07x06 - Getting the Story

[bunniefuu]

Make Sure You Zoom In
On Mom's Face, Okay?

Now We're Going
To Come Around Here.

Come On. You Got It?

Come On, Down.

What Are You Guys Doing?

A Social Studies
Project.

We Have To Videotape

A Day On The Job
With A Parent.

What Do You Want Me To Say?

Actually, Dad,
We Figured

That A Lawyer
Would Be More Interesting

Than A Doctor.

Criminals Are More Interesting
Than Babies.

The Best Video Will Be Shown
In The School Assembly.

The Winner
Gets A Certificate

Anda Trophy.

Have You Asked Your Mother?

She Said Yes.

Okay.

I Want To Be On Tv.

No, Not Now, Olivia.

How About If I Sing?

Olivia, Come On.

No, No, No, No, Olivia.

Dad Wants You
In The Kitchen.

Kenny:
All Right...

(Mumbling:)
They Don't Want Me
In Their Movie.

What's The Matter?

Rudy And Kenny
Won't Let Me Be In Their Video.

Join The Club.

They Won't Let Me In Either.

But I Can Sing.

Yes.

And I Was All Prepared
To Tell Jokes And Be Funny.

I Can Tell Jokes
Better Than You.

I Beg Your Pardon?

Your Jokes Are For Old People.

My Jokes Are For Little Kids.

When You Tell A Joke,
Nobody Laughs, Except...

You.

Thank You.

(Singing Off-Key:)
♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's So Nice To Have You Back
Where You Belong. ♪

That's Why They Won't
Let You On.

Because You Can't
Hit Those Notes Properly.

If You Sing
In Another Key...

Get A Lower Key.

Go On Back.

Show You What I Mean.

(Sings Intro)

(Singing Lower:)
♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's So Nice To Have You Back
Where You Belong. ♪

Yeah, See,
You're Straining.

That Key
Is Too High For You.

Lower.

Lower.

Lower?

Lower.

Lower.

There You Go.

(Singing Lower:)
♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Well, Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's So Nice To Have You Back
Where You Belong. ♪

Lower.

Lower.

Lower.

Lower.

Hit It.

(Low And Growling:)♪ You're Looking Good, Dolly ♪

♪ I Can Tell, Dolly ♪

♪ You're Still Growing... ♪

In Seconds

Attorney Huxtable
Will Race Down These Stairs

To Defend Her Clients.

Good Morning.

(Chuckling)

Cut, Cut, Cut.

Mom, Do You Think
You Could Do That Differently?

Do What?

Race Down The Stairs

Grab Your Briefcase,
And sh**t Out The Door

Like Your Skirt's On Fire.

Better Yet

We'll Throw You
Your Briefcase.

Why Would I Do That?

We're Trying
To Make It Exciting.

Yeah, Like On Tv.

Every Time
There's A Video To Make

I Have To Be Batgirl.

Theo Wanted Me
To Hang From A Chandelier.

Vanessa Wanted Me To Somersault
Through The Kitchen

And End Up In A f*ring Pose.

I Don't Think So, Honey.

I'm Not Batgirl,
I'm Not Mrs. Rambo.

I Am Mrs. Clair Huxtable,
Attorney At Law.

Got It?

Yes.
Yes.

Shall We Go?

Yes.
Yes.

Well, I Guess Asking Her

To Roll Over
The Hood Of The Car

Is Out.

This Office Is Perfect.

Looks Very Official.

This Is Where
All The Action Happens.

My Mom Is A Hot Lawyer.

All Right,
Let's See Some Criminals.

Yeah.

Have A Seat, Mr. Parker.

Mrs. Huxtable
Will Be Right With You.

Thank You.

Hi.
Hi.

George, I Told You

About My Daughter, Rudy,
And Her Friend, Kenny?

Oh, Sure.

Have A Seat.

Go Ahead, Children.

Mrs. Huxtable's
First Client Of The Day--

Mr. George Parker.

He May Even Be A Criminal.

There It Is.

Oh, Good.

Well?

I Feel Great.

Thanks.

Thank You.

Have A Nice Day.

That Was It?

What You Saw Was The End
Of A Very Complicated Case.

His Patent Was Violated.

Fortunately, We Didn't
Have To Go To Court.

Don't You
Want To Go To Court?

No Offense

But You'll Never Be
As Big As Perry Mason.

Let's Hope Not.

Don't Worry.

We Won't Let Anyone
Gobble You Up.

All Right.

Bye.

That Was A Client

Trying To Avoid
A Hostile Takeover.

Is That Like A Kidnapping?

In A Way, Yeah.

Roll Tape.

Wait A Minute.

It Takes Place On Paper.

To Take Over
A Company

One Buys As Much Stock
As Possible

To Control
The Organization.

Do They Use g*ns?

Cut.

Kenny, Law Can Be
Exciting Without g*ns.

I Know, But They Help.

I Think I Have Just The Thing
That Will Interest You.

It's Called
"Trademark Infringement."

Start Your Camera

And I Will Explain
Trademark Infringement.

In Horndecker V. Horndecker

Two Brothers
Own A Popcorn Company.

They Have A Disagreement
And Decide...

...Even Though Paul
Is Chairman Of The Board

Harry Refined
The Popcorn Recipe

And Therefore Is Entitled
To Use The Name.

What A World, Huh?

Oh, Yeah.

(Knocking)

Come In.

Excuse Me.

Am I Interrupting?

No, Steve.

Rudy And Kenny
Are Making A Video

For A Class Project,
And I'm The Subject.

Rudy, You Remember
Mr. Parnell

Our Senior Partner.

Hello.

I'll Bet You Kids
Don't Realize

How Funny Law Can Be.

Roll Them.

This Is About The Martindale
Stock Merger.

I Heard You Won That
Hands Down.

The Best Part

Was The Defense Counsel's
Personal Appeal To The Judge.

And I Quote:

"Your Honor, You Restrained Us
From Issuing Stock

"You've Frozen Our Assets

"You've Stripped Us Bare.

All We Have Left Is Our Torts."

I'm Going To File Papers.

Would You Like To Film That?

No, Thank You.

Okay.

I'll Be Right Back.

(Door Opens)

(Door Closes)

Rudy, We're In Trouble.

We Can Kiss That Trophy
Good-Bye.

The Trophy d*ed
With The Short-Tort Joke.

Joanne, I Can't Believe This.

Oh, I'm Telling You.

He Plows Into Me

And Takes Off
At Miles An Hour.

Naturally,
I Went After Him.

You Remember
My Daughter Rudy.

This Is Her Friend Kenny.

Kenny, Could Joanne
Have This Seat, Please?

Thank You.

I Follow Him For Blocks.

I Finally Catch Up To Him

When He Crashes
Into A Fire Hydrant.

Hi.

Water Is Spouting Everywhere.

I Jump Out,
Drag Him Out Of The Car.

I Have Whiplash,
And He'ssuing Mefor as*ault.

That's Outrageous.

That's What I Think.

I Won't Stand For This.

And You Shouldn't.

That's Right.

Okay.

I'll See You Later.

Bye.

Whoa!

Congratulations, Mom.

That's A Great Case.

What Are You Talking About?

Joanne Is My Law Clerk,
Not A Client.

But She Needs Your Help.

You Will Defend Her?

That Man Broke Her Neck

And Now
He's Suing Her.

You Got To Defend Her.

It's Better
Than Popcorn.

I Don't Practice
That Kind Of Law.

If She Went To Simmons,
He'd Be Happy To Represent Her.

Give Simmons
The Popcorn Case.

You Can Take Joanne's Case,
And We Can Re-Create The Crime.

What Crime?

The Maniac

Bashes Her With His Car

She Chases Him
And Beats Him Up.

You Are Not
Going To Re-Create Any Crime.

We've Stayed
All Morning

And Have Nothing.

You Have A Lot
Of Interesting Things.

You Have Trademark Infringement,
Hostile Takeover

You Have Stock Mergers.

None Of That
Has Action In It.

Everything Doesn't
Have To Have Action

And I Won't Fake Anything

To Provide
A Phony Sense Of Drama

For Your Video.

Would You Like
To Hear About

One Of My Many Action-Packed
Tax Evasion Cases?

Fine, Mom.

I'll Get My Files,
And I'll Be Right Back.

(Door Opens)

(Door Closes)

We're Dead.

Yeah.

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Za Da Da Bo Pa Doo... ♪

Mm, Chocolate.

Well, How Did The Taping Go?

Oh, Really?

Hi, Dad.

How Are You Doing?

How Did The Videotaping Go?

Did You Put It All Together?

What's To Put Together?

Ooh...

Somebody Is Angry With You.

Mm-Mm-Mm.

I Try Not To Get The Children
Angry With Me, Boy.

I Don't Care If Rudy
Is Angry With Me.

I Don't Like It When
The Children Get Angry With Me.

Oh, They Just Give You Looks.

Makes You Kind Of Frightened.

Makes You Feel Like You
Don't Want To Sleep At Night.

An -Year-Old
Angry With You

Come In Your Room, Hit You With
An Apple Or Something.

Well, I Guess I'll Go In
And Talk To Her.

But I'm Not Afraid Of Her.

I Just Don't Want To Upset Her.

Dad, We're In Trouble.

Not We, I'm Not In Trouble.

Your Mother Loves Me.

Her Cases Are Boring.

When A Fun One Came In With
A Car Chase, A Broken Neck

And Good Stuff,
She Gave It Away.

We Turn This In Soon

And We Don't
Have Anything.

Well, I'm Sorry That You Happen
To Have Two Boring Parents.

(Phone Rings)

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Arroyo,
How Far Apart Are They?

Okay, You Guys Head For
The Hospital.

This Is It.

Yeah, I'll Meet You There.

I'm On My Way.

I Have To Go Over To
The Boring Hospital

And Deliver A Boring Baby.

Can We Come?

Yeah, I'd Love To Film

A Baby Being Born.

No, No, You Can't Go.

You Can't Go In
The Delivery Room.

Can We Come Anyway?

Look, If You're Thinking About
Taping Something

You sh**t The Front Of
The Building

And The Waiting Room,
And That's It.

We'll Take It.

Okay, But All You'll
Be Able To Tape

Is Outside Of The Hospital
And The Waiting Room.

I'll Get The Car And Meet You
Around Front.

Why Do You Want To Sit In
The Boring Waiting Room?

We Won't Get Anything.

Hospitals Are Full Of Action.

Once Inside, We'll Sneak
To The Emergency Room.

You Know What Happens There.

But They're Not
My Dad's Patients.

Your Dad's A Doctor,
He Fixes Everything.

We'll Just Say
They're His Patients.

Think Of What We Can Get.

"Code Blue. Shock Him Again.
We're Losing Him."

"Doctor, Stat.

"Where's That I.V.?

Where's The Liver?"

"Rush That Brain Down To
Emergency Immediately."

Come On, Rudy,
Let's Get That Trophy.

"He's Going...

He's Going, He's Gone!"

"He's Back.

Wait A Minute,
Give Him His Leg."

So We'll Be In Labor Room Four.

Okay, Thank You.

This Is My Father

Dr. Huxtable.
He's About To Deliver A Baby.

How Far Apart Are They Now?

Three Minutes Apart.

How Are You, Julia?

Fine. I'll Be Glad
When This Is Over.

All Right, Honey.

Go Ahead, Go Ahead.

You Two, In Here.

Now This Is Where
The Two Of You Will Wait.

You Will Wait Right Here.

You Understand?

You Will Wait...

Both:
Right Here.

That's Right.

Got It.

Absolutely.

(Whispering:)
Are You Ready?

Yeah, But The Guard
Is Right There.

Soon As He Finishes, We'll
Split Up And Scout The Place.

Meet Back Here In Minutes
And Compare Injuries.

There He Goes.

Let's Go.

We Were Trying To Find
The Soda Machine.

My Dad Said
We Could Get A Soda.

What A Coincidence.

It's Right Here.

Oh, Yeah.

Now Stay Put.

We're Put.

We're Put.

Mr. Arroyo, How's Your Wife?

She's Due Any Minute.

I Have To Sign These Forms.

Mr. Arroyo, How Would You Like
To Tape The Birth Of Your Baby?

I Would, But I Don't
Have A Camera.

You Can Borrow Ours.

You Would Do This For Me?

That's So Wonderful.

Well, Maybe You Could
Do Us

A Favor Too.

What?

My Father Doesn't
Have A Videotape

Of One Of His Births.

It Would Be
A Nice Surprise.

You're Such Thoughtful Children.

I'll Be Glad To Help.

I'll Give You A Copy.

Go, Your Baby Is Going
To Be Born Any Minute Now.

It's A Girl! It's A Girl!

I Can't Tell You
How Beautiful It Was.

We'll Get Copies
Of The Tape To You.

No, I Will Make A Copy Of
The Tape For Your Father.

Copy Of The...

We Don't Want
A Copy Of The Tape.

Where Did You Get That Idea?

We Don't Want It.

You Said You Wanted It As
A Surprise For Dr. Huxtable.

I Thought That Camera
Looked Familiar.

Oh, I Ruined The Surprise.

Why Don't You
Give Me That Tape

Since It's
Not A Surprise.

I'll Bring You A Copy
This Evening.

That's Fine.

What's The Matter With You Two?

Why Are You
Willing To Take Credit

For Something You Haven't Done?

You're The Only One
Who Would Know.

That's Not True.

You Know.

Well, We Tried, Kenny.

And We Lost.

Well, I Better Go Home.

Yeah.

(Doorbell Rings)

Hello.

Here Is Your Father's
Copy Of The Video.

It's Beautiful.

He Is A Very
Fine Doctor.

That's What Everyone Says.

No, You Don't Understand.

Your Father Is
A Very Special Person.

He Just Doesn't Deliver Babies.

His Job Also
Is To Bring Hope

Into The World.

What A Wonderful Profession.

Mr. Arroyo, Would You Say That
One More Time?

What?

Just Say What You Just Said.

Do This?

Yeah.

I'm Not Sure
What You Want Me To Say

But Dr. Huxtable
Has The Best Job There Is--

To Bring Hope Into The World.

You Have Just Seen
Some Nice Things

People Have To Say
About My Father.

The Delivery Of The Baby

Was sh*t By Mr. Arroyo

Because We Weren't Allowed
In The Delivery Room.

All Right.

Clair:
Very Nice,
You Two.

We're Proud
Of Both Of You.

Yeah, You Did It
With Your Minds.

You Stayed
Within The Rules.

And Look At That,
You Won A Trophy.

You Should Have Heard
My Acceptance Speech.

No, You Shouldn't Have.

Dad, He Went On And On.

People Started Throwing
Their Lunches At Him.

The Gym Teacher
Hauled Him Off The Stage.

I Thanked The Little People.

Kenny, You Are
The Little People.

Mr. Arroyo Did
A Nice Job Too.

Yes, I Want To Thank You For
The Close-Ups Of The Babies.

No Close-Ups Of Me,
Just Close-Ups Of The Babies.

They Just Laid There
And Said, "Wah, Wah, Wah."

More Close-Ups Of Your Father
Next Time You Steal Pictures.

Let Me See.

Very Nice.

Very Nice Indeed.