06x15 - Denise Kendall: Singles Counselor

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Uh-Oh.

Cliff:
Has Anybody Seen
My Work Gloves?

Clair:
Yeah, Honey, I Put
Them In The Kitchen

Underneath
The Sink.

Cliff:
Okay.

What Are You Doing?

Just Chilling.

Would You Come In The Kitchen
For A Minute, Please?

What For?

Oh, Just Want You
To See Something.

I Can Sing
"Blue Suede Shoes."

No, This Is Not
Star Search, Dear.

( Singing Softly )

Just Take
A Look Around.

See If You
Notice Anything.

Just Look Around.

Notice Anything Yet?

I Think You Did It.

Okay, I Did It.

But Everything Here Is Too High.

I Can't Reach It.

This House Is Only
For Big People.

But One Day...

One Day You Will Grow Tall

And You Will Be The Same Size
As The Big People.

So Don't Worry, Okay?

Now Let Me Help You
With Something.

You Want A Paper
Towel, Fine.

I'm Going To Give You
Your Own Paper Towels.

Now You Know What You Can Do?

What?

You Take Care Of These.

I Don't Want You
To Ball Them Up

And Make Snowballs Out Of Them.

And I Don't Want You
To Put Them In The Toilet Bowl

To See If They Will Soak Up

All The Water.

Okay.

Another Thing Is This--

If You Want Something
And It's Out Of Your Reach

Do Me A Favor, Please.

Go Ask A Tall Person.

They'll Get It For You,
All Right?

Okay, From Now On,
That's What I'll Do.

Right.

Thank You,
Dr. Huxtable.

You're Welcome.

Yeah, That'll Be The Day.

...Stuff Like That.

I Didn't Think
I Could Get Excited

Listening To Someone Talk
About The Environment.

But That Professor
Was So Passionate.

I'm Sending In
For His Lectures.

He Talked About Things
You Never Think About.

I Mean, Everyone Knows

The Rain Forests In
The Amazon Are Disappearing.

But You Never
Think About--

Like, For Instance,
The Statistics In Brooklyn.

I Mean, The Concentrations
Of Carbon Monoxide

In The Bridges
And Tunnels We Use.

I Don't Know
What's Happening.

Hi, Ready
To Order?

Oh, Um...

Yeah, I'll Have
The Fruit Tart, Please.

Okay.

And You?

Oh, I'll Have The First Thing
On The Menu.

That's Quite
A Dessert.

Yeah, Quite
A Dessert.

Vanessa, Do You Want Some
Worms On Top Of That?

Uh-Huh.

Hey!

Huh?

Wake Up.

Oh.

Denise, He Is So Cute.

And He Looks My Age.

I'd Love To Meet Him.

So Go Over And Say "Hello."

Oh, Come On.

I'd Be Too Embarrassed.

You May Never See
This Guy Again.

Go Ahead, Go.

Okay.

Tell Me What To Say.

Say "Hello."

That's Your Best?

I Could Come Up With "Hello."

Okay, "Hello"
Is Just For Starters.

Say Something Like, Um...

Say, "Excuse Me.

"I've Never Come Up To Someone
Like This Before.

"Please Don't Say Anything
To Discourage Me

From Doing It Again."

I Like It.

Yeah.

You Just Got That?

It Was Pretty Good,
Wasn't It?

Denise, That Is Brilliant!

I'm Going To Go Over There.

Good.

"Excuse Me.

"I've Never Come Up To Someone
Like This Before.

"So Please Don't Say Anything

To Discourage Me
From Doing It Again."

Go.

Ooh-Ooh-
Ooh-Ooh.

Uh, Excuse Me.

Yes?

Excuse Me...

Yes?

Sugar.

I Came To Borrow Sugar.

What Are You Doing Here?

I Couldn't Say It.

If You Want To Meet Him

You Have To Do It.

Take The Bull By The Horns.

Why Can't I Wait For Him
To Ask For His Sugar Back?

You Don't Want
To Waste My Great Line.

Now, Go.

Okay, Okay,
I'll Do It.

Excuse Me.

Oh, Hi.

I've Never Come Up To Somebody
Like This Before.

Oh, I Didn't Mind.

I Don't Use Sugar.

So Please Don't Say Anything
To Discourage Me

From Doing It Again?

Huh?

Want To Sit Down?

Yes!

He Asked Me
To Sit Down!

Why Are You Sitting Here?

Oh, No.

Oh, I Can't Go Back.

He's Going To Think I'm Stupid.

I Came And Sat Over Here.

Now Calm Down.

Here, Take Back His Sugar.

Oh, That's A Good Idea.

I'm Back.

I'm Elliot.

I'm Vanessa.

I've Never Come Up To Somebody
Like This Before.

You Mentioned That.

Here You Go.

You Really Like Dessert,
Don't You?

Oh, Hey, Mom.

Hey-Hey.

I Think I Found
What To Do With My Life.

No.

The Environmental Lecture
Was Good For You?

Yeah, That Was Good.

But Vanessa And I
Were In The Cafe

And She Sees This Cute Guy

But She's Too Scared.

So I Coach Her

And Give Her
This Great Line.

When I Left That Cafe
They Were Having

This Fabulous Time.

I Have A Talent For This.

I Think I Might Be
A Singles Counselor.

I Don't Know
If It's Good

To Mix Matters Of The Heart
With Members Of The Family.

Your Father And I
Always Avoided That

With You Girls.

But You Could Really
Change Somebody's Life

By Introducing Them
To The Right Person.

This Could Be The Right
Guy For Vanessa.

Hey, Vanessa.

Where's The Engagement Ring?

There Isn't
Going To Be Any.

Denise, You Said

"What Is The Worst
That Could Happen?"

I Don't Need Your Help.

I Can Get Myself
Into This Kind Of Trouble.

He Asked Me To Go

To The Movies
With Him.

What Is Wrong
With That?

He Asked Me If He Could
Meet My Parents.

And Then I Look Up

And There's This Girl
Standing There, Shana.

His Girlfriend
Of The Past Six Months.

He Didn't Mention Her
To Me Once.

What Did He Say?

Nothing.

He Pretended He Didn't
Know Who I Was.

This Is The Most Humiliating
Moment Of My Entire Life.

And There Have Been Many.

Thank You, Denise,
For Pushing Me Into This.

Me? I Was Just
Trying To Help.

Help?

( Doorbell Ringing )

It's Him.

Elliot.

How Does He Know
Where You Live?

I Gave Him
My Address.

That Was Before Shana.

Denise, You Get
Rid Of Him.

I Don't Want Him In This House.

Oh.

Mom, What Do I Do?

Open The Door.

Hello.

You're Denise, Right?

Yes, Yes,
Hello, Elliot.

May I Come In? It's Cold.

Might Be Colder In Here.

Look, I Understand
Why Vanessa's Upset.

But I Wanted To Tell Her

I'm Almost Ready To Break Up
With Shana.

Oh.

I Haven't Done It Already

Because Shana Has
A Very Strong Personality.

Just Ask Vanessa
If She'll See Me.

Okay.

Vanessa!

What?

Elliot Wants
To See You.

No, He Is History.

Get Him Out
Of This House.

Need I Say More?

I've Got To Find A Way
To Get Vanessa Back.

You Were Never With Her.

I Want To Be.

I'm Breaking Up
With Shana Today.

Whatever You
Say, Dude.

I'll Walk You
To The Door.

Wait, Wait!

Tell Me What To Say To Her.

Me?

Vanessa Told Me You Gave Her
That Great Line.

Just Give Me A Line
That Does The Opposite.

No, No, No, No.

I'm Out Of This.

It's For Your Sister.

I Want To Show
How Much She Means.

What Do I Say To Shana?

Tell Shana You've Treasured
The Moments You've Had With Her

But Now It's Time To Move On.

Fantastic.

It's Fantastic, You Really
Know What You're Doing.

That's Exactly What
I'm Going To Say.

Oh, And Tell Vanessa
When I Get Back

My Heart Will Be Free.

Free Like...

Like An Empty Paper Cup
Blowing In The Wind

In A Deserted Parking Lot.

How Was That?

Awful.

Man, I Need Help
With These Things.

Yo, What's Up?

Hi.

Listen, You're Late

But You're Just In Time
For Some Stew That I Made.

It's Special.

Go Ahead, Dig In.

No Thanks, I Already Ate.

I Made My Own Dinner
At My Apartment.

What?
What?

Yeah.

I Had A Pepper Steak,
Sauteed Vegetables

German-Style Potato Salad.

Both:
Must Have Been Frozen.

But I Didn't Have Dessert.

Hey, Rudy,
I Need A Fork.

Here. Quarter.

Bill Me.

What Are
You Reading?

Moby d*ck.

All Right,
Well, Now.

That's One I Have To Read

For My American Novel Class.

Let Me Tell You
About It...

I'm Going Over
Reading Comprehension Techniques

With My Dyslexia Counselor.

It's Not So Tough.

Do You Know In All
American Literature

This Is Probably The Best
Example Of Good Versus Evil.

There You Go...

The Destructiveness
And Chaos Of The Whale

Could Be Interpreted As Evil.

I'm Not Talking
About The Whale.

I'm Talking About
Captain Ahab

And His Need To Conquer
And Destroy Nature.

Yeah, But You See...

When I Was In High School,
Moby d*ck Read To Me

Just As An Heroic Tale
Of Man Against Nature.

Ah, Yeah...

But Now That
I'm Reading It Again

It Reads More Like An Allegory
Of Man's Inner Conflict.

Well, Yes, But...

You Are Studying
This Book.

Hey, Just Call Me Ishmael.

Well, It Sounds
Like You Two
Are Into This.

I Think I'll Just Go
Into The Living Room...

But I Have Gone Fishing.

Whoa, Whoa. Wait!

I Told You Not
To Climb Up On Things.

I Want To Read A Book
Like Big People Read.

Okay, You Want
To Read A Book.

Okay, Here,
Here's A Book

Look At That,
Ha-Ha!

Let Me Open It And See What's...

No, That One Has Pictures.

I Want A Big Person's Book.

That Brown One!

This Brown One?

Please, Please.

Which One?

See, That One With
The Colors On It.

You Want To Read
Robertson's Guide

To Behavioral Tendencies
In Problem Adolescents?

Yeah, That's The One.

You Want To Read This?

Come On, We're Going
To Read This.

You Got It.

I'm Going To Let You Have It.

Now You Just Sit Down There

And Here Is The Book For You.

And You Go Ahead And You Read.

Let Me See
If I Can Find My Page.

Okay, Here We Go.

Enjoying It?

Yes.

What Does It Say?

Once Upon A Time

There Was A Girl Named Olivia...

Wait A Minute.

How Did You Get To
A Little Girl Named Olivia?

I Mean, Is There
A Paper Towel In This?

Shh, Don't Talk
While I'm Reading.

I'm Sorry.

Once Upon A Time

There Was A Little Girl
Named Olivia.

She Had A Best Friend

Who Was A Paper Towel
Named Herman.

The End.

Wait A Minute.

How Can That Be The End
Of The Story?

Nothing Happened.

Don't Look At Me.

I Didn't Write
This Book.

( Doorbell Ringing )

( Sighing )

Hi, Denise.

Hi, Elliot.

Come In.

Vanessa, Elliot's Here.

I'll Be Down
In A Minute.

So, How You Doing?

Fine.

Just Think, Hours

You Didn't Even Know Vanessa
And Here You Are In Her House

Thanks To My Advice.

Ready To Take Her
Out On A Date.

Sit Down.

Yeah.

I Guess I Owe This All To You.

I See People With Needs

And Have The Talent To Help Them
Get What They Want.

Shana Didn't Take It Too Well
When I Broke Up With Her.

That's Understandable.

These Things Are Difficult
And Take Time To Get Over.

( Doorbell Ringing )

That's Shana.

What?

She Drove Me Here.

( Doorbell Ringing )

What?

She Wants
To See You.

Um...

Elliot!

This Is Very Awkward.

How Can You
Let Her Do That?

I Told You,
She Has A Strong Personality.

( Doorbell Ringing )

She's Going To Keep Doing That
Until You Let Her In.

Uh, Hello.

Who Is Denise?

Me.

I'll Talk To You
In A Minute.

I Thought I Told You
To Break The Date

So We Can Go
To The Library.

I Was Going To.

But When I Came In,
I Got Confused.

What's To Be Confused About?

Dump Vanessa
And Go Out With Me.

Well, Elliot, I'm...

Vanessa...

You Remember Shana.

I Know There's Probably

A Lot Of Anxiety
In The Room Now.

But The Best Way
To Avoid An Ugly Situation

Is Just To Remain Calm.

And Let's Talk About
Our Feelings Rationally.

Who Asked You?

This Is Your Fault, Anyway.

You Convinced Elliot
To Break Up With Me.

I Did Not.

It Was His Idea.

He Asked For Advice.

You Can't Give
A Guy Like Him Advice.

He's Weak.

Anything You Tell Him To Do,
He'll Do It.

Now Wait A Minute!

I Happen To Like This Guy.

Are You Just Going To
Let Her Talk Like That?

Aren't You Offended?

I Guess I Should Be.

Shouldn't I?

Did You Hear That?

He Doesn't Even Know
When He's Offended.

Come Here.

Denise, Could I Talk To You
In The Kitchen For A Minute?

Uh, Stay Right There, Folks.

We're Going To Work
This Thing Out.

Look, Denise--

You've Got To Get Me
Out Of This.

Me?

I Don't Want A Guy Like Elliot.

He's Such A Wimp!

Who Needs A Boyfriend Like That?

Go Tell Him The Date Is Off.

He Came To Break
The Date Anyway.

Well, You Tell Him
I'm Breaking It First.

No, I'm Not Going To Do That.

Who Are Those Two People
In The Living Room?

Elliot And His Old
Girlfriend, Shana.

Mom, Denise Has Made
Such A Huge Mess Out Of This.

I Am Out Of It.

Tell Elliot It's Over.

Vanessa, Wait.

I'm Not Going
To Do That.

Mom, Make Her Do It Herself.

You Don't Need My Help.

You're Doing A Fine Job.

So You're Just Going
To Pour Juice

While I Suffer Alone.

As A Matter Of Fact

I'm Also Having A Piece Of Cake.

Hello.

Okay, Here's How It Is.

Elliot, Vanessa's
Breaking Up With You.

My Advice To You Is To Grow Up.

Be A Man.

Get A Spine.

Shana, If I've Upset You,
I'm Really Sorry.

No, Don't Worry About It.

I'm Glad This Happened.

I Don't Think
I Belong With You.

I'm Going To Have
To Think About It.

Elliot, Good Night And Good-Bye.

Wait.

This Is Really Bad.

I Think.

Yes, Elliot, It Is.

I Don't Know How I'm Going
To Get Home.

Look, You've Had A Rough Night
And I Am Partly Responsible.

I Will Drive You Home.

Thanks, I Appreciate It.

Where Do You Live?

Norwalk, Connecticut.

What?

Norwalk, Connecticut--
That's At Least An Hour Away.

I Should Have Thought Of That
Before I Had Shana Drive Me.

Yeah.

Forget It,
I'll Take You Anyway.

What's The Best Route?

I Don't Know.

My Parents Always Drive Me.

Forget It.

We'll Stop At
A Gas Station, Okay?

Okay, Elliot,
I Thought About It.

I Tried To Live
Without You And Can't.

And You Can't Live
Without Me, Either.

I Can't?

No, You Are My Man.

Good Luck,
And If You Ever Need Advice

Don't Call Me.