06x08 - The Strange Case of Clarence and Anita

[bunniefuu]

♪ Georgia

♪ Oh, georgia

♪ The whole day through

♪ This old, sweet song

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind

♪ Oh oh

♪ Oh, georgia, now, my georgia

♪ Ah, you hear me, georgia

♪ No peace, no peace do I find

♪ This old, sweet song

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind

And the coca-cola company

I've got to learn to
maneuver this thing.

You know, the problem is,

I wanted toys in the attic,

But mary jo was hellbent

On whatever
happened to baby jane?

Julia, I can see you

In the joan crawford part.

Somehow, I cannot
imagine mary jo

In the bette davis role.

Let me tell you,

When she gets that wig on

And starts swinging
that cigarette,

It is pretty scary.

Hi, y'all.

Is allison back yet?

She and bernice
went to buy favors

For the big birthday
bash tonight.

I'm so excited.

Julia, if you don't come,

It's going to break
allison's heart.

We're coming, but mary
jo and I will be late.

We've a dress rehearsal.

Anthony, you're coming, right?

Carlene, I live there.

I know it's silly,

But it just means
so much to allison.

Can you imagine never
in your whole life

Having a birthday party

Or a slumber party?

That's like being
raised by wolves.

Thank goodness I've had the time

To be her consultant.

She didn't know about
freezing people's underwear.

I hate to say it,

But aunt trudy and uncle frank

Are very cold people.

They just went off
traveling around the globe

And left allison with servants,

Who, according to mother,

Didn't pay much
attention to her.

I guess that would
explain the weird bond

Between her and bernice.

Y'all watching?

They're just about to vote.

I tell you, this thing
is making me nuts.

We have a big rehearsal tonight.

If we stay mad about
clarence thomas and anita hill,

We'll never remember our lines.

Well, they were
selling them in the mall.

I am so mad about this.

I've never been so
mad about anything

In my whole life.

Look at this.

Alan simpson refers to this as

"This sexual harassment crap."

Nice talk, huh, from a
united states senator?

Wait a minute.
It's not over yet.

Let's see what happens.

I have a feeling

Anita had a little
crush on clarence.

Of course.

That's what they
want you to think.

First, she's a woman scorned.

After passing a lie
detector, she's nuts.

Senator john danforth
was on cnn this morning

Saying some psychiatrist
had come forth

And think that women
who accuse men

Of these kinds of things

Are delusional.

I tell you what I
think we ought to do.

I'll call up
mr. Senator danforth

And tell him...

That maybe some white male
aging senators are delusional

To think american women

Are going to continue
to re-elect them

When they get on tv
and say stuff like that.

It's busy.

That's all you ever get

When you call the senate.

And they say women
talk on the phone.

I hate to make you madder,

But the polls show
most american women

Believe clarence thomas.

Oh, come on, carlene.

The polls say, too, that
most women aren't feminists,

But if you ask most women

About individual
feminist issues,

The majority of
them are for them.

They just don't want to
call themselves feminists

Because bush and
phyllis schlafly

Want to make people believe

Feminists are all
these big-mouthed,

Bleeding heart,
man-hating women,

Who don't shave their legs.

I shave my legs,

And I'm a single parent,
a working mother,

And if believing in equal pay

And mandated child
care makes me a feminist,

Then I am damned
proud to be one!

Oh, pul-lease!

Honestly,

You and julia are
the worst losers

I've ever seen in my life.

Don't anybody
look in these bags.

These are the birthday
party favors for tonight.

We'll leave toilet paper
rolls all over town,

And, apparently, we're
going to shave something.

Allison, no, no, no.

We're hanging toilet
paper from trees

And use the shaving
cream to squirt people.

Oh!

She reminds me of this
foreign-exchange student

I went to high school with.

Her name was martina,
and she was so sad.

She used to wear those old
lady half-hose with hot pants.

Allison,

Where do you come
off calling us losers?

The vote hasn't been taken yet.

Julia, it's over.

Face it.

Clarence thomas is
going to get confirmed.

You're supposed to call
toby meyers from channel 9.

Already talked to him.

He wants to put me on tv.

They're doing professional women

And their reactions
to the hearings.

Sorry, girls.

They already picked
the losers to speak

For your side.

I don't know why
everyone's so worried

About this clarence thomas.

The person that needs our help

Is jimmy swaggart.

Apparently, he can't
even get to work

Without ending up
in prostitutes' row.

It must be hell
being in his car pool.

Now, look.

Their voting is pretty close.

Is that clarence thomas
actually talking right now?

This is a recap
of his testimony.

I think that he's
incredibly articulate.

I'd like to start by
saying unequivocally,

Uncategorically,

That I deny each and
every single allegation

Against me today...

This man doesn't belong
on the supreme court.

He belongs in the national
repertory theater.

I don't know what
all the fuss is about,

Even if these things did happen.

I have eaten at long
john silver's many times...

And I never found
a hair in my coke,

But...

Even so,

And if I had,

I wouldn't hesitate
to send it back,

And it wouldn't be
10 years later, either.

Thank you, bernice.

And I'll tell you another thing,

That anita bryant has
caused trouble before.

When she went out
against the h*m*.

Here she is trying
to ruin this man.

Bernice, that was anita bryant.

This is anita hill.

Oh. Well, I thought
anita bryant was white,

But they both have
the same hairdo.

You know what bothers
me about this whole thing?

Everyone has
gotten off the issue.

Is clarence thomas qualified

To be a supreme court justice?

All I know is,

The american bar association
voted him "barely qualified,"

And for the first
time in history,

Two committee members
voted "not qualified."

Now, I am a black law student.

I don't need 14
white men telling me

How remarkable it is

For him to pull himself
up from his roots,

But that does not a
supreme court justice make.

Now, what amazes me

Is how all those senators
let him make that speech

About how liberal groups are
persecuting him because he's black,

When it is painfully obvious

That that is the only
thing they liked about him.

I think you are all
incredibly naive.

You don't think the aclu

And the national
organization for women

And all those special
interest groups are behind this?

They're the ones who talked
anita hill into doing this.

Oh, right.

Wouldn't I have loved
being a fly on the wall

For that conversation.

"Miss hill, we know you're a
conservative law professor

"Out here in oklahoma.

"We're trying to get rid
of a supreme court nominee.

"Come to washington...
Bring your mom and dad...

"And just get on national tv

"And say something like...

"Well, if you could
give a little description

"Of a little p*rn film
called long dong silver

"And then graphically describe

"Judge thomas' private parts

"And top it off

"With a story about
pubic hair on a coke can.

"Oh, you do realize

"The penalty for
perjury is 20 years?

"Miss hill, what do you say?

What about it?"

Look at old ted kennedy.

After all his shenanigans,

How does he come off

Sitting in judgment
of clarence thomas?

What's that saying?

"I cried when I had no shoes

Until I saw a man who
couldn't keep his pants on."

Ted kennedy is the elected
senator from massachusetts.

If people don't like that,

Then should go there
and try to defeat him.

Well, I'm sorry,

But putting him in charge
of sexual harassment

Is like asking that dom deluise

To guard the dessert
bar at shawnee's.

I don't care what you say.

I think he's cute as he can be.

Yeah. I'll bet you think the
same about warren beatty,

Who apparently has had his way

With every woman
in america, except us.

Speak for yourself, julia.

I'll tell you the
person I can't stand

Is that bart simpson.

Bernice, I believe you
mean alan simpson.

Whatever.

You can just see

How he loves to say
those dirty words,

Him and that orly hatch.

Names just don't
mean that much to you,

Do they, bernice?

I'm sorry, but I
really do not care

To have a man go on and on

About the word penis...

Unless there's a good
plot that goes with it.

Well, I'm sorry,

But I'm going to have
to agree with allison.

How can y'all dismiss
all those women

Who worked for thomas
and thought he was great?

You know, I guess I
was sexually harassed

When I worked at ray
fladboe's ozark furniture.

Mr. Fladboe would
constantly ask me

To test out the beds with him,

See how much weight
they would hold.

We were lying around the
showroom window all the time.

People started
to talk, so I quit.

I think you all have
incredibly vivid imaginations.

You've never been
sexually harassed

In the workplace, allison?

I have never even had a
compliment in the workplace.

I don't see what the big deal is

If the guy next to you
says you have nice legs.

Clarence thomas
did not tell anita hill

She had nice legs.

It was more like
he had nice legs...

And a little something
extra to go with them.

What would you think if
anthony was always bragging

About his personal endowment?

Mary jo, for crying out loud!

I have wondered if
what they say is true.

This is the kind of
sexual harassment

I put up with around
here every day.

Yes, bernice, it is true.

Oh, anthony, what on earth?

You know we would
never sexually harass you.

Oh, no. You're
just always talking

About that certain
time of the month.

Mary jo made me feel those
fake breasts she had once.

Suzanne was always
making me wax her legs.

You're always making those vulgar
and rude remarks about rusty.

You mean, rusty thinks
we sexually harass him?

I imagine that he does.

Don't take my word for it.

Let's ask him.

I just remembered.

I was sexually harassed

When I worked at a bank.

My boss kept wanting me

To wear a two-piece
swimsuit into work,

Even though my job
was rolling dimes.

Rusty, my man, before you go,

I would just like for
you to tell these ladies

Exactly how it makes you feel

When they make fun of
your particular pants style.

I feel cheap and degraded,

Like a sex object.

And do you consider
this harassment?

Yes, I do.

Thank you, rusty.

You are very, very brave.

I realize how difficult

This must have been for you.

Thanks so much
for coming forward.

Hey, no problem, man.

Thanks for the sawbuck.

Well, I guess

We all could see the
pain on that man's face.

Here's what I don't understand.

This anita hill is an attorney
from yale law school,

And if clarence
thomas harassed her,

Why didn't she just report it?

It might be hard to report
him for sexual harassment

If he headed the department

That was supposed to prevent it.

Had she known
someplace to report it,

Why would she?

They're ridiculing her for
not coming forward then

And blasting her for
coming forward now.

They taught their
lesson very well.

What lesson is that?

The lesson that says,

"All men are created equal."

Apparently, they haven't
seen long dong silver.

They're about to
do the final vote.

The nomination of
clarence thomas of georgia

To be associate justice of the
united states supreme court,

Is hereby confirmed.

I guess that's that.

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That wasn't it.

You always stopped me.

You always stopped me
from trying to have friends...

Anything I ever wanted.

Not anymore, jane.

Really, not anymore.

Cut!

O.k., Let's try that again.

This time with a
little more warmth?

Don't worry about
my performance.

I can tone it down.

I'm not worried.

I'll bet a lot of
women in this country

Are madder tonight
than they've ever been.

Not just about clarence thomas,

But about, once again,

The old boys' network kicked in,

And we were sent packing.

I sure don't want to go to
that ridiculous slumber party.

I need to get rid of some
hostility before seeing allison.

How are you going to do that?

I don't know.

I may have to eat a buick.

I got an idea.

Let's keep on our costumes
and makeup all night.

Why?

I don't know.

It kind of makes me feel...

Like when I had those
big old fake breasts.

It makes me feel macho.

It's only fitting that
on this day of infamy,

We should stay dressed up as two

Of the toughest talking,
big-shouldered broads

Ever to live in this country.

What do you want to do?

We could terrorize some men.

Wasn't just men that
supported clarence thomas.

Oh, what the hell.

Let's terrorize everybody.

Maybe then we'll eat a buick.

Listen, allison, we're
almost all set up here.

O.k. Make sure you get a
sh*t of my birthday cake

And my friends.

I'll be talking about the
sexual harassment thing,

But I want people to
know it's my birthday.

Did you get a hat?

Yes. Thank you.

Oh, there you are.

Where have you two been?

Allison, we told you we
had our dress rehearsal.

O.k., Give me your underwear.

I got to put it in the freezer.

What for?

That's what people
do at slumber parties.

Get real, allison.

We're not giving
you our underwear.

Well, you have to. It's a rule.

Look, dearie,

We don't go by the rules.

We make them.

Why don't you run along
and get me some punch.

And that goes double for you.

I told you, you're supposed
to freeze their underwear

After they've gone to sleep.

I cannot believe this.

We've got miss joan crawford

And miss bette davis
at our bunking party.

Miss crawford, can
I get you anything?

Yes, a big batch of
wooden coat hangers.

O.k., Allison, we're ready.

Allison sugarbaker,
an atlanta designer,

Comes down on
clarence thomas' side

Of the sexual harassment
controversy. Allison...

Well, I think
that miss hill lied.

What if he did throw a
few bon mot her way?

I think miss hill
herself is attractive,

But the way some of
these feminists look,

They should be grateful for
any kind of attention they get.

Well, I'm sorry,

But we won!

And if you don't like it,

You can go have yourselves
a big brassiere bonfire.

And in conclusion...

Na, na, na, na, na!

Your time is up.

All we want is to be treated
with equality and respect.

Is that asking too much?

I don't mean to be
strident and overbearing,

But nice just doesn't
cut it anymore.

Like a lot of women out
there tonight, I'm mad.

I'm mad because we're
51% of the population

And only 2% of the
united states senate.

I'm mad because 406 men in
the house of representatives

Have a pool, a sauna, and a gym,

And we have six hair
driers and a ping-pong table.

I'm mad because in the seminole,
oklahoma police station,

There's a poster of a
naked woman that says,

"Women make bad cops."

I'm mad because we
scrub america's floors,

Wash the dishes,
have all the babies,

And commit very
little of the crime,

Still we only make 58
cents on the dollar.

I don't know about
the rest of you women,

But I don't give a damn anymore

If people think I'm a
feminist or a fruitcake!

What I'm going to
do is get into my car,

Drive to the centermost
point of the united states,

Climb the tallest tower,

And yell... "Hey,
don't get me wrong.

"We love you, but

Who the hell do you
men think you are?"

Cut and print.

Well, I think this is
the best slumber party

Anybody ever had,

Even though mary jo
and julia tried to ruin it.

Bernice, this is my last dance.

I got to go to bed.

Anthony, please don't leave me.

Those women are crazy.

Well, I'll tell you something.

Just as soon as joan
and bette fall asleep,

Those wigs are going
right in the freezer.

Well, I guess I blew it.

Mary jo shively goes berserk.
- 00.

Personally, I kind of liked it.

You would.

Well, joan, they're
playing our song.

Shall we dance?

I thought you'd never ask.

Who should lead?

Well, bette,

Considering who we are,

I think we both should.

None of us wants to discourage
women from coming forward

With charges of
sexual harassment.

"She was having a problem
with being rejected by men

She was attracted to."

And now I really
am getting stuff

Over the transom
about professor hill

I've got letters hanging
out my pockets, I've got faxes

Statements from
tulsa oklahoma saying...

Watch out

For this women

There is a specific disorder

Relating to how people
perceive authority figures

And possible sexual interest

By authority figures in them.

The testimony

Of professor hill in the morning

Was flat out perjury.

"America is the first
nation in history

"Founded on an idea,

"On the unshakable certainty

That all men are created equal."