07x12 - Alley Oops

[bunniefuu]

Well, we're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole lot of tryin'

Just to get up that hill

Now we're up
in the big leagues

Gettin' our turn at bat

As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

We're movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

Movin' on up
Movin' on up

To the East Side
Movin' on up

We finally got
a piece of the pie

LOUISE:
Florence!

Yes, Miss Jefferson?

LOUISE: Have you
seen my blue blouse
with the green trim?

You know, Miss Jefferson,
you don't want to wear
that blue blouse.

It's so old.

I don't intend to wear it.

I want to donate it to the
Help Center rummage sale.

We're getting things
organized tonight.

Oh...

Oh!

Well, looky here.

My blouse!

What was it doing there?

I don't know.

But it must have
been there a long time,
look at all the dust on it!

Well, I'll just put it in here
with the things I'm going
to give to them.

Do you have any old clothes
you want to donate?

I don't donate my old clothes,
Miss Jefferson, I wear them.

Well, let me know

if there's any little
thing that you don't
have any use for.

You think they'd
take Mr. Jefferson?

Oh, Helen, I just
want to sit around
and relax, take it easy.

Lately all you do
is sit around.

That's not true.

A man your age
should exercise.

The truth is you're
putting on weight, dear.

I am not!

I'm just retaining water.

Er. I hate to interrupt
but you did ring my bell.

Oh, I'm sorry, Louise.
I just want Tom to get
out and do something

while we're setting up for
tomorrow's rummage sale.

Well, maybe George and I
can do something together.

Oh, I'm afraid not, Tom,
George is busy.

The Jefferson's Cleaners'
bowling team is having
an important match tonight.

Oh! Since when does George
have a bowling team?

Ever since he found out
Cunningham Cleaners has one.

Oh, you know,
bowling would
be good for you.

Yeah, I wouldn't
mind that at all!
I love bowling.

I played it twice
when I was ten.

It's great recreation
for George.

It helps him relax.

Hey, Weezy!
My lucky socks,
they're gone!

How could I bowl
without my lucky socks?

Oh, well, George,
take it easy.

You have plenty of socks!

You don't understand, Weez,
these are my lucky socks.

Well, don't worry
about them.

I'm sure
wherever they are,
they have each other.

Cut the wisecracks, Weez.

Look, tonight is
the semi-finals.

We've got to win tonight
if we expect to beat

that louse
Cunningham tomorrow
night in the finals.

Oh now, George,
it's just a game.

Just a game?
Just a game!

You might as well
tell me that I'm
just a dry cleaner.

Oh, well I'm sorry,
I lost my head.

Look, Weezy,
it ain't just
a game to Cunningham.

He won the
trophy last year,

and he got the cleaning
contracts for every
team in the league.

So this year,
I want that contract.

And I can't get it
without my lucky socks.

Well, what do your lucky
socks look like?

They're white
with black stripes.

They've got to be
around here somewhere.

Oh, well, looky here!

Hey! That's terrific.
Thanks, Weez!

Oh, no trouble.

Louise, we better get going.

Oh, you're right, Helen.

There's
a good luck kiss.

Hey, Weezy.
I feel like a matador.

Tonight, I face my
moment of truth.

Oh, uh, not quite, George.

The matador
fights the bull.

You throw it.

I really like your bowling
shirt, George.

Oh, me too, Mr. Jefferson,
can I have it when you're
through with it?

Florence, now what
would you do with
my bowling shirt?

Give it to my niece.
She needs clothes
for her Kewpie doll.

Hello? Hey, Vito!

Hey, you ready to
knock 'em dead?

What? What do you mean,
you can't bowl tonight?

'Cause your mother's sick?

Come on, Vito,
where are your priorities?

Huh?

Vito, we need you.

But we need you!

Aw, who needs you, man.

George, something the matter?

Vito Manucci,
my best bowler,
he can't bowl tonight.

I gotta find somebody
to replace him

or else I'll have to
forfeit the tournament.

There's gotta be somebody!

Willis, who can I get?

Well, maybe I can help.

You know somebody?

Me! I could bowl for you.

You, bowl? Ha, ha!

Well, what's so hard
to believe about that?

Willis, in order to bowl,
you have to bend over.

I'll have you know,
I spent a few hours hanging
around the old alleys.

Oh yeah?
How long you
been bowling?

Well, I started
when I was ten.

Ten?

Congratulations, old buddy,
you just made the team!

Okay, come on,
let's get out to the alley.

Okay!
Let's get there and
knock 'em over!

Oh, great!

I hate just sitting around,
the exercise will be
good for me, too.

You know,
I've been retaining
a little water lately.

A little?
Looks like you've
got Lake Erie in there.

Geez, George,
I can't wait
to get started.

You know, I already feel
like one of the boys.

One of the boys!
You look more like
three of them. Ha, ha!

Oh, ha!

Hey, what's
that all about?

That's old loudmouth
Cunningham. Listen, Willis.

To be on my team,
you have to work for me.

So if Cunningham asks
about you, just tell him
that you're, um...

My vice-president in charge
of fluffing and drying.

Yeah, but...
Well, Jefferson!

We won...again!

Which means we're
in the finals...again!

And here's this
whole bit getting
on my nerves, again.

Come on, come on, Jefferson.

I hope your
team wins tonight.
I really do.

Because we want to destroy
you personally in the finals
tomorrow night.

Oh, yeah?
We're gonna
clean your clock.

How you gonna do that?
You can't even clean pants.

That's a lie, Jefferson.

Every garment I clean
comes out shining.

Oh, yeah, what do you do,
buff it with your head?

The game's starting, boss.
Oh. Hey, hey,

let's get 'em!
Go ahead, Willis,
you first up.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait a minute.

Who is this guy?
He don't work for you.

Yes he does, he's my...

Uh, vice-president
in charge of
fluffing and drying.

Fluffing and drying?

Yes! Every dry
cleaner dries,
but very few fluff.

Now, as vice-president in
charge of this procedure...

Oh, just bowl, Willis.

Come on! Jefferson,
who do you think
you're kidding?

This new guy's a ringer
and you know it!

You can't get
away with that!

What you talking 'bout?
Ain't no ringers on my team!

Come on, your whole team's
made up of ringers!

Why, the guy this guy's
replacing is a ringer,
that guy Vito...

Vito Manucci ain't
no ringer, man,
he's my hanger unbender.

Hanger unbender?

Come on,
there's no such job!

No such job? How about the guy
on your team that you told me
was your plastic bag counter?

Well, he is.
Ha, ha, ha.

And your team captain.
At night, your best bowler,
in the daytime,

he is zipper lubricator.

Alright, alright,
so I've got a few ringers.

But those are old ringers!

This fluff and dry,
he's a new ringer,

and that's not fair,
he can't bowl!

Oh, cut it out!

GEORGE: Hey, hey!

George! Ha, ha!

I got two pins
with only one ball!

Two?

I thought you started
bowling at ten.

I did. Uh, but
I stopped bowling when
I was ten and a half.

Why?
I got blisters.

By the way, Jefferson,
that old fluff and dry,
he's okay by me.

Hey, George!
A big eight that time.

Oh, how about that,
I saved my best
game for last.

Yeah, big .
Nice job.

Jefferson, you need
a strike to win.

Can you stand the pressure?

Well, Hey, come on fellas.

Let's let George know
we're with him, huh?

George, George.
He's our man.

If he can't do it,
no one can.

Give me a "G".

Give me an "E".

TOM: No?

We're with you, George.

Willis, I'm so good sometimes,
I scare myself.

Well, well,
congratulations, Jefferson.

It's you and me
in the finals tomorrow night.

Head to head.
Hey!

Speaking of heads,
Cunningham, you better
start wearing a hat.

Somebody's gonna walk
up to you with a bowling
bag and take you home.

You're a bum, Jefferson.

And you don't
stand a chance of
winning that trophy,

'cause I got a secret
w*apon going for me.

And what's that?

Old fluff and dry
going for you.

Thanks again
for volunteering

to help with
the rummage sale
tonight, Florence.

Well, I could
stay home and wait for
Billy Dee Williams to call,

but I say,
"Let him suffer."

Oh, hi, Helen!
Oh, hi, Louise.

Is George home?

No, not yet.
Oh, too bad.

I want to tell him how
terrific I think he is.

Oh!

Uh, Miss Willis.

Why don't you lie
down on the sofa?

And I'll go get you
a thermometer.

I'm fine.

I just want to thank
George for putting Tom
on the bowling team!

I haven't seen him
so excited about
anything in a long time.

No kidding.
He bought himself
a brand new bowling ball,

and a pair of shoes,
and a shirt just like
the rest of the team.

Oh, last night, he asked me if
he could sleep in that shirt!

What did you tell him?

I said, "Tom,
either the shirt
or the shoes, not both!"

Oh, shoes! That reminds me,
Miss Jefferson, I got a pair
I'm gonna donate.

Oh, thanks, Florence,
that's really thoughtful.

Oh, don't mention it,
it's for a good cause.

'Cause they ugly.

Oh, Louise, Louise,
you wouldn't believe Tom.

This afternoon, he
stayed home from work

so he could go down
to the bowling alley
and practice.

He just called
to tell me

he got two
strikes in a row.

He called you?

Before Walter Cronkite?

Come on, Louise.

You know, I'm really
glad he's got something

he cares so much about.

All he's been
talking about is the
big tournament tonight.

George too.

Let me tell you
something, Helen.

This bowling business does
have one good side effect.

Ever since George's team
has been winning,
George has been...

Well, he's been
pretty frisky.

Well, now that
you mention it,

Louise, Tom was a little
perky last night.

Oh.

For the first time
in months,

we missed Johnny Carson's
monolog.

Oh, um, Louise,
I'll meet you down
at the Help Center later.

Where are you going now?

I'm gonna buy a new negligee
in case Tom wins tonight.

Well, here they are.

See, I told you
they was ugly.

Well, maybe somebody
will be dumb enough
to buy them. Huh.

Well, after all,
I was dumb enough

to buy them for your
birthday two years ago.

And donating them to
the rummage sale is just
my way of saying thanks.

Hey, Weezy, guess what?

Well...
Oh, never mind,
you'll never guess.

Vito called, his mother
ain't sick no more.

That means I got
my best bowler back!

That means I don't
have to let Willis bowl!
Ha, ha!

Oh, well you're not
gonna use Tom?

Hell, no!

Think about it, Weezy.

If you owned Secretariat,
would you race a jackass?

That's a good point.

'Cause if I didn't need
the money, I sure
wouldn't work for one.

George, Tom will be
very disappointed.

Weezy, we got an old saying
in sports, "Who cares?"

Listen, Helen
was just here.

She told me Tom
has been practicing for
your tournament all day.

He even bowled
two strikes in a row!

Well, don't tell me,
tell it to Ripley's
Believe it or Not!

They may get him on the same
page with that potato from New
Jersey that looks like Nixon.

George, couldn't
you let Tom bowl?

This tournament
means a lot to him.

And that trophy
means a lot to me.
Sorry, Weezy,

Vito's bowling,
Willis ain't. That's it.

Okay, then do me a favor.

When you break
the news to Tom,

do it gently.

Okay, okay,
I'll do it gently.

Weezy, when I walk
through this door tonight,

I will be carrying
with me a trophy
three feet tall.

Really?

Well, how are we gonna
know which one is you?

Hey!

Hey, Boss.
Oh, hi, George!

Oh, George, I want to
thank you for all this.

I mean, I really feel great
being one of the guys.

All of us striving
for the same cause.

It's...

It's like being in
a beer commercial.

Yeah, Willis, listen...

You know what I did today?
Bowled two strikes in a row.

Wow, it's all over town!

Look, Willis,
let me tell you something.

Oh, yeah, but first let
me tell you how I feel.

I mean, thanks to you, George,
I'm finally part of a team.

And better than that,
it's a winning team.

Yeah, well,
you're half-right, Willis.

It is a winning team,
but you ain't on it.

What?
Let me break it
to you gently.

You ain't bowling tonight.

I ain't? I mean, I'm not?

But why, George?

That's why.
Vito's back.

He's gonna help me
win that trophy.

Hey, Vito! Welcome back!
You ain't nervous, are you?

Hey, boss,
I don't even know
the meaning of the word.

Right.

He don't know the
meaning of most words.

But man,
can he bowl. Heh.

Well, just one
question, George.

Has Vito ever bowled
two strikes in a row?

Willis, Vito has bowled
two perfect games in a row.

Oh.

Well, I guess you
have to do what's
best for the team.

Well, it... It was fun
while it lasted.

Hey, come on, Willis!

You're still part of the team!
We still need you.

You do?
Sure.

In fact, here.
Here's ten bucks.

Why don't you go
get us some beers?

Vito! Hey, Vito!
Hey, hey, Vito.

Get lost.
What!

Oh, hey, boss,
I was just warming up.

Oh yeah, well,
don't get
overheated.

You should be
ready to bowl.

I'm always ready to bowl.

Vito, can we go now?

Not yet, baby, not yet.

Oh, remember?

We can use my brother
apartment till .

We starting soon, boss?

Real soon, Vito.

So try to keep you
mind on the game, okay?

No problem.
No problem.
Good man.

Whoa!

Well, Jefferson,
I see you got back
your, uh, hanger unbender.

That's right, Cunningham.

And I promise you
can visit this trophy
any time you want to.

Well, I'm not gonna
have very far to travel,

because it's gonna
be in my office.

I don't even
know why you
even have an office,

you don't do
any business.

Jefferson,
I've got stores!

Yeah, I know.
One for each customer.

I've got twice as many
customers as you've got.

What are you talking
about, Cunningham?

I've got thousands
of customers,
and they all come back.

Sure, they're waiting
for you to get it right.

Face it, Jefferson,
I'm a better drycleaner
than you'll ever be.

I can smell dirt
a mile away.

Oh, so that's how you
find your way home, huh?

Oh, yeah!
Yeah!

Jefferson, there's
only one way we're
gonna settle this thing.

That's right, Cunningham.

BOTH: Let's bowl!

MAN: Okay, boss.
Come on, now.

Man! Good show.

Great!

Yeah!

All right. All right.

Well, that's the last
roll for your team,
Cunningham. Too bad.

"Too bad"? What do you
mean, "too bad"?
Look at the score!

Big deal, you're leading
by seven lousy pins!

Look, Vito's got a turn
coming up, you know.

And he can knock
down eight pins just
by looking at them.

Oh, yeah, but right
now I'd say,

your boy Vito's got
his mind on something
else besides bowling.

Hey, Vito.
It's your turn, man.

Oh, okay boss.
Just let me have
one more kiss.

For good luck.

These two
have rabbit's foot.

Yo. Vito, Vito, Vito!
It's your turn to bowl,
man, forget the chick.

Wait a minute,
how could I forget, uh...
Sharon.

Sharon! Sharon.

I knew when I met her
last night at the wide
world of mud wrestling,

she was the girl for me.

Last night? I thought you
told me you were with
your sick mother last night.

Well, I did have a cold.

Vito, you mean
to tell me you were
with her last night

when you were supposed
to have been bowling?

How could you do
something like that?

Boss, come here.

Look at her.

You should see her when
she's all covered in mud.

Damn it, Vito, we could
have lost last night, man.

Where's your team spirit?

Team spirit? You don't
pay me for team spirit,
you pay me to bowl.

Look, I pay you to
win me that trophy.

And that's all you
should be thinking about,
nothing else.

I don't care about
trophies, man.

I got a whole house
full of trophies.

And team spirit
didn't win me none
of them trophies.

My right arm did.

Look, when I tell
you to bowl, you bowl.

You don't go
to mud wrestling.

This is a team.

You want a team player?

Let your friend
the beer boy bowl.

Otherwise, Jefferson,
get out of my face.

What'd you say?
You heard me.

Hey, Willis.

Want more beers, George?

No, grab your ball,
you're bowling
in Vito's place.

Really? Oh, great!
I'm ready, George. Here.

Hey, what are you doing?

Let me spell it out
for you, Vito.

You're fired.
F-I-R-E-D.

From now on,
you can unbend hangers
for somebody else.

Well, you gotta be kidding.

Turn in your shirt.

You don't deserve to wear
my name on your back.

Okay, your loss.

Jefferson, you know
what's gonna happen to
this team without me?

Yeah, its IQ is
gonna jump points.

George.

You won't regret this.
I'm gonna give it
my best shot.

Go ahead, Willis.
You can do it. Hey!

Okay, you won this year,
but I swear I'll get
you next year.

Oh!

Gutter ball!

Hey, Jefferson.
Jefferson, how about
a little side bet?

On the next roll,
I say he gets one.

Don't worry, fellas, really.
I've got another ball coming!

George, listen to me,
I just wasn't
properly warmed up.

I can do it.

Look, go ahead and bowl,
Willis. We'll meet you
in the parking lot.

Yeah! Go, players, go!

Get your hands
off my trophy!

All right.
I can't believe it,
I got beat by fluff and dry!

Let me tell you
something, Cunningham.

He may fluff
and he may dry,

but one thing he don't do
and that's fold!

Okay, everybody,
beer's on me!

Hey, Willis, look,
I'm sorry about
what happened, okay?

I put you on the team,
I should have
kept you there.

Aw, forget it, George.
No, no, man,
you came through.

I mean, I got to
hand it to you.

I mean, you could've
choked, but you didn't.

You put that ball right
in the old pocket!

I never saw a better
bowl in my life!

What's your secret?

It slipped.