07x24 - Cliff and Jake

[bunniefuu]

(Laughing)

This Is Good.

What's So Funny?

The Comics.

Which One?

"Over The Edge."

Can I See?

Oh, Sure.

This Guy Is A Farmer
And That Guy Is A Martian.

You See How That Farmer

Is Holding
That Big Bottle Of Soda?

Yes.

The Martian Is Saying

"No, I Said Take Me
To Your Leader."

(Laughing)

You're Laughing,
But Do You Get It?

No.

I'll Explain It.

The Farmer Is Holding
A Liter-- L-I-T-E-R.

That's A Measurement

But The Martian Wanted
To Be Taken To His Leader

L-E-A-D-E-R.

Like The President
Or The Mayor.

That's Not Funny.

Yes, It Is.

If There Was A Bug
In The Farmer's Bottle

That Would Be Funny.

(Laughing)

Hey, Hey, Hey.

Good Morning, Everybody.

Good Morning,
Mom.

Oh, No.

What's The Matter?

Mom, You've Got
To Look At This.

Jake's Appliance Store
Is Having A Big Sale.

"Jake's Big Semi-Annual
Clearance Sale, One Day Only.

Electric Sanders, % Off."

If Dad Sees That,
He's Going To Want A Sander.

And He'll Sand Everything
In Sight.

Burn This Page.

You Can't. Dad Reads Every Page
Of The Paper.

Why Not Hide It
And Say It Never Came?

That Is Perfect.

You Can Always Depend
On A Child

To Come Up
With A Sneaky Solution.

Thank You, Mom.

Cliff:
Clair, Where Are You, Dear?

I'm Downstairs,
But I'm Coming Up!

No, Don't Come Up.

I'm Coming Down.

Don't Look At That Pot.

Look, You Know The Pen
You Were Looking For?

Found It.

Oh, You're So Good To Me.

Sit Down
And Have Some Yogurt.

I Just Want
To Get A Little Something...

How's Everybody?

Fine.

Just Reading The Paper.

All The Parts
That Came.

Father Reads
The Paper First.

I've Told You.

Where's The Metro Section?

That Part Didn't Come, Dear.

Somebody Just Didn't Assemble
The Paper Correctly, I Guess.

They Put Four Or Five Million
Of These Together.

They're Bound To Mess One Up.

Yeah, You Know,
I've Been Thinking

This Paint Is Chipping.

I Think What I'm Going To Do
Is Sand All These Doors

And Paint All Around
The Place.

That Door Doesn't Need Sanding

And I Love That Color.

Don't You Think
That Color's Perfect?

Great.

Beautiful.

Well, I'll Think About It
When I Come Back.

Where Are You Going?

Not For Another Paper?

No, No, No, No, No,
Got A Flyer.

A Flyer Came.

"Jake's Giant Sale.

"Semi-Annual Clearance,
% Off, One Day Only

Electric Sander."

(Makes Buzzing Noise)

You Can't Go.

Don't You Have
An Appointment?

Yes, But It's Not Until :

And By The Way

Save Me Some Of That
Metro Paper Stew.

Aren't You A Little Bit Old
For This Kind Of Thing?

(Phone Ringing)

All Right, All Right, All Right.

Jake's.

Yes, This Is Clair Huxtable
Speaking.

Dr. H Is Coming Down, Right?

Jake, You Know He Has A Bit
Of A Problem

Controlling Himself
In Your Store.

Because We Have
The Best Prices In Town.

I'm Certain That You Do,
But Listen.

When He Comes To The Store

He's Going To Want
To Buy Something.

Don't Sell It To Him.

But He's One
Of My Favorite Customers.

How Can I Do That?

Because I'm Telling You, Jake.

He Is Going To Want

An Electric Sander.

I'm Sorry, I'm Having...
What?

I'm Having A Little Trouble Here
With The Phone.

That's A Very Tired Trick.

You Heard Every Word.

No Sander.

Now, Promise Me.

Okay, I Promise.

No Sander.

You're A Strong Woman, Mrs. H.

Good-Bye.

Bye.

It's Nice That You Finally
Listened To Mrs. Huxtable.

Hey, I Love That Family

And She's A k*ller Attorney.

Why Don't We Put These Sanders
Behind The Counter.

Okay, But This Hurts.

I Had A Guaranteed Sale
With The Doctor.

I Know.

Hey!

Here He Is,
The Good Doctor.

How Are You?

Cookie, How You Doing?

I Always Look Forward
To My Visits With You.

How You Doing?

I'm Doing Fine.

What Is This?

Oh, That's A Cabinet I Built.

Yeah, I Used Wooden Pegs
Instead Of Nails.

Jake, If I Could Do
That Kind Of Work...

Hey, If I Could Only Deliver
Babies, You Know.

The Good Lord Puts Us Down Here
All For Different Reasons.

I Build Cabinets.

You Slap Bottoms.

That's Right, But Here We Go.

"Sale--" Pow,
"Electric Sanders, % Off."

Let Me Have One.

Cookie, How Are We Doing
With The Sanders?

Sorry, We're All Sold Out.

Sold Out?

You Just Opened
Minutes Ago, Jake.

Yeah, I Know,
But When I Got Here...

The Store, The People...
There Was Such A Crowd Outside.

They Were Holding The Papers

And The Ads,
Flyers

Yelling, "We Want Sanders!"

It Sounded Like
A Political Rally.

They Went
Like Hot Cakes.

Well, That's Too Bad
Because I Had My Heart Set

On Sanding And Painting.

I'll Sell You Some Sandpaper.

Do It By Hand.

It Will Be Like Aerobics.

Please Hurry It Up
Because I'm Minutes Late.

There Was A Terrible
Traffic Accident Out There.

Dr. Huxtable...

Never Say "Traffic Accident"
In Front Of My Father.

Did Somebody Say
"Traffic Accident"?

Yeah.

I Was Late
Coming In Because...

You Said "Traffic Accident."

Dad, Come On,
Don't Start.

I'm Not Starting Anything.

Let Me Tell You Something
About A Traffic Accident.

It Can't Be As Annoying
As A Traffic Accident I Had

Ten Years Ago

With That Bum,
Stanley Rappaport.

I Was Here, Right On Flatbush
And Park Place, Okay?

Excuse Me.

My Car Was Right Here
At A Stop Sign, All Right?

Right In Front Of Me
Is That Bum...

Excuse Me.

Right Here Is That Bum,
That Stanley Rappaport

In A Fancy Car

He Owed Payments On.

Excuse Me, Please,
Excuse Me.

All Right, Now, Watch This.

Over Here Is A Tree,
Over Here Was A Lamppost

Over Here Was A Small Dog.

Yeah.

Now, Right At That Moment,
As Fate Would Have It

The Knob On My Radio Falls Off

On The Floor.

I Start To Reach For The Knob
When All Of A Sudden, Boom!

He Plows Right
Into My Front End.

I'm Sure He Had
The Car In Reverse

Because He Backed
Into Me, See?

Sure.

I Start To Yell,
"Look What You Did!"

And Rappaport Jumps Out
Of The Car Like A Madman.

He Says, "Look What I Did?

"Look What You Did.

You Ran Into Me."

I Was Sitting In My Car
Looking For My Knob.

I Wasn't Even Driving.

Okay.

It Wound Up
I Had To Pay A Repair Bill

For $ To That Cheat

That Bum,
That Stanley Rappaport.

It Wasn't Even My Fault.

Yeah...

Could I Have My Sandpaper?

You'll Get Your Sandpaper

But Rappaport Will Never Get
Sandpaper From Me.

He Won't Even Get Sand.

Dad, Calm Down.

I'm Calm.

I Didn't Make Up
One Word.

I'm Really Sorry About That.

That's Okay.

It's Just My Father Has Never
Gotten Over That Accident.

I See That.

Dr. Huxtable, There's Something

I'd Like To Talk To You About
Privately.

Could I Stop By
Your Office Today?

Sure, Is : All Right?

Fine. There's Somebody
I'd Like You To Meet.

Please Don't Mention This
To My Father.

No, I Won't Mention That
Or Traffic Accident.

Somebody Mention
"Traffic Accident?"

No, Nobody.

I Thought I Heard...

I Thought-- I'm Hearing
Lately, Things.

All Right,
Here's The Sandpaper.

Fine And Coarse.

It's Too Bad I Couldn't Get
An Electric Sander.

Yeah, I Feel Bad About That Too.

As A Matter Of Fact,
I Was Willing To Pay

More Than % Off.

Oh, Yeah?

How Much More?

Well, I Was Figuring

Maybe You Had Something
That Was In The Back

That You Felt

Maybe A Customer Wasn't
Going To Pick Up.

I Would Take It Off Your Hands
For % Off.

% Off?

From The Back,
That A Customer...

Not Necessarily.

If It Was Really Tough
For You

I Would Pay
The Full Price.

Full Price?

Yeah.

Do You Remember The Tool Belt
You Tried To Sell Me?

I Didn't Want It.

Yeah, The Tool...

Well, If I Could Get...

Yes?

The Electric Sander

I'd Be Willing To Buy
The Tool Belt.

Tool Belt Too,
With The...

Full Price.

Full Price?

Cookie.

Thanks For Taking The Time
To See Us.

I Would Like You To Meet
My Fiance, Johnathan.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable.

Well, Congratulations.

Sit Down.

Listen,
Your Father Never Told Me

That You Were Engaged.

He Doesn't Know Yet.

So, You're Going
To Surprise Him

And You Came Here
For A Blood Test.

I'll Give You % Off.

Bong!

No, That's Not Why We're Here.

I... Because...

Oh, Johnathan

Tell Dr. Huxtable
Your Last Name.

Rappaport.

My Father Is Stanley Rappaport.

Traffic Accident.

Right.

Oh, Yeah, Oh, Wow.

For The Past Months

We've Had To Keep
Our Romance Secret.

Well, Yeah.

It's Been Ten Years
And Our Fathers

Still Refuse
To Speak To Each Other.

One Time Johnathan And I
Were In The City Together

And My Father Saw Us.

We Were On The Corner Of th
And My Father Was Parked

Across The Street.

In The Intersection
Was A Fire Hydrant...

Honey, Honey.

Oh, Anyway, My Father--
He Saw Us

He Went Completely Crazy.

He Dragged Me Away,
Ranting And Raving

Carrying On
That He Never Wanted Me

To Speak
To That Rappaport Kid Again.

Your Father
Anything Like Her Father?

Worse.

Really?

His Father Was My Dad's Best Man
At His Wedding

And Now, There's Been Ten Years
Of Feuding.

Dr. Huxtable

Johnathan And I Love Each Other

And We Love Our Fathers

But We're Going To Get Married

Whether Or Not
Our Fathers Want Us To.

So, Would You Tell Them, Please?

Tell Them What?

To Stop This Stupid Fighting.

We Want Them To Give Us
Their Blessings.

We Want To Have
A Wonderful Wedding.

My Father Respects You, Doctor.

If He's Ever Going To Listen
To Anyone

It Would Be You.

Hey, Mom.

What Are You Doing?

The Lever On This Toaster
Wasn't Working

So I Took Your Father's
Do-It-Yourself Book

And I Did It Myself.

Good Idea. He Won't Have
To Ruin Yet Another Appliance.

He'll Go To Jake's

And Buy A Toaster That Looks
More Like An Industrial Oven.

I Hadn't Planned
On Eating While I Was Here

But As Soon As You Fixed
The Toaster

I Might As Well Break It In
With A Tuna On Toast.

Toast On, Son,
Toast On.

Dear...

Hey, Hungry Home Boy!

Hey, Dad.

What's Happening,
Kid?

How Was Your Work Today?

Well, It Was
Quite Unusual.

Jake's Daughter Came Up
With Her Fiance

To Ask Me To Talk To Her Father
And His Father

Because They're Feuding

And These Two
Are Going To Get Married

And It Looks Like
If They Don't Patch Things Up

These Guys
Are Not Coming To The Wedding.

Oh, Whoa!

Oh!

Mom, Are You Sure
You Read That Fix-It Book Right?

Did You Fix
The Toaster, Dear?

Well, I Thought
I Did.

Step Out Of The Way.

Now, See,
This Thing Is Done For.

That's It.

Now, See, I'm Going To Have
To Go Down To Jake's

And Get A Toaster.

No, No, No, No,
You're Not Going

Down To Jake's, Dear.

Why Am I Not Going Down..?

Because You Are Weak.

I'm Not Weak.

I Went Down To Jake's
This Morning.

Did I Come Back With Anything?

I Was Down At The Basement.

I Saw A Brand-New
Electric Sander

Still In Its Box

Hidden In One
Of The Children's Sleeping Bags.

Yeah? So?
What Does That Mean?

Theo Could Have Bought The Thing
And Put It Down There.

You're Stretching Now, Dad.

I'm Not Angry
About It, Honey.

You're Weak.

I Know This.

I Accept It.

I Understand.

And I'll Be Back
With A Toaster.

Now, You...

You Could Have Taken
The Heat, Man.

You Come Here, You Eat My Food.

All I Ask You To Do
Is Take The Heat

For The Thing In The Basement

And You Turn Around
And Give Me What?

Grief.

Grief.

I'm Sorry.

No, No, No.

Hey, Hey, Come Here.

Now, Put The Food Back.

(Intercom Buzzes)

Hello?

Mrs. Mckechnie:
Dr. Huxtable, There's
A Mr. Rappaport Here To See You.

Yes, Yes, And The Gentleman
In Examination Room B--

Bring Him In Also, Please.

How Are You,
Mr. Rappaport?

You're Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, I Am, Sir.

My Son Said You Wanted
To See Me.

That Is Correct, Sir.

But I've Already
Had My Physical.

I'm Not That Kind Of Doctor.

I'm A Baby Doctor.

Oh, But My Wife Is Over .

No, No, No...
(Knocking)

Yes?

Oh, Doctor...

Stanley Rappaport!

What Is He Doing Here?

I Go Where I Please.

It's A Free Country.

Sure. For Him,
It's A Free Country.

He Hits Cars
And Takes Money From People.

Now, Gentlemen...

Don't Say "Gentlemen"
In His Presence.

Time Hasn't Made You
Any More Reasonable.

Listen!

Listen To Me,
Both Of You, Please.

I Was Asked To Bring The Two
Of You Together

So We Could Settle This Silly
Feud About A Traffic Accident.

Traffic Accident?!
Traffic Accident?!

I Was Sitting Here
Near The Stop.

He Was Right In Front Of Me
With His Fancy Car.

Over Here
Was A Dog.

Over Here
Was A Lamppost.

No, It Was A Telephone Pole
And It Wasn't A Dog.

It Was A Cat.

Now, I Want Both Of You
To Stop It

Because I'm Here To Tell You

That Your Children
Are Going To Get Married.

To Whom?

His Daughter To Your Son.

Your Son To His Daughter.

And They're Going
To Get Married

Whether The Two Of You
Make Up Or Not.

Never!
Over My Dead Body.

Never!

Dr. Huxtable, Is This True?

Yes.

Is My Son Going To Marry
The Daughter Of Jake Bennett?

Yes.

And They're Going To Have
The Wedding

Whether We're There Or Not?

Whether You're There Or Not.

Call Him Back In.

It Isn't Necessary.

I Had Mrs. Mckechnie
Lock The Front Door.

Good Move.

That Was A Dirty Trick.

Jake, Please Sit Down.

There's Something I Want To Say.

Tell Him I Don't Want To Listen
To Any More Of His Lies.

Come On, Sit Down.

I'll Do It For You,
Doctor.

Step Aside!

Jake, Please Listen To Me.

The Day Of The Accident

I Had A Terrible Argument
With My Wife

So I Ran Out Of The House,
Got In My Car And Drove Around.

When I Got
To The Stop Sign

I Thought

"Maybe I Should Go Back
And Make Up With Her."

I Guess I Absentmindedly
Threw The Car Into Reverse.

Wait A Minute.

Are You Telling Me That
That Accident Was Not My Fault?

I Wanted To Apologize To You
On The Spot

But When You Yelled At Me

I Felt As Though I Was Arguing
With My Wife All Over Again.

I Had To Win At Least
One Argument That Day.

I'm Sorry, Jake.

Oh, My... Oh, My God.

Stanley, Stanley...

I'm...

Stanley...
I'm Sorry Too.

I...

Look, It Wasn't...
It Wasn't All Your Fault.

If I... If I Were Watching You,
I Could Have Backed Up.

Oh, My...

Ah...

Such A Tiny Dent.

I Can't Believe
I Made You Pay $ .

$ .

I Can't Believe This--

A Couple Of Dummies
Like Us...

Separated
From My Best Friend--

My Best Friend
For Ten Years.

I... And Now...

Hmm, And Now,
Your... Your Jonathan

And Your Cookie...

Uh-Huh.

We're Going To Be
Related.

(Chuckles)

Yes.

♪ To Each Loyal Son
And Daughter ♪

♪ Faithful To The Core ♪

♪ Let's Drink A Toast
With Seltzer Water ♪

♪ To P.S. ♪

Come On.
I Can't Believe It.

We Got To Plan
The Wedding.

Yes, And A Honeymoon.

The Father Of The Bride
Always Pays For The Wedding.

It's Okay With Me.

We'll Have
Paper Plates...

Oh, No.

And A Piano Player

And We'll Have
Such A Great Time...