01x17 - Dolores Moody/P.I.R.A.T.E.

[bunniefuu]

- * Once there was a captain *

* He was a serious dude *

* Well, he crashed into a mountain *

* But, man, it lightened the mood *

* Speaking of lightening the mood *

* Speaking of thunderous joy *

* In comes Parker J, a raincloud *

* Looking for new employ *

* The beardful captain said, "Hey!" *

* The cheerful raincloud said, "Hi!" *

* The started working together *

* What a magical sight *

* The Middlemost Post *

* Ah *

* The Middlemost Post *

* Ah *

[jazz music]

* *

- Ready to do this, Parker?

- Yep. I got this.

[upbeat music]

Delivery! Here's your mail.

- Thanks, Parker. - [laughs]

- Thanks, Parker.

- Mail for Mr. Meat Vendor.

- Ooh, a letter from my mom. [grunts]

- Goo, goo, goo, gah, gah. - Delivery!

- Ah! - Oh!

- [gasps]

- [laughs]

- Well, that's that. - [burps]

- [gasps] A bonus letter?

- For Dolores Moody. Oh, no.

- Can I deliver it, Angus? Can I, can I, can I?

- Okay, but don't get upset if she--

- Thanks, Angus!

[knocks]

- What?

- Hi, Dolores. It's me, Parker J Cloud.

Delivering your daily mail.

Ah, beautiful day, isn't it?

So what do have you planned? Any fun activities?

- No.

- Oh, it's okay, Parker.

We know you tried your darndest to make Ms. Moody happy.

The thing is some people are just unhappy.

- Like Dolores?

- Exactly. Come on, Kiddo.

- Could be Dolores is unhappy because she lost something

really, really important to her,

like a golf ball or one of her hats.

You just never know.

- Well, that'll be her business.

- Maybe Dolores is sad all the time because she's hungry.

I mean, you get super hangry

when you don't eat on the reg, Angus.

- I do not. Right, Russell?

- [grunts] - [sighs]

Well, Parker, I know making people happy is your jam,

but not all pieces of toast want jam.

Some pieces of toast want to be left alone,

and we should respect that toast.

You get what I'm saying?

- You want me to ask Ms. Pam for more jam.

- Ah, no, I--

ooh, actually, I could use a little more jam.

Thanks, buddy. - You got it, Angus.

Happy to make you happy.

- Eh, can't fault the kid for trying.

[both eating loudly]

[knocks]

- What?

- Special delivery for Dolores Moody.

One big smile to make you smile.

- [grunting] Huh?

Hi there!

I'll take the trash out for you.

- [grumbles]

- I can clean your dishes for you.

Would that make you happy?

- Ah!

- Eeh!

* *

Who loves chocolates?

Okay, so chocolates do not make Dolores happy.

- What are you up to, Cloud?

- Nothing. Just trying to make you happy.

- Ugh, well, stop it. - Stop what?

- Trying to make me happy.

- Hmm, she's right, Russell.

We've been going about this all wrong.

You can't make somebody happy until you know

what makes them unhappy.

Are you ready to follow Dolores's every move

to find out what makes her unhappy

so we can find out what makes her happy?

- [toots happily]

- * She's gonna be so happy, she's gonna be so happy *

* She's gonna be so happy *

- Dolores. - Doug.

- Huh, people are nice to Dolores.

Well, that can't be what's making her unhappy.

Oof.

Looks like Dolores has a job.

With a job you make money, and with money,

you can literally buy happiness.

Not to mention jobs are super fun.

So why does she still look upset?

Huh, looks like we're gonna

have to get up close and personal.

It doesn't make any sense, Russell.

Dolores eats at the Middlemost Toast,

and we all know it's impossible

to be unhappy while eating toast.

- The usual, Dolores? - Mm-hmm.

- Coming right up.

- That was a close one, girl. She almost heard us.

- I did hear you.

- Ah! Hi.

- I thought I told you stop trying to make me happy.

- We did.

Now we're trying to find out what makes you unhappy.

Once we know that, we'll do the opposite,

and you'll be happy. Pretty smart, huh?

Hey, wait. Dolores, you forgot your toast!

- Ugh.

- Russell and I paid your bill, too,

because--oof--you know, you didn't pay.

Ow. No judgment.

Oof!

Okay, this might blow your mind

but I was unhappy once too. - No one asked.

- I was born a rain cloud, and all I did

was rain and rain. - Don't care.

- I made a lot of people, really sad,

and that made me super sad.

All I'm saying is I know what it feels like

to be unhappy. It's awful.

Being happy is so much better.

- And what exactly is there to be happy about?

Living with a roommate who plays smooth jazz

all night long on their stupid saxophone?

Should that make me happy? - Well--

- What about working a job where your boss

tells lame dad jokes all day long and insists

he wasn't the one who pooted when we all know he pooted.

- Well-- - Oh.

I should be happy about my house,

which has a beautiful -degree view of other rocks.

Speaking of rocks, I sleep on a rock.

So forgive me for not being happy.

- We...did it!

We found out what makes Dolores unhappy!

* She is gonna be so happy * - Leave!

- Now let's go make her the happiest lady

in the whole world.

- Dolores doesn't like working here?

- Yeah, she says your jokes are super lame,

so if you could stop making those,

I think she'd be a lot happier. - But everybody loves my jokes.

- By everyone, do you mean dads?

- Bed, rock.

Oh, bedrock.

Oh yes. [chuckles]

oh, good one.

- Wow. - Thanks for listening.

- Ooh, I almost forgot.

We all smelt it, and we all know you dealt it.

Think about it. Bye.

[smooth jazz music]

- Ah! Uh...

- Hello, friend. - Ah.

- Afraid your smooth jazz days have come to an end.

Don't worry though. I have a plan for you.

- [blows discordant note]

- What do you mean I've been replaced?

- We decided to go in a new direction

with your position.

- Hi, I'm Agnes, Agnes Broody.

- You're f*ring me?

- That reminds me of the joke

about the milk man who got laid off.

Turns out he was skimming off the top.

- [laughs] - Oh, genius, genius.

[loud flatulence]

- Really, Dolores? Come on.

- [growls]

Ah! Ugh.

Huh? Where's my house?

"Enjoy the view"?

[gasps]

[growls]

Oof. What is going on today?

- Pretty comfy, huh?

- Who is that? Where are you?

- [laughs]

Does it feel like you're sleeping on a cloud?

Because you are. - [screams]

- I got rid of your rock bed. Goodbye sleepless nights.

- You. Have you lost your mind?

- Hm.

No, it's right here.

[gasps] You hear that?

No more smooth jazz. - What'd you do to Larry?

- Let's just say Larry's in a better place now.

- It was you, wasn't it? You talked to my boss.

- I sure did. Happy now?

I'll take that as a no.

[knocks] - Coming.

- Is this your cloud? - Parker, what's going on?

- I'll tell you what's going on.

Your little pal here ruined my entire life.

The cloud moved my house to the top of Nedsuvious!

- But those views!

- Then kidnapped my roommate and got me fired from my job.

- Parker, is that true? - Totally and completely true.

But I was only trying to make her happy, Angus.

- Happy?

News flash, I'm more unhappy now

than I've ever been in my entire life,

and it's all because of you.

[voice echoing] You, you, you.

More unhappy, more unhappy.

Ugh!

- [sobbing]

I made Dolores' life more unhappy?

But that's not my jam. That's the opposite of my jam.

- There, there. Don't get all worked up now.

- You must be so mad at me, Angus.

- I'm not mad at you, kiddo. I'm more, what's the word?

- Unhappy? I did it to you too?

[melancholic music]

- Where were you during all this?

- [grunts] - [sighs]

- [sobbing]

Okay, Parker, tell me what happened.

- I tried to make Dolores happy,

but instead I made her unhappy, and that made you unhappy

and I hate making you unhappy

because when you're unhappy, I'm unhappy.

I should have just stayed a rain cloud!

[sobbing]

- [laughing] Whoo!

[laughing]

[gargles]

- Well, will you look at that.

It appears Dolores Moody likes the rain.

- Why would she like the rain?

- It does get pretty darn hot over in Red Ridge.

I mean a little sprinkle would make me happy.

- You think she's happy?

- [chuckles] You tell me.

- * La, la, la, la, la * [laughs]

- She--she is happy.

- [laughing]

Hey, what happened to the rain?

- Oops, sorry, Dolores!

- Okay, let's do this, Cloud.

- You got it, Dolores!

[upbeat music]

- Hey there, Dolores. - Hey, Doug.

- Whoo! Sounding great, Larry.

- You were right, Parker. This was a better place.

- Happy to make you happy, Lar.

- Man, that's some terrible saxophone.

- Oh yeah. The worst.

[laughter]

[dramatic music]

* *

- Angus? - Yeah, bud?

- When I get older, do you think

I'll have my own ship on top of a mountain?

- I don't see why not.

- Ooh, and you and Russell could live there too.

- That's kind of what we have right now, buddy.

[screams]

My ship, it's gone!

- Our home. - [whimpers]

- Oh, no! That's--what?

No, somebody stole

my beautiful, beautiful ship!

- What kind of monster would do such a thing?

- I'll tell you who. Pirates.

Dirty, thieving pirates.

- Wow, you know what pirate footprints look like?

- No, but I know what a pirate wallet looks like.

- How are we ever gonna find him, Angus?

- I have a pretty good idea

where those barnacle scabs went.

- So are you gonna tell me, or do I have to guess?

- Pirates have been trying to steal the SS "Steadfast"

from my family for generations.

Looks like they finally tracked the old girl down.

- There they are. Land pirates dead ahead!

- Oh, no, they're headed for Lake Purpleton.

We gotta stop 'em before they get our ship

on the water or else. - Or else what?

- Sea law article four section D states

if a pirate successfully moves the ship

to a new body of water,

that ship becomes rightfully theirs.

- That doesn't make any sense, Angus.

- I didn't write the sea law, Parker.

I only abide by it. - Whoo-hoo!

Parker, rope. - Aye, aye, Captain.

Whoa, whoa!

* *

It's working, Angus!

- Keep pulling kiddo. We got this.

Heave! - Ho!

- Heave!

- Ho!

- Heave! - Ho!

- Heave!

Heave. - No.

- Heave. - No.

- This is stupid.

Show yourselves, you scallywags.

- Who you calling a scallywag, you scurvy dog?

I am the pirate Captain Chestbeard.

- Cool, a pirate! - Parker!

- But under these circumstances,

not cool, man. Not cool.

- This is my loyal seafaring companion...

- So cute.

- Clubber Lang.

- Eeh, ow, ow, ugh. Not so cute.

- You three landlubbers are trespassing on my property.

- Your property?

The SS "Steadfast" is my ship, you bilge rat.

- I beg to differ. Tell him Mitch.

- Who's this guy? - This Mitch, me lawyer.

- Hello. - Go on, Mitch.

Show him that the ship is mine.

Uh...

Crud. - Mitch!

Ah, forget it.

I'll explain in a flashback. It'll be quicker.

Years ago, me ancestor Captain Neckbeard

sailed the jolly, old "Steadfast"

to the Shackleton Used Boat Lot.

He was looking to kick a few keels,

but he was not there to buy.

Your great-great-uncle, Haggis Shackleton,

convinced me ancestor to trade up for a better ship.

The shiesty Shackleton swore on his family name

that it was a good deal.

It was not a good deal!

- [gasps]

Is the flashback true, Angus?

Did a shiesty Shackleton swindle the SS "Steadfast"

from a scallywag? - Of course not, Parker.

The SS "Steadfast" was built by Shackletons,

and there's not a shiesty Shackleton in the bunch.

- We was hornswoggled. - We was not.

[both grumbling]

[both growling]

- [growls] - Uh...

- You and I both know there's only one way

to solve this here problem.

I invoke sea law article nine

section R and challenge you to a game of PIRATE.

- Awesome! Wait, what's a game of PIRATE?

- According to sea law article nine section R,

both parties will arrange a crew of--

- Today, Mitch!

- Basically, PIRATE is just a sad knockoff

of the game HORSE.

You do a bunch of weird pirate challenges against one another.

If you lose a challenge, you get a letter.

If you spell the word, you lose the game.

If you lose the game, you lose the ship.

[dramatic music]

- Too late for dramatics, Mitch.

- Hm. - Oh, what?

This has been here the whole time?

- Yeah, all vessels are required to have one.

Sea law article .

- I'm starting to love the sea law.

- What do you say, kiddo? Ready to get our ship back?

- Yee, yee!

[together] Let the pirate games begin.

- Walk the plank.

* *

- [smooches]

[upbeat music]

* *

[dramatic music]

- Blow me down.

- [breathes deeply] [coughs]

* *

- [blows intensely] - [screams]

* *

- Batton down the hatches.

[upbeat music]

* *

- Show me your knots.

[elegant music]

- Simon says.

- Simon says hop on one foot.

Now twirl around.

Squawk. Simon didn't say.

- Rrr off.

- Yarr. - Arr.

[both sustaining syllable]

Ugh, ugh.

[laughter]

- High five, Mitch.

Come on. Don't leave me hanging.

- [grumbles]

- Come on, you two. We gotta step it up.

My family legacy is on the line,

and we're losing. - We are?

But we have more letters than them.

- Parker, you want less letters.

- We're losing!

[dramatic music]

* *

- Arr! - Arr!

- Arr! - Oh, yeah!

* *

- Looks like it all comes down to the final spin.

Winner sails the "Steadfast" into the sunset.

Loser walks home forlorn.

- Hope you brought your walking boots then.

[sighs]

- Angus, what if we lose?

I don't want to lose our home. I like having a home.

- Have a little faith, Parker.

Whoo-hoo, anchor toss, yes!

- Are we to win? - You betcha.

I tossed anchors in high school.

They used to call me Anchor Shackleton.

* *

- You're the best, Angus! You got this, buddy!

- How come ye never support me like that, Mitch?

- I don't necessarily like you.

- Aye, me neither.

- [grunting]

Anchor's away!

- Whoa! Nice throw, Anchor.

- Like I said, piece of cake.

- Not bad for using your hands.

- Huh?

- [inhales deeply]

[growls]

- The chest beard.

- [grunting]

- Where'd it go? - Wait for it.

both: Whoa.

- I tossed anchors in college.

They don't call me Chestbeard for nothing.

We win. You lose.

Now get off my ship.

- My ship. My family legacy gone.

- But that's our home, Angus.

They can't take it from us, can they?

- Afraid they can kiddo.

- [sobbing] I hate you sea law!

[sobs] - There, there, little nimbus.

We're gonna be okay.

- But we have no place to live now

and no place to work. We have nothing.

- Nonsense. We have each other.

And as long as we have each other,

we have everything.

- And if we have everything,

we don't need a ship to live in, right?

- Exactly.

The ship is just a ship. We'll be just fine without her.

- Huh?

- Arr, you hornswoggled me, Shackleton.

The boat has a giant hole in the bottom.

It can't float. - Oh, right.

[chuckles]

It does have a hole, doesn't it?

- Sorry about that, matey.

- [grumbles]

- Uh, you guys need a lawyer? - Mitch!

- Angus, does this mean we get to keep our home?

Sea law article chapter four

states finders keepers, losers weepers.

It's ours forever, kiddo, hole and all.

- Yay! - Okay.

Now all we have to do is get our girl

back to the top of the mountain.

- Great. How are we gonna do that?

- I have no idea. - We can help.

- Awesome. - [screams]