07x11 - It's a Boy

[bunniefuu]

There She Is.

I Am Privileged

To Be In The Same Kitchen
With My Friend--

Miss Brains Of Brooklyn.

Charmaine, Please.

We Needed The Fire Department
To Put You Out.

Charmaine!

When Called On,
My Girlfriend Sat Up

And In A Clear And I-Know-What-
I'm-Talking-About-Voice Said

That The First American
In Space

Was Mr. Alan B. Shepard, Jr.
On May , .

And The Beauty
Of It Was

This Came After An Unprepared

But Impeccably Attired
Shaniqua Watkins

Who Said That
The First American In Space

(Together:) Was Mr. George Jetson.

The Way You've Been
In School Lately

Your Mama
Would Be Proud Of You.

It Ain't Helping My Social Life.

You Mean Slide?

You Picked Up Some Good Habits
And Dropped A Bad One.

That's Right.

sh**t, Him Bringing Me Down

Wanting Me To Cut Class
And Hang Out After School

And Asking Me
To Do His Homework.

You Did The Right Thing.

Lance Tried That And I Said

"Bring Something To The Table
Besides Good Looks

Or Find Another Table."

I Suppose You're Right.

I Know I'm Right.

It's Your Table,
So Tell Somebody Else

To Pull Up A Chair.

Circulate.

Go Out And Meet Somebody.

Like Who?

Isn't There Anybody Who Makes
Your Boat Float?

Somebody Who Makes

Your Liver Quiver?

I Suppose I Could Be Interested

In That New Boy In School,
Aaron Dexter.

Stop The Madness.

Aaron Dexter?

Mm-Hmm.

Don't Let Your Answers
Go To Your Head.

That Boy's Intellectual.

You Can Tell By
All The Keys On His Belt.

Keys?

Smart Boys Always Carry
A Lot Of Keys.

Forget About This One.

I Thought I Was
The Brains Of Brooklyn.

You Are, But His Mind Is Global.

Yours Is Just Local.

I Said I Was Interested.

I Didn't Say I Would Start
Chasing After Him.

Why Not?

If My Girlfriend
Wants To Aim At A High Target

Why Shouldn't I Help Her Hit It?

Come On, Girl,
Let's Go Snag You A Smartie.

Honey, Aren't You Curious
About What We're Going To Have?

You Know It Doesn't
Matter To Me.

We Have A Little Girl.

Wouldn't It Be Nice
If Laurie Had A Brother?

Bernice, As Long
As The Baby Is Healthy

I'm A Happy Dad.

Alfred, Bernice

How Are You Doing?

I Guess We're
A Little Nervous.

Listen, She Is Going To Be Fine.

The Results
Of The Amnio...

The Baby Is Just Fine.

Okay?

Do You Want To Know
What You're Having?

Yes.

No.

Cliff, Whatever We Have

We Will Love As Much
As We Love Laurie.

Well, I Want To Know.

All Right, Dear,
If It's Important To You.

What Are We Having?

It's A Boy.

A Boy.

Yes!

Yes!

There He Is, Pam.

I See Him.

Don't Stand There
Growing Roots.

Go Talk To The Boy.

No, I'll Wait
Till He Sees Me

And Then I Make My Move.

He's Reading.

He Can't See You.

Oh, He's Looking At You.

Will You Look At Him?

Make Eye Contact.

You Waited Too Long.

Now He's Not Looking.

You Slow, You Blow.

I Know What I'm Doing.

You May Know,
But You're Taking All Day.

Hi, Aaron.

I'm Charmaine.

Would You Look
At My Friend, Please?

Huh?

Well, Just Look In
Her General Direction.

That Girl Gets On
My Last Nerve.

Would You Come
With Me, Please?

Aaron, This Is Pam.

Pam, This Is Aaron.

Oh, I Just Remembered,
I Have To Go Buy A Leg Of Lamb

For My Mama.

Have A Nice Chit-Chat.

Ciao.

Hi.

Is This Seat Taken?

If You Sit Down.

Well, Nice Meeting You.

Wait.

Have You Ever Read
Henry The Fifth?

Yeah, I Read It
A Long Time Ago.

I'm Reading It Now.

What A Coincidence.

How Far Are You?

Oh, I'm...

Here.

You've Passed The Battle

Where Henry Tries
To Woo Katherine.

Yes, I Passed That.

Isn't It Funny?

He Doesn't Speak French,
She Doesn't Speak English.

Do You Speak French?

I Do A Little.

I Studied It;
Anybody Can.

It's Not Like
I'm The Smartest Guy In Class.

You're Not?

There Are At Least
Four Other People

Smarter Than Me.

Well, Maybe Three.

Am I Talking Too Much?

I Better Shut Up.

I'll Ferme La Bouche.

I'll Shut Up

In Two Languages.

That's All Right.

I Like To Hear You Talk.

You Do?

No, Really?

Mm-Hmm.

I'll Leave You
To Your Shakespeare.

You Have To Concentrate
With Shakespeare.

I'm A Shakespeare Buff.

Enjoy It.

Well, Actually,
It's Kind Of Hard To Understand.

Want Me To Help You?

Would You?

Well, As Long As I'm Here.

Okay.

"When I Come To Woo The Ladies,
I Fright Them, But In Faith Kate

The Elder I Wax,
The Better I Shall Appear."

That Means She's Seeing Him
At His Worst

But The Longer She Knows Him,
The Better He Gets.

Unh!

Right.

(Intercom Buzzing)

Yes?

Alfred Phelps To See You,
Dr. Huxtable.

Okay, Send Him In.

I Can't Do It, Cliff.

I Can't Have A Son.

You Don't Have To.

Your Wife
Will Do That.

No, No, What I Mean Is,
Yesterday I Was Having A Boy.

Today I'm Having A Son.

I Don't Understand
The Difference.

A Son Is A Son.

Right.

It Means We Have To Do
Sports Together...

Like Baseball.

Have You Ever Seen Me
Swing A Baseball Bat?

Cliff, In My Entire
Little League Career

I Got Two Hits--

One In The Neck,
And One In The Back.

But, Alfred, You Have
A Great Mind For Sports.

Sure, I've Got
A Great Mind For Sports

But Not The Body.

How Am I Going To Relate

To My Son?

You're Always Talking About

How You And Theo Like To Run
And Jump And Play Together.

Go To Any Park
And What Do You See?

Boys With Their Fathers

Throwing The Old Ball Around,
Shagging Flies.

You Don't See Them Reading
The Financial Times

Or Doing
The Multiplication Tables.

I Just Have
No Coordination.

I'm Sorry.

It's All Right.

You Got To Do
Something.

Yeah.

Now You Dribble.

I'm Going To Dribble?

Just Dribble.

That's Fine.

What Are You Saying?

Listen To Me.

That's Fine.

It's Fantastic.

We're Talking About
You Dribbled Around Me.

You're Going To Work
With Your Son.

Your Son Will Be

Maybe Three,
Four Years Old, Al.

He's Not Dribbling.

Sit Down.

The Two Of You Are Going
To Be Doing Like This.

This Is All
You'll Do.

That's It.

I Can Do This.

This Kid Is Going To Think
You're Great.

(Talking Baby Talk)

...And Then You're
Going To Get Up

And You're
Going To Be A Hero.

The Next Thing Is...

Go Ahead, Take A sh*t.

Take A sh*t.

All Right,
I'll Take A sh*t.

Yes!

Yeah!

Kick It!

Kick It!

Yes!

Kick It!

Oh, Football?

I Didn't Know
You Liked Football.

I Love Football.

When I Grow Up,
I Want To Be A Football Player.

Not A Doctor?

I Want To Be A Doctor
And A Football Player.

Is There A Problem?

No. It's Just That...

When Are You Going To Find Time
To See Your Patients?

During The Week.

They Only Play Football

On The Weekends.

I Thought You Knew Football.

Yeah, Well, I Do.

Okay, Do It!

I'll Have A Nickname.

What Is It?

Dr. Crusher.

Dr. Crusher.

Middle Linebacker.

Middle Linebacker.

Why Middle Linebacker?

To Be In The Middle
Of Everything.

I See.

So Don't Call Me Peewee
Or Pudd Anymore.

From Now On, Dr. Crusher!

Middle Linebacker!

Dr. Crusher, Middle Linebacker!

Yeah, I Understand.

Third And Five.

Middle Linebacker.

I Wasn't Expected
To Be A Good Athlete

So I Made
The Basketball Team.

But I Got A "B" In Chemistry

So My Father Made Me Quit.

If I Got A "B" In Chemistry

I'd Ask For A Car.

Well, That's My Dad.

He's Proud Of Me

But He's Very Tense
About My Future.

He Wants Me To Get
Into A Good School--

Morehouse.

Well, I Guess
I Better Get Going.

Um, You Have
A Lot Of Keys.

You Know, My Friend Says

That Boys Who Have A Lot Of Keys
Are Really Smart.

I'm Not Smart

But I Have A Lot Of Keys.

That's Because I Need These Keys
To Organize My Life.

This Key Is For My Locker
At School.

These Keys Are For
My Grandmother's House.

I Check On Her After School.

Oh, That's Sweet.

This Key Is For My Closet--

I Have A Nosey Little Brother.

I Can't Remember
What These Keys Are For

But I'm Afraid
To Get Rid Of Them

In Case I Do Remember

And I Can't Get In
To Wherever It Is.

And These Are
For My Job.

You Work Too?

Mm-Hmm.

Where?

The Bike Shop.

I Fix Bikes.

I Ride Them Too.

I'm Riding In The Bike-A-Thon.

You Must Be Good.

Yeah.

You Should See Me.

I'm Smooth, I'm Sleek...

I'm A Comet.

Would You Like

To Go Biking With Me?

Um, I'm Not Really Good.

I'll Show You.

Next Sunday?

Yeah. Okay.

Great. Great.

This Is A Date, Right?

Or It Could Be A Date.

Sort Of Like A Date...

Aaron, Aaron, It's A Date.

Whoops!

Just My Sympathetic
Nervous System Again

Which Is Stimulating
My Adrenal Gland.

I Just Happened To Know That.

I Know, You Read It Somewhere.

Well...

Good Night, Pam.

Good Night.

Yes!

Lofting An Egg
To Somebody On A Ladder.

Lofting An Egg...

You're Too Far
On The Loft.

Hey.

Hey, Ber.

What Are You Guys Doing?

Trying To Loft An Egg
Up To Some...

Yes.

All Right, Bernice.

Where Did You Learn That?

I Was Point Guard
For My High School Team.

Well, You Still Have It.

Thanks.

What Do You Think
You're Doing?

I Was Just Playing
A Little Basketball.

No, No, No.

I'm The One
Playing Basketball

Not You.

You're Pregnant.

You Should Be Somewhere
With Your Feet Up.

Besides...

I Should Teach Our Son This Game

Not His Mother.

Why? My Mother Taught Me.

You Had A Very
Unusual Childhood, Bernice.

I've Always Said That.

I Saw You With That Ball.

You're Pretty Slick.

Come On, Clair

How About A Little Two-On-Two
With Me And My Pal?

Don't Be Ridiculous.

Your Ball Out.

Let's Do It.

Don't Worry, Pal.

I'm Right Behind You.

But You Got To
Guard Bernice.

No, No.

The Husband
Will Guard The Wife.

Are You Serious?

Come On.

Get Out Of Here.

Come On!

I Can Take The Ball...

Wait A Minute.

Yes!

Yes!

All Right!

(Yelling)

Ta-Ta.

Okay, We've Got To Work
On Your Defense.

Yes!

All Right.

Looking Pretty Good.

Now How Many Is That?

If You Count All The sh*ts
I Made Today

Right Now I'm Approximately
For .

Let's Say The First
Were Warm-Ups

And This Was The One
That Counts.

Your Father Says If I Improve

Someday I May Impress
A Five-Year-Old Boy.

Mr. Phelps, Your Son's Not
Going To Be Impressed With That.

When I Was Five, I Was Impressed

That My Dad Could Drive A Car.

Theo, You Mean
I Shouldn't Be Doing This?

No, That's Cool

But I Was Never Impressed

With How Good A Ball Player
My Dad Was.

You Weren't?

I Do Remember The First Time
I Played Football

And I Fell, Scraped My Knee
And Started Crying.

Dad Took Me
In The House

Cleaned Up My Knee

Dried My Tears, Gave Me A Hug

And Said "Everything's
Going To Be Okay."

Those Things I Remember.

I'll Tell You One Thing:

As I Got Older

And Realized I Could b*at Him
At Certain Sports

I Started To Let Him Win.

Theo, Your Mother Says
To Bring In The Groceries

Before The Ice Cream Melts.

Okay, Thanks.

See You Later, Mr. Phelps.

Oh, Theo...

Thanks.

You Got It.

Can I Play With You?

Well, Sure.

This Really Isn't My Game.

My Game Is Football.

You Want To sh**t?

No. You Can Go First.

Thanks.

Whoa!

That Was Great!

You Hit The Backboard.

That's Right.

And Someday
You'll Be Good Enough

To Hit The Backboard Too.

Come On.

It's Your Turn.

Listen, Alfred
Went Out Of Here

Acting Like He's So Happy
He's Going To Have A Son

And He Knows What To Do.

I Mean, What Were You
Talking About?

You Know, Life, Philosophy,
Psychology Of Parenting.

Oh, Really,
Mr. Psychologist.

Pardon Me,
Dr. Psychologist.

So You Set Him
Straight, Huh?

He Walked Out Of Here Happy,
Didn't He?

Hey, Dad, When I Was Little--

When We Used To Run Track--

You Used To Let Me Win,
Didn't You?

Sure, I Wanted You
To Build Your Confidence.

Well, I Appreciate That

But You Know, As I Got Older

I Started Doing
The Same Thing For You.

You Better Go Some Place
And Find The Truth.

No, I'm Serious.

I Could b*at You...

I Could b*at You Long Before
I Let You Know I Could

But I Didn't Want You
To Get Too Concerned

About Getting Too Old.

Getting Too Old?

We Could Go Out On The Track,
Run The

And I Guarantee You

You'll See My Back

And At The Mark

I'll Be Getting
Smaller And Smaller.

All Right.

We Can Go Now.

You Want To?

Yeah.

We Can't

Because Your Mother's Got A Cake

And We Have To Eat That.

So We Can't Go Right Now.

Saved By Mom.

We Can Go After Dinner.

Not With A Cake
Sitting Up Here.

How About If We Go Tomorrow?

Tomorrow I Can't.

I've Got Patients Tomorrow.

Patients...

What About Saturday?

I'm Going To The Museum.

Oh, Then You
Don't Want To Run.