03x03 - Cary Becomes Somewhat of a Name

[bunniefuu]

[EERIE MUSIC]

[OWL HOOTS]

♪

Hey, you okay? Need a ride?

Oh, okay.

♪

[LAUGHTER]

And I don't have work today

since I quit my meaningless job,

so let's go ahead and

make those bottomless.

- The nachos?

- Yeah.

This is so cool.

I've never even been on a double date,

and now I'm on a triple?

Actually, we're not

really feeling this, right?

- Yeah. Gave it a sh*t.

- Okay, bye.

Oh, we're watching "Survivor" next week,

if you want to come.

Hey, I gotta run to the bathroom.

Order me pancakes?

[CHUCKLES] Sure.

So isn't he great?

We're sort of a couple now.

And how are you a couple?

Okay, yes, I know it's not ideal

since he's in character

as an 18-year-old virgin,

so we haven't been able to have sex yet.

But his show wraps today, so

then we will get to have sex

and, technically, meet.

And it's cool dating an actor.

We just, like, get each other, you know?

Totally. And same.

Lance and I are so well-matched

now that we've both left the industry.

We were always well-matched, B.

Yeah, and he pushes

me, too, in my career.

Like, this morning I sh*t a self-tape

for this big period drama.

And then tonight, I

have a director's session

- with Wes Anderson on Zoom.

- What?

And then another Zoom

audition after that.

So we're sort of, like,

a Hollywood power couple.

Oh.

Hey, I missed you.

Like, a lot.

Aw.

[LIPS SMACKING]

Ugh.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

♪

[LAUGHTER]

Wait, so, Curtis,

how's "The Gay Minute"?

I still watch every day.

You got mad charisma, bro.

You should be on TV.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, really.

You're, like, better than I was.

All right, shut up.

That's nice. I'm trying.

I just don't have reps right now,

so I have to troll Actor's Access

for auditions, which is humil

♪

Wait, Mom?

Yes! Hi, honey. Can I eat this?

Wait, where is your security detail?

Oh, I don't need all that for

a simple brunch with my kids.

They'd have to get

clearances, sweep the place.

I didn't want to bother them.

So they don't know you're here?

No. I escaped in the night, Cary.

That's fully insane.

Yeah, and I didn't realize

how long it would take

to walk to Manhattan,

but it's worth it to be with my kids.

Wait. Oh, my God, Pat Dubek?

- [EXCITED CHATTER]

- Oh, my God. No. Sorry.

Sorry, we're just trying to have

a nice, normal family brunch.

My God!

Oh, there she is.

Move away. Step back, please. Ma'am.

Ma'am, you cannot sneak out on us.

What? I didn't!

Ah, dang it.

[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.

I-I-I'm a winner ♪

I'm sorry for sneaking out, Frank.

It won't happen again, I promise.

It's all good, ma'am. Thank you.

Anyway, how have you been?

How's your mom's cancer?

Not good. Stage four.

She's in hospice out on Long Island.

Oh, no, I'm so sorry to hear that.

- Is she still on Long Island?

- What?

Well, yeah, I just said that she's

That's nice, though.

And you grew up on Long

Island, right, Frank?

What is your favorite, longest story

about growing up on Long Island?

Oh, wow.

[LAUGHS] That's so funny, Frank.

[SIGHS] Pat's on the move.

- Frank!

- [LAUGHTER]

Okay, so I guess we can

take DaBaby off the list.

- [LAUGHTER]

- Don't want to deal with that!

- [LAUGHTER]

- No way!

[LAUGHING AWKWARDLY]

Deal with what? Uh, what did he do?

Oh, just some, uh, industry gossip.

But you're no longer in the industry,

so doesn't feel right telling you.

Oh, that's totally fine.

Um, and actually, it's why I'm here

to say my goodbyes.

As you may have heard,

I have left the industry

to start doing good.

[CHUCKLES] Well, not today.

Today is Friday. But Monday, I do good.

And honestly, I feel sad

for all of you still here,

just piddling away

at this pointless job.

So I have a challenge: join me.

Leave this behind and choose

a life of meaning, of goodness,

a life where we can make

a difference together!

So who's with me?

You know what? I am.

Shuli?

I quit.

Okay, is that it? Is it just Trish?

You know what, it's

probably not worth it

if it's just us two.

So, Trish, you can you can stay.

Well, I don't want her now.

She just quit.

Trish, you're fired.

Oh, Trish.

Well, my work here is done,

so I am off to help the world.

Minus, uh, Trish, whose

life I did just ruin.

So goodbye, all, and not to be rude,

but there is not one single thing

I'm gonna miss about the industry.

Okay, next order of business,

tonight's big, huge party!

- Ooh, a party.

- A party?

- Yay, a party!

- [EXCITED CHATTER]

- Damn it.

- Be not afraid.

As long as there is air in my lungs,

I will tell your story.

You shan't have d*ed in vain.

Wow, this is incredible!

Oh, I'm sorry, Cary.

I'm not in the office this week.

Can you hear me okay?

Yep, and that's great.

- I'm so glad you liked it.

- Loved it.

I really believed you were

a 16th-century knight.

Unfortunately, I can't

send this to the producers.

Uh, but that's

that's who I did it for.

It's just, I know for a fact

they picture this role with long hair.

Oh, well, I just

I just assumed I would

grow my hair out if I got the part.

And I'm with you, Cary,

but these people are dumb.

If they don't see long

hair, they can't picture it.

So if it's between you

and someone with long hair,

nine times out of ten,

they're going with long hair.

Luckily, with self-tapes,

it's easy to keep making adjustments.

So I say just go out,

buy a wig, style the wig,

apply the wig, redo the tape,

and then I think we should be good.

Okay. Uh, sure.

Yes.

That sounds, uh, very easy.

Okay, so tonight's

party is in the Hamptons.

Ellen is throwing herself

a big birthday bash

and has agreed not to go

so people can enjoy it.

- ALL: Aww.

- That's nice of her.

Literally everyone is invited,

as long as they're in the industry.

[SIGHS]

And we can't put this off any longer,

so Chase will be using this party

to debut his shitty little rat look.

- [ALL GROAN]

- What?

I know, but now that he's 18,

he legally has to look like

a gross, shitty little rat

for at least one event, and

I need someone to go with

You know, I could be back in

the industry just for tonight,

if you need someone to take him.

But then tomorrow, I am back out.

Well, that's okay.

I'm having Streeter go.

Wait, what?

I get to go to the parties now?

Whoo-hoo!

In your face, Brooke! [LAUGHS]

Okay, that's totally fine.

I'll just stay out, then.

[CHUCKLES] Like I wanted.

Just, you know, trying to help.

Oh, those are for employees.

If you want a La Croix,

you'll need to buy one at the store.

- The store?

- Be not afraid.

As long as there is air in my lungs,

I will tell your story.

You shan't have d*ed in vain.

Cary, yes! This

performance is incredible.

It's even better than

your last performance.

Okay, great! So we can

send that one off

But I'm worried the

hair is now too long.

Also, I'm just noticing

all this green behind you.

The green screen?

Well, I know it's a green screen, Cary.

But these people, they're gonna think

you're on some kind of slime planet.

And I know for a fact they

don't want slime pla

Be not afraid.

As long as there is air in my lungs,

I will tell your story.

You shan't have d*ed in vain.

Oh, there you are! Hi, Cary.

Mom, what are you doing here?

Oh, well, I just thought

I'd come hang with you

at your apartment, no biggie.

Did you sneak away from

your security detail again?

- Oh, Pat Dubek!

- Pat Dubek?

Pat Dubek, over here!

Oh, can you just let me in real quick?

Ma'am, you have to stop

running away from us.

- Oh, dang it!

- It's okay

Okay. The hair is now great, Cary.

But obviously, I can't send this one in.

Yeah, sorry, I forgot to edit out

the part where my mom showed up.

No, she's fun. They'll love that.

- The problem is the background.

- The what?

You're supposed to be in the 1500s.

These people are gonna see a

fridge and lose their minds.

So does your apartment have

any Gothic arches you could feature?

Sorry, does my apartment

have Gothic arches?

Also, your shirt, Cary?

Knights tended to wear more armor.

[RAP MUSIC]

- BOTH: ChaseDreams!

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

[LAUGHTER]

[SIGHS]

Hey guys, welcome.

Don't worry. She's not here.

[WHISPERING] Please, please, please!

You got this.

We're together.

And the same age.

Hi, can I get a, um

okay.

Yes, I can keep holding.

How was my weekend? Fine!

It was fine. I had a fine weekend.

Look at that loser.

Been there, but not today.

Today I get to actually enjoy the party

and not spend the whole time working.

Okay, rude.

But makes sense. All

industry people are.

Ooh!

Hello?

God, f*cking agents.

It's just, what if Ellen shows up?

Oh. Don't worry, she's in LA.

Don't worry, she's in LA.

Okay, I just said that.

Oh, come on, I know I'm

not in the industry anymore,

but it's not like you can't see me.

Or wait, can

can people literally not see me?

Just a reminder,

the museum will be closing in one hour.

As you can see, this museum houses

the largest collection

of 16th-century armor

anywhere in the city.

Armor was customarily worn by knights.

These proud warriors were

given the title of knighthood

at a beautiful altar,

like the one you see before you.

Here, they'd swear the knightly code

to protect the weak

and defend the honor

of the entire monarchy.

Take a second to really

look at this altar.

Isn't it quite an altar?

Now, as a needless digression

a folly, really turn around

and look at the doorway

you just walked into.

Walk up to the knight on the right.

Not the one on the left.

Look at the one on the ri

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[WHISPERING] Oh, God.

Are they coming back? No, no, no.

Really get close to the helmet.

If you get close enough, you may see

your breath fog up the steel.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

- [PHONE BUZZING]

- Call from Mackenzie.

Do you want to answer?

[WHISPERING] Yes.

Cary, this last take was flawless.

Where did you find that suit of armor?

My closet.

Well, this should

absolutely get you the part.

Unfortunately, they

went with Dylan O'Brien.

What? f*cking O'Brien.

Yeah, they decided they wanted a name.

So annoying when they do that.

But at least you didn't need

to leave your apartment.

Self-tapes really are so much easier.

- Mm-hmm.

- Anyway, don't forget

you're Zooming with Wes Anderson in 45.

- Right! sh*t. sh*t.

- [COUPLE SCREAMS]

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

I'm truly sorry for sneaking out again.

Here, I made you some tea.

Thank you, ma'am. That's very nice.

And we know you wanted

to go to Ellen's tonight,

especially since she's

not gonna be there.

But we assessed some high-level threats

and think it's safest not to go.

Oh, I totally understand.

I'm happy to hang here.

Anyway, enjoy your tea, guys.

[VACUUM WHIRRING]

[WHISPERING] Three, two, one.

[THUMPING]

Yes!

Okay, okay, okay.

Pat's on the move!

[RAP MUSIC]

God, I know.

He is such an assh*le.

Who? Who's an assh*le?

Macey, good to see you.

Hey, guess what.

A bunch of people are about to take out

one of Ellen's speedboats.

- Anyone want to go?

- all: Sure.

- Yes, I do!

- Okay.

One, two, three, four, five.

Yes! We should all fit. Come on.

[EXCITED CHATTER]

[SCOFFS] What?

That is the craziest

thing I've ever heard.

I can't believe DaBaby did that.

He'd better hope that doesn't come out.

Hope what doesn't come out?

What did DaBaby do?

Hello? Hello!

Wait, I think I hear something.

Nope, never mind.

How spooky.

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck

Oh, come on, come on,

come on, come on, come on.

- Cary?

- Hey, hi.

- Uh, so sorry I'm late.

- Oh, hey!

No, that is 100% fine. This is low-key.

Wes just wants to chat with a few people

- he's circling for the role.

- Awesome.

I have never been circled for anything,

- so this is really cool.

- Great.

Well, why don't you just hang here

in the waiting room until Wes is ready.

Oh, and when Wes comes

on, make sure you are

perfectly centered in the frame, okay?

- Okay.

- Thanks.

[DINGS]

[DINGS]

Yo, am I on? Can you hear me?

[GROANS]

Yeah uh, I can hear you.

Uh, Dylan O'Brien?

- Sup? Nice to meet you, man.

- You too.

You auditioning for

Ambassador to Belgium too?

Yes. It's a small part,

so I thought I had a sh*t.

But I guess I do not.

I can't even f*cking believe

I still gotta audition.

I'm the f*cking Maze Runner, bro.

Yes, I yeah. Big fan.

Um, but I think I'm actually gonna go.

Hey, you reek.

[LAUGHS]

- Sorry, I reek.

- Okay, um

You know how long this is gonna be?

- I I

- I think I'm gonna take

a little shower, 'cause

I don't smell great.

And Daddy don't do good

on a stinky audish.

- You know what I'm saying?

- Yes.

Just gonna leave this right here.

You mind letting me

know if they come in?

I'm just gonna turn my camera off.

Uh, okay. Sure, yeah.

Okay, camera off.

[GASPS]

- Uh

- [SHOWER RUNNING]

Whoo!

[LAUGHS] That's crazy.

It's true. Like, it is true.

[SIGHS]

Wait. Can can you see me?

Of course.

Hey, I'm Doug.

Oh, hi.

No one can see me either.

My cousin who brought

me, he works at WME.

But I'm just an immigration lawyer.

So the only people who can see me are

Oh, this is Betsy.

Her husband's a producer

for Drew Barrymore,

and she's a social worker.

For teens.

Do either of you know

what happened with DaBaby?

Who's DaBaby?

- [SNIFFLES]

- Oh Natalie, over here.

Brooke, you got to meet Natalie.

She's a translator who

speaks five languages.

Okay, yes!

Someone hot!

I mean, hi.

God, it is so f*cked up that

people can't see any of us

because we're "not in the industry."

Anyway, I'm Brooke.

Yeah, no, we've met before.

I was at the "Night Nurse" premiere.

We actually sat really

close to each other.

Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry.

Hi, everyone.

My fiancé is about to sit down.

Oof. So right on you?

That's okay, you were in

a different place then.

But now that you've

left the industry behind,

- I'm sure you can probably see

- Bathroom this way.

How it makes people a little cra oh.

[SHOWER RUNNING]

Pitty, pitty, pitty, balls.

Truly, thank you for this.

You would think seeing him

naked would be a letdown,

but it is better.

And remember, when he gets out,

you have to log off fast, okay?

- Promise.

- Yes. No, no, no.

He won't even know I was here.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

Hey, you have to mute!

If you're gonna screenshot,

you have to mute!

He's coming! He's coming!

Go! Log off, log off, log off!

Oh, my God, I can't find the button.

- I can't find the button!

- Just hit the X!

- Go, go, go, go, go!

- I can't find the button!

[CHIMES]

Camera on.

Yo, what's up? Did I miss anything?

No, no. Just sitting here waiting.

Um, so you could actually

pop back in that shower,

- if you wanted

- Hey, guys.

Thank you so much for waiting.

But unfortunately, Wes has decided

to go with George Clooney.

It's nothing against the two of you.

- He just wanted a huge name.

- Yeah.

So annoying, right? Okay. Take care.

- Bye.

- Wow. f*cking Clooney.

- [SIGHS] Stupid.

- Every time.

Well, good luck with everything, man.

I'm gonna take a long, hard piss.

- All right.

- Camera off.

[PEE SLOSHING]

Nakey pee-pee.

[SIGHS]

[SHOWER RUNNING]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

♪

What the

hello?

Is someone there?

♪

Oh, sh*t.

Help!

I need help in here!

- He's in here!

- Help!

- What's up? What's wrong?

- What's going on?

- Are you okay?

- Why is the shower on?

The mirror.

Someone's writing

something on the mirror.

♪

Oh, my God. Okay.

No one freak out, but I think

Brooke Dubek is in this bathroom.

- What? Right now?

- How freaky.

Yeah, she recently left the industry

but hasn't fully crossed over yet.

'Cause being out sucks, Shuli!

No cool people can see or hear me?

Brooke, if you're trying to contact us,

we cannot see or hear you!

[SCREAMS]

Okay, you know what? Here.

Anyone have any wine?

It's just, I used to be a

35-year-old in the industry.

But now I'm just a 35-year-old person?

That's f*cking nothing!

Where is she?

So you know what? No. f*ck it.

I'm back in the industry.

Ah! Oh, Jesus.

Oh. [GASPS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

Hello, Brooke.

- [CHIMES]

- Uh, hi. Cary?

Hey. Hi, sorry I'm late.

Uh, my last Zoom ran hard long.

- Uh, it ran long. Um

- Uh, no worries.

And quick Q before we start.

You guys, uh you don't want

a name for this one, do you?

No, not at all.

This is a sitcom pilot for Paramount+,

so we're seeing tons of no-names.

Great, great. And uh, one more thing.

All the sides I got

were for a female

character named Courtney.

Uh, yes, this role was

a woman till yesterday,

but now she's a gay man.

Oh, okay.

Well, I didn't get any new pages.

Oh, there are none.

But uh, it still works.

Oh. Um, okay.

I guess let's let's do it.

Great. [CLEARS THROAT]

"Tegan and her BFF Courtney,

29, hot even with no

makeup, get manicures."

Okay, girl. Dish. Hot date tonight?

Ha! Girl, I wish.

Ever since my promotion, I

haven't even had the energy

to flirt with a guy.

I guess us girls can't have it all.

[LAUGHS] Courtney, stop PMSing.

- You'll find Mr. Right.

- When?

It's not like I'm gonna

find anyone at work,

except Rick, who spends

all day staring at my ass.

God, men are such pigs.

You need a spa day.

No, girl. I need a spa year!

Uh, yes! Wow, that was perfect.

- That was so funny, Cary.

- Thank you, thank you.

We should actually have

a decision for you soon,

- maybe the next few hours.

- Whoa!

Uh, great. Well, thank you so much.

I just gotta run to a party, but yeah

No, thank you. We're such fans.

- Oh, thank you!

- Bye.

Bye.

[EXHALES]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪

Thank you so much. [CHUCKLES]

Good to see you.

[SIGHS]

So who's an assh*le?

Oh, Channing Tatum's old makeup artist.

- Yes! f*ck him or her.

- Mm.

God, this is so much better

than talking to some girl

who speaks five languages.

Oh, you were talking to Natalie.

She's my little sister.

Oh, of course you know Natalie,

'cause of Lance.

I sorry, that

Natalie girl knows Lance?

Well, yeah, I mean, she translates

for a lot of his patients,

so they always hang at the hospital.

They have this whole banter in Spanish.

It's annoying.

I never know what they're talking about.

But you knew that, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Sorry, I want to go

say hi to her some more.

Good luck.

I never can find her at these things.

Right.

'Cause she is now invisible to me.

Thank you.

Cary? Oh, thank God it's you.

- It's not Ellen. We're fine.

- [ALL SIGH]

- Hey.

- Hey!

- I have the craziest news.

- What?

I just booked a roll

off of Actor's Access.

What? Curtis, that's incredible.

Yeah. It's for this Paramount+ pilot.

I mean, it's kind of f*cked

up because the role used to be

a woman, and they just

changed it to a gay guy,

but whatever.

The script's funny, they

love me, and I got it.

[LAUGHS]

Wow, that's that's incredible.

I really, that's so amazing.

Um, I'm just gonna

I'm gonna run to the

bathroom real quick.

f*ck, f*cking f*ck, f*ck.

Hey, babe.

- Oh, hey.

- How are you?

Um, you're, uh you're

not in character anymore.

Hooray. Hi.

Sorry, I am, uh

- I'm just having the worst day.

- Oh, babe.

First I got passed

over for all these roles

'cause they're looking

for names, which sucks.

But, like, I get it. They're above me.

But now I just got passed

over for someone who is, uh

for Curtis, which is which is great,

but he's been hosting.

I'm the one who's been, like, acting.

Oh, I'm sorry, babe.

That's exactly how I felt

when my grandma and I lost

our town's annual Christmas

decorating showdown last year.

And I'm sure he was good,

but I thought I k*lled that audition.

That's hard, which is why this year,

my grandma and I are gonna use

twice as many Christmas lights.

Wait, why do you keep

talking about Christmas?

Oh, no, did you get

cast in something else?

sh*t!

You booked a gay

Christmas movie already?

And do we really need to be in

character full-time for that

Shh. Babe, you're stressed out.

Let me go get you some eggnog.

[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC]

♪

Oh, wow.

♪

[SQUEALS]

Hello.

Totally, totally, totally.

That's really cool.

- See you later.

- So pretty.

- Gosh, this party's so nice.

- Yeah.

You know, my security

team was worried about me

coming to this, but why would I need

security at an industry party?

There's no fans, no paparazzi.

Yeah, that is weird.

Anyways, hi. I'm Zack Smith from CAA.

- I represent Priyanka Chopra.

- Oh.

I'd love to set you

two up for a general,

maybe find a show for her on P!

Pat! Tim Downey. I

work with Laverne Cox.

I think she'd be a fantastic fit for P!

Let me tell you why.

Pat, you know who you gotta meet?

He's hilarious. Frankie Grande.

Pat, you know who you would love?

Teresa Giudice's daughter.

I really would love to

get you down for a lunch.

- Coffee sometime?

- Pushing 40, but

- Teresa Giudice's daughter.

- Frank?

- Priyanka Chopra

- Pat, you have to meet

- Nathan?

- [ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

Frank? Nathan?

Frank?

Nathan?

Oh, my God!

She's a Jonas now!

Natalie?

Hot Natalie?

Oh! There you are, Natalie.

Brooke, hey.

We were just talking about

the lack of proper education

Okay, I'm gonna assume

that you are talking,

but I cannot see you,

because whatever you're

saying is too boring.

So I need you to say

something really cool

so it pushes its way

through to my realm.

Are you related to anyone famous?

No.

Okay, I still can't see you,

so I'm gonna assume that's a no.

Have you ever worked in the industry?

Uh, I was once an extra on "Smallville."

Yes! Yes, I see a hand.

What else, Natalie?

What else could make

me see you as a person?

I dated Topher Grace for three weeks.

[ANGELIC CHOIR SINGS]

Okay, what the hell?

I didn't get that when I became visible.

Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry again

for not seeing you at "Night Nurse."

And also for forgetting that

you're Lance's friend?

[CHUCKLES] That's okay.

I'm just glad that you

two are talking again.

He was so upset.

He talks to you about me?

Yeah. I mean, we're pretty close.

And we're both in the

business of helping people,

so we just kind of get

each other, you know?

Uh-huh.

Sorry, I'm being rude.

This is my friend Julia.

Uh, Julia, tell Brooke what you learned

senior year, spring break of college.

That Emile Hirsch's d*ck is wonk?

[HARP PLAYS]

Okay, wow. You are even hotter.

Julia also knows Lance

from the hospital.

Oh, Lance is such a great guy.

He's so good.

Okay, no. No.

No, I can't do any more of this.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You went out for Courtney, didn't you?

Oh.

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

- Okay. Oh, my God.

- But it's really it's fine.

I'm I'm happy for you.

- Okay.

- I swear.

All right, well, if it

makes you feel any better,

I probably only got the role

'cause of my femme privilege.

I'm sorry, what?

Cary, the role used to be a woman.

They changed not a single line.

Who do you think's getting

that part, you or me?

I mean, is it h*m* to say you?

No. And yes.

But the answer is me.

Well, you're being very nice,

but I'm sure you were just better.

- Yeah, that too. That too.

- [LAUGHS]

But they were clearly looking

for an actor that screamed gay,

which is deeply

problematic for the world

but great for me because now

I'm Courtney No Last Name.

Well, to Courtney No Last Name.

All right, let's get some drinks.

Let's have fun. We're at Ellen's house.

[LAUGHS]

So his name is Courtney,

and it's a pilot for Paramount+.

- Wow. That's so cool, Curtis.

- Thank you, ChaseDreams.

Yeah, I'll have to, like,

check it out when it comes out.

- I mean, wow.

- I know.

We had a bunch of

clients go in for that.

- Congrats, man.

- Thank you.

- Oh, my God, you've heard.

- Oh!

- Cheers.

- Cheers, man.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Bottoms up, my dudes! Whoo!

So it's Ashley Tisdale

and it's on Paramount+,

and that's all I know.

- And that's all I need to know.

- That's amazing.

It's f*cking hard to get

cast in anything these days.

You should be so, so proud.

- Yeah, you should be.

- Oh, thanks, Car.

Thank God for that femme privilege.

- [SCOFFS]

- Yeah, we were both up

for the role, but, uh, Curtis got it.

Definitely 'cause he was way better.

But then Curtis was also saying

that, like, maybe he got it

because he was more obviously gay,

and networks kind of

want that now, so

- Yeah, lucky me.

- [PHONE BUZZING]

- I'm more femme.

- Ugh.

- If you can tell.

- My agent calling.

Probably to tell me I

did not get Courtney.

Fun! That's gonna be fun.

Where is she?

Oh! Shuli?

Um, Shuli? Shuli, hi.

I've been thinking, and I

wait, what is going on here?

Your mother snuck away

from her detail, again.

Go ahead, Pat. Tell

her what you did to us.

I drugged them with tea.

And because of that, now what happened?

I have a general with JoJo Siwa.

Okay.

Well, I guess it's good

that you're all here,

because I love you and Chase very much,

but I have decided

to leave the industry.

What?

Streeter will still represent you,

but I want to leave.

I mean, I don't want to

I actually want to stay, but I just

I I can't.

I have to go.

I mean, I

I need to go.

Oh, honey.

I didn't know you felt this way.

Yeah, yeah, but

whatever makes you happy.

- Thanks, bud.

- Okay, ma'am.

- Your car is ready.

- Ugh.

All right, we're bringing

her out right now.

I really don't want to

have lunch with JoJo Siwa.

I know. I'm sorry, Mom.

Oh, wait. Sorry, Shuli.

Before I quit, do you

think you can tell me

what's going on with DaBaby?

Just f*cking go, Brooke.

Uh, what?

This may be a joke to you,

but this is my job, and I care about it.

And frankly, I've spent

a lot of time helping you.

So this quitting, not

quitting sh*t isn't funny.

If you're out, be out.

- Oh, my God!

- [SCREAMS]

Hi, Doug.

Yes, it is the most

wonderful time of the year.

- Curtis, Curtis!

- Yeah?

Guess what. I just got a role too.

Wha whoa, whoa.

- Congratulations.

- Yeah. Yeah.

It's a three-episode arc on that show,

uh, "Emily Overruled."

Okay. CBS.

- That's prime time, baby.

- I know.

And I didn't even have to audition,

'cause I guess I'm, like,

somewhat of a name now?

But isn't that great?

- We both booked roles!

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And, um, Lucas just sang the

entirety of "Jingle Bells"

at me, so I'm assuming

he booked one too.

Yes. Ugh.

But he is not playing a virgin anymore,

so now I can take him

home and celebrate,

if you know what I mean, but gotta run.

- Such a fun night.

- Okay.

- Okay, bye, Cary.

- Bye.

- Cary?

- Bye, bye, bye.

Oh, hey. There you are.

I was just gonna oof!

Oh, God.

I'm so glad you're

playing not a virgin now.

You know what?

Let's not kiss.

Okay. What do you want to do?

I was thinking something, uh

something like this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no!

You know we're in my

hometown for Christmas.

What?

My parents are asleep in the next room!

Oh, my God.

Um, well, we'll just have to

keep it down for them, then.

No, it's not safe.

I still haven't even told them I'm gay!

What's this now?

I promise I'm gonna

tell them soon, babe.

Just not on Christmas.

Sorry, so we for real

can't have sex again?

'Cause my my hole is out.

I should probably sleep on the couch.

Night, babe.

And babe?

Merry Christmas.

[DOOR CLOSES]

This is fine.

It's his process.

["CAROL OF THE BELLS" REMIX PLAYING]

♪