♪
They're coming, they're coming.
Everybody gotta hide.
Come on, everybody
has gotta hide.
Wait, wait, wait, hide?
Where we gonna hide? Hide where?
How about if we all
just close our eyes?
Stupid arnold.
Where's the watch?
You got it?
Here he is!
Surprise!
What is this, what's
goin' on here?
It's a surprise.
They wanted to show
their appreciation
Before the new semester begins.
But I want you to know,
from the bottom of my heart,
I'm absolutely opposed to it!
Mr. Woodman, you're
still as sweet as ever.
Don't mention it.
Thank all of you, I mean,
I don't know what to say.
Just say you'll take
us out to a movie.
You knew about this, didn't you?
Of course I knew.
Kids told me last week.
I told them a party
wasn't necessary
Since teaching at buchanan
has been a joy for you
Since the first day.
Well, let's make that day two.
I remember that first day
when I had the pleasure
Of meeting these
eager young minds
For the first time.
♪
Good morning.
I'm your, uh, new
homeroom teacher.
My name is mr. Kotter.
I am looking forward
to a meaningful
Learning experience
for everybody.
A meaningful learning
experience, mr. Kotter, wow!
Tell us more!
Oh, I'd be delighted to.
I'll also be your social
studies instructor.
Social studies?
That's one of our favorites!
Can we begin right now?
Well, as soon as
I get your names,
I guess we'll get right into it.
Great, oh goody goody goody!
Now that I have
succeeded in establishing
A relationship, a rapport
Between myself and myself,
I'd like to know who you are.
Let us begin over here.
No, no.
We're gonna start over here.
Okay, we'll start over here.
Barbarino.
Vinnie barbarino.
This is my place, and these,
These are my people.
Thank you, chairman barbarino.
Who is this?
That.
That is epstein.
The toughest kid in school.
Voted most likely
to take a life.
Epstein, huh?
Juan louis pedro
felipo de huevos epstein,
From san juan.
Your mother's puerto rican?
No, my father.
My mother's name is biberman.
Hi, there.
I'm frederick washington.
Freddie "boom boom" washington.
What's the "boom boom" for?
♪ Boom boom boom
boom boom boom ♪
I get it, I get it.
You play the bass.
No, man, I just like
to be doing this.
Who're you?
He's horshack.
Horshack doesn't talk?
He talks when I
tell him to talk.
That so, horshack, you need him
To tell you to talk?
Say nothing on
your own volition?
Tell him to talk.
Talk, horshack.
Hello.
How are ya?
I'm arnold horshack.
Which arnold horshack?
Arnold horshack, the last.
Why the last, horshack?
Because, uh, after they made me,
They broke the mold.
♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
Welcome to the sweathog
back to school special!
♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
♪ Well the names
have all changed
Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams have remained
And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead ya ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot
'Cause we got him on the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back, welcome
back, welcome back ♪♪
♪
You know something, I guess
that's the key to learning.
Students and teachers
relating to each other
As mature people.
Hooray for horshack!
I don't care what
the white man think.
All right. Now loosen up.
We gotta loosen
up here, all right?
All right. Start to relax.
Start to feel who you are.
I say a ba-ba-ba, bar-barbarino.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba barbarino.
A ba-ba-ba, ba-barbarino.
You got me rockin'
and a rollin'.
You got me rockin'
and a reelin'...
You got me rockin'.
You got me reelin'.
Barbarino, oh, yeah.
Hey, shalom, amigo.
Come to me!
Come to me, stop!
Stop!
I'm so confused.
Get bent, barbarino!
♪ G-a-b ♪
Be a good boy.
♪ R-e-l ♪
Elevate our minds.
♪ K-o-t-t-r ♪
Kotter.
I got a very important
note from home here.
Mr. Kotter.
I got a note explaining
my absenteeism.
Hey, mr. Kotter.
I got a note.
What's all this?
Those are the notes
covering my absenteeism
For the rest of my life!
- ♪ Hello ♪
- ♪ hello ♪
- ♪ Hello ♪
- ♪ hello ♪
Hi there. Hi there.
Hi there. Hi there.
Hi there.
Hi there. Hi there.
Hi there. Hi there.
One, two, three,
four, five, six,
Seven, eight, nine, ten.
Ow!
Oh, oh oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh! Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh!
I'm so confused!
Good morning, mr. Kotter.
We're all in our places
with bright, shining faces.
Ahh!
Hey, um, hey, um, mrs. Kotter.
Remember the time
you got pregnant
And your husband abandoned you?
Remember that?
What are you talking
about abandoned, freddie,
I was at a teacher's
convention for two days.
That's what I said.
Abandoned.
Who rushed to your side to help?
Help? Is that what it was?
♪ Doo doo doo doo ♪
Hey, hey, hey!
All right!
I'm trying!
Ahh!
We're being att*cked
by laurence welk!
Turn it off, dude!
Turn it off!
Turn it off, arnold!
Surprise!
♪
♪
If we're learning to be
mature adults, mr. Kotter,
It's only because of you.
I mean, you're
giving us the big time
Perfect example
of the role model.
A man that has it all
together, all right.
Good morning, boys and girls.
I am a social studies robot.
Taxation without
representation, huh, huh?
All right? Take this!
And so, with the
fall of czar nicholas
And the rise of the
socialist proletariat,
The russian revolution,
had come to a close. The end.
Did you hear about
the 500-pound parrot?
He says, "polly
wants a cr*cker, now."
♪ And when it's
twelve o' clock ♪
♪ We climb the stairs ♪
♪ We never knock ♪
♪ 'Cause nobody's there ♪
♪ Just ♪
♪ Me and myself ♪
♪ All alone with me... ♪
Yeah, we're all alone...
♪ Bum-bum-bum bum-bum-bum ♪
♪ Bum-bum-bum bum-bum-bum ♪
♪ You'll be swell ♪
♪ You'll be great ♪
♪ You're gonna have the
whole world on a plate ♪
Horshack, you say
you're not satisfied.
You say you want
more for your money.
All right, I'll tell
you what I'm gonna do.
With each and every
test comes a coupon
Entitling the bearer
to a five-pound wedge
Of fachamatta mozzarella cheese.
Ehhh.
Wa-wa-wa.
He's losing control,
somebody do something,
It's embarrassin'.
You see this?
This is what I
was talkin' about.
This is the power of the press.
Exposing corruption,
unseating the mighty
And bringing them
before the bar of justice.
See, he's out of control again.
Thank you, arnold,
how this elephant
Got my pajamas, I'll never know.
Oh, yes.
Used by a woman once again.
Well, look, you're a very
interesting group of kids
And I'd love to go on
talkin to ya forever,
But it's time the play
let's go to school.
I searched here,
and I searched there.
I'm searchin' for
my shanghaied ale.
Hello.
How are ya?
I'm arnold horshack.
Now this is epstein, the
refried matzo ball king.
What are you doing, kotter?
Groucho.
♪
Well, my memory is
excellent, mr. Kotter,
And I never will forget the time
You helped me rescue my manhood.
Did I succeed?
All my life, people have been
Trying to push me aside.
"Arnold, go to your room."
"Arnold, go outside and play."
"Arnold, we'll meet
you after school."
Mr. Kotter.
I'm tired of being pushed aside.
I understand, arnold.
But there are other
ways to prove you're a man
Besides fighting a
big stark like carvelli.
Mr. Kotter, sometimes a man
Has to stand up for himself,
Even though he
knows he's gonna land
Flat on his back.
Haven't you ever felt like that?
Arnold, if you really think
that you have to do this,
I'm behind you.
Mr. Kotter, how can I take
This report card home
and show it to my mother?
That woman's a saint.
I remember, your
mother the saint.
You're gonna be upset, huh?
You probably got no
idea what it feels like
To get hit with beads.
Vinnie.
Do you think that I
enjoy failing you?
Yeah. That's how you
teachers get your jollies.
Well, I don't.
Vinnie, you
shouldn't be failing,
You're a kid with brains.
Look, man, if you
don't get it together,
You're gonna get left back.
How would your mother like that?
Oh, no, she wouldn't like that.
Vinnie, I want to help you,
I just don't know what to do.
Hey, how about if
I got you a tutor?
Somebody to work
with you after school?
Hey, believe me, it's
not gonna be that bad.
All right.
But is there any
way we could do this
Without books?
You know what I see
when I look at you?
I see a sensitive,
bright, energetic kid
That has a lot more
goin' for him than muscle.
You see that? Where?
Where's that guy, show me where.
I'll show you where that guy is.
That guy is in here.
And that guy is in here.
Yeah, well, how
about right here?
There's nothing in there, juan.
It's empty.
Nothing.
Though you a re going to
meet a tall, dark stranger.
Face it washington,
you're not that good.
There are guys
right here in buchanan
Who are better than you.
- Like who?
- Who?
- Who?
- Who?
Me.
You?
Hey, man, you better stay
away from that blackboard,
I think you must have sniffed
too much of that chalk dust.
Hey, I'm serious, freddie,
basketball's my game.
And I'm challenging
you, one on one.
Just you, me, and
the basketball court.
Hey, mr. Kotter, I mean,
you outta shape, man,
Dig yourself, man.
If you was a building,
you'd be condemned.
3:15 Today, 20-point game.
Okay mr. Kamikaze.
Why don't you put your
money where your mouth is?
Twenty bucks say I win.
Hey, you know I'm not
gonna play you for money.
Hey, I tell you
what I'm gonna do.
If I win, you take
the make-up test.
And if I win, you pass me.
I can't do that.
Hey, you can do anything,
man, you the teacher.
You got a bet.
Okay, take it easy, tiger.
Get your wind back,
you'll be all right
In a minute.
Why?
What's that noise, kotter?
Reena, oy!
It's my father's noise.
Hey, coach, is mr. Kotter here?
Yes, he's on the
couch, lying in state.
Hey, you mind if I
talk to him alone
For a minute?
Not at all, but
you better hurry.
I don't think he
has much more time.
Hi there.
Least you could do is sweat.
I did.
Hey, look, I'm ready to
take that make-up test
If you still want me to.
Hey, I'm not welsher.
You win.
You b*at me 20 to 16, you pass.
No, man, that was no b*at
man, you scored 16 points
Off of me, I mean, you.
You twice my age, man.
I mean, you old
enough to be my...
Older cousin.
Look, I've been thinking.
Maybe I don't have that contract
All sewn up with the knicks yet.
I just think I'd better
be coverin' all my bases.
Think that's a
smart move, freddie.
You know, man,
you something else.
I mean, you really surprised
me down there today.
Yeah?
Yeah, you still
play pretty good,
You still got it.
Yeah, I got it.
But I can't get
it off the couch.
That was a real nice thing
you did, you know that?
I can't think of anybody
else who could've,
Like, you know, like,
done that kind of thing
With our talents.
Hey, you know, it's mutual.
I learn a lot from
you guys, too.
It's like one hand
washes the other.
Not in my family.
Hey, listen, thanks
to the sweathogs,
I'm here today.
Remember the day
I almost got fired?
Oh, yeah.
Ah, what a wonderful
day that was.
I think that they
should be here.
Make way for the
painting painter men.
Just a moment.
There's a meeting going on here.
Hey, maka.
When you hire the
linguini brothers
To work, the linguini
brothers will work.
That's right, guido.
This is absurd, what
could be more ridiculous
Than this?
♪ Da, da-da-da ♪
Kotter.
I know that face.
What?
That's you, barbarino!
Where?
Barbarino.
Are in there alone?
Mr. Kotter.
Are these your students?
Yes, these are my sweathogs.
That's mo, larry, curly.
And that's raquel.
Mr. Kotter, is there anything
You'd like to say
in your own behalf?
Certainly.
Ms. Reilly, I'm a teacher.
That's what it
says on my locker.
"Mr. Kotter, teacher."
And I'm teachin' a group of kids
Known as sweathogs.
Now contrary to popular opinion,
Sweathogs are not dumb.
I mean, a dumb person
does not think of a way
To make it rain
in the gymnasium.
I did that.
Unfortunately, normal
teaching methods
Don't seem to
work for these kids.
I mean, if they did, well,
Then they wouldn't be sweathogs.
Don't you see?
They're gonna have
to survive in the world
Of the future.
And if they learn how to learn,
Well then they'll be
able to survive anywhere.
Copies of this speech
can be obtained
By writing farkle press.
♪
Guys, I don't know what to say.
I'm overwhelmed.
And underpaid.
Just a little joke, mr. Woodman.
This is great, you know,
talking about memories
And all that stuff, but I mean,
I think it will be
nice if we went to see
That movie that you promised us.
Yeah.
I mean, after all, you
should pay us back
For the watch
we're gonna give you.
You gave away the surprise here.
What are you talkin' about?
I don't know no surprise,
I knew about it for a week.
A watch, you got me a watch?
Well, you shouldn't have.
Well, we didn't.
We sent these lady sweathogs
out to buy something nice
And that's what
they came back with.
Here you go, mr. Kotter,
don't worry about
Droppin' it.
Oh, is it shock resistant?
Nah, it's cheap.
Hey, but that's the best watch
That $5.75 can buy.
Well, look, doesn't
matter how much it cost.
It's the thought that counts.
Hey, you guys, for mr. Kotter!
Hip-hip hooray!
Hip-hip hooray!
♪
Hey.
You know, this reminds
me of a little story
My uncle morris once told me.
Take it easy with
the stories, man.
Mr. Woodman, did I
ever tell you the story
About my uncle morris?
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪♪
♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Your dreams were
your ticket out ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ To that same old place
that you laughed about ♪
♪ Well the names
have all changed
Since you hung around ♪
♪ But those dreams have remained
And they've turned around ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
♪ Who'd have thought
they'd lead you ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
♪ Back here where we need ya ♪
♪ Yeah we tease him a lot
'Cause we got him on the spot ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back, welcome
back, welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back, welcome back ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ We always could
spot a friend ♪
♪ Welcome back ♪
♪ And I smile when I think ♪
♪ How you must've been ♪
♪ And I know what a scene ♪
♪ You were learnin' in ♪♪
03x01 - Sweathog Back-to-School Special
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
American sitcom starring Gabe Kaplan as a high-school teacher in charge of a racially and ethnically diverse remedial education class called the "Sweathogs."
American sitcom starring Gabe Kaplan as a high-school teacher in charge of a racially and ethnically diverse remedial education class called the "Sweathogs."