07x15 - Nude Julia, New York Morning

[bunniefuu]

That charlene is the sweetest
sister a girl could have.

She sent me dipsey decals.

We used to watch this tv
show when we were little.

This is clara cow.
She talked like that.

And this here's patty pig.

She was always kind of nervous.

Said her name
twice all the time.

You know what?

I want to put them up somewhere.

This is a good place.

There's patty and...
Oh, yeah, I like that.

What do you think?

No, carlene.

As lovely as they are,

They stand a better
chance of survival

On your refrigerator door.

Oh, well, o.k.

I'll keep them in my purse

In case you change your mind.

B.j., This here
came for you today.

Hmm.

Ohh! This is an invitation

To the new show at
the jansen art gallery.

It's the hottest
shindig in town.

Who's the artist?

It's in the paper today.

Nigel mcfeeney.

It's his first exhibition
in atlanta, right, b.j.?

Mm-hmm.

I once knew an exhibitionist.

Well, he was just a
nodding acquaintance.

I used to see him in front
of the ladies' shoe store.

He's doing fine now.

He's on the mclaughlin report.

What do y'all say? Should we go?

You go. It's not the kind
of thing I'd be interested in.

Julia, you're the one
who's always dragging us

To these cultural events.

I would have thought you
would have been the most excited.

Not to this gallery.

I never thought the lighting
there flattered the paintings,

But you go ahead
without me and have fun.

Do you see what I see?

See what?

I saw it, too.

What?

You know something, julia?

You cannot lie.

When you start
to hide something,

You put your finger in your hair

And you just start to curl it,

Very slowly and
real precision-like.

Well, that is the most
ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

I once knew someone

That, when he lied,
belched uncontrollably.

He's doing fine now.

He's on the mclaughlin report.

It says in the artist's bio

That he taught in
london and berlin

And at the art
institute in new york.

Didn't you say
you studied there?

Yeah. A long time ago.

What was his name again?

Nigel mcfeeney. Ring a bell?

I heard one.

Nigel...

Nigel...

Maybe. It would be vague.

It was after I got
out of college.

Maybe I remember somebody
called nigel mcfeeney.

Freeze, julia.

Julia sugarbaker, you've
got a secret, and we want it.

I have nothing to hide,

But if I did... Which I don't...

It would be none
of your business...

Which it is not.

She was his love sl*ve. Move on.

Bernice.

Just because I vaguely remember

The name of some artist

Doesn't mean I had any
association with him.

Hey, I got a great idea.

How about each one of us

Tell a deep, dark secret first.

Then you'll be a lot
more comfortable

'Cause we'll have already
humiliated ourselves.

Anthony,

You start first.

Come on.

All right.

I'm really a white
guy named ward.

I'll go. This is
really embarrassing,

But it's true.

I once put saltpeter
in ted's breakfast drink

To dampen his sexual appetite

Because he was having
an affair with that maxine.

If I wasn't getting any,

I didn't think she
should either.

That's a good one.

See how this thing works here?

B.j., You tell one.

I can't think of anything.

Uh, well, yes, there's, uh, one.

Um...

Right before I became
a court stenographer,

And I needed to make money,

I did a brief stint as a bump
and grind go-go dancer in a cage.

[Squeals]

I'm shocked.

Well, carlene,

You got to do
what you got to do.

It really wasn't time wasted.

I did learn how to
set those two tassels

To spin in opposite directions

To the tune of proud mary.

Wow.

Bernice, it's your turn.

Well, I once opened a restaurant

And then k*lled
the man I was dating

To save my daughter
from going to prison,

Since she was the real k*ller.

Bernice, that was joan
crawford in mildred pierce.

Oh. That's right.

I'm always getting the
two of us confused.

Please spare me any
more true confessions.

If y'all's lives are so dull

And so empty

And so vacuous

That you cannot live
without satisfying

Some morbid curiosity
about my past,

Then...

I will tell you.

Now...

I was at the institute

When nigel mcfeeney
was teaching there.

Nobody who ever knew
that man would forget him.

He was so intense.
He was so brilliant.

He was so passionate
about what he was teaching.

I'd sit at his feet for hours

While he talked
about art and life,

Drinking in every word.

Oh, julia, it sounds
so romantic.

It was, but I was
just one of many.

He had girls falling
all over him all the time.

He probably
couldn't tell us apart.

We all looked alike...

Black leotards,
black turtleneck,

Long straight
hair, black eyeliner,

White lipstick.

That doesn't sound
like you at all.

That was what I refer to

As my short-lived
bohemian period.

I didn't know you
had a bohemian period.

What I'm talking about
is not how I looked.

I was this young
impressionable girl

Who was so in awe
of this... Genius artist.

I wouldn't offer an
opinion if he asked me for it.

Julia, you not offer an opinion?

I was so intimidated by him

That when I did get
up the nerve to speak,

My voice would
sh**t up two octaves.

He's never heard my real voice.

There was this one time
when... I was alone with him.

He was finishing a painting,

And he asked me
what I thought of it.

With every fiber of my body

I wanted to say, "more yellow.

It needs more yellow."

Two little words,

And I couldn't.

Julia, you've got to see him.

Why would I want to do that?

He wouldn't even remember me.

But you must be
a tiny bit curious

What he's like now.

No, b.j. Not at all.

And they said

The ironic distance with which he
approaches his work is staggering.

But you know those
critics in munichhh.

[Laughing]

Julia?

Yes?

Do we know each other?

Do we know each other?

We're honored that
you came. Don't move.

I'll be right back.

Julia.

Julia, julia, julia.

I don't believe it.
You haven't changed.

You're the same as you
were when I last saw you.

The luminous
quality of your skin,

The delicate curve of
the nape of your neck,

And that blush on your cheek

Whenever you
receive a compliment.

[High-pitched voice]
so you remember me?

Remember you?

Hardly a day's gone
by in all these years

That I haven't thought of you.

Of course you must be
thinking how much I've changed.

The hair's a little
grayer, I'm a little heavier,

But time has been kinder
to me in other ways.

I'm a better artist.

So, come on. Let's
get a glass of wine,

And I'll show you my work.

[High-pitched voice] sure.

Melon in the sunshine.

Piece of cantaloupe right there.

Thank you, carlene.

Hmm.

Paris, with a striped
chair and a bottle of wine.

Shh!

Nude julia, new york morning.

Shh!

Nude julia, new york morning.

Shh!

Anthony, come here!

She's... Look at that.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Ohh!

Ha ha ha ha!

It's julia!

I know that's julia.

And she's totally...

I can see she's totally...

Don't you think I know
totally when I see totally?

Mary jo! Psst!

This is... She's...

Look. Look.

Oh, look...

It's juli...

Oh, my god!

It's julia!

It's our julia!

I think we've successfully
identified her.

Oh, but... But she's...

She's...

She's all there!

Not... Not really.

That left foot
is kind of hidden,

And that other hand
is right behind her...

Bosom! Her fully
exposed bosom, carlene!

Why did you have to say it?

B.j.

B.j., Come here.

What?

Look.

Well...

Isn't that something?

She looks incredible.

I always thought morning
light flattered her the best.

I just didn't know it
did it in so many places.

What are we going to do?

Gouge our eyes out?

Come on, b.j.

We can't let her see this.

Carlene,

We can't let anybody see this.

O.k., Everybody, move along!

Move along now!

There's nothing
there you want to see!

Move along!

Better nudes next door!

Let's keep it moving.

Free wine next
door with corks in it.

Nudes on motorcycles,
nudes on horseback.

Naked, naked, naked. Let's go!

Nudes all the time!
Right next door.

This way.

Keep it moving!

Great art, julia. Let's go.

Nothing you'd
want to see in there.

Nothing at all.

If you've seen one woman in a
rocking chair, you've seen them all.

Don't be silly.

Girls, come here.

That happens to
be nigel mcfeeney,

Who incidentally
remembers me perfectly.

You have no idea how perfectly.

Come on. Let's go.

Don't be silly. There's anthony.

Hi, anthony.

Why are you standing like that?

Mayday, carlene!

Mayday!

Oh, hi, julia.

You remember patty the
pig and gunther the goat?

Look. It's nude julia,
new york morning.

Well, I said it before,

And I will say it
again. I hate her...

For looking so damn beautiful.

You must be cursing
me every morning

When you're putting
your makeup on.

You should have seen her.

It would just take
your breath away.

I can't stand the
thought of her in the dark,

Putting on five
layers of clothing.

Just imagine the humiliation

Of walking into a gallery

And seeing a painting
of yourself naked,

6 X 4 right there for
all the world to see.

Been there. Done that.

Bernice, you have not.

I was a nude model for the
art class at leisureland.

There is no greater humiliation

Than being painted naked

By a group of artists
with cataracts.

I just can't get the... The
picture of... Of julia naked

Out of my mind.

It's like a vietnam flashback.

Whenever I see her, I'll see a
live version of that picture.

I don't know what
the fuss is about.

If that was a picture of me,

I'd be sitting right
underneath that painting

With 8 x 10 reproductions,
signing autographs.

Besides, as we say in texas,

You can't put spilt
milk back in the heifer.

Thank you, b.j., For that
pitiful attempt at consolation.

Thank you, anthony,

For trying to distract
people from that painting.

That... That's fine, julia.

Nothing I wouldn't
have done for anybody.

What's wrong?

I am not picturing
you naked in my mind.

All right. Yes, I am.

I'm sorry. I'm confused.

Anthony, get a grip.

I'm trying to.

I'm just so outraged.

I'm furious.

How dare that man take my image,

My body,

And use it without
my permission!

You mean, you never
posed for that painting?

I most certainly did not!

He never even saw me
without my clothes on.

If you're saying that he
did this from his imagination,

Well, that is the most
romantic thing I have ever heard.

How can I ever
show my face again?

It's not your face you
should be worrying about.

Julia has a point.

What right does anybody have

To take your image and... And
use it without your permission?

It's kind of like
stealing your soul.

Think about all those old actors

That they use in
those commercials...

Humphrey bogart and cary grant.

How must james cagney feel

Dancing around hawking
soda pop with paula abdul?

At least they're dead and
buried with their clothes on.

I think I can relate.

I once had a
fistfight with a man

Over a penny I
saw on the ground,

Which he said he saw first.

Now, who owned that penny?

That's not the same thing.

I let him have the penny anyway.

That's nice.

After all, it was in his loafer.

All I'm saying is,
I feel violated.

Julia, I think you're making
more of this than it really is.

I don't know there could
be more than there was.

Shut up!

That was not me in that picture.

It was an image of me

That creep nigel
created in his creepy mind.

May I help you?

Uh, well, yes, I
believe you can.

We want to buy that painting

Nude julia, new york.

How much is it?

I'm very sorry.

It's not for sale.

Well, I'm from texas,

And when we hear "not for sale,"

We say, 20,000?

30,000?

The artist has a particular
attachment to that painting,

But we have many other beautiful
and equally expensive paintings.

Follow me.

No, no, no, no. Nude julia...

[Shrieks]

Excuse me.

Th-that's the
painting that we want.

Absolutely.

I'm very sorry.

Oh, no, but please,

We just... We just have
to have that painting

Because, well, because... Uh...

We collect nudes.

That's right.

We're... We're nude collectors,

And also we're, uh...

Uh... We're...

Married.

Yes, married.

Honey.

You know how married people are.

We just like
to... We like, uh...

Sit down in the
evening after dinner

And survey our...

Our nudes.

Yeah.

And watch monday night football.

I let him have that.

I'm sure we can
work something out.

I represent many fine artists
from around the world.

While it is true that we
have an ironic interest

In other artists
from munichhh...

I beg your pardon...

We want that picture.

That's the only
one that we want.

May I inquire why?

Well...

I-it's because

It has to be someone
that we don't know.

And we don't know her.

I've never met her.

Never seen her
before in my life.

And we don't want to.

Uh-uh.

At least take a
look at these slides.

I'm sure you'll find
some unknown subject

That might pique your interest.

Oh, no, no. I know her.

I know her. Know her. Know her.

Know him.

Mmm.

We can dispense
with these slides, mr...

What is your name?

Gregory jansen.

G. Jansen,

Do you understand
what we're trying to say?

No.

60,000?

We are really sorry, julia,

And we almost got
that painting, too.

Well, it helps to
know that you tried.

Not enough, but
thank you anyway.

Besides, it's not
just the painting.

It's the effect
that man had on me.

Did you all notice how
completely I regressed?

[High-pitched voice] no!

Very funny. Very funny.

Anyway, I don't
know what's worse...

The painting or that.

[Knock on door]

I'll get that.

Julia, it's for you.

[Anthony] everybody, upstairs.

Let's go.

Julia.

Julia, julia, julia.

I can't believe you
took the liberty...

I would be angry, but
your scene in the gallery

Will make the painting more
legendary and add to its mystique.

In fact, only yesterday a
couple offered me $60,000 for it.

I was told it was
david bowie and iman.

Nigel, it was humiliating...

There isn't a woman in the world

Who wouldn't be thrilled

To be immortalized on canvas.

Nigel, I don't think
you're hearing me.

I mean, what was it,
some sense of modesty?

It was me that was
exposed, not you.

Why you out of all women?

Women were throwing
themselves at me.

Well, I can see it now.

You didn't deserve it.

You didn't appreciate the
honor I bestowed on you.

Walking out of the
gallery as you did...

Do you think mona lisa
walked out on leonardo?

Mona lisa was asked!

Nigel, you appropriated
and exploited my body

Without asking my permission.

I'm an artist.
That's what we do.

Being an artist does not
give you this kind of license.

I'm not just talking about me.

I'm talking about that
innocent girl way back then

Who was young,

Trusting, eager to learn

From a man that she believed
was sensitive and giving.

It turns out, nigel,

You're no giver.

You're a pure taker.

That passion.

God, you're beautiful.

I want to paint you now.

I don't think painting
is what you have in mind,

Frankly.

You asked me why me
out of all those women?

I'm going to tell you why.

Because I wouldn't
give myself to you,

So you had to steal me!

Now, julia, julia, julia...

Nigel, excuse me.
There is only one julia...

And she is now
asking you to leave.

All right...

But I have the
julia that I want.

Oh, I almost forgot!

More yellow!

We were not listening, julia,

But bravo!

Did he say anything
about my decals?

[Knock on door]

[Shrieks]

It's for you, julia!

Oh, good!

Yay!

[B.j.] Where you
going to hang it?