07x05 - It's All in the Game

[bunniefuu]

(Humming)

(Humming)

I Don't Want To Go In Yet.

I Don't Want To.

I Can't.

This Weekend Was Lovely.

Yes.

Vermont Is So Beautiful.

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes.

And I've Never Seen You Frolic
In The Woods That Way.

Well, My Lady,
'Twas Not The Woods

That Brought The Frolic
Out Of Me.

And How Hath I Inspired
Thou Thus, My Liege?

Details, I Want Details.

Thou Hast A Beauty Of Lips
And A Body So Firm

That It Raises
The Very Potency Of Myself.

I Know,
Hence Our Five Children.

You Would Have
To Bring That Up.

But Not For Long.

For We Go Inside.

Oh, Cliff, Would That
This Day Might Never End.

Carry On.

Bring The Leaves
Of Life With You.

(Kissing Sound)

Oh, Hey, Dad.

Hey, Ma.

Well, Hello, Theo.

Son, Why Are You Robbing Us?

No, I'm Not Robbing You.

I'm Borrowing This
For My Apartment.

You Said I Could.

When?

Last Week.

I Told You The Light
In My Bedroom Was Bad.

You Said I Should
Do Something About It.

That Didn't Mean Go Upstairs
And Steal My Lamp.

It Meant For You
To Get A Brighter Bulb.
That's All You Had To Do.

So Can I Have The Lamp?

How Are You Going
To Get That To Your Apartment?

Can I Borrow
The Station Wagon Too?

Vanessa Has
The Station Wagon, Theo.

She Took It To The Library.

I'm Not In A Rush.

I'll Make A Sandwich.

Want Something?

No, Thank You.

Help Yourself.

Hi, Mom!

(Kissing Sounds)

Oh, Rudy, Hello.

Hi, Dad.

How Are You Doing?

Come Sit Down.

Hi, Mom.

Did You Have Fun?

Well, Yeah, I Did.

Sit Down Right Here.

I Just Need Your Signature

Right Here On
This Permission Slip.

It's For After-School Sports.

What Is This For?

Figure Skating.

How Much Is It For?

For This You Get Everything.

You Get Your Skates

You Get Your Lessons
Two Times A Week

The Rental Of The Rink, Plus,
You Get A Very Neat Skirt.

For?

$ . Please, Please.

Just Let Me Do This.

Don't You Know Any Free Sports
At That School?

Dad, I Have To Have This In
By Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

It Has To Be In Tomorrow

So You Wouldn't Give Us Much
Time To Think About It Today.

Well, I Guess I Forgot.

We're Not Going To Be
Rushed Into Anything

Because You Forgot.

That Look Doesn't Mean
Anything To Me.

Thank You, Dad.

Thank You, Mom.

Yes!

I Got It!

(High Voice:)
Clair, Can I Have $ ,

So I Can Go Windsurfing
In Tahiti Please?

(High Voice:)
Thank You, Thank You.

Cliff:
Yes, Yes, Yes.

Clair:
I Love You So Much.

Excuse Me,
Didn't Mean To Interrupt

But Do You Guys Need This Hose?

No, No, No, You Go Ahead
And Take That.

We Can Spit
On Our Plants.

Cool. Thanks.

(Thumping)

(Thumping Continues)

What Is That?

Sounds Like
The Washing Machine.

That Machine Is Brand-New.

Whoa!

All I Did Was
Put One Load In Here.

Oh, No, My Pants.

Oh, Look At This.

I Can't Wear These
Anymore, Mom.

Who Cares About Your Pants?

What About My Machine?

What Is This?

Broken Crayons.

Oh...

Olivia?

See, Mom, The Problem

Is You Got Too Many Kids
Living In This House.

(Clanging Sound)

Who's In The Basement?

I Said, Who's In The Basement?

(Gruff Voice:)
It's Me.

(Normal Voice:)
Oh, Mr. Ghost, How Are You?

What Are You Doing Down Here?

(Gruff Voice:)
I've Come To Eat Up
Some Little Children.

You Know I Love
To Eat Up Little Children.

(Normal Voice:)
Well, Help Yourself.

I Don't Think
Any Are Down Here, Mr. Ghost.

(Gruff Voice:)
I Saw One.

I'm Going To Eat Her!

(Yelling)

Olivia

My Mom Said She Found These
Crayons In The Washing Machine.

Are They Yours?

They Were, But The Machine
Wrecked Them.

Young Lady, You Know

You're Not Supposed
To Touch Any Machines

And Why Were You
Washing These Crayons?

Because They Were Dirty

And The Lady Said
They Were Washable.

(Humming)

(Humming)

♪ What Are You Doing? ♪

I'm Making You
Look Like Vermont

So We Can Remember
Our Frolic In The Woods.

You Know The Last Time

You Put The Leaves
In My Hair What Happened.

Yes, I Know.

Well, What You
Waiting For?

Cliff:
Gotcha, Gotcha,
Gotcha, Gotcha.

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

So How Was Vermont?

It Was Lovely.

You Had A Good Time?

Sure Did, Thank You.

How Was Everything

At The Library?

Oh, It Was Great.

I Finished My Studying.

Give Me The Car Keys.

Why?

Because It's My Car.

Now Where Did You Park?

Out Front?

Yea...Yeah.

I Have To Get Something

Out Of My Glove Compartment.

Let Me Do That For You.

I Don't Want The Neighbors

To See You Looking
Like The Forest.

(Mock Laughter)

Mom, You Know

I'm So Glad You And Dad
Got A Chance To Get Away.

You Should Get Away
More Often.

You Look So Relaxed.

What Did You Do?

What Happened?

I Was Making A Right Turn.

I Signaled.

I Had Both Hands On The Wheel.

So What?

All Of A Sudden

The Back Of This Car
Just Hits Me.

So The Guy Backed Into You

While You Were
Making The Turn?

Well... No.

No, He Wasn't Backing Up.

What Was He Doing?

He Was Getting His Prescription
In A Drug Store.

So There Was No One
In The Car?

There Was No One In The Car,
But I Thought It Was Moving.

So What Happened Was You Were
Negotiating A Right Turn

And You Hit A Parked Car.

Isn't That What Happened?

Why Didn't You Just
Say That To Me, Dear?

Doesn't Anyone Care
If I'm All Right Or Not?

When Rudy Gets Her
Driver's License

We're Going
To The Salvage Dump

And Pick Out The Worst
Bash-Smash Looking Thing

That Still Runs

And We're Going
To Let Her Drive It.

If Anybody Hits Her,
It Will Be An Improvement.

I Know How You Feel, Dad.

(Cliff Laughing)

No, You Don't.

I Can Appreciate The Pressures
You Both Are Under.

If You Ask Me, I Think
You're Doing A Bang-Up Job.

Theo, Shut Up.

You Don't Give Us Enough Credit
For Understanding You.

When Have You Understood Us,
And What Have You Understood?

You, Who Are
Beyond Understanding--

I Don't Understand You.

How Could You Possibly
Understand Me?

See What I Mean?

Let Me Ask You.

Suppose You're A Father
And Your Daughter

Runs Into The Back Of A Car
And Does Not Tell You.

First Of All, It's Not Like

She Drove Around
Looking For An Accident.

I Would Try To Be Understanding

And Not Make
A Big Deal Out Of It.

She Never Told Me.

She Let Me Find This--

Hoping Perhaps
I'd Go Crazy And Say

"Hmm, Even Though
I Haven't Been In The Car

I Must Have Wrecked It."

What's Going On?

We're Having
A Hypothetical

Reality Debate
On Understanding Parents.

Let Me Ask You A Question.

Suppose Your Daughter
Came To You And Said

"I Want To Take
Ice-Skating Lessons Please.

Maybe I Can Go
To The Olympics."

Would You Sign
The Permission Slip?

Yeah.

What's Wrong With That?

Oh, Nothing Wrong With It

Except You Become More
Involved Than The Child.

You, The Child And The Mother

Go Out And Watch
The Little Wobbly Legs.

She Skates And Falls,
And We Go, "My Goodness.

I Hope She Makes It."

As We Get Caught Up In This

One Day She Says, "I Don't
Want To Skate Anymore."

That's The Problem
With Girls.

They're So Demanding.

What?!

Do You Recall
Little League?

I Loved Every
Minute Of It.

Youloved Every
Minute Of It.

First Of All,
Your Mother And I

Went Out And Paid
For The Whole Uniform

Bought You Name Spikes.

Cost Us $ .

You Went Out
And You Practiced.

We Watched The Ball
Hit You In The Face

Watched The Ball
Hit You In The Back.

A Couple Of Times,
We Watched You Say

As The Ball Went Past You,
"What's The Big Deal?"

And Finally,
The Big Game.

And We Watched The Game.

The Final Score Was To .

And Between
The Two Teams

There Was Three Hits,
Errors, Walks

Three Kids Were Beaned

And We Had To Wait

Two Hours For One Kid
To Stop Crying.

The Game Was Busted Open
By A Grand-Slam Bunt.

So It Took
A Little Time.

What's The Big Deal?

Right, No Big Deal.

There's The Key.

You Guys Always Say
Things Like "No Big Deal."

Some Of The Greatest Lies
Ever Told By Your Kids:

"No Big Deal."

"I Forgot."

"I'll Pay You Back Later."

"It Was Like That
When I Found It."

"I Swear, Mom, Dad, It Was
Like That When I Found It."

Mom, Dad, I Just Want To Say
That I'm Really Sorry.

Please Add That
To The List.

Cliff:
The Other One
That's Key--

"What Are You
Doing Home So Early?"

What's Going On?

They're Complaining
About Being Parents.

Again.

How About Getting
In The Car

And Discovering
Your Daughter's

Understanding Of "Empty"
Means Mom Will Fill It Up?

How About Leaving
The Car Radio On

And Giving Us A Heart att*ck?

You Left It
Up So Loud

Your Mother's Hair
Went Straight Up

Like This.

As If You Don't Do
Bad Things To Us.

Clair:
We Only Ask

You To Hang Up Your Clothes
Before They Take Root.

That's It?

That's All?!

We're Not Being Paid
To Look After You.

There's Not A Check Big Enough.

Here We Go Now.

Watch My Back.

Bet-- You're Five Years Old

And Your Parents
Have Taught You That Song

"Under The Boardwalk."

Your Parents Think

You Sing That
So Beautifully

They Want You To Sing It
Every Time Company Comes.

Yes, Yes.

Let Me Ask You--
How Do You Tell Your Parents

That You Hate Singing

In Front Of A Group
Of Old, Smiling People

And That You Hate That Song,
"Under The Boardwalk"?

You Open Your Mouth
And Say It.

No. I Tried That.

I Said, "Dad, I Don't Like
Singing This Song."

He Said, "Don't Worry, Son.

"My Son Sings And Dances Too.

Go Ahead, Boy, Take It Away."

Just Like That Too.

That's Because
You Don't Know

How Cute You Were
When You Sang It.

They Used To Make Me
Sing "Easter Parade."

Please Don't Sing
"Easter Parade."

Dad?

Huh?

How About You Have A Date
With A Guy

That You Really, Really Like?

Tell Him, Denise.

He Comes
To Pick You Up

And Your Father Insists
On Meeting Him.

What Does He Do?

He Takes The Guy
Into The Kitchen...

Have A Little Talk.

Have A Little Talk

With Your Four-Foot
Buck Kn*fe.

Vanessa:
Yes!

You Took Jeremy
Into That Kitchen

Put Two Apples
On Top Of Each Other

Said That Was Us

Took One Of The Apples,
Skinned It

And Said That Was Him.

I Haven't Heard
From Him Since.

And When You Went Out,
He Didn't Put His Hands On You

Did He?

I Have Got
The Ultimate One.

All Your Stories.

All What Stories?

Stories We Found Out
Are Not True.

Rudy:
From Grandpa.

From Who?

All:
Grandpa.

You're Going To Believe
A Man That Age?

How Come Every Single Time
One Of Us Came To You For Money

You Started
Talking About The Story?

When I Was
Seven Years Old

I Had To Wake Up
At : Every Morning.

Without
An Alarm Clock.

Couldn't Afford
An Alarm Clock.

Had To Get Out
And Deliver Newspapers.

But You Always

Have To Brush
Your Teeth First.

Didn't Have Money
For A Toothbrush

So I Had To Get...

Some Bark,
I Believe.

A Sassafras Root.

(Kids Agreeing)

I Had No Running Water

So We Had To Get
A Handful Of Snow.

Denise:
It Was Winter

Days Of The Year.

All:
And Every Day,
The Snow Came Up To Here.

I Went To Milk The Cow.

I Had No Bucket.

No Shoes Either.

I Squirt The Milk
In The Palm Of My Hand.

And I Had To Hop

All:
Three Miles To The House.

With No Shoes.

On One Foot

All:
To Keep The Other Foot Warm.

I Ended Up Hopping

All:
From House To House.

Only Made About
Seven Cents A Month.

All:
Gave Five Cents To My Parents

Kept Two Cents To Myself

And That's How I Bought
My First Car.

(Cackling Laughter)

I'm Sorry, Cliff

But You Do
Tell Those Stories.

Well, At Least I Can Drive.

Are You Still Mad At Me?

Yes.

I Didn't Mean
To Break The Machine.

You Did Something
You Were Not Supposed To Do.

You're Not Supposed
To Touch The Machines.

I'm Sorry.

I'll Pay For It.

That Machine Cost

About Two Skillion Dollars.

That's A Lot Of Money.

And Then Another Three Skillion
To Have It Repaired.

(No Audio)

That's Five
Skillion Dollars!

How Are You

Going To Pay For It?

I'll Save My Allowance.

You Will?

Yes.

How Much Money
Do You Get A Week?

Eight Kabillion.

(Blowing Raspberries)