10x02 - Mission: Incredible: Part 2

[bunniefuu]

in the sky

a piece of the pie

in the kitchen

on the grill

in the big leagues

it's you and me, baby

with that

in the sky

a piece of the pie

NARRATOR: In our last episode,
George told some Navy buddies

how Tom had recently been
careless with his money.

Maybe uh, West and me
could teach him a lesson,

warn him for you,
run a game down on him.

NARRATOR:
But the lesson was George's,

his friends were crooks,
and the police were no help.

So there was only
one way to get Tom's
$, back.

The same way they got it
from us, we're gonna
have to con them,

we'll just have to
track those guys down

and, and pull a con on them
that they'll never forget.

NARRATOR:
They enlisted George's friend,
Jimmy to help.

NARRATOR: But it became clear
they needed
more professional help.

NARRATOR:
Luckily, Jimmy had a cousin

who had done
this sort of thing before.

Hello.

NARRATOR: And now,
Mission Incredible, Part Two.

Look, don't sweat it, Willis.
Look, we got my man
Jimmy and his cousin

on the job for us.

We'll have the money
back in no time.

Oh, wait a minute,
come here George.

Listen, we hardly know Jimmy.
And we don't know
his cousin at all.

Let's face it,
we don't stand a chance.

Willis, why do you
always got to look

on the dark side
of things.

Look, first of all,
you out $,.

Your wife's gonna k*ll
you. Ain't that' enough?

Well, I'm glad
you're enjoying yourself.

May I remind you
that this is all your fault?

I know that, Willis.
But we gotta trust 'em.
What else are we gonna do?

I'll tell you
what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go in
there and tell Helen the truth

while I'm still young enough
to get another wife.

You can't tell her yet.
Why not?

Okay. First of all,
what is the truth?

Nothing but a lie
that really happened.

What?
And a lie
that really happened,

is just a lie
on top of a lie.

See now, my way
is just one lie.

And you'd be surprised
how many times in life,

that one little extra lie
can make the difference
between heaven or Helen.

God, you're sick.

Willis, wait a minute.
You can't tell 'em now.

Weezy'll k*ll me.
What am I gonna do?

You don't seem to understand.
This is serious. I'm ruined.

My life, as we know it,
is finished, it's...
Helen, how are you?

Oh, Helen darling. Catching up
on a little reading, are we?

Oh, Tom, Louise
is giving me
so many ideas

on how to decorate our new
beach house.

Isn't it great
to be able to share
all this with friends?

Oh, it
certainly is.

And we share a lot
with our friends. Don't we,
George, old buddy?

Well, we've just been
going over wallpaper
designs for the bathroom.

And Helen,
since it is
a rustic home,

the wagon-wheel pattern
would be just perfect.

Yeah, I know exactly what
you mean, Louise.

But since the house is right
on the beach,

don't you think
that maybe a nautical scene,

with little sailboats or
something would be
much better?

Look at that.

Well, I don't know...
Oh, now wait a minute.

I just can't stand
to see you two arguing.

Now, if this house
is going to ruin
your friendship,

I think the only fair thing
to do is just call off
the whole deal.

Let's go upstairs, Helen.

Isn't he darling?

I think he's actually
a little nervous.
Aren't you, Tom?

Uh...

Somewhat, yes.

Well, don't you worry.
You're gonna feel much better
once we get up to the Cape.

Oh yes.
I don't know
about that, Helen.

You know, I mean,
think about it.

What do you really know
about Cape Cod anyway?

First of all, what is a Cod?

A fish, right?
And what is a Cape?

It's that thing
that Dracula
used to wear.

And we all know what kind
of a guy he was, right?

Now think about it.
Do you really want
to live in a place

that's named
after a vampire fish?

I know I wouldn't.

Oh.
Oh, Tom, is anything
the matter?

The matter? Who with? With me?

Why, not at all.
I never felt better.

Fifteen G's man.
I'm telling you

Fifteen G's.
Man, I've never heard

such funny stuff
in all my life.

Who's Jimmy talking to?

Uh, the weather.

What's G's
got to do
with the weather?

That's the nautical term for
fifteen gknots, Weez.

Well, Come on, Louise,
let's finish looking
at these pamphlets.

I really think that we should
go with sailboats...
No, no,

wagon-wheel, wagon-wheel.

George, I'm
in a real bind now.
What am I going to do?

I don't know, I'd go
with the wagon wheels, myself.

Don't worry about it, man.

We're gonna
get the money back.

Oh, we're not gonna
get the money back...

Oh, as big
as Los Angeles is,

there's no way
we're going to find
West and Tyndall.

It'd be like
asking for a miracle.

I found them.

Thank you.

Uh, well, the details
are a little sketchy,

but West and Tyndall,
uh, caught flight -

out of Kennedy about two
and a half hours ago

and are due
to arrive in Los Angeles
International Airport

at approximately : p.m.
Pacific Standard Time.

Now, fortunately for us,
the two gentlemen reside

at a residential hotel called
the uh, Newford, which is
located on Oak and Newford

near downtown Los Angeles,

room and even more
fortunately for us,

the room right next door
has been vacant for five days.

Now, that's five,
as in five hundred, right?
Right.

Because Mrs. Estelle Parks,
the woman who lived there,

uh, moved to Santa Fe
because of her asthma.

I'm sorry it took
so long, fellas,

but my cousin had to stop
and check his meat loaf.

Your cousin
can do all this?

Plus a whole lot more.

Hey man, he used
to do this all the time
before he retired.

And guess what,
he's better than me.

By the way, next time

put your wallet
in your front pocket.

Wow. Well, This cousin
must be great.

This is wonderful George.
Now we can tell the police.

Wait a minute, Willis.
You can't call the police.
The women'll find out.

And remember
what that cop told us.

He said there's
nothing they can do.
Yes, but...

Helen! There you are
again, darling.

Oh, Jimmy, you're
off the phone.

I guess Tom told you
all about our
new beach house.

Well, Mrs. Willis, the way
he's been talking

I probably know
more about it than you do.

Come on, Helen,
let's show Tom
the furniture.

Oh, well, Tom,
Louise and I found
this new living room set.

Look.

Well, it's pretty expensive,
but what do you think?

Well, how about this,
sweetheart, if I say yes
to this furniture,

would you promise never ever
to be mad at me again?

Oh, you know
you can count on that.

Well, Then buy out
the catalog, but let's
never forget this moment.

George, when I think of
what they're about to do,

I can't help feeling
a little jealous.

Don't worry, Weez.
You'll get over it.

Tom, I just want
to say something

right here and now
in front of everybody.

Well, that puts you one up
on me, sweetheart.

I just want to say that

my husband is a saint.

Ever since the day that
we were first married,

whenever I'd want
to spend money on
something frivolous,

he'd stop me.
He'd say, "Helen,

"Helen, we have to save,
we have to save for something
we both really want."

Oh, Tom, Tom,
remember that day
when I lost that $ bill?

Oh, that was nothing,
sweetheart.

Everybody loses
a little money.

Oh, but dollars
is not a little money, Tom.

I know that now.
And you were right
for making me squirm.

Are you all right?
Cigarette cough. Cigarette.

Well anyway, Tom,
you had a dream.

Our dream house.
Oh well, at least,
by Monday, it'll be ours.

And the happiness
that I feel today
is because of,

you know, I don't know
quite how to put it,
it's because of

your financial genius.

Thank you, Tom.

It's almost like she knows.

Oh Tom, Tom,
I'm happy, too.

And you know what I'm
going to do right now?

No. What are you
gonna do now?

I'm going to make
that house a home
that you can be proud of.

No matter
how much it costs.

Come on, Louise.
Let's go upstairs,

so I can order
that furniture
right now.

Oh, darling.

They are quite a couple,
aren't they?

For now.

Will you quit crying, Willis?
Me and Jimmy
don't have a beach house

and we're
taking it like men.

Oh, you...
Come on.

Gentlemen, gentlemen,
gentleman, gentleman, please.

We've only got till Monday,
and time's a-wasting.

Oh, that's right.
But what are we
gonna do?

See the way I figure
it now, the first move
that we should make is...

I'm telling you,
if anybody can get you

your money before Monday,
my cousin can.

But how? The crooks
are in Los Angeles.

And by tonight, we'll be
there with them.
What?

Los Angeles? We're
going to Los Angeles?

Well, that's where
your money is, isn't it?

Come on, Willis.
I want Tyndall

and that coward West,
every bit as much
as you do.

Hold on a minute.
You say West
is a coward?

Yeah.
You see, that stuff's
good to know.

My cousin can use
that kind of stuff when he
gets a plan together.

Well, all right,
George. We'll go.

But I want you
to understand one thing,

since this whole thing
is your fault,

you're going to pay
for everything, everything

we need to pull this off,
including the airline tickets.

That could cost a fortune.

So will traction.

Okay,
you dig this.

He's out one life savings,
he starts treating
his best friend like dirt.

Okay, now, Mr. Jefferson,
as soon as you get
the tickets,

give me a call, so I can
let my cousin know
when to expect us.

He'll already be
at West and Tyndall's hotel

getting things together,
you know, setting things up.

In other words,
spending my money, right?

Oh, wait a minute, George.
I have some
cost-saving for you.

Now, let's see.
Jimmy will need
one round trip ticket.

But you and I will only
need one-way tickets.

Why one way for us?

Well, it makes sense.
If the plan fails, I'll have
no reason to come back.

And you'll be dead.

Come on, come on, come on.

And get moving, right?

Now, I'll wait for your call
and then I will

meet you
at the airport, okay?
Okay.

Now, Tom, dig this man,

as soon as we get
your money together,

I've got a sure way
that you can double it.

Man, have you ever
heard of uranium?

Uranium?
U-a-ranium.

Oh, it sounds interesting.

Can I come in now?

Eh, Florence.
Uh, look, Florence,

I just want to apologize
to you for about the
way I acted before.

You know, but sometimes,
top executives like ourselves

get a little
overprotective about
our work, you understand?

Of course, I'm sure
this is all over your head.

Oh no, I understand.
Oh, good.

I also understand that
if you and Jimmy
don't get Mr. Willis' money

back from West and Tyndall in
Los Angeles by Monday,

that the only way you're
gonna stay a top executive

is if they bury you on top
of a bottom one.

GEORGE: Will you
quit worrying, Willis?

So Florence knows.
I'm telling you,
I made her promise

to keep it a secret.

And deep down, Florence
is probably one of the most

faithful, trustworthy,
and dependable people I know.

TOM: So how much is it
costing you?

GEORGE: Two hundred
and fifty dollars.

JIMMY: Well look,
my cousin's confident
his plan's gonna work.

Who knows?
We could be back home
way before Monday.

GEORGE: Well, I just hope
it's a cheap plan.

We ain't even got
to Los Angeles yet

and already I'm MasterCard's
Man of the Year.

JIMMY: I've already told him
to keep his expenses
down to the bare necessities.

And if we can do it,
he can do it.

Thanks, Jimmy.
No problem.

JIMMY: Say, stewardess?
May I have another
ounce of caviar, please?

Man, would you
look at this place?

Wow, What a set-up.

What'd I tell you guys?
A genius. He's a genius.

The guy can do anything.

Eh, does anybody know
how to hang a shower rod?

Uh-oh.

Hey, Cuz?
Hey, how are you?

How are you doing?
Hey, look here,

this is Tom Willis,
the guy you're helping.
Mr. Willis.

And this is...
George Jefferson,
the guy you're breaking.

Hey, uh, Cuz.
How are things going?

Well as you can see,
everything is fine.

Like I told you,
West and Tyndall
in the room next door.

Now they happened
to leave a few minutes ago,

so I had a chance
to go in there

and plant a little bug,
intercept their phone calls,

and rewire their
television set so I can
short it out right here.

You see? I told you
he was great.

Ever since we were
kids, he was great.

Hey, man, tell 'em about

the junior high school
science fair.
I'm not telling.

No, no, man. Listen, look,

years old
and the boy blacks out

the entire tri-state area
for seven minutes.

Well, what did you get
for that?

Expelled.

Hey, don't let anybody
tell you different.

Con Edison has absolutely
no sense of humor.

And neither do I.
And I ain't got the money
to be paying for no hotel room

that this guy chooses
to decorate
like some launch pad.

Well, how do I know
he can even do anything?

Well, Mr. Jefferson,
I guess

you'll just have to
trust me.

After all, I've done
this kind of thing before.

Well, how am I
supposed to know that?

How do I know you
ain't just some amateur?

Because I already
own a beach house.

Well, look, we know where
West and Tyndall are,

why don't we just
go next door, b*at
the hell out of them,

take our money back
and b*at the hell out
of them some more?

The money isn't there.
They put it in a bank.

How do you know?

I heard them say that
over the speaker
when they got back.

The, uh, cheap speaker
that shorted out

before I could find out
which bank they put it in.

Okay.
Oh, no, well
that's that, I guess.

Because if the money's
in the bank and tonight
is Thursday night,

that leaves only one
full working day
before the deadline.

Now, now, now gentlemen,
all is not lost.

I've known my cousin
for a whole lot of years

and he always
has a plan.

You do
have a plan, don't you, Cuz?

Yes, I do.
And don't call me "Cuz."

Well, you gonna tell us
the plan or we have
to pay extra for that?

Mr. Jefferson,
have you ever heard of
the term, "Armageddon?"

Yeah. Willis?

The end of the world.

Right, so go on.

Well, you see the plan
is very simple.

What we do is we
convince West and Tyndall

that it's coming sooner
than it really is.

Well, all right. Armageddon.

Yeah that's beautiful,
baby, beautiful.

Hey, Cuz,
can I speak to you
for a minute, please?

I have told you before,
don't call me Cuz,

now every time you call
me Cuz, you want something.

I call you cousin, because
our mothers are sisters.

Now man,
what is all of this
Armageddon stuff, man?

I told you I've got
five big ones
on the line here.

My old lady needs
a new pair of shoes,

the rent is due, Con Edison is
gonna turn off my lights

and you know they ain't got
no sense of humor.

Trust me.
"Trust me?"

Do you know how many
babies been born
on account of "trust me?"

Hmm?

Mmm-hmm. One more
than should have been.

Okay, Me and Willis
were talking
and we've decided that A,

I should k*ll you,
B, we should go home,

C, I should k*ll you
and then we should go home

or D, we should hear you out,
then k*ll you, and go home.

Now, I don't need this, man.

Now, my mother called me
this morning asked me
to help you.

Now, this is the last time,
you understand me...

Y'all got a problem
with my cousin's
plan or something?

With ending the world?
Why should
that be a problem with me?

I mean what could it cost me,
maybe three or four billion
dollars for the tidal waves,

a trillion or two
to sink the continent.

In fact, while you're at it,
why don't you just

take out a dollar,
buy yourself a Coke.

Mr. Jefferson,
what you fail to realize,

the basic principle
of every con
is simple. Illusion.

You make the victim
believe what you
want him to believe.

Hey Cuz, that's deep.

And you can do that?
Of course I can.

I've blown up the world
lots of times.

Mr. Jefferson,
have a little faith.

Now, come on, Cuz.
Tell us what we do first.

All right. Now,
when I flip this switch,

it'll scramble
the TV in their room.

Now, they will call downstairs
to the manager's desk,

but the phone
will ring here.

I'll let you know the rest
when you get back.

Back? Back from where?

Hollywood. There's a friend
of mine who owns

a prop house there
and we need a few things.

Now, Mr. Willis
and Mr. Jefferson
can do that alone.

Uh, what about me?
Where do I get to go?

El Segundo.

Beautiful. And me
without a camera.

Jimmy, you know I can't
trust you in Hollywood.

Man...
You know that.

The last time
he went to Hollywood,
he got busted for trying

to sell the tourists
their own little stars
for The Walk of Fame.

He really did.
In fact he went so far

as to have small
yellow bills of sale
drawn up and everything.

He did all of that.
Didn't you, Jim?

It's a disease, man.
I need help.

All right, gentlemen,
is everybody set?

Yeah, I'm ready.
Let's go for it.

I've always wanted
to say that.

All right. Now, listen,
they're watching television.

WEST: No really,
I would've made one heck
of a football player.

That's West.

TYNDALL: Hey, we keep on doing
what we're doing

and you can own your own team.

And that's Tyndall.

And there's
the pass and it's intercepted.

Frankly folks,
I could have thrown
a better pass myself.

Is he in on this too?

WEST: Hey, Tyndall, you think
there's any chance we're
going to get busted, man?

TYNDALL: By who?
The cops can't touch us,

certainly not by that bozo
we ripped off.

Why those arrogant,
two-faced...

Well, it was
pretty stupid, Willis.

WEST: What about Jefferson?
TYNDALL: He's an even
bigger bozo.

Well, gentlemen, as they
say back on Broadway,
"It's showtime."

Hey. What happened?

I don't know.
TV just went dead.

Aw, come on. I wanted
to see that game.

They should be calling over
here any minute.

You sure?

Reasonably.
Hello, manager's desk.

No, I'm sorry,
he got called away.

Is there something
I can do for you?

I see. The TV set
in room ?

Fine, I'll send
somebody right up.
You got it.

See? I told you
he was great.

Alright, gentlemen,
now the directions to the
prop house and the list

are right over here next
to the keys to my van.

Now, I suggest you hurry
because it's gonna be
a long night.

Well, how much
does the van cost?

Necessities, Mr. Jefferson,
necessities.

Oh, this is our list.
"One desk, paint,
brushes, three stage flats..."

I told you, necessities.
"One light, preferably airy
Chardonnay?"

Well, I'm having fish
for dinner.

C'mon, George.
You've got to admit,
he got you there.

Okay, everybody. Let's go.

Say by the way,
I've never been to El Segundo.

Do you know if they have
their own Walk of Fame?

Never mind.

Now wait a minute, George.
Are you sure

that Florence
can be trusted

to keep her mouth
shut about all of this?

Look, Willis, I've know
the woman for years.

For the right amount of money,
wild horses couldn't drag
a word out of her.

And then when this
cousin of Jimmy's

told them they had to
go to Los Angeles
to get the money,

well, child, they flew out
of here this afternoon

like bats out of hell.

But $,?

Now, Helen, this is
no time to fall apart.

We have to be calm,
stay composed,

then wring their necks.

Fifteen thousand dollars!

Now, wait a minute, y'all,
I promised not to tell.

Now even when I found
this piece of paper

that said exactly
where they was going,

I wasn't going
to tell y'all.

But there was two things
that just kept nagging
my conscience.

Now, Helen, Tom
and George could really
get hurt out there.

That was number one.

So what are we going
to do, Louise?

Well, what else
can we do?

We're flying to Los Angeles.
Come on.
And that was number two.

Wait a minute,
Mrs. Jefferson, I'm going to
Los Angeles with you, child.