06x02 - Surf's Up

[bunniefuu]

What's Happening, Homey?

What's That?

A Refrigerator
I Bought For My Son.

Jake Gave Me A Great Deal.

I'm Taking It Over
To His Apartment.

Just Wanted You To See It.

That Is Great.

That Will Go Beautifully
In His Bedroom.

You've Been Over
To His Apartment?

And I've...

Not Been Invited Over There Yet.

I Just Went To Help Select
A Color For His Bedspread.

Why Would He Invite You
For Color?

I Know Color.

I Think He Wanted
A Woman's Touch.

A Man Knows Colors

Just Like A Woman Knows Colors.

Ask Me A Color, Go Ahead.

I Bet I'll Know It.

Why Is It My Son

Doesn't Want Me Over
At His Apartment?

Because Of Your Stories.

What Stories?

When You Get Around
Theo's Friends

You Tell Long, Rambling Stories.

Your Eyes Roll Back
In Your Head...

You Have No Idea

What This Does To The Listener.

People Have To Listen
To You Do This.

They Begin To Feel Like
Their Lives

Are Very Short.

I Have Seen Theo And His Friends

Actually Sneak Out Of The Room

Just To Get Away.

Since I'm Helping Pay
For That Space He's Living In

I'm Going To Take
This Refrigerator

Over To His Apartment

And I'm Going To Go Into
His Apartment

Why? Because I Have
A Refrigerator.

And If His Friends Are There

If I Decide I'm Going
To Tell A Story

I'm Going To Tell A Story.

Why? Because I'm Paying
For The Space.

If I Want To Talk
For A Week

I Will Talk For A Week.

They Can Get Up All They Want
And Go Outside.

I Will Go Outside
Talking To Them

And If They Run, I'll Run

Telling My Story,
If It Takes Three Weeks.

Because I'm Talking
About What?-- Philosophy.

I'm Talking About Life.

Trying To Give
The Short Cuts

So They Don't Take
The Long Way

And The Next Thing You Know,
People Are Doing Things...

That's All Right,
You Can Leave Too.

'Cause I'll Talk
If Nobody's There.

Why? Because I Love Myself.

And I Know What I'm Saying.

We're All Hooked Up
In The Kitchen.

The Tube's Set.

Gentlemen,
Our Latest Invention

Will Bring Us One Step Closer

To Living In A State
Of Complete Laziness.

The Intra-Room
Beverage Transport System.

Guys, I Must Say
I Lucked Out

Finding Two Engineering Majors
To Be My Roommates.

Your Admiration Inspires Us.

(Knocking)

Open Up The Door,
It's Your Father!

Hey, Dad!

You Came Over.

You're Darn Right.

And I'm Coming In, Too.

And If I Want To,
I'm Sitting Down.

I Bought Something
For You.

What Is It?

It's A Refrigerator.

All Right, Thanks, Dad.

I Needed This.

Darn Right.

This Was Given To You

By A Person You Haven't
Invited Over Here Yet.

I'm Glad You're Here Now.

Sure You Are.

You Got To Meet
My Roommates.

This Is Danny And Glenn.

I'm Meeting Roommates,
Darn Right.

They're Engineering Majors.

I'm Sitting Down, Too.

You Look Like A Man

Who Enjoys A Good
Root Beer.

I've Been Known To Partake
Of A Root Beer Now And Then.

Darn Right.

They Designed This
And I Helped Build It.

Is This Coming From
The Supermarket Next Door?

Let Us Have A Toast.

And May You Two,
Whatever You Have

Rub Off Onto
Whatever He Doesn't.

Oh, Boy.

Ah!

Good Root Beer.

But You Know,
The Best Root Beer...

That I Ever Had...

I Was In Manitoba, Canada.

This Root Beer

Was Called...

Big Moose Root Beer.

Bet It Was Good.

Yes, Indeed.

Uh...

It Was Good Root Beer.

Thanks, Dad.

You're Welcome.

Dr. Huxtable

Tell Us More.

I'd Like
To Hear More

About The Root Beer.

I'll Make This Short.

Big Moose Root Beer

Was Stored And Aged

In Real, Real, Wood.

Mr. Howser, You Ask Him

For A Ham Sandwich

Mr. Howser Would
Wash His Hands

Every Time

Before He Made
A Ham Sandwich.

Dad, They Asked You
About Root Beer

A Long Time Ago.

I Get
The Connection.

It's About Time.

Back In The Old Days
They Took Time

To Do Things
Right.

Yeah.

I Love The Way You Weave
These Themes Together.

When I Was In College...

Oh, Man...

See, We Just Didn't Hang Around

Chasing After Girls...

There Was
Eight Of Us

Lived In An Apartment

We Actually Lived
In A Building

Two-Story Building

Of Us.

And So...

Our Parents Were Going
To Come...

To Visit Us

And We Hadn't

Cleaned That
House Up Good

Guess It Must Have Been

Two, Three Months.

Whoa!

We Poured Buckets Of Water
On The Floor

So You Had Water

Oh, Must Have Been About

About That High.

On The Floor?

Then We Put On
Our Bathing Trunks

And Taped Sponges To The Bottom.

You're Talking About
A Good Time, Man.

Just Run And Woosh!

Across The Floor.

We Had A Guy

Name Was Bumpy.

He Was Six-Three

Six-Foot-Three

Weighed Pounds.

He Did The Corners.

Hey.

You've Been Gone All Day.

Where Were You?

I Spent Most Of The Day
At The Hospital

But That Was After
I Spent A Few Hours

At Theo's Apartment.

You Did Not.

And I Wanted To Leave
After About Minutes

But His Roommates Kept Asking Me

To Tell Stories.

You Told Stories?

I Certainly Did.

What Stories Did You Tell?

Oh, Clair, There's So Many.

I Don't...

I Told Him About When
I Entered The Talent Contest

When I Was Pledging
The Fraternity

And How I Sang
My John Henry Song.

♪ John Henry ♪

♪ Was ♪

♪ Hitting That
Hammer Down... ♪

Thank You.

♪ And He Had
A -Pound Hammer... ♪

Thank You, Thank You!

What's Wrong?

Thank You.

No, No,
The Boys Enjoyed It.

Let Me Tell You

The Best Part Of The Visit...

I Had To Leave.

I Told Them I Had To Go.

And I Walked To The Car

And Theo Was With Me.

He Put His Arm Around Me.

And He Said

"Dad, My Roommates
Really Loved You.

"And For The First Time

I Really Saw You As
An Interesting Person."

And He Gave Me
A Hug And Said

"I Just Didn't See You
As My Father.

"I Saw You

As My Friend."

Cliff...

That's Pitiful.

Oh, Hi.

What Are
You Doing?

I Have A Problem.

Glenn, Danny And I

Were Thrown Out
Of Our Apartment.

I Have To Have All
My Stuff Out By Tomorrow.

So, I Guess I Have

To Live
Here Again.

What Happened?

Well, After Dad Left

We Started Sliding Across

The Kitchen
Floor.

And You Were Making
A Lot Of Noise?

No, The Water Leaked Down

Into The Landlord's Apartment
Below Us.

What Water?

We Threw Five Buckets
Of Soapy Water On The Floor.

Then We Tied Sponges
To Our Butts.

You Tied Sponges To Your Butts?

Well, Yeah, To Slide
Across The Floor On.

Theo, Where Did You Get
Such A Ridiculous Idea?

Dad Told Us This Story
How He Did It In College.

I Told You Not
To Tell Those Stories.

See What Happened?

Are You Telling Me

Because I Told This Story

That It's My Fault?

Where Did He Get The Idea?

Look, I Also...

Shut Up!

I Also Told Him
The Story About John Henry

Who Was A Steel-Driving Man.

The Boy Didn't Go Out
And Drive Any Steel.

I Told Him How

His Mother Worked Hard
And Had Children

While Going Through Law School.

Has He Had A Baby?

Has He Tried
To Go Through

Law School?

Has He Studied Hard? No.

So How Can That Be
My Fault?

It's Not My Fault.

I'm Going To Take A Nap.

You And Theo Work This Out.

Man To Man,
Friend To Friend.

Just Stay Off My Kitchen
Floor, Both Of You.

Hey, Dad.

How You Doing?

Oh...

Is There...

Who's Place Is That?

Dad, I'm Sorry.

I Guess Since Theo's Back,
I Forgot We Had Another Person.

I Didn't Set Another Chair.

Well, Set It.

Dad, I Bet You Didn't

Think This House Would
Ever Be This Full Again.

It's Just Like The Old Days.

Yeah, Just Like The Old Days.

Who Asked You?

Maybe We Should Hang
A Sign Outside.

"Huxtable Hotel-
We Turn Nobody Away."

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.

You're Not Back Yet.

You Have To Let Him Stay.

You Got Him Thrown Out.

Great Story, Dad.

I Could Just Picture You
Back In College

Surfing Along
The Kitchen Floor.

I Want To Tie Sponges
To My Behind.

Surf's Up.

Olivia, That's So Adorable.

Isn't She Adorable, Dad?

Surf's Up.

I Heard The Joke The First Time.

This Dinner Is Wonderful.

But I've Got To
Make A Run, Okay?

Where You Going?

Don't Worry, I Just
Want To Make A Run.

Good, Isn't It?

All:
Yeah, This Is Great.

Look, Look.

Look What They Did
In The Kitchen.

All Those Tiles
Have To Be Pulled Out.

Every Stinking One
Of Them.

Surfing On, On...

On The Kitchen.

What Were Those Boys
Thinking Of?

Where Did They Get
That Insane Idea?

Mr. Fuentes,
College Boys, You Know.

They Don't Think.

I Don't Blame The Boys.

You Know Who Is Responsible?

The Parents.

The Parents Today
Are Too Easy.

Their Boys Don't Grow Up
To Be Men.

They Keep Them Like
Little Children

So They Ask Their Mommies
And Poppies

To Wipe The Spit
Off Their Faces.

Sometimes They Don't Behave
The Way You Teach Them.

No, My Two Boys

They Do Everything
To Make Me Proud.

My Oldest Son Is A Surgeon.

A Big Surgeon.

My Youngest--

He's A Student
At Cornell University.

He's Studying There.

I Finished Cleaning Up
All The Broken Plaster.

All Right, Tito.

Throw This In The Incinerator?

Incinerator, Are You Crazy?

You Don't Put Plaster
In An Incinerator.

I'm Gonna Get Fined By The City.

Bigger Than The Last Time You
Tried To Burn The Rubber Tires.

Put This In
The Dumpster.

Okay, Pop.

Mr. Fuentes?

Did He Call You "Pop"?

Who?

Is That Your Son?

You Think
He Looks Like My Son?

I Mean, He Called You "Pop."

No, He's A Worker.

Oh, Okay.

Everybody Calls Me Pop.

Oh, Pop, I Forgot.

Mom Wants You To Pick Up

Some Ground Chuck
For Dinner.

Pardon Me.

What Is Your
Last Name?

Fuentes.

No, It Is Not.

I Told You
It Is Not.

Now Get Out Of Here.

Pardon Me, Sir.

Are You His Son?

I Don't Know,
Am I, Pop?

Que Estas Acundo Aqui?

No Ves Que Estoy Adlanda Aqui
Este Senor De Vegaso Ombre

Es Un Ombre Muy Importante

Es El Padre De Los Muchachos
Que Estavan Aqui.

Vete.

Huh?

Why Didn't You Learn Spanish?

You Make Me Ashamed.

Now Get Out
Of My Face.

Okay, Pop.

Don't Forget
The Ground Chuck.

You Know Mom.

Mr. Fuentes, Please,
I Would Appreciate It

If You Would Reconsider
Letting The Boys Back In

If They Behave.

Well, I Don't Know, Maybe.

Maybe All This
Can Be Covered By Insurance.

But Who Will
Compensate Me

For The Emotional Stress?

Everything I Have
Suffered?

Well, Um...

What If I Add
An Extra $ A Month?

Twenty Dollars?

Thirty.

I Have Suffered Much.

, , Then.

And My Wife, Carmelita.

She Has Suffered, Too.

Forty.

I Welcome Your Son

With Open Arms.

Thank You.

Send Your Son
To Me.

America Is
A Wonderful Place.

Where Everybody
Gets A Second Chance.

Thank You,
Thank You.

Thank You.

Send The $ In Cash.

♪ Meany, Meany, Meany, Meany ♪

♪ Say What? ♪

♪ Meany, Meany, Meany, Meany ♪

♪ Say What? ♪

Hey.

Hey, Dad.

All Right.

There You Go.

I Was Going To
Watch A Movie.

Don't Have Time,
You're Out Of Here.

But Where Am I Going?

Mr. Fuentes Has Let You
And Your Friends

Back In The Apartment.

All Right.

Here We Go, Pack Up.

Why Rush?

I Can Go In The Morning.

No, You Can't.

You Have To Get Out
Of Here Now.

You Have To Go
Back There.

You're In The Apartment.

Mr. Fuentes Said You Can
Come In.

There'll Be No Partying.

No Building Things
That Tear The Place Down.

Stop Sliding On The Floor
With The Soap Suds.

From Now, Go To Sleep,
Get Up, Study

You Go To Class, You Study,
You Go To Sleep, You Eat.

That's It.

Then Graduation, Yay!

But, Dad, What Kind
Of Existence Is That?

School's Not Just
For Studying.

I Want To Experience All
That College Has To Offer.

I Want A Full Campus Life.

How Much More Of A Full
Campus Life Do You Want?

Being Thrown Out
Of Your Apartment?

How Full Do You Want It?

Jail?

You Understand?

Get Your Stuff.

Don't Get Dressed,
You Don't Need To.

You're A College Student And
This Is How You Should Dress.

You Look Wonderful Like This.

Keep Moving.

Just Go.

I Got Him Out

And I'm Coming Back
For The Twins

And All Other People
Under Four-Foot-One.