03x03 - Imperfectly Fit

[bunniefuu]

We'll have the usual.

Two meat pancakes with sesame berets

and two orders of idle fingers.

-Huh? -Two burgers and two orders of fries.

Why didn't you just say so?

I'm practicing my shorthand ordering technique.

Actually, make that one burger.

I'll have a mixed green salad with non-fat ranch dressing on the side.

One lettuce luau with a skinny cowboy ridin' solo.

That's all you're gonna get?

Yeah, I'm putting myself on a low-fat diet.

A low-fat diet, are you kidding? You're a twig.

I'm not trying to lose weight, I'm trying to eat healthy.

I've been asked to host my own workout video.

Just like all the supermodels. How nice.

Wait, I thought you're giving up modeling?

Well, I made an exception.

Did I hear "video"?

What's it gonna be called?

The -Minute Total Trimmer.

Oh, excellent title.

You're going to be in living rooms all over the country.

I'm not doing it for the exposure.

All the proceeds go to the Jacobi Foundation for Literacy.

-[Jess and Lila]

Yawn! -[Liz]

I'm proud of you, Cheryl.

Most people would do it for the fame and fortune.

You know what every workout video needs, Cheryl?

I'm afraid to ask.

Backup girls!

You are looking at the creme de la creme of aerobic exercise.

That's non-fat creme. Cream.

No offense, um, but I need people with a little more experience.

Some of the routines are very complex.

We do complex. [slowly]

We do complex.

Yeah, we complicate everything.

[theme song playing]



♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be Two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

[Liz]

Okay, thanks a lot. Bye.

I got it.

Did you get it with extra cheese?

[sighs]

Not the pizza, Todd.

That was Lucy Greer, the editor of The Sweet Valley Tribune.

I got the internship. Can you believe it?

Oh, that's great. How much does it pay?

Oh, it's an internship. You don't get paid.

You don't? So why are you so excited?

[sighs]

The Tribune is a renowned publication.

Oh, I get it.

Hey, maybe you can get them to put sports on the front page.

I'll see what I can do.

No, but seriously though, let's celebrate.

Tonight, after the movies.

I'm sorry, I can't go. They need me to start tonight.

There's already an important assignment waiting for me at my desk.

"Wanted nanny for newborn triplets.

Salary negotiable."

So, you're fine-tuning your journalism skills too.

Yeah, they should be calling me about my Pulitzer Prize any minute now.

She's funny and ambitious.

To tell you the truth, I never thought I'd be typing classifieds.

I guess I was spoiled at my internship in Los Angeles.

Not me. All I got to do at The Seattle Examiner was pour coffee.

I was the executive caffeine coordinator.

For the record, I take milk, no sugar.

Very funny.

So, you're from Seattle?

No. I was interning there for the summer. I go to Princewater.

I'm surprised I haven't seen you around here before.

What's your name?

-I'm Elizabeth Wakefield. -Peter West.

You look sort of familiar.

Are you sure we haven't met before?

No. I would have remembered that.

I definitely would've remembered that.

So, you're an Allan Bloom fan.

Yeah, he's one of my favorite writers.

Mine too.

[clears throat]

Is this a book club or a newspaper?

Sorry, Lucy.

We are just getting back to work.

Yeah, there might be a lost schnauzer out there somewhere,

wandering the streets and looking--

I wouldn't belittle the work if I were you.

See, I didn't start out as editor-in-chief of The Tribune.

I worked my butt off to get here.

It was just a joke. [chuckles]



A joke?

I think that went well.

Maybe you should stick to coffee.

[both chuckle]



Okay. We've got every supermodel video on the market.

Paulette's Power Hour, Taylor's -Minute Tushie Trimmer,

-Linda's Leaner Leg Clutches. -Perfect.

After tonight, we'll know everything we need to know about working out.

And Cheryl will be begging us to be in her video.

[on TV]

All right, ladies, let's get ready for a great...

Fast forward to the end. I wanna see if her lipstick stays on the whole time.

Duh. It's not the lipstick we should be watching for.

-[Woman on TV]

Here we go! -Look at her hair.

Okay, I got it. Put in the next video.

I'm b*at. You put it in.

You're closer. You put it in.

-I put in the last one. -Well, go get the remote.

-No, you go get it. -Who picked up the video?

?-Who made the popcorn? -Who bought the video

-I did. -Whose TV is this?

-Hey, strangers. -Hey, working girl.

You're in a good mood.

I was just thinking about what happened last night

at The Tribune.

What, another paper-cut trauma?

It was the funniest thing. Peter and I were typing up the real estate listings,

and three hours later we realized we had typed the same pages.

Ah, that's hilarious.

You must have been so mad when you finally figured it out.

No, actually, Peter figured it out.

-If he hadn't, we'd probably still be... -You know what, Liz?

You know, ever since you started this internship,

all you've been talking about is Peter.

I mean, I don't know, maybe you'd rather spend all your time with him.

Todd, don't be ridiculous.

Peter and I have a strictly professional relationship.

Look, I know I haven't been around much lately.

Why don't we get together tomorrow night? Just the two of us.

Okay. I'll pick you up tomorrow night at : .

Great.

Oh, sh**t.

I just remembered,

I told Peter I'd meet him at The Tribune.

I'll be there till : . Can you pick me up there?

Whatever.

Oh! No!

[guy laughs]



My Chia Pet!

[imitates radio static]

Captain, we got a chia down.

We might require backup.

You're gonna be okay, little buddy. Don't try to talk.

You're in good hands.

Give it to me straight, doc. How bad is it?

It's pretty serious, but I've seen worse.

Fear not, chia dude.

You'll be sprouting again in no time.

[giggles]



[Jess]

Hey, Cheryl.

Hey! Did you guys run here all the way from the mall?

No, the parking lot.

Look at the great workout clothes we just bought.

They're a perfect blend of cotton and lycra--

To ensure ultimate performance.

And for hair, after careful consideration,

we decided to go for a combination of

Claudia's bangs and Cindy's ponytail.

Shopping for clothes and getting your hair done is one thing.

Um, but, real exercise takes work.

-We love exercise. -Exactly.

You know what they say, "No pain,

no pain."

[Woman]

Hello? Must I remind you,

you're talking to the captain of the cheerleading team.

Please! You two get winded turning the pages of Cosmo.

That was a double holiday issue.

[chuckles]

This is a waste of my time.

Look, I've got to go to the park for my ten-mile run.

[mellow song playing]



♪ Get up, 'cause the girls Are going crazy ♪

♪ This doesn't have to mean Anything more ♪

♪ It's fine even when We've gone crazy ♪

♪ It seems like We never get bored ♪

♪ I've got to get out And I've got to shout ♪

♪ 'Cause I just can't take it ♪

♪ I need a surprise The sun in the skies ♪

♪ I want more, more, more ♪

♪ Get up, 'cause the girls Are going crazy ♪

♪ This doesn't have to mean Anything more ♪

♪ It's fine even when We've gone crazy ♪

♪ It seems like We never get bored ♪

♪ Get up, 'cause the girls Are going crazy ♪

♪ This doesn't have to mean Anything more ♪

♪ It's fine even when We've gone crazy ♪

♪ It seems like We never get bored ♪

♪ It's fine even when We've gone crazy ♪

♪ It only means you want More, more, more ♪

So, Cheryl, great workout today, huh?

You guys were pretty impressive out there,

-Guess I was wrong. -Impressive enough to be in your video?

-Well... -We've even mastered the perfect workout video smile.

Okay. If you still want to be in the video, be at the set at : on Saturday.

Here, take my production schedule.

I'm psyched you guys have the stamina to do it.

-Stamina? -What's stamina have to do with it?

It's the -Minute Total Trimmer.

Anyone can workout for minutes.

We'll be out in time to catch the Brad Pitt film festival at the Cineplex.

[gasps]

Hold your hormones! I wouldn't count on it.

According to this schedule,

we'll be working out for...

[both]

hours?

Ah, the personal ads.

Not moving up in the world.

If we're lucky, maybe tomorrow we'll get obituaries.

Hey, don't joke. People would die to get that job.

-Oh. -[chuckles]



I mean, look at these things.

"Male seeks female for companionship."

My goldfish could come up with a better line.

Okay, Mr. Creativity.

If you had to write one, what would you say?

Are you suggesting I need a personal ad?

Of course not. Just for fun. Come on, I'll start you off.

Ambitious, intelligent male

-seeks-- -Okay, hold on. Give me a second.

Clark Kent seeks his Lois Lane.

Should be brainy reporter type.

Great sense of humor.

Likes Allan Bloom.

Maybe interested in going to dinner with me tomorrow--

-Peter, I... -Liz.

[Todd]

Let's go.

Okay, I'll make sure it gets in tomorrow's edition. Thanks.

So, I see you've decided to do a little redecorating.

Liz, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable the other night.

I didn't know you had a boyfriend.

Peter, I'm flattered by what you said,

but Todd and I have been going out for a long time.

I should've told you.

So you're getting tired of him and you're ready to upgrade.

[sighs]

I think it would be better for both of us

if we keep our relationship strictly business.

Okay, it's cool. It's your call.

[sighs]

Good. Let's work.

-Peter, can I... -Liz, can you...

-You first. -No. What were you gonna say?

Never mind.

-Can I borrow the stapler? -Do you need the stapler?

-Maybe we should... -I started...

[Peter]

Oh, I'll get it.

-I can't do this. -Liz, wait. You don't have to...

[sighs]



I can't believe we have to workout for hours on Saturday.

We'll never be able to pull this off.

Take a chill pill, Jess.

I've arranged five back-to-back sessions

with Igor Svenlander,

personal trainer to the stars.

That's fantastic.

But wait, five back-to-back sessions?

It sounds like a lot of work.

Haven't you ever crammed for an exam?

No.

Trust me on this. After one day with Igor,

we will be in the best shape of our lives.

I have never been in so much pain in my life.

Just a small price to pay for fame.

Easy for you to say. You didn't see Igor's bill.

Girls, girls, we mustn't forget the cool-down exercises.

That's betty betty important.

Who's Betty?

I can't understand a word that guy says.

Lila, could you pass me the water?

[snoring]



-Lila? -[snoring]



Lila?

[groans]

Get myself... up.

What happened to your internship?

You haven't been at The Tribune for the last two nights.

I'm taking some time off.

Why? I thought you loved it there.

I don't know, Enid. I'm so confused.

sh**t.

Well, there's someone at The Tribune--

No, I mean it's your turn, sh**t.

But I thought...

Ta-da! It was touch-and-go for a little while,

but he pulled through like a champ.

Thanks.

If there are any complications,

feel free to call me.

-Dr. Shred, Chia Pet fed. -[giggles]



Oh, and by the way,

the little guy likes Pearl Jam.

The early years.

-Bye. -I'm not even going to ask.

Isn't it weird how someone can come into your life out of nowhere,

and it's like you're on the exact same wavelength.

-Yeah. -Like, you just know

you have all the same interests,

and you can talk about anything.

And you can't get them off your mind no matter what you do.

Exactly.

[sighs]



Like you and Todd. You're perfect for each other.

Yeah, me and Todd.

[Todd]

Okay, here's me.

I cut to the basket... Liz?

I cut to the basket,

we run a backdoor, low post, pick combination.

I mean, is that cool or what?

That's great, Todd.

Hey. Uh, Liz, I need to talk to you.

Please.

It's important.

I bet it is.

[sighs]

Okay.

I'll be right back.

You haven't returned any of my calls.

I know. I've been thinking--

Listen, Lucy finally decided to assign us our own story.

And I've been covering you for the last couple of nights, but you've got to come back.

She wants us to do this together.

Peter, I don't think this is going to--

Forget about what happened the other night.

This is the break that we've been waiting for.

Do you wanna be writing classifieds the rest of your life?

Marker...

Remind me never to take five back-to-back sessions with Igor The Torturer again.

My neck's k*lling me.

-This better be worth it. -Stop whining.

After we sh**t this video, we'll be celebrities.

It's an exercise video, Jess. Not Oprah.

[Cheryl]

There you are.

I didn't think you guys were gonna make it.

Are you kidding? We wouldn't miss this for the world.

Great. Well, whenever you guys are ready.

[director clapping]

Girls, girls!

-Okay, girls. -[loud tweeting]



Girls, girls... Now,

everybody, take your places.

Now... Now, before we begin the warm-up,

I want to get an angle on this sh*t.

So, um, I want everybody down for five counts.

Follow Cheryl.

[Cheryl]

One, and two, and three, and four,

-and up... -[Jess yelps]



Ow! Ow!

I'm fine. I'll be up in just a minute.

[director]

Girls, girls.

Is there a problem here?

No. No problemo.

She said, "Everybody up."

Now, that includes you two girls up front.

Lila, I can't move.

I can't either.

Ralph!

Ralph? Ralph, could I have just... just a little help?

We are already running minutes behind schedule.

[bones cracking]



Hey! What are you doing?

You haven't checked our triple hair flip twist combination.

Put me down!

Do you think Yvonne would put up with this?

Hey! Watch the spandex, buster!

Excuse me. Could you drop us off at the Brad Pitt film festival, please?

How long can it take to look over our article?

We just have to wait it out.

Every good reporter knows, you have to be patient.

That does it. I can't take it anymore.

-Where is she? -[clears throat]



-Hi. -Hi.

Well... congratulations.

-I approved your article. -Really? That's incredible.

Lucy, we really appreciate the opportunity.

You both did an excellent job.

In fact, you know, you make quite a team.

Can't argue with the boss.

Peter, I can't believe I almost gave up on this.

But you didn't.

Thanks to you.

[both]

We did it! [laughing]



♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you At Sweet Valley High ♪