03x05 - Are You a Man or a Mouse?

[bunniefuu]

[birds chirping]



Mmm.

[Liz]

Jess, I got to ride to school with Cheryl.

I'll see you later.

Mmm. Blanche.

[screaming]

A mouse!

Run away. Shoo.

[man]

Good sh*t, Reggie.

So, Liz miss another one of your games.

It's three in a row, isn't it?

Don't remind me.

I'm almost there.

You can't lay on the table. That's against the rules.

And you're scuffing the cloth.

I'll never understand pool.

There's way too many rules.

Look, it's simple. Watch.

Awesome.

The trick is--

[pager beeping]



Oh, that's Liz. I gotta go.

Liz has you on a beeper?

Another victim of the electronic leash.

It's no big deal. She's just really busy.

Let me get this straight.

The only time you see her is when she has time for you.

Yeah, it's like she's calling for a Todd delivery.

Dude, you're a pizza.

OK, I get your point. But I mean, what am I supposed to do?

You got to lay down the law.

Yeah. You gotta know...

is she your babe or is he not your babe?

You're right. But, I mean, I hate talking about this stuff.

All you need is practice.

-Reggie, you be Liz. Todd, you be you. -I can't do this.

Do you want to wear a beeper for the rest of your life?

Now ask him-- um, her.

All right. All right. Um...

Liz, I'm sick of taking a backseat to everything else in your life.

[imitating Liz]

Oh, Todd, I'm sorry.

You are one [unclear]

and I will always be your home slice.

Great. I feel a lot better.

But you get the idea.

Once Liz realizes she's been blowing you off

she's gonna make you her top priority.

Well, I guess it's worth a sh*t.

-And what have you got to lose? -Besides a beeper.

[theme song playing]



♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be Two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

[knocking on door]



[knocking on door]



Hi, Todd.

Liz,

I'm tired of taking a backseat to everything else in your life.

I need to know what's going on.

Actually I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

I mean, just tell me. I mean, what's up with me and you?

I didn't want it to happen this way.

And that's right. I mean, you need to take a look at your priorities.

Wait a minute.

What do you mean you didn't want what to happen this way?

This is really hard for me, but...

I think we should break up.

What?

It's that dweeb from the Tribune , isn't it?

Peter has nothing to do with this.

Todd, we've been drifting apart for a while now.

-We have nothing in common anymore. -Nothing in common?

We've been together for two years. We have everything in common.

I mean, we both like... cereal.

-Face it. We've changed. -No, you've changed.

-And not for the better. -Todd, please.

You know why I'm glad you brought this up.

Because I've been feeling exactly the same way.

-Todd-- -Yeah, have a great life.

Goodbye, Todd.

I'm telling you, Lila, it was a huge rat with pointy teeth.

It was at least feet long.

But that's not the worst part.

It ate a pair of Blanche shoes.

Of course, I'm sure.

The box was empty.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

What happened to you?

I just broke up with Todd.

Is that all? You scared me for a minute.

He seemed so surprised.

I mean, after the way things have been going lately

I thought it was obvious we're gonna break up.

And then he got angry, right?

Yeah.

Then he tried to act like it was his idea.

-How do you know all this? -Please.

All guys do the same thing.

I call it the Jake Reynolds' reaction.

Jake Reynolds?

We dated for a month,

but I met somebody cuter.

So I dumped him. He went through all the classic symptoms.

Denial, anger...

tries to apologize, tries to win me back, depression...

-Must have been hard. -You're telling me?

It made dating his best friend almost impossible.

-So you think Todd's gonna drag this out? -Absolutely.

-I bet he calls in two hours. -I don't think so.

He acted like he never wanted to see me again.

[phone ringing]



Wow. He's worse off than I thought.

Let the machine pick it up.

-[ringing continues]

-I can't even talk to him?

It'll only make things worse.

Trust me. He needs time to get over you.

[automated message]

We're out. Leave a message, if you must.

[recorder beeps]



Hey, Liz, it's me.

I know you're there. Can you please pick up?

Now he'll try to apologize. Don't fall for it.

Look, I just wanted to apologize for flying off the handle like that. I...

Well, I'll call you back, OK?

He's not gonna make this easy.

They never do. But listen,

if you ever wanna talk about it, I'm always here for you.

Thanks, Jess. I feel like I really need--

That's Lila. Gotta go.

Beethoven.

Oh, no, where's Beethoven?

Beethoven!

Here little mouse.

[whistling]



Beethoven!

[kissing]



Beethoven!

[indistinct chattering]



So, what happened?

Liz broke up with me.

Harsh. Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

You don't understand, Reg.

Todd and Liz are an institution.

Like Romeo and Juliet. Like Anthony and Cleopatra.

Shaggy and Scooby.

I can't believe it's over.

Sounds like you need to get Liz off your board, man.

Surf alone for a while.

You're right. You know, I'm gonna do that,

but first I'm going over to her house.

Todd, you gotta let go.

No. She's got one of my favorite CDs.

I want it back.

He's making a big mistake.

Totally. Unless it's like Pearl Jam's Vitalogy or something.

I would insist on getting that back.

Liz, I heard about you and Todd. You're doing OK?

Yeah, I guess. But Todd is taking it harder than I thought he would.

I feel so bad. We were together for so long.

It's never easy. No matter who does the breaking up.

We have another problem though. Beethoven's missing.

-You're kidding. -I opened the box

after his -hour isolation test and he was gone.

But our science project is due Tuesday.

-[sighs]

-We might as well take our F now.

We can't. I've never had an F in my life.

All right, we just have to find him. He's gotta be in your house somewhere.

♪ Ding- dong, The mouse is dead ♪

Oh, that makes the score... Mad Max,

and the mice, one.

Heh. I'll never forget old big Gray.

He was the one that got away.

I-I'd been chasing that monster for six years.

OK, creepy old guy.

As much as I'd love to hear more of your mouse tales from the crypt,

I have dinner plans and I'd like to keep my appetite.

Oh, dear, I-I think I'll go to the diner around the corner,

they got mice there size of footballs.

[Jessica]

Whatever.

You take the upstairs. I'll take the living room and kitchen.

-Beethoven! -Beethoven!

[doorbell dings]



[Cheryl]

Don't open the door too wide.

Don't worry, I'll be careful.

-Liz, hi. -Todd, what are you doing here?

Uh, I was just in the neighborhood...

jogging, and...

Isn't that your car in the driveway?

[chuckles]

So that's where I left it.

Anyway, um, I remember I left some CDs here.

-Hang on. Let me go find 'em. -OK, uh...

No, thanks. You don't have to invite me in. Really...

I'll just wait out here... yeah, alone.

Thanks. So, I guess, uh, I'm not allowed in the house anymore, huh?

Look, Todd, I'm really busy.

All right...

I'll just stand here like a total idiot.

[doorbell dings]



Uh, what about my Green Day CD?

-Oh, right. Sorry, let me get it. -Great. 'Cause I--

You know, you don't have to slam the door on my face.

I didn't mean to. Look, I can't really talk right now, OK?

I'm sorry.

[doorbell ringing continuously]



-Now what? -I want my Spin Magazine.

And you're wearing my sweater. I want that too.

Fine, Mr. Maturity. I'll be right back.

Satisfied? Here's all your stuff back.

Including your stupid sweater.

Now go home, Todd, please.

If you were Beethoven, where would you go?

To the symphony.

Spring cleaning?

You guys might wanna try this great new invention.

It's called the vacuum.

Actually we're looking for Beethoven.

Ooh, I see.

And you think Beethoven is in our house?

He could be.

Ooh! I see him.

He's in the kitchen eating breakfast with the Trix Rabbit and the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Jess, Beethoven is our mouse for science class.

We've been studying it for weeks.

A mouse?

Yeah, he escaped from a shoebox we were keeping him in.

Was it in a Blanche shoebox on the bathroom counter?

Yes. Did you see it?

Was it white, hairy, with piggy little eyes?

Yeah, exactly. So you did see it?

No, but, um, I saw a spider once in an old box of Keds.

[sighs]

If we don't find Beethoven by Tuesday

we'll fail the whole project.

So keep your eyes open.

Yeah, sure. You know, I'mma start looking for him,

at the mall.

Why, she's a lot of help.

[indistinct chattering]



Whoa, you got the box.

The box?

Liz gave me all my stuff back.

I mean, I only asked for a couple things and... she flew off the handle.

It doesn't sound like Liz.

Whose side are you on?

Oh, no.

I do not take sides when it comes to breakups. No.

Yeah, but who do you think is right? Liz or Todd?

I can't believe she got so mad. I mean, she won't even let me in the house.

I had to stand on the doorstep.

That's downright frosty.

Tell me about it.

I mean how could she just throw away all the things that we had?

She didn't throw these away.

Nice shades. Can I have them?

Take what you want. And I don't care anymore.

Just reminds me of her anyway.

Todd, you need to get your mind off Liz for a while.

You need to spend some time with the guys.

Excellent idea Win's telling you.

It's time for some serious dude bonding at Casa de Shred.

[man on TV]

There's been a big rise in the crime in this particular neighborhood.

We've been watching this guy for a long time--

[Shred]

That's the cereal, bro.

[Winston]

Yeah, quit hogging it.

[man on TV]

This type of crime definitely makes our job tougher.

But it's all worthwhile when you can make the arrest.

Take them of the street.

Well, dudes, that was episode of Cops.

Do you bad boys get what it's all about?

Ooh, ooh, let me guess.

It's about cops arresting people

and putting them in jail. Huh?

Not just people. Real people.

Dudes that have bodywalked

one too many times on the dark surf of life.

Makes your grief seem pretty micro, doesn't it?

Not really.

Well,

as much as I enjoy this prime-time crime,

I gotta go to work.

Hey, just remember this one thing.

You gotta hang in there 'cause if you think about it,

being single is just like dating.

It's just without the other person, you know?

[Todd]

Huh?

Hey, got an idea!

I know something that'll make you forget about Liz.

Get ready to rock.

It's the battle of the Eddies. You be Van Halen, I'll be Vedder.

[rock music playing]



♪ I know you never get To sleep until four ♪

♪ I always hear you tryna Knock at my door ♪

♪ I wanna sleep until I can't sleep no more ♪

♪ Would you mind if I curl up On the floor? ♪

♪ Now look at the time ♪

♪ I've made up my mind ♪

♪ So be kind ♪

♪ Now turn off the light And call it a night ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ Now look at the time ♪

♪ I've made up my mind ♪

♪ So be kind ♪

♪ Now turn off the light ♪

♪ And call it a night ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

Hmm.

In you go, you disgusting little fur ball.

Now act like Beethoven or you're cat food.

Liz, get in here. Liz!

-Jess, what's going on? -Beethoven's back.

Roll over, Beethoven.

Roll over, Beethoven.

I don't believe it. He crawled back in the box?

Yep. All by himself.

-What's this? -Nothing.

A receipt from the Perky Petshop?

Even mice need to shop.

-This isn't Beethoven. -How can you tell?

I mean, of course it's Beethoven. Who else could it be?

Then explain this.

All right.

But you're not gonna like it.

Beethoven's gone. He's dead.

You k*lled him? How could you?

I didn't k*ll him. That creepy little exterminator guy did.

You paid money to have Beethoven k*lled?

Not that much. I had a coupon.

Thanks to you I'm gonna fail my assignment.

How about you use this one? He seems smart.

No, the data won't match. Just... take him back to the store.

But Beethoven...

Why would anyone name a mouse after a dog?

[indistinct chattering]



Winslow, you've gotta help me, man.

Todd's been at my place all weekend.

The dude will not leave. He's a barnacle.

But he's not thinking about Liz, right? So the plan is working.

The plan is not working.

He watches way too much TV. He plays video games all night long.

And he hasn't showered in days.

This makes you uncomfortable?

He smells like low tide.

Come on, Reg, he can't be that bad.

He's been parked at my place way too long.

He's wearing my clothes and he's even talking like me.

[girl]

Hey, is that Todd Wilkins?

[girls giggling]



You're right. That is not Todd Wilkins.

That is not human.

We need another plan.

It's so bright out here. Let's go back inside.

If I spend any more time inside I'll start growing mushrooms.

Here, catch.

Hey, dude!

How about some warning first?

Sorry, bro. See, ever since I was a little grommet

I wanted to learn how to sh**t a layup.

I was hoping you could help me out.

Dude, I've got serious Nintendo thumb.

I can barely move my hand.

I just thought, you know, now that we're buds

you could offer me a few pointers.

That's cool. I can do it.

[grunting]



How's that?

Oh, your technique is horrible.

Here, give me the ball.

Watch.

That was awesome. Do you know how to dunk?

Let's get the layup down first, then we'll work on the dunk.

[yells]



Liz!

-Jess, what's wrong? -Look.

-Beethoven. Ah, you're alive. -Eww.

Wait, if that's Beethoven then who did the exterminator k*ll?

Well, that's a good question.

But you know what they say...

if you have one mouse, you have mice.

[Jessica screaming]



[theme music playing]



♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪