01x12 - Dog's Best Friend/Out of Shape

[bunniefuu]

- * Once there was a captain *

* He was a serious dude *

* Well, he crashed into a mountain *

* But, man, it lightened the mood *

* Speaking of lightening the mood *

* Speaking of thunderous joy *

* In comes Parker J, a raincloud *

* Looking for new employ *

* The beardful captain said, "Hey!" *

* The cheerful raincloud said, "Hi!" *

* They started working together *

* What a magical sight *

* The Middlemost Post, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh *

* The Middlemost Post *

* Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh *

[upbeat music]

* *

- [croaks]

* *

- Phew!

[toy squeaks]

Shipwreck.

[dramatic music]

- [growling]

- Aah!

- Look out, Angus! - Aah!

- [laughs] Okay, Brutus. Okay, you got me.

Enough with this stinky slobber.

You win.

- I'm not one for smack talk, Angus,

but Brutus kind of owns you.

- Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

I'm sorry, Parker.

You were saying something about being owned.

- Wow, he's good.

- Nothing to see here, folks, just dog's best friend

and cloud's best friend coming through.

[upbeat music]

[dogs whimpering]

- Bubbles. What's happening, man?

Nice firm shake there, Bubbles.

Go deep, Daisy.

- [barking]

- Autograph? Sure.

How about a picture? [camera shutter clicks]

- Aw. That's a keeper.

- I got to be honest, Parker--

being the only mailman that dogs don't absolutely hate

feels pretty darn good.

- And you wear it well, big guy.

- There's not a pooch on this entire mountain

who doesn't love old Angus?

- Well, there might be one.

- [growling] - [chuckles]

- I wonder why Jelly hates you so much.

- Ah, she doesn't hate me. She just doesn't know me.

I'm sure if I spent a little quality time with her,

she'd warm right up.

- And you'd be best of friends? - Sure.

Isn't that right, Jelly welly? - [barks viciously]

Uh, Miss Pam, Could we get that toast to go?

I'm just saying--

it takes a lot of focus and patience to win over a dog.

Well, that and cheese.

- [growling] - Aah!

What is Jelly doing here?

- Surprise! [chuckles]

So you remember how you said

you and Jelly would be best friends

if you only spent quality time together?

Well, you're welcome.

- Parker. How--what--

- It's okay, Angus.

I asked Miss Pam if we could watch Jelly for the day,

and she was totally cool with it.

Let the friendship making begin.

[chuckles] Jelly.

- Parker, how you did this, I have no idea.

What I do know is you shouldn't have.

- But you said-- - I know what I said.

- Did I do something wrong?

- No, kiddo, you were only trying to help.

- I just thought since every dog on Mount Middlemost

loves you so much,

you'd want Jelly to love you, too.

I guess I was wrong.

[somber music]

Come on, Jelly... I'll take you home.

- [panting]

- Wait, you know what? Parker, you're right.

I've worked hard to win over the dogs on this mountain.

There's no reason why I should quit with Jelly.

- You mean it? - You bet ya. What d'you say--

- Yay!

- What I'm about to tell you two is top secret

and should never be spoken to any dog,

especially the one we call Jelly.

- I took care of it just like you asked.

[easygoing music playing on headphones]

I made her a mixtape.

- Good work, kiddo. Now, here's the skinny.

There's a foolproof way to win over any and every dog.

The steps are simple.

Step one, find where they like to be scratched.

Step two, scratch that spot.

Step three, repeat until dog kicks leg.

Hoochie, coochie, coo. Coochie, woochie, boobie, doo.

- Hey! It works on Russell, too.

- Oh-ho, that's a stellar belly rub right there, Parker.

You're a natural.

Let's get to scratching.

- You got this, Angus.

[triumphant music]

- [grunting]

- [panting, whimpering]

- [gasps] It's happening.

- Easy does it.

- I can feel the friendship blossoming.

- Within reach...

closing in...

contact has been made

I repeat-- contact has been made.

- [grunts]

- Just got to find that spot.

Watch the leg. Watch the leg.

[vibrating]

Wait for it.

[groans]

- [gasps] Are you okay, Angus?

Oh, I'm sorry Jelly is being so mean.

I don't know what her deal is!

- [sighs] I do, Parker.

I didn't want to say anything,

but me and Jelly-- our beef goes way back.

It all started with a heated discussion

about preservatives.

Oh, you're out of your tree, Terry.

Everyone knows that jam

is the single greatest preservative to put on toast.

- No, man, you're wrong.

Jam is just a poor man's jelly.

- Are you kidding?

[slowed, echoing] Jelly is the worst.

[gasps] - [whimpers]

[gasps] Wait!

Jelly, no!

[somber music]

You see, Parker?

I owe this to Jelly, and I need to make this right.

And I know just the way to do it.

I see now that Jelly is no ordinary canine.

She's the type of dog that needs to be wooed

in order to be your friend.

- And you think making her

this cute little pup uniform will win her over?

- You tell me. - Ooh.

- [snarling]

- Maybe she has one already?

- The Shackleton Squeak Ball...

no dog has ever destroyed it nor resisted it.

- Whoo.

- [panting] [ball squeaks]

- [barks]

[sniffing]

- It's working.

- My gosh, it is. The woo works.

- What is she doing?

[upbeat music]

[ball whistling]

[expl*si*n, people screaming]

Oh, man, that thing's toast-- totally imploded.

- The coup de grâce--

premium grass-fed beef, applewood-smoked bacon,

seared to perfection.

When my grandpop trained wolves, he'd say the way

to a wolf's heart is through the stomach.

Eat well, little wolf.

- [sniffing]

- Where's she going? - Looks like to the bathroom.

Maybe she needs to freshen up before chow?

She's lifting the toilet seat, Angus.

That's a neat trick.

Oh... [water splashes]

She dropped the steak in the toilet water.

I bet it wasn't on purpose, though.

[toilet flushes] Okay, now, that looked

on purpose.

Maybe she's not part wolf?

- That's it. I give up.

I guess I'll just be dog's best friend minus Jelly

for the rest of my life.

- You can't give up now, Angus. - I'm plum out of ideas, kiddo.

- I think I have something that just might work.

- Ah, I don't know about this, Parker.

- Dogs do this all the time. It's how they make friends.

Go on, this is a safe place.

[clears throat] - Oh, right.

Woof, woof. Bow-wow.

- [grunts]

- You're doing great, buddy. Just a little closer.

- Mm-mm, mm-mm.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- [groans]

Nope. Uh-uh. I can't do it.

- You were so close.

- I was too close, Parker, too close.

I just don't get it with this dog.

If she only knew how much the other dogs love me.

Wait a minute. That's it.

Parker, grabbed Jelly.

I got something she needs to see.

[upbeat music]

[dogs grumbling]

Dogs are pack animals, Parker.

No one wants to be the one not following the pack.

Once Jelly sees how much the dogs

of Mount Middlemost love me, she'll fall right in line.

[whistles]

Doggies of Mount Middlemost!

Your friendly neighborhood mailman

is open for scratches and belly rubs!

- [barks]

- Is Jelly watching, Parker? Make sure she's watching.

- She's watching.

- Poochies? [dogs growling]

Ow! Easy! Bubbles!

- Looking good, Angus!

I think they're playing tag,

judging by how many times Angus is being tagged.

[dogs barking, Angus shouting]

[dogs growling]

- Angus, you in there?

- Are they gone? - Yep, all gone.

- You did this.

You turned all those dogs against me.

That's a bad Jelly. Bad.

- [panting]

Ah, shipwreck.

I'm sorry, Jelly. You don't deserve that.

You have every right to hold a grudge against me

for what I said, even if I didn't mean it.

Go on. Don't like me.

I'll just deal with it.

- I like you, Angus. - Thanks, kiddo.

[chuckles] I needed that. [Jelly whimpers]

- Look, Angus, I think Jelly's finally forgiving you.

- Well, I'll be.

She's being nice. I think I won her over, Parker.

- You sure did. Angus and Jelly, future--

Uh, Angus, I think Jelly just wooed on your shoe.

- Whoa.

[laid-back music]

* *

Okay, so, to recap today's crew meeting,

we're gonna fix Burt's leg

after his unfortunate skiing accident.

- Already on it, big guy.

Nice.

- We're gonna stop drinking from the toilet.

- It won't happen again.

- And we all agree one person per bubble bath

from here on out.

Ah, that should do it for today's meeting.

Oh, wait, hold on a minute.

Looks like there's another page we forgot.

- [gasps] What is it? What is it?

- You get a day off work, kiddo.

[fanfare plays]

- [gasps]I do?

Is it because I've been working my little cloud buns off

and doing such a good job on the mail route?

- Uh-huh!

That, and I legally have to give you a day off

once in a while.

- I get a whole day off work. What should I do?

- You can do anything you want. Go to town.

- Nah, I've been to town.

I'll think something more fun to do.

- You enjoy yourself.

Russell and I got to get out there and get working.

- Something I don't have to do. Thanks, Angus.

- Ah, you're welcome, buddy.

- Bye!

[door opens, closes] - Hey, Parker, we're home.

- I'm upstairs, Angus!

- I want to hear

all about the fun things you did on your day off--

- I pretty much just lounged.

- I-I can see that.

- Shh. My favorite new radio show--

I've been listening to it all day.

- Welcome back to "Watching the Grass Grow."

Grass...

it grows...

- Um, Parker, did you--

- Very slowly.

- Did you get off the couch at all today?

- I thought about it.

- Uh, Parker, I don't know how to say this,

but you look, uh...

like you lost your sheep, kiddo.

I think it's from your day off and not doing anything.

- Really? But I feel fine.

[grunting]

[breathing heavily]

[grunting]

- Ah...

Oh, no!

Will I be stuck like this the rest of my life?

- Well, of course not.

One day on the old mail route,

and you'll be right back to your normal form again.

I'm sure of it.

How you doing, Parker?

- [grunting] Crushing it.

- Parker, you coming?

- Right there, Angus.

[grunting]

Ow.

- Package, please. - On it, Angus.

[grunting]

[breathing heavily]

[grunting]

Almost there.

[grunts]

[grunting]

- Uh, you need help, kiddo?

- No, no, I got it. I got it.

[grunting]

Parker, squeeze it in there.

Help.

Angus, where'd you go? - Parker!

- I'm sorry, Angus. - [breathing heavily]

- This is all my fault.

You were nice enough to give me a day off work,

and all I did was sit on my butt.

I can't deliver the mail like this!

Delivering the mail is what we do.

- Hey, hey, hey, don't fret, little nimbus.

There's got to be a way to fix this.

- [sniffles] How?

- I have no idea how to fix this.

But I might know something that might know how.

Hmm.

Okay.

Oh, no, not this page. Hmm.

Turn the page. Nuh-uh.

Oh, maybe here.

Four through... Mm-hmm.

Okay, here we go.

Eureka! Science for the win.

- Well, what's it say? Can it fix Parker?

- It says here that clouds can be reduced and reformed

by applying one of the four phases of matter.

And we all know the four phases of matter.

- Oh, yeah, the matter. - Uh-huh, phases.

- The four ones.

[object whirs]

- The four phases of matter

are solid, liquid, gas, and plasma.

All we need to do is turn Parker

into one of these four matters,

then re-form Parker back into a cloud.

- Ah, gee, I don't know. It sounds kind of dangerous.

- Angus, it's science.

Since when has science ever been dangerous?

Keep pushing guys! Almost there!

[upbeat music]

* *

Hey, it's not so bad in here. Little chilly.

- You should be frozen solid in...

[bell dings] That should do it.

- Did it work?

- That's solid. All right. - Whoo-hoo!

- Now all we have to do is form you back into a cloud.

- Aah!

[chain saw whirring loudly]

- Done.

- [gasps]

Doggone it, it worked.

You're back to your normal shape, Parker.

- I am?

- Hmm, I think I took a little too much off the back.

- For the record, I don't feel great boiling my little nimbus.

- Don't worry, Angus. It doesn't hurt.

[laughing]

- According to the book,

liquid is one of the more finicky phases of matter.

If you heat it too long, you risk--

Oh, no.

- Risk what? Why'd you stop?

- The pages are stuck together. Hold on.

Okay. Hmm... - Risk what? Risk what?

- Wait. There--oh. Hmm.

Here we go.

Evaporation.

- Oh, no! Parker!

Stupid science.

I knew this was a bad idea.

We just boiled my buddy away!

- Parker, you're okay.

Russell, stop that.

Parker?

- Hey, Angus,

I'm sensing it didn't work.

- I have to be honest.

I'm not too impressed with science so far.

This whole turning Parker into different phases of matter

to get the kid shape back seems like a bunch of baloney.

- That's because we haven't tried plasma.

- Hit it, Lily.

[dramatic music]

[alarm blaring] - What is plasma, anyway?

- I have no idea.

* *

[laughing]

* *

- Look, everyone, it worked.

- Wow. Science rocks.

- That's great, kiddo. You're back.

[chuckles] How do you feel?

- I feel great.

[humming]

- Hmm. You hear that? - I don't hear anything.

- Strange. It's an odd hum.

Lily, you hear it?

- Hmm, I do.

It's getting louder.

Russell, do you hear it?

[humming continues]

- Um, what was that fourth phase again?

- Gas-- our last hope.

It breaks my heart to see you go through this, kiddo.

- Don't worry, Angus-- this is gonna work...

because it has to work.

Save the best for last, right, buddy?

- Right, buddy.

- Cannonball!

- [gasps]

[suspenseful music]

[flatulence]

- Parker? [flatulence]

[all cough]

Parker?

- What are you guys looking at?

- Parker! - Did it work?

- It appears so, kiddo.

[flatulence] [gags] Oh, boy, the stink.

- Oh, it didn't work.

Now I just stink.

Lily, what else can we try? There's got to be something.

- I'm sorry, Parker. I'm all out of science.

- It's okay. I know you guys tried.

I caused this mess,

so it's only right that I live in the mess.

- Parker, where are you going?

- It's time to face reality, Angus.

I'll never, ever be my old self again.

From now on, I'll just be Parker J Gascloud.

You can forward all my mail to Old Stinkhole.

- Well, then forward my mail there, too,

and Russell.

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[clears throat forcefully]

- And me.

- Kiddo, the way you look doesn't matter.

The way you smell doesn't matter.

And what shape you are doesn't matter.

We love you for you.

- Really? It doesn't matter?

- It doesn't matter.

- Look, Parker, you're changing.

[dramatic music]

- [sniffs] Hmm. Not so rank.

I think I'm back to my normal self.

- Well, it sure looks and smells like it, kiddo.

- I think you two just stumbled on the fifth phase of matter--

the doesn't matter.

- [gasps] Did we just master science?

- I think we did.

- Whoo! Science. - Whoo-hoo!

[both laughing]

[upbeat rock music]

* *