04x06 - the wizard

[bunniefuu]

BARRY: Alright, I'm
gonna time you on this

because most murderers
don't wait for you

to put your g*n together and sh**t 'em.

- Ready?
- Why can't I just leave the safety on?

- Because John will know how to turn it off.
- No, he won't.

Look, boys instinctively know how g*ns

- and cars work.
- (SIGHS)

Alright? I can't have him messing around

with this stuff while I'm in LA.

Alight? Here we go. Five, four,

three, two, one.

- Assemble.
- (TIMER BEEPS)

Assemble it.

- Sally, assemble it!
- Why can't we just move again?

- (TIMER BEEPS)
- (SIGHS)

Because you can't outrun a movie.

People are gonna see
it. It's gonna bring

a lot of unwanted attention to us.

You know what's gonna bring
unwanted attention to us?

k*lling Gene.

What's your big plan, huh?
What, you're gonna go to LA,

you're gonna k*ll Gene,
the head of the studio,

anyone else who has read about us?

- Just Gene.
- Why?

Because this whole movie is
gonna be from his point of view,

and that's...

not the truth.

Okay? And I don't
want our son to see it.

(SIGHS)

You know...

I don't think that this
is God's message for you.

Because this goes against
everything we believe.

k*lling is a sin, a big one.

- And I don't think that...
- This isn't a discussion, alright?

We either do this, or we drop John off

at an orphanage, and we k*ll ourselves.

I think you just wanna do this
because Gene turned you in.

I want our son to know his parents.

- He thinks my name is Emily.
- But he knows the real you.

Lord, please give us the
strength to get through

these next hours.

Please give John the strength
to know that his daddy

is gonna be back from LA,

and that he's gonna be okay.

Please give Mommy the strength
to not leave the house...

and to tend to John's needs.

Amen.

Wh-Why can't I come with you?

'Cause it's work stuff.

But you don't have a job.

It's a job interview.

Would we have to move again?

If everything goes well, no.

I have to stay home while Mom's at work?

Well, I called in sick today, sweetie,

so I'm gonna be with you
until Daddy gets back.

Sound good?

(SIGHS) Okay, I know. I know.

- It's gonna be okay.
- JOHN: Don't go.

BARRY: It's gonna be alright.

It's okay.

- Oh... (SNIFFLES)
- (SALLY SIGHS)

- Oh, you're my big guy.
- (PATTING BACK)

JOHN: I love you so much.

BARRY: You're my big guy.

Okay, now I'm gettin' sad.

(CAR ENGINE RUMBLING, GROWING LOUDER)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(TIRES SQUEAL)

- (PARKING BRAKE CREAKS)
- (ENGINE CUTS)

(BLUESY HARMONICA MUSIC PLAYING)

(GATE OPENS)

("THE WIZARD" BY BLACK SABBATH PLAYING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)

- (TIRES SCREECH)
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! Stop! What are you doing?

Slow down! What... Stop! Stop! Stop!

- Hey, come on! Stop!
- (TIRES SCREECH)

- Whoo! sh*t.
- (RADIO STOPS, DOORS OPEN)

Mr. Fuches.

- So nice to finally meet you.
- (CAR DOORS SHUT)

Welcome to Nohobal.
My name is Val, and I...

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(SOFT LOBBY MUSIC)

Hey, guys? Hank's office is this way.

I will show you. Please follow me.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

VAL: This is the executive
floor with kitchen, juice bar.

Can I interest anyone
in something to drink?

Small batch kombucha maybe?

Kale smoothie?

- JASON: Y'all got Squirt?
- VAL: Squirt? No.

- DAMIAN: How about Jolt?
- VAL: Uh, one second.

- (VAL SPEAKING CHECHEN)
- (DOOR OPENS)

- Yay!
- (SHUTS LAPTOP)

Wow, look at what the cat brought in...

to the house! Alright!

Wow! So good to see you.

What the f*ck happened to you?

I found myself.

In a tattoo parlor?

No, Hank.

My body tells the story of my journey.

Initially, I went
through a gauntlet of...

pain, but that pain turned into
pleasure. Pleasure manifested...

(SHOUTING GIBBERISH) Oh,
so these are the guys, huh?

- Welcome, guys.
- Yep.

We are at your service.

Right. Right. Still trying to
figure out what that looks like.

In the meantime, all of you have these.

You can access the money
you're owed on the Moolah app.

(SIGHS) All .

Well, that's for you to
distribute how you like.

(FUCHES SIGHS)

I was a good soldier on the inside.

I kept my mouth shut.

Don't play businessman with me, Hank.

Don't worry.

Whatever you do for us, I'll
make sure it is extremely lucrative.

We can move forward on two conditions.

You put us up on your best property,

and then you find and deliver

Barry Berkman to me.

Barry? (LAUGHS)

That's old news, man.

I mean, Barry's in the wind.

He's probably dead.

I can definitely get you guys a house...

- Your best house.
- But I suggest you move on from Barry.

Okay? We have much better fish to fry.

Barry, alone, in a room
with me and my guys.

That's the top priority.

We'll see what we can do.

PASTOR PAT (ON HEADPHONES): This is
Pastor Pat, and on today's podcast,

we're gonna talk about
what it means to sin.

To sin is to choose our
own way against God's way,

and we know all the big ones.

Using God's name in vain,
being lustful, stealing.

There's no real reason
to rank sins, you know.

You can't say this one's
worse than that one.

That's not really how it works.

Unless you're talking
about m*rder, of course.

- (SIGHS)
- m*rder is, by far, the worst...

ATTENDANT (OVER PA):
... passengers seated

in the zones E and F at this time.

GENE: Tom, what is all this
sh*t you put in my house?

Well, I'm gonna have
everything moved outta here

as soon as I find myself a new place.

Of course, that does
require me locating a, uh,

a white glove moving service.

- For dolls?
- They're not dolls, Gene.

It's the world's foremost collection.

They truly mean the world to me.

Listen, get yourself together
and get dressed, okay?

We've got a pitch to hear. Let's go.

(LIGHT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

We thought the article turned out great.

Well, Gene can't really consult

until we find out
what the film is about.

JOSIE: Here's the movie in a nutshell.

It's a cat-and-mouse thriller

between a teacher and
his k*ller student.

Now, Barry Berkman
is the main character,

but he's the villain.

You, Gene Cousineau, would
be the hero that defeats him.

TOM: Ah-ha.

Well, that, uh, that does
sound rather interesting.

The studio is very excited.

We think we can attract
some A-list talent.

No kidding?

So, uh, what do you think, Gene?

You can't make this movie.

Why?

You know, there was a time when
I would be thrilled by this.

I was a narcissistic,
self-involved person.

But for the past eight years,

I've been living on a kibbutz in Israel,

where I learned selflessness
and true happiness.

Now, when Tom told me that you
were making a movie about Barry,

- I had my concerns.
- (TOM SIGHS)

But now that I've heard your pitch,

I see my concerns are warranted.

But, this movie is what happened.

It's the truth.

This is a mindless entertainment.

You are glorifying a psychopath,

and you're exploiting the
memory of the woman I loved.

Gene, listen. This is merely
a discussion, you know?

I mean, they could
wind up making the movie

with whatever you're comfortable with.

What I'm comfortable with
is this movie going away,

and you leaving me and
the memory of Janice alone.

(LAUGHS) I'm sorry, but we
are going to make this movie

- with or without you.
- Well, I'm very sorry.

- You're gonna have a fight on your hands.
- DA AGENT: Gene Cousineau!

The DA would like to see you.

Take two bites of that
salad and come with me.

(MYSTICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

PASTOR CARL (ON HEADPHONES): Hi,
this is Pastor Carl,

and on today's podcast,
we're gonna be talking about

is a sin actually a sin?

Now,

- some of the sins...
- (CAR UNLOCKS)

... that we all know from
the Bible are pretty serious,

- but others, uh, not that bad.
(OPENS DOOR)

- Some of it is just human behavior.
- (DOOR AJAR BEEPING)

Let's start with the big one first.

- Matthew - . "Thou shalt not k*ll."
- (STARTS ENGINE)

Now, when talking about
taking a human life...

(CONTINUES OVER CAR SPEAKER) ... the
act of k*lling another person,

that's pretty generally
considered a sin,

but it's a little more
complicated than that.

Because the Old Testament tells us

that there are sanctioned
killings in the eyes of God.

- BARRY: Exactly.
- PASTOR CARL: There's also an eye for an eye.

Now, I'm a big believer in
capital punishment, obviously.

(CONTINUES ON HEADPHONES)
In ancient times,

we know God commanded his followers

to wipe out whole cities and
peoples. It had to be done.

Those people had to k*ll

- to protect future generations.
- (MUFFLED CHATTER)

But, at the end of the
day, I, I ask myself...

- I'm sorry, what?
- CLERK: Oh, uh...

By law, I'm supposed to
show you these pictures.

Oh, okay.

(BAG CRINKLES, THUDS)

- Thank you.
- CLERK: Mm-hmm.

PASTOR CARL (ON HEADPHONES):
But before you get too bloodthirsty,

just know most killings
are not sanctioned by God.

You can't just k*ll
anyone that crosses you.

That's m*rder, and you will go to Hell.

(BAG CRINKLES)

(SIGHS)

(MUFFLED OFFICE CHATTER)

So, you sh*t your son.

Disappeared for eight years.

Onto a kibbutz.

I really thought my life was in danger.

You could have come to us.

But you were the ones who were
supposed to protect me against Berkman.

Do you have any idea where he is?

(SIGHS)

We lost track of him eight years ago.

You came out of hiding,
risked your life for a movie?

I did not want Berkman immortalized.

I thought that was worth it.

So, you found a spine
over there in Israel?

I did.

How'd your son take seeing you?

PASTOR NICK (ON RADIO): Hey, everybody!

It's Pastor Nick Saint Angelo again,

and on today's podcast,
we're gonna talk about

how m*rder is definitely not a sin.

Now, the Bible is filled with tons
of righteous and justified killings.

Most of them are my
favorite part of the book.

But how are you supposed
to know in your own life

when it's okay to use v*olence?

Well, as many of you
know, I was an enforcer

for the Rockford Ice Hogs, and, in ,

I was sentenced to years
for k*lling Billy Zorillo

in an exhibition game.

Since then, people have been surprised

at my general lack of
guilt around this incident.

I just tell 'em it's because

- it was done within my faith.
- (PARKS, CUTS ENGINE)

- (SIGHS)
- Now, what does that mean?

It means I prayed about it,

and I looked for God's signs.

If you go back and watch the replay,

you'll see Zorillo check
my teammate Mark Flanagan,

putting him in the hospital.

This pissed me off.

This gave me an intense feeling

that I knew was a sign from God saying,

"You got my blessing, Nicky."

- Bingo.
- (TURNS OF RADIO)

- (DEEP EXHALE)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)

- (WIND BLOWING OUTSIDE)
- (JOHN SNIFFLING)

(SIGHS)

(EXHALES)

Hey, Johnny...

you wanna color?

- JOHNNY: Mm-mmm.
- (SIGHS)

How about some lunch? Are you hungry?

(SMOKE ALARM BEEPING)

- (BEEPING STOPS)
- (JOHNNY SNIFFLING)

JOHNNY: Mm!

(WIND CONTINUES BLOWING)

Worked really f*cking hard on that.

(JOHNNY SNIFFLING)

(SIGHS)

- (SIGHS)
- (JOHNNY SNIFFLING)

(SNIFFLING)

Okay, sweetie.

- Drink your juice.
- (JOHN SNIFFLES)

Come on, everyone!
That's it, stick together.

Find your buddy. Okay? (INHALES)

Ah, breathe in those Malibu
trade winds. It's great.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Alright.

Welcome to your new home!

ENTOURAGE: Oh...

Yep. We got the infinity pool.

- ENTOURAGE: Ooh...
- Yeah.

And this is the place de résistance.

- The crow's nest.
- ENTOURAGE: Whoa...

Yeah. Now, listen up, guys.

We updated your Moolah app.

- We're hooking you up with two grand each!
- (EXCITED CHATTER)

And Nohobal Enterprises
would like to have you homies

be our security for the new sites

on Beachwood f*cking Canyon, alright?

Let's go. You'll be paid
handsomely. Let's f*cking go!

- (CHEERING)
- Yeah! Yeah!

(CHATTER FADES)

(SIGHS)

(WIND BLOWING)

(SIGHS)

And you're gonna put out feelers

for our dumb, lanky friend, right?

- Yeah, already in the works.
- Mm.

His acting teacher resurfaced.

Shut the f*ck up.

- Let me handle it.
- (SIGHS)

We do not need any heat on that front.

Just focus on making sure

your guys protect my
properties, alright?

You got it.

NOHO HANK: Alright, guys! Let's
check out the rest of the house.

(SOFT, EXCITED CHATTER)

(SIGHS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Hello, Leo.

Come on in.

Well, that's a sign.

(RACKS SLIDE)

Um... (LAUGHS)

I came to apologize for sh**ting you.

I thought you were somebody else.

Then, Tom told me that your injuries

were not life-threatening.
Baruch Hashem.

I'm gonna be paying back that debt

for the rest of my life.

Why are you back?

Warner Brothers wants to
make a movie of my life.

- (SCOFFS) Of course.
- I came to k*ll the movie

because I don't want
that kind of attention.

I don't believe that.

Well, I knew you were gonna say that,

and you'll just have to see.

(DOOR AJAR BEEPING)

(SIGHS)

(g*n RATTLING)

(VEHICLE APPROACHING)

(BUS BRAKES SQUEAKING)

(ROOSTER CROWING)

(HEAVY BREATHING)

GENE: Hi, Gordon.

What is he doing here?

Uh, it's okay. Hug your grandfather.

(PATTING BACK)

You are so handsome!

How long are you in town for?

As long as you're comfortable.

(ROOM DOOR SHUTS)

You still have the same number?

I don't. I have a new one,

and I'm gonna give it to you right now.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOOR AJAR BEEPING)

(SIGHS)

(LONG EXHALE)

f*ck.

- (WIND BLOWING OUTSIDE)
- (CLOCK TICKING)

- SALLY: John.
- (QUIET SNORING)

John, it's too bright.

John, go nap in your bed.

- (SIGHS)
- (CHAIR CREAKING)

Come on, wake up.

Wake up and go nap in your bed.

- Your room.
- (SNORING)

(SALLY GROANS)

John, come on. Wake up!

- (JOHN GROANS)
- (SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

Okay.

You sleep here.

(QUIET SNORING CONTINUES)

(METALLIC CLATTERING)

(b*llet ROLLING, STOPS)

MALE VOICE (MUFFLED): Hey. Hey, bitch!

I'm comin' for you, bitch!

(QUIET GASP)

I'm comin' for you,
and that boy of yours.

(WIND BLOWING)

(GRUNTING)

(WIND GUSTING)

(BLINDS RATTLING)

(LOCKS DOOR)

(SIGHS)

(WIND BLOWING)

(SHUTS, LOCKS WINDOW)

(QUIET SNORING CONTINUES)

(SLAMS DOOR)

MALE VOICE: Ah! You f*ck!

- (OBJECTS CLATTERING)
- What the f*ck!

- Did you poke me in the eye?
- (CRASHING)

- f*cking bitch!
- (OBJECTS BREAKING)

(GROANING)

What is that, metal?

Hey, kid, wake up.

- (DOOR RATTLING)
- What'd your mom put in my eye?

(GASPING)

SALLY: Open the f*cking door!

- MALE VOICE: Wake up.
- (OBJECTS CLATTERING)

He's not waking up! He's not breathing!

- What'd you put in my eye?
- (CRASHING)

- (g*n RATTLING)
- (SALLY MUTTERING)

- What did you put in my eye?!
- SALLY: Come on!

- MALE VOICE: You f*cking bitch!
- (ENGINE REVVING)

- f*cking bitch!
- (g*n CLICKING)

- You f*cking bitch! What did you put in my eye?!
- (ENGINE ROARING)

- (LOUD CRASH)
- (SALLY SCREAMING)

- (GASPING)
- (HOUSE CREAKING, OBJECTS FALLING)

(ENGINE ROARING)

- (SCREAMING)
- (FURNITURE BREAKING, SMASHING)

- (GASPING)
- (ENGINE ROARING)

- (LOUD CRASH)
- (SCREAMING)

- (GASPING, WHIMPERING)
- (HOUSE CREAKING)

(LOUD CRASH, CLATTERING)

- (OBJECTS FALLING, SETTLING)
- (GASPING)

(ENGINE ROARING)

(SALLY GASPING)

(TIRES SPIN, ENGINE ROARS)

- (SALLY PANTING)
- (JOHN SNORING)

FUCHES: Everybody raise a glass.

- Raise it up. Not you. Raise it up.
- (ENTOURAGE MURMUR)

I got a family now, boys!

- (GLASSES CLINKING)
- m*therf*cker! Hey!

(LAUGHS) I didn't even
think that was possible.

But this woman right here,

she opened a valve in my heart

I didn't think existed.

And now, I've also inherited

a daughter! Who I... just met.

I mean, I'm a father!
Can you believe that?

I'm a f*ckin' dad?

(FUCHES LAUGHS)

But, guess what? She's going to college.

Yeah, I study, um,
agriculture at Pepperdine.

- Pepperdine?
- Is a very good school.

- Great volleyball.
- FUCHES: Yeah!

Pepperdine! And she is a f*cking genius.

But, you? Y-Y-You
started with that dinky,

you know, sand
operation, and now, you...

Well, you have an
empire, Mr. Fortune .

Mr. Nice Guy.

Mr. Hanging with the
Mayor and Actors and sh*t.

Yeah, I didn't think you had it
in you, but you proved me wrong

by putting your biggest competitors

through a f*ckin' sand silo!

The NoHo Hourglass.

FUCHES: Oof! The NoHo Hourglass!

That is legendary
sh*t in the joint, man.

You know, I was there, too.

Yeah, yeah? Oh, you
know... You know about it?

- I was there with the sand, yes.
- Yeah.

You did it! (LAUGHS) And then, you,

you know, you got rid of Cristobal,

you took his idea, and
you made it into your own.

And you are now doing so well with it.

I'm so proud of him.
Aren't you proud of him?

I didn't k*ll Cristobal.

(LAUGHS) What?

Our rivals had Cristobal k*lled.

Oh, that's funny.

That's a funny m*therf*cking
thing you just said. (LAUGHS)

No, I... huh?

Fuches?

I think you might be a little drunk.

Oh, yeah! I'm definitely drunk,

(LAUGHS) but you know what?

That doesn't change the truth, does it?

(SIGHS) You're talking all sorts
of crazy sh*t right now, man.

Buddy, buddy, buddy. Everybody knows

you had him k*lled, right?

I'm just sayin', why
don't you accept it?

You're a badass,

and I'm giving you a f*ckin' compliment.

(CHAIR SLIDES)

(FOOTSTEPS)

NOHO HANK: That's it. Deal's over.

I want you and your f*cking
men outta here, alright?

By tomorrow morning.

Okay? This is done.
Deal is f*cking done.

- What the f*ck are you talking about?
- You...

You f*cking say that's
a compliment, huh?

You're saying this sh*t
as a f*cking compliment?

f*ck you. I want you
f*cking out by tomorrow,

: AM, okay?

What if I don't get outta here?

You're gonna give me one
of those suits? (WHEEZES)

(LAUGHING)

You bald f*ck! I'm not goin' anywhere!

(QUIET CHECHEN CHATTER)

What the f*ck happened?

♪ ♪

(PHONE DIAL TONE)

(PHONE DIAL TONE)

(PHONE DIAL TONE)

BARRY (ON VOICEMAIL): Hi, this is Clark.

Leave a message, and I'll
call you Scott Bakula.

(BEEP)

SALLY: Barry, where the f*ck are you?

Things have gotten really bad here.

Barry, you need to come
home right now. Come home.

(HEAVY BREATHING)

Where the f*ck are you?

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

Tom?

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

(RACKS SLIDE)

♪ ♪

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(DOOR CREAKS)

- (MUFFLED YELL)
- (SILENCE)

- (INSECTS CHIRPING)
- (INHALES)

(SHALLOW BREATHING)

(INSECTS CONTINUE CHIRPING)

(CAR PASSING, RADIO PLAYING)

(DOG BARKING)

(CAR PASSING)

(INSECTS CONTINUE CHIRPING)

(DISTANT HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

(DISTANT SIRENS BLARE)

(DOG BARKING)

(INSECTS CONTINUE CHIRPING)