05x17 - Maybe Baby

[bunniefuu]

You guys going to come
over again next weekend?

Aren't you getting tired of us?

As long as bill's away,

Come over any time you want to.

It's fun for me.

That's sweet. We might do that.

I bet this little girl

Is just about ready for her nap.

You don't have to put her down.

That's o.k. I want to.

Hurry back. I'm
making you lunch.

I'll be down in a minute.

Have you two had lunch yet?

No, no. Why?

Because I'm making it.

Look what I got
in the mail today...

The amazing hot sandwich maker.

That was on tv

On one of my favorite programs...
S ensational breakthroughs.

They said it was good.

You know that show's not real.

What do you mean?

Sensational breakthroughs
isn't a real program.

It's a half hour commercial.

What are you talking about?

I cannot believe you two.

You really didn't know.

I should hold all
your money for you

So you don't go out

And buy some magic
beans or something.

Anyway, I bought this thing.

Maybe we can have a snack.

I took white bread
and apple pie filling.

In just a second, you
know what we'll have?

What?

Apple pie!

I don't think so, charlene.

A piece of white bread
with apple goo on top?

What we have here
is an apple sandwich,

Or perhaps we could
call that an apple wad.

Maybe we can all
go out for lunch.

I'm not eating today.

I've hit a plateau on my diet,

So I'm taking drastic measures.

What will you do?

Well, I'm going to smoke.

Suzanne, you don't smoke.

I hear it cuts your appetite,

So this morning I got these.

That's very clever susan...

You singeled handedly come apon

The only diet aid that
causes emphysema.

Julia, I'm grown person and
if I want to smoke I will smoke.

Now... How do you
work this thing?

Suzanne, if I may
add my two cents,

This is the worst idea
that you've ever had.

If you were a gentleman,

You'd light the
lady's cigarette.

I cannot believe
you're doing that.

I know this woman.

She does what she wants to

Till she doesn't
want to anymore.

Just stay clear and
try not to get hurt.

Why are you worried?

I'm not going to inhale.

Yeah, but we are.

This is supposed to be a
no-smoking workplace.

As of when?

As of now.

Suzanne, what about your health?

You know they've shown

That white mice
exposed to tobacco

Can get cancer.

Just because
something's bad for mice

Doesn't mean it's
bad for people.

Cats are dangerous to mice, too,

But cats don't k*ll people.

Suzanne, look...

"Surgeon general's warning...

"Smoking can cause lung cancer,

Heart disease, emphysema."

That's different than
it used to be, isn't it?

It used to say

Smoking may be
hazardous to your health.

Pretty soon they'll say,

Look, you yellow-fingered,
bad-breath smelling,

Nicotine-sucking pig,

Go ahead and k*ll yourself

'Cause we're sick of you anyway.

Well I am sick and tired
of all you non smokers

Always lecturing everybody else,

I mean if were trying
to outlaw unattractive

Habits why dont we outlaw
nose picking in your car

At sixty miles a hour.

I would much rather see
someone just smoking a cigarette.

And why don't we just
outlaw polyester pants

And toupee's while were at it.

You know, I think I'm
on to something here.

She went to sleep
like a little angel.

I enjoy her so much.

Peew. What is that smell?

Suzanne is smoking.

Oh, great idea, suzanne.

Why don't you just

Burn some old tires
while you're at it, too?

I thought this was a
non-smoking workplace?

I think maybe anthony was right.

I think maybe we should
let suzanne indulge herself

Until she makes
herself horribly sick.

Because we love her?

No, because she's stupid.

What's that?

The smoking section.

Shouldn't we discuss it?

You really going
to let her do that?

Yes. Anthony wants to, right?

It's the only way.

What do you want?

I want a baby.

A tad off the subject,
but interesting.

Mary jo, isn't this
awful sudden?

No, not really.

I've always wanted another baby.

It's kind of now or never.

My biological clock
is ticking so loud

It's keeping me up nights.

You know you'll meet
your mr. Right eventually.

Oh, I know, but I
want a baby now.

This isn't about
wanting a husband.

It's completely different.

I almost raised quint
and claudia by myself.

I know what I'm getting into.

Meanwhile, I've already
taken the first step...

Call my gynecologist and
get completely checked out.

She'll put me in touch
with a sperm bank.

Mary jo, it seems
like an awful lot

To go through by yourself.

I won't be by myself.

I'll have you all.

I hate to say this,

But is it possible you're
romanticizing babies

Just a little bit?

I've had two babies.

I remember very
well what it's like...

The crying, the poop,

The constant
demands for attention,

The sleepless nights.

And you know what?

Those were the
happiest times of my life.

This smoking section
is not working.

The whole concept is ridiculous.

You cannot contain smoke.

Smoke goes everywhere.

Hey!

It is just stupid.

Hey, hey, hey!

You told me I could do it.

You're not doing
it in here anymore.

What are you saying?

I'm saying you're getting
your ashes out of here.

Hi.

What's going on?

This is the new smoking section.

Boy, she must
really want to smoke.

It's freezing out there.

I can't stand to look
at her out there.

What you got there, mary jo?

This is from the sperm bank.

It's a catalogue
of current donors.

Gee, look at this...
Height, weight,

Eye color, hair color,
occupation, hobbies.

Gee, it's like a wine list.

What about that
nobel prize sperm bank

With the famous scientists?

You'd have a super baby.

Yeah.

What's the matter, mary jo?

It just seems kind
of cold, doesn't it?

I'd prefer that it was
somebody that I knew.

Not somebody
that I'm in love with,

Just somebody
that I knew and liked

And knew was a good person.

That shouldn't be
that hard to find.

Uh-uh. Don't look at me.

I know you consider me
your man for all work,

But there are limits,

And we've just reached one.

I don't mind that other stuff,

But have mercy.

Anthony, I wasn't
talking about you.

I don't know exactly
who I was talking about.

This is a lot more
complicated than I thought.

Even though I feel
mentally prepared for this,

I just keep wishing

There'd be some
cosmic confirmation

That I'm doing the right thing.

You know, like a sign.

Anybody home?

Well, hi.

J.d.!

J.d. Shackleford!

What are you doing in atlanta?

I got a call this morning.

They needed somebody to
sign the juan herrera deal.

I said I'm your man.

So how y'all doing?

Great, great. How you doing?

Well, I can't complain.

I thought I'd surprise y'all.

Is my timing bad?

Oh, your timing's perfect.

You doing anything tonight?

No. You have any ideas?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, are the kids here?

No. Quint's got a
boy scout sleep-over

And claudia has a date.

Boy, they're getting big.

Say hello to them for me.

I got to get on
back to the hotel.

I got an appointment
early tomorrow.

Thank you for dinner.

You really didn't have
to pick up that check.

It's ok. Maybe you can do
something for me sometime.

It was great seeing you again.

You're not going
to run off, are you?

Just one drink.

All right. One drink.

Sit down. White wine, o.k.?

Sure, sure.

You know, mary jo, I
just cannot get over

How independent you've become.

When we first met...

Was that about five years ago?

I remember you being so
timid and unsure of yourself.

Now you've really taken
control of your life,

And I really admire that.

You do, do you?

I do. I really do.

Well, thank you.

So tell me, j.d., I never asked,

Do you have any hereditary
illnesses in your family?

Whoa, whoa. That's
enough for me.

All right.

Here's to, uh... Independence.

Here.

I've been thinking a
lot about my life lately.

I know this is a big decision,

But I've decided to
have another baby.

Really?

Yeah. I've always
wanted another one,

But I finally realized
it's now or never

So I'm going to do it.

Good. Good for you.

You think it's a good idea?

If you're ready, I guess
you'd be the one to know.

I know it won't be easy,

But I've thought about it.

I can have a baby

And raise a baby all by myself.

I think that's great.

You're a terrific mom.

It will be a lucky kid.

J.d.

Mm-hmm?

I can have a baby by myself,

And I can raise
a baby by myself,

But i... I can't... Start
a baby by myself.

If you know what I mean.

Well, you... You see
what I'm going for here?

Oh, yeah.

What is this?

My half of dinner.

Come on. Can't we
even talk about it?

I know it seems
like a lot to ask,

But it's not really.

You would have no
obligation to the child.

We'd sign papers.

All I'm really asking for

Is just a few
moments of your time.

Well, I don't want to brag,

But it is more than
a few moments.

I do take my hat off.

J.d., I'm really not
trying to start anything

Between us again
really. It's just...

I mean...

All I need is a
little of your dna.

No. I'm sorry. I just
couldn't do that.

I'd feel funny about it.

Why? You're not using it.

Look, mary jo, I
have raised my kids,

And I love my kids very much.

I just don't want anymore.

It would just be mine.

I couldn't have a child
of mine running around

And not see him.

I'd feel like a heel.

You should find someone else.

There are many
guys who don't mind

If they contribute
some dna and move along.

I know.

I don't want my baby
to have heel dna.

That's why you're perfect.

I know you're a
wonderful person.

You're kind,
you're intelligence,

You've got your own teeth.

I'd be so happy.

Mary jo, please.

It's not unusual anymore.

There are thousands of women

Who'd do anything
to have a baby.

They even have this
wristwatch now.

It tells you your temperature

And charts your body rhythms

And says when you're ovulating.

Don't you see, j.d., My
life is finally in order.

I have so much to give.

Please don't tell me

I'm not going to
be able to give it.

I want a baby.

O.k. Let's go upstairs.

What do you mean?

You've broken me down.

I can't answer these
arguments. Let's go upstairs.

Wait a minute.

I don't want to go upstairs.

You want to do it on the couch?

No.

I want to do it in a clinic.

With witnesses?

Absolutely not.

No. I mean, we wouldn't
actually have to do anything.

I mean...

See, you would just
go in by yourself.

And... And they
would just freeze it.

No.

Yes. That way it's
available to me up to a year.

There would be absolutely
no contact between us.

It would be very neat.

This way I can keep
trying for months.

Meanwhile, there's a popsicle
out there with my name on it.

Ok, j.d., Look...

You don't have to
decide right now.

Why don't you go
on back to cincinnati,

And, uh... And think about it.

And if you decide
that you want to,

You can just send it
to me federal express.

That's it, that's it.

This is just too much for me.

I know medical science

Has made some
wonderful advances,

But I don't know.

I guess I'm an
old-fashioned guy.

O.k.

Let's go upstairs.

What?

We'll do it your way.

In the first place,
it's not my way, o.k.?

That format has been
around for a while,

And in the second place,

I don't want to do it anymore.

J.d., You said o.k.!

I'm sorry. I'm not in
the mood anymore, o.k.?

The moment has passed,

And it's never to be recaptured.

Oh, j.d., Come on. I need you.

If I needed blood or I
needed bone marrow,

You'd donate that.

What's the difference?

I need this.

Look, you've convinced me, o.k.?

I concede all your
intellectual points,

But the fact is,
I just can't do it.

I mean, I can do
it, but I won't.

I'm sorry.

Look, I'll call you

When I get to
cincinnati, all right?

Would you look
at this upholstery?

Oh, no. What is it...
Another cigarette burn?

Yes, and I am
getting fed up with it.

It's bad enough that
suzanne's hurting herself,

But she's just so careless.

The furniture's b*rned,
the rug's b*rned.

If suzanne had been
around during the civil w*r,

She'd have b*rned
atlanta to the ground

Long before the yankees.

Hey. Hold still, girl.

Stop it, stop it!

I told you it's out now.

What happened?

She set her hairpiece on fire.

I told you to be careful
with those cigarettes.

That wig's made from
petroleum products.

Of course it's going to go up.

This wig is not made
out of artificial fibers.

It's out of human hair
grown especially for me

By peasant women in switzerland.

Now it's ruined. What
am I supposed to do?

Oh, well... I have an idea.

You just quit smoking.

Well, fine with me.

Contrary to what
you might believe,

I don't enjoy having
my head go up in flames.

Gee, suzanne, I mean, you...

You're going to
quit just like that?

We kind of thought
you might be addicted.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

You can't get
addicted in one week.

That's just another
scare story of y'alls.

I'm quitting.

I'll take a hundred
chances with my lungs,

But you only get one
chance with my wig.

Uh, hi.

Anthony, hi.

I heard you were back.

I thought you were
leaving after your meeting.

I'm going to the airport now.

Is there someplace we can talk?

Sure.

I'd hang on to those
cigarettes, julia.

Why?

Because those two might
need one afterwards.

I just didn't want to
leave things this way.

Are you sure
you're not mad at me?

No. I'm not mad.

I'll just find another way.

Like a sperm bank?

I don't know.

I'll take it a day at a time.

I want it to feel right.

When you showed
up out of nowhere,

I just thought you were
the answer to everything.

I should have known
things wouldn't be that easy.

Well, I almost said yes.

I know, but I'm not
giving up on the idea.

I'm serious about this.

I'm definitely going
to make the most

Of those last few minutes
on my biological clock.

Oh, uh... That reminds me.

I have something for you.

It's the watch that
takes your temperature.

Yeah. This is your
biological wristwatch.

I was going to send it
to you federal express.

This is very sweet.

Well, I got to go catch a plane.

Oh, hi. Don't mind me.

Just go on with
whatever you're doing.

You know, one for the road.

Well... Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Thank you.

Hey, let's do better

About keeping in touch, huh?

Yeah, let's do.

Do I smell hair burning?

Oh!

Oh, lord. Not again.

Just hit it. Just...
Just... Just...