03x03 - Cat and Dragon

[bunniefuu]

[KUROKA] I only sent

a fraction of my chi out,

and yet you still came running.

I'm glad you can still

feel our sisterly bond.

What do you want?

My time is precious,

so spill it.

[KUROKA] There's no

need to be rude, honey!

I just heard it

through the grapevine

that a big party was going down.

It caught my interest

but you know what they

say about curiosity and cats.

This isn't like Koneko!

Then again,

girl's been actin' weird.

[RIAS] She's really been

pushing herself lately

and having to come to grips

with some personal issues.

[RIAS]

How are you feeling?

[KONEKO]

Useless.

[RIAS] Well, you're

not one to give up,

so I'm sure you'll be fighting

at full strength very soon.

I hate missing out on training.

We all know that, but the

training would be worthless

if you're not healthy enough

to get something from it.

[KONEKO] It's hard to watch

how strong Kiba, Xenovia,

and Akeno have become.

Even that lazy horn dog

has made progress.

Meanwhile, I feel left

further and further behind.

Gasper's even gotten

more powerful lately,

and I don't have

Asia's power to heal people,

so what's left for me?

Be fair. You'll improve too.

Yeah, unless things

continue like this.

Then, I'll just be obsolete.

How can a rook

be the weakest?

I'm pathetic.

I'd never forgive myself

if I held you back.

[RIAS gasps]

[KONEKO] But I don't want to

have to use my nekomata powers

to catch up.

I'm so afraid to use them.

Afraid to be like her.

I won't!

I refuse to let

that happen again.

[ISSEI] I had no idea.

That sucks balls.

Sadly, Koneko will have

to overcome by herself.

We all have struggles

we must face alone.

[ASIA] I haven't seen Issei in

a while. I wonder where he is.

[XENOVIA]

Now that you mention it,

Rias seems to

be missing as well.

Ah. Please escort

them in, Barkiel.

[gasps]

[AZAZEL] Y'know,

for a crotchety old bastard

from the Northern wastes,

you're not looking too bad.

[ODIN] I like what your

husband's done with your hair.

[SIR ZECHS]

Charming.

It's been too long, Lord Odin.

How we've missed your

casually h*m* banter.

[ODIN]

Greetings, Sir Zechs.

and let me thank you

personally for your invitation.

Lord Odin,

mighty God of the North;

you honor us with this visit.

I expected more

from you, Leviathan.

Huh?

A pretty young

thing such as yourself

shouldn't be in

drab clothing like that.

This is a party, isn't it?

Good point!

Mirurun mirumiru spiral!

Oh my. What the

hell just happened?

[LEVIATHAN] Well, have you been

living in a cave or something?

This is a magical girl outfit;

they're totes the rage.

Love it.

How'd you like to

stroke Odin's beard?

Please keep in mind why

we made the voyage, milord.

You're here

representing Valhalla!

Must you always be

the downer in the room?

It's that kind of

attitude that keeps you

from getting a

hero for yourself.

[gasps]

[cries]

I may be just an ugly Valkyrie

who's never had a man,

but at least I won't die alone

what with living

in the underworld.

[ODIN]

Sorry about her.

This ball of neuroses

is named Rossweisse.

My highly capable,

but depressing, assistant.

That's why she can't find a man.

[MICHAEL] Allow me to apologize

for keeping you waiting.

Odin, All-father of the Norse!

Looking as hale and hearty

as ever, Your Excellency.

[XENOVIA]

Irina!

[AKENO] Did she come as

part of Michael's entourage?

[ASIA] Who'd figure we'd run

into her in the underworld?

[KONEKO] So, like, what

are you doing here, Kuroka?

[KUROKA]

Seriously?

I came back for you, Shirone.

When things went south,

I had to drop

everything and run.

I couldn't take you with me.

[RIAS]

Kuroka.

[ISSEI]

Yeah.

I had a feeling that Koneko

knew that weirdo cat-lady.

[RIAS]

They're sisters.

Hey-oh! Kitty-cat!

It's the Chaos Brigade!

[KUROKA]

What is it, Bikou?

[BIKOU] Two rats are

veiled in the shadows.

You perceived them, yes?

With our mastery

of the sage arts,

we can easily detect interlopers

by the mere flow of their chi.

Rias, you're here, and pervy?

Kuroka. Koneko is a

member of my household,

and we Gremorys always

look out for our own.

[KUROKA] Your household?

Like that matters.

She and I are sisters,

first and foremost.

I'm not going to give her to you

just because you "deign it."

[ISSEI]

Hey, monkey d*ck!

How's my buddy Vali doing?

[BIKOU chuckles]

He's fine.

[KUROKA]

Who's the brat?

That cretin is the

Red Dragon Emperor.

[KUROKA] Oh! So he's

the super titty freak

that made Vali

run for the hills.

Damn right! Though I consider

myself more a connoisseur.

I still don't get

what you want.

I wanted to invite you to

join Orphis and Vali and me.

After all, cutie

pie, as my sister,

you have the same

k*ller power in your blood.

I won't leave.

I've found my place as

a part of Rias's family!

Koneko's one of us, and we're

not just gonna hand her over.

I guess we'll just have

to take her from you then.

[BIKOU] Personally, I'm

excited you intend to resist.

I can't imagine a finer way

to consume some time.

Why would they

want to take up time?

[SIR ZECHS] Devils, gods, and

fallen angels have seen the

lessons of the past, and chosen

to live together in peace.

But the Chaos Brigade chooses

to fan the flames of w*r...

[BIKOU] We decided to k*ll

two birds with one stone,

as the saying goes, and thus

lured your female friend out.

Vali ordered us to

escort a certain VIP

to your quaint

diplomatic congregation.

[SIR ZECHS]

Lord Odin.

if there are no objections,

please sign the pact monument.

Of course.

[KUROKA] Apparently,

he had a couple issues

with tonight's get-together.

[LOKI]

Objection!

I'm surprised

he waited this long.

[ODIN]

You arrogant fool.

I am the Norse god,

Loki. Greetings.

All right!

Now we got a party!

[SIR ZECHS] Lord Loki, you may

be the Norse god of mischief,

but that gives you no right

to cause problems here.

[LOKI] Seeing Odin,

our great All-Father mingling

with lesser

mythologies causes me

to suffer indescribable

torment, Sir Zechs.

Leave, Loki. If you return

to Valhalla immediately,

I'll forgive you for

this public affront.

Really? You can

shove your forgiveness.

Oh great, another

man without manners!

[LOKI] If he chooses

to sign an alliance

with the other mythologies,

it will make things

incredibly difficult for me

to set Ragnarok into motion!

The lyrics are different

but the song sounds the same.

Look kid, you're just a clown

working for the Chaos Brigade.

[LOKI] Working for? No.

Working with? Yes.

But I admit this

op was my idea.

Now, let me introduce

you to my beloved son!

Something's gone wrong!

The council is under att*ck!

Heh!

Huh?! That can't be good.

[KUROKA]

You're right.

It's a little barrier

I put on the forest

to keep us all trapped

together for a bit.

[BIKOU]

Okay, Red Dragon Emperor.

Show me your power!

[ISSEI thinking] These

guys aren't jerking around!

[TANNIN]

Would you mind if I cut in?

[ISSEI]

Hell yeah! Tannin's here!

[DDRAIG] He must have followed

my power's energy signature.

[TANNIN]

That's right.

You emit enough power

to make tracking simple.

Plus there was something about

Issei that was bothering me.

[ISSEI]

Might wanna get used to that.

[BIKOU]

The previous dragon king?

Oh, you've piqued my interest!

Go ahead, monkey.

You know you wanna.

Flying Nimbus!

Extend! Ruyi Bang!

[laughs]

I haven't had this

much fun in ages!

Look at him go!

His firepower is way

amped up compared

to what he whipped out

while we were training!

Ha! Son Goku!

This is proving to

be quite entertaining!

[KUROKA] The monkey king

and a dragon.

They're gonna have a blast.

Now then, are you gonna hand

over my baby sister or not?

That a "no"?

Fine. Guess I gotta k*ll ya.

[TANNIN]

Kids! I have a plan!

While I slap this monkey around,

you guys pound that p*ssy!

Are you the Red Dragon

and his master or not?

Dude, it's a bit more

complicated than that!

[RIAS thinking]

Kuroka is a major thr*at,

but I don't want to fight

her in front of Koneko.

[KONEKO]

Just stop!

Look, it's fine;

I'll come with you.

[ISSEI]

Shut your whore mouth!

[RIAS]

You don't get to do that!

But first, you have to let

my friends leave unharmed.

No, ma'am!

You are my servant,

retainer of my household,

and my friend!

Leaving me is not an option.

[KONEKO]

My sister is too strong.

I know what she can

do better than anyone.

[RIAS]

Don't worry.

To protect you, I'll fight

her with everything I've got.

[KUROKA]

Haha. Oh please.

I understand Shirone's

true potential better

than a bitch like

you ever could.

Now c'mere, babe.

I'll show you how to

kick ass "sage art" style.

No, I don't need

that power, not ever.

I don't want my strength to

come from other people's pain!

Kuroka!

Do you not understand

how much you hurt your sister

when you chose to

drown in your own power

and leave her behind?

When you ran away after

murdering your master,

this brave girl saw hell.

When I first met her,

having feelings was a

luxury she couldn't afford.

[roars]

[RIAS] Koneko had

been abandoned by you,

betrayed by the only person

she thought she could trust.

And when the other

devils despised her,

tried with all their might

to bully her into leaving,

she was completely alone.

You've lost the right

to demand anything of her.

Rias, thank you.

That's the reason I've

always tried to show her

the finest things

life has to offer.

I'm going to stay,

so, leave Kuroka.

I don't want to go

with you, all right?

é\My name is Koneko Tojo.

I'm choosing to live

my life with my master,

and that's final!

It seems she's decided

to stay on as my rook,

where she's loved,

because we treasure

family in my house.

I will never allow you to lay

so much as a finger on her!

[ISSEI thinking]

So cool!

That speech inspired me

into a full on chubby!

You'll have to go through me

to get to these hot ladies!

Issei.

[KUROKA] Hmph! Even though you

know there's no way you'll win?

What an idiot.

It's go time.

Hey. What the fog?

Wait, what's

wrong with you two?

[KUROKA] My magic mist

is wicked effective

against devils

and spirits and such.

Shocking, it doesn't work

so well on dragons, though.

[ISSEI]

You bitch!

[KUROKA] I watered

down the poison,

so they won't be

k*lled any time soon.

Plus, it's a lot more fun

to watch them die slowly.

[roars]

[grunts]

[BARKIEL]

This girl is off-limits, pup.

Oh look, a hero.

[gasps]

[AJUKA]

You left yourself open.

[LOKI]

Beelzebub?

[SIR ZECHS]

Well played.

Are you hurt Akeno?

[gasps]

Impressive att*ck,

but still useless.

Boosted Gear, go!

[ISSEI]

Huh?! Oh, come on!

[TANNIN]

As I thought.

Yo, gramps!

What's goin' on here?

[DDRAIG] This is the result

of your training with Tannin.

You'll have to decide

if you want to power up

or to Balance Break.

So are you telling me

I might be able

to do a Balance

Breaker right now?

[DDRAIG]

Yes.

But you won't be able

to kick out the jams

using your Balance Breaker

without a radical catalyst.

[ISSEI]

Radical catfish?

[DDRAIG]

The rest is up to you, boy.

[ISSEI]

Oh, great.

Hey, just telling me that

doesn't make me know

what I'm supposed

to do all of a sudden.

How lame.

The mighty

Red Dragon Emperor will die

without ever activating

his Sacred Gear?

He doesn't have the balls!

[gasps]

[RIAS]

Issei!

[ISSEI]

Don't move, Rias!

If you do,

the poison's gonna spread.

Issei, please, stop.

If you keep this up,

she's going to k*ll you!

[KUROKA]

I don't get it.

Why does Vali have

a rage boner for this kid?

How could he make

anyone retreat from anything?

[ISSEI thinking] Damn!

This is how it always goes.

When I helped Asia,

or when I saved Rias.

In the end, I crap out.

I'm a failure.

I don't deserve anything!

I let Asia die once.

I made Rias cry once.

If I can't save them

the first time around,

then what kind of

legendary dragon am I?

Issei, no!

[ISSEI thinking]

Why can't I unleash my power

unless someone gets hurt?

It's so frustrating

because all I want

to do is protect them!

[ISSEI] I don't really care

if you're her sister or not.

You made Koneko cry,

and that's the kind of

bullshit I just can't handle!

[KUROKA] Now I really

feel bad for Shirone.

Some mud covered

Lancelot-wannabe loser

is enough to creep any girl out.

It makes my skin crawl.

Issei is my friend.

Maybe she's right.

Even though I've got a

legendary dragon's power in me,

I can't do a damned thing.

Talk about a disappointment.

I must be the most useless,

talentless devil of all time.

[KONEKO]

Throughout history,

most Red Dragon

Emperors get obsessed

with their power and wind up

going completely insane.

It seems my sister

has followed their lead.

Sure, they have power,

but they've lost control.

And once that happens,

it's too late.

It's hard for me to say this,

but you may be the least

douchebaggy Red Dragon Emperor

that has ever existed.

That's why you're

kind of a total wimp

compared to the rest of them.

But I believe you're

the type of dragon

we can be mildly proud of!

D'you mean it? For real?

[DDRAIG] Kick out the jams

using your Balance Breaker

without a radical catalyst.

[ISSEI thinking] Of course!

So that's what he meant!

The sleeper has awakened.

[ISSEI]

Okay, guys. I think I know

what might help me crank

this up to the next level.

I can b*at her

with my Balance Breaker.

But first. I'm gonna

need your help, Rias!

What do you need, Issei?

I'll do anything in

my power to assist you.

In that case,

let me poke yo titties.

[RIAS]

Oh, jeez...

Well, if that's what it's

gonna take to get you going,

then have at it.

[gasps] I got the green light?

I'm gonna poke 'em!

I'm pushing that nipple

back deep in there, babe.

Let's rock and roll!

Do it quickly, please!

This feels a little ridiculous.

[TANNIN] What do you

think you're doing?

Tannin!

I need you to fend them

off long enough for me

to poke Rias's

funbags, all right?

[TANNIN]

In the middle of a battle,

you want to poke her breast?

They want to k*ll you!

This is no time to

try reaching second base!

No, it's not about that.

I'm gonna poke nip to

charge my Balance Breaker!

[TANNIN] Were our training

sessions that useless?

Wow, you really are an idiot.

[KUROKA]

Hey, Bikou.

Have you ever seen

this kind of tactic before?

Rias Gremory just whipped out

her license and registration,

and put 'em on display

for the Red Dragon Emperor!

I must see this!

[gasps] Hey,

leather face! Problem!

[TANNIN] What is it?

Did something go wrong?

[ISSEI] The right can

or the left can?

Which one do I choose?

[TANNIN]

You simpleton!

They're exactly the same!

Just do what you're

gonna do already!

What? This is serious, man!

There's no way in hell

they're both the same.

It's deal or no deal.

I'm pushing the buzzer

for the first time ever!

Lives are at stake here, dude,

so give me a real answer!

Rias? Any thoughts?

I don't care!

Just poke both of them at the

same time, you horny moron!

Both of 'em?

That's the best advice

I've ever been given!

Get ready. I'm comin'.

[AZAZEL] If you press them,

they cry out.

[ISSEI thinking]

If I press them, they cry out!

Oh no.

It works!

[DDRAIG]

You did it!

You've finally

boosted your power!

[DDRAIG]

Welsh Dragon... Balance Breaker!

You are the worst.

A Red Dragon

Emperor perv deluxe.

[ISSEI] Balance Breaker

Boosted Gear Scale Mail!

My power was unleashed by

poking my master's headlights!

[DDRAIG]

Congratulations, partner!

But I'm not looking forward

to what you're going to use

this hand for

when we're done here.

[TANNIN] Mass perversion aside,

you've finally done it!

Your energy

signature is radiant!

Heheh... Things are

starting to get interesting!

Now, say hello to my

mix of sage and demon magic!

Try some.

Huh?

[ISSEI]

Is that all you got?

No! You damn brat!

[ISSEI]

Don't make my friend cry.

You feel me?

[ISSEI]

If you come after Koneko again,

It won't matter if you're

a woman or her sister.

You are my enemy.

Eat me, jerk!

What are you doing?

The fight is going

on back there--

You became so excited

you lost perception.

Huh? Loki's not here. Why not?

Indeed. Pardon the pun,

but we don't have any

more time to monkey around.

[SIR ZECHS] So then, you fought

his accomplices in the forest.

[RIAS]

Yes, Bikou. Kuroka, too.

[SIR ZECHS] And did they

leave our Koneko unharmed?

She had a bit of a shock,

but she's fine.

No surprise, though.

Koneko is a member of my

esteemed household, after all.

Then I made the right

decision giving her to you.

You've become a true master

over your household, Rias.

I'm very proud.

Now that's what

I call a crazy day.

After angry gods and giant

wolves, it's nice to relax.

And it was good to see Irina.

Seems like she's doing well.

That's unbelievably awful.

It can't be easy, looking at

your sister as an enemy.

Like it or not,

you can't erase family.

Yeah, don't I know.

That's why.

I've decided

not to focus on it.

Instead I'll focus

on getting stronger.

All right! That's the

positivity I like to hear!

[RIAS] Hi, Issei.

Looking for something?

Hey Rias!

I was going to take a bath,

then got separated from Kiba,

and now I'm lost.

I was just heading

that way myself.

Why don't you tag along with me?

So, hey, uh, do you mind

if I ask you somethin'?

Go ahead.

How did you figure

out right off the bat

that I was gonna

chase after Koneko?

I know you.

Besides, it is my job to always

keep an eye on my servants.

Has anybody ever told

you you're the best?

Through thick and thin, you're

always looking out for us;

trying to keep us

safe and happy.

[AZAZEL] Looks like the

storm has passed, for now.

[SIR ZECHS]

Ajuka was kind enough

to teleport Loki and Fenrir to

a rather far away destination,

but it is a temporary solution.

[MICHAEL] Yes, I feel certain

he will press the issue again.

This was only the beginning.

[ODIN] As leader of

the Norse pantheon,

I take full responsibility.

[ROSSWEISSE]

I should have known things

would get out of hand

traveling with Odin.

I'm the Valkyrie

Rossweisse.

[SAJI]

You seein' what I'm seein'?

[ISSEI]

I'm seein' it!

That's one Valkyrie

I'd like to ride!

Business suit, suit of armor,

or birthday suit, I am down!