03x02 - Assignment Five: Part 2

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Sapphire & Steel". Aired: 10 July 1979 – 31 August 1982.*
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British series follows the two titular detectives, played by Joanna Lumley and David McCallum respectively; assigned by an unknown authority to correct anomalies that have allowed the mysterious and malevolent forces of time itself to break into the present, material world.
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03x02 - Assignment Five: Part 2

Post by bunniefuu »

You have guessed, haven't you?

What?

The door, whose idea it was.

No, you tell me.

Well, our host,
His Lordship, of course.

'What's behind it? '

He's got a special device. He's the
only person who knows how to use it.

(Sapphire) 'Something moving.'
(Steel) 'Tell me.'

'It's twisting, turning...
and writhing.

- 'It's... (Gasps)'
- More champagne?

'Come back, Sapphire. Sapphire! '

'All irregularities will be handled

'by the forces controlling
each dimension.

'Transuranic heavy elements
may not be used where there is life.

'Medium atomic weights are available.

'Gold, Lead,

'Copper,

'Jet, Diamond, Radium,

'Sapphire, Silver and Steel.

'Sapphire and Steel
have been assigned.'

'Do you hear me? Come back! '

The door interests you?

Ah, Arthur, the very man.

He'll explain all. Excuse me.

Yes, I see it has no handle. No lock.

It's a security door, that's all.
It leads to my office.

The heart of Mullrine International.

The nerve centre, you might say.

- How fascinating.
- Not really, just something I...

- (Doorbell)
- This time it must be Tony Purnell.

You will excuse me, won't you?

It's behind the door.
A feeling of euphoria.

- What?
- A sense of success, achievement.

- Nothing evil?
- No!

Something wonderful
happened in there.

I say, who's Tony Purnell?

- One of our merchant bankers.
- Ah, thank you.

Not at all. I'm Felix Harborough.

- Of Mullrine International.
- Hole in one.

Hello, Jenkins.
Look after these, will you?

How's the back? Come on, dear.

Greville, how are you?
Where's himself?

Hello, sir, I'm awfully sorry
if we're a bit late.

Oh, dear. Your clothes!

It won't take us a second to change.

Yes, I can do it in a jiffy.

Veronica Blamey, Lord Mullrine.

- How do you do?
- Maybe a quick drink?

You can't go in there like that!

I mean, it's all wrong!
I mean, damn it, Tony.

The instructions were
detailed in the invitation.

- Yes, I'm sorry.
- Greville, take them to their rooms.

Don't let them down
until they've changed.

- I'm sorry...
- This way, please, miss.

Are you expecting anyone else?
It's getting dark.

And there's a thick fog coming up.

- In June?
- Funny, isn't it?

Rather spooky, actually.

(Greville and Tony)
# Oh, oh, oh, what a girl

# There's none so classy
as my fair lassie... #

(Tony) Greville, there's no
power point for my electric razor.

- Power point, sir?
- Oh, I've got to call London.

- Does that thing work?
- Yes, sir.

- There's no dial on it.
- It's a country exchange.

If you lift the receiver, the
operator will get you your number.

(Chuckles) I didn't think
there were any left.

- I ought to have a shave.
- I'll lay out your safety razor.

- Safety razor? Oh, hello?
- 'Number please.'

Yes, can you get me a London number?

Yes, it's 012468021.

What do you mean "which exchange"?

London. That's the number.

(Humming happily)

Oh! (Laughs) Oh, the exchange!

Now, what was Dad's old number
at the bank?

Temple Bar, Chancery, London Wall...

No, it's gone.
Anyway, just get it, will you?

Come on, don't milk the joke, love,
I've got to make this call.

I think His Lordship's taking
this joke a bit far, don't you?

Pardon, sir?

What the hell's this?
Where's my electric razor?

Electric, sir? Rather dangerous,
I would have thought.

These aren't mine!
I just hired the tails.

They came out of your suitcase, sir.

If you need anything else,
please ring.

The remainder of the guests
are in the lounge.

Dinner will be at nine.

Damn cheek.

So what have they done
with all my gear?

- (Knock at door)
- Come!

- Tony?
- What?

- Well, look.
- Oh, yes!

They swapped all my clothes
and my make-up.

Everything's really old!

You should see my nightie.

It's peach-coloured crepe de Chine.

And look at these.

(Chuckles) Pure silk,
fully fashioned. All the rage.

In 1930.

Come in, you two.
Now that's better, I must say.

- Tony, dear boy.
- Miss Emma.

You are naughty,
it's ages since we saw you last.

And who is this charming young woman?

- Veronica Blamey.
- Hello, adorable child.

Come and meet people.

Ah, you two, this is, er,
Tony Purnell, Veronica Blamey and...

- Virginia Cavendish.
- Miles.

Exactly! Greville.
Some drinks, please.

- I understand you're a banker?
- Born and bred.

Don't you find money awfully tedious?

- It has its uses.
- 'A year older than her

- 'born in Maidenhead, rich family.'
- We've met before.

Really? I wonder where it was.

- Last season somewhere?
- Oh, then it must have been...

'She's 24, in love, not very bright,
born in Barnes.'

- Cowes?
- No.

Oh.

Henley, perhaps?

'He doesn't feel the same way.
He has someone else.'

No, not Henley.
Give me time, I'll remember.

Hello, I'm Felix Harborough.
Would you care to dance?

Oh! Well, if Tony doesn't mind.

No, of course not.

- Shall we?
- Thank you.

What's it to be? The Charleston?
Black Bottom?

Old hat, my dear.
This is 1930, you know.

- Foxtrot.
- Of course.

(# Big band)

(Miss Shaw) Yes, yes,
I know it's urgent, Mr Fairfax,

but my orders from Lord Mullrine were
specific - he is not to be disturbed.

No, I'm sorry, his party isn't to be
interrupted under any circumstances.

Yes, he was in the office
just three minutes ago.

All right, all right,
let me look into the drawing room

and if his guests haven't arrived
I'll talk to him.

(Controller clicks)

(Clicks)

How very odd.

(Sighs)

Mr Fairfax? Look, I'm awfully sorry

but the, er, security device
that opens the door isn't working.

(Sighs) No, I've no idea how to
mend it. It's probably the batteries.

We'll have to leave it for now

but I'll give Lord Mullrine
your message as soon as I see him.

All right, goodbye.

Lovely! So lovely!

- 'It's here, Steel.'
- 'In this room? '

'Yes. No... All around us.'

Your attention please,
ladies and gentlemen.

Shh! No birthday party is complete
without a birthday cake.

And as this is a very special
birthday party

Mullrine International
provides a very special cake

commemorating 50 years of achievement
and splendid growth.

(Sapphire) 'Pressure. You feel it? '
(Steel) 'No.'

I think it would be rather nice if we
invited the youngest here tonight

to cut the cake.

(All mutter in agreement)

I think that must be me.

It isn't Miss Emma, is it(?)

- It certainly is not!
- I don't think I can!

(Howard) Pretend it's
your wedding cake.

- (Felix) Who's the lucky man?
- Jolly good, then.

- When do we eat it?
- After dinner, with the coffee.

But first... I would like you all
to raise your glasses in a toast.

Mullrine International!

No, no, no,
not to Mullrine International,

to the memory of one who,

as my sister has pointed out
more than once tonight,

is gone from us.

To my old partner...

No, my old friend...

To George McDee!

'Steel! '

- (All) George McDee!
- (Rushing wind)

Oh, the cake!

(Gasps)

(Man) Good evening, everyone!

I hope I'm not late.

George!

George...

- About time too.
- What are you talking about, woman?

You! You're late as usual.
Let's have a look at you.

It can't be. It can't be!

Arthur's really
pulled one off this time.

- What are you doing?
- What I always have to do.

- You can never tie a bow properly.
- How dare you?

(Steel) 'Who is he? '
(Sapphire) 'He's Mullrine's partner.'

(Steel) 'Was.'
(Sapphire) 'No, he's not a ghost.'

Arthur, is this your idea of a joke?

No. No, I... I don't understand.
It's him!

Nonsense,
but it's a remarkable likeness.

(Annabelle) Fascinating.
(Tony) What?

George, I always
have to straighten your tie.

I've never set eyes on you
in my life.

George, it's me, Felicity, your wife.

(Sapphire) 'He's alive.
He's due to die on 22nd June, 1930.'

Grandmama.

Woman, stop your ramblings. You're
50 years too old to be my wife!

- Oh!
- 50 years at the very least.

Arthur, tell him!

- '22nd of June? That's tomorrow.'
- 'Yes.'

I don't know what you're playing at
but you should apologise to Felicity.

- Oh!
- Come on...

(Sobbing)

Is everybody mad here?
What's going on?

- That's what I want to know.
- Is she a loony?

Greville, a whisky for Mrs McDee.

Mrs McDee, is it?

Bring me a large dram,
I've a feeling I'm going to need it.

Excuse me, sir.

Malcolm, can you explain
what's going on here?

- Malcolm?
- Do you not know your own name?

Grandmama, what is he talking about?

- Grandmama, is it?
- Yes.

- She's no grandmama of yours.
- How would you know?

Young man, remember who it is
you're addressing.

I'd be delighted
if I knew who you were.

- Do you not know your own father?
- My father's dead.

(Steel) 'He must be the image
of his father.'

Malcolm, what are you saying?

Malcolm? I'm not Malcolm, that was
my father's name. I'm Howard.

(Sapphire) 'What do we do? '
(Steel) 'Nothing, yet.

'Not until we find out
which one is being used.'

Where's Arthur? This has all
the marks of one of his stunts.

- Where's Mr Mullrine?
- Lord Mullrine...

is there, sir.

Lord Mullrine, is it?

Well, whoever you may be
I've no time for party games tonight.

I've important work to see to.

Bring me that dram in my laboratory.

Flappers.
Nae wonder we've a slump coming!

(Felix) Congratulations, Arthur.
Splendid!

(Howard) I thought it was
in very bad taste.

The door...

Something odd. There's something...

something I ought to remember!

(Felicity sobbing)

- Something wrong?
- There, there, Felicity.

These men, they'll never change.

Mrs McDee might benefit
from a little rest.

Come along.
Now, you've had rather a nasty shock.

We'll get you up to your bedroom,
you'll be fine.

Don't upset yourself, come on...

No consideration.
You mark my words, Arthur,

he'll shut himself away
in that laboratory again

and we shan't see him
for the rest of the evening.

- Poor Felicity.
- Poor Felicity indeed.

Don't be such a hypocrite, Emma,
it doesn't become you.

Come on everybody, drink up,
this is supposed to be a party!

(Annabelle) I'd love one.
(Arthur) Fresh champagne...

- Splendid.
- Well, which one?

I don't know. I've been trying
but something's stopping me.

- Then it knows about us.
- It always does.

- There you are, Grandmama.
- Thank you, dear.

Will you please undo this one?
I shall be quite all right now.

- Sure? You've had a nasty shock.
- Oh no, I was just a little tired.

Long journeys always tire me.

- Long journeys?
- Yes. Now, please don't fuss.

No. No, I won't.

I'm certain something happened.
I'm sure...

I shall come down to dinner
in half an hour, so off you go.

We don't want to spoil things, do we?

- No. No, we don't.
- That's right. Run along, Malcolm.

(Shoes creaking)

# Dee-dum, da-da dee-dum...

# Da-dee... #

Tony deserting you, my dear?

We can't have that, can we?
Pretty girl like you.

Thank you.

Don't let this house get you down.
Arthur's pretty soft really.

- I'll try to remember that.
- You, er... known Tony long?

- No, I...
- How long?

I can't remember. I don't know, I...

- Oh, dear.
- Takes after his father, I'm afraid.

You met Malcolm yet? I've known him
since I was in nappies.

Malcolm?

Tony says I'd make a good actress.

I think I'd like that.

Oh... What have your long-suffering
parents to say about that?

I...

I don't know.

Rather irregular existence.

I prefer to know where
the next Range Rover's coming from.

Tony says...

Tony... says...

Now, now, this will never do,
this is supposed to be a party!

I think we should play
an exciting game before dinner.

- Oh, no, Emma!
- Arthur, we always play games!

- What's it going to be?
- Not Postman's Knock this time!

I know! Sardines!

- Sardines? Where are the bounds?
- All over the house.

(Shoes creaking)

- Greville, how much longer?
- 60 seconds to go, Miss Emma.

- 59...
- (All) 58, 57...

What about Felicity's room?

It's out of bounds.
So is the grandfather clock.

Somebody hid in it last time
and it hasn't worked since!

(Annabelle) Hide in it, darling,
it may start up again.

(Emma) Not too much naughtiness!

- There you are, Malcolm.
- I'm not Malcolm.

Never mind. Come and join the game,
we're playing Sardines. Such fun!

And we've time for just one go
before dinner. How much longer?

35 seconds, Miss Emma.

- 34...
- (All) 33...

(Annabelle)
What's "too much naughtiness"?

What a lot of ridiculous tomfoolery.

Nonsense, you've always adored
playing Sardines.

At Bertie's last month
you couldn't wait to play!

Perhaps because
Maisie Hamilton was there?

I've had nothing to do
with Maisie Hamilton.

Come along, that's a bit hot.

- We'll let Veronica hide, Malcolm.
- I'm not Malcolm.

- How long has she got?
- 15 seconds to go. 14...

(All) 13...
(Steel) 'Do we have to join in? '

(Sapphire) 'Of course.
It might be fun. If we don't cheat.'

(Steel) 'I'm gonna look around.'

Four, three, two,

- one...
- (Greville) Time!

(All) Coming!

(Hushed conversation)

Well, if you'll forgive me.

(Door creaks)

Coo-ee!

Is anybody there?

I know you're there somewhere.

Veronica? Veronica, are you there?

It's me. Veronica?

(Door creaks)

(Gasps) I thought
you weren't joining in?

Cheap fiction,
romantic novels and those.

"Physics And Chemistry Of Surfaces,
The Theory Of Elastic Stability"...

It's a pretty mixed bunch.
And I found this.

- What is it?
- A book on local history.

- Useful?
- Possibly.

(Surge of energy)

(Gasps)

Aha, found you!
Anyone else in there with you?

Don't be silly.

(Screams)
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