- ♪
- ♪ Ooh, TV time ♪
♪ TV time, I'm about to get my TV on ♪
♪ TV time, TV time ♪
♪ Nothing comes between me and my ♪
♪ TV time... ♪♪♪
- ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪
- MAN ON TV: Previously on "The Families of Fairfield"--
- FLORENCE: Oh, no, my crumpets burnt.
I can't present these to the queen.
- Ooh, I can't wait to see how you get out of this one.
- Did Florence fix those red bell crumpets yet?
- Mm-hmm, it's just starting.
- Ah.
- Hey, babies.
- Oh, hey, Ma. You all set?
- I'm all set. - All right.
Hey, babe, Mom and I are gonna run some errands.
Do you need me to pick up-- - Sssh!
- We're watching our show!
- FLORENCE: Oh no, these are burnt too.
- You done messed up now, Florence.
- What is this show?
- It's a British reality show about three families
who are trying to prove they're more posh than the other.
- Well, why is that woman crying over her biscuits?
- Come on, Grandma, those aren't biscuits.
They're cr-r-umpets.
- Well, what's the difff-erence?
- Pay them no attention, all right, 'cause they can't
they can't be bothered when they're watching this show.
Well, it looks like
a big waste of time to me.
- It's not, this show is
a reflection of how we put too much pressure
on ourselves to appear more than what we are.
- And they get into some pretty sick fights.
- YASMINE: [laughs]
- Well, you two go ahead
and watch your "show," 'cause no one else
in this house is interested in watching it.
- Did I miss anything?
- Florence burnt some more crumpets.
- Do better, Flo.
- Okay, well, Charlie doesn't count. Come on.
- Did they go see the queen yet?
Did they go see the queen yet?
Did they go see the queen yet?
Did they? Did they? Did they? Did they?
[heavy breathing]
- Myles, you have failed your family.
Come on here, boy.
- Apparently. - VIOLA: Hurry up.
- WOMAN TV: Crumpets and tea for everyone.
- [munching]
- ALL: Oooh.
- ♪ There once was a kid from the city of Chi ♪
♪ Ma knew I was important, not a regular guy ♪
♪ Everybody follow me, I'mma take you on a trip ♪
♪ Buckle up, let's go, I'mma get you all hip ♪
♪ I'm a star, came up from a block in Chi-Town ♪
♪ Living large, I'm trying to balance school and these bars ♪
♪ Came far, ain't no better feeling ♪
♪ I tell 'em, you gonna love Young Dylan ♪
♪ Young Dylan, Young Dylan, Young Dylan ♪
♪ Young Dylan ♪
♪ Tell 'em you gon' love Young Dylan ♪♪♪
- ♪
- [bang] - [gasps]
What's with the cane?
- It's an African walking stick.
Pretty cool, right?
- Well, why do you have it?
And why do you smell like Uncle Myles when he tries
to prove he's still got it?
- Can't I smell nice for school?
- No, bro, you stink.
- Yes, but usually, I stink like a boy.
Today... - [bang]
- [in deep voice] I stink like a man.
- [gasps] Wait!
Do you have a crush on Staci? - Staci?
I don't know any Stacis.
- Hi, Charlie.
- Okay, I know one Staci.
She's just so cute and nice...
and cute.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Is this your first crush?
- Yes, this is my first crush.
I never tried to talk to a girl I liked.
The thought of it makes me nervous.
When I'm nervous, I have to pee.
- Man, all you gotta do is go over there
and spit your game, girls love a confident man.
- Confident... gotcha.
- Hi, would you like to buy a ticket for the Kids Night Out
fundraiser? There'll be games and food, and all the money
goes to the science club. - Uh, uh, uh.
I go pee-pee!
- Guess all that confidence is about to get
flushed down the toilet.
- ♪
- MALE ON TV: You, sir, have besmirched my honor.
- Uh-oh.
He put his tea down.
Finley, you are in trouble.
- Mom?
- Hey, Viola, we weren't expecting you.
- Oh, I just stopped by to say hi.
And then got wrapped up in this.
- An infomercial about foot cream?
Mama, what's wrong with your feet?
- Uh, I have some issues.
- Are you wearing my slippers?
- Will everyone stay out of my business?
- Your mom's buying me new slippers.
- ♪
- "I go pee-pee"?
Why didn't you stop me?
- I heard what happened today.
- Word travels fast.
- Embarrassing words travel even faster.
- Oooh, I blew it.
- Just tell me what happened.
- Well, I listened to Dylan--
- Ah, ba-ba-ba-bah.
There's your problem.
You never listen to Dylan.
Thankfully, I'm here to help.
- Help with what?
- Help undo this mess you made with Charlie and Staci.
Charlie doesn't handle rejection well.
- That's not true.
- ♪
- Mom, I found a tiger for sale.
It's half off if we buy it today! Can we?
- We are not buying a tiger.
- I understand.
[hysterical crying]
- ♪
- Okay, it's a little true.
- And that was just this morning.
- Well, now that I know the situation,
I'll do a better job of helping.
- Please.
- I'll have you and Staci holding hands in no time.
- Maybe I should-- - This doesn't have anything
to do with you, Charlie! - Yeah, Chuckles!
Why don't you take a walk while we handle our business?
- We can't both help Charlie.
- We can both try.
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying, whoever helps Charlie win over Staci
is the winner. - Fine.
Our usual bet then? - Double it.
- I can't afford that.
- Well...
- Fine!
- Good. Then it's a deal.
- ♪
- All right, we need to lay down the ground rules
for this bet, because I wanna win it fair and square.
- I do too, which is why I think you should go first
to try to help Charlie win over Staci.
- You do? What's the catch?
- No catch. Spit your knowledge.
- Okay. Hey, Charlie.
- So, which one of you are going to help me?
- Becca's gonna try-- - I'm not gonna try.
I'm gonna win.
Help...you win the girl of your dreams.
Charlie, girls don't like that super shiny, arrogant,
bad boy personality.
- Then what do they like?
- They appreciate a guy
who embraces their sweet side.
- Yeah, and all those guys
end up in the friend zone.
- What was that, Dylan?
- Nothing, carry on.
- How do I show my sweet side?
- You're not, I'm gonna do it for you.
I'm texting Staci right now to tell her that you think
the idea to raise money for the science club is brilliant
and you'd love to help.
Now she'll think you're brilliant
and will probably ask you out.
- Yeah, you can go to club friend zone,
I hear it's popping.
- Yeah. Dylan might be right
about the friend-- - [phone dings]
- Staci says she's at school decorating right now
and would--what's that word, Dylan?
- Love?
- Love, yes.
Charlie, Staci would love your help.
- Rebecca, you did it!
I get to spend time with Staci!
- No one's going into the friend zone on my watch.
- ♪
- I'm in the friend zone!
- If only someone had seen this coming.
Oh wait, they did.
- After I put up all the decorations by myself,
do you know what she said?
"Thanks, Charlie, you're so sweet and reliable.
You're a great friend."
- Ouch.
Chuckles, don't worry.
Help is on the way.
Lucky for you, you're related to the biggest ladies' man
that ever lived.
- Dad?
- The fact that you said that tells me that you
have a long way to go.
I'm talking about me.
I'm a black belt in swag-fu.
- Teach me your ways.
- School is in session.
So, why do ladies love rappers?
Because they got that swag locked and lit.
But what if you don't have swag already built into your DNA?
- Okay, I think-- - You fake it until you make it.
Now, let's continue this upstairs.
- ♪
- And he scores for the winning touchdown!
Dylan with the amazing throw!
Happy Birthday!
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Yaaaaaah!
Now we're talking.
- Thanks for the clothes.
- No!
Now, the next thing is communication.
Girls don't like when you talk too much,
so you're gonna have to talk without using words.
That means, "What's up?"
And that means, "How you doing, boo?"
And that means, "Yo, why you up in my grill?!"
- They all look the same.
Dylan, I'm not all up in your grill.
[gasps] I understood that one!
- Of course you did.
- Now it's your turn to practice.
Here, practice with this.
- Ooh, too much neck.
Better.
- ♪
- Yeah!
Yeah! Let's go!
- MAN ON TV: Oh, it's broken!
- Come on, Albert, not the arm, man.
How you gonna win the polo match without him?
You can't. And the queen is coming.
This is-- - [door closes]
- [water splashing]
- Oh, you did--mwah-- you've done the dishes.
- Sure am. - You need some help drying?
- No! I-I mean, no, I got this.
Yeah, you know, I-- - Okay, are you sure?
- Absolutely, yes! - Okay.
- Yes. - Okay.
- You've been out showing houses all day, you know,
I'm sure you're exhausted, okay, so you know--
- But you know, I-- - No, girl, if you--
would you please go on upstairs
and rest your pretty little feet?
- Okay. - [laughs] I got this.
- You got this. - [laughing]
- Okay. [laughing]
- MYLES: God.
Ooh, Dylan gonna be mad about his tablet.
- ♪
- Welcome to the Kids Night Out fundraiser!
I'm DJ Principal Ma-th-th-thews!
Let's raise some money and get the science club
some new face shields.
Pew-pew-pew-pew!
♪ It's getting hot in hurr ♪
No, really, it's quite hot.
Can someone turn on this fan?
- ♪
♪
- [sneezes]
- Yeah, that shirt's yours now.
- Sorry, forget to ask my mom for my allergy medicine.
- Dude, act cool.
I think Staci's checking you out.
- She is?
She is.
- She's probably wondering why you're dressed like
a music video threw up on you!
- Ignore the hater, Chuckles.
- What if she comes over?
Uh, I feel like I got to go to the bathroom.
- Relax, just remember your training.
Oh, and I almost forgot.
Last thing, act like you don't even care,
like she's not even on your radar.
- Whassup?
- Act like wha-- - Hi, Charlie.
You look...different.
It's nice.
Charlie? Hello?
Okay, uh, have fun tonight, I guess.
- How'd I do?
- See, it wasn't terrible.
- He's right.
It was way worse!
- [groans]
- ♪
- What?
They didn't invite Florence to the gala?
Come on, without her-- [mumbling]--
[in British accent] Bloody!
It's gonna be a dob squib!
[normal voice] I've--
I've watched too many episodes.
- That's right, Flo-Flo.
You go to that gala anyway, girl.
- BOTH: You're watching "The Families of Fairfield."
- No, I'm not. - No, I'm not. Me neither.
- MAN ON TV: Next time on "The Families of Fairfield..."
- Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, I gotta admit,
the show's kind hot, you know what I mean?
I like--it's kind of good. - Right.
I told my church group.
Everybody's watching it now.
- Yeah. - [laughs]
- Okay, look, look, look, since we gave Yasmine
such a hard time about watching the show,
I was thinking, you know, we keep this little secret,
you know what I'm saying, between mom and son.
- Of course. - Yeah.
- Can't have Yasmine knowing I watch
a trashy show like this. - [laughs]
- She already knows. - Mom!
- What? - You--you watch
a trashy show like this?
- Save it, Myles.
So, all this time, you both have been
sneaking around, watching the show
just so you wouldn't have to admit you like it?
- Basically. Yeah. - [mumbling] Pretty much.
I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about watching the show.
- [clears throat]
- I'm sorry, too.
- Couldn't hear you. - Well, you better had,
because I'm not saying it again.
- So, now that that's all behind us,
who's up for watching a few more episodes?
- I'll get the snacks. - I'll get the drinks.
- And I get the best seat on the couch.
- ♪
- ♪
- [sighs] I blew it.
- Don't worry, Charlie, your big sister will rescue you
from Dylan's hip-hop headache.
- Um, excuse me, you're the one that gone him put
in the friend zone in the first place.
- That's only because I wasn't there to walk him through it
step by step.
- How 'bout you step aside...
while we get back to winning over Staci?
- If he's gonna win over Staci,
the needs to stop pretending to be you
and start pretending to be me.
Excuse me.
By saying everything I tell him to!
- Okay, but I did have one-- - Not now, Chuckles!
He needs to go over there and show shawty
that he's the man. - He is not a man.
He's a sweet little boy who needs to go over to Staci,
look her in the eyes and read her this poem I wrote!
- I just think that I should-- - Sssh!
We're doing the thinking for you.
Dylan, I'm just trying to make sure my brother
doesn't get rejected by his first crush.
- Well, that's what I'm trying to do too,
which is why I think he should go over there
with a dope gift.
Ooh, like that big gold chain right there.
- No, if it's going to win her gift,
it should be that...
sweet, cuddly koala bear.
- Wait here, Chuckles.
I'll go get you that chain.
- I'll go get you that koala!
- Green!
- BOTH: [grunting]
- DYLAN: Green! - [music stammering]
- Hey!
- [applause]
- Oh, you think that's gonna stop me?
I paid a lot of money for this equipment!
- BOTH: [grunting]
- No, uh!
- What are we doing?
- I'm trying to win that bet.
I'm not sure what you're doing.
Where'd he go?
- Is he talking to Staci without us?
- [inaudible dialogue]
- Oh, man, this is gonna be bad.
- [inaudible dialogue]
- My plan worked.
You pay up! - No, my plan worked!
You pay up.
- [inaudible dialogue]
- So which one of us wo--
helped you win Staci over?
- Neither.
I ignored you both and was just myself.
- And that worked?
I mean, good for you.
- Did you ask her to be your girlfriend?
- I did. But she said no.
- You got rejected?
Are you okay?
- You want me to find you a pillow for you to scream into?
- No, it's okay, she said her family's moving
at the end of the month, so it wouldn't work out.
But she touched my shoulder.
And that's something.
- I'm sorry I gave bad advice.
- And I'm sorry hip hop couldn't fix you.
And I'm sorry to try to make you cool like me.
- I think that's as good as you gonna get.
- It's okay, you two are just trying to help me,
and I appreciate that.
Now if you don't mind, Staci and I are going to dance.
- ♪
- Finally, we got some party people in the house!
Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
- ♪
- I need a cupcake.
- So, I guess neither of us won.
So what do we do about the winnings?
- Let's roll them over into a new bet?
- What are you thinking?
- I bet I can get Uncle Myles to grow his weird beard again.
- Mom hates that thing.
I'll take that action.
- Remember, tell your parents that DJ Principal Math-th-thews
is available for banquets, birthday parties,
and bar mitzvahs!
- ♪
- Wait for it.
- [sighs]
Well, it's my face, Yasmine, okay?
Besides, Dylan thinks I look cool.
- I believe you owe me for winning the bet.
- [groans]
I still can't believe you convinced him to grow
that thing, but fine, deal's a deal.
Our usual wager, right?
- [sniffs] Ah! That's the stuff.
I do believe that our original wager was for double.
- Here!
- Pleasure doing business with you.
- Whatever, Dylan!
- Did she pay up? - She sure did.
- Yes. Ha-ha!
- Yeah.
- BOTH: [grunting]
- Yeah, it's good hearing from you too.
Sure, we can talk whenever you want.
All right, deuces to you too.
- So, how's it going reconnecting with your mom?
- It's coming along.
I told her I forgave her for bouncing.
We're working through it, it's just gonna take some time.
I think hearing from me helps her.
- Well, I think you're a pretty amazing kid.
- Yeah, I really am.
- ♪
- BOTH: [laughing]
- ♪
- ♪
- ♪