06x23 - Off to See the Wretched

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(Cartoon Music Playing)

(Canned Laughter)

Announcer:
Wow! Listen To Those Laughs.

Would You Like To Make
People Laugh Like That?

Wouldn't It Be Great To Be
The Funniest Kid On Your Block?

You Can Be By Calling -Joke

For The Most Hilarious Jokes
You've Ever Heard.

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Child:
I Dialed -Joke,
And I'm The Life Of The Party.

Announcer:
Jokes That Are Guaranteed
To Make Your Family And Friends

Roll In The Aisle.

So Call -Joke.

Where's Joke?

That's - .

- .

Only Cents A Minute.

And Remember,
Get Your Parents' Permission.

Dr. Huxtable

Are You Ready
To Roll In The Aisle?

Pardon Me?

Can I Have Your Permission
To Tell A Joke?

Oh, Yes, Sure.

Yes.

Okay.

Hit It.

Was That The Joke?

Got It.

Got It.

Okay, Hit It.

A Man Walks Into A Restaurant
With A Pigeon On His Head.

The Waiter Says,
"What Do You Feed That Thing?"

And?

Get It?

Get It?!

Yes.

You're Supposed To Tell
A Whole Joke.

You Only Told The Beginning.

Oh, I Did?

Yeah.

I'll Be Right Back.

Okay.

I'm Ready.

Okay.

I Got Laugh Lines
All Over My Face

Ready To Explode.

Two Men Are Playing Golf.

Good.

Two Men Are Playing Golf.

Right.

One Man Says To The Other

"It Doesn't Work
Unless You Know How To Putt."

It Doesn't Work
Unless You Know How To Putt!

Yeah, It Doesn't Work
Unless You Know How To Putt!

Why Aren't You Laughing?

You Can't Just Give Somebody
A Punch Line.

You've Got To Have
Some Part To The Story.

You Tell A Story

And Then You Tell
The Punch Line.

That's What Makes
The Person Laugh.

Okay, I'll Be Right Back.

Hey.

What Are You Doing?

I'm Calling -Joke.

You're Not Supposed
To Use The Phone.

But You Gave Me Permission.

I Gave You Permission
To Tell Me A Joke

Not To Use
The Phone.

Do You Know How Much Money
It Costs?

The Man On Tv Said
Cents A Minute.

You Had That Phone Lying There
All That Time?

Yes.

That Was Five Dollars
Of My Money

You Spent.

Five Dollars, And You Didn't
Even Make Me Laugh.

It Wasn't My Fault
You Didn't Get It.

(Doorbell Ringing)

Vanessa:
I'll Get It.

Car's Out Front.

You Ready To Go?

Yeah.

My Parents
Bought It Completely.

Once I Said We're Sleeping
At Susan's House

They Didn't Ask
Where The Concert Was.

Same Thing Happened To Me.

My Parents Assumed The Concert
Was In New York City.

They Have No Idea
We Are Going To Baltimore.

This Is The Perfect Weekend
For My Parents To Go Away.

My Grandma
Sleeps In The Guest Room.

She Goes To Bed At : .

If We're In Before : A.M.,
We're Fine.

I Can't Believe
We Are Seeing

The Wretched Live On Stage.

The Lead Singer, Frankie X,
Wipes Sweat From His Body

And Flings It

Into The Audience.

If Only We Could Have Gotten
Front Row Seats.

We Got To Go.

We Have A Four-Hour Drive.

All Right.

Mom, We're Leaving.

Wait A Minute.

I Have Something
To Say To You.

Be Cool.
Don't Blow This.

All:
Hi.

You're Staying At Susan's House?

Right.
Right.

Susan, Your Mother
Loaned Me This Book.

Tell Her I Really Liked It.

Tell Her I'll Call Her.

I Wouldn't Call Her
This Weekend.

Things Are Kind Of Crazy.

Monday Would Be Better.

When Will You Be Home?

We'll Probably Sleep Late.

I'll Be Home Tomorrow Afternoon.

Have A Nice Time.

Bye.

All:
Bye.

Let's Get Out Of Here.

Wretched, Here We Come.

♪ Do What You Want,
Take All You Can ♪

♪ Take For Yourself,
Then Take It Again! ♪

♪ Breaking All The Rules ♪

♪ Rules Are For Fools ♪

♪ The Only Rules
Are For Rulin' Fools. ♪

How Did You Get Your Brother
To Lend Us His Car?

He Goes To College
And Leaves It At Home.

He Asked Me To Start It For Him
Occasionally.

I Didn't Say What I Was Doing
Once It Was Running.

Can I Borrow
The Car Keys?

I Have To Freshen My Makeup.

It's A Doughnut Shop.

You Don't Have To Look
That Good.

Can I Have
The Keys, Please?

This Is Ridiculous.

Get Your Nose, Okay?

When We First Started This Trip,
I Was A Little Worried.

But This Feels Incredible.

Being On My Own,
Doing What I Want To Do.

This Will Be The Most
Incredible Night Of Our Lives.

A Night That Will Last
Until Sunup.

All:
Sunup!

Where Did We
Park The Car?

Were You Not With Us

When We All
Parked The Car Together

And Walked In Together?

It's Against The Wall
By The Brown Van.

I Saw The Brown Van
And The Wall

But There's
No Car There.

Are You Sure?

No Car.

How Will We Get Home?

We Are Stuck In Wilmington.

I Am In So Much Trouble.

I'd Rather Die.

I Can Hear My Parents Now.

"Why Didn't You Think?"

I Feel Awful.

My Makeup Was In That Car.

I Got To Call The Police.

No, Kara, No.

You Cannot
Call The Police.

Why Not?!

Our Parents Will Find Out
We Reported A Car Stolen

From Wilmington, Delaware.

They'll Know
We Were Here.

She's Right.

Don't Call
The Police.

What Am I Supposed To Do?

A Car Can Get Stolen Anywhere.

Tell The Police
It Was In Your Garage.

If They Find It Here

They'll Think This Is Where
The Thief Left It.

I Don't Know.

We Do Not Have Room
For Doubters Now.

Don't Let Your Emotions
Get In The Way.

We Can Take Care Of This
Back In New York.

When We Get Back To New York,
I'm Reporting The Car Stolen.

Fine.

Kara, Listen.

Cars Come And Cars Go.

But, Honey, That
Wretched Concert's In Baltimore.

What Do You Say?

♪ Breaking All The Rules ♪

♪ Rules Are For Fools... ♪

All Right!

Then You Put It In The Pot.

You Put It
Right On Top Of The Pepper.

Dump It On The Pepper.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Hey, How You Doing?

Want To Hear A Joke?

Look, I Told You
Not To Use The Phone

And You're Wasting My Money.

I Made A Joke Up Myself.

Oh, Well, Then That's Comedy.

All Right. Fine.

Ready?

Yeah.

Go Ahead.

A Horse And A Pig.

Horse And A Pig--

That's A Good Setup.

The Horse Jumped
Over The Pig

And Landed On His Tail.

And The Pig Said...

"Did You Do That For Me?

I Didn't Know."

Thank You, Ladies And Gentlemen.

For My Next Joke...

No, I Don't Want
To Hear Any More Jokes.

I Would Laugh So Hard...

A Pig And A Cow.

Pig And A Cow.

The Pig Jumped Over The Cow,
And The Cow Said...

"You Wouldn't Do That
If It Was Summer."

Thank You, Ladies And Gentlemen.

For My Next Joke...

No More "Next Joke."

These Jokes Are Not Funny.

I Don't Understand Them.

You're Just Telling Things
And Taking Bows.

Now That's It.

You've Been
A Beautiful Audience.

Thank You.

Now That's Comedy--

Knowing When To Get Off.

Rudy:
Mom! Dad!

Denise:
Come In Here, Quick!

Woman:
Half A Block Behind The Cameras

A Fire Still Rages
At The Hazelton Paint Factory.

Toxic Fumes Are Threatening
The Houses On Wedgewood Avenue

And Many Residents
Have Been Evacuated.

What Is This?

The Fire Is A Block
From Susan's House.

That's Where Vanessa Is.

They Said Something
About Toxic Fumes.

I'm Going To Call.

One Fire Fighter Told Me
That If The Wind Shifts

The Blaze Could Spread
To These Homes Just Behind Me.

What If Vanessa's There?

With Me Now

Is Beatrice Whitman

Who Lives Here
At Wedgewood Avenue.

That's Susan's Grandmother.

Mrs. Whitman, You Live Here With
Your Daughter And Son-In-Law?

Mrs. Whitman:
Yes, But They're Away
For The Weekend.

Vanessa Didn't Say
Susan's Parents Were Away.

My Granddaughter And Her Friends
Were Supposed To Come Over

But The Firemen
Said Nobody Was In There.

Reporter:
That's The Story From Here.

Only Property Damage;
No Lives Lost.

Vanessa Said They Were
Going To Stay At Susan's

Until The Concert.

Why Don't You Call
Some Of The Other Parents.

Good Idea.

If They Haven't
Heard From Them

We Can Find Out

Where The Wretched Concert Is
And We Could Meet Them.

Did You Say
The Wretched?

They're Not Playing
In New York.

They're Not Allowed
To Play Here.

Rudy:
There's Frankie X!

He's From The Wretched.

Lead Singer Frankie X
Said In A News Conference

That He Wanted To Thank
The Citizens Of Baltimore

For Letting The Wretched
Play There Tonight.

Did He Say That The Wretched
Are In Baltimore Tonight?

That's What He Said.

Vanessa Went
All The Way To Baltimore.

Wow.

(Chanting:) Wretched, Wretched. Wretched...

Let's Hold Hands
So We Don't Get Separated.

Isn't This Fantastic?

These People
Are Beautiful.

There Is So Much Love Here.

Susan, I'm Glad
You Convinced Me

To Come To This Concert

Rather Than Filling Out
That Police Report.

We're Going To Be
A Part Of Music History.

Are You All Together?

Yeah.
Yeah.

You Need Help
Finding Your Seats?

Yeah.

We're In Section "A",
But We Don't Know Where It Is.

Really?

From Out Of Town?

Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.

New York.

New York?

Oh, You Must Really
Love The Wretched.

I'm With The Band.

Give Me Those Tickets

And I'll Take You In
Through The Special Entrance.

All Right.

Is It The Same Entrance
The Wretched Used?

The Very One.

I'll Get You
Some Backstage Passes.

Come On, Give Me The Tickets.

These Are Righteous Seats.

Come On, Follow Me.

Wait!

Wait!

Where Did He Go?

Not Available In Stores.

Excuse Me.

Some Guy Told Us He'd
Show Us To Our Seats.

Then He Took Our Tickets
And Ran Off.

Was He Wearing
An I.D. Like This?

They've Been Trying
To Catch Him.

It's All Over, Girls.

This Wasn't
Meant To Be.

Let's Take A Bus
And Go Home.

Janet, How Much Money
Do We Have Left?

Oh, No!
Oh, No!

Cliff, I Don't Know
If You're Ready For This.

That Was Kara's Mother.

She Just Received A Call

From The Police
In Wilmington, Delaware.

Kara's Brother's Car

Was Found
On The Side Of The Road

Completely Stripped.

When They Apprehended
The Thief

He Confessed
To Having Stolen The Car

From Outside
A Local Doughnut Shop.

The Police Went
To The Doughnut Shop

And Spoke To An Employee

Who Gave Them A Description
Of Four Girls

That Fits The Description
Of Our Four Girls

And Said That They Asked Her

"How Do We Catch
The Bus To Baltimore?"

They Don't Bother
To Call And Report

That The Car
Is Stolen.

They Get On A Bus
And Go To Baltimore

To Be With The Wretched
And Have Big Fun.

I Say We Should

Get Ourselves Together

And Go Over To Susan's House
And Meet Vanessa

'Cause You Know
They're Going Back There.

I Want You To Do Me A Favor.

From Where My Heels Are
To Where I Land

I Want You To Mark
How Far I Jump.

All Right,
Stay Right There.

That's About Eight Feet.

Eight Feet?

Add Another Three To That.

Because When We See Vanessa

That's How Far Away From Her
I Will Have To Be.

Come On.

You Bring Yourself
In This House Right Now.

If You Think That Ride Home
Was Something

Believe Me,
We've Only Just Begun.

Here We Were Thinking
That You're Lying On The Floor

Of Some Burning Building

Dying Of Asphyxia

And You're Down In Baltimore
Having Big Fun

Weren't You, Vanessa?

Didn't You Go To Baltimore

And Have Big Fun?

Didn't You Go
For Big Fun?

Shut Up!

Don't Open Your Mouth
When I'm Asking You A Question!

Rudy, Go To Bed!

I Only Hope That You Can Have
This Same Experience, Vanessa.

I Hope That One Day
You Realize How It Feels

To Think That Your Child's Life
Is In Danger.

You Have Taken Us From Levels
Of Frenzy, Panic, Distress

And Now That We Know
You're Okay, Rage.

That's Where We Are
Right Now, Vanessa.

We Are In Rage

Because We Know That You
Have Been To Baltimore, Maryland

With The Wretched
To Have Big Fun.

Big Fun.

What Were You Thinking?

I Wasn't Thinking.

You Got That Right.

Did You Really Think
That You Four Could Go Off

And Not One Single Parent

Would Find Out
About It?

Mom...

Shut Up!

I Know What Was Going On.

You Were Off
Being Wild And Free

And Singing The Wretched Song.

I Know You Told Me Already

But Just For The Record

How Was It That You Did Not
Get Into The Concert

With The Wretched
And The Big Fun?

Answer Me
When I Ask You A Question.

We Gave Our Tickets To A Man
Who Said He Was With The Band

And He Wasn't And He Stole Them.

Someone Stole
Janet's Wallet.

We Ran Away

And We Bumped Into This Friend
Of Janet's Brother.

He Gave Us Bus Fare.

You're Lucky
You Found Someone

To Take Pity
On Your Little Sorry Selves.

Mom, I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry!

It Will Never
Happen Again.

Can I Please
Just Have My Punishment?

Your Father And I

Have Been Through
Too Much This Evening

To Be Thinking About
Your Punishment.

I'd Like My Punishment
Before I Go To Bed.

Do Yourself A Favor
And Go To Bed.

And Do Me Another Favor, Please.

If You're Thinking
About Running Away From Home

Please Don't
Take My Car.

Clair:
There's One More Thing.

You Have Proved To Us
That You Cannot Be Trusted.

It Will Be A Long Time

Before We Even Think
Of Trusting You Again.

Mom, I Said I Was Sorry.

This Won't Happen Again...

For All I Know
You Are Lying Right Now.

Go To Bed!

Mom, I'm...

We Have To Do Something
About This Child's Honesty.

How Can We Get Her To Be Honest
About Something She Wants To Do

When She Knows
We Do Not Want Her To Do It?

And Before We Sleep Tonight

We Are Going
To Figure This One Out.

All Right, Roy.

You Get The Pad And The Pencil

And Bring Them On In
To The Chuck Wagon

And I'll Fix
Some Coffee And Beans

And A Side Of Pork

And We'll See What We Can Do

About Catching
All The Desperados.