09x16 - My Girl, Louise

[bunniefuu]

To a deluxe apartment
In the sky

We've finally got
A piece of the pie

Fish don't fry
In the kitchen

Beans don't burn
On the grill

Took a whole lot of
tryin'

Now we're up
In the big leagues

As long as we live
It's you and me, baby

There ain't nothin'
Wrong with that

Well, we're movin' on up

To a deluxe apartment
In the sky

We've finally got
A piece of the pie

So, I was wondering
if you'd care
to give a donation

to the Help Center.

Oh, I see.

Your husband just
lost his job.

And they just turned
off your heat.

Oh, I see.

Well, how about $ ?

Oh, great!
Tomorrow?

Fine! I'll send it
right over to you.

Florence, maybe I'm
not doing this right.

Oh, it ain't your fault,
Ms. Jefferson.

I mean, it's just
a coincidence that
the Help Center

and the poor folks
both need money
at the same time.

Well, if donations
don't start coming in,
and fast,

the Help Center
could go under.

Hey, Weez.
Set up the tote board.

The money's gonna
start rolling in!

Oh, good.
Now, I can stop licking
these nasty envelopes.

George, that's wonderful.

-Where are we getting the
money from?
-All my friends.

Oh.

I left messages
all over town.

Any minute now
the phone is gonna

start ringing off the
hook with donations.

Keep the lines open.

The lines are open,
George.

You know,
Ms. Jefferson,

you got a name
crossed out here

but it looks like
a pretty fancy address.

Who's name is it?

Um, Mrs. Lillian Warren.

Lillian Warren?
That mean
stuck-up, old bat?

I didn't ask for a bio.

I just wanna know
whether to mail it
or sail it.

Sail it!

Look, Weez, you ain't
gonna have anything
to do with that woman.

George, it's been
years since
I've worked for Mrs. Warren.

I think I should
give her a call.

Are you crazy?
Have you forgotten the
misery she put you through?

I certainly hope not
'cause I'm dying to hear about
it.

Come on, Weez,
tell her all about it.

Maybe then she
can appreciate the
way we treat her.

If you need me,
I'll be over by the phone.

Uh, Florence.
I don't want you to
get the wrong idea.

It wasn't the job.

It was just that
Mrs. Warren treated me like
I didn't have any feelings.

Weez, are you sure
this phone is working?

Yes, George.

Anyway,
she'd do things like...

Oh, I don't know.

She'd make these
veiled accusations.

And not only that,

she had this habit of
marking the Liquor bottles

to make sure
I didn't sneak any.

Now, I could understand
marking liquor bottles,

but cocktail onions?

Lord.

I don't see how
you worked for such
a miserable woman.

Well, Florence,
we needed the money.

Oh, of course.
I understand.

That's the same reason
I'm working for
Mr. Popular over there.

And you know what
I hated most of all?

The way she's
call me her girl.

I hated that
more than anything!

"Let my girl do it."

Or "Leave it with mygirl."

Or "Does my girl
have bus fare?"

The nerve of some people.

I mean, they don't
know how to treat
their maids.

One thing you ain't
got to worry about

nobody calling you "a girl."

You don't have to
worry about nobody
calling you period.

Mrs. Jefferson, do you
mind if I take a break.

Oh, no,
go ahead, Florence.

See, what'd I tell you?

George, that's the doorbell!

Look, I know that, Weez.

I was gonna call
Ralph and tell him
to answer the door.

Oh, it's you.

Yes. And unfortunately,
it's you.

Well, hi, everybody.
LOUISE: Hi.

Oh, Louise, how much
money have we raised?

Well, not enough,
I'm afraid.

I'm not doing
too well myself.

Well, you did
make some money
with my ukulele.

You sold it?

Well, not exactly.

On my way over
to the auction,
I dropped the ukulele.

So, to make sure
I hadn't damaged it,
I opened the case,

and people started
throwing money in it.

So, what did you do?

What else? I smiled and started
playing Sweet Leilani.

-It's Ralph.
-Mr. Jefferson.

Hello, everybody.

-Hi Ralph.
-Hello Ralph.

You're probably
wondering what this
odd-looking device is.

Let me guess,
it's a broom with
a wad of gum on it.

To the naked eye, yes.

But in reality,

it's the Portable Ralph
Hart Handy-Dandy
Lost Change Retriever.

-Patent pending.
-Of course.

Anyway, I've just
come from the laundry

where I did a little fishing
behind the dryers and...

let's say that
today they were biting.

Get to the point, Ralph.

The point is,

I'm donating today's
entire catch to
the Help Center.

Oh.

Thank you, Ralph.
I'll boil this and
add it to the fund.

A quarter Ralph?
I thought you said
they were biting.

Oh. Yes, sir.

But I had to throw
back a couple of pennies.

It's the sportsman in me.

Are you sure that's
all of today's take?

Absolutely, sir.

Well, have a good day.

Look at all that money!

Oh, it's a good thing
you promised us today's
take, isn't it, Ralph?

Uh...

Yes. I guess today's
a red letter day for
both of us, ma'am.

Oh, thanks so much, Ralph.

There must be at least
$ here.

Forty-two dollars
and ninety-five cents...

approximately.

How are we going to get all
this change up?

Oh, George, why don't you
ask Florence where
she keeps the dust pan.

How would she know?

Boy, talk about a spot for
the

Portable Ralph Hart Handy
Dandy Lost Change Retriever.

Oh, that change
don't mean nothing

when all my friends
start calling.

Uh, George, any idea when
that might start?

Louise, is there anybody,
anybody that you
haven't asked for money?

Well, uh...

There is this
wealthy woman
I used to work for.

Well, I always believe
that when you're
asking for money,

it isn't wise to
discriminate against thewealthy.

Yes, Louise.
If she's a prospect,
why not give her a call?

Look, maybe
I should give my
opinion one more time.

-Watch the phone, Willis.
-Right, George.

Okay, I'm gonna
say this once,

and if anybody ever says
that I said it again I'm
gonna deny it. Okay?

There are some things
in this life more
important than money.

Let me rephrase that.

There's one thing,
in life more important
than money.

And that's pride.

Well, George,
what good is pride

if the Help Center
goes under without me
even trying to save it?

Because any minute now
all my friends
are gonna start calling

-and when they call
we're gonna have...
-Oh, George, please...

GEORGE: See?

-I'll get it.
-No, no, no. That's for me.

See I was expecting a call.

See, Weez, now,
that's what call faith.

Now, I'm standing here
saying the phone
is going to ring

and here it is ringing.

Now, you should have
learned a valuable
lesson from this.

You don't have to go to your
enemies

when you want something,
you go to your friends.

-Uh, George...
-Not now, Willis.

See, Weez,
this is beautiful, listen.

See now you
don't even have to
go to that woman.

Because once again
your husband

and his army of
friends have come
to the rescue.

But, boy, I rub it in,
right?

Hello?

They hung up.

Excuse me, Helen.

George,
give me the phone.

I've got an important
call to make.

HELEN: Good.
Why didn't you
answer the phone,

you were sitting
right there?

You told me not to!

Fine, Mrs. Warren,
I'll be there in an hour.

See you then.
Goodbye.

I don't understand,Louise.

Why didn't you
just ask her
over the phone?

It wasn't right, Helen.

If I have to ask her
for a donation, I prefer
to do it face-to-face.

-It's only courteous.
-Courteous, Weezy?

After the way
she treated you?

Look, if you
gotta talk to her

you owe it to yourself
at least to tell her exactly
how you feel about her.

Don't do it, Louise. Remember
it's for the Help Center.

And it's really worth it,
isn't it Tom?

Well, to tell you
the truth, dear,

I can understand
George's point of view.

But there is a way
to vent your anger
without alienating anyone.

For instance, I'm sure
you're all aware that

in my executive position
I staple a lot of papers.

I'm sure you also know

that our office dispenses
these staples on
the honor system.

Oh, yes, ours
was a happy office.

-Until...
-Tom, not the
Bob Dudno story.

Until Bob Dudno
was transferred in.

Everybody else stapled
everything just once

but not Dudno. No!

He stapled everything
three times!

That pig!

George, I tell you,
it almost drove me nuts.

Oh, I could hear
him at his desk
with his papers.

Shuffle, shuffle,
bang, bang, bang.

Shuffle, shuffle,
bang, bang, bang.

-You're kidding.
-Oh, I kid you not.

Oh, and Louise, this
intolerable situation went
on for almost two years!

Well, finally I ask him,

I said, "Bob, don't
you know we have to
ration our staples?"

He acted as
if he didn't know.

But Dudno did know.

Willis, Willis.
That's...

Oh, everybody in
the whole office was
just as mad as I was.

They didn't have
the guts to speak up.

It just kept
gnawing and gnawing
and gnawing at me.

Just like this story, huh?

Exactly.

Well, one day I cornered
him in the mimeo room.

He was running off copies
of something I knew he was
gonna staple three times.

Well, I just marched up
to him and I exploded.

I said,
"Bob, I don't like this!"

And, you know,
I think I reached him,

for the very next day
he sent me a memo.

And it said
on the memo,

"Willis, go to hell."

But, by God, it was
only stapled once!

Well, consider yourselves lucky.
That was the short version.

Well, I got to get going.

I promised Mrs. Warren
I'd be there in an hour.

And it's got to be
way past that by now, huh?

You're making
a big mistake, Weez.

What are you gonna
do if she calls you
her "girl" again.

Oh. I don't know, George.

Maybe I'll just
staple her three times.

I'm so glad you
came, Louise.

Thank you, Mrs. Warren.

You look wonderful.

You haven't
changed a bit.

I had almost
given up on you.

You're a good
five minutes late.

Like I said,
you haven't changed a bit.

-Oh. Won't you sit down.
-Thank you.

Ah, ah, ah.

That's my end of the sofa.

Remember?

I, uh...

I found it
quite mysterious

your coming here
after so long a time.

I... I have a feeling that
you're going to ask me

for your old job back.

I want to save you
some embarrassment.

I already have a girl.

Well, actually,
I don't need a job.

My husband is
doing quite well.

Oh. What line
of work is he in?

Have you ever heard
of Jefferson Cleaners?

Yes.

Oh, isn't
that a coincidence.

Your husband works
for a dry cleaner
with the same last name.

Well, actually,
it's more than
a coincidence.

He owns Jefferson
Cleaners.

Really?

Ah. That strange little
short man who used to pick you
up?

Well...

...if I had known that,

why I would've
been sending my clothes
to him all these years.

It would be nice
having another Jefferson

doing my cleaning,
so to speak.

Ah.

Louise, do smile. You
were always so serious.

There. That's better.

Would you care
for a little sherry'?

Oh, no thank you.

Oh. Well, I think
I'll have just
a little sip.

Well, Louise,
I found it very funny

that you should call me
now after all those years

because, you see,
I was just talking
about you last week.

-Really?
-Yes.

The girl who works for me
wants a new steam iron,

and I asked her,
"What for?"

"It was good enough
for Louise. It should be
good enough for you."

Do you remember
that iron, Louise?

Well, yes.

As a matter of fact,
I was talking about
that iron last week.

A friend asked me,

"How did you get those
little freckles on the
back of your hand?"

And I said, "From
Mrs. Warren's iron."

"It used to spit
scalding water."

You do remember.

Well, while
we're reminiscing,

do you remember
my little dog, Lulu?

Oh, yes.

What a great
little personality.

Sort of like your
iron with legs.

Good, good.
You're feeling better.

Oh, do you remember,
how Lulu used to
watch you wax the floor,

hour after hour,
after hour?

Then walk across it.

Wasn't that adorable?

It was almost
as if she knew.

Uh, Mrs. Warren, about
the reason I'm...

Do you remember...

how she used to
nip at your heels?

Fondly.

She didn't like you,
did she, Louise?

I guess since you
were on your hands
and knees all the time,

it was like you were
down on her level.

And you know how
territorial dogs can be.

Oh, by the way,

she's dead now.

Aw...

Thank you, Louise.

I know that you didn't
come here to talk
about Lulu, did you?

Oh, you caught me.

Mrs. Warren,
I work for a non-profit
organization.

Oh, the cleaners
isn't doing well?

The cleaners
is doing fine.

Good, good.

I do volunteer work for
a social-service organization
called the Help Center.

Oh, that's just lovely.
I was a volunteer,
too, you know.

I donated many
hours to the
East Side Orchid Society.

Now, do you know
that we actually
bred an orchid

that matches the
pillow on this sofa.

Yes.

Uh, but you see,
we help the drug addicts,

the alcoholics,
potential suicides
and unwed mothers.

Well...

That's nice, too.

You see, Louise,
we have a lot
in common.

Well, perhaps you'll
know then what
I'm going through.

And, I guess you
probably know what
I'm here to ask you.

I haven't the
faintest idea.

You see...

if we don't get a
substantial donation
the Help Center

it is going to go under.

Now, Mrs. Warren,

you are the last
person I wanted
to bother with this.

Believe me,
the very last person.

But I'm here to ask
for a contribution.

One question, dear.

How much?

Well, whatever
a woman of your...

...compassion,
generosity, and...

...sensitivity can spare.

What are we laughing at?

Oh.

You were afraid to
ask me for money,
weren't you?

Well, I wasn't exactly
afraid...

Now, now, don't be ashamed
to admit it.

You were my girl,

and you were afraid
to come to me
and ask for help.

-Well, I wasn't exactly...
-Louise...

I am going to write
you a generous check.

And do you know why?

Why?

Not because
the Help Center is
a good organization,

although, I'm sure it is.

And not because
I have lots of money,

which I do,

but it's because you
were always a loyal
and faithful servant to me.

Thank you, Mrs. Warren.

Oh. There's no
need for thanks.

You were truly special.

Which is more than
I can say for the girl
who works for me now.

She is so irritating.

She wants
a vacuum cleaner.

My carpet sweeper isn't
good enough for her.

I have asked her
to clean the windows,
she doesn't do windows.

I ask her to scrub
the pigeon droppings
on the ledge,

she won't do it,
she's too proud.

Well, that's one thing
I never had to worry
about with you, Louise.

You never seemed to
have that kind of pride.

You always were,
and you always will
be my best girl.

Always will be?

Your best girl?

Mrs. Warren,
I am nobody's girl.

And I think
it's about time
I said a few things.

Number one,

I didn't think it was funny

when your steam iron
scalded my hand.

Number two, I didn't think it
was cute when your
precious Lulu bit me.

And number three,
I don't like your attitude.

Well, you are
the same insensitive,

patronizing old...

girl you've always been.

And the worst part of it is,
you don't even know it!

Now if telling you off

means that I'm not
going to get that donation...

then fine
because I do have pride.

Now, if you want to tear up
that check, Mrs. Warren,
you go right ahead.

Here it is.

I made it to
the Help Center.

I'm just sorry it
couldn't be more.

You mean...

After all I've just said,
you still want to give
me this check?

What?

Oh, Louise,
I am so sorry.

I'm hard of hearing.

And... and my hearing aid
is in these glasses.

Vanity, you know.

Well, now,
what were you saying?

Uh...

I was saying...

...this is a very
generous donation.

Thank you so much.

It's my pleasure.

And do you know why?

Because it's for you.

Now I have never
told you this,

but I have always
respected you.

-You have?
-Yes.

You did a lot for me.
You kept me company.

You...
Well, you did everything

I ever asked without
making a fuss about it.

Now, I know
that on occasion

I can be
a little irritating.

You?

-Well, I...
-Well, I know, but you
never complained.

You always understood.

You were very special
person to have around.

You were good to me.

I'm awfully
glad that you dropped by Louise.

So am I, Mrs. Warren.

So am I.

You know,
I've wanted to say all
these things to you

ever since you left
years ago.

Oh, and I have to
say it feels good to say
what you really feel.

Don't you agree?

I couldn't agree more.

Oh, my... Um.

Would you like to
come in the kitchen
and have a cup of tea?

Thank you, Mrs. Warren.

Oh, no. Please...

call me Lillian.

Thank you, Lillian.

I-I hope
you like herbal tea.