04x03 - The Party of Heroes

[bunniefuu]

[ALL grunting]

[shouting]

[ISSEI]

I'll never forget.

It happened right after

Asia and I kicked ass

during the three-legged race

at the sports festival.

Are you Hero Faction

from the Chaos Brigade?

The Three Great Powers entrusted

us to protect this town.

Therefore, we will not

allow you to go any further.

[growls]

Looks like he's a possessor

of a Sacred Gear!

[ISSEI] I don't give a sh*t,

I won't let him touch Rias!

[groans]

[screams]

[ISSEI gasps]

What the hell?

[ALL gasp]

[ISSEI groans]

[ISSEI pants, sighs]

Thanks, Asia. Oh, and thanks

for helping me train

while we're in Kyoto.

[ASIA]

No problem!

Being able to help you

makes this school trip

even more special.

[KIBA]

Training is the best way

to shorten a power gap

between two people.

Don't you think having more

partners would probably help?

Yeah, I'd have

to agree with Kiba.

You sure do love

that practice sword, Xenovia.

[XENOVIA]

Well, of course.

I'm gonna be

carrying it today, too.

I'm not taking any

chances out there.

[grunts]

Here's an idea, why don't you

take this with you, as well?

Thank you, this should

be pretty easy to hide

while we're walking around.

Now, I'll be prepared in

case we're att*cked again.

That's true.

We can't afford to

let our guard down

while those Chaos

Brigade dipshits

are loose somewhere in Kyoto.

We should all be

extra vigilant today.

Fo sho.

All right, enough talk!

It's time to get

down to training!

♪

[KIRYUU] Asia, there's a rumor

that if you trip in Sannenzaka,

you'll tumble to your death.

What? How scary!

Hey, calm down.

It's just an urban legend.

Uh, what? Oh, come on.

Not you too!

Why would Japan

develop this place

in such a terrifying manner?

[ISSEI]

I said it's a superstition.

[IRINA gasps]

Is it true!

Will we die if we fall down?

[KIRYUU]

Wow, guys, take a chill pill.

[GIRLS]

We can't!

[ASIA]

What a beautiful view!

[IRINA] This temple honors

the home of Kannon Bodhisattva.

[XENOVIA]

In Sanskrit, it's

"sahasrabhuja arya

avalokitesvara."

[ASIA]

Huh?

Hey, it's not like I go around

speaking Sanskrit every day.

[IRINA] Did I ever tell

you that Issei said

he'd like to fondle the boobs

of women at the same time?

Did you hear me?

Uh, yes. That does

sound like him.

Guess it's no surprise

those three get along so well.

But that church-y vibe

they've got going on

can be kind of annoying.

[ISSEI]

Hm?

[clapping hands]

[KIRYUU]

Hey, Issei, you and Asia

should totally draw

a love fortune.

[ISSEI]

Let's see. He, he...

Hell to the yes!

It says we're super

compatible with each other!

Yay! That's wonderful.

I'm so happy.

Oh, Issei.

[XENOVIA]

Congratulations, Asia!

You guys are totes adorbs.

Aw, even a perv

like you can be happy.

[MOTOHAMA crying]

Man the eff up,

Motohama!

We're gonna cock kick

that sucka later

for stealing

all the shorties.

Hey! Time to move on!

Huh? It's not silver?

Xenovia told me she thought

living in this place

would be tough,

but then again,

she also thought

the temple would actually

be made of silver.

Based on its name,

that's a fair assumption.

[gasps delightedly]

Oh, wow! It's gold!

Real gold!

I'm happy for you.

It's just like you imagined.

[ISSEI]

If she says "my precious,"

I'mma lose my sh*t.

[XENOVIA]

That shrine is at maximum shine!

To Rias, and send!

[KIRYUU] You're gonna

catch a lot of flies

like that, Xenovia.

[WOMAN screams]

Help! That man just grabbed me.

-[WORKER] Stop that guy!

-[MAN laughing]

[MAN]

Boobies!

Just one more squeeze,

I beg of you.

--[WORKER] You can't...

--Wow, a shrine perv.

Yo, what if it's like

an epidemic or whatever?

It was on the news!

They were sayin there's like

zombie pervs everywhere,

know what I'm sayin'?

If so, then that means

you're patient zero

since you grabbed my chesticles

on the train yesterday.

Say dawg,

I'd have to be infected

to willingly touch your

fugly-ass man titties.

I'm tellin' you, bro,

you ain't got no jiggle.

Perhaps you should

be quarantined.

Oh! A zombie perv-ocaplyse

would be tight, son!

Hello?

[AKENO]

Hi, Issei.

I'm sorry to bother

you on your trip.

Koneko noticed something about

the picture you sent Rias.

Oh, yeah? What was it?

[AKENO]

The other people in the photo,

they're actually fox yokai .

We wanted to let you know.

Wait, you're kidding me!

[XENOVIA]

We've got company.

I gotta go.

Something came up.

Everyone just hold on a second!

[ISSEI]

Huh?

[ROSSWEISSE] Azazel asked

me to come and find you.

Everyone must come

with me immediately.

What the fox?

Oh, they're here.

So glad you all

could make it!

[ISSEI]

Azazel? Lady Leviathan?

What the heck's going on?

[FOX WOMAN] We brought them,

as you requested.

[ISSEI gasps]

You again?

Greetings.

I lead the yokai who live

within the shadows of Kyoto.

I'm the daughter of Yasaka.

My name's Kunou.

Please forgive

my rash behavior.

I wasn't thinking straight

when I att*cked you yesterday.

It was wrong of me.

I am truly sorry.

Hey, all's well

that ends well.

I'm just glad we were able to

clear up the misunderstanding.

For sure!

Luckily, angels are, like,

super forgiving beings!

[ASIA] Yeah! We'd much

rather be your friend.

[KUNOU]

But, the way I acted.

[chuckles]

[ISSEI] Uh, you said

your name's Kunou?

So, here's the thing.

You were just worried

about your mom, right?

[KUNOU gasps]

Yes, of course!

[ISSEI] It's easy

to make a mistake

when you're worried about

someone you care about.

Believe me.

I've hulked out for my homies

so many times I've lost count.

Look, what I'm saying is

we're cool, so don't b*at

yourself up over it, okay?

[KUNOU exhales]

Thank you.

[KUNOU] Also, I feel bad

for even asking, but...

Okay, so here are the current

details of the situation.

A few days ago, Yasaka,

Kunou's mother and the

revered leader of the yokai,

left to meet up with Sakra,

who's a servant of Mount Meru.

Unfortunately,

we've been informed

that Yasaka never made

it to the meeting.

The yokai conducted

an investigation

regarding her disappearance,

and they determined that

Yasaka must have been kidnapped

by an unknown party.

So, they decided

to search all over Kyoto

for any suspicious people,

which eventually lead them

to Issei and his tour group,

resulting in

yesterday's att*ck.

That's when

Lady Leviathan and I

came to speak to the yokai .

We explained

that the underworld

was not involved

with Princess Yasaka.

In fact, judging from

the method and various intel,

we believe that more than

likely the culprits may be

the Hero Faction of

the Chaos Brigade.

[ISSEI] More like

the d*ck Weed Faction.

[TENGU-LEADER]

Governor-General,

Lady Leviathan,

I beg you, we must

try and find a way

to save Princess Yasaka.

We've shared a bond

with the fox clan

since the days of old,

and we shall aid you

however we can.

If it would help you,

here is a painting

of Princess Yasaka.

Whoa! Mama!

[KUNOU]

That is my mother.

Promise me.

Promise me that you'll

lend us your strength

and help save her!

Please, I'm begging you!

I need your help.

[ISSEI] Hold up.

If we save her...

[gasps]

[YASAKA giggles]

Oh my.

Are you the

Red Dragon Emperor?

You're incredibly brave.

Ah, I simply must thank you

for rescuing me, Issei.

But why are you

just sitting there?

[YASAKA laughs]

[YASAKA] Very well, if this

is what you desire,

I shall allow it.

It's the least I can do,

since you saved me.

[ISSEI moans happily]

MILF att*ck!

[laughing]

[ASIA]

Issei!

I know what nosebleeds mean,

Mister Dirty Thoughts!

U-Uh, it's just allergies!

[AZAZEL]

So yeah, that's the situation.

For right now,

all you need to do

is enjoy your school trip.

Keep your guard up

and your ears to the ground.

Rock on.

[AZAZEL]

As an apology,

and also as a way

to deepen our relationship,

the young princess has

offered to be your tour guide.

It would be my honor.

[AKENO] I wonder how

Issei and everyone else

are doing in Kyoto.

[RISE] It is a little strange

that he hasn't called us back,

but you did say

the yokai in the picture

weren't hostile,

right, Koneko?

True dat. At least,

they seemed pretty chill

for a bunch of foxes.

[RIAS]

Then I'm sure it's fine.

Knowing Issei, he's handling

the situation with care.

[AKENO]

Knowing Issei,

he's probably handling

more than the situation,

if you catch my drift.

[RISE, KONEKO gasps

[sighs] How nice...

To get away for a little while?

and I love Kyoto at night.

[AKENO giggles]

[AKENO] Asia, Xenovia,

and Irina are such cute girls,

though a little naive.

Who knows what's happening

on that trip right now?

Three of them

and just one of him.

That is enough!

What's wrong with you?

Why you would even bring

something like that up!

[AKENO] Because you're

so much fun to tease.

Seriously, Rias.

You make the most adorable face

when you're worried about Issei.

[RIAS gasping]

Uh, what's up, Asia?

Hiya! Wanna play

some cards, maybe?

I invited Xenovia

and Irina over too.

Hope that's all right.

[ISSEI]

Uh, say what, now?

[MOTOHAMA]

Issei! Let's go, man!

We hit the jackpot!

Ah, quick!

You gotta hide. Come on!

--[ASIA] Huh?

--[ISSEI] Here!

[MATSUDA]

Holla at ya boy!

Huh? He's not here.

[MOTOHAMA] Do you think he

already found our peeping spot?

[MATSUDA] What? I'll pop

a cap in that busta's ass

if he's scopin' torpes

without his crew.

[MOTOHAMA gasps] Now we

don't have to share the hole!

Aww. I'm missin'

the peep hole?

[ISSEI gasps]

[ASIA]

Tell me something.

At the train station

the day we left for Kyoto,

you kissed Rias,

didn't you?

Uh, well, yeah. It was

a "see you later" kiss.

Oh, if that's the case,

would it be too much trouble

for you to kiss me, too?

[door clatters]

Hey, there!

So why are you guys just

swappin' spit in the closet?

[ASIA/ISSEI gasp]

Whoa! A true PG-

moment right here!

How much longer until you two

kick things up to Rated R, huh?

Or is it M for Mature?

[ASIA chuckles nervously]

[ISSEI gasps]

Asia? Hey! Speak to me!

[XENOVIA]

Make some room.

[IRINA]

Ex-squeeze me.

[IRINA giggles]

There we go.

[ROSSWEISSE]

Stand firm, ladies.

Tonight, we must not allow

the Grabbin' Dragon

to strike again!

[XENOVIA]

Okay, I'm up next.

[ISSEI chuckles]

Hold up.

You can't just call dibs!

[XENOVIA] Irina,

you should get in on this.

Huh? Why me? I'll pass.

This is a golden opportunity!

Just think, you could

experience a man!

Yeah, but if I do that,

then I might become

a fallen angel.

Don't be such a worrywart.

Think about the big picture!

Plus, there's always the

possibility you won't fall.

It's not like

you know for sure.

I could birth the

Red Dragon Emperor's child.

Which I suppose would be

a good asset to Heaven.

[XENOVIA] All right then,

let's be fruitful and multiply.

Kiryuu said it's important

to make good memories

on school trips.

Clothes off, mister.

[ISSEI]

Memories, not mamories!

[grunts]

[ISSEI] And the whole

angel light thing

makes it kinda awkward,

you know?

[XENOVIA]

Listen, it's only fair

that you also do the deed

with Asia when she wakes up.

But I'll let you

practice on me,

that way you'll get

loads of experience.

[sighs] How thoughtful

of you, Xenovia!

[ISSEI shrieks]

[BOTH moaning]

[ROSSWEISSE]

Weaklings.

[door clatters]

Hey, this might be

a weird question,

but have you seen Asia

or the other girls?

[gasps]

[ASIA moans]

What happened?

[XENOVIA] Oh,

welcome back to the party!

Issei and I were just

getting ready to make a baby!

Uh, what, did you say a baby?

[XENOVIA]

Indeed I did.

You can have a go next,

if you want to.

Hold on! This is a big deal.

His manhood isn't

that impressive.

[ASIS] No, what I'm saying

is you shouldn't be

the one to do it, Xenovia!

If anyone's gonna bear

Issei's children, it's me!

Now kindly, move aside!

Here, I come!

Uh, excuse you?

I called dibs while

you were sleeping!

Amazing.

I've never seen two girls fight

over a boy's bodily

fluids before.

[ISSEI] Hey, how about

a little less commentating

and more helping?

[XENOVIA]

That's cool.

I just want, like,

a little of his DNA.

[ISSEI] This is a wet

dream come to life,

but I might actually

suffocate from boob overdose.

The closet isn't just small,

it's lacking oxygen!

[grunts]

[ISSEI moans]

[ISSEI] I've fallen

and I can't get up.

[IRINA] I've never done

anything like this before.

So, could you maybe

show me what to do?

[ISSEI gasps]

[ISSEI]

Huh? Squeeze on, squeeze off.

--[IRINA moans]

--[ISSEI] Squeeze on.

[GROUP gasping]

All of you out, right now!

[ISSEI]

I still can't believe I had

three babes fighting over me.

I mean, score! But in

the end, I'm all talk.

I suck at actually

making any kind of move.

At this rate, the only thing

I'll be is the Virgin King,

like a loser.

I can't even seal

the deal with Rias,

and she sleeps

next to me naked!

Then again, she's definitely

out of my league.

And yet, she's always

on my mind.

We always want

what we can't have.

[MATSUDA]

Yo, Issei.

What's up with that

dumb-ass look you got?

Uh, just inner monologuing,

but since we're on the subject

of dumb-ass looks...

Yeah, well, hashtag worth it.

Yo ass missed out.

I have zero regrets and

zero feeling in my face.

Hey, so what's the deal?

Are we waiting for someone?

[ISSEI]

Yep.

[KUNOU] There you are,

sorry I'm late.

[GROUP gasps]

[ISSEI]

Ah, Kunou, what up?

[MATSUDA]

Damn, Issei.

Is this pipsqueak

the tour guide

you were telling us about?

Aw, she's so itty bitty---

Wow! She's cute. Aw!

Pervs like you

should really avoid

hanging out with

little girls though.

Unhand me, you foul

tasteless plebeian.

Bonus, she even

talks like a princess!

--OMG, it's like a fanfic!

--[KUNOU groans]

[ISSEI]

That's enough.

Okay? Everyone,

this is my friend, Kunou.

I'm here because I promised

him a tour of Kyoto.

Thanks a lot.

I appreciate it.

Of course.

Mother would be

very angry at me

if I were to neglect

a promise that I made.

I am happy to oblige!

Glad to hear it.

Okay, we're ready to roll out

whenever you are, Kunou.

[KUNOU] The boiled

tofu here is famous.

For sure!

It's actually really good!

[MATSUDA gasps]

This stuff is mad tasty, yo!

[KUNOU]

This is my favorite dish.

I'll gladly eat it every day.

Yeah! I'm right there

with you, sister!

[ISSEI] Don't get me wrong,

it's pretty bad-A,

but I like to

switch it up a bit.

[KUNOU]

Even though this tofu is good,

it doesn't even

begin to compare

to the boiled tofu

my mother can make.

Well, moms always make

the best food, don't they?

--Huh?

--[IRINA gasps]

Here! Have some more!

[ISSEI]

Don't mind if I do.

What a nice surprise.

Hey Kiba, what's up, man?

Oh, nothing much.

You must be Kunou.

It's so nice to meet you.

Our teacher, Azazel,

has told me all about you.

--I'm Kiba.

--[KUNOU chuckles]

I see, well in that case,

it's a pleasure to meet you.

[ISSEI]

We're going this way,

so maybe we'll catch up

with you guys later.

Arashiyama in autumn.

It's truly a sight to see.

Wait, Azazel?

Dude, isn't it a little early

for day drinking, bro?

That's exactly what I said,

and in front

of students, no less!

But will he listen to me?

No, because he's just

another stubborn man!

Jeez, has anyone ever told you

that you're a total buzzkill?

You know what?

You've gotta learn

to unwind a little bit.

That's why you can't

find yourself a man.

[loud bang]

How dare you,

what would you know

about my personal life?

Give me that cup!

I'll show you how to

drink for real, little man!

[AZAZEL stammers]

[exhales]

Hot button issue.

[ROSSWEISSE groans, hiccups]

[AZAZEL] Wait, are you

already drunk from just that?

[ROSSWEISSE] Listen, Azz-face,

you don't know true day drinkin'

until you've worked for Odin,

God of Ratty Beards

and chief abandoner!

[ROSSWEISSE sighs]

[ROSSWEISSE crying]

Don't you understand,

I can't get a boyfriend

'cause I have

abandonment issues,

you fool!

[AZAZEL]

You guys get going!

I'm sensing that we're headed

for downward spiral here.

[ROSSWEISSE crying]

You can sense that?

Wow, deep down you're not such

a stupid head after all, huh?

[AZAZEL] Thanks. Aw, crap.

That's on my tab.

[AZAZEL groans]

Barkeep, give me some more!

[MATSUDA] Snaps, Miss Rossweisse

can't hold her liquor.

[MOTOHAMA]

For reals, dog.

[KIRYUU]

Oh, here's a fun fact.

You shouldn't look behind you

until you've completely

crossed over

the Togetsukyo Bridge.

[MATSUDA]

Who cares?

[KIRYUU] You should,

because if you look back

you lose any knowledge you

may have previously received.

And since you didn't have

that much knowledge

to start with,

I'd hate to think about

what kind of state

that'd leave you in.

[MATSUDA/MOTOHAMA]

Shut your face!

[KIRYUU]

Here's another fun fact!

If a couple happens

to look back,

then their relationship

is doomed to fail.

I'll never look back, Issei.

I'll never look back!

[BOTH gasp]

[GROUP gasping]

[ISSEI] What is this?

Why is this fog so familiar?

[KIBA]

Dimension Lost!

The power of a Longinus.

Azazel has

mentioned it before.

[AZAZEL]

Kids! Are you all right?

I don't see anyone

else in the area.

It looks as though

everyone but us

has disappeared somewhere.

If I had to take an

extremely educated guess,

I'd say we've been forced

into another dimensional space.

No way.

[ISSEI]

What's wrong, Kunou?

When we investigated my

mother's disappearance,

they reported the same fog

right before she went missing.

Eff. Bad news bears.

[ISSEI gasps]

Oops, my bad.

Guess that was rude, huh?

Sorry.

Hello, Red Dragon.

♪

[ISSEI]

"Showdown!

Gremory Family vs.

Hero Faction in Kyoto."