09x12 - How Now Dow Jones

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To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

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We finally got
a piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

Beans don't burn
on the grill

Took a whole
lot of tryin'

Now we're up
in the big leagues

As long as we live
it's you and me, baby

Ain't nothin'
wrong with that

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To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

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To the East Side

We finally got
a piece of the pie

Florence!

Florence!

Florence!

Mister Jefferson,
can't you see I'm

I can't hear that doorbell.

Don't look at her.
You fell for it.

George, you're a genius.

I know. The news is
all over town.

Wait. Let me tell you
why you're a genius.

Willis, genius is
self-explanatory.

Now, if you feel you have to
explain it to the ladies,

Ah-ha!

You know, George,
it's so rare to find

brains and humility
in the same person.

-Thank you, Helen.
-I'm still looking

Louise,
several months ago,

George gave me
a tip on a stock.

-And guess what?
-You need a loan.

Hardly.

That stock sh*t up,

and I sold it yesterday
and made myself $ , .

Oh, see that?
You should feel

You started to
listen to me.

You come here to
share your profit?

Uh, well, it'd
be a little difficult.

Ooh, Miss Willis,
that coat

Oh, thank you, Florence.

Child, I just want you
to know if that ever becomes

It does look
sensational on you, Helen.

-Oh.
-It sure does.

It looks so good on you,
I could almost forget

that d*ed so
you could wear it.

I'm glad you like it.

Boy, that stock market
sure is something.

I got to find me
a way to make some

You have. This job.

Well, we're going out
on the town.

Oh, well, have fun.
You look gorgeous.

Oh, thank you
so much, Louise.

-We're gonna see you later.
-Okay, have fun.

Oh, and, George,
thanks again.

I'm sure that every time
Helen puts on her new coat,

I sure will.

Oh, Lord, let it be
a short winter.

George, I'm so glad you could
help Tom. Better watch out.

If you're not careful,
helping people could

Not a chance, Weez.

Uh, Mr. Jefferson,
on the off chance

that you got one more
good deed in you,

how about taking a sh*t
at helping me?

Florence, I'd love
to help you,

but I've never been
to medical school.

Mister Jefferson,
can we please be serious?

You see, when it
comes to high finance,

Mr. Willis is right.

You do know your stuff.

-You got a knack for
making money.

-But I don't.
-Yes, you don't.

Anyway, how about giving me
some of that advice

Florence, look,
if I go around giving

the whole world
would be rich.

I'd be just like
everybody else.

Well, not exactly,
George.

Oh, yeah, I will be
still smarter than them.

Well, that's not
what I had in mind.

Oh, you mean
better looking?

Uh, let's drop it,
George.

Can we get back
to me, please?

Oh, listen, Florence,
a little word of advice.

Now, I've known George
longer than you have

and if you want
something from him...

I mean,
if you really want it,

I'd say you're better off
asking somebody else.

Well, you're probably right,
Ms. Jefferson.

but when it comes
to financial advice,

-See...
-Oh!

I mean, it's not for me.
It's for my church.

They need new
stained glass windows.

Well, why don't you
just tell 'em

"I don't do windows."

I'm serious,
Mr. Jefferson.

The church needs money,
and I'd like to help,

You gotta get me
in the market.

Look, Florence,
how much money you got?

-Four hundred dollars.
-Well, that's enough

-Oh.
-The supermarket.

What's the use?
I knew you wouldn't

I guess if I wanna
make some money,

I gotta find an investment
on my own.

Uh, wait, Florence.

Are you sure you wanna
talk about investment?

It's so chancy.

Uh, now you have $
nice and safe in the bank.

And it earns a steady %
that you depend on.

Now, if you went out
and bought some stock,

you would be risking
a sure $ a year.

Uh, George, you've gotta
help this woman.

What am I supposed
to do with $ ?

Well, how much
do I need?

At least two grand.

Well, let me
ask you a question.

Uh, does that money
have to necessarily

Oh, well, what do you
have in mind, Florence?

Well, I was thinking
maybe I could get some

in the building
to go in with me.

Oh, yeah, you mean
a consortium.

Yeah, a consortium.

-Oh.
-What's a consortium?

That's when a group
of serious investors

get together to form
one stock portfolio.

So if I get a group
like that together,

you would talk to us
and help us?

-Sure, I'll help you.
-Thank you, Mr. Jefferson!

Oh, well, how do you
like that, Weez?

I helped Willis.
I helped Florence.

Anything I can
do for you?

Oh, I married you.
That's enough.

So, in conclusion,
let me reiterate

that although the stock market
is admittedly a volatile

the potential for
a sizable return is there

if we do our homework
and use sound

Any questions? Yes?

-I have a question.
-Yes?

-What is the stock market?
-Good question.

I was gonna
ask that myself.

GEORGE: Uh-huh.

So, this is
your consortium,

Well, I admit
we don't know much,

Yeah, well, I guess
money without brains

is better than
the other way around.

Okay, now, let me
address the question.

And I might add,
the excellent question

What is the stock market?

MAIDS: Yeah.
Okay, let me see how to

Okay, have any of you
ever been outside?

Oh, sure.

I was just out there
yesterday.

Good, good. Okay.

Then I'm sure you've noticed
that not only are there

but there are also stores
and businesses out there,

I'm with you so far.

He makes a lot of sense.

Good.

So, anyway, you see these
businesses don't always

Sometimes they get
small amounts from

Then they give you
a stock certificate

which says that a piece
of the company

Does that mean we get
our own office?

Not quite.
But it does mean that

and makes money,
then your stocks go up

Any other questions? Yes?

Do you have
the correct time?

: .

Well.

Okay, can I continue now?

Nobody has to add
any bleach or anything?

Oh! Thank you,
Mr. Jefferson.

There's one
in every consortium.

Okay.

Now, so after
scanning the Dow,

and considering
the political climate,

and of course,
taking into account

I have decided
on a company called TZI.

They're the ones that make
the guidance systems

for the government's
R supersonic m*ssile.

And they also make
chocolate milk.

So now,
this is what we'll do.

We'll buy the stocks,
then we'll charter

by meeting here
every Thursday at : .

Mmm-mmm, child,
that's when Ryan's Hope

How about : ?

No, All My Children.

Okay, what time does
the news come on?

MAIDS: : .
We'll meet at : .

MAIDS: Perfect.
Okay.

Then it's all settled.

Uh, wait a minute, girls, uh,

before we go, I think we should
give my boss,

Mr. Jefferson,
a round of thanks.

-That's okay.
-Don't spoil him.

Thank you, ladies.
You, too, Florence.

And I must say,
I love your attitude!

So now what are
we gonna get?

-Uh, we're gonna get
rich?

-What are we gonna get?
-Rich!

-Give me an R.
-R.

-Give me an I.
-I.

-Give me a C.
-C.

-Give me an H.
-H.

Give me your money!

Florence, it's been a week.
What's he been telling you?

How we've been doin'?
I miss my money.

I know, Emma,
but he ain't telling

And he said no business
will be discussed

except at Thursday's
regular board meetings.

Sit down, everybody.
Here he comes!

Ladies, ladies

Hi, Mr. Jefferson.

Well, shall we go
straight to the matter

-Yeah.
-Okay.

Now, as you can see,

TZI appears to have
upside-penetrated

Now, if this is correct,

I believe that the trend
should continue upward,

with some slight
resistance about here,

through the end of the month.
Any questions? Yes?

What you talking about?

Okay. Should I put it
in simpler terms?

LADIES: Yeah!
Okay.

In simpler terms, that means,

we're rich!

I'm leaving, George.

Hey, Weez,
I got some great news.

TZI's up another
two points.

So the consortium
is doing well?

Well? We're doing great!

How much
have they made?

A thousand dollars a piece.

You know something,
Weezy, those women

Of course, that's
their right as American

George, take it easy.

You might be smart
with money, but you're

Give me time, Weezy.
We've only been in the

You know something, Weez,

this genius work
is hungry work.

Would you get me a dish
of that peach cobbler

And maybe some coffee
in that "I love you,

that Florence gave me.

Oh, yeah,
when you finish that,

Connie missed a spot.

Sure, George.
And while I'm at it,

do you want me
to kiss your feet, too?

No, Weez. Then I'd have to
take off the slippers that

Mr. Jefferson,
well, I've shined

darned your socks,
and ironed your shoelaces.

Is there anything else
I've missed?

Anything else you want
while I'm still below

Sorry, Florence,
but Weezy has dibs

Mister Jefferson,
have I told you lately

how much I appreciate
what you're doing for us?

Four times less than Lucy,

but three times
more than Emma,

but who's counting?

Oh, well,
if you're comfortable,

I'm gonna put
your little shoes

and I think I'll just go
answer the doorbell.

Uh-huh. Thank you,
Florence. I'm fine.

Run along.

I can't believe this.

-Hi, Emma.
-Hi, Florence. Is he in?

Is he thinking?

Can I watch?

Okay, but don't disturb him.

-Okay.
-Okay.

This is where he reads
the financial pages.

Oh, and this is
his calculator.

This is the phone
he uses to call

Oh, and this is his wife.

What is it, Emma?

Oh, I... I just brought
Mr. Jefferson a little present.

Here.

It's a thinking cap.

At least that's what
my daddy used to call it,

but mama always said
it was a shame

he didn't have it
on the day that

against that red light
in front of that

Oh, thank you, Emma.

I'll wear it in good health.

And in heavy traffic.

-You ready to go,
Florence?

Uh, where are
you two going?

Florence is goin' with me
to the travel agency.

Yeah.

She's going
to Georgia for her mama's

Ain't that something?

And I wouldn't have
been able to afford it,

if it hadn't been
for Mr. Jefferson.

Have I told you how much
I really appreciate

Two times
less than Florence

but you're gaining
on her.

Come on, Emma.

I really appreciate
what you're doing

Ha! I'm back three up
on you, Emma.

Ain't that great,
Weez? Emma's gonna get a

Yes, I have to admit
what you're doing is nice.

Your attitude is
thoroughly nauseating,

but what you're
doing is nice.

Beautifully put, Weez.

And it was very considerate
of you to help get them

Yeah, now I'm thinking
about getting them out.

Why? I thought the market
was going up steadily?

Weez, you know how
the stock market is. It's

One day it's up, up, up,
and the next thing you know

Do you really think
their stock's gonna kablooey?

Well, I don't know.
I've been studying the trend,

and we're at
a crossroads right now.

We're either heading
for a major upswing

or we're heading,
to use the technical term,

I just can't figure out
what to do about it.

Well, just bear in mind
it isn't your money

You're saying go for it?

No, that's not
what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is,
play it safe

But, Weez, Emma needs
the money to see her mother.

I mean, it wouldn't be fair
if she wasn't able

throughout
the state of Georgia.

Uh, I've gotta get down
to the Help Center.

Oh, yeah.

I gotta call a stock broker
and tell him to sell.

Bye, George.

I thought you wanted
me to sell?

I meant,
so long, George.

Hello, Miss Davis.

Is Lou in?
It's George Jefferson.

Jefferson Cleaners, seven
locations, one near you. Huh?

There isn't?
Then move.

Now, put Lou on, will you?

Hey, Lou, look,
I got something

Dump my TZI.

You heard me.
I want you to sell

I know it's a wise move.

I guess that's why
everybody calls me

So anyway,
you do agree I should

Okay, then, hold on to it.

Look, you haven't been
right since I've known you.

Oh, hi, George,
great news.

I see in the paper
that TZI really plunged.

The bottom fell out.

You sold just in time.
Isn't that great?

Is something wrong?

Florence gone yet?

Yeah. She's downstairs
with the rest of the

Oh. Hey, Weez,
you know what?

I've been thinking, maybe you
should hold the meeting today.

Oh, I could never
take the place of

Oh, those women are
gonna love you now.

Yeah, Weezy, but
that's what I'm saying.

I mean, you ain't been
getting enough lovin' lately.

Tell me about it.

No, look,
I'm serious, Weez.

I mean, I've had it
up to here with this glory.

I'm full of it.

Oh, hi, Ms. Jefferson.

Do you mind if we have
our meeting up here?

We can't use
the laundry room.

Yeah, the nerve
of those women

using our board room
to do their wash.

George, this is
your lucky day.

You don't have
to go to the meeting,

How about that?

And even better,

I can watch you tell them
the good news personally.

Oh, I'm sorry,
Mrs. Jefferson, but you can't.

Yeah, you ain't
a member of the consortium.

But I'm married
to George.

Surely you can make
an exception in my case.

LADIES: Uh-uh. No.

Well, I'll be
in my room.

Now, we know you've got
good news for us,

but first we've got
something for you.

Consortium.

That's enough.

So, what's the Fox
of Wall Street

Well, first, let me
say one thing. Um...

when you go to
your fast food stands

what do you have to drink?

-Root beer.
-Uh, cola.

Scotch on the rocks.

I carry my own.

Did you notice that
the only drink not mentioned

What does that mean?

TZI went kablooey.

Nobody's buying
chocolate milk!

Well, how about them
missiles you told us about?

Did you buy
one of those lately?

-No.
-See?

Mister Jefferson,
could kablooey,

mean something good?

Not a chance, Florence.

There goes my trip
to see my mama.

And my first vacation
in years.

And my mini skirt
and cowboy boots.

Look, ladies,
I'm really sorry.

Oh, that's okay,
Mr. Jefferson.

I mean, you did
the best you could for us.

And you were
hot for a while.

And you said
it was a risk.

Yeah, but I hate
disappointing you.

Oh, listen, honey,

when it comes
to disappointments,

-Oh, well...
-Well, ladies.

Hey, wait a minute. Look, I
got one more thing to tell you.

You're not gonna tell us that
son of a sharecropper story

No. No stories.
This is business.

Okay? Now, as you know,

TZI was heading way up,
up, up, up, up, right?

LADY: Yeah.
Okay.

Okay, so you know, they don't
call me the Fox of Wall Street

So, I said to myself, "Fox,

you know, whatever goes up
must come down."

So, I sold it
before it dropped!

Well, what does
that mean?

That means that we got out
before it went under.

Oh, and it also means
that, uh,

I have here $ check for each
and every one of you.

Fox!

Get that for me, Weez.

Mama, here I come.

Oh, I just got to
give him a big hug.

Uh-uh, not yet, child.
He's still writing.

Ohh! A miniskirt for me
and matching hot pants

Okay, Frances.

Well, what's our next
investment, Fox?

Well, the Fox thinks
we ought to lay low.

-The hounds are out there now.
-Well, how soon then?

I don't know,
a year, two, maybe ten.

Oh, whatever you say,
Fox.

Come on, girls.
Let's go celebrate.

You wanna join us,
Mr. Jefferson?

No, thanks.
Being a financial genius

Mister Jefferson,
are you tearing up?

A little.

This really touched you,
didn't it?

Deeper than you know.

Ooh, thank you. I'm going
straight down to my church

to make a donation
on them stained glass

While you're down there,
burn a candle for TZI.

Oh, what's going on,
Florence?

Oh, Miss Jefferson,
ain't this something?

We each made $
in the stock market.

-You did?
-Yeah, and we

You know, I've said
a lot of things about you

and they still apply.

But I wanna tell you
what I'm thinking

You know, if I had bought
stock in you yesterday,

because your stock
just sh*t up, child.

What are you staring at?

A wonderful man.

Oh, come on, Weezy,
I ain't that wonderful.

I just got lucky
in the stock market,

You did?

Well, your broker
just called and he said

that you lost so much
by sticking with TZI.

Oh.

So, you didn't sell after all.

You took the whole
loss yourself

and paid them
out of our account.

Yeah, you know, Weezy,
the reason is...

George, you don't have
to explain being nice.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Yeah, but it's strange.

Oh, you'll get used to it.

Oh, I'm just
so proud of you.

Oh, yeah? You wanna
know something?

You got every right to be.