01x09 - Deerfest: Part One

[bunniefuu]

[BELL ON DOOR JINGLES]

[BELL ON DOOR JINGLES]

Hey, Mr. Johnson. Are you still open?

You're the kid that tried to cr*ck
open the machine with a screwdriver.

Yeah, I'm Xander. I didn't
know if you'd remember me.

Uh, I got "Gum" from the MORPHO.

And you took my photo, but then

you never put it on
your wall. [CHUCKLES]

Whoa. Sweet sword, Mr. Johnson.

Yeah.

I bought it off Giorgio,

thinking I could maybe use it
to saw people in half, but, um...

Oh, right. You had your
big magic show tonight.

Sorry. [CHUCKLES] I wanted
to come, but I was working.

Well, you didn't miss much.
Most of my tricks didn't work.

I'm starting to think I might
not be a magician after all.

Maybe this will cheer you up.

The antenna was busted when I found it,

but I figured out how to fix it.

You know what I used?

Gum.

[XANDER GRUNTS]

You thought this would cheer me up?

Well, I thought you might want
it, to go with the other one.

- The other what?
- The other machine.

- What makes you think this goes with that?
- Look inside.

Ta-da!

What are you thinking about?

Are you thinking about how
your mother betrayed you

and tried to turn the
whole town against you?

- [SIGHS] Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I thought
you might be thinking about.

- What are you thinking about?
- I'm thinking about that too, yeah.

And just feeling utterly
enraged on your behalf.

Uh, see, I think after this, I'm
gonna have to cut your mother off.

Not have her around for dinner or
talk to her at all anymore, maybe.

You'd do that for me?

It would be a great sacrifice...

- [CHUCKLES]
- ... but I'd be willing to try.

I've also been thinking about this
minor revelation that I had tonight.

[DUSTY INHALES SHARPLY]

- When Mr. Johnson had me up on stage...
- Mm-hmm.

... and was making me remember

what it felt like to
be skiing at Whistler,

it was like something shifted inside me.

So? What does that mean?

You wanna go back to Whistler?

No. I don't know what it means.

What did it mean to you
when you got "Royalty"?

You wanna ask me now?

I am. I'm asking you now,

which I know is very
late, but I do wanna know.

[SIGHS]

I think I just felt like I
had some value or something.

You didn't feel like you had any value?

N-No. No, I did.

Something shifted in me too,

and I felt like maybe it
was okay to wanna be...

seen.

It's... That's pathetic, but...

No. No, that's not pathetic.

It's not. Hey, you wanna talk
pathetic? Let's talk about Giorgio, huh?

Swanning around in his big
wig like a p*rn John Travolta,

stuffing God-knows-what
down his underpants.

Wait. Giorgio wears a wig?

- Yes! I've been dying to tell you...
- [LAUGHING]

... but so much other
stuff has been happening.

Just, um, FYI, I still sleep next door.

You guys literally
couldn't be any louder.

Sorry, sweetie. We'll shut up.

Yeah, we were just
talking revelations, honey.

Is your revelation that it's : a.m.?

No, no. No, I was
just saying to your mom

that maybe everything
is not quite as it seems.

Whoa. Yeah, that's deep.

You know what? Yeah, I changed my mind.

I'm actually glad you
woke me up for this.

No, no, no. Listen,
listen. What I'm saying is,

what if "Teacher/Whistler" doesn't
really mean "Teacher/Whistler"?

[CASS, TRINA] Mmm.

Just like "Royalty" doesn't
literally mean "Royalty."

Maybe "Potter" doesn't
literally mean "Potter."

I didn't get "Potter." I got "Liar,"

which I'm assuming
had to do with the fact

that I was cheating on Kolton with
his twin brother before he d*ed

and lying to him about it and
lying to everyone about it,

and I've been seeing Jacob and lying
to everyone about that ever since.

But if you have a different
interpretation of what "Liar" could mean,

I would love to hear it.

- I would have to have a think about that.
- Mmm.

Oh, my God.

Trina, I'm... I'm so sorry. [STAMMERS]

Why are you sorry?

Because...

I'm sorry that you felt
like you couldn't come

and talk to us about this.

I just feel like,
"Oh, f*ck. We really...

We really dropped the ball on this."

- Mm-hmm.
- It's okay. I'm, like, fine.

- [DUSTY] Oh.
- [CRIES]

[CASS GRUNTS] Mmm.

You know, I don't know
if now is the right time,

but I've... I've always
thought that Jacob

was a better fit for you, as it happens.

I... I'd say that now... now's
not the right time to say that.

- [TRINA] I would agree. [SNIFFLING]
- [CASS] Oh.

"This is a new day in
Deerfield," Mayor Izzy proclaimed

while fixing my gaze
with a roguish smile.

I took another sip of my ashwagandha tea

as I waited for her to continue.

"Apparently," she sputtered, "the
silent majority of MORPHO Mistrusters

has called for a return to normalcy... "

Nobody is calling for that.

"... which is why she feels
she has no other choice

but to continue on as mayor

and proceed with preparations
for this year's Deerfest.

Natalie Pearl, Deerfield Digest."

- [STAMMERS] Yeah, but... [SCOFFS]
- Thank you.

... I would rather eat Giorgio's
wig than attend this year's Deerfest.

And you can print that as my response.

Okay, I don't know if you're
joking, but if Giorgio has a wig,

I will print that because
that's a huge story.

And secondly, yes, you will
go to Deerfest. We always go.

I can't go anywhere
without people looking at me

like I'm some kind of
fraud or scam artist,

and I refuse to let
Izzy rub that in my face.

- Well, you know she's going to, right?
- [SCOFFS]

Most people still believe
in the machine, and they know

you had nothing to do with it.

Excuse me. Cass?

I heard that you're giving people
money back for their sweatshirts.

Yes, Sheila. Anything
that is MORPHO-related

that people wanna give back, they...

- Whoa. Are you taking that off right now?
- Ooh.

- Do you have something on under there?
- No.

So, what is the play here?

Also, I don't think that's
one of your sweatshirts.

The letters are all
wrong, and they're peeling.

Yeah, and I don't even think
you got "Rockstar," Sheila.

You were painting rocks way
before the machine arrived.

Okay, Sheila, let my
friends enjoy their dinner.

- Uh... Sheila! What the...
- Bye, Sheila.

Can I take the opportunity,
with all of you here,

just to say sorry again

about trying to win Cass's heart
and break up your famiglia?

- Yeah, you can.
- We've talked about it.

- Wait a minute. What happened?
- I was in a really weird place.

Yeah, you were on a gondola
trying to f*ck my mom.

But I think I'm finally almost ready

to open my heart up to new adventures.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

That's not as conclusive
as I'd like it to be.

I've been getting a lot
of guidance from someone

that I would love for
you to meet, actually.

Cary. Cary, get over here.

Buona sera, everyone.

- Grandpa!
- [CHUCKLES] Hello, Dad.

Oh! Oh, that's right, D.

- I almost forgot Cary's also your dad.
- Did you?

Ever since we collabed on that
video for Cass's fundraiser,

I've been having Care Bear
over here model some of my merch

with his insanely jacked body.

Ah, Giorgio, come on.
I'm not insanely jacked.

I just move a little
weight around, that's all.

Nah, you've been moving me
with your wisdom of life, Mr. C.

- That's not his name.
- I guess you could say that Big C

has become a bit of a male model for me

- in my life in more ways than one.
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]

Male model? Dad, that's kind
of like you and "Whistler."

- See? Like, they mean different things.
- Mmm.

Okay. So, what pearls of wisdom have
you shared with our Giorgio, Dad?

Oh, well... [STAMMERS]

... nothing I haven't tried
to instill in our Dust.

Face your fear. Don't
dwell in the "what-ifs."

You know, "What if people laugh at me

for trying to be a
male model at my age?"

"What if I lose my accounting firm?"

Or, "What if my wife meets another
man in Europe and never comes back?"

- [CHUCKLES]
- "What if the whole town hates me?"

Yeah. You gotta face your fear.

Otherwise, you'll never know
what's on the other side of it.

[ANNOUNCER ON PA] Good
morning, Deerfield Hooves.

This is Axel the "Meteorologist"
with your daily weather report.

I know some of you might
not pay attention to this,

depending on how you feel about
the whole MORPHO controversy.

But for those of you who do,

there's a cold front coming
in from the northwest.

High pressure mixing with warm winds

from the east means a storm's coming.

A serious storm,

which could really put a damper
on the opening of Deerfest tonight,

so make sure you pack
your umbrellas. Make...

What are you doing?

Jacob and I are dating.

We've been dating for
a really long time,

even before Kolton d*ed and ever since.

I mean, we did break up for a
bit, and now we're back together.

But the point is that we're dating,

and we don't wanna keep it a secret.

What the hell is going on in here?
You just can't jump on the PA!

I know, and I'm sorry, but I'm
trying to do something really brave.

I'm facing my fear.

Okay. Well, get on with it, then.

This is Trina, by the
way. Trina Hubbard.

I probably should've said that before,

and it's okay if you all hate me now.

Although, I'd really be much
happier if you didn't hate Jacob

because he's a very good boy.

And the only person we really
owe an apology to is Kolton,

but he's not here,

which means he can't hate us

and hate us less over time
and then forgive us, hopefully,

which really f*cking sucks,

because I don't want
to be a "Liar" forever.

Oh.

Um...

Also, there is a meeting of the
junior jazz band after school

in Room .

According to this piece of paper,

they are performing at Deerfest tonight

in the arts-and-crafts
tent, so check 'em out.

[PA SYSTEM CHIMES]

[ALL MURMURING]

Yeah, some hero, man.

I never said I was a hero.

You should've said something.
You knew that I liked you.

And you made me feel like there
was something wrong with me.

Yeah, because this is
about you, Savannah.

[SIGHS] I can't believe
Trina would do this.

She's such a skanky little bitch.

Hey, maybe you're the
skanky little bia...

- [ALL MURMURING]
- I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.

That was a mistake, and that's okay.
We are allowed to make mistakes.

Trina and Jacob just made a mistake,

and they are owning that mistake, so...

She's owning it.

Sorry?

Thanks for the heads-up.

It would have been really awesome
to have talked about this earlier.

We did talk about it.

We agreed that it sucked
not being together.

First you told me not to say anything.

Then you went and told my dad first.

Then you told your parents. Now
you've told the entire school.

And it's just... It's
always on your terms,

and I have no part in it at all.

That's not true.

He was my brother, you know.

- I know that.
- I'm sorry. You told Jacob's dad first?

I didn't mean to.

It just kind of came out

that night that you and
Mom were at the cruise thing

having your threesome.

- [ALL MURMURING]
- [DUSTY] Hold on. We weren't...

No, it wasn't a threesome.

No, uh... We were on a normal,
romantic, marital getaway

until some bodily mishaps

and some emotional
surprises got in the way.

I told you it would
spice up your marriage.

- You use the coupon?
- Course I used the coupon.

But I don't think any of that is
appropriate in front of the students.

Well, your daughter started this.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Yeah.

I'm really surprised that
you told Beau before me.

And, Jacob, it feels like
we had bonded, you know?

- Could've mentioned it then when we were...
- Smoking weed?

When we were talking about
relationships at the store that time,

which I now realize
was me giving you advice

about how to get with my own daughter.

You were smoking weed with a student?

- People make mistakes.
- [MURMURING]

It's called being human.

We need to make mistakes,
especially when we're young.

I'm not just saying this.
This isn't a lecture.

If there was one thing that I
could say to you as your dad,

and to all of you as your
"Teacher," it would be this:

don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Look at all the fully-grown
people out there who have suddenly,

because of a machine,

decided that they don't like
what they do for a living,

or they don't like their garage
or their partner or themselves.

You know what? I wish I
had made more mistakes.

Wish I'd taken bigger swings.

I don't know what the MORPHO means,

but I do know that it has
made a lot of people realize

that they want change and
that they can still change.

And once you see the potential
of that, there's no going back.

Well, I know I don't wanna go back.

I mean, I wouldn't get much
trade-in value on my Harley,

especially after the accident.

And I don't wanna think I
wasn't meant to be with Farid.

But I have a neighbor

who's been practicing the
bow and arrow for a month,

and she sh*t an arrow clean
through her husband's shoulder.

- Whoa.
- Mmm, she all right.

But now she doesn't know if it means

her potential isn't really "Archer,"

or if she's just in her head about it.

That's it.

- [INHALES DEEPLY]
- [SMACKS TABLE]

That's it! Yes, sir!

[CHUCKLES] Oh, my God.

- Oh, that's so clear now.
- Is everything okay in here?

Yeah, he's just having
another revelation.

I've been trying to think of
the word for it, and that's it.

The thing that's written on
the card, your "life potential."

That's not the job you're meant to have,

or the destiny, or
your goals, or whatever.

It's not the end of the road.
It's a turn. It's an arrow.

It's a thing you need
to be told about yourself

to point you in the right direction.

Sweetheart, you needed to be
told that you could be a "Liar"

in order to tell the truth.

And Jacob, who is filled
with this constant anxiety

because he thinks he can't live up

to the reputation of his "Hero" brother,

is then given a card that
says he, too, can be a "Hero,"

and he has to confront that.

[IMITATES expl*si*n]

And Axel, you got
"Meteorologist" in order to...

I don't know. Maybe it was just
to help you believe in yourself,

which is exactly what your mom said

on the first night that
we ever talked about this.

Or maybe you're gonna be really good

at predicting storms. I don't know.

But what I do know is that we have
been asking the wrong questions.

We've been asking where
the MORPHO came from,

and what's inside it,
and how does it work.

But what we should have been asking is,

"What's inside of us? How do we work?

And why, of all places
in this big world,

did the MORPHO machine
come to f*cking Deerfield?"

That's what I wanna know.

I'm proud of you.

[STUDENTS MUTTERING]

I have not even started
this lesson. Do you mind?

- Okay. You got that.
- I'm sorry.

[BEAU] For a guy who knows
jack sh*t about basketball

and is a mediocre boxer at best,

it sounds like Dusty's
not a terrible teacher.

He made some interesting points.

Did he actually say the thing
about people changing their garages?

Because that feels like it was
directed at me specifically.

Oh, it definitely was.

Well, I don't care.

I like this saloon.

I like it too.

- Really?
- Yeah.

For a while, I thought nothing
would ever make you happy again.

Oh.

Also, I like how you can close the door

and kind of imagine that
you're somewhere else.

We can go somewhere else if you
want. Have you thought of that?

What, like running away?

[INHALES DEEPLY] If we do it
together, I think it's called moving.

Oh.

I know that's kinda the
opposite of Dusty's thing

about owning your mistakes,

but I also know things can really
stick to you in a small town.

I threw up once on a ninth-grade
field trip to the botanical gardens,

and people have called me
"Barfy Beau" for years.

I've never heard anyone call you that.

It's pretty much all
I'm known for. [CHUCKLES]

And now they'll probably call
me "sad cowboy" or some sh*t.

And they'll call you "the twin
brother of the dead basketball star

who cheated with his
girlfriend," or I don't know.

They'll come up with something
catchier and more hurtful, probably.

[INHALES DEEPLY]
Okay... [SIGHS] ... fine.

Let's do it. Let's... [CHUCKLING]

Let's run away. Let's light
out for the territories.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, you got it.

- [CHUCKLES] I'll start packing.
- [CHUCKLES]

What do we need? The
throat roaster, obviously.

Obviously, yeah.

And the chainsaw.

In what scenario would we
need to take the chainsaw?

In what scenario would
we not take the chainsaw?

- Yeah, good point. Yeah.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know,

I didn't realize that Trina told
me before she told anyone else.

That's pretty cool.

I mean, not cool, but ballsy.

[CHUCKLES]

That girl's got a real pair
of nuts on her, doesn't she?

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah. She does.

Hmm, I don't know why you're
doing this. Is this, like,

a "thank you for being an
absent, shitty mother" present?

No, it's just... just a little thing.

There's, like, zero chance

that this won't make me
feel worse about myself.

Open it.

[CASS] Aw.

Look at that. It's a pretty
vase. It's so beautiful.

- Did you make this?
- Yeah.

- And it's actually more of a chalice.
- [GASPS] Oh.

Kind of like what a
queen would drink out of.

All right. That's cool. And
yeah, I was right. [CHUCKLES]

It's also % sure to fall
apart at any second, so...

Cool. Same.

- When did you make this?
- I don't know.

Kinda just whenever I have the
time to take my mind off of things.

Trina, sweetie, I know that I
have not been paying attention

to everything that you've
been going through lately.

I was at the magic show and at
Giorgio's before with Grizzy,

- and I saw what she did to you.
- [DOORBELL RINGING]

Mmm.

Your mom is way more
f*cked up than my mom.

[DUSTY] Don't worry. I'll get it!

I mean, I'm upstairs, and
you two are right there.

But no, makes more
sense for me to get it.

- [SIGHS]
- Geez Louise.

- Eat chainsaw, assh*le!
- Whoa! For God's sake. [SIGHS]

Yeah, I'm here to m*rder you,

because your daughter
hooked up with both my sons!

Okay. Jesus. Okay, chill. Chill.

I'm really sorry. I told
him I was coming here.

And he said he had a "k*ller joke idea,"

which I guess is what that was.

- Did you see that, Jacob? His face.
- Yeah, I saw his face, Dad.

Is it okay if I...

Yeah, please come in. [SIGHS]

- [JACOB] I'm sorry.
- No, it's fine.

- [BEAU] I'm sorry I called you an assh*le.
- Yeah, I know, it was really funny.

[SIGHS]

Hey.

Hey. What's up?

Hi, Mrs. Hubbard.

Hi, Jacob.

Cool.

Um, I was wondering if you wanted
to go with me to Deerfest tonight?

Like, on a date. Like,
yeah... Like a first date.

You know that Cass and I's
first date, we went to Deerfest.

- Dusty...
- [DUSTY] Yeah.

We can talk about it a
different time. Go on.

Well, I was just thinking, now
that everyone knows everything,

- we could...
- I'm sorry I didn't talk to you first.

Oh, it's okay.

I'm-I'm... I'm glad you had
the courage to go and do that.

And now maybe we can, like,
try to get to know each other

- and see if we actually like each other.
- [CHUCKLES]

Again, maybe not the time, but
I've always thought that you two...

- Dad.
- Dusty.

So, do you wanna go to Deerfest?

Can my parents come?

- [BEAU BLOWS RASPBERRY]
- [PARENTS CHUCKLE]

- Trina with the jokes.
- No, I'm not joking.

It's like... We used to
go together all the time,

and, I don't know, I just kinda
want something normal right now.

Going to a deer-themed festival on
your first date with your parents?

I know you don't wanna go.

Grizzy will be there, and
it's, like, a whole thing...

Oh, no. I'll go. Um, I'll go.
I don't care if she's there.

And people are definitely
gonna give you looks

- because of the fake card thing.
- Mmm.

- Well, I think we're gonna get more looks.
- Fair.

- [JACOB] So...
- Oh, we're gonna get a lot of looks.

I am okay with that, seriously,
if that's what you wanna do.

All right, Beau.

Baby girl wants to go to
Deerfest, so wanna go to Deerfest?

Does this answer your question?

[CHAINSAW WHIRS]

Whoo! Deerfest!

- That's not funny!
- [LAUGHS] Yeah!

- Not in the house!
- Oh. Sorry.

- Not in the house, Beau!
- Sorry!

Excuse me.

Sorry to interrupt your socializing,

but maybe you've noticed
we're about to open Deerfest,

and I'm just curious about when
you plan to finish the hay maze?

It is finished.

Oh, is it?

Then why can I see
right over the hay bales?

It needs to be twice as high as this.

It's for kids.

And you assume a child
won't appreciate a challenge.

- Excuse me, Mayor Fontaine?
- [SCOFFS] Can't you see I'm busy?

- You know there's a storm coming?
- I know there's a storm forecasted.

Why do you think we have ponchos?

I suppose you'd be happier
if everybody just stayed home.

Well, I think I would.

If there's lightning, the hay
bales will go up like a torch.

What qualifications do you
have to make this assessment?

Well, I did get a card that said

"Sole Survivor" from the MORPHO machine.

It's my first time being
out the house in a month.

So I'm still a bit nervous
about things I could survive.

Honey, please.

You don't know the first
thing about survival.

[SIGHS]

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

What was that? Sounded like thunder.

It was probably just one of the rides.

Trina, if you get scared, you know
that you can hold Daddy's hand.

- Or we can link arms...
- God.

- ... like The Wizard of Oz.
- Yes! Yes.

- Okay, I already regret inviting you.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

Hey, Father Reuben!
Deerfest is that way!

Oh, I told Father Reuben about
my whole, uh, arrow theory.

He was very impressed.

Seems the teacher has
become the "Teacher."

Yeah, I've been thinking
about that a lot actually.

Mmm, it's pretty good, right?

Yeah.

What?

- Nothing.
- What?

No, I... [SIGHS]

I guess I'm just wondering if...

if this is all about a turn
in the road like you said...

Mm-hmm?

... then what if we don't turn together?

How do you mean?

What if our arrows don't
point in the same direction?

I don't know.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Hello?

[BANGING]

[HANA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

[GRUNTS]

- Hana.
- [GASPS]

What you doing?

Just trying to fix this hole in
the roof before the big storm comes.

So, you've been listening to
Axel's weather reports, huh?

Um, I don't know who Axel is, but
I've been listening to the news.

What do you normally do when it rains?

I have an elaborate
system called a bucket.

But I don't think it's
gonna cut it for this one,

and I don't wanna wake up
in six feet of water, so...

Wait, what do you mean "wake up"?

Yeah, this is my room.

Oh, I'm s... I'm sorry. I...

I didn't realize you slept here.

It looks more like the room of a
small child who d*ed years ago.

Thanks. That's the
aesthetic I was going for.

- Where's all your things?
- [SIGHS] I like to travel light.

Actually got rid of a bunch
of stuff right when I got here.

Why did you come here?

What do you mean?

What led you to this
town, of all places?

I could ask you the same thing.

I came because there was an opening
at the high school for a chaplain.

- Same. But I guess you got it.
- Hana, I'm serious. I wanna know.

Why did you come here now?

What are you doing here, Father?

I don't wanna be a priest anymore.

Well, this could be a problem. [SIGHS]

[THEREMIN SQUEALING]

[SQUEALING STOPS]

Abracadabra.

[BELL ON DOOR JINGLES]

Mr. Johnson?

[ALARM BLARING]

[GRUNTING]

Mr. Johnson!

Oh, sh**t.