01x07 - I Get a Familiar!

[bunniefuu]

Okey-dokie, I'm all set!

Asia and I are gonna go

hand out some flyers...!

How bout it?

You ready to go?

Hold on.

I think you'll be glad to

know your flyer days are over.

They are?

Relax, it's not a punishment.

You've both done great work,

but normally the hassle

of running around,

handing out flyers is

the job of a familiar.

Hell yeah!

So what, is this sorta

like a promotion?

Yeah, I guess you could

look at it that way,

but first thing's first: we need

to find you two familiars.

This is my familiar, Issei...

I believe you two

have met each other?

Hot flyer girl's your familiar?

And I've got one too, of course.

Whoa, is that an imp?

This is Shiro.

Mine's badass.

I don't care about

your tiny dancer.

Why you gotta hate, man?

Don't be jealous,

Issei, you'll get one...

Familiars are a major

part of being a devil;

when you're in need, they're

always there to back you up.

That's great...

only problem is, we have no idea

how we're supposed to get one.

That's the next step.

Yeah?

Sorry to interrupt.

Whoa, what the heck

is she doing here?!

Issei...

Who are these people?

The one in the middle

is Sona Shitori, the student

body president...

And the girl with the glasses

right behind her

is Tsubaki Shira.

It looks like they brought the

rest of the council with them.

Hello, Sona, what

can I do for you?

Nothing, I just wanted

to congratulate you

on increasing the

number of your servants.

Hold on, how does

she know about that?

Her real name's Sona Sitri,

and she's not just the

student council president,

she's the next head of the House

of Sitri, a big devil family.

Are you saying there are

other devils at our school?

Rias, I'm hurt to

find out you didn't

tell your little

boyfriend about us,

but I suppose if you don't

trust him with inside info,

then he must not be

worth much to you huh?

It's considered bad form

to get involved in the affairs

of other households, Saji...

It's only natural that

Rias held this back.

I know you.

You're the guy from -C

who was just elected student

council clerk, right...?

I think I mighta

voted for this guy.

Saji Genshiro...

My pawn.

This is my pawn Issei Hyodo...

And my bishop Asia Argento.

Whoa, so you're

a pawn too, dude...?

Then that totally

means we're twinsies!

Can it d-bag...

You and your gaggle of

slutty-sluts don't deserve

to be in the same

room as a group

of distinguished

devils like the Sitri's.

You take that back!

Aww... He's mad...

Not even gay prince

charming over there

could protect you from me,

I took up four pawn pieces, bro.

He took up eight pieces...

It's always better

to check your facts

before you make a

complete fool of yourself.

Wait... what...

You're freaking

kidding me, right...?!

How did this lame-ass,

butt-munch manage that?

Shut up!

My apologies...

He's young...

I hope you'll forgive him

his youthful naiveté...

Newbies don't always appreciate

the finer points of civility...

Do they?

Oh... Right.

My pleasure.

No, the pleasure is all mine.

Hey...

You sure you're not an angel,

cause I'm pretty sure you

just fell down from Heaven?

Saji, I just want you

to know if you even think

of putting the moves on Asia,

I'll slice off your nuts and

feed them to you through a tube!

Oh, you think you've got that

sh*t on lock-down, well...!

You ain't the only bull in

this rodeo anymore, d*ck face!

This is embarrassing.

I know, isn't it?

How's flyer duty treating

you, Captain Whack-it?

I don't do lame sh*t like that,

cause I'm an actual

member of the team!

Getting' a familiar

and everything, bitch.

Guess what, tool?

I just got promoted from flyers

and I'm getting a

familiar too, so suck it!

Oh...!

Is that your plan, Rias?

Yes...

I was thinking of going

next week, actually.

Well, that's a bit of

a problem for us

as he only takes

people once a month.

In that case, why don't we have

a friendly little contest

to sort this whole thing out.

A contest?

Whoever wins earns the right

to make their request first.

Surely you're not talking

about a Rating Game.

Oh, no.

We'd never get permission

to do something like that.

Yes, you're right.

Besides, this isn't the time

to call attention to

yourself, now is it?

Don't go there.

I know!

We should settle this

the good ole' fashioned

high school way: with sports!

Damn!

Let's go, Rias...!

Show these uptight

losers who's boss!

Come on, Sona...!

Stick it to those jackwagons!

Akeno...

We're in it to win it.

Got it.

No mercy!

Everyone ready...?

Good.

Heh... May the best devil win.

Oh man, tennis balls ain't the

only things bouncin' today...

This game freakin' rules!

I'd let her smack

my tennis balls.

Why're you here?

This is the b*mb!

I'm beefin' up my spank

bank material, dawg,

I'll be whackin' it

for weeks offa this!

I wish I had a camera

so I could preserve those

jiggily jugglies for posterity!

They're so athletic,

can you imagine

the moves they could

pull off in the sack?!

I'd like to see them play a

little two on two on my junk!

Camel toe!

I don't think I've ever seen

this many people at

a tennis match before.

Give 'em hell, Sona!

Whoa! Akeno, you are the tits!

Is it just me or is this

getting a little out of control?

Let's see how you like a magic

att*ck, Sona Sitri-style?!

Oh really...?

Let's see how you handle

the Gremory counter strike!

One point... to Sitri.

Aww, man!

Suck on that, Issei!

Hey, we did agree to no magic...

Didn't we?

Yep, but that doesn't

seem to be stopping them.

Did you see the curve on that!

Well I guess we've pretty much

kissed the rulebook

goodbye, huh?

It's cool, Rias is about

to lay the smack down.

Look, Sitri...

You can cheat all you want to,

but in the end it's not going

to make a bit of

difference in this game...!

You want a magic show...?

Well, I've got a few tricks!

Do your worst Gremory...!

You think I'm afraid of you?

Bring it on!

Too bad it was a draw.

Since nobody won,

they're suggesting we all

compete in a team match.

Are you serious?

Serious as a heart

att*ck, my friend,

they're all out there right now,

deciding what we should play.

We've chosen dodge ball

as the game to play.

We meet the Sitri's

tomorrow night in the gym...

So... Let's win this.

Right!

Thanks for playing for us, guys.

Yeah, for real.

Hey, Asia, are you still awake?

Issei...

Hi. Come on in.

Oh... I can't...

It's really late!

I'm... sorry to bother you,

but do you have a needle

and thread I can borrow?

Yeah...?

They outnumber us by two people

so we've asked the

extras to be referees.

I'm like the worst at sports;

I don't even know if

I remember how to play.

Oh... You'll be fine,

just grab a ball,

aim it at the Sitri team,

and hit 'em right in the face!

Asia picked it up in no time;

I'm sure you can do it too!

My legs are on fire!

Stretch it a little bit farther;

come on, you can do it.

I'll... Try...

I've had wet dreams that

started exactly like this!

Only there were

way less clothes.

Join us, Issei.

Team headbands?

Nice.

Yeah, we're gonna

look totally badass.

Thanks, I stayed up all night

making em.

You didn't sleep?

I just wanted to

make something cool

as a way of saying thank you

for everything you

guys are doing for us...

I'm lucky to have friends

as awesome as you...

Plus, I suck at sports,

so this way I'll remember not to

throw the ball at my own team.

What's wrong...?

Are they lame?

Maybe I should've gone

with t-shirts instead.

Oh, no, I think

they're perfect, Issei...

It was nice of you to do that.

I don't know, it's not

a big deal or anything.

You're a pervert,

but you're sweet.

Let's put these on,

go out there,

and do our best to

kick some Sitri butt!

Yeah!

Ready to rock and roll?!

That's a point!

Aw, right in the tit.

I need a drink anyway.

Ready or not here I come!

Well, catching Tsubaki's spike

head-on is pretty impressive.

Don't forget Sona,

I'm a Gremory,

that's just how we roll!

Behind you!

Got it!

You need to keep your

head in the game, sweetie!

Whoa...

I just saw your bra!

Let's see how you handle this!

I had no idea that dodge ball

was so terrifying!

This isn't dodge ball anymore,

it's like a fight to the death!

Want me to go ahead and

take out that sissy ass pawn?!

No, I got it!

Here comes the pain!

sh*t!

Oh, whoa! What the

hell's up with this thing?

Issei! Look out!

My... Frank and Beans...

I think they're squished.

I can use my twilight

healing to make you better,

but first you have to show

me where it hurts, Issei.

Oh, no...

I'm fine, thanks!

You're in pain, I think it'd be

best if I took a quick look--

Uh, I don't want you using

your weird other worldly

twilight thingie on my junk...

My twig and

berries are off limits!

If it'll make you

more comfortable...

I can just do it over the pants.

Tell me, how does that feel?

Tingly.

You better not be

getting a chub right now.

It's got a mind of its own.

Take good care of him, Asia,

we've got a game to finish!

Will do.

Come on, you guys,

let's win this one for Issei!

Yeah...!

For his man-bits!

For his one-eyed snake!

For his sack.

Does that feel good...?

Oh, boy...

Thank you for the

support everybody.

Bring it!

Come on, let's

end this thing, Sitri.

Right here, right now!

Oh, I'm just getting

warmed up, Rias!

Game over!

All right...!

We did it...! We won!

A deal's a deal, Sona...

Since we b*at you, we get

first pick of the familiars.

As much as I hate to

lose, I have to admit:

that was still a

whole lotta fun.

Although, if this had

been a Rating Game,

and not just us fooling around,

there's no way you

could've b*at me.

You really think so...?

Well, I guess we won't know

for sure until we

actually play the Game...

But it'll be a while 'til we

have to worry about that.

Don't be so sure, Rias, you

never know what's coming up.

Huh...?

What's a Rating Game?

Victory!

I want you to know,

I'm thankful to each

and every one of

you for going out there

and doing what needed to be

done to b*at those devils...

I hope you guys feel very proud.

Hell, all I did was get

knocked in the love spuds.

Sure, you got

nailed in the nads,

but you also made

these headbands...

They're pretty rad, man.

Totes.

Yeah...!

They really brought

our team together!

Thanks, bro...

I don't wanna sound

gay or anything,

but if you were a hot chick,

I'd totally make out

with you right now!

Okay...?

I hate to break up

the celebration,

but I think it's time we go get

these two a couple of familiars.

Wait, you mean we're

getting them right now?

Full moon tonight, this

is our best sh*t to see him.

See who?

The Familiar Master.

Uh, where are we?

Duh, a magical forest

where all the familiars live.

Don't be scared;

this is where we

came to get ours too.

Oh, I'm cool...

I mean, besides the fact

that I just pissed myself.

Yeah... It's really freaky.

Who wants me?!

Hey! Who's there?!

The master of the

familiar, aka 'The Towji!'

That's the guy?

Oh, wow.

If you're goal is to

find familiars galore,

you've come at the

right time, that's for sure!

The full moon is out

to help you decide,

and I'll be the one

to act as your guide.

If you can't tell,

The Towji's way obsessed

with making things rhyme.

Uh-huh.

Now, how can I help you?

Tell me all your

wants and desires...

A strong one?

A fast one, one that

likes to set fires?

Yeah... Cool...

Do you have any hot

familiars with big tig-o's...?

Who really like

nerdy white guys?!

This is why amateurs

always annoy...

If you're seeking

something more than a toy,

utilize your other head, my boy.

To find the familiar

who will be the best fit,

look for best personality,

don't look for best tit.

Makes sense,

but I'd like one that's really

cute and fun to be around.

Fun...?

Done and done!

Oh! Thank you so much!

Hey, no fair, dude!

This lake is awesome,

righteous and right,

at the bottom, you'll

find magical sprites.

Yeah...!

Sprites are sexy...!

We just hit the

familiar jackpot!

She'll emerge from the

water wearing nothing

but a soaking wet

see-through dress

with hair long

enough to tie me up.

Then she'll pull me below

and we'll make sweet,

sweet, soggy love.

Whoa! Check out the lake!

Here we go...

Looks like a sprite

is about to show.

Take a look.

That's off the hook!

But clearly not off the 'roids!

What is it, a

competitive body builder?!

Undine are rare water sprites

with mega watt power...

A familiar like that would

make your enemies cower.

Screw that...!

He looks like he could pick me

up and break me in half!

Not he...

Sorry, but this he's a she.

A she...?

I think I just threw

up in my mouth.

That sprite back there,

she had really kind eyes...

Even though she's

tough on the outside,

I could tell she

has a good heart.

Oh yeah...

And pecs the size of my head.

Oh my... Look, high!

Okay. What is that?

Aw...! It's really cute!

Cute but dangerous, too...

When they get angry,

they have the power to

sh**t a lightning that's blue.

Hey, that type of dragon

is pretty rare, isn't it?

I think this is the first

time I've ever seen one.

Do it now, if you

want this one claimed...

Once these dragons grow up,

they can no longer be tamed.

Issei, since you possess the

power of the Red Dragon Emperor,

that sprite might turn out

to be a pretty good fit.

Yeah, that makes sense...

Right...! Dragon...!

I choose y--!

Asia!

Oh my!

Its green slime!

It's burning my clothes!

How naughty!

I'm so slimy and wet!

No!

Oh...

My skirt!

It's so grody...

Vomit town.

Damn!

Dude...

This is the best thing

that has ever happened!

Suck on that, perv-pants.

It's not my fault

you guys got slimed outta

your skivvies by goo!

My hands are tied, I can't

use my magic like this!

Me neither, how are we

gonna get out of this mess?

I'll save you... but...

First I have to save this image

to the spank bank for later.

Eating off clothes is the random

power of this weird slime...

Fun for a while,

but in the end, a complete

and utter waste of time.

Hey...!

That's really the

only thing it does...?!

I found mine...!

I want the slime to be

my familiar right now!

The pain hurts so good,

I might just have

to fight you for it!

Yes!

Every hot girl

I meet will instantly

be naked with this by my side!

No, Issei you can't!

Picking a familiar is one of

the most important

decisions you'll ever make...

Please! You have to

think it through first!

I've thought about it enough!

This is the one I want for sure!

Sorry, slime...

We coulda had some fun!

Just back away, Issei...

The only thing to do with a

monster like that is burn it.

No, don't!

I won't have to

undress every single girl

I meet with my eyes anymore

if I have slimey by my side!

Meeting this thing

was my destiny...!

Don't take that

away from me, please!

I can't believe Issei's

actually hugging me!

It's perfect!

Oh, yucky slime...!

We were meant to be!

Seriously too into this stuff.

I've never seen a

devil come to the forest

for one of its biggest pests...

I don't think this one

knows there's more

to life than breasts!

He's usually such a good boy...

But I guess in the end,

the pervert inside of

him finally took over.

Come on...!

You really blame me

for wanting something

that makes chicks naked...?

How am I supposed

to turn down pure

unadulterated jubbly action?

That sucked.

Aw, the sprite dragon

used his blue lightning.

Yucky slime, no...!

This is your fault!

Are you all right?!

That was dope.

Sprite dragons

don't att*ck unless

they believe their loved

ones are in trouble...

Which, in the familiar

world means that dragon

and lovely lady should

be together on the double!

You mean Asia and that

thing are bonded now?

He's so cute!

Well, isn't that sweet.

Now, I gotta take a sh*t,

so you guys need to b*at feet.

In the name of Asia Argento

and devils everywhere.

I command you to accept this

pact to be my familiar forever.

Well... Looks to me

like you got a friend...!

I think you two will

be very happy together!

Hey! That tickles...

Rassei...

Stop it.

Rassei?

For some reason that

name popped in my head...

I love him!

And every time I hold him,

I'll think of you.

That's a really sweet

thing to say, Asia...

I'm glad to meet

you Mister Rassei.

Oh, something you should

know about these creatures.

They hate other males--that's

just one of their features.

What a naughty boy Rassei is.

Oh, yucky slime...!

Why did you have to leave me?!

I wanted your gazonga exposing

powers to be mine forever!

Quit your whining, lech balls.

They say sprite dragons

only give themselves

to the most worthy and

pure-hearted of masters...

And normally, they would

never choose to serve a devil.

Asia used to be a holy sister,

so who knows, maybe

that had some sway

over the little guy?

Hey! Bad Dragon!

That chest isn't yours

to nuzzle in, bud!

Now, Rassei, you have to be

nice to Uncle Issei, okay?

All right then, sweet boy,

it's time to say goodnight.

I know I should

be happy for her,

but now that Asia

has a leg up on me...

I guess I'm kinda jealous!

You know what, though,

soon I'll get a kick

ass familiar of my own,

and I'll be right back

on top again, b*tches!

I can't wait, man...

Well...

See you tomorrow, everyone.

Good night guys!

Night.

Issei's got a long way to go.

He's a newbie, give him time.

You're right.

That he is.

She gonna strip, too...?

Oh please turn around,

please turn around.

You like seeing people naked,

and I could be

one of those people.

He's fiancé to the next

head of the House of Gremory.

I need you to

take my virginity...

And I need you to do it now.