03x01 - A Ruler's Melancholy

[bunniefuu]

[AINS]

Raise your heads.

[SERVANTS]

Lord.

[AINS] You all fulfilled

your roles splendidly

during our operation in

the kingdom of Re-Estize.

[AINS]

Sebas. Solution. Come forward.

[AINS] I'm certain the

information you gathered

will prove invaluable.

Therefore, I have

decided to honor

your diligent efforts

with a reward.

Sebas.

Lord.

[AINS] You asked that

I spare Tuare's life,

and indeed I shall,

but I do so to repay a debt

to a prior associate,

not in response to your efforts.

Therefore I shall grant

you something else

that you desire, as well.

[SEBAS] Lord Ains, my only

wish is to devote myself--

[AINS]

If you hope to please me,

then I highly suggest you

accept my generosity.

[SEBAS]

My apologies. In that case,

I would ask for clothes

and other daily

necessities for Tuare.

[AINS] Granted. I shall

provide the necessary gold.

Perhaps she can accompany you

on a bit of a shopping date.

[SEBAS]

You jest, my lord.

[AINS]

Not at all.

Then you have my gratitude.

[AINS] Now, Solution,

tell me what you desire

so that I may grant it.

I would like to request

a small selection

of humans, Lord.

If possible, I would

prefer them to be alive.

And if those humans

were innocent as well,

that would give me

the utmost pleasure.

[AINS]

Living humans, you say? Granted.

However, I will not

allow innocent ones.

Forgive me, but I fear

I cannot grant your wish

exactly to your specifications.

[SOLUTION]

It's more than enough, my lord!

[AINS]

Next. Entoma.

[ENTOMA]

Lord.

[AINS] It seems that your

voice has yet to return.

[ENTOMA] Do you find

me repulsive, my lord?

[AINS]

Certainly not.

Your efforts are all

that matter to me,

and they have earned

you a reward.

[ENTOMA]

In that case, Lord Ains.

I would have the voice

of the woman who stole mine.

Should the need to

k*ll her ever arise,

I ask that you give me

the order to do it.

[AINS]

Ah, the girl with the mask.

She remains a mystery

to me. But very well.

I will call for you

if such a time arises.

[ENTOMA] You have my

gratitude, Lord Ains.

From the depths of my heart.

[AINS]

Mm.

[AINS]

Ah.

Mm. That's the stuff!

[AINS]

I had to get a bit creative,

but I finally found a way

to clean these bones of mine.

[AINS] Who knew a slime bath

would be so refreshing?

It didn't sound very

appealing at first,

but I wish I'd tried

this ages ago.

I can feel my gooey friend

slithering its way

into every nook and cranny.

[AINS sighs]

[MOMONGA] This might be

the most Japanese thing

I've done since I

came to this world.

Hot baths are a

national pastime!

I may be all bones,

but a love for bathing

is in my blood for sure!

Well, not that I had

the time or money to enjoy

anything this fancy back home.

[MOMONGA] I wonder if I

embarrassed Sebas back there.

Tuare does dote on him, though.

Demiurge said they seem close.

If they go on that

date in E-Rantel,

maybe I'll wear a

disguise and tail them.

Just kidding.

[AINS]

Still, as their supervisor,

it's my job to ensure

that my employees--

or subordinates--

enjoy their time off!

[ECLAIR]

Do not leave a single speck

of dust behind, understand?

--[MANSERVANTS] Yee!

--[MAIDS] Yes.

[ECLAIR] Heh! For, surely,

this Great Tomb of Nazarick

shall be mine to command soon!

[MANSERVANTS]

Yee!

[ECLAIR]

Mm-hm!

[ECLAIR] Why, I didn't

notice you standing there!

Lovely weather we're having.

A fine morning!

[ECLAIR]

Hm?

[FOIRE]

Looks like you're in top form

this morning, Cixous!

That's because I'm taking

care of Lord Ains today.

[LUPISREGINA] Oh! So you need

the extra calories, huh?

Whoa. Miss Lupisregina!

You just had to sneak up

on us, didn't you?

Goodness, you nearly

made my heart

leap out of my chest!

[giggles] Can you blame me?

That look on all your

faces was priceless!

I'll have to try this

back in the village.

[FOIRE]

What village?

These days, I've been working

at a human settlement

called Carne Village.

[LUMIERE] Humans, huh?

That must be taxing.

More like a total bore!

I was hoping for a gig

with a little more

excitement, you know?

[ECLAIR] Unhand me!

Unhand me this instant!

I have highly important

cleaning to do!

--[MAIDS shriek]

--[MAID D] It's CZ!

[MAID E]

Hey, CZ!

[CZ]

So there you are.

[ECLAIR] My insides! They're

about to become outsides!

[CZ] I wish you would stop

misusing Complete Invisibility.

I know, sorry!

[CZ] On top of that,

you started without me.

You said we'd have

breakfast together.

[LUPISREGINA]

sh**t, I forgot!

That sure did surprise me!

I'm just happy we got

to see Miss Lupisregina.

[MAIDS chuckle]

[gasps]

[CIXOUS]

Gotta refocus.

I'm taking care of

Lord Ains today!

Okay! It's time to go!

[CIXOUS]

Good morning to you, Lord Ains.

[AINS]

Mm.

[AINS] Ah, always here

well ahead of schedule.

You are permitted to enjoy your

breakfast at the very least.

To be frank,

serving you is my joy,

and the greatest

honor in my life.

That goes for the

rest of the maids

and the eight-edge

assassins, as well.

[CIXOUS] We only come

early because, with you,

we treasure every moment.

[AINS] It was not my

intent to reprimand you.

But did you rest well yesterday?

I did!

In order to serve

the Supreme One

with every fiber of my being,

I ensured that I rested

most thoroughly.

[AINS]

I see.

[MOMONGA] It's like we're

running a sweatshop here.

[knocking]

[MOMONGA]

If I don't order them to rest,

they'll work

themselves to death!

Loyalty is nice,

but there's a limit!

And they're alive, so I

can't just reprogram them

like when they were NPCs.

[CIXOUS]

Lord Ains.

Lord Demiurge is here

to meet with you.

[AINS] If you're looking

for Albedo, she's off.

My lord. She's "off"?

[AINS] I requested that she

spend the day in leisure

with the other female

floor guardians.

And this

is something I put together

for the male floor guardians.

I had hoped to include Sebas,

but he's occupied

with Tuare today.

I'll invite him next time.

What is it?

[AINS]

An information circular.

Come to me, my cavalry beast!

Whoa!

That's way more fancy

than a regular bicorn!

Look his horns. And his

muscles are so taut!

Indeed so!

He's truly worthy of the

title "w*r Bicorn Lord."

Although, technically,

any level Bicorn

would look like this.

[AURA] I see. So what

do you call him, then?

A bicorn. I just said.

I don't mean its

species! Its name!

[ALBEDO]

Does he need one?

That's up to you

since he's your pet.

He's more of a w*apon

than a pet, actually.

Also, I'm not quite certain

that I'm summoning

the same bicorn each time.

Well, you could

always ask Kyouhukou,

since he's so good

at summoning things.

I don't know if that expertise

applies to anything

other than cockroaches, though.

[ALBEDO]

Kyouhukou?

I know he's loyal to

Nazarick, so I feel bad

for disliking him,

but his appearance

is rather distressing.

Yeah. No kidding.

His family can never behave!

They skitter up in your clothes

and it's just the worst!

I can feel their

little legs now!

[SHALLTEAR]

That's enough!

You're making me positively

itchy! How vile!

I'm relieved to see that

everyone is on the same page.

[AURA]

Back to the bicorn.

Are you gonna name him or not?

[ALBEDO] If I did, I would want

it to have a dignified name.

Something that

embodies my passion

and dedication for Lord Ains!

How about "Top of the World?"

[SHALLTEAR sighs]

Lord Ains certainly is

the top of the world, but is it

appropriate to ride on him?

[ALBEDO chuckles]

[growls]

Let's forget the name.

Hey, why don't you take him

for a quick test ride?

[BICORN whinnies]

[ALBEDO]

Am I doing something wrong?

[AURA] Get off for now.

We'll figure it out.

Yes. Right.

I see! You must be too

heavy for the thing!

I am not!

Even taking my armor and

muscle mass into account,

I'm well under the

recommended weight limit!

[BICORN whinnies]

[AURA]

He's acting strange.

[ALBEDO]

What could it be?

[SHALLTEAR laughs]

I'll look it up for you.

You might drown in your own

ignorance at this rate.

An encyclopedia

by Lord Peroroncino!

This was a gift from

Lord Ains, by the way!

Let's see.

Bicorn.

B... i...

She shouldn't brag.

Lord Ains gave me this

wristband as a gift.

Just like my ring.

Although,

I wish I could receive

something a little more

personal from Lord Ains.

Something special

that's ours alone.

[SHALLTEAR]

I found it!

What's it say?

Give me a moment.

According to this entry, bicorns

are a symbol of impurity.

In terms of who is

capable of riding them,

they are the

opposite of unicorns.

While unicorns can only

be ridden by pure maidens,

bicorns can only be

ridden by impure ones.

Huh?

[BOTH]

Huh?!

[SHALTEAR] Is there something

you want to tell us, Albedo?

What do you mean?

But you're supposed

to be a succubus.

How does that make sense?

'Kay.

[ALBEDO]

Not "supposed to be," I am one!

I'm sorry, but I don't have

any experience with men!

I've been too focused on

my job as a floor guardian,

waiting in the throne

room, day after day!

I hardly even talk to people.

Who am I supposed

to have sex with?

I'm ashamed to admit

it, but Lord Ains

hasn't summoned me

to his bed even once.

What about you Shalltear,

how is your love life?

[SHALLTEAR yelps]

I've only been

with girls, really.

[AURA]

Whoa!

Well, you know what it's like.

It's impossible

to find a good man.

Or more like the only

good one is a dead one,

but not if they're decomposing.

Right? Right?

I know I should just

smile and agree,

but this is absolutely twisted.

[ALBEDO] At any rate,

at least we know why I can't

ride the bicorn, as humiliating

and ridiculous as it is!

Actually.

Lord Ains might sleep with me

if I tell him it's for work!

[SHALLTEAR]

That's cheating!

Hah! This is all for

the sake of Nazarick!

Surely you wouldn't

let your jealousy

get in the way of our success!

Ha! Why would I be

jealous of a woman

who resorts to that?

It's not even love.

Just business!

[BOTH growling]

Hey, you two.

I doubt this is how Lord Ains

wants us to spend our day off.

But this is all new to me.

I'm not used to relaxation.

When you're not working,

what do you enjoy?

Admittedly, I spend

most of my time

patrolling the first

to third floors.

If I have a moment left over,

I might take a bath

or fix up my clothes.

A bath. Yes.

Now that I think about it,

we have a nice spa on

the ninth floor, don't we?

[HAMUSUKE grunting]

Growing strong, Hamusuke is!

That's great, Hamusuke!

Keep it up!

[HAMUSUKE] Becoming a master

of martial arts, I am!

Well, that's not exactly

an easy feat to pull off.

Martial Arts require

an innate talent.

Give it my best effort, I shall!

Refuse to accept defeat, I do!

[HAMUSUKE]

Submit, you will!

[MARE]

Uh, sorry if I kept you waiting!

[PULCINELLA] Well, if it

isn't Lord Mare. Greetings!

Good to see you,

as always, Pulcinella.

Might I ask what business

brings you here today?

[PULCINELLA] Nothing

complicated, I assure you.

As you know, I'm currently

under the employ

of Lord Demiurge, and he's

sent me here on his behalf

to make a small delivery.

I entrust it to you, young lord.

[MARE]

Uh, thanks for bringing it by.

Um, so, uh, what kind of

work has Lord Demiurge

been focusing on these days?

[PULCINELLA]

Breeding experiments.

Breeding between humans

and non-human species

is impossible, so they say!

A tragic limitation

this world has.

Even with the beauty of true

love binding two species,

their union cannot bear fruit.

My master is diligently

striving to rectify

this mistake of nature.

To give two poor

lovers a chance

to conceive a child!

Sorry. Those were more

details than you asked for.

And since you've received

the information circular,

I best be on my way.

To create such happiness

is a demanding job.

Okay. Well, thanks and

good luck with work!

[PULCINELLA]

Mm-hm.

"This is for male

floor guardians, only.

As such, take heed. Do not

distribute this circular

amongst the female

staff, please."

[giggles]

[gasps]

Whoa. Okay!

I better deliver this

to Cocytus right away!

Yeah.

[AINS] Such infernal discord!

I demand silence!

[AINS]

Silence. Hm.

Is this a good pose?

Might look cooler if I bent

my forearm inwards some.

[AINS]

Such infernal discord!

I demand silence!

[AINS] All right, I can scratch

that pose off the list.

Guess I should practice the

lines I use to buy time.

[MOMONGA sighs]

I'm just a normal

nine-to-five office drone.

How am I supposed to pull off

this supreme overlord routine

day in and day out?

[MOMONGA sighs]

[MOMONGA]

What do I do?

I need to present myself

with the admirable air

worthy of a Nazarick overlord.

But I gotta do it without

destroying the image

everybody has of Ains Ooal Gown.

Ah. I need a nap.

Get up, you sloth! Keep working!

[knocking]

[CIXOUS]

Lord Ains? It's time.

[AINS] Well, I suppose

that settles that.

[AINS] Guess I'll put

my practice to the test!

[MOMONGA]

Hell, yes!

Now that is how

a ruler takes a seat!

I mean, not that I know

how a ruler would sit,

but it felt right.

[AINS]

Now, then. Mare.

What've you brought me?

Uh, right!

I, um, well, it's a...

valuable document!

[AINS]

Why are you staring?

Is there something interesting

I'm unaware of on my face?

Wha-- Not at all, my lord!

Honestly, I was just admiring

how cool you are, Lord Ains.

[AINS]

I am? [laughs]

Well aren't you

adept at flattery!

I'm not trying to flatter you!

Uh. I...

I'm sorry, Lord Ains, excuse me.

It's just that...

I genuinely do

think you're cool!

I mean, right now,

that way you sat down,

your movement was so graceful

and yet so commanding!

[AINS]

I see. Thank you, Mare.

I'm truly happy to hear that.

Your words always

seem to have a way

of filling me with joy.

[AINS] And not only that,

but it fills me with gratitude

for my comrades.

Your comrades? Y'mean

the other supreme beings?

[AINS]

That's right.

I'm thankful that we created

the Great Tomb of Nazarick

together, and equally grateful

they carried onward

with their endeavor

until they created all of you.

And, of course, that includes

the two of you as well,

Albedo and Cixous.

You actually know my lowly name?

[AINS] I consider you all

to be my treasures.

[AINS]

I wouldn't even give you up

to Bukubuku Chagama herself.

[ALBEDO panting]

[CIXOUS]

Lord Ains. I can't stay silent.

And know I speak

for all of Nazarick

when I say this.

But of all the creators

who lived in this world,

we're so thankful you're

the one who stayed behind.

[CIXOUS gasps, grunts]

Forgive my tone.

I don't mean to

offend our creators,

nor do I mean to

speak so freely.

But. Please accept

our continued fealty!

Please, my lord!

[AINS]

I shall.

For I am the one ruler of

the Great Tomb of Nazarick,

your exalted master.

The fearsome yet fair,

Ains Ooal Gown!

[ALBEDO gasps]

[AINS] Now then, Mare.

Go wash your face.

[AINS yelps]

Oh, Lord Ains!

I've tried so hard, but I

can't hold back any longer!

You are to blame, my lord!

[AINS]

What the-- Wait.

...after hearing your words!

And I'll be done long

before your assassins

--can try to pry me off of you!

--[AINS] Hang on! Huh?

[AINS] What in blazes

is wrong with you?

Get off me, Albedo! Hey, stop!

Leave my clothes alone and

quit gyrating like that!

[ASSASSINS]

Gone mad!

[ASSASSINS scream]

[ALBEDO moans]

Oh, Lord Ains!

[ASSASSIN B] What'd you

expect from the overseer

of the guardians?

[ASSASSIN C] Lord Mare,

we could use some help!

[ASSASSINS]

Hey, Lord Mare!

Uh, sure.

[ALBEDO] Give me but

a drop of your mercy!

Beautiful.

[ALBEDO]

Let it flow within me!

--Lord Ains! Lord Ains!

--[AINS] Will you calm down?!

[AINS] So you even look

like that when you bathe?

Well, being naked is his

normal state of being.

[COCYTUS]

Come now.

I'd appreciate it if you

didn't make me sound like

some sort of pervert.

[AINS]

Forgive me, Cocytus.

Your exoskeleton is very regal.

[COCYTUS]

You honor me, my lord.

[AINS]

Thank you, Mare.

I'll wash your back

next, if you'd like.

No! That's far too kind!

[AURA] Quite a mane you've

got down there, Albedo.

[ALBEDO]

You know, Aura,

you don't have to be

so crass about it.

[AURA laughs]

[ALBEDO]

Lord Ains is bathing

just on the other

side of this wall.

I wonder if there's

a peephole around here?

[AURA]

Don't the guys do the peeping?

[SHALLTEAR] That doesn't

exactly apply to our situation.

After all, if Lord Ains

wants to see us nude,

he need only command

us to strip.

[AINS]

Uh...

[DEMIURGE]

My deepest apologies, Lord Ains!

The overseer of the guardians...

How dare she speak

in such a manner.

I'll tell her to stop at once!

[AINS]

No! Well. I mean.

Albedo already

has enough stress.

This is her time to

cut loose and relax.

[DEMIURGE]

Of course, understood.

[rumbling]

[AURA]

Whoa, hey, what're you doing?

You can't just jump in

without rinsing off!

[AURA] What the...?

Is that stone lion moving?

[LUCIFER] Those who lack

bathing manners have no right

to enter the baths!

[LADIES scream]

[LUCIFER]

Suffer your divine punishment!

[COCYTUS]

A guardian of the baths?

I had no idea such

a creature existed.

[AINS] They don't.

That's Lucifer's voice!

It's his doing!

[DEMIURGE]

The supreme being?

[SHALLTEAR]

I can't even cr*ck it!

This is no normal golem! Albedo!

[ALBEDO] Get out of here,

you golem-craft, pervert scum!

[AINS]

Don your armor and weapons.

We shall enter the women's bath!

I assume this is one

of Lucifer's pranks,

but we must rush to

their aid all the same!

[GROUP]

Lord!

[MOMONGA] So much for

our day off, I guess.

[ALBEDO]

Perish!

[AINS] The floor guardians

and servants gather

in the throne room

so that Demiurge and

Albedo can announce

the future plans of Nazarick.

I've no doubt such a capable

pair will convey our goals

with style and grace.

As a great ruler, my only

duty is to nod benevolently.

Hm? Hold on.

How did they come

to that conclusion?!

Chapter : "Carne

Village Once More."

Yes, it will be fine.

Everything will

proceed as planned.