11x19 - State of Mind

[bunniefuu]

in the sky

a piece of the pie

in the kitchen

on the grill

in the big leagues

it's you and me, baby

with that

in the sky

a piece of the pie

So, Louise, what do you hear
about your new
next door neighbor?

Oh, Helen, you know me.
I'd never pry.

Ooh, Mrs.
Jefferson, guess what?

You know the dirt you wanted
on that new
next door neighbor?

Well, I got some.

Well, as president
of the Tenant's Council,

I consider this
my official responsibility.

Dish.

Well, her name
is Robin Richardson.

She's rich,
young and single,

drives a brand new
$ , sports car,

owns about pairs
of shoes.

Her Momma and Daddy
cosigned her lease for her.

Reads all the latest
rock magazines
and guess what?

She is throwing a major party
at her place tonight.

Well, go back out
and get all the details.

Me?
What are you talking about.

I ain't no snoop.

You know,
Florence has a point.

That girl's business
is none of ours.

Oh, you're right.

Let's just let it rest.

pairs of shoes?

Uh, careful.

Just a cr*ck.

I can't see a thing.
Hold on a second.

I saw this once on
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

HELEN: There she is.

Young.

LOUISE: Thin.

TOGETHER: We hate her.

Oh, now wait a minute.

It's not fair to make
snap judgments
based on one little look.

You're right.

HELEN: She's thin.

LOUISE: She's too young.

TOGETHER: She's coming!

Hey!
What are you guys doing?

Just being guys.
Cool.

Yeah, I'm Robin,
your new neighbor.

We know.

She means we know
you're gonna
like it here.

I'm Louise Jefferson.

And this is my friend,
Helen Willis.

Hello.
Hi.

So what's with
the mirror?

Oh, the mirror?
Oh, well, this...
Uh, Helen?

Oh, this?

Well, uh... Oh, darn.
There's the elevator.

You know,
I would love
to stay and chat,

but I've got to get down
to my apartment.

Down?

Helen, your apartment
is upstairs.

I'm taking
the scenic route.

Nice meeting you, Robin.
Yeah.

Oh, darn.

Now we'll never know
what the mirror was for.

Well, I know what I'd do
with it if I were you.
Here, take a look.

See, now your makeup looks
sort of... What's the word?
Um, washed out.

That's two words, dear.

Oh, Louise,
you know what you need?

Blusher!

It'll bring out
your cheek bones.

Oh, but, thank you.

Robin, I like my cheek bones
where they are.

No prob.

When we have more time
next week, I'll bring over
my big makeup kit.

We'll do over
your whole face.

Oh, goody.
ROBIN: Yeah.

So, what would be
a good day?

Uh, tell you what,
let's play it by ear.

Good deal.
Listen, I gotta go.
I'll catch you later.

Not if I catch you first.

Deja vu!

Listen, Louise.

You know, Louise
sounds so formal.
Can I call you Louie?

No.
ROBIN: Okay.

Well, anyway, the reason
I came back is 'cause

I forgot... Well, can I borrow
some confetti
for my party tonight?

Aw, gee,
I used the last of mine

when the astronauts
rode down Fifth Avenue.

Why don't you try
Mr. Bentley in E?
Thanks, Louise.

Oh, here, try this lipstick.
It's called Bubblegum Pink.

Oh, thanks,
but I always wear Juicy Fruit.

No, keep it, really.
'Cause it'll make your teeth
look much whiter.

Bye!

Anyway, Harry,
I hate to start out
our friendship

by having to ask you
a favor but...

Nonsense.
Favors are the backbone
of the Good Neighbor System.

But I must warn you,
Wayward Borrower, I'm all out
of milk and sugar and eggs.

No prob.
'Cause what I wanted,
I wanted some confetti.

Oh, well, come right in.
Oh.

You mean you have some?
Yes, and if there
isn't enough,

I have a stack of comic books
and a Cuisinart.

Yay! I didn't think
I'd ever find any.

You mean you've already
asked other people?

Well, only the old lady
who lives next door.

Old lady.

Old lady?

What a hell
of a funny show this is.

What is it?

Minutes.

What comes on next?

Oh, George,
this is ridiculous.

All we do is sit here
like dummies, watching
other people's made-up lives.

You're right,
let's go to the movies.

I don't want to watch.

I want to do.

We used to get out and do
fun things when we were young.

Oh, I know!
Hey, get up.
Come here, come here.

Let's drive out
to Coney Island

and take a walk on the beach
like we used to.

See, that's a great idea.
I'll get your sweater.

GEORGE: Hey, hey!

Oh, you know, you're right.

Those sea breezes get chilly.

You'd better get
coats instead!
GEORGE: Check!

Oh, and with all
the broken bottles
on the sand these days,

we need heavy shoes.
GEORGE: Check!

Oh! Oh, you know
what I just remembered?

Those horrible fleas.
They eat me alive.

Don't forget the bug spray!

GEORGE: Gotcha, Weez.

Surf's up!

Oh, George
I'm not
in the mood anymore.

Surf's down.

Hey, tell you what.

Want to go up to Mario's
and have one of those

kitchen sink pizzas
like we used to?

That sounds great.
Let's go.

Although that neighborhood
has gone to pot lately,
hasn't it?

And wasn't Mario
having trouble
with the Board Of Health?

Yeah, Weez.
But now we've got
the bug spray.

George, I don't know
why you suggested
that hole in the first place!

I guess I lost my head.

Hey, you know
who I hope this is?

Who?

Anybody.

I spoke too soon.

Hi, you two.

Listen, who'd like
to go get ice cream cones?

Hey, that's
a great idea. Weez.

Where's Tom?
Oh, he went on ahead.

There are flavors.

Do you realize
how much exercise
you have to do to burn off

the calories of a single scoop
of ice cream at your age?

Well...

I'll tell you what.
I'll start exercising
right now.

I'll exercise
my option to leave.

I don't understand.

Is it just me,

or is Helen
a big dud lately?

It's just you.

Oh, George.

Wake up, sweetheart.

Uh, open your eyes.

George! Wake the hell up!

I can't sleep.

Sure you can, Weez.
I've seen you do it
a hundred times.

But doesn't that music
bother you?

Yeah, it needs more bass.

George, I want you
to go over there

and tell that girl
to turn that music down.

What girl?
The new girl in C.

The one I've watched
moving in the past two days.

And people think
you have it easy.

Oh, George.
You should see
her furniture.

All pillows.

I think everything she owns
folds out into a bed.

And you know
what that means,
don't you?

It means when I get over there
I have a place to sleep.

What's the matter?

GEORGE: I just saw Florence
in curlers!

What was that?

They have sharp bristles.

Florence, do you know
that this building
was a nice building to live in

before Robin moved in?

I'm sorry, but she's
completely out of control.

Did you see
what she had on today?

I own belts
wider than that miniskirt.

Oh, ow!

Hey!
Open up in there!

Louise, shh!
Now, some people
may be trying to sleep.

Hey!

And how cute robe.

It almost looks
like real silk.

It is.
Well, can I spot 'em?

Listen, I'm having a party.
Why don't you come in
and join us?

No, thank you.
I'm looking for my husband.

He came over
a half an hour ago.

Your loud music
woke him up
and he's mad as hell.

Gee, I haven't seen
anyone around
that looks like that.

But you're welcome
to come in and take a look.

Well, he's not getting
any younger, you know.

He works hard
and he deserves
his rest, poor man.

Let's party!

That's right,
Mrs. Pardella.

We're having
a meeting here
later this afternoon

to discuss a big problem
in the building.

No, I'm afraid
we don't have
enough chairs

for Mr. Whiskers,
Pookie and Boris.

All right, your cats
can elect one representative.

But he doesn't get a vote.

Goodbye, Mrs. Pardella.

Mrs. Jefferson,
I am not setting no chair
for no cat.

We have to accommodate
Mrs. Pardella.

I need everybody's support
if we expect to do anything
about that girl.

You are really
on the warpath.

It's not me.

I'm just thinking of some
of the older tenants
in the building.

Just consider it a favor
from me to them.

Well, as long as
you're handing out favors,
do one for me.

Oh, Robin.
Hey, Weezy.

Listen, your cute
little husband told me
he's in the cleaning business.

So I thought you'd be
the perfect one to talk to.

Okay, now I know
you're supposed to put
all the whites together.

But where do you put
the creams, and the ivories?

Well, the creams and ivories
I'd put with the whites.

And this,

I'd put down
the garbage disposal.

Too much party hearty!

Hey!
Have you ever tried
wearing teal?

No.
Good.

Where should I stick this
in with the darks or brights?

Oh, well,
you're the expert.
You know where to stick it.

Don't tempt me.

Hey! You know,
this is a super cute place.

I can't believe
it's so furnished.

Well, we are funny
that way.
Oh, yeah?

Well, how long
have you lived here?
Eleven years.

You're kidding!
Some of this furniture's
probably older than I am.

Oh, no. We redecorated
right around the time
you hit puberty.

You cr*ck
me up, Louise.

Well, I'd love
to sit and joke all day but...
Oh, no, I'm sorry.

I got more
important things to do.

Like making a dent
in this mess.

Oh, uh, now just two more
wash related questions.

Number one,
where do I do my laundry?

In the basement.
Thanks.

And, number two,
how do I do my laundry?

Well, you go downstairs.
You put the clothes
in the machine.

You wash the clothes.

You put the clothes
in the dryer.

Dry the clothes.

And your husband
gets paid for this?

Well, he has to do something
to fill his time
between parties.

I hear you.

Oh, that reminds me,
party tonight.
Be there or be square.

Good try and goodbye.

Now, attention, attention.
Please be seated.

I'd like to sit
on the couch, please.

Why do you have
to make trouble?

Oh, I'm sure
we can find room
on the couch.

Yeah, Mr. Whiskers
can move over.

He needs a straight chair
for his back.

I want to sit
on the couch!

The couch would be fine.

Fine for you.
You don't have
to live with his back.

Now, don't start
with Louise.

Oh, push up your glasses.

Men are such children.

Please, can we get
to the reason
why you all are here?

I'm here
for the refreshments.
Oh, Al.

Don't start.

Did I hear "refreshments?"

Now I've got two kinds
I've got ham and cheese.
Oh.

And cheese and ham.

Oh, oh, we'll have
refreshments later.

But I got them right here.
Florence, don't start.

Now, our first order
of business
is the disturbance

that we...
Who wants to see the pictures
from our Hawaiian Cruise?

They're not very good.
Al took them.

Friends! Friends!

Now we can all look
at pictures later
when we have more time.

Now can we please
get to the issue at hand?

Yes.
Mr. Whiskers will have milk.

Mrs. Pardella?
Is that the issue at hand?
Yeah.

Aren't we still discussing
refreshments?

Refreshments?

Not now, Florence.

Well, excuse me.

Now, the reason
I called
this meeting today

is to discuss the invasion
of our peace and privacy.

Your glasses
are slipping.

I want them to slip.

Well, let them slip.

Just listen.

Now, this building
has been a lovely place
to live, right?

ALL: Right!
What?

Where people
are considerate

and thoughtful
of everybody, right?

ALL: Right!

And we want to keep it
that way, right?

ALL: Right!

So you all agree that we have
to do something
about this Robin, right?

Robin?

Why, Robin is like
a breath of 'fresh air.

Al, you remember
how she greeted us today

in the hall
with that lovely hello?

That was a lovely hello.

And she throws
a hell of a party.

You were there?
Mr. Whiskers and I
closed the place.

Well, I just feel
that we don't need
this kind of disturbance.

Louise,

this is exactly
the kind of disturbance
that we do need.

Yes. He's right.
Mr. Whiskers
is years old.

That's to you and me.

But every time I bring
a new little kitten home,

he starts acting
like a boy again.

Louise, you know
your problem?

You're turning
into an old fuddy duddy.

What's going on here?

Jefferson, I owe
you an apology.

For what?
Well, you know
all these years,

I've been hearing
about that nut in D,
I thought they meant you.

Thank you.

Nice guy.

Weez, what's the matter?

Oh, George.
Just forget about it.
No. What's going on here?

We were just having
a discussion about Robin.

Oh, Weez, still mad
about the party?
No.

Then what's the matter?

We just had a meeting

to see what some
of the tenants
had to say about her.

Oh, Weez, now you know
what the old people
are gonna say.

Oh, fine George.
That's just fine.

Now you're calling me
an old lady, too!

What're you talking about?
Who called you that?

She did!
The one you're defending!

Robin?
Aw, Weez, well, you...

And you want to know
the worst part?

She's right.

She's right?
What do you mean, she's right?
She is not right, Weez.

Look, you work
at the Help Center
hours a week

and you take care of me.

You're not old.

George, I'm...
I'm not the girl
I used to be.

I'm not the kid who met you
in my mother's big,
pink sweater

and my sister's dungarees.

But I like you better
in your own clothes.
They fit better.

And I'm not the girl
who liked
to stay up all night

to watch the sun rise
on our fire escape.

What different does it make?
The sun stays out
all day anyway.

And I'm not the girl
you kissed under the bleachers
at Evander Childs High.

Hey, what does Velma Stokes
got to do with this?

George, I'm... I'm
not the girl you married.

I'm not the girl
I used to be.

Weez, to me you are.

George, thanks for trying.

Look, find out who that is
and get rid of them.

I'll meet you out
on the fire escape.

Oh, hello, Robin.
Hi, Weez.

Can I borrow something
if that's okay?

More confetti?

Not quite.
Do you have
a heating pad?

You need a heating pad?

Oh, well, come in
and sit down.
Yeah.

This young kid
who's teaching
my aerobicize class

she must be
all of years old.

She thinks everybody
in the world can do
a hundred sit-ups.

Oh?

Well, can't everybody?

Thanks a lot.

Anyway, I totally roached
my back, okay?

So I decided to go
to the record store,
buy a little ear relief.

But all these kids listen
to nowadays is this
Duran Duran stuff.

I mean, whatever happened
to the great groups we used
to listen to like Pink Floyd!

Well, I guess
time marches on.

Even for your friend Floyd.

Weez, you ever
just feel old?

Oh, once in a while.

But then something
comes along to remind me

that everything's relative.

You mean kinda like
today those young kids
made me feel old,

but really young kids
would make feel old?

Exactly.
And you know what?
Hmm?

None of that matters.

'Cause age
is just a state of mind.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Geez.

Thanks, Weez.

No. Thank you.

Oh, Robin?

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Thanks, Weez.

So, so, are we gonna be
friends or what?

Oh, we are going
to be friends.

But, please,
do me a favor.
Hmm.

Don't call me Weez.
That's just for my husband.

You got it, Louise.

Oh, my...