10x19 - Hart to Heart

[bunniefuu]

in the sky

a piece of the pie

in the kitchen

on the grill

in the big leagues

it's you and me, baby

with that

in the sky

a piece of the pie

And the most frustrating
thing, Florence,

is that to most people,
the job of a doorman
seems so simple.

Well, ain't it?

My stars, no.

I mean, for starters,
the door to this building
opens both inward and out,

which thereby doubles
my responsibilities
right off the bat.

I never thought of that.

Few do.
So with all respect,

I'd have to say
that my job is no doubt
tougher than any maid's.

Now, wait a minute, Ralph.

You don't know about
everything I have to do.

There's the cooking, the
cleaning, the shopping...

Not to mention that.

On top of everything else
I have to do around here,

I have to answer that
doorbell each and every
time it rings.

Day in,

and day out.

You think that's easy?

I can understand that.
Doors can take a lot
out of you.

Sure. See, doors are
all you have to do.

But they're only one
part of my responsibility.

What's going on
in here, Florence?

Didn't you hear the
doorbell ringing?

Well, no, I didn't, but
since you're over there,

would you mind
answering it?

Florence, the doorbell was us.

Oh, well, it works
out perfectly 'cause
you already in.

Oh, would you mind
settling an argument
for us Miss Jefferson?

Whose job do you think is
tougher, mine or Ralph's?

Oh, that's easy. Ralph's.

You don't have a job anymore.

I forgot to mention that.

Along with everything
else, I have to put
up with attitudes.

Well, I was told,

the attitudes are even worse
at the unemployment office.

Now, would you like to help
me put away these groceries?

I ain't got no job
security either.

I'll have a talk
with her, sir.

Perhaps I can inspire her
to work harder by example.

Ralph, don't you have
someplace else you're
supposed to be?

As a matter of fact, sir,
there's someplace I could be.

I'm thinking of asking
Mr. Whittendale for a raise.

Do you think I
have a chance?

Well, I never
say never, Ralph.

I prefer the word
"impossible."

Yes, sir. You know,
you may be right.

I've phoned Mr. Whittendale
three times,

and so far his responses
have been, well,

somewhat negative.
What'd he say?

I don't know.
He won't return my calls.

Do you think he could
be avoiding me?

Look, Ralph. In order
to avoid somebody, you
have to know he exists.

Look, Ralph, you have to make
Whittendale more aware of you.

You have to assert yourself.

Get attention and respect
while you're on the job.

Force people to notice you.

That's good advice, sir.

Perhaps I should get a g*n.

Maybe you should
just get the door.

Yes, sir.

Ralph! I am impressed.
Is there any door
that's beyond you?

Mr. Whittendale's, I'm afraid.

What do you want, Bentley?

Well, Mr. J., I came
to return your golf shoes.

I didn't need them after all.
I bought a meat tenderizer
instead.

What's this about
Mr. Whittendale?

He's nervous about
asking him for a raise.

Ah, a raise, is it?
Yes, it is.

And I, Ralph Hart, definitely
believe I deserve one.

I mean, I do my job,
I do it well, at all
times without exception.

This reminds me, Ralph, did
you pick up my prescription
at the chemist yet?

I'll get to it,
I'll get to it.

You don't have to badger me!

A raise, is it?

Anyway, like I was saying,
Ralph. If you wanna get
something from somebody,

you have to make them
sit up and take notice.

Uh, Mr. J., I couldn't
agree with you more.

Ralph, if I might
give you an example.

You see, a friend of
my family's back in
England is also a doorman.

And on one occasion
when he wanted a raise,
this is what he did.

You see, every morning,
at his post, he would
make it a point

to single out the owner
of the building as he
went by and say to him,

"Have a good day,
Mr. Favershim.
Have a very good day."

And did it work?

Indeed, it did. Mr. Favershim
had many, many good days.

No, I mean, did
he get the raise?

Why do you ask?

Bentley, let me try.

Look, Ralph, if
you want a raise,

you've got to make
yourself believe that
you're worth a raise.

I am, sir.

Well, then, you've got to
make Whittendale believe it.

That I don't know
if I can, sir.

What are you,
a doorman or a dormouse?

I'm a doorman, sir.

I can't hear you!
I'm a doorman, sir!

I still can't hear you!
I'm a doorman, and
damn proud of it, sir!

Then get downstairs
and prove it!

Yes, sir! You've
got it, sir!

Hut! Hut! Hut!

Oh, Mr. J., it's wonderful of
you to help Ralph like that,

but why have you
never told me about
your hearing difficulty?

Florence, correct me if
I'm wrong, but this is
working hours, isn't it?

Ooh, yeah, you'd better
hurry on down to the store.

I'm talking about you.
I want you busy, now!

For your information,
Mr. Jefferson, I finished
my work early today.

Right, Miss Jefferson?
Well...

Well, the next time
that happens, would
you let me know?

I might be able to
think of something
else I want you to do.

I can't do that,
Mr. Jefferson.
Why not?

'Cause you're gonna
think of something else
for me to do.

That's right.
And I just did.

Now, our bedroom closets
are a mess. Get in there
and clean them up right now.

Does it have to be now?
Miss Jefferson...
Well...

"Does it have to be now?"
I don't wanna hear no,
"Does it have to be now?"

I want to hear, "Yes,
sir, Mr. Jefferson, sir.

"I will clean your
bedroom closets, sir.

"My only purpose in life is
to clean your closet, sir."

Get the door!

I'm sorry, sir, but my
only purpose in life, sir,

is to clean your
bedroom closet, sir.

Your rules, sir.

I don't deserve this kind
of treatment, do I, Weezy?

Well...

Mr. Jefferson,

I could kiss you!

You could, but you'd
never be able to use
your lips again.

No. What I mean to say, sir,
is thanks for the advice.

What advice?

Ralph wanted to ask
Whittendale for a raise

and he was afraid, so I
gave him the benefit
of my knowledge.

Oh, well, don't give up,
Ralph. There's still a
chance you could get it.

I'm a cinch. Mr. Jefferson
told me to assert myself.

I did. And I'm
getting noticed.

It's only been an hour.
What could you possibly
have done?

So many things, sir.

For starters, remember how I
used to tip my cap like this?

Ha!

Now, inspired by you,
I'm giving it more of
a flourish.

I think it makes more of
a statement, don't you?

George, you must
be very proud.

That's not exactly what
I had in mind, Ralph.

Ah, that's not all, sir.

I've also adopted an
entirely new attitude
towards non-tippers.

What's that?

I've decided they're entitled
to their mail after all.

Uh, Ralph, I don't
think that's quite
enough to get a raise.

Then wait till you hear this.

Just a half an hour ago,

I spotted a
suspicious-looking man

lurking around my door...

In dungarees, yet.

Dungarees? The fiend.

Yes, sir.
So I dispersed him, forthwith.

How are you at dispersing
yourself, Ralph?

I'll be on my way in a jiff.
You, you haven't heard the
best part yet.

Not five minutes after
I got rid of the vagrant,

I got word that
Mr. Whittendale
wants to see me.

Forthwith?

Yes, ma'am. I'm on
my way there now.

He'll probably commend
me for my good works.

Then I'll bring up the
matter of my salary.

Oh, that's great.
You know, Ralph, whether
you get the raise or not,

I just want you to know,
get out of here.

Yes, sir, and
thank you, sir.

I feel this one's in the bag,
and I owe it all to you.

May I say something, sir?

It's great to be alive!

I want to die!

Ralph, calm down and tell
us what happened up there.

Do you wanna know
what happened?

Think about it.
What's the worst thing,

the worst possible thing that
could happen to a doorman?

The breaking
of both hands?

No, sir. No, sir.
It's worse.

Much worse than that.

I'm being replaced...
By an a*t*matic door!

An a*t*matic door, I
still can't believe it.

I mean, it's something
every young doorman thinks
about when he's starting out.

But you always say to
yourself, "Nah. It'll
never happen to me."

Oh, well, Ralph, maybe you're
jumping to conclusions.

Now, who's to say, just
because we're getting
an a*t*matic door,

that we're gonna
lose our doorman?

Mr. Whittendale gave me
two weeks' notice, ma'am.

Okay, then at least now
we know who's to say.

Smooth, Weez. Look,
Ralph, we're sorry.

You're sorry? Huh, huh...

Sir, you don't understand.

Nobody understands.
I mean...

It's not that simple.

You see...

My father was a doorman.

And his father before him.

I remember when I was six
years old, Dad took me down
to the Chrysler Building.

We stood at the
entrance, staring

at those big brass
door handles.

And Dad said to me,

"C'mon, Ralphie, show
me what you've got."

God, I wanted to impress him!

And what happened?

You had to ask.

I reached up and
grabbed a handle.

I had to reach up
in those days.

Anyway,

I pulled that door
open like a champ.

Oh, sure, I knew Dad was
back there pulling with me,

but it still felt pretty
wonderful, just the same.

Well, Ralph, you still
have your memories.

Yeah.

Well, Ralph, uh,
speaking of doors, I
just happen to have one.

Yes, sir, I suppose
I've bothered you kind
people long enough.

I wish there was
something we could do.

As a matter of fact,
ma'am, there is.

I was thinking.
How's about you
start a petition?

You know, to keep things
the way they've always been?

A petition?
A petition! Of course!

What a great idea.
Why didn't I think of that?

I'm behind you %.
Weezy, get that rolling
right away.

Thank you, ma'am.

And thank you, sir.

I'll come back tomorrow
morning for the results.

Oh, and, uh, we'll b*at
this thing together, sir.

We'll do it as a team.
Because united we stand,
divided we...

I can't believe it.

Over tenants
in this building,

and the ones who signed
Ralph's petition were
the Willises and us.

Yeah, I can't
believe it either.

I didn't think Helen was
that crazy about Ralph.

Oh, now, that's him.

One of us is gonna have to
break the bad news to him.

Don't worry about it,
Weezy. I'll take care
of the whole thing.

Ralph, come on in.

Weezy's got something
to tell you.

Oh, Ralph! What happened?

It was a rough night,
ma'am. I'm afraid I
had one too many,

took a stroll past
the supermarket door

and punched out
the electric eye.

Well, what happened
to your leg?

The door fought back.

Any luck with the petition?

Oh, look, Ralph. You
already got your uniform.

Why don't you try and
find some work like a,
a general or something?

Are you trying to tell me

that we didn't get the
required amount of signatures?

Ralph, we didn't
get any signatures.

Now don't take it personally.

Just you and the Willises?

Tell me the truth, ma'am...

Did you sign for Mrs. Willis?

Okay, that's it.
That's it.

I'm all washed up.

I've opened my last door,
hailed my final taxi cab.

I might as well cut
off my epaulets.

Wait a minute, Ralph.
Don't do that.

You've gotta check with
your wife first, don't you?

I just want to thank
you for everything.

And I want you to know

that no matter what happens
to me, where I wind up,

skid row, soup kitchen,

all-night laundry, reading
yesterday's Times...

I'll always remember,

you were my friends.

Didn't do me any good,

but you were my friends.

I wish there was something
more we could do.

Now that you mention
it, ma'am, there is.

I was thinking maybe,

Mr. Jefferson,
you could invite
Mr. Whittendale

down here this afternoon to
speak to him on my behalf.

C'mon, Ralph,
you're asking a lot.

I'd have to make
a phone call.

Please, sir.
You're my last hope.

My children are telling me
they don't love me anymore,
they don't respect me,

they don't want me.
My children don't want me!

Oh, Ralph, that's terrible.

Yes, ma'am. And imagine
how they'll feel when they
find out I've lost my job.

George, look at him.
Now you know what
you have to do.

Yeah, Weezy. Here,
Ralph, here's a buck.

Oh, George!

Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'll get Whittendale down
here about :.

I think you oughta
be here, too.

Oh, well, sir, I don't
think I can be as eloquent
as you can alone.

I know that, I just want
him to see what a pathetic
wreck you've turned into.

Good thought. Oh!

About that buck?

Ahem. Mr. Jefferson, does
Mr. Whittendale know

he's coming down here
to talk about me?

Of course not. We want
him to show up, don't we?
Yeah.

Oh, now, Ralph, just relax.

Now, the key is to stay
calm and try to look on
the bright side.

Did I tell you about the
horrible, horrible nightmare
I had last night?

Ralph, you're not trying.

It was awful, ma'am.

I was standing at the end

of an endless hallway.

It was lined with closed
doors. Thousands of them.

But I couldn't open
up a single one.

I raced to the first
one, and then the next
one and the next,

but not one of
them would open.

I was frantic. I woke
up screaming to my wife,

"Hold me! Hold me!
Please, hold me!"

And what did she do?

Nothing, she
sleeps in the den.

Oh, there he is!
That's Whittendale.
Now, remember, Ralph.

Now, just do what
I told you. Be as
pathetic as possible.

Just be yourself.

Mr. Whittendale.

Jefferson, you
wanted to see me?

Yes, thanks for coming down.

Hart? Shouldn't you
be down at your post?

The workman are coming to
measure the doorway today.

Ah...

Uh, Mr. Whittendale, Ralph
here is what I wanted to
talk to you about.

Yes, well, it's too bad
we're gonna lose him.
But, that's progress.

Do you really think
it's progress, sir?
Yes, it is.

That's good enough for me.

George! Look, Mr. Whit...

Sit up, Ralph.

Mr. Whittendale, what we
wanted to talk to you about
is keeping Ralph on.

Now, we are not crazy about
the idea of an a*t*matic door,

but we feel that the
building would be better
served by a human being.

Oh? Who did you have in mind?

Oh.

Uh, and I think, uh,

most of the tenants in the
building feel the same way.

All right, I'm
willing to listen.

Give me three good reasons
why I should retain Hart here.

Okay, I will.

One...

One, if you have large
packages, Ralph will
open the door for you.

Two...

Two...

George?

What, Weezy?

Help Ralph.

Oh, okay.

Two.

Mr. Whittendale, the
man has a family.

You can have them if you
give me my job back, sir.

Oh, come now, Hart.
With all respect, I'm sure
you can find another job.

But see, Mr. Whittendale,
Ralph is more than just a
doorman.

He's our friend. We've
known him for years.

You can still have him over.

Don't you think he'd
be cheaper than an
a*t*matic door?

We can always have you over.

I'll get it.

What a minute, Weezy,
where are your manners?

Ralph, how 'bout
one for the road?

Yes, sir.

And thank you, sir.

What did you do to
your hand and foot?

Nothing that won't heal,
sir. Wish I could say
the same for my heart.

Oh, Ralph.

Hi, everybody. What,
what're you doing here?

We heard the news
about you, Ralph.

And Mr. Whittendale's
secretary told us he was here.

Can we speak to
him for a moment?
Well, I don't know...

Show them in.

Ah, Mr. Whittendale, as
tenants of this building,

we protest the dismissal
of Ralph the doorman.

We're here to ask
you to keep him on.

Well, people, as I told
the Jeffersons here,

I'm willing to listen.

What do you have to say?

Mr. Whittendale, I have a dog.

A beautiful, pure-bred
pedigreed retriever.

Ralph walks her for me.

It's the only time
Sheba gets out.

Sheba recently gave birth
to five

of the homeliest mongrel
puppies you ever saw.

Now, most people
might be upset,

having a purebred violated
by some mangy mutt.

But I have to say, that
those little puppies

have brought a lot of
love into my lonely life.

She named the runt after me.

I would just like to say that
Ralph Hart is a treasure.

Ralph Hart is a friend.

Mr. Whittendale,
I'm a finicky person.

I, I don't get along
that well with people.

Knowing this, Ralph Hart
combed the entire city,

until he found just the
right cab driver to suit me.

And now I give that man all
of my business. All of it.

And I must say I, I think
I've made a good friend

in Sidney Hart, a
wonderful cab driver.

Sidney Hart?

Kind of a coincidence,
isn't it, sir?

And I'd like to put this
to you, Mr. Whittendale.

We don't want
an a*t*matic door.

An a*t*matic door
can't tip its cap.

An a*t*matic door
can't say, "Good morning."

An a*t*matic door can't
tell you if it's raining.

Well, I must say. I wasn't
aware Hart does all that.

He doesn't.

But the point is, he could.

Well, that's quite a
testimonial, Hart.

These people seem
to care about you.

Well, as my father used
to say, "People are funny."

Sorry, that was
Art Linkletter, sir.

Well, everybody,
here's what I think.

My advisers told me that an
a*t*matic door would be more
practical and more efficient.

Now, to a man like me,
with a building to run,

and a myriad of
complicated decisions to
make day in and day out,

this issue's just
not that big a deal.

You want Hart, you've got him.

Congratulations.

You got your job back.

Oh, thanks to your
good friends.

I'm so happy for you.

I just don't
know what to say.

I do. Where's that
bucks you promised me?

? He only offered me .

Me too. Uh-uh, it's
$ a piece, Ralph,
or we blow the whistle.

Just a minute.
Calm down, calm down.

You'll all be satisfied.

It's only money.

Okay, okay,
we're square.

And if I ever catch you even
looking at my Sheba, I'll
bury you, you understand?

Wait a minute,
what about mine?

Your what, sir?
My bucks.

You don't exactly qualify.

See, you're, well, you're
different from the others.

Oh, yeah? How's that?

Unlike them, you actually
live in the building.

Good day, sir.