.

Besides, when have you ever been

without a date for Christmas?

[Liz] Hi.

They were all out of Christmas cookies,

but these were practically free.

Halloween cookies?

-See ya. -Where you going?

To the mall.

What about our party?

I'd love to stay, but there's this hot new elf

down at Santa's Corner and he winked at me.

Oh, Cheryl wanted me to tell you

that she'd bring you back a Statue of Liberty snow globe.

-What? -You know, those plastic

things that you shake and all the white stuff falls?

No, I'm talking about Cheryl.

Where's she going?

To New York, tonight.

She had to use up her frequent flyer miles.

But--

I think I'll sit on Santa's lap.

That's guaranteed to make the elf jealous.

I can't believe her.

Since when is a winking elf more important

than a Christmas party with friends?

Liz, it's Enid.

She's gotta go for any chance she gets.

[plastic rustling]

[Winston grunts]

Hi, Liz, Jess.

I didn't think you'd be home.

You didn't think we'd be home the night of our party?

And what are you doing on the ground?

Um, I wanted to leave you popcorn for the tree.

I can't make it later because Bruce is opening

the Moon Beach and I have to work.

Well, what about the food?

Bruce was supposed to bring it.

Was it by any chance turkey, stuffing,

with cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes?

Yeah.

$. with the beverage of your choice.

Refills are extra.

[whimsical music]

Looks like it's just gonna be Todd and Manny.

Yeah, and now I have to see Todd on an empty stomach.

That is if they don't back out.

Jess, please, Todd is definitely gonna show.

-Todd, come on in. -Hey.

-Have some eggnog. -Sure.

Ah, it was nice.

We should really do this again next year.

What?

Manny's uncle gave us two Laker tickets, courtside,

right next to Jack Nicholson!

Oh, please don't be mad.

Where's Manny now?

[car horn honks]

His uncle also lent us a car.

Well, I don't want you here if you don't wanna be here.

Great, I knew you'd understand.

-See ya. -[whimsical music]

That never works, you know.

I can't believe our so-called friends totally flaked.

I know, it's like they don't even appreciate us.

[sighs] You know, sometimes I think if we didn't live

in Sweet Valley, no one would ever miss us.

You're right.

[sighs] I wish we never even met these people.

[ethereal music]

[Wegbert sniffling]

[Wegbert] That's so sad.

Can't somebody do something?

[Man] That's your cue, Wegbert.

Make me proud!

Well, at the very least, don't embarrass me.

[Wegbert] Look out below!

[crashing]

Did you hear something?

[playful music]

Winston, what are you doing in our bushes?

-Are you okay? -Ow!

Don't be alarmed, I appreciate your concern,

I really do, but I'm fine.

What concern?

Why are you wearing a toga?

I am your guardian angel.

You're Winston in a dress!

You think I look like Winston Egbert?

[Both] Uh-huh.

Wow, thanks!

You took that as a compliment?

Winston's lost it; I'm calling the cops.

No, wait, wait.

I'm not Winston, let me explain.

You two wished you had never met your friends, right?

Well, I'm gonna make that wish happen.

Cool!

How you gonna do that, Tinker Bell?

I'm gonna show you what their lives

would be like without you.

And once you see how important you are to them,

I'll get my wings.

Important, ha.

Nobody here cares about us.

And we don't care about them.

Look, I'm desperate here, okay?

I have been trying to get my wings for a long time.

The angels with the wings get all the girls.

This is too weird.

Prove to us you're not Winston.

Yeah, all you've proven to us is that you're a nut.

Got a mirror?

Yeah, there's one in there.

I can't pull a rabbit out of my hat,

but this should convince you.

Look.

I can't believe it.

Why didn't you tell me I had lipstick on my teeth?

It's pretty cool, huh?

Only you two can see me.

Come on.

Where we going, heaven?

-You mean-- -Close, the Moon Beach.

[girls coughing]

Taxi!

What's this poster of Cheryl doing here?

I thought she gave up modeling.

She did, Glamour Cookies is her company.

And since you were never here to be her friend,

Cheryl took up baking as a hobby

and turned a few simple recipes into an empire.

Here's what I need you guys to do for me.

I thought you were camping out at the big

Leather Factory sale.

Leather is m*rder.

I would rather walk around naked

than wear dead animal products.

Lila, did you get hit on the head or something?

How do you know my name?

Gee, I don't know, I guess hanging out with someone

for years, it finally sinks in.

It looks like I'm not the one that got hit on the head.

So you're saying you don't know us?

I may not know you, but I still need you.

We're forming a human chain down at the harbor.

We're stopping an oil tanker from coming into port.

See you at the beach.

Why is everyone acting so weird?

Yeah, Lila's wearing a headband.

Liz, do you remember the lecture you went to

on deforestation a few years ago?

Yeah, sure.

You got the last ticket, but since you weren't here

to use the ticket, Lila showed up.

What was Lila doing at a lecture on deforestation?

That's like the environment.

She thought it was about exfoliation at the time.

Now that sounds like Lila.

But the talk changed her life.

She rejected all of her dad's money

and became a soldier for the environment.

Is that Kona blend?

Excuse me, you have no idea how hard it is

to get a decent cup of coffee in heaven.

This is so bizarre.

What did you put in that eggnog?

Hey, where you guys been?

I haven't seen you like in a week.

-Come on in, have a good time. -Thanks.

[Winston] Later.

Excuse me, excuse me, we're VIP.

Thank you, sorry.

What is this place?

Where are all the pool tables?

Hello, ladies, welcome to Studio Winston.

I am the owner of this establishment, and you are?

Not in the mood for this, where's Bruce?

Bruce, uh, Bruce Patman?

Probably destroying a hotel room somewhere, later.

Patman and the Puffer Fish.

They're playing Letterman next week.

Bruce is a rock star?

Enjoy yourselves, ladies, and please save a dance for me.

[upbeat music]

Winston owns this place?

Bruce was booked on Letterman?

Cheryl runs a company?

Lila cares about the planet?

[Both] Wegbert!

How did Bruce get into music?

You were never in the playground to kiss

eight-year-old Bruce Patman.

Ooh, don't remind me.

Well, he never developed the confidence

which later became arrogance,

and his sensitive, artistic side blossomed,

and he went into music.

What about Winston?

Fourth grade, Winston opened up a lemonade stand.

Jessica showed up, flirting with him.

He gave you all his lemonade for free.

It wasn't even good.

It was like he put real lemons in it or something.

With no Jess, Winston went on to open up a little store

-called -Eleven. -[bell dings]

Did you hear that?

Every time a bell rings, another angel gets his wings.

I'll bet it was Irwin.

Enid's here!

The men can stay, but you ladies gotta leave.

-What? -But we paid to get in.

For Enid?

-That is not fair. -No.

Thank you so much coming.

[Man] Hey, Enid, how you doing?

[Enid] Hi, boys.

[Bouncer] Time to leave, girls.

Enid!

Ew.

[Jessica] Enid as a cheerleader, give me a break.

What happened to my best friend?

Well, when she transferred to Sweet Valley,

no one was there to put her down constantly.

It's my hobby.

You have the Oracle, I have making fun of Enid.

Well, in any case, she's blossomed

into the most popular girl in school.

I'm the most popular girl in school.

[Liz] How about Todd, what's happened to him?

Look, man, my uncle gave me tickets

to the basketball game tonight, you wanna come?

Basketball, oh, gross, I can't stand basketball.

Everybody's always getting sweaty

and you can see under their arms.

Without you there to encourage him as an awkward

five-footer, Todd never developed

the interest in sports.

Todd without sports?

What does he do?

Computers mostly.

Ha, his life is over.

He got a scholarship to Harvard.

Your point?

[sighs] I've gotta talk to him.

It won't do any good.

Casper here fixed it so we were never in this world.

-Todd'll recognize me. -Hi, Todd.

He told me that I'm the only girl for him.

Oh, Enid, you're the only girl for me.

What's the point of all this?

Why is everyone around here better off without us?

Yeah, we're not important at all.

Look, no, just, it might appear that way

on the surface, but if you look closer,

if you look deeper, you'll see that--

[Jessica] See what?

I'm not gonna get my wings, am I?

[Jessica] Look, just take us home.

[Wegbert] Nope, we've got one more place to go.

[ethereal music]

-Everything looks the same. -Yeah.

But I'm sure it's better.

I mean, they probably don't even have classes.

Where's the signup sheet for the Christmas dance?

There is no Christmas dance.

Oh, when the county threatened to cut the school budget,

you weren't here to fight for the extracurricular activities

so there are no dances, no school paper, nothing.

There's no Oracle?

[Jessica] Liz, look at the trophy case.

Wegbert, where are all the trophies?

Well, without Jess here to lead cheers

and stir up school spirit, most the better players left.

Manny's on the basketball team?

How did he get to be so tall?

Well, he didn't.

It's just everyone else is so short.

He's the only '" center on the league.

Wait a minute, I thought Enid

was little miss school spirit.

Oh, you mean the cheerleading outfit.

Well, there is no squad 'cause she never goes to practice.

She only wears it because she says it makes her look hot.

She's not wrong.

If I wasn't a spirit.

Hey, Cheryl, you look great, did you lose weight?

Uh-huh, five pounds, can you tell?

Yeah.

Save the whales.

Don't wear fur.

-Reduce, reuse, recycle. -Get out of my way.

We have to make a difference!

Get a life.

Back off, tree hugger.

-Farms, not arms! -Get out of here.

[Lila] Food, not bombs!

It's kind of sad the way no one's listening to her.

Why, no one ever listens to Lila.

[gargling]

Bruce, I thought you were on the road.

Dude, my band bailed on me.

They're backing up Neil Young now.

They wouldn't even let me stay and play the tambourine.

Why are you living in a closet?

My parents kicked me out, man.

But I'm working on a comeback.

♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme ♪

♪ Your love is like a ♪

You just confirmed what I always thought.

Even in a parallel universe, Bruce is a loser.

This isn't a joke, it's terrible.

Everybody's much worse off without us.

-I know. -Thanks.

Isn't it great?

[dramatic music]

Hmm?

[Manny] When am I gonna see you again?

Don't worry, you'll get your turn.

I'll meet you at the Moon Beach at :.

Todd should be asleep by then.

Great, I have my uncle's car.

We can go cruising, maybe even stop at Lover's Point.

No maybes about it.

[rock music]

-[whimsical music] -[computer keys clacking]

Todd, she's cheating on you, she doesn't care about you!

Who are you, don't hurt me.

I'm not gonna hurt you, I love you.

It's me, Liz.

You've gotta remember, Todd, you've gotta remember me!

Go away, you're scaring me.

Enid doesn't like me talking to other girls, ah!

-Wait, what are you doing? -That's him.

This student broke into the school records

and changed grades.

It couldn't be, not Todd.

It's true.

I did it for Enid, she doesn't always have time to study.

I also broke into the Bank of Sweet Valley's computer

and transferred money to my account.

Oh, you would've caught me eventually.

If I don't buy Enid expensive gifts, somebody else will.

Don't worry, Wilkins, if you're lucky,

you'll get to share a cell with your good buddy Egbert.

Winston?

Why?

Because even teenage millionaires have

Get this cyber vermin out of my sight.

[Todd] I get one phone call!

I need to call Enid.

Jess!

Where's Wegbert?

What is it, looks like you just saw a ghost.

Well, another ghost.

Todd's been arrested.

If we'd been here, none of this would have happened.

I want things back to the way they were.

I just wanna live in the old Sweet Valley again,

the real Sweet Valley.

Lighten up, sis.

Wegbert, you've gotta get us back.

We've learned our lesson.

I haven't!

[rock music]

Jared, could you drive me to the drugstore later?

I'm getting low on nail polish.

Sure, I was going to have pizza with the guys,

but for you, I'll cancel.

You wouldn't cancel pizza with the guys for me.

You're right, this parallel universe sucks.

Wegbert!

[ethereal music]

We wanna go home, we've learned our lesson.

[chiming music]

What, no smoke?

[God] It's a no smoking building.

Did we just--

[Both] Nah.

So I guess it's just the two of us again.

What are you talking about?

We have popcorn, Halloween cookies.

[Friends] Merry Christmas!

See, look who's here, Jess.

We couldn't let you be alone on Christmas.

Flights leave for New York every minutes.

Cute elves are a dime a dozen.

Besides, turns out he wasn't really winking at me.

He just got new contacts.

So I'm standing in line and it suddenly occurs to me,

it's my father's credit card,

I don't need to wait for a sale.

This is gonna be a great party.

I'm sorry I ever thought about not showing up.

I don't wanna be anywhere but here with you.

Plus the game was canceled.

He's kidding, tell her you're kidding.

Winston convinced me we wouldn't do any business

and everybody'd be here.

We have friends.

-Where's Winston? -[doorbell rings]

I got wings!

[Girls] Congratulations!

Spicy, mild, and extra crispy barbecue.

[gentle music]

[brakes squealing]

[crashing]

[Wegbert] Ow, thank God these things

-come with an airbag. -You're welcome.

[Girl] This punch is really good.

Excuse me.

I'm really glad we're back.

I love living in Sweet Valley.

And for some reason, I love all of our crazy friends.

Even Winston.

And if you ever tell anyone I said that,

I'm gonna put itching powder in your bra.

Don't worry, sis, your secret's safe with me.

All right, but only because I drank all your lemonade.

And after this, we're even.

[Kids] Yeah!

[gentle music]

[upbeat music]

♪ Look right down in a crowded hall ♪

♪ You see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere or a reflection ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley ♪♪