01x02 - I Quit Being Human!

[bunniefuu]

Issei!

It's not National Go To

School Whenever You Want Day!

I know! I'm awake!

I'll be down in just a second!

I'm just, um, stretching!

Who needs a treadmill

when you've got a daily trek

up some stairs to yank

a grown boy outta bed?

Quick...!

Put this over you!

Good morning,

how are you today?

I'm... fine.

Issei, you're late... and naked.

Do you know what

he's doing up there?!

Why are you yelling at me?!

What--is he gripping the

girlie magazines again?

Let the boy have his time!

No! She was real!

She was alive and she was

naked in our son's bed!

All right, stop the car!

You mean he has

a girl up there?!

Dear God, make me

a bird, so I can fly,

far far away from here.

Wait a minute.

I was just in bed with Rias.

I'm naked.

She's naked.

I have no idea how it happened.

This is bullshit.

I could have had the

most amazing night

of my life last night and

I don't remember any of it.

What kind of doucher blacks

out on his first time?!

Son of a--

It's quite a party here

in the morning, isn't it?

Um... you're not

covered up anymore.

Yes, I know.

But...

I can see your stuff.

Want me to stand up so

you can get a better view?

She didn't just say that.

Girls don't say that.

I must still be asleep.

Please don't wake me up--Amen.

Better?

How's your tummy feel?

Where you were stabbed.

I was stabbed?

Was I talking in my sleep?

How does she know

about my dream?

It wasn't a dream, Love.

Your body is amazing.

I didn't expect that.

You took quite a

lethal blow and somehow

were able to recover

in just one night.

Recover from what?

It left you weak.

But all you needed was a little

magic touch to bring you back...

...and I need you.

Would you do this for me?

Oh god...!

Yes!

So, uh, how come

I'm all, like, naked?

I just told you, your wound

couldn't heal on its own.

So I held you close

and used my magic...

It only works if

we are undressed.

Her parts touched

mine... naked!

And you don't have to worry.

We didn't do it;

I'm still a virgin.

Great...

Me too--isn't it awesome?

No! It's not f*cking

'awesome', damn it!

Now what's with that face?

You should be smiling;

this world is magical.

I'm smiling inside.

So I just remembered...

something weird.

What is it?

Did you say something

about being a devil?

Yes I did...

That's because I am one.

I also told you I'm your master.

I like the name 'Issei.'

I'll let you keep it.

There's no frikkin' way!

He had to have done her homework

or paid her or something!

What is happening here?

Is he supposed to be cool now?

Yes!

And I think it's working!

Let the gossip games begin...!

Whatever.

Guess that's what happens

when you start hanging out

with the hottest

pair of jugs at school.

I'll send someone

to fetch you later.

Fetch me?

That's right.

I'll talk to you after school.

Wait! Rias!

Hold on a second,

I don't understand!

Shouldn't I walk you to class?

What the f*ck?!

Is that how it is?

How we s'post to be bros

when you're pimpin'

Big Red on the DL, man?!

Matsuda, there's

no need for that.

But he's frontin'!

Issei is our buddy.

Let's give him a

chance to explain...

Where did you go

and what did you do

after you left yesterday?!

I'll be happy to

explain, gentlemen.

Yeah, yeah.

Spill it!

See... yesterday...

I was rollin' in some Double Ds.

You seem very certain about him.

Hello again, Rias...

Good to see you.

It's good to see you, too, Sona.

Never seen you take on

anyone so impulsively...

What's so special

about that one?

I don't know exactly.

But... I will say

it kinda feels as though

I've adopted a little brother.

Paper rock scissors!

I see.

I don't know who she's

sending to fetch me...

but they're sure taking

their sweet ass time.

Hey.

Look, it's Kiba!

"Like... Omigod, it's

Prince Golden Nuts!"

Shut up.

You're all looking lovely today.

You look better!

I'm sorry the

room's not cleaner!

Ah! There you are!

Huh?

Uh, yeah.

This is my desk.

Excellent!

I'm here on an errand

from Rias Gremory.

What?

Wait, is this the 'fetching?'

Would you mind coming with me?

Omigod...!

Is Kiba Kakes about to walk out

of this room with weasel boy?!

Kiba don't do it!

You'll catch 'Pervert!'

You'll lose all your friends

and smell like moldy meat!

Everybody just simmer down.

I promise not to

drain his pimp juice.

What's happening?

Where are we?

Wait!

I think I know her!

Oh?

Koneko Toujou is a first year.

And a valued member of

the Occult Research Club.

My friend Issei here

thinks he might know you.

Uh, I could be wrong!

I'm gonna k*ll him.

Who doesn't know that

perfect spinner bod?!

All the girls hate her cuz

all the guys wanna do her.

Speaking of which...

Damn, I wish I was that

chocolate bar right now!

I had no idea she was

down with the ORC...!

This changes everything!

A shower...?

Inside the club...?

Shut up!

Someone's in there!

Oh great googly moogly,

how did I get so

mother effing lucky?

Your clothes are laid out

when you're ready,

Miss President.

Thank you, Akeno.

I just heard Rias take a shower!

I love this club, uh...

It's not polite to spy.

Who is that?

I didn't see you.

It's okay, I won't bite.

You're the new guy, huh...?

It's nice to meet you.

There's nothing to

be nervous about.

Everyone here is super nice...

I'm Akeno.

I'm the vice-president.

Uh...

I'm Issei Hyodo and...

I promise I'm not

always this awkward.

'Cause I'm not always this close

to a girl about to

bust out of her top!

Also thinking of her

and Rias working so

closely together is hawt!

I bet they just hang

out together naked

when no one's around.

And when it's cold out,

they cuddle in bed and have

pillow fights in the morning!

This is the greatest club ever!

I'm so glad I'm me!

Sorry to keep you waiting.

I know it's terribly rude,

but I didn't have a chance to

wash after leaving your place.

Oh no, you're hot--uh,

fine--I mean... all good.

Well now that you've arrived,

I think everyone is here.

We'd like to

officially welcome you

into the Occult Research Club.

Uh... thanks.

But you should know the name

of the club is just a front.

It's supposed to look like

this is some sort of hobby.

Okay.

So what is it really?

Well, since you asked

I'll be frank with you.

I'm not the only

devil here, Issei.

Wait... are you saying

that's what all of you are?

And the winged man

from yesterday

was something else.

A fallen angel.

Some think we're the same,

which isn't true...

They want to serve God.

But it's too late for them...

Their dark emotions, have

forced them into the underworld.

The confusion is understandable

because they, too, walk

the earth misguiding humans.

But they wish to please God;

so their goal is

to wipe us devils out

and gain supremacy

over our realm.

You call it Hell.

And of course there're

the more recognizable angels

who are clearly sent down by

God to defeat us as well...

So we're constantly defending

ourselves from both sides.

Something the matter?

You look a bit overwhelmed.

Well, probably because I am.

I mean, you're talking about

some freaky-deaky stuff here.

Remember Yuma Amano?

Of course you do.

How could you forget...?

You two dated for a

little while, didn't you?

Where did you hear that name?

Never mind,

I don't want to know.

Look, I'm not sure how you

know so much about my life,

but I'm starting to feel a

little uncomfortable here,

so maybe we should just...

Yuma!

That's right.

It wasn't a dream, Issei...

She's real.

I love this picture of you two.

You remember it, don't you?

Of course I do but...

how is this possible?

The girl you went out with

is also a fallen angel...

She is made up of

the same elements

as the being who

att*cked you last night.

But that's the

thing--Did I meet her?

Matsuda and Motohama don't

remember anything about her!

And why isn't her number

in my phone anymore?

We can erase human memory.

What?

It usually ends up

being the best thing

for everyone--including

your parents.

Well, I suppose it's nice

that Issei has a friend.

So when you say nekkid--you

mean not even skivvies?

Of course!

It's more comfortable,

so we sleep better.

And then naturally,

we get better grades!

What are you saying?

They're not gonna fall for that!

That certainly is important.

Good job, son...

Glad to see you're

working so hard.

No way...!

What, did she slip

them something?

She messed with their memories!

After a fallen angel

accomplishes her goal,

she erases all memories

and records of herself

from everyone around the target.

Wait. What goal?

You mean Yuma's...?

She needed to k*ll you.

But only after she figured

out whether or not there was

something within you that

was dangerous or threatening.

Once that was verified,

you were stabbed

through the middle

with a spear of light.

If you're looking

for someone to blame,

why not blame Him, he gave

you the Sacred Gear.

That explains the freaky

sh*t she was saying...

about God and something sacred.

Yes, you have the Sacred Gear.

It's basically a very

intense and unique power

that's found in a rare few.

In fact, the only

people I know of

who have possessed it

are historical figures,

so you're kind of a

big deal around here!

The thing is...

...this power can be so

uncontrollable that some

who have it become a thr*at

to those in the underworld.

Issei... please hold

up your left hand.

Okay, but I'm not

very good at 'catch.'

Close your eyes and think

of the part of your body

you feel is the strongest.

Then focus hard

on that strength.

Wait... So we're doing this now?

That's a lot of pressure.

It will get easier if you focus.

All right!

Focus, focus, foc--

Very good.

Concentrate...

You can do this.

I think, I can.

I'm trying!

Focus...

I can't!

I'm a weak soul!

You are not weak at all.

It's just a little

hard right now.

Um, yeah it's hard...!

The only thing I can focus on

is the fact that your

thong is see-through!

Are you sure this

isn't some mistake?

I mean, I'm not that cool.

A fallen angel found you thr*at

enough to try to k*ll you.

It's not a mistake.

Yeah...!

And then she put a

glowing rod in me

and somehow I'm still here.

How does that work?

Do you remember this?

Yeah...

Just before your life

ended you summoned me

with your thoughts

through this flyer.

Summoned?

I remember thinking about her

hair and how red it is, but...?

And so, that day

you were revived

and reborn as an

honored member

of the House of Rias Gremory,

daughter of the great

and powerful devil,

the Marquis of Gremory.

Which means you are

now my devil servant.

I can see better at night ...

I guess that's a plus.

"You're my devil

servant," she says ...

You can't tell me

that doesn't sound like

a skeezy come-on,

in a bondage club.

Isn't this so exciting?

You're really one of us now!

We're glad to have you here...

Welcome, Issei.

Are they for real?

I'm a frikkin devil...?

So my life as a normal

human guy is over?

The way this works

is we grant power

to humans for a

price we both agree on

and then seal with a pact.

It used to be that people would

draw magic circles to summon us.

But that became too complicated.

Nowadays, we make house calls

and personal deliveries.

Ah...

Makes sense.

Ordinarily we'd have a

messenger demon make the run...

but as a new servant,

I think it'll benefit you

to learn what all

goes into this job.

If you do well...

...you may get to have a

few servants of your own

to help you in any way you like.

I'm into that!

I want some servants!

Like I said, that all

depends on your efforts.

Let's say my efforts

are awesome...

Does that mean my servants

have to do everything

I tell them to?

That's right.

And they're mine, so I can

do whatever I want to them.

Yes.

You know where I'm goin'

with this right...?

It's gonna be sexy time!

The great thing about servants

is you can use

them for anything.

Why would I ever want to

go back to being human?!

I'm gonna have a harem!

They'll be naked all the time!

I'm the king of the world!

I finished my delivery!

Nicely done...!

I just have one more job

for you to do today...

Looks like Koneko is double

booked with two summon requests.

Oh.

Take one of them

and get some practice.

That'd be super rad.

Uh, sure.

No problem.

Ma'am.

So does this mean I'm legit?

Am I making a pact?

We call that a

transportation circle...

Hold out your left hand

for me, if you would.

Uh... Is it gonna hurt?

This is a seal.

It serves as proof

you're a member of

the House of Gremory...

When you get to

the client's location,

don't panic--just do

exactly as I told you...

You think you're ready for this?

Hell yeah!

Very cute.

All right, make me proud!

I will!

Get this done and I'm one step

closer to having my harem!

The f*ck?

Whoopsie!

No, it's okay.

What is?

Looks like you can't

make the jump,

but there's another way.

This sucks balls!

What kind of devil is

summoned on a bicycle?!

Okay...

This looks like the place.

Mister Morisawa...!

Devil's knockin'

at your door...!

Open up!

Hey!

How's it goin'?!

Get outta here.

No! Come back!

I wasn't kidding!

You summoned a devil

and I'm here to hook you up!

Since when does a demon

come to your front door?!

Tonight's your lucky night?

Screw you!

I'm not an idiot--I know

how this works.

Koneko always appears out of

the magic circle on this flyer.

She's the one I called for.

Now get off my porch!

Look, I tried, okay?!

And I couldn't do it!

I don't know what happened!

All I know is they

said I had to get here

and then they put me on a bike!

A bike!

Okay... fine.

Thank you.

All right, if you're

gonna be the stand-in,

you need to prove yourself.

Show me what cool

devil tricks you got.

Tricks...?

Uh, I dunno.

What kind of tricks

does Koneko usually do?

Cosplay...? 'Save the Princess?'

Are you kidding me?!

You summoned a demon for that?

Damn straight...

I've looked everywhere for

another cute young thing

to sweep me off my

feet on a weekly basis,

but unless I wanna

grab one off the street...

Yeah, I see your point there.

Uh... she rescues you?

Yeah...

So what can you do for me?

Oh, uh, let's see...

Kame Kame...

Ho!

I'm sorry.

I really can't do anything cool.

But you are a fan of the Z?

Or so you think, but all you've

ever seen are the reruns.

My generation caught it all

first look.

Observe.

All first-editions!

Who cares if you saw it first?

That doesn't mean anything!

What?!

I have all the special edition

ones, so you can suck it!

Of course you

don't understand...

I remember it came on every

Wednesday night...

I'd have my buddies over and

we'd watch it live-

no DVRing this sh*t,

we caught the first fresh hit

of fusion awesomeness.

Well when my friends

and I played in the park,

we'd call each other the

names of the characters

and turn it into a battleground!

And if you don't believe me,

I can still pull a Kogu and go

Super Dragon on your ass!

I'd like to see you try,

you PC-Using Pansy!

Okay, that was harsh.

You didn't have to go there.

Slam!

You have to admit that was

a good Dragon yell, though.

Kame Ho!

Do you want to hang out?

Sure.

Why not?

I suck so hard.

I didn't even

end up getting a pact,

just a heated debate

about Dragon Boy Z.

What the hell was

I thinking back there?

Someone's there...

Is it that guy...?

It feels familiar.

What a surprise.

You're not what I thought,

but I'm certain you're

the one I was sent to find.

My name is Karawarner and

I have orders to destroy you.

This is truly unusual.

What's going on?

Why are you still alive?

A fallen angel!

She was supposed to have

taken care of this already!

Is that the Gremory

family crest?!

Does this mean I'm

about to be k*lled again?!

So you're the one Dohnaseek

mistook for a stray.

My, my, isn't that interesting.

The fact that you're a member of

the Gremory household just makes

it all the more important

that you are destroyed!

This bitch is

actually gonna k*ll me!

No!

That power they said I have!

I need to figure

out how to use it!

Think of the part of you

that you feel is strongest.

And if you don't believe me...

I can pull a Kogu and go

Super Dragon on your ass!

You just have to focus.

I can do the Dragon yell!

Focus!

Is that... the Sacred Gear?

I've got better things to do...

I'm going to let someone

else deal with this crap.

So what's the

Sacred Gear... this?

Yes.

Congratulations,

you've found it.

Now that it's been activated,

all you have to do is decide

when you want to

turn it on or off.

Thank goodness.

That was really gonna slow

me down in my alone time.

I'm so proud of you, Issei!

You are?

Thanks!

This does put me

in a strange position.

The fallen angels now know...

Not only are you still alive,

but you've been

reborn as one of us;

which is bound to make things

more complicated around here.

Yeah...

I'm so sorry.

I know it was just an

accident that you ran into her.

But remember...

Don't get carried away now

that you've unlocked

the Sacred Gear

and try to fight them alone.

That's disrespectful

to the rest of us.

I understand.

Thank you...

I'm tired.

I'm gonna go home.

Exaggeration much?

He's still new.

Why do you have to scare him?

I'm not trying to scare him...

I just don't want him

to overestimate himself.

Plus...

I will not let any

of those angel rejects

take my new favorite

servant from me.

Wake up...!

It's time to get out of bed...!

If you don't, I'll k*ll you!

Because I'm the Tickle Monster

and I'm coming to get you...!

Tickle tickle tickle!

I messed everything up!

What am I supposed to do if

she's still pissed off at me...?

Why am I an idiot?

Oh no.

It looks like I fell down again.

I'm such a klutz.

Whoa...

Who's that?

I'm a little bit lost, do you

think you could help me out?

Just watch and learn...

Pay close attention to my devils

as they do battle here tonight.

Freed Sellzen here,

at your service.

Kerblam!

Whatever you do, please

don't disappoint me.