04x19 - Down Horoscope

[bunniefuu]

-Yeah, I couldn't believe it. [laughs] You think so?

-[girl] Yeah, that'd be great.

[Winston] Here you go, Enid!

Overcharged you five cents.

Wow! That's unbelievable.

Umm, not really. I overcharge everybody.



-No, right here.

-Huh?

My horoscope says financial windfall coming your way.

And you just gave me a nickel.

You don't actually believe in that stuff, do you?

My aunt Esther's horoscope once said

she'd find herself in a prickly situation

and that came true.

What? She ran into some trouble?

No, she inherited a porcupine ranch



-and made a fortune.

-How?

They found oil.

Listen to this. [clears throat]

While Capricorn's away,

Scorpio will find you irresistible.

Watch out. He could get hooked.



-So?

-Manny is a Capricorn.

Uh

-huh.

And he's out of town.

You know what that means.



-My spam

-burger sales will be down?

-No...

that a Scorpio will find me irresistible.

Oh, no.

I'm a Scorpio love

-magnet.

[sighs] I better go.

Why?

Well, I can't just stand here and flaunt this.

You're just lucky you're Pisces.

Oh... [chuckles].

Looks like I'm hooked.

[Enid laughs]

Sorry.

No problem.

Devon...

what's your sign?

Scorpio. Why?

Um, no reason.

[theme music playing]

♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be Two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

[man] Three! Four!

Five! Six!

Seven! Eight!

Nine! Ten!

Eleven! [shouts in Japanese]

[shouts in Japanese]

Class dismissed. [shouts in Japanese]



-[Todd, in English] Hey, Liz.

-Todd, thanks for picking me up.

Sure, you looked cute out there.



-Cute?

-Yeah.

Your little white pyjamas.

It's called a gi and for your information,

Judo is an Olympic sport.

[scoffs] Some sport.

I mean, no trading cards, no hall of fame...

I've never even seen it on ESPN.

Todd, it's an ancient art form.

It teaches discipline, confidence and self

-defense.

I can't believe how cute you look!

[Enid] It happened just like my horoscope said.

My frog bracelet got stuck in Devon's sweater

and then he said, "Looks like I'm hooked."

Get it? He's hooked at me.

Enid, you know how sometimes I tell you

you're blowing things out of proportion?

Yeah.

This is one of those times.

Believe me, Cheryl, I'm a Scorpio love

-magnet.

It was written in the stars.

No, it was written in the National Tabloid .

I'm telling you, Devon Whitelaw has a crush on me.

What?



-People might see us.

-So?

I wanna keep this low

-key for a while.

We can't hide forever, Jess.

I know. It's just...

I haven't told anyone about us.

Not even Liz.

Whatever.

Are we still on for Jordan's party Saturday?

Um... why don't we just meet there.



-Come on!

-Devon, the last time

we went to a party together, you made out with my sister.

Jessica, I'm through playing games.

I know what I want now.

You do?

[girl] Hey, Jess!



-See you at the party?

-Yeah.

Sure.

Did you see how Devon sat right next to me in class today?

Enid, he always sits next to you.

It's called assigned seating.

Yeah, but this time he asked about my Hello Kitty eraser.



-Twice.

-And?

I never saw him erase.

He was doing it just to talk to me and touch my fingers.

Scorpios are very touchy

-feely.

Enid, you honestly think Devon likes you?

I know he does. I'll prove it to you.

Come on.

Hi, Devon. Are you, um, going

to Jordan Capiola's party on Saturday?



-Yeah.

-So am I.



-I'll see you there.

-OK.

Did you hear that? He said he'd see me there.

You know what that means.



-That he'll see you there?

-No

That he finds me irresistible.

He can't help himself.

[sighs] Poor Devon. He's got it bad.

Hey! Watch where you're going.

Hey, what's your problem, bro? You bumped into her.



-Come on, Todd. It's OK.

-No, it's not OK.

You wanna teach me some manners, tough guy?

Listen

-

-



-[guy] All right, yeah!

-[girl] Way to go!

There's more where that came from, buddy!

[guy] He's so tough now.

[girl] Whatever

[girl] Does this dress look good with these shoes?

That dress doesn't look good, period.

Look, can we stop talking

about what you're going to wear to the party

and talk about something important?

OK, what?

What am I going to wear to the party?

I have to look even better than I usually do.

Why? Who're you going with?

Um... nobody, really.



-No one asked you to the party?

-As if!

I've been posting rejection notices all week.

So you do have a date?

Not exactly.

Well, who are you not exactly going with?

You have to swear not to tell anybody.

I swear.

On a stack of Brazilian Vogues .

I will not tell.

I'm meeting Devon there.

Devon! Devon

-Devon?

Devon the Whitelaw Devon?

Could you be any more annoying?

The same Devon that dumped you?



-I guess you could.

-[sighs]

The same Devon that took you to a party

and then kissed your sister behind your back?

How can you forget such humiliation?

Believe me, I haven't forgotten.

It took an entire afternoon for my reputation to heal.

This is not a good idea, Jessica.

A boy like Devon will never change.

I used to think that, too.

But Devon is through playing games.

And so am I.

Todd, do you really think people aren't gonna recognize you

just because you're wearing your sunglasses?

[chuckles] That's the beauty of it.

They're not my sunglasses.

Todd, you shouldn't be embarrassed just because

some guy knocked you over in front of the Moon Beach.

Hey, he didn't knock me over.

I slipped, OK?

Besides, I could've taken him

if you hadn't, you know, jumped in.

I'm sorry, Todd. Judo teaches you to react instantly

in threatening situations.



-[guy] Whoa.

-Yeah, and it also taught you

how to make your boyfriend look like a chump?

Uh... that is ridiculous.

Please, you don't understand.

The guys on the team look up to me.

I mean, just the other day, someone wrote

"You the man" on my gym locker.

Do you know why they wrote that?

Because they're in Remedial English?

No, because I'm the man!

And the man doesn't need his girlfriend protecting him.

Todd, it's been a couple of days.

I'm sure nobody even remembers.

OK.

Hey, Wilkins! Where's your bodyguard?

[laughter]

[boy] Good one, man.

I hear Liz is gonna fight Tyson.



-Are you gonna be her towel boy?

-[laughter]

OK, class. Come on, settle down.

No more jokes at Mr. Wilkins's expense.

Thanks, Mr. Buckland.

Wouldn't want his girlfriend to b*at you up.

[laughter]

[boy] That's harsh, man.

Ready to go to the party?



-Whatever

-[sighs]

Todd, I can't believe you're still sulking

about this whole thing.

[grunts] Hey...

the guys think you're tougher than me.

Here.

So a couple of jocks made fun of you.

It's no big deal.

Hey! I loosened that.

Todd, it's over! Let's just have fun tonight, OK?

[sighs] I don't know.

.Pop quiz Do I look, A, fantastic?

B, amazing or C, all of the above?

[sports playing on TV]

Liz, Todd went to an ESPN coma again.

Well, I'm off. Now remember,

the party's in a rough neighborhood

so make sure you bring your pepper spray.

Thanks, Jess. It's already in my purse.

I was talking to Todd.

Hey! That's it. I'm definitely not going.

Todd, if you're so upset about this,

maybe you should learn how to defend yourself.

What! I knew it! You think I'm a wimp, don't you?

[scoffs] I never said that.

You didn't have to. I'm outta here.

[sighs]

[door opens, then slams]

[music playing]

[girl] Hello, Jessica.

Right dress!

Wrong planet.

Well, you're missing the most important accessory of all,

a date.

Devon will be here.

You're right, he is here.

But, um... not with you.

[music playing]

I can't believe he's done it to me again.

I hate to say I told you so, but...

actually, I kind of like it.

I can't let him see me without a date!

This is your lucky day.

Now, just walk with me and say something funny.



-You're stepping on my foot.

-[laughs]

No, I'm serious. I think it's broken.



-Thanks for the ride, Devon.

-No problem.

So you want to learn this ancient discipline of Judo?

Totally.

You are ready to embark on an internal journey,

which will strengthen your mind, body and spirit?

Yeah

-

-yeah, I'll go wherever you want me to.

As long as I can be tougher than my girlfriend.

Do you have any previous martial arts experience?

Oh, yeah, I've seen all the Jackie Chan movies.

And what have you learnt from this?

You don't wanna mess with Jackie Chan.

This could be a very long journey.

Meet me here tomorrow. We begin...

as the eastern wind carries news

of the morning's first light.

Huh?

[grunts] a.m.

Whoa, all major credit cards accepted.

Huh. [shouting in Japanese]

[strains]



-[in English] Cheryl, quick hide me.

-Why?

[Enid] Devon's over there and he's looking for me.

Good thing Manny's not here to see this.

To see what, Enid? There's nothing to see.

This is all in your head!

Horoscopes are completely made up.

[scoffs] You're a Pisces, huh?



-Yeah, why?

-Water sign, all skeptics.

This has gone on way too long.

I'm gonna do what I should've done a day and a half ago.

[sighs]

Uh, Devon, ca

-

- can we talk?

Yeah. Sure, Enid.

I think it's only fair to tell you that...

it could never happen between us.



-Manny is the only one for me.

-What?

[sighs] I know you find me irresistible.



-You can't help yourself.

-I can't?

It's not your fault. It was written in the stars.

See, my horoscope said that you'd find me irresistible,



-and then you got hooked, so

-

-

-So...

there's no hope for us.

I'm afraid not.



-Be strong.

-I'll try.

And if it makes you feel any better,

your passion is supposed to phase out when Jupiter aligns

with Venus in its third house.

Thank you. That means a lot to me.

And Devon,

[sighs] just so you know,

I never wanted to be a Scorpio love

-magnet.

I gotta go.

Wow, took it a lot harder than I thought.

Here he comes. Are you a good actor?



-I'm in the drama club.

-Perfect.

Now try to act popular and good looking.

We need to talk.

Can't you see I'm busy with... Rodrick.



-Robert.

-Whatever.

Look, date whoever you want. But don't throw it in my face.

Look who's talking.

So this is what you meant by saying

you wanna keep everything low

-key between us.

You just wanted to date other guys.

You've got a lot of nerve saying that to me.

I thought you knew what you wanted.

So did I.

Did Devon just leave?

He was supposed to give me and my boyfriend a ride home.

Your boyfriend? But I thought...

You mean Devon's not your date?

No, he's my next door neighbor.

[birds chirping]

What happened to you last night?

Todd and I got into a fight.

You b*at him up?

We got in an argument and he stormed out of the house.

That's not a reason to blow off a party.

That's a reason to have a party.

Seriously, Jess,

his ego was pretty bruised when I flipped that guy

the other night.

I just hope he hasn't gone off the deep end.

[bell rings]

[inhales coarsely through mouth]

Aah!

[grunts]

[grunts]

No. No.

[shouting in Japanese]

[in, English] You're ready to go out into the world.

Just remember one very important thing.

Beware the unexpected.

I will.

You've done well, grasshopper.

Thank you, centipede.

[shouts in Japanese]

[grunts]

[in English] How come you never return my calls?

[sighs] What's the point?

Because I wanted to explain about the other night.

[sighs] The guy I was with at the party wasn't my date.

I saw you with another girl and I freaked.

[scoffs] Amber? Amber's my neighbor.



-I know that now but I thought

-

-

-Jessica,

I told you I was through playing games...

and I meant it.

So am I.

And I'll prove it to you.



-Here?

-We can't hide forever.

[Enid] I could see it in his eyes. He was totally heartbroken.



-[Cheryl] Oh, I bet he was.

-He said he'd try to be strong,

but you can never tell. I mean Scorpio is a water sign.

Totally unstable.

Well, what can I say?

He's on the rebound.

The Wilkinator is back.

Todd, I was worried about you. Where have you been?

I've been taking an internal journey,

down the river, Todd.

You took a Judo class?

Liz, Judo isn't a class.

It's a way of life.



-Uh

-huh.

-Now if anyone messes with us,

I can be the one to take care of it.

Todd, that's great but I can take care of myself.

I mean, I've been taking Judo for five months.

Oh, and I'm just a beginner. [scoffs]



-Todd...

-What?

You don't think I could take you?



-Come at me!

-[laughs] I'm not coming at you.



-Come on!

-No.

Come on!

Come at me. Try to grab me. I promise I won't hurt you.

Come!



-Come on!

-[chuckles]

Come on, come on!

Whoa!

[groans]

I think you were supposed to grab the other arm.

Are you OK?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Good. Cause you look really cute.

[sighs] I guess I deserve that.



-Hey, Liz

-

-

-Don't worry,

I won't tell anyone about this.

If we get into trouble again, will you protect me?

Sure.

Yeah.

Oh!



-Beware the unexpected.

-[laughs]

[theme music playing]

♪ Look right down Any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see There's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪