01x19 - Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow/Dentist Trip

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Once there was a captain ♪

♪ He was a serious dude ♪

♪ Well he crashed into a mountain ♪

♪ Man it lightened the mood ♪

♪ Speaking of lightening the mood ♪

♪ Speaking of thunderous joy ♪

♪ In comes Parker J, a raincloud ♪

♪ Looking for new employ ♪

♪ The beardful captain said, "Hey!" ♪

♪ The cheerful raincloud said, "Hi!" ♪

♪ They started working together ♪

♪ What a magical sight ♪

♪ The Middlemost Post, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ♪

♪ The Middlemost Post ♪

♪ Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh ♪

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

- [hums]

The perfect amount of water equals the perfect garden.

- Angus! [water splashes]

Angus!

- Ooh! - Please don't be mad,

but I did something really, really dumb.

I opened the tomb of a mummy,

and the mummy followed me home, and now it's trying to eat me!

[screams] - [braying]

- The mummy! It found us!

Don't worry. I'll protect you.

Hiya! Hiya! - [braying]

- Parker, toilet paper doesn't grow on trees.

- You sure about that? - [sighs] You know what I mean.

[wind whooshing] - Not really.

- Kiddo, I'm the one that has to buy the toilet paper

and make sure we have enough of it.

So when you mummify Russell with our TP,

you're giving your best bud here extra work.

- I'm sorry, Angus.

I didn't mean to make things harder for you.

Let me buy some more toilet paper.

It's the least I could do.

Where do you buy toilet paper? Is there a toilet paper store?

How much does it cost? Can I borrow some money?

- Why don't you let the adults worry about the adult stuff?

Like stocking toilet paper and putting food in the fridge.

- You put all that food in the fridge?

Get out!

- Trust me, it'll make more sense when you're all grown up.

Come on, Russell. I gotta go to the bathroom.

[laughs] It's a joke! - [giggles]

- Ah, cheese and crackers, mummies have no sense of humor.

[rooster crows]

- [gasps] Oh. My.

Cloud hair.

I'm all grown-up!

Yes! [loud clattering]

Morning, Angus. - Morning, kiddo.

- Ah, nothing like sharing a cuppa joe

and reading birdcage liner first thing in the morn'.

- You're drinking coffee now? - Oh, yeah.

Gotta have my jitter juice. Can't start my day without it.

[slurps]

- How's it taste?

- [strained] Delicious.

- Parker, coffee's for adults, not for kids.

- [yawns]

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

- What am I looking at here?

- I think it's pretty obvious, Angus.

I'm an adult now. Peep my pit hair.

- Well, I'll be a big-mouthed bluegill.

That is a hair. Can't deny that.

- Yup. Came in overnight. First of many probably.

- Where are you off to? - The store.

Gotta stock up on some toilet paper for the ship.

It's what adults do.

- Sure is, buddy. Don't worry, girl.

The hair will fall off eventually,

and this will all go away.

Trust me.

- Good afternoon, Doug.

Salutations, Florence.

Greetings, Lady-I-Don't-Know-Name-Of.

- This is my blackened brisket rump.

Extra rumpy. - Mmm.

[munches loudly]

Too spicy for me.

Do you have any grilled cheese?

- Move it along, junior.

Us adults have got things to do.

Like buy toilet paper.

Kids, right?

- You want your usual chocolate frosted frankfurter?

- Nah, not today.

Need to start watching the old "lbs," you know what I mean?

- Give me that!

- I'll do the lean chicken thigh, no skin,

cut in cubes, stick on the side.

[munches loudly] Ugh!

- PJC!

It's the end of the month, and you know what that means.

All expired toast must go.

Quitters!

I know how much you love to jump around

in my dumpster, squashing bread.

It's all yours.

- Sorry, I'm a little too grown up

to do silly things like that anymore.

But if I see any youths while on my way to do adult stuff,

I'll send 'em right over.

Bye, Pam. - Pam?

- Hello, Lily. - Hi, Parker.

You're just in time.

I'm putting the finishing touches

on my new invention.

It's called a Diss Man.

Can't think of a sick burn? Fear no more.

Just push the button on the Diss Man

and watch it serve up a real zinger of a diss.

- You're a dumb-dumb stupid head.

[people cheering]

- Burn. [snorts]

- That's cute, Lily,

but I'm actually here for something important.

What aisle do you keep your toilet paper in?

- I don't carry toilet paper. - No?

Gee, Lily, you really should consider carrying more items

that adults, like myself, actually need,

like candles, moisturizer, nose hair trimmers.

[saw whirring]

- But Parker, you're not an adult.

- The hair don't lie, Lily. The hair don't lie.

Gotta run. Don't be a stranger now.

And think about what I said, okay?

[chuckles] See ya!

- [sadly] Burn.

- Man, this week's crossword puzzle is a real thinker,

but, boy, is it satisfying when you complete one.

Done! - Nice work, kiddo.

- Angus, can you not call me "kiddo" anymore?

Or "little nimbus"? It makes me sound like a--

- Kid? - Exactly.

- And you're an adult.

- Through and through.

- Because of that hair underneath your armpit.

- Uh-huh.

- Hey, uh, can I see that hair again?

- Oh, sure thing, pal. [gasps]

It's gone! What happened?

Where'd it go? What does this mean?

- Well, maybe it means you're not quite ready

to be an adult yet.

- So I'm still a kid?

- Ah, for the time being, it appears so.

- Angus, do you mind if I go to bed early?

I know that's something adults do, but...

[sniffles] I'd like to do it too.

- Sure thing, Parker.

- [mews] - What?

This time tomorrow, the little nimbus

will forget this even happened.

I'm an adult, Russell. I know these things.

[crickets chirping]

[rooster crows]

- Is that a...hair?

And it's on my face?

Yes!

- There's a clear gap between what the science says

and what the people are asking for.

- What we need is a concerted effort

on the part of an international community

to formalize cooperation.

- I hear that.

Also, birds are the worst. Am I right?

Don't you hate it when they fly right through you

without even saying sorry?

[bell chimes]

What's the rest the day looking like, fellas?

Where we off to?

- Home. - Nice, nice.

Get the crew together, grab our motorcycles,

ride some hogs. I'm down.

What about you, Peevers?

You down to clown with a couple of cool adults

like Terry and me? [bike horn honks]

- Oh. Oh, that's a good one. [laughter]

- You hear that, Terry? The cloud thinks it's an adult.

- We just got our mustaches trimmed.

Of course I'm an adult. - [laughs]

The kid thinks that is a mustache!

- Maybe it's not a full mustache yet, but it will be.

More hairs are coming. One here.

One over here. Probably one here.

- You're not an adult. - Sure I am.

- Uh, adults don't live with postmen and walruses, cloud.

[laughter] - They don't?

- [hums]

The perfect amount of water equals the perfect garden.

[paper airplane whistles] [water splashes]

Ow! Who threw that?

"I've Moved! Please join me for a Housewarming Party.

Hosted by Parker J. Cloud"?

Well, the address on this flyer can't be right, girl,

because if it was,

it would mean Parker's home is right--

Old Stinkhole?

- Hey, you made it!

Come on up!

Welcome to mi casa!

- Huh.

Parker, how'd you get this home?

- It's surprisingly simple, Angus.

Baklava, anyone?

- Oh.

Parker--

- Glass of water?

Ah, bubbling, right?

[inhales deeply] [water bubbling]

- Parker, what do you think you're doing?

- Hosting a housewarming party!

- No!

I--I mean, what are you doing

thinking it's okay to move out on your own?

- Well, it was brought to my attention

that adults live on their own

and not with other adults and walruses.

No offense, of course.

- Now I know you think you're an adult

because of that hair on your face--

- It is growing in nice.

- It's not growing at all, Parker!

That's not your hair!

It's one of my hairs stuck on your face!

Just like the other one that was stuck under your armpit.

- I think we all know

why you're reacting like this, Angus.

It's hard to see your little nimbus become a big nimbus.

But it's a natural part of life, big guy.

We all need to grow up a little and accept that.

Ow!

Wait, how come that didn't hurt?

[tense music]

It's not mine?

It's all a lie?

If my hair isn't real, what is real?

Is this real?

What about this?

Is this real?

Ahh!

Is this baklava real?

[munches sadly]

- Well, those were actually quite delicious.

- [sobbing]

- I--I'm sorry, kiddo.

I should have said something earlier.

Why do you wanna be an adult so bad anyway?

Being a kid is a lot more fun.

- I wanted to help you, Angus.

You buy all the toilet paper.

You get all the food and put it in the fridge.

You make sure we have everything we need.

I don't do anything.

- Nonsense.

You do exactly what you're supposed to do.

- [sniffles] What's that?

- Be you. That's all I want.

That's all I need.

Parker J. Cloud,

my little nimbus who brightens our day.

- [gasps] - Right, Russell?

- [slurps]

You be a kid as long as you need to be, Parker.

- Thanks, Angus.

You keep being old too. - Right.

Huh, you never did tell me how you managed to buy this home.

- You have to buy homes?

- What are you doing in my house?

- See ya back at the ship!

[nervous laughter]

[both scream]

- Hi, Lily.

- You're a dumb-dumb stupid head.

[air horn blares] - You're right.

I am a dumb-dumb stupid head.

Probably the worst friend ever.

Nope, nope. I am the worst friend ever.

I just called it.

As your worst friend ever, I'd love to get a second chance.

If you'll let me, of course.

I know something really, really fun we can do together.

Whee! - Yay!

Whee! Yay! - Whoo-hoo!

- Kids. So stupid.

- Yeah, I hear that. - Wanna jump in there

when they're done? - Yup.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

[knocks on door]

- Ooh, I'll get it! I'll get it!

- Who is it, Parker?

- It's a giant tooth! - Oh, okay.

- Hi. I'm Toothy, the nicest tooth in town,

here to remind...

Russell that she's due for her yearly dentist appointment

tomorrow at "tooth-hurty."

- Okay.

Angus. - Ah, let me guess,

Russell's due for her dentist appointment.

- Wow! How'd you know?

- I figured, why else would a giant tooth drop by?

- You hear that, girl? You're going to the dentist!

Angus, what's a dentist?

- Well, it's a doctor. For your teeth.

- Cool! Wait, how come I never go to the dentist?

- Oh, because your teeth are made of cloud, kiddo.

[wind whooshing]

- Oh, yeah.

Lily, guess who got the last two Kandy Kielbasas

from the meat vendor?

- Yum.

We should probably learn the meat vendor's name.

- Eh, probably.

[teeth cracks] [record scratches]

- Ow. - What happened?

- It's nothing. Just a bad tooth.

- You know, you should see a dentist.

That's a doctor for teeth.

Russell's seeing one tomorrow.

Hey!

- What do you know about these...dentists?

- Mm, not much, but Angus says they're pretty nice.

- Lies. All lies.

Parker, I think it's time you learned the "tooth"

about the tooth industry.

People think that dentists want to help us

by cleaning and fixing our teeth,

but it's all a conspiracy manufactured by Big Tooth.

Dentists brainwash you into thinking

that your teeth are bad when they're really not.

- [gasps]

- They want you to buy more toothbrushes,

toothpaste, and dental floss.

Don't you see, Parker?

That's Big Tooth's big plan.

They'll even go as far as to blame you

for not keeping your teeth clean.

- No! - Even worse,

they'll blame your rotten teeth on sugar.

- That's crazy! What did sugar ever do to them?

- Make them rich, Parker.

Filthy rich!

- Lily, have you ever been to a dentist?

- Not once.

And look how good my teeth are.

[fly buzzes]

- I gotta tell Angus this!

- Angus knows, Parker. All adults know.

Who do you think funds Big Tooth?

- Nooo!

Okay, that's it.

Russell is not going to the dentist, not on my watch.

If Angus wants to take her,

he'll have to get through me first!

I cannot believe you walked right through me, Angus.

- Parker, you were blocking the door

and we were late for Russell's appointment.

- "Appointment"?

Is that what we're calling it now?

- I told you, kiddo. It's just a tooth cleaning.

- That's exactly what Big Tooth wants you to believe!

- [sighs]

- Russell the Walrus? This way, please.

- Parker, where are you goin'?

- Someone needs to make sure

Russell doesn't get brainwashed.

- Russell will be just fine. Sit.

So what do you feel like for dinner?

Hmm. The silent treatment, huh?

Okay. Well, tacos it is.

- Don't worry, girl.

I'll be inside your tum-tum the whole time,

keeping watch.

- Hi, Russell! Nice to see you again, dear.

- [bleats] - I missed you too.

Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

[dramatic music]

- [imitates radio static] This is Parker J. Cloud

on guard here to protect my best bud from Big Tooth.

[mimics radio static] Over.

- Just take a deep breath and relax, hun.

Then we'll get those teeth nice and clean.

♪ ♪

[goggles shatter] - Whoa!

Hmm, something smells funny.

That's a funny word.

Funny!

Fun-ny. Fun knees.

Hey, my knees feel weird.

Whoa, I look soft.

I am soft!

[projector clicking] Ooh, movie time!

- ♪ Once there was a captain ♪

♪ He was a serious dude ♪

- There's Angus!

Hi, Angus! [gasps]

- ♪ Man it lightened the mood ♪

♪ Speaking of lightening the mood ♪

- Hey, that's me! Hi, Parker J. Cloud!

- Yeesh. These teeth are a wreck.

- [hums] - [distorted] Wreck! Wreck!

Wreck!

- Hey! That was my jam!

Whoa!

What's happening?

[clucks]

Whoa!

[thunder rumbling] [whimpers]

[humming] [rain pattering]

[gasps] - Ugh! My hair!

Oh, I hate the rain! - Sorry!

Oh, no! Huh?

Hello!

- Stupid rain! - [gasps]

[whimpers]

- You ruined my day, cloud! - I'm sorry!

- Hey! - Sorry!

- Go away, rain! - [gasps]

I'm sorry, everyone.

- This day is totally ruined,

and it's all because of you, cloud!

- I'm a raincloud. I'm supposed to rain!

- Hello! I hate the rain!

- Leave, rain! - Get out of here!

- Go away! [angry grumbling]

- Don't come back. - I hate getting wet.

- I don't know what else to do!

[sobbing]

I'd like to go home now, please!

I don't wanna watch anymore!

[panting]

[yelps]

all: [chanting] Rain, rain, go away.

Come again another day!

[spooky music]

♪ ♪

[screams]

- Angus! - [gasps]

- [evil laughter]

- [whimpering]

- [screams]

- [evil laughter]

[both scream]

[evil laughter]

- [screams]

[sighs] Phew.

Oh, my cloud. It was me.

I was the storm that shipwrecked Angus

on Mt. Middlemost.

- Parker. - [screams]

- How come you look so disappointed?

- Because I am disappointed.

Very disappointed.

In you. For what you did.

- I know, I know, I know! You probably hate me!

- Hate you? I could never hate you.

- Well, you should! - For hiding out in Russell

during her teeth cleaning?

[choir vocalizing]

- Oh, right. That, yeah. [chuckles nervously]

Uh, yeah, y--you should totally hate me for that.

And nothing way worse. Like, sooo much worse.

- If something bad happened to you,

I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

- I might not deserve your forgiveness.

- Kiddo, I seriously doubt there's anything you could do

that your old pal, Angus, couldn't forgive.

- Don't be so sure, big guy.

- Yep, it was me, Lily.

[sniffles] All me!

[blows nose]

I must have been so ashamed that I blanked it out.

Poor Angus has no idea that his little nimbus

is the one who shipwrecked him on this mountain.

I ruined his life! I have to tell him.

If I keep it a secret, it'll eat me alive.

- Told you dentists were evil.

[teeth cracks] Ow.

- You all right, PJC?

You've been staring at the menu forever now.

- Miss Pam, if you did the worst thing in the world

to someone you really cared about

but they didn't know you did that thing,

how would you tell them?

- I'd give them a full loaf

of my "Sorry, I Ruined Your Life Toast."

Forgiveness is baked right into the crust!

- Wow, you think if Angus ate a loaf of that toast,

he'd forgive me?

- Eh, he'll take a long nap, that's for sure.

And you can't be mad at someone when you're napping.

[melancholic music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

- Hey, Parker! There you are.

Where ya been? - I've been trying

to figure out how to tell you something, Angus.

Something really, really horrible that I did.

- Well, gee, Parker, I--I-- I've never seen you like this.

What is it, kiddo? You can tell me.

- I will, but you gotta eat all this first.

- "Sorry I Ruined Your Life Toast"?

Parker, what's going on?

- [sobbing]

I shipwrecked you, Angus! - You did what?

- The storm that crashed your ship on Mt. Middlemost,

that was me!

I did it!

I got really sad because people hated me

when I was a raincloud,

and I didn't want to do it anymore.

And I started storming, and I couldn't stop,

but I wanted to stop, but I didn't stop.

And now, you're stuck on top of this mountain forever

and don't get to do all the things you love anymore!

[sobbing]

- Parker.

I know.

- You know? What do you mean you know?

- I know you were the storm that landed us here.

I have always known.

- Wait, what? You did?

- Well, sure I did, kiddo. Don't you remember that night?

- I am Parker J. Cloud! And I am also this storm!

- Oh, right. I kinda remember that now.

- Eh, you also put it on your résumé

when you applied for the job.

- "Wrecked the S.S. Steadfast."

But Angus, if you knew all this time,

why would you ever want me around?

Especially after what I did.

- Well, you shipwrecking Russell and I was an accident.

A happy accident.

- Happy? - Sure.

Well, without the storm, we would have never met.

Eh, we're all here because of you, Parker.

And I wouldn't want a life any other way.

- You mean it? - You betcha.

[sentimental music]

♪ ♪

Mmm.

[snoring] - Wow, that toast does work!

[quirky music]

♪ ♪