04x20 - A Simple Twist of Mates

[bunniefuu]

Liz, I have a confession to make.

I know you borrowed my sweater, you're still wearing it.

No, it's about me and Devon.

You guys made out in the school hallway yesterday.



-How did you know?

-Are you kidding?

It made the front page.



-Really?

-No.



-Are you mad?

-Of course not.

Devon and I are just good friends.

Oh, cool. I've been having a really bad feeling about this.

I think it's called guilt.

I'm just happy we're both dating guys we like.



-You know what we should do

-

-

-Buy shoes?



-Double date.

-Great.

Wait, you're not going to bring Todd, are you?

Jess.

[sighs] Fine.

Bring the wonder bore.

I gotta run. The library opens in half an hour.

Since when do you go to the library?

Since I was assigned to report on the French Revolution.

You even know where the library is?

Please.

How clueless do you think I am?

Of course, I know where it is.



-Liz.

-The gray building next to the gym.

Thanks.

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ One always calls out to you ♪

♪ The other's shy and quiet ♪

♪ Could there be two different girls ♪

♪ Who look the same at ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪

[bell ringing]

Cheryl, I am gonna ace today's history test, quiz me.

Okay.

What economic crisis helped lead America

into World w*r Two.



-The Great Depression,

-Right.

which began with the stock market crash in .



-uh

-huh.

-And led to millions of people losing their jobs,

forcing them to eat at soup

-kitchens,

which is easy to remember because I love soup.

Wow, looks like our late night study sessions finally paid off.

We actually learned something.

Yeah, those pizza delivery places

stopped delivering after midnight.

I wouldn't mention that on the midterm.

What midterm?

The one we're having in history class today.

I thought they were next week.



-Mr. Weizman changed it.

-What?

He told us on Thursday.

[sighs] Please, I'm never in class on Thursday.

That's the day I have my facial with Yoshi.

What are you worried about? You always do well in history.



-Okay, okay, test me.

-What economic crisis help lead America

into World w*r Two?

Err...

Maxed out credit cards.

Hey, you guys seen Liz?

Try the library.

The gray building next to the gym.

Ai yi yi.

Thanks.

French history, French art.

French Vogue.

Now this I like.

Devon, that was...



-disgusting.

-Shh.

Jessica?



-What are you doing?

-Me?

I thought you were Liz. You are wearing her sweater.

This never happened, understand?

Ew.

[sobbing] Anyone saw outside?

I don't think anyone noticed.

Just go.

Don't make a scene.



-Ew.

-[librarian] Shh.

Who led America into the Battle of the Bulge?

Hello. Richard Simmons.

What? That's not a choice?

Oh, no. I don't know any of these.

I was at the library studying French Vogue,

when he just came up and kissed me.

This is shocking.

Hmm. Does Liz know?

That he kissed me?

Oh. No, that you were in the library.

And then I kissed her.

[sighs]

Does Liz know?



-That I was in the library?

-No.



-You kissed Jessica.

-Are you kidding?

Liz would freak if she knew.

Only an idiot would tell her what happened.

Maybe I should tell Liz what happened.



-No.

-Wow.

You kissed Jessica.

So how was it?

Actually...

not bad.

Not bad at all.

I'm telling you Liz, the two of them are solid.

I mean nothing could break

-up their relationship.

It's like inspiration.

Todd, Beavis and Butthead are cartoons.



-Yeah.

-[laughs]

Hi, did Jess tell you about her plans for this weekend?



-No.

-We thought it would be fun if we double

-dated this Saturday.

Sounds good to me.

Err... together?

That's usually how it's done.

This weekend?

I was thinking more like

-

-

Next year or something.

[sighs] You know, I just remembered

I have practice this weekend. [sneers]



-Too bad, let's go.

-Practice for what.



-Basketball.

-Season's over.



-Baseball.

-It hasn't started.

Lacrosse.

We don't have a lacrosse team.

Look, if Todd wants to play lacrosse,

let him play lacrosse

What about the double date?

We'll still go.

Just not together.

I know what this is all about.



-[both] You do?

-You two can't stand being together, can you?

Come on, it's about time you guys became friends.

Saturday night, the new Mexican place downtown?

We'll be there.

This is gonna be fun.

[bell ringing]



-That wasn't so bad you know.

-Oh, yeah.



-All right, I'll see you guys later.

-Good night.

Enid, Lila.

Can I speak with you for a moment please?

Could we make this quick?

I've a foot massage at three and if I'm late,

they're rough on my toes.

It's about your history test.



-How did I do?

-You both did very well.



-How well?

-Too well.

In fact, you both had the exact same answers.

And the same spelling mistakes.

Now I'm going to ask you this once

-

-

Who cheated?

Enid, Lila's been a good student all semester.

And you've been struggling with C's.



-Now suddenly you get an A.

-But I studied all week for that test.



-I didn't cheat.

-I wish I could believe you, but these tests are just

too much of a coincidence.

Shame on you.

Mr. Weizman, I've never cheated at anything in my life.

Well, except the time I

was on the grade for diet when I ate a banana.

I'm sorry,

but I have no choice.

I'm going to have to fail you.

[gasps]



-I don't think so.

-No way.

Are they always like this?

It's only gotten bad in the last decade.

Tonight should be fun.

Todd, remember in the third grade

when Jessica knocked you out

with a Papa Smurf lunch box?

I don't know what you are talking about.

This is Baby Smurf.

I should have finished him off

when I had the chance.

One of these days you two

will kiss and make up.

Are you okay?

That water's got some kick to it.

Oh.



-Loser.

-Freak show.



-I think we'd better keep him away from the guacamole.

-I think so.

So, does anyone want to hear about my report on the French Revolution?



-No.

-Sure.

Well, it started in the s

when the bikini replaced the one piece.

Jess, I don't think that's exactly how it started.

Sure, it did.

I read it in the French Vogue.

French Vogue is not exactly the best source.

You might want to hit the library again.

That reminds me. I heard you had quite an adventure in there the other day.



-What?

-What?

Liz, I can explain everything.

She was wearing your sweater, the blue fuzzy one with

-

-

the thingy on the front.

I mean she looked like you.

I didn't realize it was Jessica

until after I kissed her.

You kissed Jessica?

Isn't that what you heard?

No. I

-I heard you knocked over some books.

Oh.

[exhales deeply]

How could you kiss Jessica?

The whole thing was a mistake. I didn't mean to kiss her.

See, he thought that I was you, and I thought that he was you.

Right.

Because both of us look so much alike.

I'm telling you Liz,

the whole thing was an accident.

Total mistake.

Worse than the time I fed our hamster Pop Rocks.

You believe me, don't you Liz?

I guess.

You fed Pop Rocks to a hamster.

Lila, I know you cheated.

Moi?

Valors don't cheat.

At least, we don't get caught.

Look, if you have any compassion at all,

you 'fess up.

[sighs] You're right.

Too bad I don't have any.

Besides,

I'm the good student. Remember?

I didn't cheat. You know that.

Well, I guess it's your word against mine.

Isn't it?

[both laughing]

[grunts]

Jess, can you pass the popcorn, please?

What did you say?

Nothing.

You called me Jess.

I did not.

Todd, I heard you.

Well, if I did, I'm sorry.

It didn't mean anything.

[sighs] That's what you keep saying,

but I can't help thinking I did.

Come on, Liz.

Believe me. Jess is the furthest thing from me right now.

Ew.

What's wrong?

My lips, they're cramping up. Ow.

Ah.

I know. Okay.

There's something I've been wanting to do

all week.

[bell ringing]

So it's my word against Lila's.

And Mr. Weizman is never going to believe me.

I'm a straight C student.

Enid, I know you didn't cheat.



-You believe me?

-Of course I do. We studied together, remember?

How could I forget?

We went through three textbooks,

five sets of index cards

and bags of Funyuns.

You were definitely prepared.

And a little nauseous.

There's got to be some way to clear your name.

There's nothing I can do.

Maybe there's something I can do.

Jess, can I talk to you?

It's about Todd.

Not now, I'm in a hurry.

I just got a nasty note from the librarian.

How was I supposed to know you can't check out French Vogue?

Because there's a big sign next to the periodicals that says you can't.

[sighs] Please, like anybody reads in the library.

[bell ringing]

Enid, Lila, I'd like you to stay after class for a few minutes.

I'm giving you a pop quiz on World w*r Two.

A pop quiz?

But you didn't give us any warning.

That's why they call it a pop quiz.

But don't worry, it should be a snap if you studied for the mid

-term.



-Good luck. I'll see you later.

-[Enid] Thanks.

What are those?

Sports Illustrated.

You got the note?



-Got it.

-Me, too.

You know Jessica, I've been thinking about the other day.

Stop.

I've already forgotten the entire ugly incident.

Really?

I wish.

Hey Liz, have you seen Jessica?

She went to the library.

[grunts] No, really.

Devon, I know this sounds weird.

Yeah. I didn't even know she knew where the library was.

Not that.

Do you think there's anything going on

between Todd and Jess?

Yeah, they hate each other.

I don't know. I can't help thinking

that their kiss meant more than they are saying.

Todd called me Jessica the other day.

Liz, you're twins.

I know, Todd.

And something is definitely up.

Look, if that is what you think, why don't you talk to her.

You're right. I'm going to talk to him when he gets back from the library.

Library?



-Isn't that where Jessica went?

-Yeah.

You don't think they're secretly meeting do you?



-Come on, Liz.

-I know, it's ridiculous.

Isn't it?

You know the only reason,

I liked the kiss at all,

was because I thought you were Liz.

You liked it?

Well...

Yeah.

Me, too.

You don't think...

Me and you?

I don't know.

Maybe we should...

That was really,

bad wasn't it?

Yeah, the worst.

Cool.

Of course it was, 'cause like,

"Hello, you're the last person I'd like to kiss."

Yeah, 'cause I'm dating your sister.

No, because you repulse me.

the only reason I kissed you in the first place,

was because I didn't know it was you.

The only reason it was a good kiss is because,

I'm a good kisser.

[laughs] Don't kid yourself.

I'd rather kiss my dog.

Well, that explains your breath.

Oh, so now we're using lines we used in the third grade.

That's mature.

I know you are, but what am I?

You haven't changed one bit.

Except, now you don't have a baby smurf lunch box to smack me with.

I moved up to Gucci.

Is there a problem Ms. Fowler?

No, no problem.

I think there is a problem.

Lila, did you cheat on the last test?

Yes.

You don't know what it's like to be a Fowler.

To constantly have to strive for perfection.

I just couldn't let daddy down.

But why would you cheat? You're a good student.

I didn't know you moved the test.

I was having a facial when you told the class.

Enid, I owe you an apology.

I'm sorry I accused you.

That's okay, Mr. Weizman.

I'm sorry, too.

I never meant for you to get into trouble.

Let me make it up to you.

I'll have daddy buy you a new car.

That's okay.

Although, I could use a new kickstand for my bike.

[sighs] Well, I am so glad that it is settled.

Anyone for a seaweed wrap?

Not so fast.

But, I admitted I was wrong.

Do you know how hard that was for me?

There's still the matter of your punishment.

I won't do it again, I promise.

From now on, I'll schedule all my facials during gym class.

That's not good enough.

Please, Mr. Weizman.

Just don't tell my father.

I couldn't bear to disappoint him.

Well,

considering this is your first offence,

I won't tell your father.

Thank you.

But,

I am going to give you an F on this test.

if you want to bring up your GPA,

you're going to have to do some extra credit work.

I will. From now on I will spend all my free time

hitting the books.

You're right about that.

There's another part to your punishment.

My pores!

Shh!

I will never,

cheat again.



-Hey. Is Jessica here?

-Hey.

Oh, she hasn't come back from the library.



-You want to come in?

-Sure.



-Where's Todd?

-Oh, I haven't heard from him.

You think they're still at the library.

I don't know what to think.

I mean, what if Todd and Jess really like each other.



-Loser.

-Double loser.

I hate Todd Wilkins.

I can't stand Jessica Wakefield.

[laughing]



-Uh, what were you saying?

- I don't remember.

I think I better go check on Jessica.

Good idea.

[sighs]

Liz, I know you want Jessica and me to be friends,

but I'll tell you right now, it's never going to happen.

I can live with that.

Uh, could pass the remote, Jessica?

Kidding.



-Oh.

-Not,

funny.

♪ Look right down any crowded hall ♪

♪ You'll see there's a beauty standing ♪

♪ Is she really everywhere ♪

♪ Or a reflection? ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley ♪

♪ Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High ♪

♪ Meet you at Sweet Valley High ♪