Bye.
Did she postpone the wedding?
No.
She called it off.
We are going to las vegas!
Whoo!
♪ And all I need
♪ Is to get my
♪ Oh, I hope I see you
♪ Get my bootie down
10,000!
Aah!
Who are you?
It's that showgirl
from the folies bergere.
Honey, last night you and i...
Got married!
Julia, why are you having
such a hard time with this?
Anthony obviously
made a mistake.
You don't know anthony, b.j.
Anthony doesn't
make mistakes like this.
This is vegas, the city
of a thousand mistakes.
The economy is based on
people making mistakes.
That's the whole point.
That's what makes it fun.
Well, I can't believe it.
You keep saying that.
Well, I can't! I
cannot believe this!
Then don't.
I don't.
When bad things happen,
I just don't believe them.
Basically, I haven't
believed anything bad
Since the cuban m*ssile crisis.
Bernice, I understand this is
not your field of expertise,
But we're dealing
with reality here.
Reality is a sucker's game.
Homey don't play that.
Well, for those of us
Who do not believe that
reality is a sucker's game,
Are things like this
really possible?
Do these kinds of things
actually happen to people?
It happened to doris
day and rock hudson
All the time.
What are you doing?
I'm practicing throwing craps.
I'm on a hot streak.
Bring it on home to mama!
Um... Are you losing touch?
Anthony has just married
some strange showgirl,
And all you can do is sit on
the floor and throw these dice?
Gimme! Gimme!
Mary jo...
Come on, now. Just give those...
Give me those!
Mary jo, you're
developing a problem here!
I'm fine now.
I can quit anytime I want.
Are you sure?
O.k.
Yes! Bring it on home!
Mama needs a new pair of shoes!
I hate to be the
one to tell you,
But you've totally lost it.
This she-beast has
captured our anthony,
And I'm here to tell you
She's up to no good.
How's that?
I can tell. I know.
That woman is satan's lap dog.
I say we should take action.
We should storm the beaches
And take no prisoners.
Come on, everybody, let's go!
Serpentine!
Serpentine!
Serpentine!
Bernice...
Serpentine!
Calm down.
Snap out of it, soldier!
Ha! And you call
yourself a marine?
Look, etienne, I usually
don't drink very much,
And so last night
when I said, "I do,"
What I probably meant was, "I
could, but I don't necessarily."
You know, someday,
Many, many years from now,
From our totally opposite
ends of the continent,
Leading our totally
separate lives,
We will look back on this,
girl, and we will just laugh!
Did I mention that I thought
you were a very nice person?
Yes, you did,
Although that's not the
way you put it last night
To your best man,
Just before he passed out.
You told him I was
the only woman
That had ever electrified
you from across a room.
Well...
That's true.
I mean, I did feel
a power surge.
When you stepped
out on that stage,
You were just zapping
people in the audience
With your sheer lusciousness.
Ooh!
Talk like that made
me fall for you.
I'm not saying we're in love,
But it's all there...
All the ingredients.
I'm even more
enamored with you now
Than when we were in
Our nuptial bed together.
Incidentally,
"Enamored" and "nuptial"...
Those are two words I'm
trying to add to my daily speech.
They are from the fabulous book,
How to increase your word power.
I add about 20 words a month,
30 If there's not a lot of crap
Going on in my life.
Well, now, that's
very admirable,
But I'd like to get back to
this sleeping together thing.
If I was so drunk that I didn't
even remember the wedding,
I couldn't have been very
much fun on that honeymoon.
Oh, you were magnificent.
Whoo! You were adorable,
You were sweet,
You were gentle,
You were tenacious...
That's another
word I'm working on...
And very, very sexy.
No. Don't... Don't
tell me I was sexy!
Whoo! But you
were, baby, you were.
I'm telling you, anthony,
we were meant to be.
What happened between us...
Ooh, it was like a
force of nature.
Well, hurricanes and
earthquakes are a force of nature.
Forest fires are a
force of nature, too.
Etienne, nature
can be very cruel.
You know, a lot of men
Are afraid to
commit to marriage,
But you did it without
even thinking about it,
So don't you see?
The hard part is over!
You just got to get used to it.
Mm-hmm! I'm telling you,
I am going to make you so happy,
Baby, it makes
me wish I was you.
Oh, yes!
This is so exciting!
Baby, I am going to atlanta
with my new husband
To my new life!
Oh, baby, got to go, honey.
See you later! I got to go pack.
Julia!
[Julia] anthony!
You're back.
I knew you'd come back.
I guard your privacy
as I do my own,
And I would never
pry or interfere,
But what the hell is going on?
What's going on is,
I am hostage.
This woman says
That she is going to
love me and adore me
And make me the
happiest man on earth
Whether I like it or not.
She's the demon seed.
I've seen her kind before.
I'll bet she has a 666
tattooed on her tushie.
She might have. I
don't remember.
I... I don't remember anything.
I don't even remember if we...
Anthony, we don't
need to discuss that.
You asked him what
the hell was going on.
Now he's finally
getting to the good part.
I don't even know if
there is a good part.
I... I just don't remember.
I don't even remember
if we, you know,
Consummated it.
Well, now, that brings up
An interesting point of law,
'Cause, anthony,
If the... Relationship
was... Not, uh...
Consummated
Or if it was consummated
Under the influence of
chemical amusement aid,
Well, now, that is
grounds for annulment.
Huh...
Annulment?
That's the most beautiful
sound I've ever heard.
I think I'll go downstairs
and hit the tables,
See if I can double
our money again...
Mary jo.
I hate to break this to you,
But you're definitely
addicted to gambling.
And it is turning you into...
Well, uh, a jackass.
I'm afraid that gambling
Is yet another thing
That seems to give you
A heck of a nasty
testosterone rush.
I'm so embarrassed.
I'm...
I'm so mortified.
[Dice tumble]
Yes! I'm so hot!
That is all for you, lefty.
You are on lockdown.
When can I have my dice back?
I'll let you know.
Now, anthony,
If you're sure you want
to go this annulment route,
I can help you out.
I got this pal in
texas, angus lloyd.
He's a lawyer,
Former judge,
And a coroner.
And he's also a
buddhist vegetarian.
He came out here a
couple of years ago
To see the liberace museum
And just felt like he came home.
I think he can help you out.
Ohh, b.j.,
I... I want out.
You... You got to get me out.
I'll... I'll do anything.
Way to go, stuff.
Get on the horn
and call the man.
[B.j.] All right, y'all.
Angus said for y'all
to come over right now.
Julia, do... Do you
have some kleenex?
On top of everything else,
I'm getting a head cold.
Here.
Ah-choo!
Bless you.
Excuse me.
My... My life just can't
seem to get any worse.
Ah-choo!
Ooh!
What's wrong, anthony?
It's my back.
Oh, no. Come on. Help me.
Let's get him in bed.
No, no! The bed's too soft!
Help me!
Put him over here.
[Anthony] ow! O.k.
[Everybody talking at once]
O.k. Wait a minute.
O.k., O.k., Right
here, right here.
1, 2, 3!
Aah!
O.k., O.k., Deep breath.
Julia, I think you'll have to
see that judge by yourself,
If you don't mind.
No, not at all.
Anything to help, anthony.
Oh, well, then go.
And find out if we can bring that
strumpet up on morals charges.
What's wrong with me?
Why do I always end up on
the oriental coffee table
Lying in a fetal position?
Why is my life one long
wrestle with an alligator?
Why am I here?
You got to stop
your bellyaching.
My old buddy angus will
take care of everything.
Even if he can't, there's
one really simple solution.
How much do you think it would
cost to buy this showgirl off?
I mean, would $25,000 be enough
to sweeten the deal for etienne?
I don't have that kind of money.
I do.
No, b.j., I can't
go through life
Letting you buy me
out of my mistakes.
Even though you're the
one who dragged me here
And got me into all this.
Your thinking you can buy
etienne out of holy matrimony
With this wonderful man
Is just downright cynical.
I know it sounds tacky,
but that's the way it is.
Everyone has their price.
My sweet james used to say
that no is strictly temporary
And yes is just a
dollar sign away.
I just don't believe that people
would do anything for money.
I'm with you, carlene.
I wouldn't do
anything for money.
I'm not looking to challenge
anyone's morals here,
But let me lay out
a situation for you.
Suppose I offered you $25,000
to strip down to your scanties,
Get on the public elevator,
Ride down to the lobby,
Saunter over to the newstand,
And pick up a copy of
paris match. Would you?
Been there. Done that.
Bernice, you have not.
How about you, mary jo?
You're in the market for a bet.
Uh-uh. That's one
of my worst fears.
I have a recurring nightmare
that I'm in high school
Taking my final exam
in my underpants.
I've had that dream.
Except there was applause.
I was a big hit.
How about you, carlene?
Gosh, I don't know.
$25,000. That's an
awful lot of money.
I have this underwear that
kind of looks like a bathing suit.
But I didn't pack it.
But then again, I don't
think that I could,
Because, deep in my heart,
I'd know I was in my underwear.
Uh, uh, b.j...
I have to ask you...
I-i-is that offer
hypothetical...
Or genuine?
Are you interested?
Well, if etienne
could be bought off
And if I could earn
that money legitimately,
Then I might be.
I'm making it a bona fide
offer. Are you game?
Now...
You said...
That you would give me $25,000
If I go down to the
lobby, in my underwear,
And buy a copy of paris match.
Mm-hmm. They have a copy.
You're on.
[Carlene] anthony, no,
you couldn't do that.
I'll throw in $10
if you go naked.
Where is anthony? He's
been gone over an hour.
Something must
be terribly wrong.
Maybe we should
call the concierge
And ask if he's seen a
half-naked black man
Wandering around the lobby.
Or maybe I could go look.
I've never seen anybody take
this long to buy a magazine.
Maybe the money wasn't enough.
Maybe he's going for
a guinness record.
Make fun of it,
But that guinness book is
a treasure trove of facts.
Do you know there's a fella
named prem from bangalore
Who can braid his arms and legs
Into practically a pigtail?
Uh-huh.
I sure hope anthony
gets back before julia.
If she finds out about this,
She'll give us one of
those looks and say,
"Have you all just
completely lost your mind?"
Who wants to bet 5-to-1
she says that? Any takers?
Hi.
Hi, julia.
Hi. Anthony!
Oh, b.j., I have wonderful news.
Your friend was a godsend.
Anthony!
He wrote up a
motion for annulment.
All anthony has to do
is get etienne to sign it.
Anthony!
Where is anthony?
Well, actually, he
isn't here right now.
So I see, but...
The clothes he was
wearing are here.
Uh, that's correct.
Well...
Has he evaporated?
Well, not... Not exactly.
Does anyone have any
further information
They would like to
impart at this time?
I do. There's this
guy in baltimore
Who can braid his arms
and legs into a pigtail.
B.j. Offered him $25,000
If he'd go downstairs
in his underwear
And bring her a magazine,
And he hasn't come back yet.
Have you all just
completely lost your mind?
I knew she'd say that.
I wish you all had
taken that bet.
Uh, julia...
During the course
of conversation,
It occurred to me
That maybe anthony should
try and buy etienne off,
But he wouldn't
just take my money.
It was a matter
of pride for him.
Oh, well, I see.
So you allowed him
to maintain his dignity
By having him run naked
through the lobby?
H-h-he was in his underpants.
I just wish y'all had told me
Before I spent $12 on cab fare
going to see that buddhist judge,
Because obviously your plan is so
much more logical and well thought out.
I'm glad you think so
'cause I just wasn't so sure.
What is wrong with you people?
Don't look at me.
It was b.j.'S idea.
Oh, the answer's
pretty obvious, julia.
I have completely lost my mind.
[Loud knock on door]
That must be him. He didn't
have a pocket for his key.
Anthony.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Right here will be just fine.
Anthony! Are you all right?
This is just a storybook
ending to a perfect vacation.
In just 24 hours, I'm jilted,
Whisked off to vegas
where I wake up married.
Following the very
good advice of my friends,
I go downstairs in my shorts.
Only my back goes out totally,
And I end up writhing on the
elevator floor for 45 minutes
While drunken, yet
incredibly polite,
Pasty-faced people in
stretch pants get on and off
Being ever so careful
so not to step on me...
Until these wonderful
gentlemen brought me here
Rather than dump me off
the 23rd floor of this hotel
Like I begged them to do.
Here's a little something
for your trouble. Bye.
Thanks, fellas.
That reminds me, b.j.,
Here's your magazine.
Here's your check.
Anthony, listen,
if you want me to,
I could run that downstairs
and double your money.
Maybe not.
Anthony, b.j.'S zen friend has
drawn up a motion for annulment.
All you have to do
Is get etienne to
sign that waiver.
Thanks, julia,
you're a life saver.
Somebody wheel
me down to etienne.
I'll do it.
But wouldn't it be simpler
Just to put some
dope in her purse
And call the vice squad?
Relax.
Now inhale...
And... Exhale.
Ooh!
Ahh.
Hey, that feels good.
How did you do that?
Just a little something
My grandmother taught me.
I'm very good with backs.
One of my many talents.
Now why was my husband
riding in an elevator
In a laundry cart
wearing just his boxers?
Etienne, there's something else
I-i've got to tell you first.
Now, this is really important,
S-so just let me...
Wow, is all that your luggage?
The rest of my things
can be shipped to atlanta.
Etienne...
Y-you can't come back with me.
This marriage, it's just
not going to happen.
Oh.
I see.
Well...
Let me explain something
to you, anthony bouvier.
I do my show twice
a night every night.
Last night was the first time I
looked out into the audience
And locked eyes with somebody.
A bolt of lightning
went through me.
I know you felt it, too.
I figure if that happens
just once in a lifetime,
Then you are very lucky.
And I consider
myself very lucky,
Because last night I met
and married a truly good man.
That feeling's going to keep
me happy for a very long time.
But now I'm looking
at you looking at me
Like you're trapped in
something that you don't want.
What kind of a woman would I be
If I made a truly
good man unhappy?
And, by the way,
Nothing intimate
happened last night.
You were quite the gentleman.
Now, if...
If you'll excuse me...
I'm going to go home
'Cause I've got some
unpacking to do.
So... So... Wait...
Wait... Wait.
That's it? You're
walking out on me?
Isn't that what you want?
Well, b... Well,
it was, but... But...
I don't know. I don't
know what I want.
Well, I'm a big believer in the
power of the unconscious.
Sometimes my mind
makes a decision,
Then my body takes
a while to catch up.
It's very visceral. That
word I learned last month.
You think maybe this
marriage could work out o.k.?
Because I got to tell you,
Right here from
the start, I'm scared.
Of course you're scared.
It's scary. I'm scared, too.
But I made a promise last
night. I don't break promises.
Well...
I don't like to break
my promises either.
So what are you thinking?
Well, i... I...
I... I was thinking that, uh...
You know, if the... The honeymoon
didn't happen last night...
Maybe we could get it started.
Th-that is, if you want to.
Well...
I think that it would be
very fortuitous if we did.
[Telephone rings]
Hello?
It's anthony.
Anthony? Wha... How's it going?
What do you mean, fortuitous?
A-all right. If that's
what you want.
He said he needs more time.
He said it's not going
just the way he thought.
I wonder what that means.
It means there's time to k*ll,
And there's a craps
table with my name on it.
07x07 - Fools Rush In
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Series centers on the lives of four women and one man working together at an interior designing firm in 1980s Atlanta, Georgia, called Sugarbaker & Associates.
Series centers on the lives of four women and one man working together at an interior designing firm in 1980s Atlanta, Georgia, called Sugarbaker & Associates.