08x08 - Olivia's Field Trip

[bunniefuu]

This Is It.

I'm Telling You,
It Is Not Funny, Dear.

I'm... I'm...

This Is The Last Time.

I Had Counted When Rudy Came
That I Would Not Have To Go Out

And Monitor
Any More Museum Trips

For Five-Year-Old Children.

Then This Child Comes,
And Here We Go Again.

I Don't Want
To Do This Anymore.

You're Being Silly.

It's Just A Field Trip
To The Desoto Museum.

"It's Just A Field Trip
To The Desoto Museum."

You Can Say That
Because You're Not Going

And You're A Person

Who Has No Class.

You Know Why?

You Know Why?

Because If You Had Class

You Would Look At Me And Realize
That My Job As A Baby Doctor

Is To Deliver These People

And Now These People
Are Going To Deliver Me.

She's Counting
On It, Cliff.

Just Think Of Everything Olivia
And Her Classmates Will Learn.

I Know
What They're Going To Learn.

They're Going To Learn
To Look At Me And See A Person

That They Can Tap
With Their Little Finger.

You Ever Had Those Little Taps?

And They're All Behind You
And All Over Here

And They Start
As Soon As You Get Off The Bus.

"Can I Have Some Juice?

I Have Juice."

No, We Don't Eat Till : .

"But I Want Some Juice Now

Because My Mother Said
I Could Have Some Juice."

And Then They Start
Digging In Places

And You Don't Know
What They're Digging For

Or What's Wrong.

Oh, Come On.

You're Not Alone.

I'm Not Alone?

No! You've Got Jeffrey Engels.

Jeffrey Engels?!

Ha! Jeffrey Engels?!

Jeffrey Engels Is A Rookie!

He Knows Nothing

And On Top Of That,
He Overdresses For Everything.

Jeffrey Engels?

We Went
To A Simple Kazoo Concert.

His Daughter Played
The Kazoo.

Her Part Was...

(Imitating Kazoo)

He Wore A Tuxedo, A Top Hat,
Had A Scarf On

And Conducted Her Little...

(Imitating Kazoo)

Hey, Good Morning.

How You Doing?

You're Here Early
For The Middle Of The Week.

Oh, Well, I'm Awaiting
My Delivery.

I'm Having T-Shirts
Sent Here.

You Know How
The Community Center

Always Needs Money.

We're Going
To Silk-Screen T-Shirts

And Sell Them For Ten Dollars.

That Sounds Good.

I Found A Secondhand
Silk-Screening Press

And A Store
To Donate The Paints

And By Having
The T-Shirts Delivered Here

I Save Freight Costs.

I Figure We Sell T-Shirts
A Weekend

Weekends,
We'll Have Enough Money

To Buy A Computer
For Every Kid In The Center.

Or We Can Move The Center
To The Caribbean

But I'll Make That Call
When The Time Comes.

Well, Let Me Know
If You Need Any Legal Help

For Your Vendor's License.

I Got It.

Your Tax I.D. Number?

J- - - - .

Well, Now Listen Up.

If You Need Any Help
With The Slogans

For The T-Shirts

I'm Your Man.

Well, Dad, Thanks A Lot

But I Got The Kids
Making Designs.

Yeah, But See, Designs Are Fine

But Words Are Much Stronger.

What Kind Of Words?

Things Like, "I Am Over

And I Have My Own Apartment."

Try This One--

"My Parents Gave It All They Had

But I Didn't."

"I Finally Found Myself,
That's Why I'm Not Here."

Dad, Thanks A Lot

But I Got It Under Control.

You Got It
Under Control?

Oh, And Here's Another One.

This One Would Be
My All-Time Favorite

And This Would Be A Big Seller--

"I Paid My Parents Back
All The Money That I Borrowed

And I Feel Good About Myself."

You Can Put That
On The Front.

You Can Put It On The Back.

You Can Put It On The Side.

You Could Get A Branding Iron
And Hit Them With That.

Start My Own T-Shirt Company.

♪ Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, Yeah, Yeah ♪

♪ I'm Going On
A Field Trip ♪

♪ With All Of My Friends ♪

♪ First One Ever ♪

♪ Going On A Big Yellow Bus. ♪

♪ You're Going To Ride
On The Big Yellow Bus ♪

♪ And Let Me Tell You
That The Seats Are Not Padded ♪

♪ On The Big
Yellow Bus ♪

♪ And All The Springs
Are Like This ♪

♪ You'll Be Bouncing
Up And Down ♪

♪ There's No Air Conditioning,
So The Sweat Will Be Running ♪

♪ On The Big
Yellow Bus ♪

♪That You Think's
Going To Be A Lot Of Fun. ♪

♪ But We'll Still
Be Happy. ♪

♪ That's What You Think. ♪

♪ Is My Lunch In Here? ♪

♪ Mm-Hmm. ♪

Yes, Your Lunch
Is In There.

Mrs. Huxtable Packed
For Both Of Us.

♪ Ooh, This Is Mine. ♪

♪ Just What I Wanted. ♪

Uh-Huh.

This Must Be Yours.

What Is It?

I Don't Know.

Mrs. Huxtable Packed It For Me.

She Said
She Was Going To Make It.

Rice Cakes...

And Tuna.

No Mayonnaise...

No Mustard...

No Flavor.

But That's All Right.

See, On The Field Trips

The Best Part Is Trading Food

And Trading Sandwiches.

(Knocking At Door)

Come In!

Hey, Neighbor.

Oh, No.

Well, Don't You Two
Look... Together.

Boy, I Brought Some Things
That Are Going To Come In Handy

On The Field Trip.

I Got These Camp Songs Here
For The Bus.

Wait, No, No, No.

Listen...

Uh, Do Me A Favor.

Put That Back
In Your Bag.

But This Is...

Put It..!

Don't Want Any...

I Don't Mean To Yell At You.

I Don't Want Any Camp Songs.

I Don't Want
Any John Jacob Thing.

I Don't Want To Hear
Any Hundred Bottles.

I Don't Want Any Bears
Coming Over The Mountains.

Just Leave It Alone.

Trust Me.

All Right.

What's Up, Mr. Engels?

Hey, Leslie.

Hey!

You Ready For The Trip?

Oh, You Bet.

We're All Set.

Well, Listen, Here's One
For The Bus Ride.

♪ Found A Peanut ♪

♪Found A Peanut♪

♪Found A Peanut Right Now♪

♪Just Now I Found A Peanut♪

♪Found A Peanut Right Now♪

♪Found A Peanut♪

♪Found A Peanut♪

♪Found A Peanut Right Now...♪

Engels:
And This
Is A Grizzly Bear.

(Children:) Ooh!

Yes. I Would Like You
To Take Note

That "The Grizzly Bear
Is A Relative

Of The Alaskan Brown Bear."

Please Keep Looking.

"Although It Weighs
Up To , Pounds..."

Over Here.

"...It Can Actually Move
Almost As Fast As A Lion."

Is That True, Daddy?

Yeah, Mr. Engels,
Is That True?

Of Course, It's True, Boy!

I'm Reading From The Thing Here.

There's A Lot More To Bears

Than What's Written
On That Plaque, Cliff.

I Mean,
The Grizzly Bear--

Ursus Horribilis--

Is One Of The World's Largest
Living Omnivores.

This Is A Bear.

It's A Big Bear.

It's A Big, Brown Bear.

Could That Bear
Eat Me Up?

Well, It Could If It Were Alive
And You Provoked It.

So That's A Real Bear?

Well, The Bear Was Once
A Real Bear.

I Think I Saw It Move.

Yes, You See

It's The Light Shining
On The Glass

That Makes
The Bear's Eyes Sparkle.

It's Very Realistic.

Is That True, Dr. Huxtable?

Well, It's Hard To Say,
Children.

You See, Um,
These Bears Actually Move

But They Would Have To Pay Rent.

Dioramas Aren't Cheap

Mainly Because Of The View,
You See?

So If The Bears Moved

People Would Say, "We Have
To Charge You For Living Here."

So They Stay Like That.

However, When I'm Visiting
A Museum

And I Know
That These Things Can Move

And, Certainly,
If You Will Notice

The Teeth--

Those Teeth

Are For Tearing Flesh.

And I Must Say

That They Love To Tear

Noisy Flesh.

And They Love A Chase.

Now, What I Do,
If I Want To See It Move

Is I Will Turn My Back

To The Bears Like So

And Then I Will Say Out Loud,
Faking Them Out

"Well, I Guess I'll Go
To The Next Exhibit."

And When I Do That,
Out Of The Corner Of My Eye

I Know That This Bear
Is Going To Move

And So I Turn

And As Soon As I Know
It's Moving

I Take These Eyes

And I Swing Them Back!

It's Alive!

It's Alive!

(Screaming)

Here Yet?

Not Yet.

The Truck Must Be Running Late
Or Something.

(Doorbell Ringing)

Must Be Them.

(Truck Door Slamming
And Engine Starting)

Hey, Thanks!

(Tires Squealing)

He Must Have Been In A Rush.

Mom, I Got Such A Great Deal
On These Shirts Here.

Check This Out.

% Cotton.

I Got A Good Discount

Because The Style
Has Been Discontinued

But Mr. Starkey, Who's
A Very Resourceful Guy

Said There's Plenty More
Where These Came From.

It Certainly Seems Roomy.

That Way They Can Shrink

When You Wash It.

Theo...

Did I Miss Something Here?

Do I Have This
On Backwards, Honey?

Where's The Tag?

Uh, It's Got To Be
Where The Neck Is.

Where's The Neck?

Honey, Come On.

Help Me With This Thing.

I Can't Help You.

I Can't
Even Help Myself.

There's Got To Be
Some Mistake Here.

I Hope So.

All The Shirts
Can't Be Like This.

Maybe If I Pull
This Thread Here...

Wait A Minute.

Wait, Wait,
Wait, Wait.

Oh, Mom,
I Don't Believe This.

I Spent The Center's Money
On These Shirts.

So, Just Cancel The Check.

Good Idea.

Good Idea.

Cancel The Check.

I Didn't Pay By Check, Mom.

Well, I Got A % Discount
By Paying In Cash.

That % Must Have Been
The Neck Sewer's Salary.

Why Don't You Let Me Talk
To This Guy?

No, I Got It
Under Control.

Me And Mr. Starkey
Been Working Together.

It's Cool.

Hey, Mr. Starkey.

How You Doing?

This Is Theodore Huxtable.

I Got A Slight Problem
With These T-Shirts.

There Are No Neck Holes.

Well, Yes,
I'm Sure.

They Didn't Leave
The Warehouse That Way?

Are You Telling Me

The Truck Driver Pulled Off
To The Side Of The Road

And Sewed Up All The Neck Holes?

What Do You Mean,
"He's Done It Before"?

Listen, Mr. Starkey

I Want My Money Back,
And I Want It Back Now.

Hello?

He's Going To Get
Back To Me.

Just Your Own Lunches Now.

No One Else's.

No One Else's Name.

All Right.

That's Just Fine.

Now Don't Anybody Eat Yet.

Don't Anybody Eat Yet.

Now, I'm Sure

That Someone Would Like
To Exchange

For My...

Wonderful...

Tuna Fish... Sandwich.

I'll Trade With You,
Dr. Huxtable.

Marlon, My Friend

Thank You.

Wait A Minute.

What Kind Of Sandwich
Have You?

Roast Beef On A Roll...

With Some Nice
Russian Dressing...

A Little Pickle...

And Some Potato Salad
On The Side.

Marlon...

Trade.

Thank You, Marlon, So Much.

You're Welcome.

Enjoy Yourself.

Oh... Yes.

Hey! This Tuna's On Coasters.

I'm Sorry, Marlon...

But You Made Your Choice.

(Children Softly Chanting:)
Cheater, Cheater, Cheater

(Louder:) Cheater, Cheater, Cheater

(Very Loudly:) Cheater, Cheater, Cheater!

Cheater, Cheater, Cheater!

Now, You Listen To Me,
Starkey, Man.

This Is The Last Message
I'm Leaving On Your Machine--

Lucky --

And I'm Telling You Now,
If I Ever

Ever Find Out Where You Live,
I'm Coming After You.

(Machine Beeping)

Mom, Listen,
I'm Glad You're Here.

Could You Do Me
A Big Favor?

What?

Call Mr. Starkey And Pretend
You're A Customer.

I Want You To Order
Dozen Shirts

Style Number Seven.

The Neckless Ones?

I Just Want You To Order A Lot
So He'll Pick Up The Phone.

No Problem.

Okay, It's Ringing.

Now, When He Picks Up,
Just Give Me The Phone.

Hello, This Is Clair Hanks
Of Universal Silk Screens

And I Would Like To Order
Dozen T-Shirts.

Hello?

Mr. Starkey?

Did I Say ?

What I Meant To Say
Is That I Am The Senior Partner

At The Law Firm
Bradley, Greentree, And Dexter

And I Represent
Mr. Theodore Huxtable.

No, You Listen.

You Sold A Product
In This State.

Therefore, You Gave Mr. Huxtable
A Warranty Of Usability.

Now Unless You Can Round Up
People

With Neither Head Nor Neck

To Speak On Behalf
Of Your T-Shirts

We Are Prepared
To Take Action.

That's What I Thought You'd Say.

So We'll Have The Money
By The Close Of Business Today?

We Thank You.

Done.

Whoa...

I Mean, Thanks, Mom.

I Mean, I'm Impressed

But I'm Also Embarrassed.

He Doesn't Know I'm Your Mother.

No, That's Not
The Embarrassing Thing.

Here I Am, Mr. Entrepreneur

And I Fall For The Oldest One
In The Book--

The Something-For-Nothing Scam.

Man, When They Tell You

They're Taking
% Off The Top

They Mean It.

Yeah, Well,
You Get What You Pay For.

Speaking Of Which

You Owe Me $
For That Phone Call

And As Your Attorney

I Would Advise You Not To Go
To Your Mother For The Funds.

(Snickering)

Oh, Dear. Please Help Me.

I Got A Field Trip Hangover.

Oh, What Are Your Symptoms,
Doctor?

Oh, My Symptoms
Are...

I Don't Want To Hear
Another Child's Voice

As Long As I Live.

I Don't Even Want
To Hear One

If It Says, "I'm Leaving."

I Got
Cooler Burns

On My Hands.

Oh...

I Don't Think
They'll Ever Recover.

I'll Put Some Lotion
On That For You.

They're Just Raw.

Ooh...

Ooh...

Yeah.

Ooh...

How's That?

What Do You Mean,
How Is That?

That's One Of
The Dumbest Questions

I've Ever Heard.

Now Is There Anything Else
I Can Do?

You Can Reload
Over There.

Okay.

Give You A Nice Big One.

Ooh, Yes.