06x10 - Julia and Rusty, Sittin' in a Tree

[bunniefuu]

♪ Georgia

♪ Oh, georgia

♪ The whole day through

♪ This old, sweet song

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind

♪ Oh oh

♪ Oh, georgia, now, my georgia

♪ Ah, you hear me, georgia

♪ No peace, no peace do I find

♪ This old, sweet song

♪ Keeps georgia on my mind

I thought that was pretty good.

D-o-b-b-e-r, carlene.

She's in your
american history class.

I just cannot understand
why she made a "d" on your test.

No, I'm not her parent.

I'm allison sugarbaker.

I'm the one who
loaned her the money

To attend your college,

And I certainly expected
something better

Than a "d."

All right. Goodbye.

Do you think it's a good idea

To keep calling up carlene's
teachers and complaining?

She's having a hard
enough time in college

Without your alienating
all her professors.

Julia, I'm not
alienating anyone.

I'm simply demanding
that carlene get her due.

I love carlene as
much as anybody,

But maybe carlene did
get her due and it was a "d."

Have you ever given any thought

To maybe you put too
much pressure on carlene?

She's taking 16 hours of college

And she's working
part-time here.

All right. Don't all pile on.

Here I am doing something
quite wonderful for carlene,

And all I get from you is abuse.

I think what you both
really need are... Dates.

I beg your pardon?

Well, it would
certainly make my life

A lot easier,

And you spend way too much time

Hanging around that sperm bank.

It's making you bitter.

Excuse me?

Well, you're always so uptight

About some little
cause or injustice.

What each of you needs

Is a real he-man in your life.

It would take your
mind off your problems.

Excuse me, allison,

I don't see myself as a
person riddled with problems.

Yeah, and I hardly hang
around the sperm banks.

And where do you get off

Advising us about men?

The closest encounter I've seen
you have recently with a male

Was when mary jo's
unsuspecting brother

Was out hunting in the woods

And you jumped him from behind.

Well, I am going
to check the mail,

But mark my words...

The way the two
of you are going,

You wouldn't know mr. Right

If you found him standing
on your doorstep.

Ohh!

Hi, rusty.

Hi, ms. Shively, ms. Sugarbaker.

I'm just going in the storeroom

And look at that fuse box.

Whoo! Hi, y'all.

Hi, anthony.

Umm!

Anthony, are you hurt?

No. I just came
back from bernice's.

She's been a little
lonely lately,

So I went over
there for breakfast.

She never wants me to leave,

And there's just so
many games of twister

A body can play.

Ms. Sugarbaker?

Yes, rusty?

The new breakers are in.

Thank you, rusty.

Rusty, are you all right?

You don't seem
quite yourself today.

It's just that, well,
tomorrow's my birthday,

And, I know it's going to
sound like the craziest idea,

But you only turn 40 once,

And I was thinking what an
incredible honor it would be

If you would have
dinner with me.

You're the classiest,
most impressive person

I've ever met,

And that's how
I'd like to kick off

The second half of my life,

By having dinner with
somebody like that,

Or you if you're available.

Anyway, you wouldn't
have to worry.

I'm not a weirdo or anything.

I wouldn't become
obsessed with you

And try to k*ll you afterward.

Well, that's a relief,

And it certainly makes
your offer more attractive.

However, I have a rule about
dating people in the workplace.

Oh, I'm sorry. Just forget it.

I was way out of line.

As I said, I have a rule

About people dating
in the workplace...

And that rule is...

Never go, unless it's a one-time,
non-romantic dinner date

Involving one participant
who happens to be turning 40.

Really?

You mean it?

Mm-hmm.

You just call me up
with the details, o.k.?

So we'll say tomorrow,
about 7:00-ish?

All right!

7:00-Ish.

Well, my, don't you look nice.

Where are you off to?

I'm just having
dinner with a friend.

Why don't you all just go on?

I'll finish up here.

So... You took my advice
and got yourself a date, huh?

Who is he, julia?

Mary jo, no one in particular.

Just a friend who's
having a birthday.

Can't wait to see him.

Good evening, julia.

Ladies. Anthony.

Hey, rusty.

I trust I'm not
ahead of schedule,

But our limo driver's a
little overly-zealous.

Don't worry. I'll
just get my bag.

May I say, you're
looking lovelier

Than you've ever
looked this evening.

Thank you, rusty.

Well, good night, all.

Good night. Night.

I almost forgot...

Don't wait up.

I haven't seen la
boheme in ages.

What a treat.

Some of that autobiographical.

When puccini was
a student in milan,

He lived the life of the
poor bohemian artist.

He even pawned a
coat like colline.

He did it to take a ballet
dancer out on the town.

I can understand that...

Pawning something you love

To have a really
wonderful evening

With a really beautiful woman.

By the way, I want you to know,

The reason my pants slide down

Is because my
tool belt is heavy.

It's an occupational hazard.

I see.

I hear you ladies talk
about it all the time,

And I didn't want you to think

That I was flirting
with you or something.

Well, let me put
your mind at ease.

We didn't think that.

You know, this is
the perfect birthday

For an italian guy.

See a great italian opera,

Have great italian food,

And sitting across
the table from me

Is a beautiful, dark-haired,
dark-eyed woman

Who's laughing.

How could it be more perfect?

Happy birthday, rusty,

Or should I say buon compleano?

Ohh! That did it.

I feel like making a toast

My daddy used to make.

Oh, maybe I shouldn't.

Go ahead. You're among friends.

Well, o.k.

Here goes.

Here's to those
who wish us well,

And those who
don't can go to hell.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

So, you want to go
out with me again?

Here she comes! Here she comes!

♪ Julia and rusty,
sittin' in a tree

♪ K-i-s-s-i-n-g

♪ First comes love

♪ Then comes marriage

♪ Then comes julia
with a baby carriage

Good morning, anthony.

Good morning, julia.

The only reason I participated

Was because they
needed a baritone.

Well, you all are silly.

She has a special,
electrical glow

About her this
morning, don't you think?

Julia, will you be
seeing more of rusty?

Not that there's
much more to see.

There is absolutely
nothing romantic

Going on between rusty and me.

Julia, julia, julia...

We believe you.

I just hope you're
not going to start

Wearing your pants like that.

O.k., Mary jo,

Last night I found out

That rusty is an interesting
and charming man,

And I don't appreciate

Y'all making him the
butt of your jokes.

Well, would anyone like

To bat that one out of the park?

So, julia, are you
trying to tell us

That you actually are
interested in rusty?

Of course not.

Well, I may go out
with him one more time,

But he kind of
caught me off guard.

He was having such a good time.

I didn't want to
hurt his feelings.

So you are actually
kind of dating rusty.

That's right.

After all, she is going
out with him again.

It's like I said...

"Sitting in a
tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g."

Stop it.

I am not dating rusty.

I am going with him
wednesday night

To the old state drive-in,

Which they have refurbished.

There is a foreign
film festival.

His friend is coming.

I was hoping mary
jo would go, too.

Thanks, but you remember
that plaque-fighting kit

I got for the dog?

It's time for a follow-up.

Well, frankly, I had thought

It might relieve some of
the awkwardness for me,

And I did spend last weekend

Sitting in the wet georgia woods

Because you asked
me to do you a favor,

But don't let that
influence you.

So what does this
guy do, fix toasters?

No. He's a plumber.

His name is dave.

Oh, sounds promising.

O.k., O.k., I'll go.

But if this guy turns
out to be a jerk,

I'm in the nearest cab.

That's going to be
hard at the drive-in.

Just watch me. I'm
taking my porta-phone.

I'm past 30.

I don't have to put up
with any crap anymore.

Oh, y'all are never going
to believe what's happened.

Carlene, where have you been?

You know we're
supposed to be studying.

Where's your book bag?

Oh, my gosh. I got so excited,

I left it at the student union.

We're just going to
have to go back and get it.

Y'all, I met the cutest guy.

He's taking 16 hours, too,

And he manages a restaurant.

We got a date wednesday night.

Wednesday night?

Carlene, that's the
night before your exam.

We went through all
that last night, till 3 a.m.

That's right,

And we're going to
have to review it again.

Then you'll have to
come on my date with me.

Actually, he did
ask if I had a friend.

He needs to fix up his roommate.

I don't care who comes along,

As long as they
understand we have to work.

Where are we going?

He said I could decide.

Great. We'll go to
the drive-in with them.

You'll sit in back with me.

I don't want to sit with you.

I don't care, carlene.

We have work to do.

And besides,

At intermission, you
go with your friends

And enjoy the
playground facilities.

Allison, you are
not the boss of me.

Well, that's right, carlene,

But aren't you the recipient

Of the 1991 allison
sugarbaker scholarship?

Yes.

Well, then I think it might
serve your interests

If you were a little
bit more grateful.

After all, I wish I had someone

To show me this much
love and attention

When I was in school.

My parents were
always in europe.

I'm sure that must
have been tough on you.

But if you had to go to europe,

I would understand.

Y'all are going to
the drive-in, too?

That's correct.

With who?

Rusty and dave.

We're going with
dennis and donnie.

Who's your date with, anthony?

Actually, carlene, I
have a date with bernice.

All right, all right.

Everybody, just stay
calm and get back.

I'm going to give this man

Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Don't start that again.

What are those knee pads for?

If you must know,

It gives an illusion
of bigger knees.

That's the last of my
beauty secrets I'm revealing.

Julia, I'm sorry we're late.

We had to pick
up dave's laundry.

Unfortunately, it wasn't ready.

What? Is there a problem?

Excuse me, rusty, but
I know how to dress.

Which one is mine?

That's her right there.

Hello, 911?

Why don't you
two wait in the car?

We'll be right out.

You got it.

Let's go, dave.

What did I say? What?

You didn't say nothing. Just go.

Julia, no way am I
going out with a man

Who looks like he's smuggling

Furry animals under his shirt.

I know this isn't the date
or shirt of your dreams.

In fact, it's a repulsive shirt.

But they're here,

And we'll have to overlook it.

Why would anyone
wear a shirt like that

Who is covered with hair?

Well, I feel if dave were here,

His answer would
be something like,

"What? What?"

Very funny, allison.

I hope you're just as amused

When you meet your date.

Hey, carlene, look.

I got you some more free
game cards from ardee's.

It's o.k., 'Cause
I'm the manager.

Wow, I'm going to be
scratching all night.

Say, I'd like some of those.

Hey, donnie, this is your date.

You're bogus, man.

Actually, she's my date.

Do you boys have a
problem with that?

No, sir. No, sir.

Allison, this is
your date donnie.

Carlene, how old are these boys?

I don't know. Why?

Because I prefer not
to get arrested tonight.

You should count
your blessings, allison.

At least he doesn't have hair
peeking out of every porthole.

You look hot.

Do y'all have to wear
those paper hats?

Yes. We're not allowed to alter

Or abbreviate in any way

The ardee's ensemble.

Oh.

Well, why don't you
boys wait outside, too?

We'll be along in a minute.

O.k.

Boy, mine's really old.

Well, I guess that takes care

Of laughing at my date.

Personally, I feel

Like the luckiest
girl at the prom.

I really like
these french films.

I think the fling's over

And philippe should
go back to his wife...

If that's what you think.

Sorry. I don't much
care what philippe does.

I do wish francoise
would stop pouting

And put her shirt back on.

I enjoy the french culture.

Number one... The way I kiss.

Number two... I don't
use deodorant either.

Oh, but don't worry.
I do use cologne.

Yeah.

I see. Well, what,

Do you just wait
till the b.o. Builds up,

Then slap some cologne on

And let the two
of them duke it out?

Nice.

These milk duds are stale.

What's wrong, dude?
Did you get a dud dud?

Ha ha! Oh.

Oh, I tell you, my
jets are fired tonight.

♪ Black man, black man, where...

Bernice, don't start that again.

That philippe sure does
have lots of energy.

Must be all that espresso.

Philippe's a wuss.

All frenchmen are wusses.

Vo de tweet en twah.

I love you, mon cheri. Pooh!

Woo woo.

Pooh pooh.

Would you like one of these?

I don't know. What is it?

An old family tradition.

Somehow, it just wasn't a trip to
the drive-in without vodka stingers.

Oh, my. That car
must really be hot,

The one mary jo
and junior are in.

Mary jo keeps rolling down the
window and hanging her head out.

You know, as long as
we're being candid here,

I'm just curious. Uh,
what possesses a person

To buy a see-through shirt?

Mary jo!

I mean no offense.

I just think somebody
should tell people,

Like ferdinand marcos
in the philippines?

Somebody should've
gone and said,

"You're the country's president,

Your wife has
5,000 pairs of shoes,

And we can see your nipples.

Mary jo!

Let her go, let
her go. I love it.

Ha ha!

The battle of shiloh.

April 6, 1862.

The battle of chickamauga.

Carlene, that's enough.

Can't we take a break?

Absolutely not.

Turn around.

You're just mad 'cause
we undid your bra.

Crawl up on this back again,

And I'll call your mother.

And stop throwing
raisinettes at me.

Dennis, you know the
definition of a bra?

Over-the-shoulder
boulder-holder.

You guys are gross.

What's the name of this movie?

Au revoir, mes pantalons.

What the hell's that mean?

Never mind.

No, really. Tell me.

Never mind.

Oh, come on. Say it.

All right! Goodbye, my pants!

Hey, allison. Where you going?

I'm looking for the
juvenile authorities

So I can report these
pubescents from hell.

Hang in there. The guy in
the concession stand says

Philippe finds his
pants in the third act.

Help me! Oh, my word!

Help me!

I'm choking on a dud.

Mary jo! Julia!

Carlene! Allison! A dud's
got me by the throat!

Help me!

Boy, I bailed your
butts out of a sling

With that phony dud emergency.

And thank goodness you did.

I could have not taken
that date one more minute.

Dennis and donnie seemed
much more mature in class.

A paper hat takes
years off a man's age.

Oh, julia. There you are.

Hi, rusty.

Are you feeling better now?

Oh, yes. Thank you, young man.

Heart att*ck! Heart att*ck!

Bernice, that isn't necessary.

O.k. I was just trying
to save your butt again.

These are to say I'm sorry
for the way things turned out.

Thanks. Allison, would you
put these in water for me?

Whoa. They smell like bus fumes.

I bought them at a freeway exit.

Oh... O.k.

You know, rusty, it
really isn't necessary

To apologize for this evening.

Just wasn't... Meant to be.

I know that. But, hey...

I'll always have
that special birthday,

And for a few days, I
walked a little taller,

My back was a little straighter,

And for a few golden days,

My pants were a little higher.

I noticed.

Good night... Mrs. Sugarbaker.

Good night, rusty.

How quickly love fades.